#what in the incel smh

[valkugo]

I want your stories. And I want your songs. And you gon' have mine. [...] We will make beautiful music together.

sammick as a very toxic version of orpheus and eurydice... wdym that's not how it went?

[majoryeager104]

Totally Accurate Tomura Shigaraki Headcanons!!

I made one for Keigo, I made a few for Touya, it’s time for my princess (who desperately needs chapstick) with a disorder, Shiggy

warnings: general insanity. Enjoy :3

✦••······················••✦•······················•✦••······················••✦

contrary to popular belief

Tomura is actually very hygenic

idk why some people assume that bc he’s a nerd that he’s just a greasy incel

this man was raised by all for one.

AFO’s theme gives mad mafia vibes every time he’s on screen

bro is not greasy

in fact he’s probably the most well kept person in the league (Toga is a very close second)

with how his skin is he’s probably constantly trying things to ease the pain and itching

so he’s probably already got a skincare routine

it just don’t work visually cos he is ✨aShY✨

smh get this man some Korean skincare

cos unlike everyone else in the league he’d let you

He’d get invested

we stan clean girl Tomura

Moving on

I don’t think he likes coffee that much chat

it’s not because of the taste

it’s because if he has too much caffeine his hands get shaky

and that makes him anxious that he might accidentally decay something

its happened before

he’s gone through so many gaming remotes

he was drinking coffee while reading a book one time and accidentally decayed it because his hands were shaky

Poor baby

I have a feeling that once or twice the league members have accidentally made him decay something because they were goofing off

like bumping into him while he’s holding something

But every time they all felt bad and everyone pitched in to replace it

What a bunch of sweethearts omg

I said this a while back in some older posts (I think it was a hc request actually)

but Tomura loves cuddles

…on the condition that he gets to wear oven mitts

he takes no chances

bros got four layers of gloves TAPED to his hands

Don’t touch them he’ll get huffy

hes just worried tho

i know we moved on from him decaying random things

but on this note he has accidentally decayed a plushie or two

the guilt in this man’s eyes afterwards is insurmountable

so he bought you five more

and let you pick

like he dragged you to the store

and was like ‘pick whatever you want NEOWWW 😾’

hes such a cutie pie

and one last thing

he cares so much.

like, every single day, whether it’s you or the league members

hes constantly making sure you’ve all eaten

that you’re feeling okay

that you’re DOING okay

he may be a villain

but he’s also a really good leader and friend

and he’s also so attached to you guys it’s insane

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thank you for coming to my ted talk-

I might make another one next week or in a few days he’s just so ugh 🥺

so pookie so bbg so coquette it makes me wanna add a cute pink bow to the banner

[lovemyromance]

Idk what's so hard to understand.

Nobody would have an issue with Elucien being endgame if ELAIN WAS INTO IT!!

If she had shown any sign of attraction to Lucien, nobody would be out here questioning if the cauldron was wrong. Nobody would even think about Elriel if SJM had given us SOME sign that Elain feels strongly for Lucien.

But she didn't. She went out of her way to write Elucien moments as uncomfortable and how they avoid each other. She wrote more scenes with Elriel than with Elucien (even counting their mainly negative reactions to each other).

If that bonus chapter had been written with Elain breathing "Yes," to Lucien wanting to kiss her - Again - nobody would have a problem!!

You can comb through canon to find any scrap of heavily extrapolated evidence to try to prove Elain does want Lucien, but right now - it has been made VERY clear she is into Azriel.

And the fact that there are people denying that is crazy.

If you are shipping Elucien because you think they could be cute together or end up together someday or if you like their aesthetic - that is fine! No problem!

What there is an issue with is people outright claiming Elriel has nothing in canon and Azriel is an incel because he likes Elain and Elain doesn't really want Azriel she's just acting out (what is she? A toddler throwing a tantrum smh ?) because she's afraid of the mating bond with Lucien.

Why do I always see so many Elriels acknowledging Elucien as a ship, but Eluciens always doing the most to claim Elriel is more of a siblings relationship or they are just horny and stupid?

When Elriel is literally the only ship right now ready to gnaw at the bars of their enclosures to get to each other??

Make it make sense.

[ying-doodles]

// webtoon spoilers (ep 154)

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: this episode FUCKING SUCKS-

half of the episode is just lloyd and javier running from cops while the cops continually call lloyd ugly the whole time,, OTL

and then there's the other half, which I'll cover in a different post..

bro does not need to be doing this smh what happened to just going with people calling you weird foreigners in cosplay??

of course he didn't buy that excuse, you were shoving your hand in there like a raccoon!! 😭

ah yes, attempting (and failing) to pay off the cop with just. chunks of gold- and here come the ugly jokes ughhhhh..

(the cat face is good but that's the only saving grace of this)

I hate this part so much... also why do all of them have such colourful hair- how much did all that dye cost you, purple guy??

THE CLOTHES WEREN'T EVEN NECESSARY IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU DUNCE- lhm really added this bit just to throw in as many ugly jokes as he could before the emotional part.. 😑

... I take back what I said on my (deleted) post from yesterday, these outfits are AWFUL,,

ppl on the tged discord were saying javier looks like a stalker and I agree, he looks like an incel,, justice for my boys, they made you look so gross in these garbage clothes.. 😭💔

oh great another ugly joke-

just kill me. strike me with lightning for all I care.

... I need to lay down after that fcking barrage of ugly jokes. OTL

[andrwgarfields]

That subset of stans is so odd, we got this great show with a fun group of actors who love each other, there’s plenty to enjoy even if you aren’t a fan of every character and every actor. But it seems like they’re constantly looking for opportunities to be miserable and antagonize Joe/Billy and his fans, just because he ended up having a larger role in the show than Aubrey/Rio. Which anyone who was paying any attention to the promo (or literally just read the show’s synopsis lol) would have known was the case from the beginning. I saw one of them complaining that the Assembled video didn’t talk about the Agathario kiss but did talk about the Wiccan costume like 😭 They talked about all the characters’ costumes and none of the kisses?? Because the video was mostly about celebrating the work of the costume and production designers, who deserve their flowers? I knew there would be negativity around Agatha All Along from the incels, I didn’t expect so much of it to come from inside the house smh

YKNOW WHAT THEY WERE MAD ABOUT? THEY WERE MAD CAUSE THE ASSEMBLED SHOWED ANOTHER BILLY/EDDIE KISS THAT WAS NOT IN THE SHOW, BUT AGATHARIO DID NOT HAVE ANY like thats what they were mad about like i beg you pls stop being pathetic like how tf is this any of joes fault? Also some were mad cause it “told them what they already know” like…isnt that the whole point😭

Its so weird how they turned against joe and got so angry because ONE episode was dedicated towards him and when NOTHING was promised regarding a certain ship so idk where they got the idea that this ship was supposed to be the CENTRAL PLOT of the show and pray tell why are they not seeing more of agatha and rio like huh????? we’ve always known its abt agatha and this mysterious teen we were supposed to find out abt. Its the way they act so entitled that i cannot stand it. Ppl do watch because of other characters and not a ship yknow 🤮😭

and very much agree like hate from incels i understand, its so repetitive i can ignore. But this hate from ppl who watch the show i cannot get. Also anon we’re apparently the dumb ones who do not have media literacy cause its supposed to be about agatha and rio duhhhh thats why ppl are always speculating abt who teen is and also why kathryn and joe did all the press together lol oh we’re also the evil ones cause we keep asking them to shut up when all we want is them to shut up abt joe lol ohoh also loving joe means we’re misogynistic and lesbophobic 😱

[dovveri]

tw: sa lolololololol

tldr: white men are the shitstain of humanity

THERES NOOOOO WAY just watched a tiktok (so perhaps not accurate i did a quick google search and couldnt find anything but like… everyone tries to hide shit that the US and europe have done lolol) abt how comfort women in korea altho ‘liberated’ by the us were still used by american soldiers after they kicked the japanese out and then all the people in the comments are like well duh oxford study!! like cant help it if asian women are throwing themselves at us smh! cant help it that asian women are hot!! its not our fault lol theyre the ones that come after us! im white and its so easy to date asian girls in my experience!!

