#which: true

[nikoisme]

I hate it when people ask me what genre of music i listen to because i genuinely have no clue. It's called Music I Like genre. The best genre out there

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

[fantasmadelaciudad]

i'll be honest thinking about las vegas makes me nauseous.

[daeyumi]

Autumn makes me think of you 🥀

[thestuffedalligator]

So usually when an imaginary friend is a real thing in a story, it’s either a demon or a ghost or some supernatural boogeyman that probably wants to eat the kid they’ve befriended (Mama, a couple of the Paranormal Activity movies), or “imaginary friends” are just treated as a real thing in the setting, and if a child just thinks hard enough they can manifest a friend into existence (Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Happy).

And somewhere in the middle is an area where the imaginary friend in question is real and they are supernatural, but they aren’t malevolent, and they aren’t entirely honest about what they are. Like maybe they’re a fairy or a god or some kind of boggle from mythology, but they just got caught by a six year old and they don’t have time to get into it, so they just go “…Yes. I’m your imaginary friend. We haven’t met. How do you do.” And then they stick around because they do love this kid, and if you’re a boggle from mythology in the modern day good food is really hard to come by.

And at some level. That’s what I think Hobbes is.

[pokemon]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The Wizard Cowboy War (Wizboys VS Cowards) continues on.

[squarecloud73]

*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it

傳達不到的一些東西

Dumb school girl crush

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[badgerclawsaresharp]

trifecta of brennan lee mulligan self-inserts in fantasy high junior year

[gaywineauntsstuff]

I have a REQUEST of non dick Grayson fanfiction writers

If you’re writing a fic and you need a way to write Dick out a la ‘Cass was busy in Hong Kong’ PLEASE MAKE IT THE MOST NONSENSICAL thing I’ve ever read

I wanna see

“Dick was busy fighting the devil in hell… he said he was fine so we’re leaving him be”

“I called dick and he just said no? And hung up?? So I’m guessing he’s busy?”

“ Dick was kidnapped by a space monarch and the titans are trying to bargain for him back… he didn’t do anything wrong they just like him and his wanna keep him”

“He’s stuck in a barrel rn”

“Dick is trapped in a noir film”

“He’s busy at the MET”

“I would call Dick but I think he’s on a remote island battling deathstroke rn and I don’t wanna be involved in all that”

“I would call Dick but he’s in Amazon rainforest and they have bad signal”

Are you seeing the vision? Like I want SILVER AGE NONSENSE FOR MY BOY. Like bro is just chilling firmly OUTSIDE the story

Like Tim is doing his whole angst plotline and he tries to call dick and he gets “hey Timmy would love to stay and chat but I’m being chased by sentient cotton candy and I gotta find a water source love you ciao”

Jason needs Allies and he calls Dick and it’s like “hey sorry would love to help but I’m in an alien deathmatch for the crown of a nation and I’m being attacked by a meat cleaver thing? Bye don’t get blown up again! Love you”

Damian needs a place to chill after Bruce is an asshole “sorry kid would love to help but i am currently in the Gotham sewers being handfed cheesecake don’t ask it’s a long story I’ll tell you when you’re 18 bye”

Babs needs him for something “would love to help but I’m having a tea party with a being beyond comprehension and if I blink I’ll die so send me details and I’ll get back to you when slash if I’m alive in 5-6 business days.”

Bruce calls “I’m herding space cows rn is everyone alive? If not tell me now so I don’t have to find out from a newspaper? No everyone’s fine. Lovely. Delete this number”

[idontmindifuforgetme]

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

[bisexualpercyjacksons]

pjo tv show episode 5 alignment:

[egophiliac]

WAIT when did he get FANGS

[willosword]

Fake, facsimile, forgery.

[lunamugetsu]

The new hire

The Wayne Manor is a very large building with a large list of things that needed tending to. While Alfred takes pride in his ability in being the Wayne family butler, he is not too proud to admit that he does need help in maintaining the manor.

So he hired a part time maid!

A young lady named Jasmine, who is a student at Gotham University and is taking care of her younger siblings.

She's well behaved, doesn't complain, cleans well, doesn't steal, and has enough sass in her to deal with any of the batfamily's attitude.

One time she even stopped a group of burglars all by herself. When Alfred had come to check on her, he was met with the sight of Jazz having tied them up while lecturing them about their life choices and helping them find a better job.

So when he agrees to meeting with Jazz's brother to see if he'd be perfect to help with the jobs that needed heavy lifting or hard work. He is met with a 6'10 very muscled man with sharp teeth and flaming hair.

"This is my... twin brother! Dan!" Jazz introduces the man who Alfred.