#were based on her being afraid of humans (the same way a kid in our world might be afraid of monsters)

[nofilterwaterfilter]

also on the voice thing, we all know kris is one of the most autism coded characters to ever exist, but i really do love everything that both routes of chapter four when taken in conjunction told us about kris, being nonverbal, and how that's not painted as a bad thing?

it's pretty common i've seen for silent protagonists to be headcanoned as nonverbal autistic, but i think this is the first time i've seen it be explicitly canon, and also have it be pretty intrinsic to the narrative?

and like no, kris isn't entirely nonverbal, they do speak occasionally. but deltarune in general, and particularly ch4, paints a very strong picture of someone who (at least when they have control over their own voice) does not use words as their primary method of communication

like you can start with quiet people piss me off, or the fact that music is such an important avenue of self expression for them (made all the worse when they're not in control). noelle in ch1 asks if kris is okay when the player asks her the same background/lore questions we can ask everyone, because kris talking this much pings immediately as wrong to her. then there's everything we know about kris as a kid, and how yeah they had a bit of a mean sense of humor, but also pranks and fucking with people was a very good way for them to get attention without having to talk at all

noelle's story of the ferris wheel if you listen to all her and susie's dialogue in dess' room sticks out to me for this, and i really do love that anecdote. noelle mentions she and kris were pushed into riding the ferris wheel together as kids, she didn't really want to be there. and kris didn't say anything the whole time, for the first half they were just looking out the window. but then they decided to jump up and down and shake the entire capsule, and that's when they turned to noelle and smiled. susie goes "is that good or bad?" in response to that story and noelle says she doesn't know, but it's one of the things that gets kris' attention! and whether you believe that they were doing it to freak noelle out or because they also thought this was dumb and wanted to make it more fun for both of them (noelle isn't sure which it was either), that is how they communicate!

and when they do use words. this is the bit that makes me most emotional - noelle in weird route describes kris' voice as deadpan and mumbly. they don't like being loud, they don't talk very often, and they really struggle with inflection. all things that are normally criticisms when directed at autistic people, they're stuff autism moms use to justify their "i know my real child is in there somewhere" bullshit. but when noelle hears it again from soulless kris for the first time since the soul stuff started, she starts crying over how much she's missed hearing them talk. the soul (as we know from a variety of susie and noelle conversations) is louder, more charismatic, more confident and articulate, and it's not kris. so all those traits that are normally things autistic people get told to be more, are explicitly condemned by the narrative

and that's what makes kris being largely nonverbal such an excellent additional dimension to their story. because everything the soul does, at least in the normal routes, pretty much aligns with how people are expected to behave? kris under our control has a great social life, has friends, is likeable, isn't weird and hard to understand. and a crueler person, the kind autistic people have to deal with far too often, would say "well it's good we gave them a voice, they're not using theirs anyway"

but that's what makes it evil! it doesn't matter if kris is the kind of autistic that everyone hates, if there are things about them that don't fit in with society but that they either can't or don't want to change. their life and their voice, as infrequently heard as it is, is still theirs. and they deserve the freedom to use it however they want to

[ebullientheart]

the nice guy. spencer reid x reader

content — fluff. humour. fem!bau!reader. casual mention of sex. loosely based on season four episode nine. case talk. nondescript injury to reader.

you explain to spence the difference between a nice guy and a ‘nice guy’.

“i don’t understand this.”

morgan spun on his chair, “what’s that, wonder boy?”

the files he was flicking through were baffling him. each of the interview transcripts read the same sort of thing. ‘oh, he was a textbook ‘nice guy’ you know’, or something to that effect.

you were the one conducting that set of witness interviews, and the text before him showed no confusion on your part as you continued your original line of questioning. concluding this meant you understood, spencer ignored derek’s response and instead got up to find you. predictably, in garcia’s office, watching unreleased films, seeing as your paperwork was long completed.

“can i ask you something?” he interjected, causing penelope to throw popcorn at him as a consequence of her surprise.

“can you knock?” she quipped back, but he wasn’t really listening to her. spencer could become pretty single minded when he set his focus on something, especially if it was something he didn’t understand.

you excused yourself and followed him into the hall. the simple window on your right showed nothing but the clouded night sky, meaning only a few people lingered in the office now. spencer turned the light on by reaching past your head to the switch, while you tried to ignore the way your stomach felt upon having him lean over you.

clearing your throat, you addressed him, “what did ya need, spence?”

he showed you what he’d been preoccupied with, “what does this mean? we profiled our unsub as desperate, creepy, and we were right. why did they all describe him as a nice guy?”

you pondered for a moment on how best to explain it to him before you answered.

“they’re kind of being sarcastic. a textbook ‘nice guy’ is a guy who really pities himself, quotes ‘nice guys finish last’, that sort of thing. he thinks he’s so kind, and for that women owe him sex, so when they don’t meet that standard, he just believes women only like jerks. he sees himself as good, but he doesn’t comprehend why women would take offence to his sexual reward system for human decency.”

spencer frowned, “there are enough of them that women have a collective name for this?”

you nodded, “trademarked and everything.”

“really?”

“no, kidding.”

he smiled at you and you returned it, his curiosity fulfilled and his faith in humanity slightly lessened, as it was case by case.

a few days later, you were all jetting off to another police department, examining files and bouncing theories. spencer sat on your left, the only one close enough to hear the low rumble of your stomach. chuckling to himself, he produced a breakfast bar from his satchel and slid it over to you. the overjoyed expression on your face at food, and food in your favourite flavour, prompted him to remember your ‘nice guy’ conversation.

you offered him your thanks and he answered, “you’re welcome. no sex required.”

even though he was half kidding, half sincere, you gave him a whole laugh, easy and unabashed. the smile he donned was satisfied at initiating such glee from you.

as the investigation progressed, the danger became more and more apparent. the team knew someone was going to end up hurt, but it didn’t stop them from flinching as they saw you swinging your legs in the back of an ambulance, taking emergency blood supply. you rolled your eyes at their concern, “really, i’m fine guys. just a scratch.”

they weren’t so quick to dismiss your injury, but they didn’t hover. they had protocol to follow, local cops to brief, and press to alert. the only one who lingered was spencer, awkwardly sitting next to you at your invitation. he thought about wrapping an arm around your bare shoulder as a chill set in the air, but was too afraid to dislodge the tube. you bit the bullet of his worrying and leaned until he was prompted to support you.

“are you alright?” he knew it wasn’t the right thing to ask you, but he wasn’t sure what else to say in that moment, not when you were pressed against him so the warmth from your body bled through his vest to his own skin.

you gave a light shrug, but didn’t comment further, instead saying, “you’re nice, spencer. the real way.”

he hummed, “how’d you know?”

“nice guy trademark would’ve tried to kiss me by now. you’re just holding me.”

he knew what he was about to admit was a risk, but the question burned in his throat, “what if i wanted to? kiss you?”

you looked up at him and his heart skipped a beat. if he tried, he could count every one of your eyelashes, even though a few were clumped together by smudges of mascara that had congealed in your initial reaction to the wound. there was a brightness in your irises that sparked something in his chest. the hand you could move freely came up to his face, which had become flushed. you could feel the heat beneath your palm, but couldn’t make it out visually with his back to the ambulance light.

“i’d think you’re even nicer.”

he didn’t seem all that surprised, “can i?”

“please.”

[torukmaktoskxawng]

run away with me

Pairing: Nor/Sarentu!Reader

Warnings: Spoilers for Avatar Frontiers of Pandora, fluff, angst, mentions of brainwashing and residential school trauma

Taglist: @mooniequeen

A/N: No one has requested me to write for AFoP so I decided to take matters into my own hands *cracks knuckles* Let's get to work.

This is basically my rendition of the cutscene you see when playing the game, after the title card. I made it lean more toward the angsty, romance play that we were robbed of when the game finally came out XD Enjoy!

Part 2

When So'lek told you that Nor had left Resistance HQ to have some time to think, you knew you needed to seek him out.

Using your new abilities and talents to track him down, it didn't shock you when you found Nor on one of the highest cliffs near the base of their new home. You remember he made a comment earlier about how there were more colors on Pandora than he remembered and how he had no names for them. You suspected he'd be all the way out here, admiring those colors and maybe trying to invent new names for them.

He didn't react when you approached the small fire he made, likely expecting you to come find him. He turned to face you with lowered ears and a forlorn look in his eyes, "What must our ancestors think of us? Do you think they pity us? Sad to see what we've become?"

"We're still Sarentu."

"Teylan barely speaks our tongue, but then... he always preferred human words."

"Alma says we all need time to adjust."

"Alma is not Na'vi." He growled lowly, turning away to kneel down in front of the fire.

You weren't deterred by his attitude, knowing Nor better than you sometimes knew yourself. He felt things stronger than most. He was passionate about what or how he felt and he wasn't afraid to admit it, hence why he didn't shy away when he proudly proclaimed his feelings toward you. It was years ago now, just the night before Alma snuck you and your friends into cryosleep to wait out the war. All that time you could've been with Nor... lost to cryosleep.

Nor felt the same loss as well, and that is why he wasn't wasting any more time. When neither of you are out on missions, you're with each other, safe at HQ, making up for lost time. Your relationship is technically still new and can easily be chalked up to young love, but Nor didn't see it that way. He claimed that was the way only Sky People saw it, but not the Na'vi. He wanted to do this right, and in his mind, the only right way was the Na'vi way.

So he asked So'lek for advice, on standard Na'vi customs and what the older man might know about the Sarentu ways to court someone. Nor was determined and straightforward about what he wanted to make sure you only got the best treatment. The Na'vi treatment, something that you deserved to have when you were younger but it was taken from you.

That's what you loved about him, growing up beside him. He reminded you so much of your sister at times with their shared determination as kids, though you refused to continue making that comparison after she died... afraid that if Nor acted too much like Aha'ri, then he would die just like her. You couldn't bear to lose him, too, not after everything Mercer and TAP have done to you.

Even now, as you two stood on top of that cliff, you were afraid of losing him, either to death or to life, should life and fate decide to tear you two apart. You wished you could vocalize your fear to him, but you were never as brave or as straightforward as Nor. You were grateful he had approached you about his feelings first, or else neither of you would've ever known.

Although you were not one with words, you were one with actions, and even Nor knew that you communicated with deeds.

Walking up to him, you slide your hand over his shoulder, and while he doesn't say a word, trapped with the demons in his head, he places his own hand on top of yours, a gesture of gratitude. He was thankful for your comfort, knowing that your way of communicating stems from being touch-starved and you would rather voice your thoughts through your actions instead of just saying them because, to you, that means so much more.

You keep your hand on his shoulder, the warmth of his palm bleeding into your skin while you look up and over the cliffside, admiring the scenery with a sad tone in your voice, "Why did the RDA come back?"

"They wanted more of Pandora," he responds with defeat, "They always do."

"Then we'll need to fight," you express with determination, squeezing his shoulder, "Aha'ri would have wanted us to fight."

You try to pull away, but Nor is suddenly too fast. He grasps your hand, gently, and you pause in your movement. He stands to his full height to gaze into your eyes, trying to relay what he's thinking without saying a word. But he wasn't like you. He wasn't good at sharing his thoughts through actions. He was better at it by talking, so that is what he did.

"Or we could run," he suggests and is quick to continue when the expression on your face falls, "Leave this place. Find somewhere else to call home."

"We've talked about this, Nor," you sigh tiredly, recalling not long ago when you, him, Ri'nela and Teylan were all sitting around a fire as Nor suggested they could all run away together. You express the same thing you said back then, too, "Alma brought us here for a reason. She believes in us."

He snarls, though there isn't much heat behind it, "Alma just wants to control us."

Not even you believed what he was saying, lowering your voice to a comforting whisper, "Alma is not Mercer. She actually cares about us as People."

"She left us."

"She thought we were gone."

He steps closer until he's nearly pressed against your chest, his hands sliding up to gently grasp both sides of your face, entwined in your hair. His voice wavered, desperate eyes staring back into yours, "If it were me instead of her, I would've clawed through the rubble of TAP, and I would've looked forever. Un... until I knew for sure if I lost you or not."

You wanted to be touched by the statement, your heart fluttering in your chest while Nor could no doubt feel your heartbeat, pumping through his hands as they rested near both sides of your neck. You shake your head slightly, "That is different. What Alma feels for us is not the same as... as what you feel for me. For all of us."

He shivered, almost proud that you managed to admit your confidence in his feelings toward you. He leans his forehead against yours, breathing in the same air as you while he matches the intimate moment with a whisper, "Exactly. I can't trust Alma with my family. I can only trust myself or you to take care of the four of us, to ensure we stick together."

You wet your lips when they felt dry, deciding to play into his dream for a little bit, "Suppose we did run away... where would we go?"

'Wherever we want! All of us,' he wanted to say the same thing he told Teylan down by the campfire, but he says it differently with you, "Anywhere, far away from here."

"Just the four of us?"

"The four of us," he confirms with a nod, thinking that he had you convinced, "We'll start our own clan. We'll renew the Sarentu."

"And what will happen when the war eventually finds us?"

Your question drives Nor to freeze, and so you continue, "Either Mercer, RDA, or TAP, it won't matter. They'll find us. You know they will."

He unfroze finally, huffing with determination, "Then we will fight."

"But if we fight now, and we win, then we can leave and we will never have to worry about the Sky People again," your hands moved until they were wrapped around Nor's waist, a bold move to match his own, his fingers still wrapped up in the hair on the back of your neck,

"We would never have to keep running or look over our shoulders ever again," you continue, "If we can end this sooner than later, I will go with you. I'll go wherever you want. But... But I can't leave now knowing what the Sky People are capable of. I can't leave knowing that there would be another child out there whose clan was wiped out and I wasn't brave enough to stop it from happening. I would never forgive myself."

Your words stun him into silence, and the intensity of his gaze causes you to feel shy and embarrassed, lowering your head to avoid him until his hands pause your movement. He gently uses his thumbs to push your chin to tilt back up, and when your eyes meet, he pauses for a moment, his intense eyes scanning your expression before his lips twitch up into a small, fond smile, "Heh."

"What?" You tilt your head, hesitant but smiling as well.

"Nothing. It's just... Aha'ri would be proud of you."

He says it so confidently that you know you believe him, and his words make your heart swell with pride and grief, missing your sister. Nor leans back and digs in the pocket of his pants, "I have something for you."

"What is it?"

He provides a carved stone, bearing the mark you both have on your face to signify your long-lost clan, "It's something to remind you of me, whenever you leave HQ and I cannot follow you. It's also a promise."

"What promise?"

"That if I ever leave, it will only be when you are ready to come with me," he leans back into your space, pressing your foreheads together once more as he closes his eyes, taking in your scent, "This time, my love, I go wherever you go."

You clutch the stone in your hand, wanting the carved mark to brand into your skin as you close your eyes as well. You already plan to tie Nor's stone into the songcord So'lek had given you, and you hope that in time, the songcord will grow, and there will be many more milestones to signify. Milestones that you hope that Nor and your friends will share with you, as Sarentu and as your family.

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[battlemaiden13]

You don't understand. I've been thinking about this exact same scenario! I've been imagining a scenario where maybe one or two people slip MC a magic drink that makes it so you can't lie. No one realized that a few others gave her the same drink until Grim mentions it. I like to think he I'd loving the drama and decided to see how far it would go. I'm picturing the culprits who slipped her the honesty drink are Black, Damien, Mikey, and Lutenant. So after the 4th drink, MC is drunk and the honesty effects stack, maybe for the whole night. I see Grim mentioning to Lo that the others slipped her the drink and Lo then lectures the whole party. Once it's out that MC can’t lie for the rest of the night, all the skeletons start approaching her one on one to ask her their question. 

I don't have questions in mind for all of them, but I do have a few. Also, no worries if you don't use any of these, I'm just having fun sharing. 

Sorry this is so long.