BOIIIIIIII WHAT THE FUUUUKCKKCKCKCKCKC the oxford study is literally not. real . like its so disgustinf to me as an asian woman like this is why i coukd neveeeer date a white man and hello? in the entire video did u not comprehend what comfort women were?? these women are NAUT throwinf themselves at american men bffr they were SEX SLAVES. ur ltr saying oh shes a prostitute so her consent doesnt matter bcs its ltr her job like MEN DONT UNDERSTAND CONSENT . they say they do but they dont and thats why sa and sexual harassment stats are actually likely severely underreported bcs like tmi i was sa but like im not gonna report that bcs . personal choice wtv but i doubt he thought it was sa and i myself didnt realise why i was so uncomfortable during it until after it ended and i called a friend bcs i was . yeah and he asked me if the guy had asked to do this first and i was like . oh! he didnt! and i didnt want to make him feel bad and say stop! like its wtv im revisitinf that when im like 50 idk but the point is men dont understand consent and it SHOWS

and white men talkinf abt how asian women just throw themselfes at rhem is soooo just . sooooo like im going to go to america and buy a gun like breh wtf . firstly, thats so self-centred erm i have lots of asian friends most of them hate the asian men in the dating pool here which is why they wouldnt mind dating a white guy . secondly, the fetishisation of asian women ??? it absolutely disgusts me some of the men in these comments blaming the hyperfeminity in asian culture that makes them more attractive to heterosexual males like HUH????? what kind of incel hole did u crawl out of wtaf. YES i can admit that there is white-worship within asian communities simply bcs they are more successful (and they are more successful bcs of systemic racism lol) but that does not make it okay to treat asian women like theyre ‘easy’ and boast abt how many asian women youve been able to fuck like if the demand wasnt there? the supply wouldnt be either. the demand being white mens fetishisation of asian women and the supply being asian women. its like porn. if men didnt demand porn to the extent that they did, maybe porn wouldnt exist and we could live in a safer world were women werent raped everyday on screen for the sexual pleasure of other men. thats a whole other rant tho i hate porn and only white liberal feminists are pro-porn bcs theyre stuck in 2nd wave sexual liberation feminism (simone de beauvoir who spearheaded 2nd wave feminism voted for age of consent in france to be 13 btw) funnily enough, the only type of feminism men agree with.

[bloody-sickness]

Happy Birthday!

     It’s been a…. a few interesting months dating Wilbur to say the least. 

     First and foremost, he was most definitely an incel. He kept talking about how he was “so lucky to be dating such a pretty girl!” and that he finally got his good karma. You, of course, still loved him but really? 

     But anyways, today was a pretty special day! Why? Because, it’s your birthday! You know, that special day where you suddenly get aware of you slowly approaching death. Sorry, sorry for the negativity! I’m a bored ass narrator, what do ya expect? Shouldn’t be much, ahah..

     Off topic again, apologies!

     You were laying in bed, shifting in your ‘sleep’. Well, you were pretending to be asleep because you were definitely not a morning person. Between the comfort of your bed and the warmth compared to entering the cold unknown day was an easy choice. 

     You turned over to cuddle up to your boyfriend only to feel… nothing..?

     That made you quickly sit up, looking deliriously for Wilbur. He was, oddly, no where to be found! That made you a bit upset. It was your birthday! You should be spoiled in cuddles right now! How rude of him.. >=(!!

     You slowly get out of bed and start to leave your shared room. Perks of living in a small, shitty apartment? There’s not a lot of places a six feet six inches tall man could hide. Cons? It’s shitty. 

     You walk over a bit of trash, making a mental note to make Wilbur clean that up ‘cause you are NOT about to work on your birthday! Perks of having a simp boyfriend to do everything!

     Yet, he wasn’t in the living room nor the kitchen connected to it. 

     You frowned. 

      “What the��.” You murmured as you pulled out your phone. You went to Wilbur’s contact and tried to call him. 

     Keyword; tried. 

     He wouldn’t pick up at all! What the hell was wrong with him? It was your birthday for goodness sake! Maybe you should get a new one- SORRY! Sorry! Just a suggestion! Geez…. maybe your new boyfriend would be an arsehole or something, I don’t know!(/ref)

      Anyhow, now you were bored in your apartment, scrolling through your phone mindlessly. So much for the fun birthday idea you had in mind (totally not getting railed senseless by Wilbur. Nuh uh. Who even suggested that????)

     A few hours later and he’s still not home. What the actual fuck! You were sooo gunna give him a long talk about how he should at least tell you when he’ll be gone. He’s been gone so long! On your birthday! Wow. Like I said.. nevermind, you won’t listen anyways (smh).

      When it finally hit six in the afternoon and you had eaten most of the snacks in the pantry , the apartment door swung open in a dramatic manner, Wilbur looking tired as hell as he huffed into it. “Hello, love. Look, I’m--”

     “You’re what, William Patrick Gold? Huh? You’ve kept me waiting all day and all you think you can just waltz on into here with your sweet talk and excuses?” You snapped as you stood up from the couch to face him. 

     What you didn’t expect to see was a white box in one hand and the most okay red roses you’ve ever seen! Your angry expression lessened a bit. 

     “I’m sorry. I-I know it’s going to sound stupid, but hear me out, alright?” He asked as he walked over and placed the cake on the countertop. You can see the way he’s trying to be so careful as to not drop it. 

     God damnit, you really can’t stay mad at this idiot for long, can you?

      “Well?” You questioned with a bit of sass in your voice, walking over to him. 

      “Well, uh, I’m going to be honest; I forgot it was your birthday. So, sorry. I panicked a lot and forgot what you liked so I spent a lot of time trying to pick out a flower, only for when I remembered the place I was at didn’t have them! I went to multiple flower shops but apparently the universe hates me so I just got roses. Then I had to get cake, and that took a while. I just got a plain white cake then went to Walmart. I brought some icing and iced the cake myself, it looks like shit though..” He rambled quickly, taking a seat and frowning. 

      Oh. 

      Oh wow. 

      He did all that..

      Just for you. 

       “Oh.” You vocalized. “That’s… sweet. Sorry for snapping at you as soon as you stepped into the house. Uh, thank you! I appreciate that you went through all the trouble just for me!” You smiled as you walked up to give him a hug. 

       A nice, long hug too. 

       “Of course. Of course.” He mumbled into the crook of your neck. You then felt him smirk. “Do I get a reward for all that, darling?”

       You smiled. 

       “Of course.”

[Eh, this could have been better. I’m probably gunna write smut tmr, too tired to rn tbh. Sorry!! But yea, happy birthday to you @imahugenerdlol!!! Sorry if this isn’t what you wanted, I tried ;-; I also suck at writing in first person *cry*.]

[onebraincell-itmiebcraft]

Okay time for the liveblogging of real life in order (liveblogging life SMP call that lifeblogging) I have never done this b4 be easy on me

Grian

I've already watched his perspective at like 5 in the morning but heyyyyy nothing wrong with rewatching with added non sleep deprived commentary but also not really memories of what I originally thought watching this too :^))

I remember being so stunned they called it real life and the anatomically correct heart 🫀tickled my funny bone heeheehoo hahaha

Thought when grian said replay 3rd life I thought they'd reenact it 😭

We live in a society taxes man (I could ramble about it)

GRIAN IRL FACE!!!

has anyone fell over btw?

No lie that B can BIG

Reminds me of slimecicle jshitt and traves VR Minecraft where Travis got progressively shorter what a laugh

Does Scott ever see his scream

Is it take the Mick or take the nick love that idiom

RENDOG!

Scar looks like a child doing that thing

Awww hug

ABUSE

scar take the headset off dzuh 🫀🫀🫀

Grian literally me balance issues

Yugioh????

I called it, scar would say he's American 😎

I'm eating dinner while watching this at the same time what fun w

Giran called solidaritygaming jimmy no way + he died first fr this time + loud "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Perfectly timed his mic peaking is iconic

Ha haa!

He ear him bread

Really putting the mine in craft for Minecraft

reminds me of secret life EP 4 and scar is sweaty

*scar noises*

How did scar drop his phone???

Check your wrist? More like check your a- (tom cardy référence)

I love the way VR makes you hit stuff goofy

Can you run in game if you irl

(watch him die)

Haha he died

Why Jim is he sabotaging him

Jim Jim Jim gym gym

Doesn't Jim die here oh LMFAO he does

Jimmy you are famous to me

(scout voice) Chicken

How did scar die???

I love how vr makes them expressive Jim pointing to village house is so funny

There's only one bed

Wtf is happening in top right corner in 9min 30 sec

Ayyyyy there's grian the maniac love the casual position of the arms

Last life you can join me moment

Egg

Grian gaslighting

Jimmy you wanna dance quote of the year

PvP is so silly

Skizz is fighting a losing battle Jim killed him icon

I love how grian and Jim's yells overlap there's probably something music theory there idk

Awww scar he's so funny

Go pick him up from daycare haha

Facing away from the camera we live in a society

OHHHHH impulse big smart man Jimmy's arm movements are so smooth it's solly

Jimmy immediately leaving for fish cocomelon brain I agree

Love the arm movements

Lol they actually like down

It's okay grian scuffed is worth celebrating

Has anyone layed on their side

Friend just texted me about my monologue what am I doing man I have an audition tomorrow

Anyway Minecraft vr

The lying down model inventory so goofy

Rewatching the bread scene no wonder tumblr loves it looks like Jim jam actually has a mouth 👄

Impulsesv guess the build sheep flashbacks

Best sleepover

Polyamorous tony (died)

Sleepover reminds me of crazy Christmas w/gem and pearl

Grown men learn how to close doors

Minecraft fatshaming grian smh my head

Man thought it was more than Joel there + o2 max(xing) scar love it (i use maxxing ironically) (it's such a stupid suffix to me linguistically funny) (I hate incels) (don't cancel me tumblr) (I love all genders)

Two steps: die, and die

Jimmy isn't on fire??

