#while others still argue for their truth

[tanadrin]

it’s interesting how no religion (with all the caveats the use of that word entails) can resist making cosmological and scientific claims, and that this is true even for very recently invented religions that ought to know the risk of their claims getting debunked is very high. if I were going to start a religion, I would at least make sure it wouldn’t be debunked in my lifetime.

[daddyjackfrost]

In The Woods ; B. Barnes

The truth is stranger than in all my dreams. Oh, the darkness got a hold on me.

Pairing: Thunderbolts!Bucky x Ex-Avengers!F!Reader 

Synopsis: He left you behind to keep you safe, but safety never stopped the heartbreak. Now, a year of grief, silence, and sleepless nights unravel the moment he shows up at your door with his new team—bruised, breathless, begging. You’re angry and he’s sorry, but the love is still there. It always has been. 

Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, y/n is mean & angry (for a bit), bucky is guilty, swearing, ft. thunderbolts, bleeding/injuries, sambucky break-up (mentions), yearning, not dating but a secret third thing, mentions of natasha & her death, y/n is “team sam”, mentions of tfatws (briefly), mentions of hell/religious imagery, violence/blood, SMUT, MDNI, kissing, oral (f), spit, p in v, creampie, unprotected sex (don’t), happy ending, no tb spoliers/ WC: 13.5

A/N: Bucky in Thunderbolts….mind goes brrr. Not helping the SamBucky divorce allegations but alas, anything for the story. Ignore any choppiness in the timeline or story, I wrote this with the worst migraine.

The forest was bleeding.

Not with colour—but silence. With snow falling slow and heavy, catching on branches and burning footprints as fast as they were made. The trees stood like sentinels, black-limed and reaching. Nothing but white, wood, and blood. 

Bucky’s breath came ragged through the hush, fogging the air. His gloved hands were soaked red. Yelena was slung between him and Walker, unconscious but breathing, the warmth of her body slowly seeping through his coat. 

They weren’t going to make it. 

He should have known. He should have been prepared for it, but he hadn’t been. 

“Bob,” Bucky called, voice tight, hoarse. “Stay close.” 

Bob—still limping, still glassy-eyed from the explosion—nodded and trudged forward, boots crunching through the snow. He wasn’t built for this. Not yet. Not like this. Val had shoved him onto the field too soon, too eager. 

Bucky had tried arguing, tried telling her that he was still fragile—a liability—but she hadn’t listened. And Bucky didn’t need more on his plate, but he’d take care of him. Or, at least, he’d try. 

Ava phased in and out ahead, scanning, ghostlike. When she disappeared for a moment too long, Bucky felt the silence of the clearing, tenfold. She was trying to stay ahead of whatever might still be behind them. 

But, Bucky could feel it. He could taste it. 

They were done. Just miles of snow and trees and nowhere to go. 

Yelena was bleeding out and Walker wasn’t any better, wobbling on his legs as he tried to stand up straight. They wouldn’t last long out here, certainly not while dragging each other. 

“Shit,” he muttered, stopping long enough to fumble with the tablet in his pouch. His hands shook—exhaustion, adrenaline, guilt—never ending guilt, swimming in his veins. He tapped into the satellite overlay, breathing hard, as their current location pinged into view. 

Grid 48-F. 

The North woods. Nothing but a snow storm. Cold, empty—remote. No outposts for miles. 

These weren’t woods happy campers visited. Untouched land, ridged and slanted, surrounded them. A perfect place for illegal activity but not so perfect to do the right thing. 

But—there—just there—barely on the edge of the map. 

A single black dot, beeping in and out existence, almost as if a trick of the light, like it wasn’t meant to be found.

His chest caved in around it. 

The coordinates suddenly looked familiar, as did the landscape. He narrowed his eyes, held the tablet up, heart slowing down. 

He knew these coordinates. 

Bucky stared at it for a long, frozen second. 

A place he hadn’t let himself think about in almost a year. 

A place filled with half-buried memories—laughter over old vinyl records, the sound of boots on the porch, a sweet voice telling him to sit as he was cleaned up. Steam curling from a mug handed to him without a word. 

Nights too quiet and long to pretend the tension wasn’t there. That the affection, curling around the wood and into the floorboards, wasn’t there. That the flicker of love, of want, wasn’t soaking into his skin.

Your eyes, warmer than firelight, watching him with a softness he’d never be able to find anywhere else. 

He hadn’t been able to go back. 

Not after deciding to leave you. Not after ignoring your calls when you got back from your mission. Not after telling himself it was for your safety—for your distance, from him and the darkness and chaos that seemed to follow him. 

He’d convinced himself that cutting the cord meant saving you. 

But now? 

Now the cord was pulling him back, wrapped around his neck and tugged, and he couldn’t rip it off even if he tried. 

“Bucky?” Bob’s voice small, nervous. He glanced at Bucky before focusing ahead, cold and wet. 

Bucky looked up, snapped out of it. “We’re not going to the evac point,” he said, voice low yet carrying. “We won’t make it. We’d freeze before the rendezvous got here.” 

“Then where?” Walker grunted. “We’re going to die out here.” 

Bucky hesitated, eyes on the trees, on the white mist curling through the frozen pines.

Finally, he said, “There’s a cabin.” He paused, like it hurt to admit. “It’s not far.” 

He didn’t say who it belonged to. He didn’t say it was the one place in the world he’d once felt safe and at peace. Didn’t say he hated every second of his life since they landed in this cold hell a few hours ago. 

Instead, he just adjusted Yelena’s weight on his shoulder and started moving. 

They reached the edge of the clearing an hour later. 

The sky was bleeding to black now, dim with twilight, blue shadows sinking low between the snowdrifts. The cabin stood half-hidden beneath a thick layer of frost and pine, smoke curling softly from the chimney. Warm light flickered behind the frosted windows.

It felt like a punch to the gut. 

Bucky paused at the treeline and held up a fist. The team crouched, quiet, bodies stiff from cold. He scanned the clearing, fingers twitching at his side. His mouth and eyes went dry. 

He didn’t think you’d be here.  

You hadn’t been the last time he checked. A year ago. After he stopped answering your messages. After he told himself staying away was the only way to protect you from the mess he was about to wade into with Val. 

Just once, last year, in a moment of weakness, he looked for you. Actively searched for you. He just needed to know, just needed to make sure you were okay, safe. He couldn’t find you. Sometimes, he can still feel that raw panic, the way his heart had stopped breathing when he came up empty, the way he had fallen to his knees and clutched at his chest like someone had ripped his heart out of him. 

The smoke was fresh. The path to the shed was shoveled. There were footprints. 

His stomach dropped. 

You were here. 

He turned, eyes on the snow. “Stay put. I’ll clear it.” His voice was low. 

“What if someone’s inside?” Ava asked, curious at Bucky’s shift in behaviour. 

Bucky’s jaw tightened. “Then I’ll handle it.” 

He crossed the snow like a ghost.

Every step was agony. Every crunch of ice beneath his boots cracked open another memory.

The porch creaked under his weight.

His hand slid along the doorframe. He knew exactly where you kept the spare key, the trick to the lock. He’d fixed it once, after you kicked it shut too hard. He remembered the way you’d rolled your eyes and offered him a beer while he worked. 

He didn’t want to break in. 

He didn’t want to disrespect this place, the peace that surrounded it. 

He didn’t want to hurt you again. 

He just—

He just needed somewhere to hide. 

His fingers curled around the doorknob, heart in his throat. You wouldn’t have been able to tell that he was once an assassin, once a killing machine. 

And then—

Click. 

“Don’t move.”

He froze, muscles stilling. 

The cold metal of a rifle barrel touched the base of his skull. It was the first time it had in years. He forgot how hard it was, how chilling. 

“Turn around. Slowly.” 

The voice behind him was sharp, cold, measured—devoid of any emotion and warmth. 

Your voice. 

Bucky turned. 

And there you were. 

Wrapped in flannel and fury. Face hard as ice, sharp eyes, steady behind the sight of your rifle. Your finger on the trigger didn’t even shake. It was steady, pressing. He felt a sliver of fear, something foreign and familiar all at once.

He drank in the sight of you like he was breathing for the first time, like he had been drowning at the foot of an altar and hadn’t known peace, hadn’t known salvation until this moment. 

Your hair was a little longer, circles under your eyes. New, faded scars on your face, under your eyebrow and lips. Same old boots. 

Still exceptionally beautiful as the day he lost you. 

The only thing different was your expression. 

New. 

You didn’t look surprised. Not the way he was. You weren’t drinking him in. 

You looked furious, angry, murderous. 

That, he decided, was the worst part. 

“...Y/n,” he breathed, voice cracking.

You stared at him, eyes like knives. Finger pressing the trigger harder, like you were going to pull. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Barnes?” 

The barrel of your rifle didn’t drop. 

Even as the snow clung to his hair, melting down his jaw. Even as his expression cracked open into something half-empty, half-anxious. 

Even as his lips parted like he might say something real, something soft, something that would make you pull the trigger. 