So here is what I've got;

Red: definitely gonna ask MC if she finds him attractive/would she ever consider going out with someone like him. (Cause he still doesn't 100% believe her when she says she finds him attractive) (our boy needs reassurance) 

Edge: Asks her if she has forgiven him for how he acted when they were first getting to know each other (I like to think that deep down, he regrets being so harsh to her at first) (this could also give them a nice heart to heart moment)

Black: Is gonna ask if she hates him. (Mother fucker will not believe her unless he knows she can't lie) (maybe he slips her some magic monster drink that makes it so she can't lie just so he can ask her this)

Orange: he will straight up ask her if she is interested in any of them. (This man has been getting so jelly lately and he needs to know) (This would give MC an opportunity to be vulnerable with him. I picture him being the first skele that she opens up to about not knowing what she wants and being afraid to fuck things up) (she is drunk so her filter is just gone)

Blue: asks her what her opinion of him is. (I see him being very laid back in the way he asks. Blue is very confident for the most part, but wants to make sure MC doesn't view him as immature or kid-like. He doesn't want her to think of him as “baby” blue)

Colt: gonna ask why she fought so hard to get to him. Why she put her life on the line to save him and why she stayed by his side when he was in a coma. (On one hand he is so in love with her and the fact that his fucking HERO came to Save him, but there is this nagging voice in the back of his head that is telling him he doesn't deserve to be with her) (maybe her answer will give him the push to finally jump the gun and ask her out)

Charm or Lust: Asks MC what her opinion on a poly relationship would be with the skeletons. (Maybe they start off talking about Lo's new poly relationship and the convo goes from there)(I feel like either of them would be the best ones to help MC warm up to the idea)

Mint: asks MC why she does….everything that she does. Why help monsters. Why work so hard to be close to so many Skeletons. Why put herself in danger to for even one of them, much less so many. (Mint doesn't understand. He has been assuming MC has some sinister motive since he met her. Mint wouldn't go out of his way to help the humans in his world, why is she doing all of this without getting anything in return. (I picture Mint going around throughout the day and just listening to people talk about MC. Looking for proof that he is right about her, bit all he hears are stories about MC helping monsters and getting hurt or putting her life at risk. Grillby mentioned how she got her arm broken defending him. Colt bragging about MC infiltrating an enemy base to save him. Hobbs talking about her work to help monsters find jobs. The stabbing. So when he learns that she can't lie. You bet he asks her, because how can she be this nice. This good. It can't be true. She has to be hiding something.) (This could finally be what gets him to start trusting her. Just like Black, he needs to know she can't lie for him to start believing her.)

And that's all I got. Sorry this was so long. I had fun writing this down. 

THIS WAS VERY HELPFUL THANK YOU!

[trojanteapot]

The writing blindspots in Infinity Train with respect to race

To get this out of the way, I love Infinity Train! It’s one of my favourite shows! I started writing fanfiction because of this show, and it still inspires me every day. 

I really do think that Infinity Train as a whole is a very thought provoking children’s show and I applaud it for exploring darker themes relevant to psychology and psychological well-being, which are topics often overlooked not just in children’s media but for adult media as well. However, I do want people to acknowledge some of its shortcomings, especially because it is a show that is dealing with such heavy and complex topics, and also positions its human characters as coming from a world which is pretty much a stand-in for our own.

Now I know that the storyboard artists for Infinity Train were quite diverse, but I don’t really know if it’s the same for the writer's room. The reason why is that as a POC viewer, it really does seem obvious to me from the way that the POC characters were written pre-season 4, that their race was mostly an afterthought.

Okay and to be perfectly clear, this is NOT A BAD THING. This is just a neutral thing. Obviously we don’t need every single story with POC characters to have to be about their experience as a specific racialized person. There are experiences that are shared among everybody no matter what race they are. I am not saying that you need to do super in-depth research into every single cultural nuance of every ethnic minority before writing them. It depends on if you really want to delve into how their heritage or traditions or specific life experiences inform their character arc. Not every character arc is about that. And it shouldn’t be!

With that being said, I do think that perhaps the writers should have tried to consider asking themselves very basic surface level questions on how being non-white would inform the problems and conflicts their characters would face. They don't need to know the ins and outs of each culture for each of their characters, but they could have just asked “How would I feel/react to others if people made weird assumptions about me based on my race? How differently would my parents raise me if they were afraid of prejudice or discrimination?” I think they should have reflected on that before setting in stone the backstories for their POC characters, especially with respect to Grace.

Part 1: GRACE'S PARENTS

So I am not Black myself, but I have had many conversations about Grace with one of my friends in fandom who is Black, and we both do get the sense that Grace’s race was very much just an afterthought to her characterization. To be clear, this is NOT because she has very wealthy parents. I am well aware that there are Black Americans with generational wealth. However, knowing what we know about affluent Black people in the real world, how Grace’s parents treated her makes absolutely no sense.

For example, among extremely wealthy people of any race, networking and knowing the right people is of the utmost importance. This is why so many rich people send their kids to prestigious private schools so their kids can get a heads start on knowing the progeny of other one-percenters. If you look up famous people with famous kids, chances are you’ll see a list of all of the very exclusive private academies that they all went to (looking at you, The Strokes). This is the case for wealthy people of all backgrounds, not just white people. And honestly, I imagine that the pressure is at least double for the kids of wealthy POC parents to get to know the right people as early as possible to be able to open as many doors as possible, in order to mitigate the inherent disadvantage of being a racialized person.

But what did Grace’s parents do? According to her, they never sent her to school of any kind, only having private tutors teach her, and her ballet instructor only made her join the other kids in her class once for a recital or something? This is, for lack of a better term... buck wild.

In addition, her parents are American diplomats. Diplomacy is an extremely people-oriented position. If anything, her parents would want her to not only be in the best private school, but to be the best student in school, to know the best people, to join the school clubs that all the other diplomats’ kids are in, and train her from a young age to be a social butterfly. Yes I know that diplomats will often leave their home country and be stationed somewhere else for long durations, and yes their kids could be taken out of school then, but some diplomats just enroll them in a different institution in the visiting country, or not take them out of school at all. This is what the IB Program was invented for, actually. Her parents being diplomats does not justify never enrolling Grace in school. In fact, it makes it less justifiable. 

The fact that they did the extreme opposite of that is so illogical to me that I wonder if perhaps the writers just cobbled together a whole bunch of tropes that they think apply to rich people without actually checking if any of it makes sense, doubly so for rich people who are non-white.

I think the reason why is because they wanted Grace’s parents to stifle her growth and her natural social skills, but on the Train, she can be who she truly is. I definitely agree that Grace finding herself and being able to truly blossom into the girlboss she is on the Train is a great plot point from a characterization perspective. However, I do not think that it should be because she was being stifled by her parents. The solution is staring the writers right in their face, but they can’t see it because it’s a blindspot for them.

What they should have gone with is: Grace's inability to become a social butterfly and a queen bee in her daily life is because she is a dark-skinned Black girl!!!

Her parents have extremely high expectations for her socially. They could have pushed her to make friends with kids she didn’t like just because they wanted to be on better terms with their parents for networking or diplomacy purposes – which they could have shown with that one girl from her ballet class. Missed opportunity! But no matter how hard Grace tries, she will never be seen as the perfect girl because of other people’s assumptions about her just based on her race. 

Once she’s on the Train, Grace then uses her people skills and finds that they’re a lot more effective there, because it’s no longer Earth’s society, it’s a different world, literally! Plus this even allows her to be a little bit more mean, a little bit more honest, something she wouldn’t be able to get away with in the real world without being punished for it harder than her white peers. We already see hints of this with how she interacts with Simon, a white guy who is the same age as her. 

CAVEAT: The dialogue where Grace reveals that she never went to school was something that she told Hazel in a private conversation. So it could be that she did go to school, but lied about it to seem more relatable to Hazel, who had never been around other kids before. Lying is in character for Grace because she would pretty much do anything to get on somebody’s good side. But the way that they had her voice actress deliver those lines, and the way that her expression changes when she talks about how lonely she was indicates that she was telling the truth. To be charitable, I suppose we can land on the reading that Grace told Hazel a half-truth. She did go to school, but she was frequently taken out of class or skipped semesters because of her parents’ jobs as diplomats. So her loneliness in that instant is at the very least truthful. Your mileage is going to vary on this interpretation of course.

This points to a weakness that I can sort of see in Infinity Train in general, where they push societal problems into purely the realm of personal failings. “It’s not because of society that Grace couldn’t succeed, it was solely due to her abusive parents” being just one example. 

Never forget this monologue from a Black father to his daughter in Scandal:

Part 2: JESSE'S ARC WAS PRETTY GOOD THOUGH

The thing is they actually did write a POC character having to deal with a problem that was society-oriented quite well, at least in my view. Although, I am still pretty sure it was still coming from a race-blind method of writing the characters. Otherwise I feel like Jesse’s status as an Indigenous American would have come up more than a grand total of one time. That they could do this well for Jesse makes the fact that they didn’t do the same for Grace quite disappointing. 

Jesse’s main issue that he had to overcome was he kept caving to peer pressure and had trouble saying no to others for fear of disappointment. Now, this problem is universal, and it’s not solely something that is specific to Jesse’s race or ethnicity or cultural background. In fact, I am quite certain that they wrote Jesse as a character without even considering that this problem he faces is relatable to POC experiences. But I definitely know a lot of POC in my life who do take on more responsibilities than they can manage, or feel a higher pressure to fit in with their peers. Hell, I’m that POC in many cases! It’s kind of like background radiation to us as minorities that we just have to do more emotional labour in order to be seen as equals. That’s just the reality of the situation. You can understand and relate to Jesse’s problem without being Indigenous/Native American, but at the same time it feels like a natural problem for him to have, because he is non-white!

I will admit that a personal blind spot of mine is I don't know and haven't had the chance to speak to too many Indigenous people, so there could be aspects of Jesse's arc that don't really make sense. If you are somebody who knows more than me, please feel free to correct me! I would love to hear how you felt about Jesse's characterization and arc as an Indigenous person!

Part 3: SEASON 4, THE ASIANS 

Alright now it's time to tackle stuff that I actually could have any ounce of authority talking about? Which is how they wrote Ryan and Min-Gi in Book 4. I myself am Asian-Canadian. Specifically, I am a first generation Chinese-Canadian but I've been in Canada since I was six so I find a lot of the experiences of second generation Asian-Canadians more relatable to me. In addition, my partner is fourth generation Japanese-Canadian, so his dad would be the same generation as Ryan's dad. (I also am really really into rock music, but that's besides the point.)

What they got right:

So first off, I could tell that they really did consult Asian people in writing this season, so good on them! The difference in how Ryan’s parents raised him in contrast to Min-Gi’s parents felt very natural and realistic to me. Ryan’s family is more westernized and has assimilated more into broader Canadian culture. 

The fact that Ryan has an English name and not a Japanese name immediately shows that. Min-Gi’s parents not choosing an English name for him is a bit of a surprise; very few Asian immigrants go without an English name back in the 20th century. Even nowadays it’s extremely common for us to go by English or Western names that we, or our parents chose, instead of names in our native language. But there are good reasons to not choose an English name. Perhaps Min-Gi’s parents wanted him to have a closer tie to his Korean roots, or perhaps if they travelled back to Korea to visit family it would be easier for them. 

Also, Min-Gi’s parents not supporting his dream of becoming a musician and want him to get a stable job in… I think it was finance? Definitely true back then as it is today. I’m not entirely sure how Ryan’s parents feel about his life choices, and we’ll get into that later.

The character arcs for Ryan and Min-Gi are excellent. This dichotomy of wanting to do the good, responsible thing that your parents want for you because they want you to have the best chance at a good life, and doing what your heart tells you to do, is an extremely relevant character arc. It’s a life decision that is not just an Asian thing, but something anybody can relate to. However, in East Asian cultures that were generally influenced by Confucianism, which includes both Korean and Japanese culture, upholding your duty as a child to not disappoint your parents in any way is something that Asian cultures are prone to emphasizing to a great degree. We see this in other media centered on the Asian immigrant experience as well, such as Kim’s Convenience, Turning Red, and Everything Everywhere All At Once.

What was a bit puzzling to me:

So I'll start off with the thing that definitely raised many many eyebrows if you were an East Asian or Southeast Asian watching the show: Why were Min-Gi's parents so friendly with Ryan's parents when they're Korean and Ryan's family is Japanese?!

So like, not to bring politics into it but… World War II happened. It affected, you know, the world and stuff. And in the Pacific Theatre (god I hate that term), the Imperial Japanese Army… invaded Korea?? Among many other countries??? And did a bunch of war crimes?????

Like, Japan was invading other countries well before WWII even started… This is common knowledge… for Asian people that is.

Yeah I know what you're gonna say. “But Ryan's family is Japanese-Canadian!! They wouldn't have done those war crimes! They would have been sent to internment camps!” Yeah dude, I know! My partner is Japanese-Canadian, remember?! And even if I didn't know him, we learned about the internment camps in history class. It's pretty common knowledge among progressives in Canada and the US. George Takei did a whole musical about it. 

But that's not how racism works. I can speak from personal experience that the scars of WWII trauma in Chinese and Korean communities run deep. Even my own parents needed a bit of convincing to be okay with me dating my partner, and my parents were born two decades after WWII ended. My partner said that one time when he and his grandmother got into an elevator with an elderly Korean woman, and at first she was friendly, but once she realized they were of Japanese descent, the elevator ride became deathly silent afterwards. 

So when you have Min-Gi’s parents, who were probably born during or slightly after WWII, immigrate to Canada, and then be like… totally okay and hunky dory pals with Ryan’s parents just because their kids were born the same day in the same hospital…? I mean sure, anything can happen. But it definitely speaks to how abnormally accepting, forgiving, and welcoming Min-Gi’s parents are. 

To be clear, this isn’t something that pulled me out of the experience, personally. Yes, it is strange, but it’s not impossible for a Korean family to be super okay and friends with a Japanese family. Maybe it’s because their small town has very few Asians and so they have to stick together due to solidarity or something. Maybe Min-Gi’s parents are the type of Christians that believe in the inherent goodness of everyone and giving everyone a chance. Maybe they are just extremely progressive and see Ryan’s family as Canadian more than Japanese (highly unlikely), or they know about the internment camps and that was enough to get over their biases toward them (also unlikely). I dunno, anything can happen.

The other thing that bugged me was that they really didn’t explore Ryan’s relationship with his family to the same depth as Min-Gi’s relationship with his family. 

They already set up the contrast of like, you have an immigrant who is more connected to their cultural background, and a third generation descendent who is less connected, and more alienated from his cultural background. That kind of stuff can really weigh on you as somebody who is a minority. You feel like you simultaneously aren’t Canadian enough because you aren’t white, and that you’re not enough of your cultural background because you had to assimilate, or were forced to assimilate. 

Yes it makes sense why Ryan would throw himself into his music, and be disconnected from his family. But they didn’t take the time to really explore why he is that way. Ryan barely talks about his family except randomly mentioning that they don’t care what he does with his life. I don’t even know if that really makes sense that they don’t care what he does? Maybe Ryan thinks they don’t care, but his assumption is wrong? Either way they don’t explore this point that much. Even if his parents were more assimilated they would still care if Ryan had a non-standard job, such as being a musician. There is a gap between Ryan and his family/parents that was alluded to, but not explored. Feeling like you come from two worlds but not neatly fitting into either is so quintessential to the immigrant experience of Canadians (and also Americans) it’s a shame they only paid lip service to it. 

I mentioned in a different post that Ryan would be monolingual while Min-Gi would be bilingual, and how this could cause tension between them. I imagine Ryan definitely feels inferior to Min-Gi in that sense of loss and disconnect with his heritage, just as Min-Gi is jealous that he feels he doesn't have the freedom to pursue his musical career in the same way that Ryan can. This is all stuff that can take a psychological toll on people, and is something which the Train as a metaphor for therapy should have been primed to tackle. But unfortunately we didn't really get that.

There is a term among the Chinese Diaspora known as “Hollow Bamboo (竹杠)” or “Rising Bamboo (竹升)” [more info]. It's an insult tossed at kids of Chinese ethnicity from judgemental adults for being unable to read/write Chinese or who cannot speak Mandarin/Cantonese/other Chinese languages fluently because they've been “too westernized”. They say we “look Chinese, but are hollow inside, like bamboo.” I don't know if there are equivalent terms for other Asian diaspora/immigrant communities but there must be. This term is controversial, and in my own opinion very unfair, because it blames the kids for this loss of cultural identity when there are so many different factors at play that makes them lose it, all of them outside of their own control. 

Again, I think this is a blindspot from the writers just not understanding how much this loss of cultural identity is such an integral part of the experience of being an immigrant, and that it's not only felt in first or second generation Asian-Canadians, but also third or fourth generation, and beyond. It's scary to go out there and redefine what your culture means to you, and how to pass it on to the next generation.

CONCLUSION

So there you have it, a summary of the strengths and the weaknesses in Infinity Train as it pertains to writing about racialized characters. Just want to restate that a lot of what I pointed out is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things and I do overall think the writing is solid. I am not going into this to say that I expected the writers to do a good job, because generally my expectations for media and pop culture to portray POCs respectfully is quite low. At least they didn’t fall back on tired stereotypes, which is a low bar to clear, but it is where the bar still is these days.

If on the off chance Infinity Train does get uncancelled and renewed for more seasons, I hope they take these lessons and craft better narratives for their POC characters. Maybe hire some more non-white writers while you’re at it!

[defodisturbed]

Mastermind - Recoms x Singer!Recom!reader

(A/N: heyy... hey.. im back :3. im sorry for leaving for SO LONG im dealing with a lot of personal stuff right now but im really trying to write more. i want to get faster at typing and i also needa feed my children. also most of this fic will be exposition and the events leading up to the climax like im not even joking its so long. hope yall enjoy this one. mwah) (and yes I based the songs on Taylor Swift and if you're gonna be in the replies being hateful, gtfo my page (kindly))

What if I told you I'm a mastermind?