Casual "it burns so much!" Love it

Wait right Jim still has a wooden sword

Joel Joel Joel Joel you know that one part in waiting for Godot where they just go back and forth in saying aideu yeah

So silly

Jim saying get in British people man

"noffing" - joel is it a British thing

Love Joel screaming he's so malding

Just remembered how scary heights are in VR because I thought for a second "why don't they jump down? are they stupid?" (Meme Reference) (Didn't actually think that) ("Stupid" is kinda stupid but I digress)

Hole

Boob stroke

Does scar enjoy the swimming

Why *does* swimming cause motion sickness anyway

Why bucket scar (this is a bucket)

Brain eating amoeba

GOON SQUAD!!!

Love Grian's arm movements I really did thonk Jim was gonna win for the funnies

He says come here weirdly

The joy of killing

Is Jim punching

It's okay hiking simulation

Go Jim go what a gamer boy

I remember the triple dog door dugout is like... Gem's? Joel's? Uhhhh I fotgor

Concussion era

Fresh meat

I just love their dynamics

JIM STOP SOUNDING LIKE THAT it's like his eyes are 🥺 and his mouth is boowomp spongebob like he's got tears in eyes scrimblo sounding ass

Ohhh there's my favourite theatre kids

'orrible

Joel saying boys make me happy

Wait that can misinterpreted

Joel saying "boys" sounds pleasant to my ears

I remember watching this part and going GRIAN FIRST OUT HUH???

awww the funnies

Love the way gem says "we're the last Grians. Grians? Greens!" It's like... Spunky

Grian falling reminds me of my scuffed keyboard when it registers a button press as a hold and then I like never stop walking right *sigh*

The downward spiral by nine inch nials

Ascending is TRUE watcher lore

Oh the music is so cute

Bye scar! Bye Joel!

Okay never let me liveblog cook again i kinda listened to the vid instead of watching reading this does not make sense to anyone but me reference hell half formulated thoughts RIP BOZO HAHA

Maybe I'll like do it in 5 mins chunks for JJJJJJoel and the next ones onward I spent like an hour on this wayyyyy too long for incomplete sentences

End

[fairycosmos]

chloe i unfortunately feel the need to inform u that ashfur was an incel cat who tried to kill the cat children of the girl he liked after she rejected him for another cat 😭 and then one of the cat children he almost succeeded in murdering killed him and there was a whole controversy abt whether it was right for him to go to cat heaven 😭😭

mannnnnnnnnn what the hell 😭 of all options i had to get the murderous fucking incel cat ??????? i thought he was just a sweet little guy .......... smh

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

˗ˏˋ mother mother songs. ´ˎ˗

the matrix 💊 (call me an incel film bro bc FUCK NOOOOOOOOOO)

bit by bit ⚒️ (AAAAAAAAWTFWTF wtf? why is this song so good why am I so obsessed with it ONE BY ONE oNE BY OoNE)

stay behind ⏳ (don't mind me i will be crying)

neighbor 🪟 (smh my neighbors wish they could jam to this jam)

oh ana 🪽 (im so insane hahahhahhha)

legs away 🌒 (this song can walk me to my grave)

hayloft 🩸 (a classic what do you want from me)

hayloft ii 🔥 (a classic ELEVATED i said it man AN EYE FOR AN EYE A LEG FOR A LEG A SHOT IN THE HEART DOESNT MAKE IT UNBRE)

ghosting 👻 (will never not make me weirdly emotional)

arms tonite 🩻 (HEY. YOU. DONTCHATHINKITSKINDACUTETHATI. DIED o yes get it richard campbell gansey iii)

weep 🥁 (AAUGH I WANNA COMMIT ARSON)

two ☎️ (SAILAWAYSAILAWAYSAILAWAYAYAYAYSAILAWAYSAILAW)

cesspool of love 💥 (oooo that good shit)

until it doesn't hurt 🚨 (goddamn i wanna fight i wanna bite i wanna swallow all the light. no srs after this song i feel like i physically can swallow light)

wisdom 🧠 (the most underrated omh song istg this song is insane WHERE CAN I GET SO O OME?)

love and truth 💔 (oo yeah uh oo get it ya mm)

ty for ur time

[dol-confessions]

Bruh why is so much happening, oh and don't listen to those people calling you a kid liker they're literally jealous of your artsyle 🙄smh but beside that what's your other account? You know the one for drawing since I'm pretty sure I've seen your other account before but I don't remember the name oh and my confession today is that menhater femcel simp kylar sounds more hot then everyonehater incel simp kylar for some reason

its @boundtosidney but havent post art there recently, im saving some new content for a convention im attending in two months

-mod gwylan

[lovemyromance]

Can people stop saying Elriels are changing Elain & Azriel's personalities to make their ship work?

First of all, SJM wrote a bonus chapter and 3 books of buildup in the background for Elriel already. We didn't just make up the fact that they're very into each other - SJM literally wrote that in the books.

We don't have to change anything about them. They are already attracted to each other and interested in each other in the text at this point.

Could we sit here and argue that Azriel sitting in the garden with Elain, Azriel sensing she's missing and in danger when the Cauldron kidnaps her, Elain looking to Azriel for comfort, Elain getting him solstice gifts, Azriel wanting to beg on his knees for a taste of her, Azriel giving her truth teller, Elain kicking the hounds off him, Azriel making everyone wait for her to eat dinner - We can sit here and argue and say those things are "strictly platonic" or "he's an incel who only lusts after her" (not sure how both can be true but okay). We can do that - but it won't change the fact that it is ON THE PAGE. THEIR MUTUAL ATTRACTION is IN THE TEXT.

Cool? Cool.

Next Point: Nobody is changing shit about Elain or Azriel.

It's like the antis saw one post about "oh Elain could be a cool warrior" all the way back in like 2015 and have held onto that like that one grainy af Elucien Facebook comment that one account keeps posting as responses to elriel posts (y'all know who im talking about right 😂).

Allow me to give you a refresher: It is currently 2024. Nobody is trying to make Elain be a warrior. I think most Elriels are of the opinion that we do NOT want ACOSF 2.0.

What we do want to see, is Elain potentially as a spy. AGAIN - not a warrior. This is not changing her personality. She is already a Seer - it is not a stretch to want to see her delve into her powers in the next book to use them to SEE and gather information. Elain is ready to help, she literally says "Find me when you wish to begin."

If people are complaining about fan arts where she's holding a dagger - I'm like 99% positive that dagger is truthteller and you cannot be complaining about an actual canon scene where she has been the only other person to touch that knife in 500 years, apart from Azriel. Not even Mor, his one time love, has touched that knife.

And Elain holding truthteller is in the official ACOTAR coloring book - BTW. So if you have an issue with Elain being depicted with a dagger - take it up with SJM's team.

Let's talk Azriel:

Genuinely not sure what people are saying we are changing about Azriel to better fit Elain?

People bring up the "oh he's too dark for Elain she will shy away from him" um. No. It's literally in the text how Elain calls his scars beautiful and does not balk from him.

Also .. what darkness? I did an entire post on what the hell is Azriel's darkness even and still, nobody had an answer for me because ??

We can't be reducing this man down to a job he took very very reluctantly and clearly hates. He doesn't like torturing people for answers, guys!! Y'all make it sound like his love interest can only work if she's his literal torture assistant or something 😭😭

"Hi azriel, you have a 11 o'clock coming in for the usual water boarding treatment." <tucks hair behind ear and nods earnestly> "and then afterwards, I will wash the blood off your knife and accept your darkness?"

Is that what y'all want 🤨🤨 don't be weird smh

Azriel says it feels wrong to touch Elain because HE FEELS UNDESERVING OF HER?? Have you never read a romance novel? The tortured hero being so reluctant to even touch his love because he's afraid his sins will taint her goodness??

Please people. Listen to like... a Hozier song before you try to understand this man because maybe then you might get a crash course on him. This man is so Hozier coded, it's insane to me that people think of him as some fuckboi incel.

Nobody is changing anything about Azriel and Elain. They are drawn to each other and understand each other without having to say a single word. Their love story is already starting out to be the healthiest: friends to lovers. They have been given a title: death & his lovely fawn.

Their very names mean Azriel "God is my help" or "Angel of Death" and Elain means "Light" or "Fawn" or "God has answered my prayers"

It's already on the pages and if you can't see the writing on the walls, perhaps it's time for a reread my friend.