You didn’t let yourself care, didn’t let yourself even entertain the thought of anything except the press of the barrel into his skin. You couldn’t—couldn’t even take a moment to comprehend that he was in front of you, alive. 

“You’re trespassing,” you said, voice ice-edged and flat, and dangerous. “So either tell me who’s bleeding in the trees or I put one in your leg and call Sam.” 

That hit him. 

It hit him. 

He flinched—subtle, almost imperceptible—but you caught it. Just like you used to catch every other shift in him. The way he’d crack a knuckle when he was anxious. The way his jaw would tighten when he was lying. The way he could never look you in the eyes when he said goodbye.

You clicked the safety off. 

He didn’t even raise his hands. 

“Yelena’s hurt. So is Walker,” he said, voice lower now. Rougher. Sandpaper. “Bob’s with us. We just needed a place to—”

“You think you can just show up here?” 

It came out sharp. Too sharp. Quick, something prickling. 

Something behind your ribs cracked open. A dam you didn’t even realize you were still holding back. You stepped forward, closer, gun still pressing against his forehead. Snow on your boots, fury in your chest, your heart pounding so loud it echoed in your ears. 

He was still standing on your porch. 

Your space. 

A sacred, secret spot you had once shared with him, but no longer. 

You were seething. How fucking dare he?

“I ought to shoot you, you know that? Put a bullet in your arm, maybe your shoulder.” 

“I didn’t know you were here,” he said quickly, eyes on you, like it made it better. “I wouldn’t have—I wasn’t gonna stay. I just—”

“Just what, Bucky?” you snapped. “Thought you’d break in? Treat it like another asset to use up and leave behind? Like you did with me?” 

He could feel his heart crack, his resolve, all the effort he’d put in himself to forget you, all came crashing down. He felt small, guilty. 

He didn’t even think about his team, the ones watching him from the treeline, taking in this new version of him. They’d never seen him stand so still, so disarming. 

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Swallowed thickly. 

His shoulders curled in just a little. Like he’d been waiting for this. Like it still hurt more than he expected. 

Your hands shook, once. His eyes fell on them before lifting, piercing into yours. You lowered the rifle only because you didn’t trust yourself not to pull the trigger on accident. 

And then—movement. A shuffle behind the trees. 

Bucky turned his head slightly, called out, “Come on out.”

You watched as Bob stepped into view first, arms braced under John’s weight. Blood stained the sleeve of Walker’s coat, and his jaw was clenched with pain. Ava phased beside them a second later, hauling Yelena, unconscious and pale, her forehead slick with blood. 

Your stomach turned. You swallowed the bile. You knew them, or, knew of them. Although you had removed yourself from society as best you could, you still kept in touch. Listening, watching.

They looked like shit, like they’d been through hell. 

But you didn’t look at them, not really. 

You looked at Bucky. Watched the way his lips turned down at the sight of them in concern. 

It made you sick that part of you still cared. 

That the sight of Yelena’s crumpled form made you shove the pain down into your gut. That instinct took over and you stepped aside, jerking your head toward the door. 

“Inside. Now.” 

Bucky didn’t move, not right away. 

Maybe he was stunned, or trying to think of something to say. 

But you didn’t wait. You turned your back on him—on all of them—and pushed the cabin door wide. 

The warmth hit you like a slap, familiar and inviting yet surprising. 

The fire was still crackling in the hearth. Your mug of half-finished tea sat forgotten on the windowsill. The cabin smelled like pine and old wood and the lilac cleaner you used on the floors just that morning.

It smelled like you. 

And then they all stumbled in, dragging the snow and blood and silence behind him. 

Ava pulled Yelena onto the couch. Bob dragged Walked across the carpet, propped him up somewhere. He hovered close, face pale, eyes wide. You moved fast—medical kit from the cabinet, extra blankets from the trunk, towels tossed in the sink. 

Your movements were sharp, precise. Practiced and automatic. 

You didn’t look at Bucky. 

You didn’t need to. 

You could feel him behind you, like a storm gathering behind your spine. Like a memory clawing up your throat. 

Your voice was low when you finally broke the silence.

“This place isn’t a fucking outpost.” 

“I know,” Bucky said quietly. Almost like he couldn’t believe you’d think he’d disrespect this place, one that had once been so kind to him. 

“Then why the hell are you here?” 

“I didn’t have a choice.” 

You snorted. “There’s always a choice.” 

His voice cracked, desperate. “I didn’t think you’d be here.” 

“Yeah?” You turned, eyes meeting his briefly, hard and angry. “You make a habit of not thinking and being an idiot?” 

The silence after was thick enough to drown in. 

And he felt it. Drowning, deeper and deeper. 

“They’re good people.” It’s all he could say.

“Don’t care.” You did. You couldn’t help yourself, because they hadn’t done anything to wrong you—except Walker—but even then. Their past had no relevance to you. You’d take care of them. It was who you were. 

“I just… I thought—”

“What, Bucky?” you snapped eyes narrowed, voice shaking. “What did you think would happen? That I’d open the door and thank you? That I’d be so grateful for the ghost of you showing up on my fucking doorstep that I’d forget everything else?”

He flinched again. Didn’t try to defend himself.

Good. He shouldn’t.

You stepped toward him, close enough that he could feel the heat of your fury.

“I waited, you know. After I got back. I waited. Every goddamn day. Thought you’d call. Thought you’d explain. But you didn’t. You just disappeared. Like none of it meant anything.”

Bucky’s eyes burned.

“It meant everything,” he said, voice low. Raw.

You shook your head. “Too late.”

He wanted to say something else—there was so much to say, so much to apologize for, but you moved away from him, left him standing near the kitchen. He felt something crack at the distance, which was funny, he mused painfully. 

For a year, he spent thousands of miles away from you, but he hadn’t felt the distance—the loss—till now. Everything inside him was aching and his hands curled into fists as he watched you, eyes burning into your back. 

You worked in silence. 

Yelena’s breathing was shallow but steady, her wound cleaned and wrapped beneath layers of gauze and tape. She hadn’t woken yet, but the colour was beginning to return to her face. You tucked another blanket around her, brushing damp hair back from her forehead with a gentleness that surprised even you. 

There was something about her, something so achingly familiar in the way she held herself, even unconscious. She had a scar, a small faded one right on her chin. Briefly, your mind flashed to Natasha, of a story she told you years and years ago about her sister and a stapler. 

Bob hovered nearby like a kicked dog—wide eyes, oversized hoodie stained with someone else’s blood. His hands trembled as he offered a clean towel, his lip caught between his teeth. 

You took it from him carefully, fingers brushing his.

“Thank you,” you murmured. Your voice dipped, just for him, something softer and inviting, like you knew who he was, what he had done, and decided he deserved kindness anyways. 

His face lip up like a spark had caught in his chest and he smiled bashfully before he looked away. 

Ava sat perched on the arm of a chair, arms crossed. Her eyes tracked every move you made, sharp but not hostile. Just watchful, trying to familiarize herself with you. You caught her eye and nodded at her. She nodded back. Quiet understanding passed, soldier to soldier. 

Then you turned to Walker. 

He was half-reclined on the floor near the fire, jacked peeled off, blood soaking the side of his shirt. Bob had done what he could—pressure, bandages—but the bleeding hadn’t fully stopped. 

You knelt beside him, jaw locked. You didn’t speak at first, rage bubbling in your throat. Just the sight of him, of his battered face made you angry, made you remember the way things were, back when Walker was the biggest pain in your ass, before Bucky had left. 

He winced when you pressed against the gauze. 

“You know,” you said, voice low, steady, “I ought to let you bleed out. If it were up to me, you’d be lying in the snow somewhere, half-dead.” 

He didn’t respond, just looked at you through gritted teeth. 

You didn’t look away. You wondered if he was remembering it—the violence, the hatred. The man he was, and very well may be. Growth can’t be disguised under darker clothes and new management. 

Resentment lingers—you’d know. 

“You’re lucky I give more of a shit about him,” you added, nodding toward Bob. “And Yelena. That’s the only reason I haven’t thrown your ass back into the cold.” 

Walker’s jaw tightened. “Yeah. I got that.” 

You peeled back the soaked bandage with clinical detachment. You didn’t even bother to be gentle.

Across the room, Bucky flinched. 

He was leaning against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest, a storm in his eyes. He felt a flicker of something—regret, guilt—familiar, so fucking familiar, as he watched you. Your shoulders were rigid, tight with restraint. 

You disliked John, you always had. Before, you had fought with him about his morals, about the way he held himself and the shield. Bucky had stood behind you, behind Sam. He had agreed. 

There was something borderline repulsive about the scene in front of him, of you cleaning up John Walker as Bucky watched with mild concern and his friend—Sam—was nowhere to be found. 

He wondered if you found it disgusting, who he had become and who he had decided to work alongside. He’d understand. He hated himself most days, too. 

You handed Bob another towel. 

“Keep pressure here,” you instructed, something softer in your voice as you addressed Bob. “Don’t let him bleed through it again.” 