And now you're mine.

I had always hid my true past from my teammates. Practically everyone. I only really had a journal, and even that was locked away under my rug under my bed. Nobody knew it was there, and nobody could access it without waking me up or making some kind of noise. It was a sacred book to me. I could talk to... something with it. I could express my feelings of wanting to go back to the way things were, but never wanting to leave Pandora. Never wanting to leave my friends. And never wanting to leave my lovers.

I'm a recombinant for the RDA. When I died in my human body, they had my DNA and were already growing my new body to be revived. I have my memories of my past life, and it was awesome. Until... my mom found out she was drafted for the mission on Pandora. I, being the best kid ever, took her place. My fans were scared for me, and tried to convince me not to. They'd heard it all, how dangerous Pandora was. Especially for a singer with no military experience or knowledge. But I accepted my fate. For my mother. For my family. I had siblings back home, and with me going on tour all the time, I wouldn't be able to take care of them if my mother was gone. So I accepted the fact that I was most likely, if not definitely, going to die on this mission.

And I did. My family recieved the news, but also learned about Project Phoenix. They were relieved to know that their kid was going to be revived, just maybe not the same.

-----

"Hey, ma. How're you?" Prager asked as I sat down at the table. It was lunch at the cafeteria. They pretty much just fed us protein-filled slop most of the time. Rarely, they would throw a cookie in there if it was a holiday on Earth.

"Oh, it's going alright, baby. Thanks. Hey, can I ask you a question?" I replied. Prager nodded and leaned in. "Do you think you could ask the Colonel if we could go out in the forest today and just... explore? He doesn't know this, but I actually have some science friends and they showed me some fruits and animals that we can harvest and safely eat. I tried some and Pandora food is good. Like, really good. I wanna surprise the team, and you know Colonel can't say no to you."

Prager agreed and once the Colonel sat at our table, he immediately started.

"Colonel, I was wondering if we could go out into the forest today and just have some fun. Explore, fuck around in some river or something?" Quaritch looked at Prager and gave that ONE sigh. (A/N: its giving "go get my purse") "Fine. But we ain't bringing a baby viperwolf home because Ja wants one." He glared at Ja. He was always the one to see a stray dog and say "please please pleaaaaase mom can we adopt it??" as a kid.

I silently thanked Prager for doing my bidding as always.

-----

We were out in the forest, going over the rules we've memorized by heart now. Once the Colonel finished up, I immediately took off. I was so excited to get some nice food that I didn't realize the cliff drop below me. I was suddenly falling, the wind rushing past my body and feeling almost painful as it hit my face and went away so fast, over and over again.

I dived head first into a lake. The drop wasn't that bad, I realized. Alicia was first on the scene, peeking over the dropoff with a worried look on her face as she hoped to God I wasn't dead. I waved my hand up at her and called out.

"Get down here, this is so fun!! Don't be afraid to get a running start either!" my voice echoed. "Are you okay??" she shouted back. "I'm amazing!!"

Alicia ran over to the others and told them to watch her. She embraced her inner child as she ran as fast as she could and leaped off the cliff. She felt the wind rush past her face as I had, and splashed in the water with me. The rest of my team ran over and looked. We were... fine? Lopez was next. He gladly jumped and plooshed in with us. Then Prager, Zhang, Walker, Warren, Mansk, Lyle, Fike, and finally... Quaritch. He took a chance and jumped.

We were playing and splashing each other with water as we finally relaxed for once. Of course, we had fear of predators. But we didn't care as much anymore. We were playing like kids and it felt so good.

-

After we dried off and got back to the forest, I took off again. This time, more careful. I found an abandoned basket in pretty good condition and took it with me to collect fruits and veggies. I collected some yovo fruit, some other stuff I didn't know the name of but still knew was safe, and finally it was time to get some meat. I was looking to make some nice Pandora burritos for everyone. I found a nice bow and some arrows, perhaps forgotten by a young hunter excited to show their family their haul.

While I was gathering food, one of my favorite songs got stuck in my head while I was thinking about my life back on Earth. I started humming... then singing the lyrics... then full belting the long notes. I didn't realize Lyle was near, close enough to hear but far enough to stay hidden. He'd never heard my songs because he was in the military before I even debuted. I'm sure he was confused who I was singing.

I got some hexapede meat, some meat from hard fruits, and I also took down a lone viperwolf. I put the stuff in the basket to bring home.

-

"What the Hell is all of this? What've you been doing this entire time? Why do you have a bow? Did you encounter a native?" Colonel asked. I said I found it and saw no booby traps so I took it. I explained that my friends at the lab wanted some samples so I got some for them. Obviously it was a lie, but I couldn't spoil the surprise.

He allowed me to take my findings and harvest home. I thanked him and was so excited to make him and our team a good meal for once.

-----

I got out my cutting board and my cooking knife and started chopping. I cooked some of that chicken-y stuff and some of that fruit. I thanked Mansk in my head for teaching me these things.

-

I radio'd everyone to come to my room. I said I had a surprise for them. "I swear to God, if we get there and you're on the bed naked again I will... actually not be mad." Lyle said back.

"This isn't that kind of surprise, Lyle. Just get over here!"

Once they all were in the room, I retrieved a tray with foil over it. The smell wafted into the room as I uncovered the gift. They were all so surprised and hypnotized by the burritos.

"For you guys! You deserve it. Take one, I insist!" I squealed. They all grabbed one and a paper towel and with the first bite, they relaxed their tense muscles and rolled their eyes back. They hadn't had a good meal like this in a good, long while.

"Hey, Y/N, what song were you singing in the forest? You were really loud... must've been one of your favorites or something. Is it on Spotify?" Lyle asked as he finished his first bite. My eyes widened. "You... heard that?"

"Yeah, I heard a little bit too. It was something about a new romantic or something like that." Zdinarsk added. "Yeah you were singing about something related to rings or something too." Mansk said. "I don't know, I could be wrong, but last time I checked, you weren't married." Lopez said.

"Um... can we forget all of that happened? Sorry, I was just getting carried away and I sang some of my own songs and-" I was soon cut off by the Colonel saying, "Wait- your songs?"

I soon shoved them out of my room, begging them to let it go and to not talk about it again. I closed the door behind me as I slid down the metal wall to the floor. I took some big, deep breaths and checked under my bed to check if my journal and hard drives were still there, even though I'd been with them the entire time. Phew! They're still there. I thought.

-----

The next day, at dinner in the cafeteria, I brought my bag with me and sat down with everybody acting like nothing was wrong. Conversation sparked when someone asked, "So what's everyone planning on doing tomorrow? Ardmore gave us the day off." I said I was planning on bingeing my favorite show wrapped in my blankets with my favorite foods. They all agreed and said they would be training, sleeping, exploring, hooking up, or something fun/relaxing.

I suddenly got a call from my friend on the phone. I knew it was something important, because my phone was blowing up with texts while she was waiting for me to answer. I hurriedly ran off to my room for privacy, forgetting my bag full of personal stuff. Including my hard drives. Zdog decided it couldn't hurt to see what I carry around all day, so she started digging. She found my sunglasses, hairbrush/comb, an unopened soda can, some loose candy, and... hard drives?

"Hey does anyone know why Y/N has hard drives in her bag?" Z asked. Nobody knew, so she decided to take them and pass them out for them to watch later. It for sure wasn't porn, Ardmore would've never let it through. It's gotta be some home videos or something.

-----

Zdog and the others piled onto the bed in her room and uploaded the drives onto her computer. They were numbered. They watched the first one and it was a black screen with the sound of a crowd cheering. It was around an hour long. They watched as a... stage appeared. A big one. It was a stadium full of people. A concert? Then appeared the person performing. It was... you. Some already made the connections, while others took a little bit. You were performing for around 70,000 people along with cameras so everyone could watch it live. they watched all of the hard drives all throughout the night, only falling asleep when they went through all of them.

-----

You were in your room, hanging up the call. turns out it was just some cute guy flirted with her at a restaurant. Only then did you realize that you left your bag in the cafeteria. You immediately went back for it, checking everything was there because people just love to snoop. You realized all of your hard drives were missing. You soon were banging on the Colonel's door, asking if he'd seen anybody take them or had anything in their hands. He wasn't there. You knocked on everyone's door and nobody answered. You went back to your room, wailing into your pillow. Those drives were the last thing you had of Earth. Of your entire life before the military. Soon enough, you cried yourself to sleep. In the morning, you slept in. It was your day off, after all. You heard a knock on the door. You recognized it as Z. You opened the door and there she was. She came in without an invite and immediately sat on your bed.

"Y/N. I am... just so sorry. When you left your bag in the cafeteria, I looked through it when I should've respected your privacy. I found hard drives and took all of them to my room and the rest of the team and I watched all of them. In order. All the way through. I am so sorry for disrespecting your right to privacy and watching the videos that were obviously private." She closes her eyes softly, looking down toward the floor with her hands twiddling in her lap. Too embarrassed and disappointed with herself to even look at me.

"Z, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been so secretive. Especially with the ones who love me most. The truth is, I was a very rich and famous singer on Earth. You probably know that by now. So does everyone else. But I'm trying to work through it and not be embarrassed to share my past."

"It's not your fault. I love you. We love you. You never have to hide anything from us, but if you don't want it to be shared, that's okay too. So... can we listen to some of your songs?" Z laughed. I said yes an radio'd everyone to come to my room. I had a surprise.

MWAH I love yall!!!! hope you guys enjoyed i've had this au stuck in my head since like last year :) 💋💋

@dyingofcookies ITS HERE BESTIE

[against-forms-recognizable]

My husband has a good friend from his college days who we've known for a long time, this guy who was born here but whose parents are from India. He was dating another friend of ours for a long time, this super smart super cool Jewish woman, but they split up. This was revealed to be due to long-standing tensions between her, him, and his family. She wanted to marry him, have kids, settle down, and he wanted the same thing, but his parents and family continually threatened to disinherit him and cut him out if he had kids or a marriage with anyone except a respectable Indian woman. This is, of course, extremely racist, culturally chauvinist, and xenophobic, not to mention abusive and controlling. It's also not very uncommon at all with immigrants.

Which is weird to me, specifically in the case of India, because they've embraced the standard Western values to a great extent. Like, the normal package of Democracy and Free Markets and Human Rights, it's very much a part of the weave of the Indian cultural fabric now. So why did those things get picked up and not the je ne sais quoi individualism which produces the abolitionist tendencies against various forms of traditional prejudice and discrimination we see in Western culture? There's a book I've mentioned on here before called Breakout From the Crystal Palace, written in the 1970s by this guy named John Carroll, which finally made me have a possible inkling as to why.

In the book, John says that modern Western philosophy has produced three distinct threads of viewpoints on selfhood and individuality; one rooted in the liberal, rational/empiricist outlook of humanism and the enlightment etc., one grounded in Marxism and class/identity, and the last being the distinctly anarchist line of commentary generated by thinkers like Nietzche, Stirner, Dostoevsky, Thoreau, Wilde, and so on. This last one is different from the first two by basing itself in critique, and specifically critiques of ideology/morality, of objectivity/rationality, and of materialism/economics. This is not anarcho-capitalism or anarcho-communism he's talking about, believing those tendencies are more properly viewed as anti-state liberalism (since ancaps embrace natural law) and anti-state marxism (since ancoms embrace Marxist materialist and class analysis), but more the anarchism of the egoists, the illegalists, the individualists, insurrectionaries, Situationists, surrealists, nihilists, and so on. It's this line of thinking that was responsible for generating post-modernism and the sexual revolution and so many of the transformative cultural dynamics in the West over the last century.

If we take that insight and apply it to the historical context of the rest of the world, the reason why individualism never caught on to such an extent outside the West becomes a little bit more clear. The process by which the set of Western values were received in places like India and China and Japan was one driven by states, and while communists and capitalists both maintain an interest in the kind of governance which leads to purposefully exporting your ideology abroad, that is definitionally something anarchists have not been involved in.

In light of this, I would probably say, people in the West afraid of the decline of Western values in the face of ongoing immigration from highly different cultures should have more confidence in the ideas of their own. (Honestly I think it's better to dissociate from cultural identities in general, but people are gonna people) Post-modernism and individualism have proven to be a nigh-unassailable fortress of ideas, and its tenets will be picked up by osmosis and synthetically work their magic on foreign cultures over time in much the same way those ideas have changed the Western cultural landscape. It's not a process that's going to resolve during our lifetimes, likely, but every culture in the world will eventually have to have its own conversations with itself about these ideas and questions, this line of thinking is not going to go anywhere or just disappear into thin air, and the other cultures of the world are not immune to it in some way that Western cultures are not, just like they weren't immune to Marxist or humanist ideas.

[denimbex1986]

'Claire Foy has shared a message for parents of LGBTQ+ children while speaking to PinkNews about what it was like to play a prejudiced mother in Andrew Haigh’s new LGBTQ+ drama All of Us Strangers.

Loosely based on Taichi Yamada’s 1987 novel Strangers, All of Us Strangers stars Fleabag’s Andrew Scott as Adam, a queer, depressed writer in his mid-forties who ventures back to his childhood home after trying to write about his parents. While there, he reunites with the ghostly apparitions of his mother (Claire Foy) and father (Jamie Bell), who died when he was 12.

In the weeks that follow, Adam gets to have heart-wrenching conversations with the two ghosts about his life now, including coming out to them as gay.

While Foy’s portrayal of the mum is brimming with warmth and tenderness, the character is at first shocked to hear of her son’s sexuality, worrying intently about whether he might contract Aids, as the crisis was at its height at the time she died.

In one comic line, she questions whether her son should be open about his sexuality “on the high street, at WH Smith,” afraid he will be attacked.

At a time where LGBTQ+ youth are still being rejected and disowned by their parents, Foy’s character sends a powerful message.

“A lot of the time, as a parent myself, I do understand how difficult it is to not see that your child is basically a criticism [of] you as a human being, and understanding you don’t own your kids and your kids will be whoever they’re going to be,” Foy told PinkNews.

The Crown star believes that her character’s opinion of homosexuality comes from a place of fear.

“The hardest thing for a parent is giving [your children] away to the world because the world can be an incredibly cruel and dangerous place for [the] beloved little thing that you’ve created.

“I think it does all come from love and it also does come from fear – fear of what you don’t understand and fear of somehow that you are not right.”

Foy urged those who do not accept their children for whatever reason to look inward, and shared her hope that All of Us Strangers highlights how our time on Earth is finite, and shouldn’t be spent judging others.

“One of the greatest things I’ve learned as a person is that often the criticisms and judgments you have of other people, you need to repeat back to yourself because they’re the things you’re most afraid of in yourself.

“Hopefully, the film will just teach people that life’s too short to be confused by one another. Just ask and be told, and listen and understand. Then [we’d] get there a lot quicker.”

Although she handles the quietly poignant role delicately, Foy admitted she was concerned about being able to step into the role of a mother with discriminatory views, however ‘well-intentioned’ they are.

“There was a small, at the back of my brain, concern about how honestly we were portraying it, I suppose,” she said, “but at the same time, we had to be brave about not trying to soften the reality of what that conversation would be like.

“I think [her character] is very much stuck in a period of time and you have to have compassion for the understanding that at that time, what she was being fed was a particular view of what it was to be a gay man in the world and the risks that came with [it].”

Foy’s character would have been alive during Thatcher’s time as prime minister; an era full of intense homophobia and disinformation regarding the LGBTQ+ community.

“I definitely felt we had to honour that, because it seemed so important that history is understood, and not try to make it modern in any way,” Foy added.

She had crucial conversations with director Haigh and co-star Scott about making sure the relationship was being depicted in a way that reflected the reality for gay men.

“I felt I was there to support Adam’s character come to some sort of conclusion with his parents, and you have to go through those difficult moments to get to the end of the story.

“I loved her as a character… I feel as if she’d been given that education [and] given the opportunity to grow up with her son, if she was a parent of a 46-year-old gay son, she would be an amazing mother and would love it – and probably love it a bit too much.”'

[dollslayer]

The Stand-In

CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Stood up by your date and stranded in one of the nicest restaurants in town, Bucky Barnes just can't let that stand.

Warnings: slight angst, smut, oral (m & f receiving), deepthroating, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it !), if I missed anything let me know!

W/C: 3,807

A/N: I wrote this for @simsadventures 6k mixed adventure challenge (Congrats!) w/ a restaurant setting and the line "If you could just hold my hand and be quiet, that would be nice". If you like it please reblog and comment and tell me what you think! Cheers!

p.s. - Come check out my other fics or find me on AO3 (same name)!