[br1ghtestlight]

i hate that nerdy autistic guys think no one wants them cuz theyre not a Chad and then they become minority-hating incels bcuz nerdy autistic guys is literally my exact type. but i will not find someone attractive if they're a hateful bigot who just walks around complaining and feeling bad for themselves. like u couldve had it ALL if u were just normal about women and now neither of us is getting what we want smh

[cleewii]

I wanna hear any thoughts you may have on modern!incel!gyu. To me it's a fun mix of "I can fix him" and "I can ruin him" lolol

oh my…modern incel! gyu huh….

for me it’s 100% “i want to ruin him.” but see, i have a hard time coming up with ideas for this version of gyu because i just cant get past the blatant misogynistic, traditionalist, racist rhetoric he’d be spewing online 😭😭 i imagine he’s got a group of friends on discord and they all play sum dumb first person shooter and say the most disgusting shit. probably giggle over “if anybody leaked our chats we’d get locked up/canceled” or something… smh smh.

i’m so sorry anon, i just cant imagine myself romancing this lil freak so i’m having a hard time thinking anything up for ya 😭😭

best thing I can come up with rn is @sanemisstalker 's modern incel gyu drabbles (HEED THE WARNINGS THO MY LOVE!!!) since they’re pretty much 100% reflective of what i think he’s like/what dynamic i’d enjoy wit him.

[your-actual-therapist]

tumblr legalese (or, why it's safer to keep an emotional support dark lord around for emergencies)

sometimes i feel like i have to add legal disclaimers to the things i write on the internet, like those "may experience sudden diarrhea or pet death" disclaimers they have at the end of drug ads. mine would read, "not responsible for not anticipating all the ways you'll deliberately misinterpret and fuck up my advice, thus proving me a villain."

i feel this way because people are so good at playing that weird game where they take something you wrote and put it in the worst possible context to make you sound like an irredeemably terrible person.

feel a mote of self-esteem? only narcissists feel that way, and narcissists have abused me, and therefore you're abusing me now.

eat when you're hungry? some people can't eat and have to be tube-fed. your privilege is showing.

self-compassion? what if there's a bear near you? how can someone have self-compassion when they're being attacked by BEARS. priorities. smh.

trans women are beautiful? AM I, A CISGENDER PERSON WITH A SKIN AS THIN AS WET TOILET PAPER, NOT BEAUTIFUL?!?!

and as you can imagine i'm like:

i'm not relating any of this to "cancel culture" or "snowflakeism" or whatever other buzzword fascists are using to characterize actual harm as valid opinion. i think the truth is weirder.

rules, fear, and extremes

the expectations tumblr-adjacent people have for themselves and others are extreme. they are extreme in the sense that they have taken sensible statements like "be aware of others' feelings" or "remember that not everyone shares your experiences" and turned these reasonable views into unrecognizable, rigid, toxically exaggerated rules.

as a therapist, i have noticed that this tends to happen to people who have done a lot of therapy or self-reflection and continue to struggle with uncertainty. the therapist or self-help book says "have boundaries" or "take responsibility" and they're like, "i like this concept, but i don't want to make any judgment calls about it. my judgment could be wrong. being wrong would be catastrophic. i need solid, unambiguous rules for every situation."

so they morph that advice into something ridiculous. "have boundaries" becomes "have indiscriminately rigid boundaries," and "take responsibility" becomes "take responsibility for everything that results from your behavior, even stuff that you couldn't have anticipated." the only 100% safe situation, if you're not okay making mistakes and being wrong, is one where the rules are inflexible and taken to their logical extreme.

want to write a fanfic featuring a romantic relationship between two characters who are teenagers? you're an evil pedophile.

you think some foods have different nutritional properties than other foods and that people need more than just cheez-its and coffee for their bodies to work? obviously you're a diet fiend and encouraging anorexia.

you're neurodivergent and you're not always 100% jazzed about the challenges your neurodivergence brings to your life? ableist.

cosmic uncertainty and the allure of safety

these "rules" may sound silly, but they're also safe. without rigid rules, you're forced to take risks. you have to use your brain and assess the situation, and you could be wrong. you may then have to admit to other people that you were wrong and engage with them to learn to do better. you may not ever know whether you made the right call.

on a cosmic level, that gets scary.

because what if you can't ever know whether you're doing the right thing? what if you're going to be uncertain about the important things in your life forever? what if it's not possible to be certain? what if your perceptions and judgments are fallible? what if you're alone in your brain and no one can ever reach in there and be like, "that's what you meant"?

behind every inflexible rule is a deep well of fear. you see it in incel communities, where they've spilled millions of gallons of E-Ink© trying to make sense of their world by explaining sexual success by millimeters of difference in eye position. you see it in dogmatic expressions of religion, which can't allow for human fallibility or subtle shades of gray because if they did, their followers would have to risk being uncertain about something. you see it in those baffling self-help articles that turn self-evident statements like "be mindful of your time and energy" into dramatic extremes like "it's always okay to cancel on people at the last minute 'cause, y'know, self-care!"

enter the villain

so—back to tumblr legalese. my hunch is that it feels satisfying to call someone out based on a rule you believe in, even if that rule is profoundly weird and doesn't take human nuances into account. it's satisfying because it allows you to have a villain.

villains are simple. you don't have to think about whether darth vader or nurse ratched are bad people, and you don't have to waste time untangling your own motives for opposing them. there is no moral ambivalence or cosmic uncertainty. you don't even have to defeat a villain to feel good. it's enough just to know you're fighting the good fight, and that as long as you do that, your life is not meaningless. maybe you haven't defeated the villain, but you know what you have defeated? anxiety.

without a villain, you're left to your own fragile human abilities. what's scarier than pennywise? meaninglessness. uncertainty. being alone in your own brain.

i will leave you with the words of the existential psychotherapist ernest becker, who summed it up in one of my favorite books, the denial of death, much better than my terribly congested, snot-filled self can right now:

Beyond ourselves we sense chaos. We can’t really do much about this unbelievable power, except for one thing: we can endow certain persons with it. The child takes natural awe and terror and focuses them on individual beings, which allows him to find the power and the horror all in one place instead of diffused throughout a chaotic universe. Mirabile! The transference object, being endowed with the transcendent powers of the universe, now has in himself the power to control, order, and combat them.

[showerthoughtsofagoldengoose]

my favorite post <33

I have a lot to say on it but I think the big thing for me is that I 100% agree with all these characters deserving second chances. Something about the characters getting second chances makes me think of Toby Fox's work.

I feel like what Toby Fox has over Andrew Hussie is an ability to recognize the humanity of every single one of his own characters and treat them like they are all people with their own thoughts and feelings. He sort of treats all of them like (Vriska) where they all are allowed second chances. And yea, technically speaking a lot of these characters do SORT of get arcs.

Eridan, the one I will focus on since this is an eridan post, keeps it together when he's in Erisol sprite and even apologizes to Feferi. We see throughout the comic multiple instances of "yes, Eridan very well could be redeemed" because at the end of the day he is just a scared little boy trying to live up to a lofty role he isn't even happy with and WE LITERALLY SEE IN THE COMIC that he casts aside this role when he gets his sick new wizard powers and wants to fight for hope, even though this goes horribly wrong within minutes lol.

It's just so weird to me that such well written and awesome characters such as Eridan are thrown aside like nothing, and Hussie even states that he was "always meant to be" an "incel murderboy" directly in his own notes (where he also says something abt the matriorb that I disagree with and since I don't respect Hussie I can accept my own reading over his words xoxo).

Prince of hope either destroys hope or THROUGH hope, so he very well could learn how to CONTROL hope and isn't just resigned to fate. In fact his character is very AGAINST the concept of fate, and forcing him to fall victim to it then get fused with his worst enemy and lose basically all of his plot relevance and do fuckall for the rest of the narrative is kinda not what I would do with this character esp with things like as OP mentioned Roxy and Karkat both being really clear potential pairings for him.

Eridan, and really most of the Homestuck cast's treatment is so bleak and cynical in a way I just don't appreciate at all. I love OP's take on how Homestuck should have ended. in a post they did on Nepeta they go in depth about their ideal ending for the comic. It's well worth a read because this ending is so much more in line with the themes of the story than what we ended up getting, not to mention kinda beautiful and very Toby Fox-core.

Also what I've heard about the epilogues and hs^2 makes me wanna puke cause it just continues down this hopeless path until recently where it allegedly got better, but honestly I'm avoiding them and whats even the point the one reason I even picked up this comic isn't even there besides one paragraph where he acts like Cronus smh.

Damn I won't shut up about Eridan I am annoying lol

Murder, Love, and Destiny: An Eridan Ampora Character Study

Warnings for things from Homestuck, like discussions of child abuse, mental illness, murder, suicide, etc. etc.

Because there's a huge wall of text after this point, I'm going to summarize what I hope to convince you of in bullet point format, and then hope you'll actually read the rest of the text before arguing with me about it.

Eridan is the least casteist highblood, if you ignore all the slurs.

Those are his emotional support slurs.

Pale EriKar was not only canon, but set up to be endgame.

Eridan is incredibly plot-relevant, thematically relevant, and was definitely originally intended to be brought back to life, alongside the other dead trolls.

He's Sad.