Bob nodded, instantly obedient. 

You turned away.

Bucky followed you with his eyes like he couldn’t help it. Like he hadn’t been starved of you for too long. Like he had any right. 

You moved past Ava, brushing her shoulder. “You hurt?” 

She shook her head. “Just bruised.” 

“Bathroom’s through the back,” you said. “Towels under the sink. You can clean up.” 

She looked at you, eyes narrowing like she wasn’t sure how to read your tone. But she nodded once and stood, disappearing down the hallway. 

And then—silence again. 

Except for the fire. And Bob whispering something to Walker, Yelena’s slow, shallow breaths.

You turned, arms crossed, lips turned downwards. 

And finally—finally—you looked at Bucky. You silently begged your heart not to give out.

He was bigger, healthier. Gaunter around the eyes. His hair was longer, curling at the ends, damp with snowmelt. His coat was torn. Knuckles scabbed over. Metal hand twitched like he wanted to reach for something—someone. 

You didn’t let yourself soften—not at the look in his eyes, not at the way his entire body looked like it was a second away from giving out. 

“You can take the cot,” you said, jerking your head toward the corner. “If you think you’ll sleep.” 

It was a low-blow, something petty and mean, bringing attention to his trouble with sleeping, but it was all you had. Just these quips, the coldness in your voice. It was all you could throw at him, all you had since he had taken everything else—your trust, heart, and smile. 

“I—” He cleared his throat, hoarse. “I’m sorry.” It wasn’t enough, and came out too quickly, too quietly. It was too heavy, too weightless. 

You scoffed, eyes shifting to the floor before meeting his. “Fuck off.” 

Bucky’s mouth opened, then closed again. 

You turned your back to him. 

It was past midnight when Yelena stirred. 

You were sitting at her side, fresh gauze in your hands, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest. It had been steady for hours—but now, her fingers twitched, lashes fluttered. Her body went still before she relaxed. 

“Yelana?” you murmured, trying to keep your voice soft, safe. 

She blinked slowly, disoriented, as her pupils adjusted to the low light of the fire. Her mouth moved, cracked lips forming words you couldn’t hear. 

“Hey,” you leaned in. “You’re okay. You and your team are safe.” 

Her gaze drifted, found your face. Her eyes drifted along your skin, taking in your features. Recognition flashed in them before they moved to the room behind you. 

“...we made it?” she rasped, voice hoarse and dry. 

You nodded, features softening a bit at the slight accent in her voice. It reminded you of Nat’s, the way it slipped out sometimes, because of certain words, when she felt safe. 

“Bled all over my floor, but yeah.” 

A small, broken laugh escaped her and she winced immediately, bringing a hand to her ribs.

“Try not to move,” you said gently. “You’ll ruin my fine patch job.” 

She was quiet for a beat before she lifted her eyes, lips curled downwards. “You were her friend, weren’t you?”

You blinked in surprise, lips parting. You had heard about Yelena from Nat, near the end. During the blip, when she had decided that she had kept enough to herself, she told you about her little sister. You never thought you’d get to meet her.

“I was,” you swallowed. “We were good friends.” 

“She told me about you,” Yelena said, quietly, like it was a secret. “Just once. Told me I could come to you for anything.” 

Your heart tightened in your chest and you nodded, trying for a smile. “Yeah. You could—can.” 

Something dark, a mixture of grief and anger bubbled in Yelena’s chest and you saw it, saw the way it pulled at her from her hair. It was familiar, a feeling you knew well. “She talked about you,” you offered, trying to pull her out of her own mind. “She loved you.” 

“Yeah,” Yelena swallowed, “I know.” 

You patted her shoulder gently before pushing yourself up. Her hand caught your wrist and you looked down, eyebrows raised. 

“I didn’t know,” she whispered. 

You crouched down. “Know what?” 

“That you’re her.” 

You frowned, tilting your head in question. “Her?” 

Yelena’s eyes lingered on your face, tracing your scars and the bridge of your nose. “The one he never talks about.” 

Your breath caught, and your eyes widened, just a bit, but enough. You said nothing. 

“He’s in love with you, you know.” She winced as she tried to sit up. “He doesn’t know how not to be.” She paused, glancing at your trembling fingers. “It leaks out of him.” 

Your jaw clenched and you looked away, heart falling to your stomach and fingers curled. She watched as you kept your eyes on the fire, hating how dry your throat had gotten. 

“I’ll check on you in a bit,” you said finally, quietly. “Try to sleep.”

She didn’t protest, just smiled softly before shutting her eyes. 

They were all asleep by two, or pretending. But it was quiet, tense, something weighed. 

Walker was sprawled ungracefully on the rug, arm bandaged and elevated, snoring softly. Bob had curled up in the armchair, long limbs tucked close, face peaceful.  Ava took the cot near the back wall, one leg bouncing softly until it stilled.

And Bucky—

Bucky sat in the kitchen, silent, staring into the dark like it held answers he hadn’t earned. It was too overwhelming—being here. There were memories, soft laughter and lingering touches that had crawled into the crevices of the wood, peeled the stains back until the entire cabin felt smaller, haunted. In the warmth of the kitchen, the wood groaning under his weight, he felt like he could have done it. 

He could have stayed. Could have fought off Val for you, kept you out of the limelight. 

He could have fought harder. 

He should have fought harder. 

He doesn’t know what that made him—a coward, maybe. Someone afraid. He had grown, gone to therapy and made friends, but the fear, the curling of unworthiness in his bones would never leave. He knew that. 

He stared down at the table, eyes focusing on the swirls and edges of the wood. His herbal tea, the one you had forced them all to drink, was sitting cold in front of him. He was glad you hadn’t given him the one he used to drink—the exotic ones, ones he’d never heard of and couldn’t imagine. It would have felt like holy water in hell, something condemning and horrid, but sweet all the while. 

You slipped on your boots and coat and eased the front door open, letting the cold bite at your face. The stars above were clear, silver on black. The trees whispered in the distance, inviting. 

Bucky heard the door open and froze, stilled as he stared into the open space. 

You sat on the porch steps and pulled the knife from your side pocket. 

It was old now, worn. The handle smooth from your thumb, the constant rubbing and brushing.

You’d never stopped carrying it. 

Sam had found it at a vintage store. “Some kind of weird sentimental symbolism,” he’d said, when he gave it to you. “Sharp. Pointed. Quiet. Soft around the edges. Like you.” Bucky had added your initials to the leather sheath in his own careful scrawl. 

You used to carry it just to remember the two of them. When you were on long missions, when they had stumbled into some trouble far away—when it was quiet. 

Now, you carried it because it was all you had left.

You pressed your thumb into the base of the blade, not enough to break skin, but just enough to feel something—to wake you up if this was a bad dream. It felt like one. It felt strange, like you could guess the ending but it changed every time you searched for it, when the flicker of want, of fear, grew larger. 

The cabin behind you creaked softly, weight shifting and the wind howling. 

You didn’t turn. Didn’t need to. 

His footsteps were heavier now. Not loud, but familiar—measured, hesitant. A bit like when he first arrived here, years ago. The way he never pressed his full weight into the wood until he grew comfortable, until he was sure that the wood—that you—could support him. 

He sat beside you.

Not too close, but closer than he had been in a year. The porch was old pine and groaned beneath his weight, like the cabin couldn’t help but mimic the sadness that dwelled in you—in the absence of him. 

You stared at the trees, eyes fluttering shut briefly as the cold wind brushed against your skin. The moonlight was sharper now, illuminating you both perfectly, a silent spectacle for the Gods. 

The knife gleamed in your palm like it could split you open. Something was tearing apart. 

“It’s…colder than I remember,” Bucky said, after a long silence. 

You said nothing.

A part of you wanted to lunge at him, plunge the knife into his heart and ask him if it hurts, if the pain measures to your own. You gripped the hilt of the knife tighter, looked at a tree where a gun was hidden. 

He exhaled slowly, white breath curling in the air as his nose twitched. “I didn’t know you’d be here.” He said it like it made it better, like he knew you were bleeding out and these words were all he could offer, little bandaids he kept on hand. 

“Yeah,” you said, voice sharp and bitter. “You’ve mentioned that.” 

He rubbed his hands together, flesh and metal and yet he hadn’t felt warmth in months, years—whenever he touched you last. A brush against your shoulder, knees bumping under the blanket. 

“You shouldn’t’ve been.” 

You turned sharply, eyes narrowed into slits. He almost moved back. “You think you get to decide where I go now?” Your hold on the knife tightened, slipped into place. 

“No—” 

“Because last I checked,” you interrupted, “you lost that right. When you ghosted me. When you walked away from Sam and into fucking politics. When instead of taking her down, you joined up with Val fucking Fontaine and turned into some New Avenger.” 

You were seething, jaw clenched as the words came out like bullets. Your fingers twitched around the blade and you almost, almost, lifted it, just to see what he would do. You were angry, so fucking angry, and hurt, and worried, and—God—Why was he staring at you like that? 