Main Masterlist

7 PM

Your best Jimmy Choos click gingerly as you walk up to the hostess stand at one of the most popular restaurants in Manhattan. He had made the reservation in your name, which you gave to the hostess. She takes a minute to consider you, cocking a brow as she silently clocks your ASOS cocktail dress. You looked chic enough that she could forgive you. Her moment wasn’t lost on you, this part of the Upper West Side was so stuffy so you put on your best.

Feeling slightly self-conscious about your attire you brushed the feeling off quickly. He would be here soon and he’d reassure you how beautiful you look. When you’d met for coffee he’d make you feel so sexy and confident with how sure of himself he was. So when he asked you to dinner at one of the most renowned places in the city and said he wanted to talk tonight you accepted immediately.

“Right this way” the hostess said and broke you out of your self-doubting stupor and guided you towards a some-what secluded table towards the back of the restaurant.

“Here are some menus for you two, if you’d like anything to drink while you wait, your waiter should be here soon”, she sent you an artificial smile and turned on her heel back to the stand.

You picked up a menu and it left you reeling at the prices. You had half a mind to text him and see if he wanted to go somewhere else. Based off of the way he dresses and how he had tipped the barista on your first outing you thought better of it. He’d said he wanted to treat you, so you’ll let him.

7:15 PM

You decided to wait to order anything to drink until he got here, too afraid of the price tag attached to any bottle of wine on the menu.

You took a sip of your water and checked your texts for the second time since sitting down. Still nothing, you didn’t want to text him just yet, you knew he was busy and you didn’t want to seem overbearing. You knew he was a CFO and he’d be coming from the financial district when traffic was insane. You could forgive him. You take another sip of your water hoping it’ll wash all of your doubts away. Besides, it’s not like he’s late-late, he’s like, fashionably late, he’s working-man late.

7:30 PM

Okay, so he’s late-late, don’t panic. Sometimes things happen, he’s only human and this is only your second date.

Your waiter approaches the table again, eyebrows raised expectantly at you. The smug look on his face says he’s thinking what you’re too afraid to.

You order yourself a $25 martini. Your waiter promises to return and you finish off your water.

Time to craft the perfect text that says ‘Hey I’m here, where tf are you?’ without actually asking where the fuck he’s at. You tap away nervously on your phone.

‘Hey, I’ve got a table towards the back, closer to the end of the bar’ Perfect.

7:45 PM

You’re still sitting solo at the table, you feel the beginnings of humiliation creep into your features. You feel warm, your brows form a seemingly permanent crease of worry, and you are trying everything in your power to suppress the tears you felt building up.

You don’t make eye contact with your waiter when he stops by again, playing it off like you were sending a text. But you tell him you’ll be right back so that he doesn’t give up your table.

You walk quickly to the bathroom hoping no one will notice your trembling face. You feel just like a middle schooler that got dumped at the dance. You make it to a bathroom stool and dial your best friend, Wanda.

“Is everything okay? You’re supposed to be out with your mystery date aren’t you?” She had answered almost immediately.

You sniffled a bit and took a shaky inhale. “Y-yes, our reservation was for 7 and he put it in my name, I texted him once already but I don’t wanna seem too overbearing for a second date, y’know? But something feels off. I don’t know, maybe I’m being crazy.”

“You’re definitely not being crazy, it sounds fishy to me. If he doesn’t answer in five minutes I want you to leave and come straight over. I’ll have white Russians and Drag Race waiting for you” Wanda always knew just what to say, just how to make you feel. You were grateful for her.

You sighed into the receiver. “Thanks, babe, I’ll let you know what happens either way”. You hung up and grabbed some toilet paper to dab at the corners of your eyes. You knew you’d need an extra minute to compose yourself as you faced the truth.

He’s not coming, he’s not texting me back, he probably regretted setting the date which is why he put the reservation in my name, I won’t be hearing from him again. Just pay your tab, smile, and leave. You got this.

7:52 PM

Checking your appearance in the mirror one last time you let out a final sigh and push open the door back to the dining room. Your walk to your table begins to slow when you notice someone is sitting at your table. A rather tall, unfamiliar someone.

Did the waiter really give away the table? I’ve been gone all of 7 minutes! What do I even say to this stranger? Should I just grab my bag and go? Hopefully it’s still there.

Your final steps towards your seat are nervous and uneven. The man in the chair opposite yours must’ve heard you and he faces you. You’re struck with an unfamiliar but extremely handsome face. The look of surprise must be tangible because he laughs and slight wrinkles form at the edges of his eyes. Who the fuck is this guy? Well he hasn’t stolen my purse so there’s that.

“I-” You lean over to grab your purse when you’re cut off mid-apology.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, you know how it is at work. Sit down, I ordered a bottle of wine for the table”. The man said.

You sat down slowly and felt so stiff and uncomfortable in the chair. Were you being pranked? Was this part of some very elaborate joke? Before you could ask any of those questions the man reached across the table and grabbed your hand.

“If you could just hold my hand and be quiet, that would be nice” He said as his thumb grazed your knuckles. You were slightly stunned by his boldness. You complied, if only out of shock and hoped he’d explain himself a little better or let you go in time for you to make an exit.

He leaned in closer to you, to anyone else it would’ve looked like an intimate moment during any normal date. He looked you in the eyes while he kept hold of your hand and you realized how warm he was, how clear his eyes were. You took a deep breath through your nose and tried to play it cool.

“I’ve been at the bar for a while now, it seems like whichever idiot decided to stand you up made a grave mistake.” Your brows pinched together and he continued, “I was with a friend talking business but he left and you look like you needed to be saved from the incident so here I am. James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”

You were unsure what to do with the information just given to you. Yes, it would’ve been embarrassing to pay your tab and leave alone after sitting there for almost an entire hour by yourself, but it was also embarrassing that this man had noticed and you certainly didn’t need anyone looking at you like some damsel in distress.

You caught yourself from scoffing completely and schooled your features. “I… appreciate that you’d do that for me but I don’t want anyone’s sympathy, especially not a date.” You tried to pull away when his hand gently squeezed yours.

“Please- I- I didn’t mean to make it sound like I’m doing this out of pity. Whatever happened here is unfortunate, yes. But you’re also very beautiful and you’re here by yourself so why not ‘shoot my shot’ as I believe the kids are saying these days? Think of me like a stand-in for the other guy, but y’know, better” he replied playfully.

A very brief moment of contemplation was solidified by your lack of notifications on your phone. Why not? He’s good looking and he’s doing you a favor.

You had to at least afford a small chuckle at that. “So ‘Bucky’, huh? Well I don’t have any cool nicknames but you can call me by my first name.” You gave it to him and he repeated it back to you, a wry smile on his face.

8:05 PM

Still no texts from him but you did text Wanda to tell her everything worked out and there’d be details to come. She’d go into full on mama bear mode if you hadn’t updated her.

“So, Bucky, what do you do? Do you live here in Manhattan?” You asked before taking a sip of your wine (which you didn’t dare check the price of per bottle).

“Brooklyn, actually, but a lot of my business is here. Have you heard of Buchannan hospitality?” He asked.

Your brain snagged itself on that name. That sounds familiar? Where have I seen that? Oh wait! Didn’t you see him in the Forbes ‘30 under 30’ list last year?

You’d meant to answer him but unfortunately all that came out was a confused “Forbes?” at which he laughed a little bit and nodded.

“Yeah you might’ve seen me there. I own some hotels and lounges around Manhattan and Brooklyn. What do you do?” He had brushed off his accolades so quickly, wanting instead to know about you, this random girl that had been stood up.

Shit, your mid-level marketing job doesn’t stand up to this in the least. You took a sip of the wine and answered him, explaining you were second in command of your small company’s marketing department.

He seemed genuinely intrigued and you two ended up talking business and swapping office and university disaster stories until the main course arrived. You dug into your meal, savoring the taste and relishing in the unusual turn of events.

8:47 PM

The plates have been cleared away and the wine glasses refilled. Bucky was proving to be great company and as oddly as it started you were grateful to be sitting here with him. You’d nearly forgotten about your would-be date and decided to check your phone one last time.

You had 11 unread texts, 10 of them from Wanda wanting a play-by-play and one of them from the man that had stood you up. You opened it and sighed. ‘Can’t make it tonight, baby, promise to make it up to you soon’.

You scoffed to yourself. He’s not gonna say where he’s been? Or even say sorry? Douche.

You put your phone away and looked back up to Bucky who was eyeing you with playful curiosity.

“Lemme guess, that was the guy who was supposed to be seeing you’s sorry ass excuse followed by a flimsy apology” He said as he drank from his water glass.

“You’re 1 for 3. It was him but he didn’t apologize or try to explain himself. Should’ve known when he put the reservation under my name and not his that something might be up and when he wasn’t there on time.” You said more to yourself than to Bucky.

“What’s his name?” Bucky asked.

“His name’s Brock Rumlow,” Bucky’s expression changed just slightly at this. “I think he works at some firm in the financial district. We only ever went out the once before this so I don’t really remember.” You explained. “What? What’s that look for? Please don’t tell me you know him”.

“Sorry to say that I do. Sorry to say I know his wife too” He said a little more quietly.

You felt humiliated all over again, the same feelings that you experienced in this very seat not an hour ago still had you by the gills it would seem.

Bucky reached for your hand again, running the pads of his thumb across the ridges of your knuckles in an attempt to calm you.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to make you upset, but you definitely ought to know that Rumlow is no one that deserves your time” Bucky said in earnest.

His words were nice but you’d need some time to get over this embarrassment on your own. In the meantime, you really were enjoying Bucky’s company so you decided to let it distract you.

Bucky flagged down a waiter, signaling him to bring the check. He took one glance at it and set his card inside. As you reached for the bill with your own card in hand he gave it to the waiter before you could even get a peek. He was so nonchalant when he looked at you.

“Don’t even think about it. So tell me, is the night over or are you game to spend a little more time on me?” He asked. This is the second time he’d been dominant but kind in one breath. You weren’t entirely sure how you felt but you didn’t dislike it.

If you went home you’d just be wallowing in your own self pity, or you’d go to Wanda’s and do it but if you go with Bucky you could delay that feeling for a bit longer. Out with a stranger it is.

“Where to?” You asked him.

9:59 PM

A private booth on the top floor of what he said was one of his favorite lounges turned out to be where to. You were relieved to find there was no dancing, as you had two left feet and half a bottle of wine by now. When you got to the booth you stuck with water, knowing you’d need to get yourself home.

Bucky had insisted on one glass of champagne ‘to chance encounters’ he’d said. You agreed but just one. You found yourself closer to him while you talked, your knees touched and his hand found its way to your leg. It didn’t dare to move higher up, just staying there like a comforting weight almost while you conversed.

You were rambling on about the time you and your cousin took your dad’s car for a joyride when you were 14. You were laughing the whole thing off when you realized he wasn’t laughing with you. You had worried for a moment that you’d bored him when you saw the soft yet intense look in his eye and tilted your head with curiosity.

“You’re very beautiful, you know that right?” He didn’t let you answer as he shifted closer. “I’d like to kiss you, is that alright with you?”

Oh. You were caught off guard by the abruptness of his question. Suddenly shy, all you could do was give a small nod and bite your lip in anticipation. His full lips were soft and almost as warm as his hands, which were holding you in an embrace. One of your hands had made their way to his hair and one on the outside of his lower thigh. You sighed as you kissed him back.

It was soft but insistent, things became a little more passionate as you swiped your tongue into his mouth and you both let out a small moan. You didn’t want to stop kissing Bucky, it just felt right.

He finally broke the kiss as one of his hands still rested at the nape of your neck. You were breathless, this man had kissed the daylights out of you. If he could do that with his tongue imagine what else he could do with it. You were both panting softly, sorting through what to make of things and where to go from here.

“I don’t know about you, but I wanna keep doing that, but this might not be the best place for it. You can say no if you want to, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but I’d love to take you home and treat you right” He said with unwavering eye contact.

Well how on Earth could I say no to that even if I wanted to? Wait doesn’t he live in Brooklyn?

“Let’s go back to mine, probably closer” You said. He nodded in agreement and sent a text to his driver to come pick you both up.

10:40 PM

You did indeed find out what else that tongue of his could do, you were finding out right now. He had made you cum once from his tongue alone already but he added to thick fingers and started pumping them into you, making a scissoring motion that hit you just right. You arched your back and pushed his face in deeper as you cried out, signaling your second orgasm.

Completely drunk in the afterglow of it, you wanted to keep this feeling forever. You wanted to show him what you could do too. You got up albeit with a little shakiness and hovered over him. You kissed his neck and slid your hand down to meet his groin. He was still in his briefs and you pulled the elastic band down with ease.

His cock sprang free and you had to hide the slight surprise you felt looking at the sheer size of him. You were always told you were good in bed so time to really put yourself to the test. You kissed your way down to his pelvis and your hand started working him. Staring back up at him you maintained eye contact while you kissed the dab of pre-cum that pooled at the head of his dick.

He shuddered but you kept staring at him, and in what you have to say was a pretty proud moment for you, you held his gaze while you took him slowly and in one go. You closed your eyes and moaned, feeling him in the back of your throat.

“Shit, oh my god. Are you gonna…?” He was lost for words so you decided to answer him by getting to work. You started slowly, up and down, letting yourself get used to his size and reminding yourself to breathe through your nose and stay relaxed.

His moans were growing louder and his breathing heavier, you knew he was close and you were wondering if he was going to let you finish him. You got your answer when he pulled you off of him by the hair.

“As bad as I want you to finish what you started, I wanna feel you first.” He panted.

“So what’s stopping you?” You asked playfully. A small shriek escaped you as he flipped you under him. He lined himself up with your entrance and thrust in slowly. You could tell he was using a lot of restraint but that was quickly forgotten as you remembered how big he was. You suddenly appreciated the slow pace.

As he became fully sheathed inside of you you let out a loud moan that was quickly silenced by his lips on yours. A few more small thrusts and he was nearly fucking your cervix. You felt unbelievably full.

“Had no idea how talented that mouth was of yours, doll. Trying to make me cum without getting to fuck you though? Now that’s just cruel. I think you need to pay for that, don’t you?” He asked playfully as his thrusts became a little harder and forceful.

You could only nod and moan as he picked up his pace. Your hands clung to his shoulders for dear life and you whimpered and keened while he railed you into your mattress. Finally getting used to the feeling you reached down to play with your clit.

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” He asked in between grunts.

Your eyes rounded and you shook your head.

“I wanna be the one to touch you. Make you cum. Only me.” He forced out as he replaced your fingers with his. He made tight, quick circles around your clit but didn’t let up on his pace as he fucked you closer and closer to a third orgasm.

“Your pussy’s making it fuckin’ impossible for me to hold out any longer, need you to cum, sweetheart. Cum all over my fuckin’ dick.” His words sent you right over the edge and you did as you were asked.

Not two seconds later he cried out and emptied himself inside of you, sending a few final pushes into you before taking himself out and dropping down on his side.

You leaned over and kissed him with what little breath you two had left. Your sweat mixed together but you didn’t mind.

His hands provided that comforting weight as he brought one to your shoulder and the other to your hip. He kissed the tip of your nose and watched you begin to drift off to sleep. He could probably use the rest himself and decided to close his eyes for a bit.

9:30 AM

You woke up in a half empty bed, but before you could let yourself be too disappointed you heard the sound of your shower turning off. You padded down to the bathroom and opened the door to find Bucky toweling off. He gave you a lopsided grin.

“Good mornin’, I would’ve asked you to join me but you looked so peaceful I didn’t wanna wake you.” He explained. “If you’re not sick of me, do you maybe wanna grab some breakfast?”

You shook your head and reached past him to turn the shower back on.

“No way. I make the best pancakes and as a thank you for everything last night, I insist on making some for you.” You smiled up at him, hopeful he’d agree.

“Well I hope you know what you’re up against, I’m a very insatiable man.” He joked back.

You hit him with a washcloth and laughed. “Oh believe me I know. Gimme 15 and I’ll be right out.”

He nodded and closed the door behind him. You let your mind wander back to last night as you washed off the sweat that lingered from the night before.

10:15 AM

You set down two plates stacked mile-high with pancakes and bacon. You held your coffee mug up to his and clinked against it.

“To chance encounters” You said with a smile.

[yurimultiship]

Falin/Marcille

From the manga Dungeon Meshi, they are one of my most favorite recent ships, so I wanted to make a post to try and put down what I love about them/gush about it!

The story begins with Falin saving her brother Laios, Marcille and the rest of their adventuring party from a dragon by teleporting them, before getting eaten herself. Ressurecting her is the initial goal of the protagonists, so she’s not as present and as much of a main character as Marcille but what we get to see of her (a lot of it through flashbacks) still manage to nicely show us various aspects of her character and relationships with Marcille and Laios.

Everything between Marcille and Falin begins in the magic academy they both study in, when “the best student in the history of the school” follows the school outcast  to see a miniature dungeon that she discovered.