The first thing we have to establish is what counts as "canon" for the purpose of this essay. I am only counting the original comic up to Game Over, after which there's a general consensus that Hussie kind of gave up on his original planned ending, and slapped together something that most people hate. So I am immediately disqualifying Pesterquest, supplementary material, fanworks deemed canon, the epilogues, and Homestuck^2.

Moreover, we are taking Hussie's commentaries with a grain of salt, for two reasons. The first reason is that I firmly believe - and will be arguing - that the original plan was to bring Eridan (and the other dead trolls) back; therefore, Hussie (who has a track record of playing coy with future plot twists) can't speak too fondly of him, lest he give it away. The second reason for de-emphasizing Hussie's words is that, post-retcon, Hussie isn't very well going to say that he had plans for a better ending, and then didn't execute on them; to save face, he has to act as though his trashing of several prior plot threads, including but not limited to Eridan, was the plan all along.

Therefore, this essay will not be putting too much emphasis on Word of God, and will instead be relying on textual evidence from the comic itself, of which there is plenty. So without further ado:

Eridan is a Consummate Murderer.

The reason I'm starting with this point is that, far more than any other, this truth lies at the core of his being. Eridan is formally introduced to us with a murder, and he's haunted by an overpowering genocide complex. He outright describes to Rose at one point that "killin is all i evver done practically," and uses "murder" as an expletive (ie "swweet stinkin murder"). With a conservative estimate of 5 kills per week for 4 sweeps (Vriska looks VERY young when she has to start killing, and Eridan was likely a similar age when he began), both Eridan and Vriska easily have bodycounts above 2000 - the real number is probably even higher.

At this point, many raise an objection that Eridan is only killing lusii, but I believe we need to count his kills as troll murders, for three reasons: first, a dead lusus results in the orphaned troll being culled; second, one has to assume he has had cases of trolls trying to defend their lusii, or coming after him for vengeance; and third - and most importantly - Eridan HIMSELF is thinking about the orphaned trolls.

Compare Feferi: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. At least until she dies.

To Eridan: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere very sad.

So Eridan, to a much greater extent than even Feferi, is thinking about the orphaned trolls he's leaving behind, and considers his own actions to be murder.

Now that we've established the facts regarding his murders - a rough bodycount, and the fact that, by his own admission, he barely had any hobbies outside of it - we can move on to the effect that it's had on him. It's not very good!

Vriska's manipul8tions and murders had to be done for her own sake - if she ever stopped, she died. Therefore, much of Vriska's personality revolves around justifying her own actions so she doesn't have to reckon with her softer feelings, like guilt or kindness - which she expresses would be viewed as scandalous by others of her caste.

But if Eridan ever stops feeding Gl'bgolyb, everybody dies. The stakes he has riding on his shoulders are, at all times, the fate of all trolls, including all his friends. Given Dualscar's title was "Orphaner," it's implied that killing lusii for Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's duty, and is seen as such by the others, which is why nobody expresses gratitude for his hard work even a single time.

Which brings us to our next point:

Eridan is Crushed by Anxiety.

If Eridan stops killing lusii, everybody - especially his friends, but everybody else, too - dies.

If Eridan ever shows guilt or kindness, he'll be considered "weak" by the standards of highbloods - he shares this with Vriska.

Eridan is expected, by aristocratic tradition, to take on the mantle of his ancestor Dualscar and finish his work. Dualscar met a comedically cringefail end, so this is a massive undertaking.

Before finding out that god tiering is an option - so, for nearly his entire life - Eridan has had to live with the expectation that he will outlive all of his friends. The lowbloods from culling or dying on the battlefield, the highbloods from old age, and Feferi from being killed by the Empress when she gets old enough.

(This is reflected in who he talks to the most - Feferi, who's the only one with a natural lifespan longer than his, Vriska, who's a highblood, Kanaya, who's practically guaranteed to survive into adulthood, and Karkat, whose anonblood allows Eridan to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Also if he can't land his concupiscent quadrants he'll die from that too, but that seems pretty secondary to the rest of his concerns.

He can't even make friends with the other highbloods, because sea dwellers are expected to hate and antagonize them.

He had a free ticket into adulthood, but would almost certainly be expected to join the army and serve as a commander. That is to say, his fate of performing the role of a vicious, murderous sea dweller seems dreadfully inevitable to him.

NO WONDER he can't stop having emotional breakdowns. NO WONDER his chatlogs swing wildly from relentless self-aggrandizement to traumadumping. NO WONDER he's obsessed with murder and death and genocide.

Doc Scratch calls him a "vengeful boy on the path of nihilism," and it's not hard to see why: Eridan's entire life has been about living up to the role imposed on him by society, sacrificing his own time and sanity for everyone else, which he "nevver got any appreciation for anywway." And all he had to look forward to was more of the same, all his friends dropping dead one by one before him. For Eridan, there has never been any hope.

SGRUB could have been a way out for him, but a combination of his own terrible choices, spurred on by his anxieties, and his teammates' unwillingness to knock some sense into him, meant that he only wound up mired even deeper in his hopelessness.

We all know about how Eridan wouldn't stop killing the angels on his planet, provoking their aggression and turning it into a ball of death. How he was definitely not supposed to be doing this, and how his stubborn insistence on it led to his further ostracization from the rest of the group. The thing is, when we look at his angel-murders from the point of view that Eridan's entire life has been about murdering things or else Something Bad™ happens, it actually starts to become... kind of sad.

KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB. KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN? ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties

Killing the angels is something he feels like his has to do, because his entire life has been about killing things he doesn't want to kill. He's unable to break out of that mindset on his own, and his unpleasant personality has scared off anyone who might want to help. No one on the team tries to understand his thought process on a deeper level, not even Karkat, who just tells him it was an idiotic thing to do without addressing his underlying anxieties at all. Indeed, "nobody understands."

And this is really the root of why I think so many people get the wrong read on Eridan - Eridan is constantly contradicting himself, constantly denying his own feelings, constantly pushing an image that he doesn't actually believe in, and constantly insisting that he's fine with all the horrible shit in his life - that he likes it, even. After all, he can't admit to his guilt for his murders, or how much he doesn't want to watch his friends die, or how scared he is about the future - that'd be weakness!

CC: I can't look after you anymore. CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble

You see his contradictory nature with his stated love of history, which he only ever offhandedly mentions - because he's not actually that interested in history, it's just something that's expected of someone of his station. And you see it with his wavy accent, which he himself calls "weird" and drops when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. And you see it with his dumbass outfit, which is very clearly an imitation of Dualscar (with the only exception being the wizard-ass scarf, because wizards are his actual interest. I don't believe he likes fashion. I genuinely believe - and Eridan himself says so - that he basically has no hobbies outside of murder).

Even being proud to be a sea dweller is pretty much an outright lie:

CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at... CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!

One that he tells because he's SCARED OF THE OCEAN. Because he knows what lives in the ocean, because he's been feeding it his entire life. I see a lot of people who give Eridan an interest in marine life, and I'm telling you, that's just got no basis in canon. He's fucking TERRIFIED of the sea.

And for that matter, land dweller genocide. Eridan doesn't want to do it. Both Feferi AND his internal narration call him out for not actually wanting to do it. He outright states he wouldn't kill his friends.

CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

But he feels like he HAS to want it, HAS to believe in it, HAS to be talking about it constantly, because that's what's expected from him as a sea dweller, and a sea dweller is ALL that he will get to be. The mutation that puts a violet streak in his hair is damning. It's a fate he feels like he can't escape. Which brings us to:

Eridan is Not Actually Casteist, Well He Is But Not Like That, It's Complicated

Secondary title: Those Are His Emotional Support Slurs, Okay

In the exact same vein (haha) as secretly not wanting all the land dwellers dead, Eridan also genuinely doesn't feel like he's better than lower blood castes. Vriska and Equius obviously put quite a bit of stock into being nobility, and both have acted superior to Karkat for it. Feferi actually revels in her high status, and while she is genuinely well-meaning, she's not as interested in abolishing casteism as she is in changing the meaning of "culling" specifically (the hemocaste, aristocracy, and casteism still very much exist in a Beforus under her rule). Gamzee MIGHT be the only highblood less casteist than Eridan, but then again, as soon as he snaps, he does say a lot of casteist stuff to Equius, although it's unclear how serious he is, and he also proceeds to get really into his weird highblood clown cult.

Meanwhile, Eridan - despite all his slurs and talk of genocide - does not actually try to "pull rank" on a lowblood for being a lower caste than him with a single exception. That exception is Sollux... after he's already shown having entirely caste-neutral opinions on Sollux:

CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete! CA: man that guy CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB. CC: 38P CA: fuck SORRY CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life. CA: yeah sorry

CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her CA: so forget it thanks anywway

It's only AFTER he's mad at Sollux for dating Feferi that he starts going in on Sollux with casteist rhetoric... which is treated as unrequited flirting and not serious casteism:

ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted. FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling. FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant! FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!