“I was trying to protect you,” Bucky said quietly, a whisper that floated into the wind. 

“Don’t,” you snapped. “Don’t you dare say that to me.” 

He looked down, hair falling across his face as his fingers curled into fists. 

“Do you know what it felt like?” You whispered, voice cracking, mentally blaming the cold. “Coming home after six months to find no one there? I saw Sam. He looked at me like I’d been buried alive. And then I had to ask about you and he just—he looked so tired. Like he didn’t have any energy left.” 

Your grip on the knife loosened but his shoulders tensed, pinched together like he was trying to keep himself still. 

“Sam was busy with the government and he had Joaquin and I…I had no one.” You inched forward, wanting him to see the look in your eyes. “I called you. Every day. Texted you, sent voice messages. I got nothing. Nothing, Buck. Not even a fuck-you.” 

Bucky couldn’t breathe, he was sure he had stopped breathing the moment he sat down but now his chest hurt, his eyes stung and his fingers twitched. “I couldn’t,” he said, almost begging, his voice cracking.

“I couldn’t.” 

You finally turned your full body toward him. If this conversation was finally happening, maybe for the last time ever, you wanted to be present for it. If he was truly going to rip your heart out of your chest, you wanted him to have a clear shot. “Why not?” 

He met your eyes—red, bright blue, and so exhausted. 

“Because Val knew about you.” 

Your stomach twisted. The way he said it—haunted, like it was the worst thing in the world, like he’d never been more shaken. 

“She knew everything. She had a file, your name. Where you trained, where you came from. She knew. And she told me…if I didn’t cooperate, if I didn’t step in line, she’d make you vanish.” 

You stared at him, lips parting in surprise. The air thinned around you. It was less about what he said and more about the way he said it, the way he panted out the words, like they’d been taking so much space in his body. 

“She said it like she was doing me a favour,” he whispered. “Like she was giving me an option. I knew what she was capable of. I’ve seen what her people do, Y/n.” 

“So you left,” you breathed out. “Without a word.” 

“It was the only way to keep her away from you,” he said, his eyes pleading. You had to understand—understand that he’d do anything to keep you safe. “I had to disappear from your life. I thought…if I stayed gone long enough, she’d think you didn’t matter.” 

Your throat closed, anger bubbling into something colder—grief. “I did matter.” 

“I know,” he said, eyes piercing into yours, pink lips pulled into a frown. “Christ, I know. Don’t you think I’ve thought about it every day? Don’t you think I regret it? I thought I was saving you. But I was just…just a fucking coward.” 

Silence—the woods watched, trees listened. 

The stars did not blink, just stayed still, offering as much comfort as they could.

You breathed in the fresh air, trying to get your blood circulating. Your pulse pounded in your chest and you wiped at your face, angry and so fucking sad. All you wanted was to live in your anger forever, to keep it at the surface and present, but here he was, hands trembling, telling you how far he had gone to keep you safe.

“I missed you,” you admitted, softly. “Every day. Even when I was angry.” 

Bucky turned toward you, jaw clenched. His hand reached out before he dropped it. His eyes were wide and bright and sorry. 

You looked down at the knife. “I came here, once. After you left. I thought maybe being here would help. That I could feel close to you.” 

He swallowed hard, dug his nails into his palm. 

“But it just…just made it worse. Every corner. Every stupid crevice. You’re in all of it.” You paused, a small smile, filled with everything but warmth. “Ended up staying. What does that say about me?”

He looked small, like he might shatter. Like the weight of your words was too much, like his superhuman strength was nothing against them. 

“I wanted my best friend,” you said, voice small. It was easier to be like this—sad, fucking pathetic, and angry, with him. It always had been. “I needed you, Buck. And you weren’t there.” 

“I wanted to be,” his words came tumbling out, hurried and harsh. “You think I didn’t want to break every fucking rule and come running the second I saw your name pop up on my screen? I wanted to call, to explain. But Val—she had eyes. I thought if I held out long enough, she’d lose interest.” 

“She didn’t,” you mused. “She sent you here.” 

Bucky looked startled, exhaled sharply, like he hadn’t considered it. This whole time—he thought it was a coincidence. His bad fucking luck. But it was Val—of course. That scared him, made him want to pick up his team and leave you, the sooner he left the further Val got to you. 

“I shouldn’t’ve come.” 

“No,” you said, softer, a bit surprised at your immediate answer. “But I’m glad you did.” 

He looked at you, startled. His eyes, so blue, so bright, widened a fraction. 

You wiped at your eyes again, trying to brush away the feelings that had bubbled out of your chest and out in the open, dancing across your skin.

“Because now you get to see what you left behind…and I—I get to see you. Alive.” 

Bucky’s breath caught and his fingers shook. His shoulders dropped and a part of you, a small, horrible part of you relished in it. Briefly, but it pleased you. 

“You’re my best friend,” he said, like a confession. Like it meant something else, something he thought about, something that burned bright and warm in his veins every night. “That’s the problem. I had to walk away.”

He said it with heat—desperation.

Please, he was saying, understand—I love you. 

You looked at him then, fully, completely. And for the first time in nearly a year, your anger cracked, just a little—then crumbled, until it fell off you like rain. It was still there, soaking into your skin, but slid off. 

“Then stop walking away,” you whispered, responding to the words he wasn’t saying but was leaking out of him. “If I’m your best friend,”—if you love me—“stay. Stop running.” 

The words found a life of their own, stumbled out of your mouth before you could catch them, before you could measure their consequences—they fell along Bucky’s skin like snow, soft and beautiful and cold and unseen. 

The moon above you was heavy and silver and listening—waiting, glowing, yearning.

The silence stretches on, hovers softly over the snow, a blanket over the cold. 

You don’t say anything for a long time. 

Not after you ask him to stay. 

There’s just the knife in your hand and the throb in your chest and the goddamn moon staring down at you like she knows, like she understands—despite your embarrassment, the hole in your chest that was once filled with anger and pride and hurt. Now hollow, remnants of it all dried and crisp. 

And then—

You laugh. 

It’s not soft, not amused. It’s empty, something clipped. 

“I can’t believe I just asked you to stay,” you admit, bitter and in disbelief. “I’m your best friend. Right. You care about me so much I had to grieve you.” 

He flinches, chin tipping downwards. 

You’re on your feet before you even realize it, pacing the porch like it’s the only way to stay upright. You had imagined having this conversation with him hundreds of times, all different. When you had come back and Sam told you he didn’t know where Bucky was, your entire life fell apart. Sometimes, on bad days, you can still feel the ache in your chest. 

For a moment, a day, a week, a while, you had thought you had lost him. Until he turned up on your fucking television. 

 “I lit a candle for you in some tiny church in Madrid. Did you know that?” you spit. “I thought you were dead. Or worse—I thought you’d become someone I didn’t recognize.” Your eyes met his and they fell along his suit, the black, the A that had once meant so much to you. 

“I’m not sure I recognize you now.” 

Bucky doesn’t say anything—can’t. His heart is beating out of his chest and he’s blinking too fast. He never meant for this to happen—never wanted you to be in pain because of him. 

“I hated you,” you whisper into the air. “But I never stopped—” You stopped, swallowed the words, the ache. “You don’t get to say that to me. Best friend? Please.” 

“You always have been,” he said, quietly. “Even when I tried to forget you.” 

You whirled on him, a flicker of anger raging in your eyes. “And what? I’m supposed to be grateful? Being your best fucking friend? Like it didn’t crush me? Like it’s enough?” 

“No,” he responds, throat dry. “I don’t expect that.” He knows, he fucking knows. 

“Then what do you want, Bucky? Forgiveness? Closure? You want to cry under the stars and say you’re sorry and pretend like that makes it better?” You can’t breathe, fingers trembling. 

“No.” 

“Then what?” 

Bucky stood slowly, took a step forward—didn’t reach for you. 

“I just wanted you to know,” his voice is so quiet, his breath warm and cheeks pink. “That I never stopped choosing you. Even when it looked like I didn’t.” He moved closer, needed you to see him, hear him. 

“You have been, and always will be, my first choice. Even if it won’t lead me to you.”

You look away, shaking and eyes shining. “I didn’t—don't—want your protection. I wanted you.” 

I always have, you didn’t say. 

“I know,” he says, voice breaking and heart heavy. “I know that now.” 

You wanted to hit him—to kiss him. You wanted to break every bone in your body until the pain matched the ache in your chest, just so it could feel real. 

You pressed your palms to your eyes, feeling too much and pathetic and like the facade you had tried to bolt into place for months was slipping. “You let me think you didn’t care.”

“I thought it would make it easier.” He was close now, his body heat caressing yours, inviting and sorry. 

“It didn’t.” 

“I was trying to keep you safe.” 

“I’m not made of glass,” you hissed. “I’m not something fragile. Stop acting like I am.” 

“I know that,” he admits, voice gruff and shaking. “I know how strong you are. That’s never been the problem.” 