While Marcille is studious, well-mannered, stuck-up and very confident in her abilities, Falin is a bit of a wild child who likes exploring and doesn’t often listen well in class, learning in her own way/at her own rythm instead and seems more insecure about her worth. But when Falin shows Marcille a dungeon and shares some of her thoughts with her, Marcille realizes that you can’t learn everything in books and that Falin’s quite and amazing person that she’d like to become friend with.

They were both rather lonely kids (for different reasons) who share an interest in learning about the world around them (again, not quite in the same way) and I just love this kind of “opposites attract through shared goals/feelings”.

Based on illustrations and tidbits we get of them, they pretty much have a vibe of hanging out together most of the time.

Falin’s death put Marcille to the test by forcing her to do things she really doesn’t want to (like eating monsters) in order to save her. But while Marcille is ready to do a lot, she’s also fussy and she will complain about it!! Which is both funny and endearing, showing her determination much better than if she went through those events with barely a flinch. Plus, it can also be pretty shippy on occasion, like when Marcille is horrified at being stuck in an ugly frog-skin outfit, because she can’t have Falin see her like that when they save her!!

Once our group finally reach Falin, they realize they may be too late. Until Marcille decides to reveal she can use the dark arts ancient magic to do the job.

Oh. Oooh.

This opens the door to looking at Marcille’s character and the ship in a whole new light. Falin seems well at first, though she is very worried about what Marcille did for her sake and how it could put all those she cares about in danger. But what the characters haven’t realized yet is that Marcille’s magic has given a way for the master of the dungeon to take control of Falin.

And so obviously, that’s what happens, to the delight of those who love angsty friends/lovers to enemies (through mindcontrol). And to the monsters lovers as well because she gets turned into a chimera, this is Dungeon Meshi after all! And obviously, I am both of those.

Another angst factor, as we get deeper in the story, is the issue of the species age difference : Falin has the equivalent of human characteristics and life expectancy in the Dunmeshi world, while Marcille has elfish origins and so she ages differently than her friends and is afraid about losing those she cares about because of that. It’s another thing, with that kind of fantasy species ships that can be very interesting to explore.

So there’s both fluffy and angsty content in their relationship and interactions, as well as potential for plenty more! Just like in food, a variety of flavors is great in a ship!

Oh and yeah, they have a bathing together scene. And a sleeping together one.

[antiporn-activist]

The Children of Pornhub

Why does Canada allow this company to profit off videos of exploitation and assault?

By Nicholas Kristof, Opinion Columnist, Dec. 4, 2020, New York Times

This article contains descriptions of sexual assault. It’s also really long.

Pornhub prides itself on being the cheery, winking face of naughty, the website that buys a billboard in Times Square and provides snow plows to clear Boston streets. It donates to organizations fighting for racial equality and offers steamy content free to get people through Covid-19 shutdowns.

Yet there’s another side of the company: Its site is infested with rape videos. It monetizes child rapes, revenge pornography, spy cam videos of women showering, racist and misogynist content, and footage of women being asphyxiated in plastic bags. A search for “girls under18” (no space) or “14yo” leads in each case to more than 100,000 videos. Most aren’t of children being assaulted, but too many are.

After a 15-year-old girl went missing in Florida, her mother found her on Pornhub — in 58 sex videos. Sexual assaults on a 14-year-old California girl were posted on Pornhub and were reported to the authorities not by the company but by a classmate who saw the videos. In each case, offenders were arrested for the assaults, but Pornhub escaped responsibility for sharing the videos and profiting from them.

Pornhub is like YouTube in that it allows members of the public to post their own videos. A great majority of the 6.8 million new videos posted on the site each year probably involve consenting adults, but many depict child abuse and nonconsensual violence. Because it’s impossible to be sure whether a youth in a video is 14 or 18, neither Pornhub nor anyone else has a clear idea of how much content is illegal.

Unlike YouTube, Pornhub allows these videos to be downloaded directly from its website. So even if a rape video is removed at the request of the authorities, it may already be too late: The video lives on as it is shared with others or uploaded again and again.

“Pornhub became my trafficker,” a woman named Cali told me. She says she was adopted in the United States from China and then trafficked by her adoptive family and forced to appear in pornographic videos beginning when she was 9. Some videos of her being abused ended up on Pornhub and regularly reappear there, she said.

“I’m still getting sold, even though I’m five years out of that life,” Cali said. Now 23, she is studying in a university and hoping to become a lawyer — but those old videos hang over her.

“I may never be able to get away from this,” she said. “I may be 40 with eight kids, and people are still masturbating to my photos.”

“You type ‘Young Asian’ and you can probably find me,” she added.

Actually, maybe not. Pornhub recently was offering 26,000 videos in response to that search. That doesn’t count videos that show up under “related searches” that Pornhub suggests, including “young tiny teen,” “extra small petite teen,” “tiny Asian teen” or just “young girl.” Nor does it necessarily count videos on a Pornhub channel called “exploited teen Asia.”

I came across many videos on Pornhub that were recordings of assaults on unconscious women and girls. The rapists would open the eyelids of the victims and touch their eyeballs to show that they were nonresponsive.

Pornhub profited this fall from a video of a naked woman being tortured by a gang of men in China. It is monetizing video compilations with titles like “Screaming Teen,” “Degraded Teen” and “Extreme Choking.” Look at a choking video and it may suggest also searching for “She Can’t Breathe.”

It should be possible to be sex positive and Pornhub negative.

Pornhub declined to make executives available on the record, but it provided a statement. “Pornhub is unequivocally committed to combating child sexual abuse material, and has instituted a comprehensive, industry-leading trust and safety policy to identify and eradicate illegal material from our community,” it said. Pornhub added that any assertion that the company allows child videos on the site “is irresponsible and flagrantly untrue.”

II.

At 14, Serena K. Fleites was an A student in Bakersfield, Calif., who had never made out with a boy. But in the eighth grade she developed a crush on a boy a year older, and he asked her to take a naked video of herself. She sent it to him, and this changed her life.

He asked for another, then another; she was nervous but flattered. “That’s when I started getting strange looks in school,” she remembered. He had shared the videos with other boys, and someone posted them on Pornhub.

Fleites’s world imploded. It’s tough enough to be 14 without having your classmates entertain themselves by looking at you naked, and then mocking you as a slut. “People were texting me, if I didn’t send them a video, they were going to send them to my mom,” she said.

The boy was suspended, but Fleites began skipping class because she couldn’t bear the shame. Her mother persuaded Pornhub to remove the videos, and Fleites switched schools. But rumors reached the new school, and soon the videos were uploaded again to Pornhub and other websites.

Fleites quarreled with her mother and began cutting herself. Then one day she went to the medicine cabinet and took every antidepressant pill she could find.

Three days later, she woke up in the hospital, frustrated to be still alive. Next she hanged herself in the bathroom; her little sister found her, and medics revived her.

As Fleites spiraled downward, a friend introduced her to meth and opioids, and she became addicted to both. She dropped out of school and became homeless.

At 16, she advertised on Craigslist and began selling naked photos and videos of herself. It was a way to make a bit of money, and maybe also a way to punish herself. She thought, “I’m not worth anything any more because everybody has already seen my body,” she told me.

Those videos also ended up on Pornhub. Fleites would ask that they be removed. They usually would be, she says — but then would be uploaded again. One naked video of her at 14 had 400,000 views, she says, leaving her afraid to apply for fast-food jobs for fear that someone would recognize her.

So today Fleites, 19, off drugs for a year but unemployed and traumatized, is living in her car in Bakersfield, along with three dogs that have proved more loyal and loving than the human species. She dreams of becoming a vet technician but isn’t sure how to get there. “It’s kind of hard to go to school when you’re living in a car with dogs,” she said.

“I was dumb,” she acknowledged, noting that she had never imagined that the videos could be shared online. “It was one small thing that a teenager does, and it’s crazy how it turns into something so much bigger.

“A whole life can be changed because of one little mistake.”

III.

The problem goes far beyond one company. Indeed, a rival of Pornhub, XVideos, which arguably has even fewer scruples, may attract more visitors. Depictions of child abuse also appear on mainstream sites like Twitter, Reddit and Facebook. And Google supports the business models of companies that thrive on child molestation.

Google returns 920 million videos on a search for “young porn.” Top hits include a video of a naked “very young teen” engaging in sex acts on XVideo along with a video on Pornhub whose title is unprintable here.

I asked the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to compile the number of images, videos and other content related to child sexual exploitation reported to it each year. In 2015, it received reports of 6.5 million videos or other files; in 2017, 20.6 million; and in 2019, 69.2 million.

Facebook removed 12.4 million images related to child exploitation in a three-month period this year. Twitter closed 264,000 accounts in six months last year for engaging in sexual exploitation of children. By contrast, Pornhub notes that the Internet Watch Foundation, an England-based nonprofit that combats child sexual abuse imagery, reported only 118 instances of child sexual abuse imagery on its site over almost three years, seemingly a negligible figure. “Eliminating illegal content is an ongoing battle for every modern content platform, and we are committed to remaining at the forefront,” Pornhub said in its statement.

The Internet Watch Foundation couldn’t explain why its figure for Pornhub is so low. Perhaps it’s because people on Pornhub are inured to the material and unlikely to report it. But if you know what to look for, it’s possible to find hundreds of apparent child sexual abuse videos on Pornhub in 30 minutes. Pornhub has recently offered playlists with names including “less than 18,” “the best collection of young boys” and “under- - age.”

Congress and successive presidents have done almost nothing as this problem has grown. The tech world that made it possible has been mostly passive, in a defensive crouch. But pioneering reporting in 2019 by my Times colleagues has prodded Congress to begin debating competing strategies to address child exploitation.

Concerns about Pornhub are bubbling up. A petition to shut the site down has received 2.1 million signatures. Senator Ben Sasse, a Nebraska Republican, called on the Justice Department to investigate Pornhub. PayPal cut off services for the company, and credit card companies have been asked to do the same. An organization called Traffickinghub, led by an activist named Laila Mickelwait, documents abuses and calls for the site to be shut down. Twenty members of Canada’s Parliament have called on their government to crack down on Pornhub, which is effectively based in Montreal.

“They made money off my pain and suffering,” an 18-year-old woman named Taylor told me. A boyfriend secretly made a video of her performing a sex act when she was 14, and it ended up on Pornhub, the police confirmed. “I went to school the next day and everybody was looking at their phones and me as I walked down the hall,” she added, weeping as she spoke. “They were laughing.”

Taylor said she has twice attempted suicide because of the humiliation and trauma. Like others quoted here, she agreed to tell her story and help document it because she thought it might help other girls avoid suffering as she did.

IV.

Pornhub is owned by Mindgeek, a private pornography conglomerate with more than 100 websites, production companies and brands. Its sites include Redtube, Youporn, XTube, SpankWire, ExtremeTube, Men.com, My Dirty Hobby, Thumbzilla, PornMD, Brazzers and GayTube. There are other major players in porn outside the Mindgeek umbrella, most notably XHamster and XVideos, but Mindgeek is a porn titan. If it operated in another industry, the Justice Department could be discussing an antitrust case against it.

Pornhub and Mindgeek also stand out because of their influence. One study this year by a digital marketing company concluded that Pornhub was the technology company with the third greatest-impact on society in the 21st century, after Facebook and Google but ahead of Microsoft, Apple and Amazon.

Nominally based in Luxembourg for tax reasons, Mindgeek is a private company run from Montreal. It does not disclose who owns it, but it is led by Feras Antoon and David Tassillo, both Canadians, who declined to be interviewed.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada calls himself a feminist and has been proud of his government’s efforts to empower women worldwide. So a question for Trudeau and all Canadians: Why does Canada host a company that inflicts rape videos on the world?

Mindgeek’s moderators are charged with filtering out videos of children, but its business model profits from sex videos starring young people.

“The goal for a content moderator is to let as much content as possible go through,” a former Mindgeek employee told me. He said he believed that the top executives weren’t evil but were focused above all on maximizing revenue.

While Pornhub would not tell me how many moderators it employs, I interviewed one who said that there are about 80 worldwide who work on Mindgeek sites (by comparison, Facebook told me it has 15,000 moderators). With 1.36 million new hours of video uploaded a year to Pornhub, that means that each moderator would have to review hundreds of hours of content each week.

The moderators fast forward through videos, but it’s often difficult to assess whether a person is 14 or 18, or whether torture is real or fake. Most of the underage content involves teenagers, the moderator I spoke with said, but some comes from spy cams in toilets or changing rooms and shows children only 8 to 12.

“The job in itself is soul-destroying,” the moderator said.

Pornhub appears to be increasingly alarmed about civil or criminal liability. Lawyers are circling, and nine women sued the company in federal court after spy cam videos surfaced on Pornhub. The videos were shot in a locker room at Limestone College in South Carolina and showed women showering and changing clothes.

Executives of Pornhub appear in the past to have assumed that they enjoyed immunity under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, which protects internet platforms on which members of the public post content. But in 2018 Congress limited Section 230 so that it may not be enough to shield the company, leading Mindgeek to behave better.

It has doubled the number of moderators in the last couple of years, the moderator told me, and this year Pornhub began voluntarily reporting illegal material to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. After previously dragging its feet in removing videos of children and nonconsensual content, Pornhub now is responding more rapidly.

It has also compiled a list of banned content. I obtained a copy of this list, and it purports to bar videos with terms or themes like “rape,” “preteen,” “pedophilia” and “bestiality” (it helpfully clarifies that this “includes eels, fish, octopus, insects”). Diapers are OK “if no scatophilia.” Mutilation depends on context but “cannot depict severing parts of the body.”

So while it is now no longer possible to search on Pornhub in English using terms like “underage” or “rape,” the company hasn’t tried hard to eliminate such videos. A member called “13yoboyteen” is allowed to post videos. A search for “r*pe,” turns up 1,901 videos. “Girl with braces” turns up 1,913 videos and suggests also trying “exxxtra small teens.” A search for “13yo” generates 155,000 videos. To be clear, most aren’t of 13-year-olds, but the fact that they’re promoted with that language seems to reflect an effort to attract pedophiles.

Moreover, some videos seem at odds with the list of banned content. “Runaway Girl Gets Ultimatum, Anal or the Streets” is the title of one Pornhub video. Another user posts videos documenting sex with teenage girls as they weep, protest and cry out in pain.

While Pornhub is becoming more careful about videos of potentially litigious Americans, it remains cavalier about overseas victims. One Indonesian video is titled “Junior High School Girl After Class” and shows what appears to be a young teenager having sex. A Chinese sex video, just taken down, was labeled: “Beautiful High School Girl Is Tricked by Classmates and Taken to the Top of a Building Where She Is Insulted and Raped.”

“They’re making money off the worst moment in my life, off my body,” a Colombian teenager who asked to be called Xela, a nickname, told me. Two American men paid her when she was 16 for a sexual encounter that they filmed and then posted on Pornhub. She was one of several Pornhub survivors who told me they had thought of or attempted suicide.

In the last few days as I was completing this article, two new videos of prepubescent girls being assaulted were posted, along with a sex video of a 15-year-old girl who was suicidal after it went online. I don’t see how good-faith moderators could approve any of these videos.

V.

“It’s always going to be online,” Nicole, a British woman who has had naked videos of herself posted and reposted on Pornhub, told me. “That’s my big fear of having kids, them seeing this.”

That’s a recurring theme among survivors: An assault eventually ends, but Pornhub renders the suffering interminable.

Naked videos of Nicole at 15 were posted on Pornhub. Now 19, she has been trying for two years to get them removed.

“Why do videos of me from when I was 15 years old and blackmailed, which is child porn, continuously [get] uploaded?” Nicole protested plaintively to Pornhub last year, in a message. “You really need a better system. … I tried to kill myself multiple times after finding myself reuploaded on your website.”

Nicole’s lawyer, Dani Pinter, says there are still at least three naked videos of Nicole at age 15 or 16 on Pornhub that they are trying to get removed.

“It’s never going to end,” Nicole said. “They’re getting so much money from our trauma.”

Pornhub has introduced software that supposedly can “fingerprint” rape videos and prevent them from being uploaded again. But Vice showed how this technology is easily circumvented on Pornhub.

One Pornhub scandal involved the Girls Do Porn production company, which recruited young women for clothed modeling gigs and then pushed them to perform in sex videos, claiming that the videos would be sold only as DVDs in other countries and would never go online. Reassured that no one would ever know, some of the women agreed — and then were shattered when the footage was aggressively marketed on Pornhub.

Girls Do Porn was prosecuted for sex trafficking and shut down. But those videos continue to surface and resurface on Pornhub; last time I checked, videos of six victims of Girls Do Porn were on Pornhub, which continues to profit from them.

One of the Girls Do Porn women I saw on Pornhub is now dead. She was murdered at 20, allegedly by an angry ex-boyfriend who is about to go on trial. I’m not disclosing her name because she should be remembered as a vibrant college athlete, and not for a sex video that represented her most mortifying moment.