THEY don't even think he's being casteist.

In fact, directly contradicting this earlier argument he has with Feferi:

CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is. CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!! CC: GLUB. >38( CA: pshh CA: hemospectrum begs to differ

He OUTRIGHT states his real feelings here:

CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody CA: im worse than anybody CA: EVERYBODY CA: all the bodies

So the question of "is Eridan casteist" has an answer of "kind of, but also no." Eridan DOES espouse the rhetoric; he's constantly saying stuff that a casteist sea dweller "should" be saying. However, if you look at his ACTIONS, and the way he actually treats people, he doesn't actually care about blood color. He'll hit on anybody, and he's rude as fuck to everybody. The real problem with him is that he's terrible to talk to, not that he's discriminatory.

That's the thing about Eridan. Understanding him means looking past the way he presents himself, the lies he tells to himself, and even, at times, the way the narration presents him. His "overblown emotional theatrics" seem a lot less overblown when his problems ARE so real, deep-seated, and constantly causing him an unimaginable amount of anguish.

The problem is, the main people he has to bounce those problems against are Feferi, Vriska, and Kanaya, three of the people most comfortable with their privileged positions, for whom Eridan's genuine emotional distress seems like needless melodrama. Feferi loves being a princess, Vriska enjoys her noble privileges, Kanaya doesn't need to worry about culling. But for Eridan, his noble status, and the duties and expectations placed on him for it, have caused him nothing but pain - of course he would feel like nobody understands. Most of his closest friends genuinely don't, nor do they try to.

Because that's what he is at his core - a traumatized fucking child, who doesn't see any way out. Eridan is not a casteist genocidal sea dweller... he just wishes he was one, and tries to be one, because if he actually was one, he wouldn't feel so awful and scared and sad all the time. He'd be normal, like his friends.

The reason he constantly spouts anti-land dweller rhetoric and uses casteist language is to assuage this cognitive dissonance. That's why he has to come off so strong, present himself in such an aggrandized way, act like such a douchebag. They're his emotional support slurs. He doesn't actually believe what he says, which means he's a Bad Sea Dweller, which means he's Failing, which means Something Bad Will Happen, so he'd better get his ass in line and say something casteist!

And it's all made worse because:

Eridan is Dumb of Ass (and True of Word)

Oh my god you guys he's so stupid that it hurts.

Okay, that's not entirely fair. Eridan is clearly well-educated and book smart; he has some of the most elegant prose out of the trolls, and he's prone to going off on insane rants with it. (Actually, his language gets more flowery and showy when he's trying to impress a stranger, and gets progressively more laid back, chill, and even kind of "bro"-y when he starts talking to people he doesn't feel like he needs to impress.)

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince GG: wow what are you talking about

What I mean is this: his brain is so full of anxiety and cognitive dissonance and murder and death that he struggles to care about other people, which has devastating effects on his social skills. I go really in-depth on how his though process informs his behavior here. The question may have popped up in your mind already: if his casteism stuff isn't actually real, then what is Eridan actually like? The answer is, overwhelmingly, and discomfortingly, SINCERE.

This boy is gunning at 100% emotional earnestness 100% of the time, and it's deeply uncomfortable for others to deal with. He'll swing wildly from insults and derogatory language, to stating a desire to kill all land dwellers, to awe and amazement at his friends' prowess, to demanding that they do things for him, to traumadumping and venting, without missing a beat. Often in the same conversation.

CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

He's also specifically terrible at parsing hostility. Functionally, he interprets all hostility aimed AT him as either pitch/ashen flirting or "ironic repartee," and similarly views his own hostile words as verbal jousting, pitch/ashen advances, or even just factual descriptions of the world around him (ie calling Nepeta a "kittycat shipper cavve girl"). Hostility and aggression are just kind of his baseline, default state of being, and he basically has no ability to differentiate between good and bad attention. I talk more in-depth about his emotionally bereft upbringing (and shitty lusus) here, but suffice to say that our boy isn't getting any emotional support at home, and as a result, craves attention, no matter what kind.

This also means he's insanely gullible. For example, Rose calls him an idiot to his face, and then blows up his computer, sarcastically calling it "your first lesson in showmanship." Eridan proceeds to literally considers it that, blowing up Jade's computer after he's done talking to her. Furthermore, Kanaya sees him as a burden, insults him to his face, and pretty much just bullies him along with Rose for fun.

So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.

And yet, in spite of all that, Eridan still has nothing but gratitude and praise for Kanaya:

ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you KANAYA: For What ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic ERIDAN: wwhat KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science

Like, he's in the middle of genuinely thanking her for believing in him, she makes fun of him to his face, and his response is to laugh it off and offer to teach her how to properly insult someone. It's honestly... kind of sad. Not that he doesn't deserve the ridicule, but what we're seeing here is a traumatized, emotionally neglected boy trying to communicate the best that he can that he loves and appreciates his friends, and receiving nothing but mockery in return.

It's really not a surprise, then, that he goes off the deep end. His entire life prior to the game has been shit; he got broken up with as soon as he entered the game (by someone who didn't even care enough not to use fish puns while doing it); he's ostracized and avoided for the game's duration; and then he spends the rest of his time on the meteor being bullied. He feels deeply hopeless and anxious about their situation because he literally doesn't know how else to exist, and his concerns are dismissed and mocked at every turn. When Feferi turns on him with intent to kill, that's his breaking point.

I see a lot of people say he goes grimdark, or succumbs to external influence somehow, but I don't think that needs to be true (nor is it) - he's just a deeply traumatized kid with almost no support network who's finally been pushed to the edge, despite displaying every possible warning sign and making multiple cries for help. Yes, ultimately, he's guilty for his own actions, but his killing spree - alongside Gamzee's and Vriska's - represents a cohesive failure as a team to address very clear problems in their midst.

So Feferi and Kanaya are sick of his ass. Sollux hates him platonically, Equius doesn't like him, and Nepeta thinks of him as a creep. Vriska is his awkward ex, and Terezi agrees with him when he calls himself pathetic. He never interacts with Tavros, Aradia, or sober!Gamzee. Is there anyone that treats him nicely?

Uh, okay, so I swear this isn't shipping goggles -

Pale EriKar Is Canon And I Can Prove It

So, I'm going to start this with a disclaimer: you can ship what you want to ship. I don't mind. I don't care. Headcanons are valid, death of the author, etc. What you do in your free time is up to you.

What I am attempting to argue in this section is that an Eridan/Karkat moirallegiance was heavily foreshadowed, one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the entire comic, and - assuming that the original ending of Homestuck included all the dead trolls being brought back and redeemed - was going to be endgame. There's a torrential amount of evidence pointing to this, and very little of it is acknowledged even by the EriKar shippers, which is a shame.

At the very least, I'll be happy if I can convince some Karkat RPers to be extra nice to Eridans, because they are actually just friends who care deeply about each other. Canonically.

The first thing to note is that Eridan and Karkat, at least prior to SGRUB, talk all the time, to the point where Feferi feels the need to comment on it:

CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations. CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING! CA: shrug CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember. CA: maybe CA: seems kinda CA: odd though

("Can you please stop having an emotional affair with Karkat" "Eh, I'll think about it")

The second thing to note is what the contents of those conversations entail. Sure, they "gossip," but it goes deeper than that, because they gossip about things that Karkat would NEVER gossip about with anybody else, because Karkat usually respects his "VERY GOOD FRIEND"s. For example, here Eridan mentions that Karkat has speculated on Kanaya's love life with him:

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

And it's not even a one-off thing, because here Karkat is again, mentioning Nepeta's crush on him:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL. KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

It's a situation he's been trying to "tiptoe around for a long time," and he tells ERIDAN, of all people? MULTIPLE TIMES? (AND HE ALSO TELLS ERIDAN THAT THE REJECTION WASN'T HIS FAULT???? WHAT??????)

So we've established that they talk frequently and about some pretty seriously sensitive topics. But did you know that they also talk about... their feelings?

See, the thing is, Karkat has always been weirdly nice to Eridan. Here he is in a memo near the very beginning of their game, when Karkat is at his most "rah rah, I'm the big bad leader":

FCA: i got a problem FCA: wwith feferi FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin CCG: OK, WELL CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU. CCG banned FCA from responding to memo. CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN? CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Compare that to Tavros asking for advice later down in the same memo:

PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME, PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL, PAT: lIKE, PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT, CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES. CCG: ALL OF YOU. CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE. PAT: sORRY, CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY. CCG: JUST CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.

He then proceeds to dispense no actual love advice; he just points out that Vriska can totally read this memo too, and then mocks them both when she shows up - thus making it clear that he is giving Eridan special treatment.

You see it again in his discussion with Eridan in [S] Kanaya: Return to the Core, where Eridan invokes a "pact" between them, and Karkat immediately plays nice with him, despite himself being extremely high-strung and stressed out:

KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.