“Then what is?” Why couldn’t he just say it—how many years had passed in this dance, in this slow waltz you both were determined to participate in. 

Bucky looks at you and your heart skipped a breath. He heard it, almost smiled, but he was lost in your eyes, in the way they glowed and were on him. 

“I don’t get to keep good things,” he says, words coming out like glass in his throat. 

“I don’t get forever, Y/n. I don’t get safe. I don’t get to love something without watching it get taken from me.” 

You stopped breathing, head tilting back as he moved closer, lips parted. His words collided into your chest, ripped through layers and layers of skin until they sat heavily on your bones, pried their way inside your heart. 

“You think I was protecting you? I was protecting me.” His hands were fists at his side. “Because the second I saw her file, the second Val mentioned your name, all I could think about was you bleeding out somewhere—and it being my fault.” 

His voice cracks—hard, raw. He’s looking at you like he’s never going to see you again, like he’s at the crossroads and at any moment, he’ll be dragged to hell. The way the damned look an angel, in yearning and mourning.

“I couldn’t lose you,” he whispered. “So I walked away.”

You shook your head, fingers uncurling and curling. “So you lived with a ghost.” 

He nodded, solemn. “Better than your blood on my hands.” 

“And what about me?” You snapped. “What about what I had to live with? You think it didn’t kill me, wondering why I wasn’t enough to stay for? Why Sam and I weren’t?” 

His whole body tensed and his breathing hitched. 

“I would’ve rather had you,” you said, words trembling. “Ruined. Broken. Afraid. I would’ve taken every messy fucking day, every stupid risk, every scar. I wanted you. I didn’t want safety.” 

Bucky’s quiet for a long time. 

His shoulders shake once—twice. 

With stark apprehension, your eyes widened—- he’s crying. 

Not softly, but like it’s wrenching out of him. Like the pain has been festering for years, decades, even. Like he’s refused to feel any emotion for so long that now, it’s tearing out of him. 

You don’t move—can’t. You’ve never seen Bucky cry before—not when Steve left, not when his nightmares had him yelling in his sleep. 

He didn’t ask for comfort. 

You stood still. 

“I kept thinking,” he said, through the tears, absolutely wrecked, “that maybe if I left early on, it wouldn’t hurt as much.” 

“Did it help?” You asked quietly, resisting the urge to rub his arm. 

He shook his head. “I’ve never been more miserable.” 

You’re both quiet again. 

Just the wind now, the trees. 

He sat back down, slowly, like the weight of it all is too much. 

After a long, long beat—you sat too. 

The knife is still in your hand.

You don’t touch him. He doesn’t try. 

He just sits there, eyes red, face raw. A man undone. 

And for the first time in a year, the silence between you is not empty. 

It’s full—of pain, history, of the soft, slow pulse of something broken that still wants to live.

The silence stretched again—different, not bitter. Just tired. 

The kind of quiet that lived after grief has passed itself, after all the screaming is done. What remained is ache, the king you can breathe through, if you sit still long enough. 

You stared at the woods, the snow drifting off the trees. Your fingers curled tight around the knife.

“I kept it,” you said, suddenly. Filling the silence. “The knife.”

Bucky turned his head slightly, eyes falling on the metal in wonder. 

You traced your thumb over the hilt. “You and Sam gave it to me after Belgium. Said I earned it, saved both your asses. A gift.” 

“You did,” he murmured, licking his lips. 

You almost smiled.

Instead, you nodded towards the woods. “I took it on this last mission.” 

Bucky’s quiet for a beat, then, “What happened?” 

You don’t answer right away—breath curling in the cold. “I don’t know if I want to tell you.” 

His voice is gentle, understanding. “That’s okay.” 

You shifted, momentarily uncomfortable, knife balanced on your knee. 

“I was in Kaltag,” you said, finally. “Started as intel extraction. Easy, in and out. But it wasn’t. Not even close.” 

Bucky hated how haunted you sounded, how winded, even after a year, you seemed to be. Like you weren’t sure if you had outrun the threat, or if it loomed behind you still. 

You swallowed and ran your hand through your hair. “It went on for three months longer than it should’ve. I lost my whole team.” 

You could feel him tense, the way the guilt inside and around him increased tenfold. 

“I made it out,” you said softly, reminding him and yourself that you were okay. “But it was close.”

He turned slightly, not touching you, but near. Closer than before. 

You tried to ignore how good it felt, how it immediately eased the tension in your own shoulders. 

“When I got back to New York,” you continued, “I called you, first thing. I couldn’t think about anything else. Just—telling you I was alive.”

He closed his eyes, jaw clenched

You wrapped your arms around your knees and rested your cheek against your arm, eyes on him. He looked so beautiful, so tortured as he sat there, listening to you. 

“I left you a voicemail. Told you I missed you.” 

“I listened to it,” he said, hoarsely, pained. 

“I almost wish you hadn’t.” 

He opened his mouth before shutting it. He couldn’t argue—not when your voicemails, your voice, kept him sane for so long. It was the only physical thing he had of you. 

You pressed your lips together when the wound felt like cracking open again.

He pressed his hand to his mouth, exhaled hard. “I’m sorry.” 

You nodded once, expecting it. Taking it better than you did earlier. 

He glanced towards the cabin, peeking inside. You followed his gaze.

“Your team,” you started. “They’re good people.” 

Bucky shook his head. “Not exactly.” 

You shrugged, the ghost of a smile passing by your lips.

“Yeah. Maybe not good. But…they’re trying. I think.” 

He nodded then. “Yeah. They are.” 

There was something in his voice, something soft and vulnerable and uncomfortable. “You care about them.” 

He paused, like he didn’t like how fast he might’ve answered. “I do.” 

You traced the knife again. It felt a bit like your spine–rigid, cold, worn out. You glanced at him once, just to understand, to dig the pain in further. “Are you happy?” Your voice is soft, almost serene. “You said you were miserable but did you find something with them? Something you didn’t have before?”

Bucky looked at you, his whole body stiffening. There’s more beneath your words, he hears it. The sharp edge of grief, of doubt. He doesn’t answer immediately because the truth is—he doesn’t know. He hasn’t thought about himself, about his wants or his feelings in months. 

You were braced for it—the soft, diplomatic lie. Bucky missed you, you knew that. He missed Sam too, even if he hadn’t said it. But you saw the way his eyes narrowed when one of them winced. It was a look you were more than familiar with—what you weren’t familiar with—was not being on the other end of it. 

He clears his throat and looks up, his eyes twinkling under the starlight. “It’s not the same.” 

You looked at him, wary. He sounded older, exhausted. 

“It’s good. They’re good,” he said. “But it’s not the same. Not even close.” His throat was clogged with sadness, with nostalgia. 

You turned away, tried to breathe. You hated how he could get you like this, all unraveled and messy. He was the only one who ever could. 

Bucky waited. Then said, gently, “It’s okay.” 

You shook your head, gripped the knife tighter. “No, it’s not.” 

“It’s okay to ask me.”

You blinked, knife slipping slowly from your hand. You both had said so much tonight, opened the floor to feelings and anger and questions neither of you had ever thought you’d get to. It felt a bit like going in circles, like he couldn’t help but keep you safe and you couldn’t help but hate him for it over, and over again. 

“To wonder,” he added. “You can ask. You always could.” 

You gripped the knife tighter and your lips trembled, partly due to the cold and partly due to the weight of what you wanted to ask.

Were you ever going to come back? You wanted to ask, scream into the air. Did you find a new family? 

Bucky breathed in deeply, closed his eyes. When he opened them, he turned his head to look at you. His eyes were bright, earnest. “I’ve only ever belonged to one place,” he said, softly. “One person.” 

His words, wrapped in gentle warmth, brushed against your skin and you froze, stilled as your eyes widened a bit. 

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” 

Something quiet, a mixture of grief and love and sadness paints across his face and the corners of his lips quirk upwards momentarily, like he imagined this conversation, but not like this. 

“I’ve never meant anything more.” 

The knife dropped slightly in your lap. You wanted to believe him. Wanted to take his words and cradle them to your chest, coo at them. 

But your heart was still wrapped in barbed wire, hands bloody as you tried to keep him at arm's length. 

There’s a long, still beat. 

“What about this mission?” You cleared your throat, tried to push the warmth away with your cold breath.

“What brought you here?”

Bucky exhaled and looked out over the snow. His jaw flexed and he ran a hand through his hair. It was longer, parted and freshly cut. He looked so good. You looked away. 

“There was a compound,” he started. “Hidden in the mountains. Yelena had a lead. Val gave the green light, but the intel was wrong.” 

He shook his head, looking years older and frustrated—jaw tight.

“It was a trap. A set-up. Ava nearly got blown apart. Yelena and Walker took shrapnel. Bob was doing well but then he panicked. We barely got out.” 

You looked at him then, quietly stunned. He sounded like a proper leader, someone who cared. He sounded a bit like a Sergeant and a small—large—part of you almost winced in pain. You always knew he was a leader, despite following Steve everywhere. It was who he was, a man who took the lead, control, when he had too. 