VI.

So what’s the solution?

I had expected the survivors to want to shut down Pornhub and send its executives to prison. Some did, but others were more nuanced. Lydia, now 20, was trafficked as a child and had many rape videos posted on the site. “My stomach hurts all the time” from the tension, she told me, but she doesn’t want to come across as hostile to porn itself.

“I don’t want people to hear ‘No porn!’” Lydia told me. “It’s more like, ‘Stop hurting kids.’”

Susan Padron told me that she had assumed that pornography was consensual, until a boyfriend filmed her in a sex act when she was 15 and posted it on Pornhub. She has struggled since and believes that only people who have confirmed their identities should be allowed to post videos.

Jessica Shumway, who was trafficked and had a customer post a sex video on Pornhub, agrees: “They need to figure out who’s underage in the videos and that there’s consent from everybody in it.”

I asked Leo, 18, who had videos of himself posted on Pornhub when he was 14, what he suggested.

“That’s tough,” he said. “My solution would be to leave porn to professional production companies,” because they require proof of age and consent.

Right now, those companies can’t compete with mostly free sites like Pornhub and XVideos.

“Pornhub has already destroyed the business model for pay sites,” said Stoya, an adult film actress and writer. She, too, thinks all platforms — from YouTube to Pornhub — should require proof of consent to upload videos of private individuals.

Columnists are supposed to offer answers, but I struggle with solutions. If Pornhub curated videos more rigorously, the most offensive material might just move to the dark web or to websites in less regulated countries. Yet at least they would then not be normalized on a mainstream site.

More pressure and less impunity would help. We’re already seeing that limiting Section 230 immunity leads to better self-policing.

And call me a prude, but I don’t see why search engines, banks or credit card companies should bolster a company that monetizes sexual assaults on children or unconscious women. If PayPal can suspend cooperation with Pornhub, so can American Express, Mastercard and Visa.

I don’t see any neat solution. But aside from limiting immunity so that companies are incentivized to behave better, here are three steps that would help: 1.) Allow only verified users to post videos. 2.) Prohibit downloads. 3.) Increase moderation.

These measures wouldn’t kill porn or much bother consumers of it; YouTube thrives without downloads. Siri Dahl, a prominent porn star who does business with Pornhub, told me that my three proposals are “insanely reasonable.”

The world has often been oblivious to child sexual abuse, from the Catholic Church to the Boy Scouts. Too late, we prosecute individuals like Jeffrey Epstein or R. Kelly. But we should also stand up to corporations that systematically exploit children. With Pornhub, we have Jeffrey Epstein times 1,000.

[cacoetheswriting]

idea of perfection

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: kinda angsty, subtle mentions of weight / body image issues Word Count: 1.3k Request: anonymous: “i was wondering if you could write something with Spencer and a plus size reader based on the song heather but please let them end up together.” A/N: so for context i made jj ‘heather’ in this fic. this kinda takes place around the first season so will isn't in the picture yet and spencer is crushing on her. hope you like it!

-

The air caught in your throat as the petite blonde entered the room. She neatly placed the latest case files on the conference table and peeked up at you; a warm grin illuminating her already perfect features. Your mouth twitched into an awkward half-smile before she turned her attention to the screen turning it on.

Your eyes however were still fixated on her. Rather on what she was wearing. A burgundy sweater you knew all too well hung loosely on her figure. Underneath, she wore a white blouse. Silk no doubt. The collar was elegantly placed around the ruff making the colour of the sweater pop even more.

There was no denying JJ looked great, like an off-duty runway model. When you were lucky enough to wear that exact same burgundy garment that one afternoon it clung to your body tightly, you were afraid you might stretch it out on him. You glanced down at your stomach and sighed quietly.

A million questions raced through your mind. Why was JJ wearing that? Where did she get it? Did he give it to her? Obviously he must have, that was the only logical explanation, but why did he give it to her. Why? Why-

The young doctor entered the briefing room and immediately breaking you away from your thoughts. Sitting up straight in your chair you watched as Spencer sat down across from you, his eyes glued to JJ. The two of them exchanged soft smiles. He complimented her awkwardly, pointing at the sweater. Her smile widened. “Thanks Spence. And thank you for letting me borrow it.”  

The lump in your throat grew tighter with every passing second. It was clear that the blonde cared about him deeply. Whether her feelings were romantic or platonic no-one really knew but either way you couldn't compete with JJ. A sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. You stood no chance. It made you want to curl into a ball and cry.

“You have to just come clean Y/N.” Elle whispered as the two of you walked out of the briefing. “Are you crazy?” You muttered back. “Babe, you will never know until you try.” “I do know. He likes her.” Elle shrugged. “I know in my gut that the pretty doctor has his eyes set on you.” “You’re delusional.” “You’re delusional.” She walked around her desk, reaching underneath for her things. You rolled your eyes playfully at the brunette and proceeded to grab your own go-bag before the two of you headed for the elevator together. 

Elle has been your friend since day one. Your ‘partner and confidant’ as she calls it. She is the only person on the team that knows your true feelings towards Spencer. Sworn to secrecy, she nudges you a little everyday to ask him out. Encourages you to make small talk with the young doctor, sit next to him at the bar during afterwork drinks or on the jet - which is exactly what she prompted you to do when stepping onto the aircraft.

She nudged you gently, yet effectively, making you stumble into the free seat beside Spencer.  

“Hi.” “Hello.” He greeted you with a warm smile. It made your heart skip a beat.

“What are you reading?” You asked, pointing to the book in his lap. He showed you the front cover before answering. “The Lucifer Effect by Philip Zimbardo.” “What’s it about?” You probed while making yourself comfortable. “It explores why good people can be convinced to act evil and where the line is really drawn between good and bad. It also gives an excellent insight into the power of roles and group identity, and how humans can become cruel very quickly in the right situation.”  

Trying to get a quick scan of the page Spencer was currently on, you leaned towards him. It wasn’t until he stopped talking that you realised how suddenly close the two of you were. Nervously, you looked up to find he was already looking at you. 

“W-well-” You cleared your throat. “Be sure to let me know if it’s worth the read when you’re finished.” Spencer nodded, still looking at you. “I suspect I’ll have just enough time to make a coffee.” You joked awkwardly hoping he’d laugh. He did. 

“If eh- if you make me one too I can summarise the book for you.” 

“It’s a date.” 

It took you a second to register the sentence that has just come out of your mouth. You bit your tongue, eyes wide with horror. But Spencer didn't seem to mind, maybe he misunderstood what you meant. Or maybe he didn't realise that you said it because in that moment Morgan slumped down across from you. 

“So pretty boy, couldn't help but notice that JJ was wearing your favourite sweater this morning.” Spencer’s eyes darted from you to Derek. You took note of the slight reddish blush greeting the young doctors facial features. Nervously, he cleared his throat.“I let her borrow it.” “Nice one kid!” Morgan exclaimed with a grin as you sulked back into your seat; heart aching.

The rest of the day flew by in the blink of an eye. It was suddenly two in the morning and the whole team was heading back to the hotel, all equally exhausted. 

As usual you were bunking with Elle who called dibs on the bathroom and disappeared the moment you set foot inside your room. Through the wall, you could hear the shower being switched on accompanied by Elle’s not so quiet humming. 

There was a knock on the door breaking you away from listening to the concert Elle was performing. With a smile on your face, you headed to open it. The young doctor greeted you on the other side. 

“Spencer, what are you doing here?” 

He held up the book he was reading earlier. “I’m here for our date.” 

You blinked - did you hear that correctly? “I-uh” “It-It’s late I know, but I eh didn't want you thinking I stood you up.” With a raised brow, you stepped out into the hall closing the door behind you. You couldn’t tell whether he was being serious. Obviously not, right? 

“Spencer, I was just kidding around.” You lied, instantly regretting it. His face fell. “Oh, I’m sorry Y/N. I’ll eh I’m just gonna go.” He hesitated briefly before turning on his heel to walk away. “Goodnight Y/N.” 

The young doctor began to stride down the hall. You cursed quietly as Elle’s comment to ‘come clean’ flashed like an alert in your head. 

“Spencer wait!” 

He froze and immediately turned back to look in your direction. Taking a deep breath, you took a couple of steps towards him. He did the same and the two of you met in the middle. 

“I lied, I wasn’t kidding. I would love to go on a date with you.” Anxiously, you pulled at the hem of your shirt as you continued on. There were tears forming in your eyes. “But then I think, why would you ever want to go out with someone like- like me. Someone who looks like me when you could easily be with the perfect petite JJ. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. She’s perfect and, well, I’m not.” 

Finally, you mustered up the courage to look up from your feet and meet his inviting soft gaze. “The idea of perfection is outdated in my opinion.” Spencer stated while taking a step forward so that you were now standing chest to chest.

“Imagine looking at a rainbow and complaining that one of the colours wasn't perfect. That be ridiculous, yet it’s exactly what humans do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections. We forget that as humans we are also part of nature and therefore should fall into acceptance of the natural state of life which happens to be imperfect.” 

Slowly, and slightly awkwardly, the young doctor lifted his hand to cup your cheek. You leaned into his warm touch without hesitation. “H-however to me Y/N,” He paused. “, y-you are perfect.” 

-

masterlist

[alltheboysandgirlsiloved]

The Mermaid Theory

Or, as i like to call it:

How is Kenji’s trauma related to Mantah Corp

subject: Kenji’s obsession with mermaids and how it can be related to the storyline in general

(warning: this is longer than anticipated)

Lettuce begin:

Kenji Kon (age: 15) is one of the main characters appearing in Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous. He ended up on the camp because his dad is filthy rich which Kenji often uses to make a point. Some other traits that we relate to his character are: general dorkiness, loyalty and self-esteem issues (deeply rooted with how his entire confidence is mostly based on how much he thinks it depends on his wealth, however it is not a subject for today)

One of the things that the fans picked on while watching the show is Kenji’s strange obessesion with mermaid.

The first time a mermaid is mentioned by Kenji is actually in episode 2 season 1, when he says “a dream is like when you save mermaids from a shark”. We all thought that this comparison is just a form of a comic relief. But bro, I don’t think it’s funny anymore, in fact I think that it’s one of the signs of trauma or a distant memory. The kind of memory that maybe even Kenji himself doesn’t understand quite well.

The mermaid keeps coming back every now and then, the two moments that I want to mention here are:

the scene when Yaz wakes Kenji up and he mumbles something about “saving a mermaid” to which Yaz asks him if he only ever dreams about mermaids (which is an indicator that it’s a re-occuring dream)

little Kenji’s drawing that Sammy finds in his father’s photoalbum. The drawing shows a family (presumably Kenji’s family) and a mermaid

Based on that we can assume one thing for sure: mermaids (or one mermaid) were an important part of Kenji’s childhood. Whether they were an imaginary friend or something more real is up to you to decide.

Let’s keep that in our minds and focus on something else. Or rather: someone else aka Kenji’s father.

He’s a bizzare character. We’ve never seen him. He seems absent from Kenji’s life and yet he is in the background to everything that happens in his life. Ha, more than that. This seemingly gloomy and very neglectful person seems to also be looming over one more thing:

The entire Jurassic World.

Kenji’s father is a part of Jurassic World (the park) in a way that seems fitting and completely out of place at the same time. Yes, sure, he is rich but the more you think about it, the weirder his “presence” is.

You know what resonates with the same exact energy? 

Mantah Corp. They are there but at the same time - where the hell are they? Who’s in charge? Where are all the big, phat fishes, huh?

I know that this theory may be slightly far-fetched but I think that one of these fishes is in fact Kenji’s father. Kenji’s father who has a bazillion of secrets (for some reason Kenji is not allowed to enter one wing of their house). Kenji’s father who is always busy. Kenji’s father who is so influential that park empoyees allow his kid run around Jurassic World mostly unsupervised. Kenji’s father who owns a very suspiciously-looking building in a part of the island that is closed to the public. A building with a dock that is not on any map.

A building that doesn’t look like “just a penthouse”. It looks like a business building. Everything in Jurassic World has a meaning, everything more or less fits into that “jungle-like” aesthetic. But not Casa de Kenji. No, it looks like a place where important people hold their meetings. We know for sure that it’s not a hotel and yet it has many floors. Casa de Kenji is a building that for some reason keeps at least 5 limos in the garage. 

My point is that Kenji’s father and everything related to him is very suspicious. And the fact that Kenji doesn’t know much about him doesn’t help it either.

So let’s theoretically assume that Kenji’s father is related to Mantah Corp. What do we know about Mantah Corp?

Mantah Corp is a bioengineering and genetic oriented company. They hired (more like black-mailed) Sammy to spy for them in JWCC because they wanted to aquire InGen’s research and technology. 

Now, some of you could ask: “Okay but if that’s the case then why Kenji’s father didn’t steal the genes/technology already? He has access to everything after all?”

That’s a great question and I have a very simple answer to that - money and power. I think that Big Kon has too much to lose. If it was discovered that either he or Kenji are spying he could lose everything he accomplished so far. If there’s one thing rich people love it’s using other people to do the dirty work (enter Sammy).

Now. Now for the final question:

How is it possible that Kenji has no idea?

The answer is, once again, simple - mermaids.

As I mentioned earlier Mantah Corp is a company that deals with  bioengineering and genetics. Just because they are not as sucessful as InGen doesn’t mean that they’ve never accomplished anymore. Or - should I say -  that they accomplished something that they’ve never showed to the public. 

I think, that in fact they probably accomplished a lot behind the closed doors. But you know who had access there? Innocent baby Kenji who didn’t even know what he was looking at.

(using e750 picture in a tank because I don’t own a mermaid in a tank therefore I can’t offer a realistic picture)

What would a child think if they saw weird creatures trapped in tanks? What would he think if he saw creatures that didn’t look very human-like, yet that were alive and perhaps even showed some form of intelligence? 

The kid would assume that it’s a mermaid. Or marmaids. That someone trapped. That need to be saved. (Kenji never indicates that he is afraid of the mermaids, if anything he wants to be their protector)

And if said child started talking, mentioning the mermaids, drawing them, what would the parent do? They would lock the doors and never let the kid inside ever again. They would try to protect the kid (or protect the business, with Kenji’s father it’s hard to tell).

One more thing.

I’ve seen some people say that the mermaid on Kenji’s drawing is actually his mother. I gotta be honest I’m not completely sold on this theory). But it doesn’t mean that the mermaid can’t be related to Kenji’s mother at all. Think about it. If Kenji’s father is so dedicated to work, maybe his mother was just the same. Maybe she worked at Mantah Corp’s labs and when Kenji asked “where is my mum?” his father (or a babysitter, my bet is on the babysitter) would tell him “she’s at the lab”. And what’s also in the lab? Mermaids. that’s how Kenji connected mermaids to his mother, who most likely died at some point.

Because he had little to none memories of her, he connected the mermaid with his mother. Yet the memory of a mermaid was still more vivid. It replaced the memory of his mother. That’s why he’s more focused on this creature than his mother (that he never mentioned).

My other theory is that his mother actually died even earlier, maybe in an accident that happened in the lab, or maybe she simply worked there and that’s the only thing Kenji remembers about her. Either way baby Kenji saw mermaids are part of his family. Because his parents spent most of their time with these creatures.

The third theory is that Kenji’s mother was against what Mantah Corp was doing with their research and experiements. She wanted to expose them and the people at Mantah Corp didn’t react too well. Being aware of that Kenji’s father promised himself to keep his kid away from that mess to protect him. That’s why he never allowed Kenji to come back to the lab. (seems gloomy and sad but not entierly impossible)

Conclusion:

Does The Mermaid Theory explain everything? Absolutely not. there are still many questions left. I feel like the theory would be more complete if we knew a little bit more about Kenji’s mother or more about Casa de Kenji.

Either way I thought this little theory was interesting enough to be shared with the community. 

If you’ve made it this far - thanks for reading. It would mean a lot if you passed it on, shared it, shared your opinions, shared your own theories. My brain is jwcc-wired so the more conversation this theory sparks, the better for me.

Once again, thanks for reading! I really hope that season 4 will explain a little bit more in terms of Mantah Corp and Kenji’s mermaids.