That's definitely pity, which Karkat states to be the basis of all relationships besides pitch. But, sure, okay, Karkat is sometimes nice to his friends. He is, after all, the Friendship Troll, so that's not necessarily out of the ordinary. But how about the fact that it goes both ways?

That's right, Eridan "100% aggro 100% of the time" Ampora is actually really considerate toward Karkat's feelings, and basically nobody else's. Upon hearing that Karkat is distressed that Sollux has died, Eridan actively puts his own meltdown about his breakup with Feferi on pause:

TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that CA: are you sayin hes dead TC: YeAh :o( CA: oh fuck CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole

He then goes on to chastise Gamzee for his shitty advice, demanding to be given the chance to comfort Karkat himself instead:

TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG TC: HoNk CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on

Before finally giving up when Gamzee insists he's "too scared of Jack" to help, drinking some Faygo, and trying to ask past Karkat for help, because past Karkat isn't sad yet about Sollux dying. So, to recap,

Eridan's first instinct when in emotional duress is to go to Karkat.

Eridan feels like he knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice would be useless (and is proven right by the fact that Gamzee and Karkat's moirallegiance fails for similar reasons).

Eridan is willing to shelve his own emotional meltdown for Karkat's sake.

Eridan demands to be the one to provide Karkat with emotional support.

And this is, again, not a one-off thing. In the memo Karkat opens right after Eridan and Gamzee have both turned murderous, after he's spent several minutes making death threats toward Eridan and insulting him directly, he goes:

CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it

Eridan spends this entire memo under the belief that it's a completely run-of-the-mill conversation they're having:

PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor CCG: UGH, NO PCA: are you busy PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it

Which implies that offering to listen to Karkat's feelings is also a completely regular thing for them.

But something magical is ALSO happening within this last memo, and to really explain it, I'll first have to be a little mean to the GamKar shippers (sorry).

So, canonically, GamKar doesn't work out for them, despite also being somewhat foreshadowed. In fact, they feature on Nepeta's shipping wall, which is actually, in my opinion, foreshadowing that it WOULDN'T work out. (Nepeta's ships being wrong, and shipping being something she needs to learn to outgrow, is a whole essay on its own, that I'm not getting into here.)

But the thing is, the seeds for them not working out were also planted in the first - and only - real post-moirallegiance interaction that they have with each other, where Gamzee tries to calm Karkat down... and FAILS:

GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o( ... KARKAT: OK KARKAT: OK YEAH KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX. KARKAT: AND BREATHE. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT? KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST KARKAT: BREATHE KARKAT: LIKE KARKAT: THIS... KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT. KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON. ... KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY? KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT? KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

But let's go back to that memo where Karkat is freaking out in every way possible. This is how he starts that memo - so upset about the deaths of his friends and terrified by Gamzee that he can barely string together a coherent thought:

CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED. CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM? CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK. ... CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY. CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. PCC: Sorry for w)(at?? CCG: FOR CCG: I CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.

In fact, he's so distressed that he bans Past!Feferi and Past!Gamzee almost immediately after they come in. But then Eridan comes in, and... I mean, first of all, just compare how long it takes for him to ban Eridan:

But more interesting are the contents of their conversation. Over the course of talking to Eridan... Karkat completely calms the fuck down. Like he's entirely forgotten that he's shitting his pants with fear. In fact, he even starts critiquing Eridan for his dumbassery:

PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you CCG: WHY NOT PCA: cause youre future you PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW. ... CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU PCA: no CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT. PCA: wwell uh PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.

It's extremely funny. Over the course of talking to Eridan, he goes from:

CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

To:

CCG banned PCA from responding to memo. CCG: ANYWAY CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.

Eridan isn't even trying to calm Karkat down. He still succeeds in doing so. This is because they are soul mates. And I mean that in the sense that the comic literally calls being moirails soul mates, which it doesn't do for the other quadrants:

A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

That "social purpose" being that an even-tempered troll calms down a more hot-tempered one, and vice versa.

It also goes on to note:

But some pale pairings, as the one above [referring to a picture of Nepeta and Equius], will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

But what's really interesting is the next page.

And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.

Did you catch that? Let me zoom in.

(Also, the blue and red cuttlefish to represent Sollux - Feferi and Sollux spend the whole game together, and even wind up talking about their feelings constantly in a pile - more on piles in a sec.)

In fact... in Eridan's first visual appearance...

The crab has always been there for him.

It's also important to talk about the bottle of Faygo that's been photoshopped to be candy red, Karkat's blood color. The path that it takes actually directly mirrors Karkat's relationships with Gamzee and Eridan - it's initially something that Gamzee has, but winds up being ejected out of his life, and washes up on Eridan's shore. In fact:

TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin CA: is that wwhat this is TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt? CA: oh CA: oh god youre right i do CA: i totally forgot about it TC: YoU SeE MaN TC: MoThEr TC: FuCkIn TC: MiRaClEs TC: :o)

When Gamzee and Eridan discuss this exact bottle, Gamzee even likens it to "reunited lovers"; it's something that Eridan has had this whole time (after all, he was cheating on Feferi with the guy), but never realized.

There are a few miscellaneous things that don't really mean anything on their own, but put next to all this other stuff, is worth considering, so I'll list those now.

First, they both do the bonk:

Second:

CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore. CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON. CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.

Third, Karkat muses to his future self about how he misses his friends, especially the assholes, two pages before staring at a dead Eridan's ass (joking, he's definitely looking at WV, but it's still significant that this thought is being associated with Eridan):

CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT. CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY. CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES. CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.

Fourth, in the same conversation, he bemoans his failed relationship with Terezi, before Future!Karkat chastises Past!Karkat for his instability and mixed signals. Going back to the page on moirallegiances, an explicit function of a proper pale relationship is stabilizing a troll's other relationships:

The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

Of course, I don't need to tell you how messy and unstable Eridan's relationships have been.

And finally, Piles of Stuff™ are associated with moirails, and directly stated in-comic to cause an outpouring of emotion:

Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.

So here's a seven-word tragedy for you: For Sale, Shitty Wand Pile, Never Used:

ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.

(Which he specifically tells Karkat about.)

So, yeah, what I'm saying is, there's just, like, a weirdly large amount to read into here. That Karkat and Eridan are probably soulmates or whatever. And that this is important because...

Eridan Is Plot Relevant (Well All The Dead Trolls Are But This Is An Essay About Eridan)

So. Now we are going to talk about themes. Yes, like we are in schoolfeeding again. I'm going to keep it simple, because "The Themes of Homestuck" is a whole essay on its own, and this one about just the shitty fish boy is already way too long.

I think it's fairly non-controversial to posit that the main theme of Homestuck is, "children should mature, care about each other, and throw off the shackles of their old society, because they will be responsible for a new world one day."

Up until Game Over/the Retcon, this is so prevalent and well-established that SBURB/SGRUB's coming-of-age themes will outright be commented upon by the characters, and the main villain is a child who deliberately stunted his own growth so he could go around kicking over other peoples' toys forevermore.

So, the thing is, with that being the theme of Homestuck, if ALL of the Alternian trolls don't survive to the end, the ending is thematically unsatisfying, because the message suddenly gains an addendum of "well, some kids just need to die," which totally sucks. Like, sure, Eridan was a violent, crazed murderer even at the best of times, but his permanent death within the canon ending kind of means that the comic is saying that people in his position don't deserve kindness or second chances. That position being a traumatized, emotionally neglected child, who was being bullied by people he considered his friends. It's a pretty terrible message.

It's even worse when you consider what other trolls don't make it to the end - Nepeta, the most outspoken troll against the hemospectrum (and Davepeta does NOT count, don't try to tell me the final culmination of Nepeta's character arc is being combined with some guy she barely knows and a bird). Feferi, who genuinely wanted the best for others, even if she was kind of a privileged princess. Aradia and Sollux also stay behind in the bubbles, even though their lives have pretty much been endless parades of suffering and being used by other people. Even Equius doesn't deserve it - he was kind of a casteist freak, but not irredeemably so, and the fact that he became kinder to Karkat over the course of SGRUB proved that he had the capacity to change. And Tavros, allergic to himself and being insulted by Vriska, is a terrible way to end his arc.

It's also really clear that, since half his friends are dead, Karkat just doesn't really have anything to do. His title is the Knight of Blood, and Blood is about bonds - romance, friendship. And yet, he ends the comic having never figured out what Blood was about, with no confirmed filled quadrants (sorry DaveKat likers, but within the comic itself, DaveKat is never confirmed), and most of his bonds nothing more than ghosts in the bubbles. It's a terribly unsatisfying ending for the most narratively important troll.

I think, then, that even if you don't agree that Homestuck should have ended with full revivals and redemption arcs for all the trolls, the essay is going to proceed on like you do, so, sorry, I guess.