“And then you came here.”

His voice dipped, a little bashful. “Didn’t realize where I was at first. Not until I checked the coordinates again.” 

“And when you did?” 

His eyes were glasser now, glowing brightly, like your very own temptation. “I didn’t want to.” 

“But you did.” 

He nodded, solemn. “Because I knew it was the only place they’d be safe.” 

You understood, in retrospect. He was right. You knew this terrain, and had heard whispers of the death that followed. It’s why you chose this place for solitude, not just anyone can survive in a place like this. 

“I would’ve helped, you know.” You brought your knees to your chest. “Even if you weren’t there.” 

He nodded, like it was obvious. “I know.”  You’re a good person. The best he knows. But he was a coward and he was selfish and there was a part of him that would have done anything to see you, even if it meant shooting himself in the foot.

There’s a long pause—seems to welcome itself between every moment. 

And then—his voice breaks a little, vulnerable. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You don’t look at him. You can feel the fire melting. It’s all gone and now he’s smothering the burned ambers, making sure there isn’t anything left. 

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Bucky said, again, harder, wetter. “For all of it. For walking away. For staying away. For not calling. For letting you think—” 

“Stop, Buck.” 

He stopped, eyes wild and lips parted. You stared out at the snow, the rising light. You often stayed awake until sunrise, but you had barely done it with company. 

“What’s done is done. And you can’t fix it.” You paused, pretended not to notice his full-body flinch. “Not with words, at least.” 

“I know.” He sounded so defeated, like he was about to be dragged away and he was using his last breath on this, on apologizing, even if it didn’t mean anything to you. 

You glanced down at your hands, brushed your thumb across the engraving. It was still warm, still smelled like him if you pretended long enough. “But,” you almost smiled, “thank you. For apologizing. It’s a start.” 

Bucky released a short breath and his eyes gleamed. He nodded and slowly—so slowly—you let your shoulder brush his. 

Just barely—enough. The first touch between you both in a year, something soft and passing, weightless, but so incredibly heavy. 

His breath stuttered and he froze, almost as if his stillness could convince you to do it again. 

You don’t say anything. 

Neither does he. 

The sun began to rise, gold light spilling over the trees. It touched your porch, your boots, the blade of your knife. The world around you began to glow. 

And for the first time in a long time, you both felt warm—not whole, but alive. Like there was meaning now, like maybe, just maybe—you could start again.

The morning came quietly. 

Fog clung to the trees like ghosts reluctant to leave, coiled through the branches and rolling over the forest floor. It muffled the sounds of birds and leaves, wrapped the cabin in a kind of hush—a sacred, fragile peace. You didn’t sleep, just sat near the front window for most of the night, listened to the crackle of the dying fire, feeling Bucky’s presence behind you like static in the air. 

When you finally stepped outside, the grass was slick with dew. Cold bit at your ankles through your boots. You made your usual perimeter check—like muscle memory, a prayer. 

It wasn’t until you circled behind the old shed, half-hidden in undergrowth, that you noticed it. Something thin and taut stretched between two trees—nearly invisible unless the light caught it just right. 

Infrared wire. Trip-triggered—directional. 

Your heart stuttered. That wasn’t yours. 

You crouched, studied it. It was recent—clean. Hadn’t been disturbed by animals. That meant one thing—someone had been here. 

And not long ago. 

You didn’t make a sound, just rose and moved, boots silent against the snow.You ducked back into the cabin and found the team already stirring. 

Yelena sharpened a knife by the fireplace, Walker was rubbing sleep from his eyes, Ava said cross-legged with a datapad balanced on her knee. Bob was quietly eating dry granola and leaned over the arm of the chair he was sitting in, trying to get a closer look at whatever Ava was looking at. 

And Bucky—

Bucky watched you before the door even closed. 

You didn’t say anything at first, just met his eyes, that solemn blue set into all that worry and quiet guilt. The heat from the night before was still burning in those eyes, still warm and attentive. 

You looked away and cleared your throat, shattering the comfortable silence that had built upon the slow fire.

“We’ve been compromised.” 

They all stilled, exhaled quietly. 

You stepped towards the table, pulled the map out, laid it flat. “Infrared tripwire. North perimeter, ten meters past the old woodpile. Wasn’t there yesterday.” 

Yelena stood immediately, trying to hide the wince of pain. “Can you show me?” She wheezed a little. 

You shook your head, held up a hand. “Not now. I already marked it. We need to assume they know you’re here.” 

Bob cursed low under this breath as Walker rubbed his temples. “That’s just great.” 

Ava’s voice was sharp, “How long do we have?” 

“Not long enough,” you said, voice tight. 

And that’s when Bucky moved. Just a step, but the whole room shifted with him. The air charged, the team straightened. 

“I’ll handle it,” he said, voice calm, strong. Like there wasn’t a world, a situation, where he wouldn’t handle it. 

You turned to him, sharply. “You’ll—Bucky, you think I can’t handle my own perimeter?” 

“That’s not what I’m saying.” 

You crossed your arms. “Then what are you saying?” There was almost no heat behind your words—very little curtness, nothing like the day before. The team noticed, the way your shoulders weren’t as tense, the way Bucky slightly leaned towards you, like he couldn’t help it.

He looked at you, pain flickering through his expression. “I’m saying we brought this upon you—I did.” 

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and dropped your arms.

“Oh, please.” 

“We did,” he said, louder now, more insistentent. The moment he noticed that look in your eyes, like you were disturbed, he knew what had happened. His heart had stopped beating at the idea of drawing danger to you. 

“You were off the radar and safe. And we dragged you back into this.” 

“I took you in,” You reminded him. “You didn’t force me.” 

“You shouldn’t have had to,” he snapped, worried and furious with himself. “You should’ve been allowed to live without the past coming to your front door with guns and tripwires.”

“You don’t get to decide that for me,” you hissed, low, stepping in close. “We talked about this. I’m not some fragile memory in your head. I’m right here. I chose to help. I knew the consequences.” 

His voice dropped, low and softer, like he was pleading. “And I’m choosing not to let you get killed because of us.” 

There it was. 

The silence was sharp, crackling. Everyone else disappeared into background noise, blurred by the weight of what passed between you, the anger and softness of last night, the years in between. 

Bucky knew—knew the likelihood of you actually dying was low, you were strong, so fucking strong and so intelligent and one of the best fighters he knew, but he couldn’t get the image of you—hurt, bleeding—out of his head. 

“I know you think you have to fix everything,” you said, quiet, tired, understanding. “But not this.” 

“This is the only thing I can fix,” he said, and his voice cracked. Like he had spent the few hours after your time on the porch just thinking, mulling over everything you had said, everything he hadn’t said. “Please, let me.” 

The rest of the team had scattered quietly, trying their best to give you space. They shifted away, towards the fireplace and the wall, made themselves smaller, but watched carefully, nosey and interested. 

They didn’t know much about Bucky. He had always been a private person, preferred to listen to their stories than share any of his own. But in the beginning, when it was all new, they could tell his heart wasn’t in it, that obligation and morality drove him. 

His heart had always belonged to another, he had left it somewhere—ran without it. 

Now, they had finally seen it—the woman that kept his heart, the one place his guard hadn’t been up, the way he let himself be small, let himself be, with no title. They weren’t even sure if he knew, if he knew that his heart lived here, existed in the palm of your hand, in the edges of the wood. 

You stared at him, and maybe it was adrenaline, or just the years of knowing him—of knowing his heart even when he wouldn’t speak on it—but something in your chest broke. The softness in his eyes, replacing the usual hardness and fury. The way he had naturally moved closer to you, like you were the center of his gravity. 

“Y/n,” he said then, softly. Your name felt holy on his tongue, something divine. Like he was standing at the top of some cathedral and the beauty overwhelmed him and all he could do was utter the name of his worship. It felt like a promise, something far deeper than the word itself. 

“James,” you whispered back, just as softly—delicate. It slipped out, something instinctual. You watched his entire body tense before it relaxed, before the wrinkles near his eyes smoothed out and his eyes gleamed—just for a moment, but blinding. 

He stared at you like you’d just torn open the sky. He hadn’t been called that in years, not by anyone else but you. It was his name, but it felt like yours, something you held onto. 

But then the moment passed. The threat crept back in, like a shadow reasserting itself. 

He shook his head, leaned back. This always happened, he always got lost in you, lost his mind as soon as he laid eyes on you. “We’re leaving.” 

“What?” you said, breath catching, feeling like you had been pushed off a cliff. 

“We’re going to pull the enemy off your trail. Lead them into the open. Finish it.” 

“No,” you said, chest tight, feeling like a child and the blanket was being ripped off of you. “You need me.” 

“I can’t ask you to do this.” 

“You’re not asking,” you told him. “I’m telling you I can. I’ve fought beside you. I’ve bled beside you, you know I’m good for this.” 

“I know,” he said, like it pained him. “God, I know. You’ve always been better than me at this. But let me do this. Let me protect something, just once, without destroying it.” 