[liquid-luck-00]

Seven Deadly Sins x Maribat

Medieval Au

@maribat-bdbwm

Based on this idea

~~~~~~~~~~

Ten years ago.

On the outskirts of the city of Liones, of the capital of the country Liones, in the land of Britannia, homes destroyed, and countless holy knights laid butchered in the streets.

That day will go down in history for its infamy, the day the Seven Deadly Sins betrayed the country of Liones.

---

This is a tale of ancient times, an era before the human and non-human worlds were forever divided. When the Holy Knights, defended the realm, wielding their magical powers they were feared and highly respected. But among them a group emerged, that betrayed the kingdom, and became mortal enemies to all Holy Knights. They were known throughout the land as the Seven Deadly Sins.

---

Present day.

Near the Kaynes Village, there was a new tavern that was a buzz with customers.

“Here you go, drink up.” A young girl placed five steins of ale on the table. She had dark black hair that shown blue, pulled into twin pigtails by two pink ribbons, and bangs that framed her face and blue eyes. She wore a collared off-white shirt under a black vest with green panels. A pink skirt over leggings that reached halfway down her calf. And wore black and green boots. As more people come in, she directs them all with a smile.

“For a little lady, she is one hard working waitress.” A customer acknowledges.

“Oh no, I’m not the waiter, Buddy” She turns around. “I’m the owner of this place.” She turns to walk away.

“She’s the owner?!? A young kid like that.” But she doesn’t hear them.

“Alright, fresh from the oven. The meat pie that made the Boar Hat famous. Enjoy.” Three patrons dug into the pie, and promptly got sick. “You should have known. Our reputation is for having really good booze, but the food not so much.” She said with a completely straight face.

“Are trying to mess with us you little punk.” One shouted ready to fight.

“Wait guys, she’s packing a sword.” Another of the three pointed out. The handle was an emerald green and looked like a dragon with ruby eyes.

“Well, you guys, looks like we have a problem.” Her smile fell and she snapped her fingers. “Now let’s fix it.”

“Come on you call that a mess.” Out trotted a shiny black pig, wearing an earring tag. “Really what do you need me for?”

“Wait!!! That pig. He’s talking.”

“Yes, I’m a talking pig, what a bunch of dum-dums.”

“Plagg, we need to get this floor cleaned.” She spoke.

“Ugh, what a hassle.” Plagg complained. “Scrap disposal is a tough business.” He ate leaving, but before he did, he retorted. “Next time there better be some decent sized scraps.”

“You know I have an old family recipe for whole roasted hog.” She spoke to no one in particular, but with a deadpanned expression. Which changed Plagg’s tune quickly.

Then someone barged in. “I saw it. I really saw it.” He sat down. “I swear to all that is holy. I saw the wandering Rust Knight.”

“That’s just a made-up story, like how parents get their kids to stop misbehaving. The Seven Deadly Sins will come in blood rusted armor, oooh ahhh.”

“The Seven Deadly Sins?” She asks from behind the bar.

“You’ve never heard of them? They’re wanted posters are hanging everywhere, like those over there.”

She looks at the board and there were seven faces and seven names. Marinette, Chloe, Adrien, Luka, Felix, Lila, and Kagami.

“How long has it been? Ten years. When all those holy knights were slaughtered so fast, they couldn’t defend themselves. It was the Seven Deadly Sins that did it. From what I've been told the way the holy Knights’ grandmaster was killed was too gruesome for anyone to look at.” They began to talk amongst themselves.

“They say their captain, Marinette, is the scariest of them all. It's even said that she's brought down whole countries on her own.” Everything went quiet.

Until another patron spoke up. “Well none of them have been caught yet have not a single one.”

“They’re dead, they have to be the new Holy Knights would never let them live after what they've done.”

“Yeah you've got a point even now with the kings sick. The Holy Knights are making sure that the Kingdom stays safe for all its people. But those notices up on the board get updated every single year. Doesn’t that mean those seven criminals are still out there?”

“Yeah well some spooky knight walking around in rusty armor sounds pretty ridiculous to me.”

“You’re right.”

A crash, scraping, and banging was heard just outside the Tavern door.

“That smells an awful lot like rust to me.” Plagg sniffed the air and then cowered behind the counter.

The door opened and there stood the rusted knight. “The Seven Deadly Sins…” Hhe moaned as he entered the Tavern.

Screaming, panic, and everyone rushing out of the Tavern ensued. Fleeing from the rusted knight.

The girl jumped over the counter and stood her ground defiantly looking at the Rust knight. “Now who are you?”

The Rust knight swayed and then fell to the ground collapsed. His helmet rolled off of him. And then they saw his face, his eyes shut tight in the pain and exhaustion, his black hair short and messy stuck to his face from the sweat. And he wore a singular earring, a true blue engraved with something in red and gold.

“This kid is one of the Seven Deadly Sins?” Plagg asked the girl, and they took him up to the room taking the armor off of him. “He's just a boy.”

“Let’s just make sure.” The girl went up to the boy and started poking him first on his thigh, then his stomached, his bicep, she was leaning over him and was about to poke his cheek when his eyes flew open. “Yep, he's a boy.”

“Um, pardon me but what am I doing here?” He was quiet and soft spoken.

“Oh yeah you came into my bar then you passed out cold.”

“Your bar?”

“Yeah, the Boar Hat, my Tavern.”

“You’re the owner?”

“Is that so weird?”

“I just saw that sword, so I naturally assumed.”

“Oh, this old thing.” She motioned and pulled the sword from its scabbard. “Ha ha ha. Yeah, I guess if you only see the handle, it can fool ya huh.” All that rose up and out with her hand was the handle and a small stub was left of the blade, which was practically worthless in a fight. “It makes guests think twice about skipping out on their tabs.” She put the sword handle back into its scabbard on her back.

Which was when they moved downstairs to the raven again. Marinette cooked up something for the boy, and set the plate in front of him.

“First you nurse me back to health, now you're feeding me, how can I possibly thank you enough.” He barely choked out.

“First before saying thanks you should probably try the food first.” Plagg’s nasally voice cut into his words.

“What do you think? Awful isn't it.” She leaned down on the bar now watching him eat with a grin on her face.

“Yes.” He responded.

Which caused both her and Plagg to respond in unison. “Knew it was.”

But then something shocked them, he started to cry.

“Still its delicious.” Tears fell down his face.

“So what exactly were you doing walking around in that old armor, anyways?” She asked the boy.

“I'm on a personal quest to find the Seven Deadly Sins.” He answered.

“Why would you do that? You don’t even know if those guys are even still alive or not, and they’re serious villains.” Plagg reasoned.

That was when banging was heard on the tavern door, knights banged on the door, and ordered them to open up for them.

That was when she noticed the boy got slightly afraid at the mention of Knights.

After a moment of the Knights bickering to themselves, that gave her just enough time to think. She went and opened the door.

“Who are you?” One of the Knights asked her as she opened the door.

“I'm the owner of this place. What do you want?” She was relaxed.

“The Rust Knight is in there, send him out!” The same knight answered.

“Alright.” She turned around and looked back. “You might want to come out now.”

They all looked past her and saw Plagg dressed in the armor that the boy was wearing walk out.

“You have some nerve mocking the Knights of this land like this.” He grabbed her by the shirt and lifted her up off the ground. She was small, sure but he still held her up a meter off the ground.

That’s when the boy had snuck out of the back and made a run for it into the forest. Unfortunately, he was seen. “Look a boy just ran out, after him.”

The knight threw her back to the ground and she and Plagg shared a worried look.

The two of them ran after the boy and the Knights, Plagg mowed down, tackling each and every one, while she went after the boy. The last knight got pushed down off of the cliff at the edge of the forest by Plagg. While she and the boy were safely out of the way in one of the trees at the edge.

“So why are you looking for the Seven Deadly Sins anyways?” She asked him once they were back on the ground.

“To stop the Holy Knights.” He answered.

“Are you serious!! Why in the world would you wanna do that?” Plagg exclaimed. “The Holy Knights are the king’s men, the knights are here to protect us they are heroes.”

“But what if they were behind a plot to start a war in our country. Except for the king himself, the entire royal family was arrested and is being held by the Holy Knights.”

“Does that mean the king isn't really sick in bed?” Plagg asked the boy.

“That’s just a cover story the Holy Knights are using. I don't know what they think they can accomplish by driving the nation to war, but now they're drafting people. Taking men wherever they can get them they're preparing for war everywhere you look. So their reach will even extend all the way out here.” He shook his head.

“Yeah tough break, huh?” She finally responded.

“Wow you don't have any empathy at all. How does this tie back to the Seven Deadly Sins again?” Plagg shook his head.

“If there's even the slightest hope of preventing the Holy Knights from doing this. I know they're the only ones who can.” He was resolute.

“Just checking here.” She Butt in again. “You’re trying to find those guys even though you know what kind of people they are?”

“The Seven Deadly Sins are the most vile Order of Knights the Kingdom ever produced, made up of seven vicious bloodthirsty criminals each one branded with the mark of the beast. Ten years ago when they were suspected of trying to overthrow the Kingdom the Knights of the realm launched a full force attack scattering them to the four winds.”

“Well if you believe the rumors they each died a long time ago.” She spoke distractedly.

“Such amazing people wouldn't possibly let themselves get killed!”

“But they are criminals aren't they causing the suffering of the people right now?” She asked confused.

“When I was small, only five or six years old, my father would tell me stories about them and that's when I learned they are the most powerful Knights!”

A rumbling was heard and then the edge of the cliff they were on started to crumble and fall beneath them, dropping them down.

“I did not confirm whether or not they were people named in the report. Conclusion two individuals of unknown origin dead. What do you think men that sounds about right?” A man wearing red armor, silver grey hair and mustache.

“But Sir Twiggle, one of our knights was still under the cliff.”

“Simply put three fatalities in the report then.” Twiggle answered haughtily.

“But Sir, you can't! That’s too far even for you”

“How about seven fatalities instead?” The knight in red armor moved towards the rest of his men, but that was also when she jumped back up on to the cliff with not only the boy and Plagg in her arms but also the knight who fell.

“When I give a signal to you run into the forest got it.” She spoke quietly to the boy.

“Which one of them would you believe to be a member of the Seven Deadly Sins. Neither bears any resemblance to the wanted posters?” He then noticed something. “God is smiling upon me today, the crystal earring you're wearing is from the royal family. Conclusion you are Prince Jonathan!”

“Wait hold on Prince Jonathan?” The knights shouted.

“You're a Prince?” She added softly.

“Orders from the Capital are to determine your whereabouts. the order was to capture you alive and in healthy condition, but if you lost your life in an unfortunate accident…” Twiggle spoke aloud.

“I can't allow myself to get captured not yet!”

“Conclusion accidental death.” Sir Twiggle let off a shockwave of air magic chopping the entire forest down to the ground.

“Hi there, you alright?” She had pulled him down and covered him from the blast. “Plagg?”

“Seriously I'm a shaved pork on a skewer.” He cried. A single small little twig had splintered in his back. And he went off crying and screaming Tikki.

Johnathan stood and started to walk towards Twiggle. “Johnathan. Hey! What are you doing?” She called after him.

“There’s no escape.”

“Wait hang on you just said you couldn't afford to be caught or to give up.”

“Maybe if I surrender myself peacefully, he'll agree to take me back with him and your life can be spared.”

Sir Twiggle sent off another blast cutting into everything again, but she was able to tackle him out of the way just in time.

“Please get out of here while you still can.” He begged her.

“I think he wants to make sure neither one of us gets out of here alive.” She noticed as She was above him once more. After the attack ensuring he was fine yet again, the only real damage done to her, and that was her left sleeve was completely torn revealing her entire arm from shoulder to fingers. A mark barely visible on her shoulder.

“I was so happy when I met you. Searching for the Seven Deadly Sins, I so scared alone in that rusty armor. There wasn't any help I could ask for. Then you show up and show me such kindness, someone that you've never met before. I don't wanna see you hurt my problems anymore when I don’t even know your name.”

Memories flashed behind her eyes and a smile spread on her lips.

“Marinette. If you really wanna know.” She grinned from ear to ear.

“I… I don't believe it you can't be you're just.” Tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

That was when the knight who fell with them regained consciousness jumping up. “Where's the girl the one with the sword. I saw it when she saved me from the cliff the symbol it was right there. The symbol on her shoulder it… it… it’s her.”

Sir Twiggle struck again now closer, right on top of them. The magic was unleashed but Marinette stood up and was now facing the Knight.

“How is this possible? My technique was flawless I am certain my blade struck her!” Twiggle began to look even more and more frazzled. “But I was the one who felt the force of the blow. How could it have hit me?! And what is that in your hand?! A broken blade! Broken blade… now your face is beginning to look familiar. Truly it can’t! How can you look exactly the same as you did then?!? No matter your time's up! How dare you still exist!”

Their blades clashed their magic erupted, which sent Twiggle and his men flying high, high into the sky almost like a meteorite.

“Extraordinary power.” Johnathan breathed.

“Captain of the Seven Deadly Sins, the Dragon sin of Wrath, Marinette.” She announced.

~~~~~~~~~~

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[juletheghoul]

Mysticus Chapter 6

Ezra x F!Reader Soulmates AU

Pairing: Ezra x F!Reader

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: None - Fluff

--------------------------------------------

Masterlist

If you thought he was touchy before, you were sorely mistaken. It was as though you were tethered together, some invisible string connecting you to one another. His hand always found yours and your body always seemed to carry you right to him.

He would absentmindedly draw little circles in your palm as he drove, and reached over to play with the hair at the base of your neck while you drove. He seemed to do it without even realizing and you found yourself doing the same. Your hand always drifted to his knee, always itching to touch his hair, absentmindedly fingering the little blonde patch. He always leaned into it; you had the sense that both of you had gone without human contact for a long time and were trying desperately to make up for lost time.

After that night -and next day- in the motel, you never slept apart. If either of you left the bed, the other woke up soon after. You vaguely wondered how the hell you had ever slept without him.

-

“We’re running low on funds, we should stop at the next town and figure something out.” You spoke as you counted through your pooled money. He kept his eyes on the road as read the highway signs, switching lanes to make sure he’d be able to take the next exit.

“Understood Birdie, I suspect we will do well here.” He spoke so confidently - he was good at charming people into hiring him for quick jobs. Manual labour, setting up events, he was a jack of all trades and didn’t ask any questions. Sometimes if he was sure the job was safe and easy he would manage to get you both hired. Whether it be for a few hours or a few days. Unless there was a fair or carnival in town, then you could do your palm readings.

On your way into town you noticed some signs advertising a drive-in and it sent a shiver down your spine. That was another place that made your skin crawl. Being inside the car and watching the movie was okay, it was everything else that gave you the creeps. There was a sense that nothing ever changed, a creeping nostalgia.

“Birdie, would you do me the great honour of accompanying me to the drive in? I’d very much enjoy taking my girls out on a real date.” The dog lifted her head sensing he was speaking about her, she sniffed his ear and settled back in the backseat.

His smile faltered slightly upon seeing the look of wild panic on your face.

“Don’t laugh, but the drive in kind of freaks me out.” You admitted almost shyly. He smiled at you but it wasn’t malicious, he grabbed your hand as he pulled into the nearest motel and pressed soft kisses to your knuckles.

“I would never laugh at you Birdie, if you are decidedly opposed then I will of course find somewhere else to woo you as you deserve. However, I’m sure I can find a way to give you a positively lovely experience.” He gave you the secret smile as he playfully nipped at your fingers. You shuddered as you tried to imagine what he was imagining and agreed. Who were you kidding? You would have agreed to anything he said in order to have him looking at you like that.

“Okay, fine.” You couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Splendid. I’ll get us checked in while you make sure our girl here attends to her business.” He patted the dog warmly as he made his way over to the front desk. Within 20 minutes you were getting settled into your meagre accommodations, the dog sniffing around the room like she usually did. Satisfied the room was up to her standards she plopped down in the floor with a huff. Ezra then clapped his hands together excitedly turning to you and giving you a devastating smile.

“Alright Birdie, I inquired at the front desk and the first showing just started, I am partial to the late show myself and with your consent we’ll leave here in an hour. Now, if you’ll be so kind, I would humbly implore you to wear that lovely sundress I adore so much.”

* * * * *

You were torn as you pulled in, Ezra’s hand on your thigh was reassuring - a grounding force that communicated pure safety. You were safe when you were with him - no doubt about that - your mind however didn’t care. The drive-in was creepy and you couldn’t help but feel it. Like always - he sensed it.

“Birdie, would you like to leave? You are not obligated to be here if you are truly frightened. I am content with your company and your company alone. Everything else is immaterial.” He was looking at you intensely - wanting your complete honesty.

“I’m a little nervous - but I’ll be okay once the movie starts.” You leaned into him unconsciously - his touch made you feel better.

“If at any point you find you’ve reached your limit - simply say the word and we will depart.” He winked as he found a good spot for you to park. Knowing that you could leave at any moment made it marginally better, you could focus on having a good time.

He pulled a bag of goodies out from the back and handed them to you with a smile on his face, all of your favourites.

All in all it was actually fun, the two of you talking throughout the film, making bets on how it would turn out. You both leaned into one another over the little console, always connected in one way or another.

You watching him during one of your quiet moments, you knew you loved him - that was obvious, but there was something more. Something massive prickling at your brain, something that itched in your hand whenever you touched him. He gave you the secret smile when he caught you looking at him and the prickling grew more intense. Everything had to do with that smile - you knew it. There was something bigger that for one reason or another you refused to confront. What were you afraid of?