The thing with Eridan, specifically, is that he's actually tied deeply into the plot and themes, and his return means more than just Karkat finally getting a date (although that's important, too). Eridan is directly intertwined with a prophecy to kill Lord English; he's set up to mirror Caliborn and Calliope; and thematically, his redemption would be the most clear instance of the "interrogating society" part of the theme of Homestuck, because Eridan is kind of the Society Troll. And also, he was definitely supposed to be Roxy's wizard boyfriend.

Just gonna get that last one out of the way real quick because it's a fast one, Roxy fucking loves wizards and is a hipster. Eridan is a wizard and is also a hipster. Roxy has a crush on a prince. Eridan is also a prince. Roxy wears a purple striped scarf. Eridan wears a blue striped scarf. Roxy uses rifles. Eridan uses rifles. Momlonde's introduction includes a passive-aggressive fridge battle that features a cameo of Eridan's quirk.

Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.

Yeah. So. Uh. Not only did Eridan need to be brought back to date Karkat pale, but he also needed to be brought back to date Roxy flushed. Can you imagine how funny it would be. They'd get together within 5 minutes of meeting for the first time and Rose would lose her shit. Anyway.

Him being a parallel to Calliope and Caliborn is also a quick one - Caliborn uses Riflekind/Sceptrekind, and Calliope uses Pistolkind/Wandkind. Eridan's two weapons are rifles and wands. Lord English is described as an evil wizard and at one point is shown using Calliope's wand. Eridan is also an evil wizard who uses a wand.

Look, I'm not saying that Eridan is necessarily directly related to these two, nor am I even necessarily saying that he and Roxy HAVE to date, but I am saying that he's got Weird Plot Connections that make him bizarrely relevant to characters that only come into play well after his death - almost like the comic was setting up that he would be coming back. His reaction to Cronus supports this, which I go into detail about here.

There's other strange "Eridan's plot important" things, too - like the fact that he's completely unimpressed by Faygo, considering it to be "just soda," and seems to be the only non-cultist who's okay with it. Or the fact that he's actually been awake on Derse since before the game (but unable to hear the horrorterrors, maybe foreshadowing some psychic resistance?) which he casually reveals to Kanaya and which Terezi is aware of, hence he's included in the people she names are "in" on the existence of the game. Or the fact that the genetic code for Alternia's first guardian was written within the pages of four FLARP books, with the addition of a fifth code Gamzee wrote in Karkat's ~ATH book... but Eridan was the fifth FLARP player in the team, implying that Doc Scratch/LE influencing Gamzee caused him to usurp Eridan's part of the first guardian code, giving LE his way into the trolls' universe.

Individually, it's all kind of nothing, but it just paints a bigger picture of Eridan being weirdly relevant, especially when we get to the juicy stuff:

The Prophecy

ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. ... [T]his magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. ... ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope.

ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing GG: umm yes ... CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be ... CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

Jake is supposed to have been the one to defeat Lord English. (No, Jake defeating pre-LE Caliborn right before he gets sealed into Cal doesn't count! He doesn't even get the final blow in that fight, DIRK does.)

But Eridan at one point had that destiny on his shoulders. Aranea turbohealing Jake, and the resultant hope field, summons a bunch of angels, which are heavily associated with Eridan - yet another random connection that Eridan has with future plot events.

Jake was another character, alongside Karkat, who was kind of reduced to a joke by the end, despite the fact that he had literally, directly, been passed the destiny of defeating Lord English. It's hard not to see this as a consequence, at least in part, of removing Eridan from the story. By cutting him out of the fabric of the ending, several plot threads - including this prophecy - are left dangling in irrelevance. And so Jake, like Karkat, now has nothing to do.

Homestuck is generally a series where every prophecy does come true, which makes it kind of startling when several prophecies fail to - Feferi's to "unite the two races," Jake's to defeat Lord English, and Karkat's to bring "compassion, forgiveness, and equality among all bloodlines" in the Signless's place.

That last one is actually relevant to:

The Thematic Importance of EriKar As Soul Mates

Eridan represents the worst aspects of Alternian society. He's a sea dweller at the top of the caste structure, with free reign to murder whoever he wants, soaked in the blood of thousands of innocent trolls. He espouses the casteist rhetoric that their society is built on, calling for the deaths of all land dwellers and the oppression of the lower castes. And while he should be benefitting from his position of privilege, it has also done nothing but hurt him.

Karkat, meanwhile, is a pariah. A mutant who would've been culled on sight, who spent his entire life living in hiding, and most of the game in fear that he would be ostracized or worse by the rest of his friends if they found out about his blood color. He's also the second coming of Troll Jesus, and thus, more despised by the Alternian ruling class than a mutant normally would be. For most of his life, he dreamed of nothing more than finding belonging within the society that had deemed him unfit.

Their friendship is something that "should not be." The highblood and the mutant. The royal-v and the off-spectrum. The empress's sea dweller and the second coming of the signless. Eridan "should" see Karkat as a miscreant to cull on sight. Karkat "should" be terrified of Eridan's very existence.

But in reality, Eridan doesn't give a shit about blood color, and Karkat just wants to be accepted. Eridan just wants someone to care about him, and Karkat loves his friends. Aside from Feferi, Eridan is the only highblood who never comments about Karkat's mutant blood, and they were best buddies even before Eridan knew.

Eridan and Karkat getting together isn't JUST the two most undateable trolls on the team finally landing a stable quadrant. These two, moreso than any other pairing, represent the themes of Homestuck. Children growing up, caring about each other, and throwing off the shackles of their old society.

In the pre-retcon timeline, their team failed to do so. This led to Gamzee falling into his highblood clown cult, Equius letting himself and Nepeta die by submitting to his place in the hemospectrum, Vriska killing Tavros because she couldn't allow herself to show weakness, and Eridan completing his caste's dream of genocide. Karkat spent the entire meteor trip and beyond beating himself up about it, since he considered it all to be his fault.

But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, they have the chance to, one by one, redeem themselves. I believe that's how the original ending would have gone: Terezi would ask John to bring Vriska back, because she only feels comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Vriska would then have asked John to bring back Tavros, whom she regretted killing. Tavros would be there for Gamzee, rendering him an ally. Gamzee would ask John to bring back Equius and Nepeta. Equius would ask John to help him not make the same mistakes with Aradia, and Aradiabot would catch John by the wrist and demand he bring her back in time to before she died, allowing her to circumvent her own death and Sollux's guilt. Sollux would ask John to keep him from provoking Eridan, saving Feferi. And Feferi would be pretty ok with the way things were... but KARKAT would then pull John aside, and drop an entire book of mistakes he made on John's lap, and this would result in a finalized timeline where all his friends are alive and god-tiered.

Because all the trolls SHOULD have survived.

Vriska should've survived because people should be allowed to have second chances.

Tavros should've survived because caring about each other, and being willing to show kindness and mercy, are good things.

Gamzee should have survived because people mired in religious fundamentalism and cults deserve to be offered a helping hand.

Equius should've survived because people should be allowed to grow and change their beliefs.

Nepeta should've survived because she was the anti-casteism troll. Casteism is bad, folks! Not only that, but I'm convinced that she was originally going to give the Ultimate Self exposition, and Davepetasprite^2 had to be contrived in the canon ending in order to shortcut Nepeta's character development, ruining it in the process.

Aradia should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team and live a life free of the control of evil uncles and shitty ancestors.

Sollux should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team because we all deserve to heal and be happy.

Feferi should've survived so she could be in a kismesistude with Nepeta, and realize that casteism itself is bad, not just the definition of culling, and then used her Witch of Life powers to even out the lifespans between the next generation of trolls, which needs to happen or else casteism will just happen again as long-lived highbloods inevitably amass power. And, also, it would complete the prophecy Gl'bgolyb gave her that she was intended to unite the two races (dream bubbles don't count, because by that metric, Sollux did more than she did by establishing a connection between the trolls and humans).

And Eridan should've survived, because the harm society has done to us can be undone. We don't have to submit to the roles it imposes, to the laws it wrote, to the abuse it inflicted. We can be free.

I've seen a lot of people who believe that such-and-such character did SUCH awful things that they don't deserve a happy ending. Oftentimes, it's Eridan, but nearly all of the dead trolls have gotten this treatment. So, let me just ask all of you who have gotten this far and still hold that opinion one thing. Do you think that's what Troll Jesus would have wanted?

This is why pale EriKar is so important: for it to happen, Eridan has to make a choice between upholding the beliefs of his shitty society, or pursuing a happier, kinder future, one where he outright rejects the caste system. For it to happen, Karkat has to shake all his insecurities about not being good enough by Alternian standards, and take on the duty of creating something better than what he came from. If pale EriKar happens, it means Eridan and Karkat choose love, not fear. Compassion, forgiveness, and equality.

This choice - this pairing - is the ultimate representation of giving Alternian society one big middle finger. Saying, we don't need you anymore, fuck off! Saying, we reject you at your core; we will choose something better! Saying, we will create a new world, and it will be kinder than the one we came from!

Pale EriKar means LOVE WINS.

Thank you for reading.