“Bucky—” 

“I’m not leaving you,” he said, quickly, breathless, stepping closer. “Not forever. Just for this. Let me end it, and I swear—I’ll come back.” 

Your throat closed, his cold, metal hand closing around your heart. You didn’t even know when he had reached in, when the barbed wire had fallen away. “You can’t promise that.” 

“I can,” he said, his forehead almost touching yours. His breath was warm as it brushed your cheek. He sounded so sure, so confident. “And I am. I will come back.” 

The firelight in his eyes wasn’t desperate, wasn’t afraid—it was resolute. “I can’t let you go again. I’m not strong enough.” 

He was already pulling on his gear when you stepped in front of him again, heart in your throat.

“This isn’t fair,” you said. None of it felt fair—felt real. You had just gotten him back, just made peace with him, with the familiarity that gripped you by the jaw. 

“I know,” he replied. 

You looked into his eyes, in the way they drank you in. They shifted downwards, over his body, memorizing. Without thinking too hardly, you reached for his hand. 

His fingers closed around yours instantly, like they’d been waiting—like he’d been falling and you had just reached out for him. His calluses scraped against your knuckles, grounding you. Heat flooded your body, almost tipped you over. His thumb brushed against your pulse point, pressed on it. 

“I hate you,” you whispered, not a single hating bone in your body. You were sure the hatred, the anger was somewhere deep within your body, hiding and floating and real, but it wasn’t present, wasn’t pressing against your skin the way the fear, the love—the want—was. 

“I know,” he said again, smiling just a little. “I don’t.” 

You pulled him into a hug and you both breathed for the first time. He held on like he never wanted to let go, his arms instantly wrapped around you, hands pressing into your skin. The silence between you was fuller now—stitched together with hope, with fear, with the half-formed shape of something possible—real. 

He pulled back, looked you in the eye. He looked younger, someone in love. 

“I’ll come back,” he said again, and this time, it felt like a vow.

You let him go. 

Stood there as he went, silent and still as snow fell. Let him hold your hand for a second longer than he should have. Let his eyes rest on you like they always had—gently, painfully, like it was the last time. 

“Stay safe,” he said, smiling softly.

You watched as they disappeared into the mist and the trees with soft smiles and nods, into the fight that waited beyond the edge of safety. 

He had promised. He’d whispered it in the hush between your porch and you, where things had often been left unsaid but then he said it. 

“I’ll come back. You don’t have to let me in—but I’ll come back anyway.” 

You stood on the porch until they were gone, arms wrapped around yourself, chilled to the bone.

You just stood there, empty and filled with hope—waiting. 

And hoping he wouldn’t break this promise too.

It snowed again that morning. 

This white lace drifted down from the treetops, quieting the woods like a lullaby. Two weeks had passed since he left. Since he stood at the tree line with his eyes locked to yours like it would be the last time.

You tried not to count the days. Tried to act like it didn’t matter—but the ache in your chest made a liar of you. It always did. 

Each morning you opened your door just a little too fast. Each night you lit the fireplace and left the hall light on, telling yourself it was just for warmth, for visibility. But really, you didn’t want the place to feel so empty if—when—he came back. 

Today, you wore one of his old shirts. Soft cotton and faint cologne still clinging to the collar. You hadn’t meant to put it on, not really, didn’t even know it was his at first, but when you touched the fabric, it felt like a memory.

And that’s when it happened. 

Three slow, heavy knocks at the door. 

You froze, heart in your throat. Then you rushed, stumbled barefoot through the living room, fingers fumbling with the handle. When the door creaked open, the cold hit you first—and then him.

Bucky. 

He stood there, snow in his hair, lips split, knuckles scraped, breath heaving like he’d run through the forest without stopping. A duffle hung over one shoulder. His blue eyes were glassy, rimmed red with exhaustion and something else—something soft, searching. 

“I’m sorry it took so long,” he breathed out, quickly. “I had to make sure everything was finished. That you were safe.” 

You said nothing, couldn’t speak. You just stared at him, wide-eyed, chest rising. 

“I didn’t know if I’d make it back,” he continued, like he knew you were barely breathing and wanted to give you a second. “Didn’t know if you’d still want me here. And if you slam the door in my face, I’ll understand.”

You didn’t. 

Instead, you stepped out onto the porch, into the snow. Shoved him hard in the chest—once, twice. And he took it, didn’t move or flinch, just let you. He looked at you like you were sunlight. 

And then you grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him down and kissed him. 

God, the kiss. It wasn’t gentle. It was fire—heat and years of longing poured into it like you both had been holding your breath since the day you met. His hands dropped the bag, found your waist, warm and trembling and real. You opened your mouth to him and he groaned, low and guttural like he’d waited years for the taste of you. 

He stumbled into the cabin with you in his arms, the door shutting behind him. Snow melted off his jacket onto the floor as he pressed you against the wall, mouths locked, hearts wild. 

He kissed you like a promise, like he’s finally letting himself fall. His lips moved with yours in slow, lingering passes, breath hitching slightly when your fingers tangle in the soft hair at the nape of his neck. 

“Bucky…” you whispered, breathless, as he pulled back just a little, just enough to look at you again. 

“I’m right here,” he murmured, brushing his lips along your jaw. “Not going anywhere.” 

He kissed you again, deeper this time, hungrier—but still gentle, like every kiss was him saying I’m here without needing the words. 

“I love you,” he rasped out, pressing his lips firmly against yours. “I’m in love with you,” he whispered against your mouth, breathing like a man starved. “I’ve always been in love with you.” He sounded reverent, voice raw. 

You pressed your forehead to his, blinking back tears, lips plump and breathless. “You hurt me.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m still so angry.” 

He pressed a soft, hovering kiss to your jaw. “I’ll take all of it. Every piece of it.” 

You swallowed hard, blinking away the tears. “I’m in love with you, you idiot.” 

He smiled then, the softest, most brightest thing you’d ever seen. A man who had been lost in the woods, in the snow, who finally found his way home. 

The fire cracked behind you, casting everything in gold and flickering shadows. He looked beautiful, something magical and unreal, like he had been crafted by the most expensive stained glass. 

You looked up at him, slid your hand to the base of his throat. “What does this change?” 

“Everything,” Bucky said, voice raw. “But it doesn’t have to change all at once. You don’t have to let me in tonight. You can hate me, scream. I’ll wait.”

You exhaled shakily, shifted closer. “I’ll be mad at you tomorrow.” 

He nodded, like he expected worse, like he was so enamoured by you. 

“But tonight—” You touched his jaw, traced the bruises like they were yours to soothe. “Tonight… I just want to feel you. Want to know you’re mine.” 

His mouth opened like he might say something, but all that came out was a soft, wounded nose before he kissed you again. Slower, deeper. His tongue traced his devotion into his gums as he slid his trembling hands under your—his—shirt and when his palms found bare skin, he sighed against your lips. 

“I’ve always been yours.” 

You took his hand and led him down the familiar hallway, toward the bedroom. The fireplace crackled low in the other room. Moonlight spilled across your floorboards. A few candles flickered by your bedside, forgotten after another sleepless night—but now, they painted him in gold. 

The door shut behind him and he watched you like he didn’t believe you were real. “Are you sure you want this?” He asked gently, eyes soft. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

You nodded, looking up at him like he had always belonged here, in your room, desperate and panting and beautiful. 

“Do you know how many nights I longed for you? Wanted your touch?” 

He reached for you then, slow and gentle, like he was afraid that if he moved too fast, everything would fall apart. His lips found your cheek, your jaw, your neck. Kisses layered like apology, like worship. 

“I’ll make up for lost time,” he murmured, unbuttoning your shorts with careful fingers. “I swear to you.” 

When your shirt slipped off your shoulders, his breath caught. 

He stepped forward, hands devout, fingertips grazing your skin like he was afraid to wake from a dream.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “You don’t know what it did to me—thinking I’d never get to touch you. Never get to love you.” 

He touched you like you were something sacred, something so beautiful and otherworldly. He made you feel wanted, loved. 

“You’re here now,” you whispered, lips lifting into a small smile. You watched as his breath hitched, as his fingers flexed and he almost fell into you.

He kissed you again, rough and deep and messy. Like every second he’d spent away had built this fire under his skin and only you could soothe it. His hand slid into your hair, pulled you closer. His lips moved to your jaw, your collarbone—and he moaned softly, like the taste of your skin was salvation. 

You unzipped his jacket, whimpered as Bucky’s teeth grazed against your ear, the skin just below. You pulled at his shirt and with one hand, he pulled his henly off, reattaching his lips to your skin, kissing down your neck. 

Your hands slid down his chest as you leaned into him, panting against the side of his head. His lips sucked and licked your skin, finding comfort in leaving marks on your skin. 

You pulled away, needing to see him, to breathe him in. “I wanted to take care of you,” you whispered, reaching for the waistband of his pants. You kissed his neck, licked a bead of sweat. 