“Why do you smile at me like that?” You asked it playfully, in low tones and his grin widened. He knew - he always knew.

“I have no idea what you’re referring to Birdie.” He kissed your palm and you narrowed your eyes at him - he was teasing you.

“Yes you do - it’s like you know something that I don’t.” You were skirting around it now, getting perilously closer, were you really ready for this? He sensed your sudden panic and the smile faltered.

“What scares you so? Is it me?” His hand held yours and he drew those little circles into your palm, you had to be honest.

“No - never you.” you saw him let go of a deep breath then - “I don’t know - I get the feeling you know something and you’re not telling me. Am I crazy?” You looked into his eyes, trying hard to see if you could glean any insight into your suspicions.

“I am convinced you know more than you think, you may not be ready to face it though.” He drew your attention to your palm. To the mark you shared and you stared at them, you felt him willing you to see what he saw. “When I was a boy, my grandmother told me stories to calm me. I was a hellion, always moving. She was somewhat of a romantic, she would say this mark on my palm was special. That if I was lucky enough to find it’s twin on another person, that it would mean something.” he didn’t look up at you. This was it. This was what you’d been skirting around. You already knew you loved him, that he was essential to you, that you were glad you’d found each other but thinking it was preordained or destiny was almost inconceivable to you.

“What did you say when she told you?” You were imagining him as a little boy, the shock of blonde and those wild eyes. It made you a little sad to not have been a part of his life back then.

“I was disgusted!” He laughed then, and you couldn’t help but smile at the image. His little arms crossed stomping away as his grandmother laughed. “I told her she was crazy and that I was too wild, that I did not desire anyone. She laughed at me and informed me - quite correctly - that my mind would change as I got older.”

“Have you? Do you still think she was crazy?” you knew the answer, you knew then finally, what was so infuriatingly obvious. The smile dropped from his face completely, being replaced with a fierce intensity, his eyes almost burning into you.

“I have Birdie, she knew even then, what I know now.” He seemed to be guiding you - the hope that you would finally understand shining at you in the darkness of the car. The movie, long forgotten, the dog sleeping in the backseat.

“Us.. You and I…” You trailed off as the smile returned, only this time you were in on the secret.

-----------------------

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[magsthemagnanimous]

Boy it’s been a while since I’ve written a Levihan fanfic (or any fanfic in general) so this is a little shitty. But here goes nothing.

And They Lived

Summary: Against all odds, despite the seemingly unending chaos, Hange Zoe, the fourteenth commander of the Survey Corps, survived. It wasn't long until she found herself living the life she thought she would never have – with one specific person, at one specific place, three years after the war ended.

Mornings never usually thrilled Hange, but as she continuously strolled through the woods, her footsteps leaving little crackles as dried leaves crumbled under her boots, she felt peace she hadn’t had in a long, long time.

The light from the early morning sun filtered through the trees, the air was crisp and fresh and it felt good when it brushed against her skin. When she looked around she could see wildflowers growing in every direction. The entire forest seemed to be a place full of vigor and life – and even hope, and it’s as if it was never a witness to the war that happened almost three years ago, which rendered the world almost completely uninhabitable for the remaining twenty percent of humanity who survived.

Thinking about the war, and even the years before that was almost too much to bear, Hange thought. She lost friends, comrades, family, and if she was being honest with herself she thought it almost possible for her to die, too. She had accepted her fate, resigned to her own death the minute she heard the colossal titans’ footsteps shaking the ground as they walked closer and closer to where she and the alliance were standing in.

But even amidst the chaos and the impossibility of it all, she survived. And to go on living and to finally live the life she wasn’t able to have, it was all that remained for her to accomplish.

Hange took a deep breath and continued her stroll, getting nearer to her destination – her home for the last two years. The basket she had on her hands was heavy but she figured that if she bought more goods from the market today, then she wouldn’t have to go back for the next five days or so, as going to the nearest district to buy necessities was too much of a hassle to do every other day, anyway.

It wasn’t long until she reached the little cottage she called home, and even before she reached it she could already see someone stirring inside from beneath the windows the cottage offered.

He’s awake. She’s kind of hoping he saw her note that she has gone out to the market that morning, as she did leave before the sun was up. He was still sleeping soundly – a rare occurrence, given his state – so she didn’t feel the need to wake him up.

Hange sped up her pace and soon enough she was inside the cottage already, dragging her heavy basket effortlessly and beaming at the face that greeted her when she entered.

“Good morning, Levi! Did you sleep well?” she greeted. Hange walked towards the kitchen counter and dropped the goods she had bought. A variety of vegetables, fruits, meat, and bread tumbled on the table.

“You were gone long, Shitty Glasses,” was Levi’s blunt reply. He rolled his wheelchair across the kitchen, getting to where Hange was messily stacking the foods she had bought. Levi clicked his tongue at the way she was keeping the fruits from falling over the pantry but was miserably failing. “The way you’re going at it, these fruits wouldn’t even last until tomorrow. They’ve got bruises all over thanks to you.” He bent forward and grabbed the oranges which were splayed on the floor, groaning as he did so.

Hange quickly stopped him and grabbed the fruits from his arms. “Don’t bother yourself with this, I can do it on my own. Chill over there, okay?” she pointed to the table. “Have you had breakfast?”

“I am not a child for you to fuss over, Hange.”

She grinned. “I would take that as a no. What do you want, tiny captain?”

Levi stared at her for a moment with a scowl on his face, but after a few seconds he turned his head to the side and pouted. “Fine. Just some bread and eggs. That is, if we have them.”

Hange smiled at him and went on to do the task. She cut a few slices of the bread she had bought, and put them on the pan to toast a little, doing the eggs next. She then prepared some black tea and poured it onto Levi’s favorite cup, the chipped, old thing she had saved from when she visited the headquarters – or rather what’s left of it – after her recovery.

Placing the plates and the cup onto the table, Hange noticed that Levi had busied himself with reading the newspaper she had bought as well from the market. Across the page she could see Her Majesty’s smiling face, along with her toddler and the nameless farmer who fathered her child.

“It says here that the brats have been appointed as diplomats, ambassadors of sorts, for peace talks between the outside world and Paradis,” Levi declared, then took a sip of his tea. His right eye flickered towards Hange to gauge her reaction to his words, then looked back at the paper before him.

Hange hummed. “I should say I’m not in the least bit surprised. They saved the world, after all. If there’s anyone who could broker peace between the Eldians and the world it is them,”

“And you,” Levi fixed her on his gaze.

She looked straight into him in return. “You more than me,” Hange said. “But it’s not our fight, not anymore. I wanted to, you know. To be among those people to put this world back into one piece, but I’m afraid the world would never listen to a useless commander,” she huffed out a chuckle at that.

Levi frowned, his brows furrowed at her words. “You did what you can. Stop saying you were a useless commander, Hange.” He sighed, he didn’t want to go over this matter again. He’s grown tired of it. “Do you think it’s wise to leave the fate of Paradis to the brats’ hands? Are they matured enough to handle it?”

Hange gave him a teasing smile. “You sound like a worried grandpa,”

He scowled at that. “It’s going to be a difficult task, especially after all they’ve been through.” For a moment, there was a look of longing on his face, like he was lost in the memories of smoke, blood, and tears, but it was gone before Hange noticed it. Levi spoke again. “They need you there, Hange.”

Hange had to look down at that. When she looked up, she saw Levi carefully analyzing her next reaction. She adjusted her glasses, checked if her eye patch was still in place, and then softly smiled. “But you need me more.”

Two years living in this forest had sure enough afforded Levi all the time in the world to heal and recover.

But he had to admit it to himself, he’s never the same as before. He had been in the goddamned wheelchair for basically three years, with only one eye working, and a constantly weakened bodily state. But even if he seemed paralyzed and most decidedly living like a broken man, he can swear he had never felt this peaceful in his life. Not even during his time as soldier, not even when he was a kid underground.

As he wheeled himself across the woods, carefully following the trails all too familiar in his mind, Levi thought back of the conversation he had with Hange earlier that morning. He had lost count of the number of times he’d spoken about her being an asset with peace negotiations with nations outside Paradis. He never thought Hange would step out like she did, leaving her post as commander and entrusting the Corps and the negotiations to Armin, being a person keen to her responsibilities as she had always been.

But she chose to stay with him, to care for him, for reasons he didn’t fathom why.

Levi dimly remembered that fateful day in Odiha, when he’d thought her already dead. Even if he didn’t look out the window to see it for himself, he could tell exactly that what he’d been dreading has happened, based on the looks of Armin, Mikasa, Connie, and Jean, and they’d declared that Hange fell onto the ground, already looking unconscious. The titans were fast approaching, but their plane won’t start just yet. Fortunately, Hange was able to take down one colossal titan, and this bought them much time as the other titans tumbled over one another.

Suddenly, when the engines of the plane started to roar and the Alliance prepared to leave, Armin cried out loud, and they saw Hange limping towards them, her brown hair and almost half her body burnt and smoking. They hurriedly took her in, and they left Odiha just mere moments before the titans were upon them.

The rest, of course, was history.

A year after the war ended and she was recovered enough, Hange renounced her title as commander and travelled back to Paradis with a severely injured Levi. She had a cottage built for them right in the middle of the forest where she’d sown his wounds all those years ago, fulfilling a wish – which, now that he thought about it, seemed more like a promise than mere wishful thinking.

This time around though, they wouldn’t need to run and hide. Not anymore.

Levi’s train of thoughts was interrupted when he’d realized where he’s at. He’s come upon a wide clearing, and from a distance he could see lots of and lots of wildflowers and herbs which grew in the area, some he’d seen, and some new to his eye. He wandered around and decided to pick up one specific flower which he hadn’t chanced upon seeing before.

He wheeled himself back to their cottage not long after, following the trails he’d set.

When he came back, Levi found Hange sitting in front of her desk at her makeshift study, scribbling something. Ever since they settled in, Hange had been writing this book, a compilation of her researches on the botany of Paradis, which she hoped would be published someday.

Hange looked up from her work when she noticed Levi at the doorway. She adjusted her glasses, which were already dangling at the tip of her nose. “How was the stroll?” she bluntly asked, then continued scribbling again.

Levi didn’t answer. Instead, he wheeled his way to where Hange was sitting, and dropped the flower he’d picked from the clearing. He wasn’t sure if she’d seen it before, but any help he could offer with her research had been accepted by Hange. Wholeheartedly, even.

This one was no different.

“Where did you find this? I haven’t seen one like this before.” Hange beamed as she brought the red, almost pinkish flower close to her face, carefully investigating, curiosity marred on her brown eye.

“In the clearing, probably thirty yards away from here.” Levi continued gazing at her. She was like a kid beaming at another new find, and somehow seeing Hange like this brought him back to the old times. “You sure it’s something new?”

“Yeah, but I’d need to take a closer look. It might be from an already existing species, but it has a different look to it. The pigmentation and structure, though, are quite the same. I think I’d like to visit the place where you got this to see the kind of environment it grows in to prove my theory right, but that’s a task for tomorrow as it is getting quite dark, after all.” Hange smiled at him, and he felt how genuine it is. “Thank you, Levi. Do you need help with anything? Do you need a glass of water? You must be tired from your stroll.”

“There’s no need for you to bother yourself, Hange. I got it.” was Levi’s only reply.

The stars were beautiful that night, Hange concluded, as she continuously gazed at the dark skies out through the window of her study. The wind was cold to the touch, and she wrapped her arms around her own body when a sudden chilly breeze fanned her way. She continuously marvelled at the sight before her, her research book long forgotten. On her desk, a quill pen rested on a parchment paper, and the candle which lighted the room already half-melted, its fire threatening to die out.

It wasn’t long after she decided to call it a night, though, no matter how beautiful the stars were, she was tired. Hange stacked the papers on her desk, neatly arranging them, then went out of her study. Before making her way to her own bedroom, she made sure that all the doors that would lead out were locked, as there’d been reports of burglars lately, and she wouldn’t risk waking up with all their belongings gone.

When she was sure everything was already in place, Hange made for her bedroom, but she couldn’t help but notice that the door to Levi’s room was slightly ajar, and she attempted to close it.

It was then, though, when she’d heard Levi groaning and muttering softly. Hange was hesitant at first but she pushed the door open, only to see Levi, seemingly sleeping, but he was stirring aggressively on the bed. At the sight, Hange hurriedly went inside the room and went to his side. “Levi,” she yanked him.

He continuously groaned, and Hange was almost hit when he pushed his fists forward.

“Levi, wake up, you’re having a nightmare!” she desperately called out to him, eager to ease whatever unpleasant memories have gotten into his sleep.

At the sound of her voice, Levi’s eye opened, grey meeting brown against the darkness of the room. Levi panted heavily, and sweat matted his forehead.

“I’m here, don’t worry. We’re safe, they’re gone,” Hange reached out and hesitantly cupped his face between her hands. She didn’t know what his nightmare was about or who this time, but she understood. It wasn’t the first time it happened, anyway. Over the last two years she’d often hear Levi screaming in his sleep, and she’d scramble out of her own bed and go to wake him up and comfort him. She always did.

It took a while for Levi to calm down, but he eventually did. He pushed himself up to sit on the bed and Hange waited until he’s settled. He tried to avoid her gaze, choosing instead to simply look at the wall. Moments later, he spoke. “I’m sorry,”

“What for?”

“For waking you,”

Hange had to chuckle at that. “You didn’t. I was just about to sleep, got caught up in the flower you brought me today.” She tried to look into his eye, to search through him, but he was purposefully avoiding her gaze, now looking down on his own lap, as if guilty of her coming to rescue him from his nightmare, again.

She sighed. “I have them too, you know,”

That caused Levi to look up. “What are they about?”

“It’s always the same one. That day in Odiha when I almost died. I saw flames, and I can still feel them against my body. It’s as if I was reliving the moment, whenever I dream about it,” Hange shifted on her seat. Her right hand flew to touch her left arm, feeling the uneven skin there which was the effect of the burns she suffered. “And then the next thing I know, I’d fall onto the ground and when I opened my eyes I’d see our fallen comrades looking at me, as if they were disappointed at my actions being the commander.”

Levi gritted his teeth at that. “If anything, they’d be looking at you with pride, not disappointment, in my opinion.” He tried to reach his hand out and lay it over her hand, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. “Hange, you have to stop feeling guilty for the actions you took when you were the commander. You did everything you believed was right. And at the time, no one, not even Erwin, could have led a charge against a world which was all new to us. You don’t give enough credit to yourself when you should.”

Hange smiled bitterly at his words. “I know… I just… think things could have turned out differently, you know. The rumbling couldn’t have happened, we would’ve saved all those lives. If only I had a decent plan. If only we got a hold of Eren, then things would –“

“Stop it, Hange.” Levi muttered. “I want you to promise me you’d stop feeling guilty anymore. None of it was entirely your fault, it was just the cards we’ve been dealt with and we played them according to how we believed they should be treated.” He displayed a knowing look. “I think the reason why you don’t want to be involved with peace negotiations is because you still think you aren’t capable. You still lacked the confidence. But bear in mind that none of us would still be alive if it weren’t for you forming the alliance and buying us time from those titans that day. So please, Hange, please.” He sighed. “Promise me,”

“I do think that has been the longest speech you’ve ever said to me, Levi,” Hange laughed, then her face grew serious. She contemplated his words, there was already a part of her that wanted to believe every word he’d said, but it would take time for her to fully accept. She still appreciated it though, what he was doing. She reached out to place her hand above his own. “I cannot promise anything, Levi. But… I will try.”

Levi nodded at her, resigning completely.

“What about you, what are your nightmares about?”

He was hesitant at first, but he squinted and started to speak. “Not being able to kill Zeke. It was always about the many fights we had together, but mostly on the one during the rumbling. Sometimes it’s about those many expeditions beyond the walls that we had before.” Levi let out a breath. “It’s a mix, really.”

“I see,” she hummed. “I still hope one day those nightmares would not hunt our sleep anymore. Anyone could wish. But I’ve started to think that they’re part of us already.”

“I’m afraid that’s true.”

Hange started to get up. “Well it’s getting pretty late, and we’ve got a big day tomorrow. Onyankopon had mentioned that they’d be paying us a visit, together with Armin, Jean, and Connie, and I don’t know who else, and we’d better look like we’ve been getting decent rest here, lest they insist for us to take residence in one of the districts.” She chuckled at that. “I’d rather the two of us just stay here.” Hange turned her back to leave. “Good night, Levi.”

“Hange,”

She looked over her shoulder and eyed him, carefully analyzing his face. “Yes?”

“Stay,”

Hange took a deep breath, then slowly turned to face him once again. It was one word, just one word she’d spent the last two years waiting for him to say.

She’d be damned if she said no to what he wanted.