“Wanted to—”

He caught your wrist gently, kissing your knuckles. You were glowing, something ethereal and his heart almost gave out. “Let me,” he said. “Please. Let me love you first.” 

He sounded so pretty, so breathless. You melted, relishing in the way his gaze burned into you. Fell back onto the bed as he knelt between your thighs, spreading you open like something holy. His kisses trailed lower, burning a path down your body. Over your breasts, your stomach, down the soft skin of your hips. 

He pressed hot, wet kisses all over your breasts, cupped one while he sucked on your nipple, tongue swirling. He whispered against your skin, his devotion, his cries of your beauty. 

He sucked, licked and kissed the skin of your hips, just above your panty-line. Blew air onto the mark, kissed it once, twice, then grinned. Bucky looked up at you—eyes dark and tender—and his smile turned into something soft, something so devastating. 

“You’re so beautiful, Y/n.” He nudged your thighs apart even more, shifted you up on the mattress so he could lay down on his stomach comfortably. He kissed your inner thigh before brushing his nose against your cunt. You almost squeezed your legs shut when he sniffed, a moan escaping his lips. 

“Can I taste you, pretty girl?” He asked, voice husky. When you nodded, slid your hand into his hair and pulled, desperation and heat dancing in your eyes, he pressed a kiss to your folds. 

“Please, Buck,” you breathed out. 

That was all he needed. He buried his mouth between your legs like he’d been born for this. Like nothing mattered more than making you feel it. He moaned into you, fingers gripping your thighs, pulling you closer, letting his tongue swirl and suck and worship until you were crying out his name, hips trembling under his hands. 

You gasped when his tongue swirled around your cunt—broad, slow licks that made your knees shake. He moaned like it was his release, like your pleasure soothed something deep in him. He sucked your clit with such reverence, it made you sob. 

“James—” 

His arms wrapped around your thighs, grounding you. He pressed his nose against your clit, rubbed your slick all over his face as his tongue fucked you, curving just right.

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned into your pussy, the vibrations making your head spin. “Say my name.” 

“So good,” you panted, grinding your hips against his face, pulling at his fair. His metal hand spread your folds and you almost screamed, the sudden cold mixed with the heat of his warm breath was too much. 

He sucked and licked, tongue swirling around your clit. He felt your whole body tense, the way you tried closing your legs around him. He held your hips still, sucked harder. “Cum for me,” he whispered. “Want to taste you. Need to—fuck, baby, please.” 

And when you did, when you shattered his tongue, cried out his name, he didn’t stop. He kissed you through it, breathed your name like a prayer as he sucked and swallowed your cum. He kissed your thighs and your belly, rested his cheek against your stomach like he could live there. 

“That’s it. So sweet. So fuckin’ good for me,” he babbled, kissing your skin. “That’s my girl.”

He stripped, pulled his pants off and kicked off his boxers. His cock was hard, red, pre-cum dripping like it never had before. 

When he finally climbed over you, lips swollen, pupils blown, you grabbed his face and kissed him hard. You could taste yourself on him and it made your head spin. You needed him, needed all of him. 

“What do you need, baby?” He asked against your lips, sucked on your tongue. 

“You,” you breathed out. “I want you. Please, Bucky—need you inside—” 

He gripped his cock and slid it in between your folds, hissing in pain when your pussy fluttered around him. He met your gaze and smiled, something soft and wicked and angled his cock, sliding in, slow and thick, his mouth open as he groaned, long and low. 

“Oh, my sweet girl,” he groaned. “Fuck—so tight—” 

He pulled out, slowly, moaned—loudly—forehead pressed to yours, his hand gripping your waist as he thrust in slowly, deep, claiming you like he meant it. He was so big, so thick and veiny. Heavy on top of you, metal arm braced beside your head. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he rasped. “Always dreamed of it being like this. Of being yours.” 

“You are,” you whispered, seeing stars. “You’ve only ever been mine.” 

He groaned against your throat and fucked you with everything he had, slow and worshipful, but every time your hips met, he whimpered like it was too much, like it wasn’t his cock sliding in and out of your sopping pussy. The candlelight danced across his skin, sweat glistening on his back as he hovered over you, panting against your mouth, begging softly with every thrust. 

“Tell me I’m yours,” he begged, practically growling into your mouth. 

“M-mine, James, fuck. You’re—mine.” 

“That’s right,” he moaned. “I’m yours. And you’re mine. My perfect girl. My fuckin’ everything.” 

Bucky’s obsessed with you, with your pussy, with the warmth of the cabin and being where he belongs, here, with you—loving you. His lips are all over you—biting, sucking, kissing your throat, your tits, your mouth. You look up at him and roll out your tongue, eyes glassy. His hips stuttered for a moment before he spat in your mouth, watched you swallowed with this groan that sounded like he’s in pain. 

His cock dragged along your walls, bruised your cervix, making you sob. Your nails dragged across his back as his dog tags dangled in your face. “Fucking me so good,” you moaned, kissing his ear. 

“You’re so good,” he panted. “Takin’ it so well, my sweet girl.” 

He pulled out halfway, smiling briefly when you whined. 

And then—he slammed back in, hips snapping hard, cock punching into your cunt so deep you scream. 

“Please,” he whispered. “Let me make up for everything.” 

“You already are,” you breathed, toes tingling and the coil in your chest tightening. “I love you, Buck.” 

He kissed you again, messy and open-mouthed, your tongues tangling, breath mixing, spit shining your lips. He was so deep, so thick inside you, and when he angled his hips just right, you cried out, clutching his back, nails digging in. 

“Gonna come,” you gasped, drooling a bit, pussy gushing. 

“Do it,” Bucky said, desperate. He kissed you again, licked the edge of your mouth. “Come for me, sweet girl. God, I need it.” 

He pressed his chest harder against yours, fucked into you harder. Your breath stuttered as white flashed across your gaze and the coil in your chest unravelled and you cummed, body wracked with pleasure. 

His name left your mouth like a prayer. You pulled him down, kissed his cheeks, his neck, held his face in your hands as you whispered the words he’d waited a lifetime to hear. 

“Come inside me” 

He stilled, shuddered. His eyes found yours, full of disbelief and adoration. 

“Please,” you said, eyes almost rolling back. “I’ve only ever belonged to you.” 

He surged forward, pressed his lips hard against yours as he cummed with a broken moan, hips rocking, cock pulsing inside you as he whispered your name over and over. He fucked his cum into you, collapsed into your arms, buried his face in your neck. 

“I love you,” Bucky breathed out, pressing a soft kiss under your ear. 

You hummed, ran your fingers through his hair, feeling full and content. “And I love you.” 

Neither of you moved for a long time.

Eventually, he shifted, just enough to pull the blankets over you both. His body stayed half on top of yours, your arms around his waist, holding him tightly. 

Outside, the snow fell silently. 

Inside, wrapped in each other’s arms, you both had finally found home. 

[a-hermit-pining]

LADS Men When You Move in with Them

AN: Sorry for anyone who followed for jjk but that phase is over for now people. I am playing LADS and kinda obsessed so I just have to write about it. I'm still finishing main story so let me know if I'm off but this is just fluff for fun. I might just extend my househusband series for LADS bois.

Pairing: Lads boys x fem reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: How do LADS men react to reader moving in with them.

Xavier:

The second you’re out of sight, Xavier is on a mission. Your skincare collection? Compromised. Tiny vials of serums and creams vanish into his hands as he experiments, utterly fascinated by how good you always smell.

Did he scream when he mistook your fake lashes for worms? Yes. Would he ever admit to it? Absolutely not.

So don’t be surprised when your shampoo, conditioner, serums, and lotions start running out at an alarming rate. This other worldly prince will not hesitate.

Zayne:

Zayne, dressed in his eternal black-on-black, will take an unreasonably long time staring at his closet once you move in. Because next to his monochrome fits? Your colorful, glittery clothes. He’s fascinated. Maybe even a little in awe and jealous.

You might even catch him pulling out his secret stash of cardigans from the depths of the void, trying to match your vibe just a little.

Also? He loves watching you do your hair. The man is mesmerized by air wrap, loves running his fingers through freshly curled hair.

And his watch collection? Now proudly displayed next to your jewelry. (He's so cute istg ><)

Sylus:

Does the sudden invasion of cutesy decor completely wreck Sylus’ carefully curated aesthetic? Yes.

Does he resist it? Hell no.

Be it Hello Kitty blankets on his sleek black leather couch or tiny fairy garden decor in his study, Sylus lets your presence take over his space without a fight. A cute blanket is a cute blanket, perfectly good for cuddling.

Also, Mephisto? Number one fan of pecking at your shiny trinkets.

Rafayel:

Your foster kitten loves him.

Rafayel, the man who wants 'nothing to do with cats', suddenly finds himself the chosen one. The second you move in, the tiny gremlin attaches itself to him. Following him from room to room, napping in his studio, demanding attention with its judgmental little eyes.

And despite his dramatic sighs and endless complaints about your “vicious monster,” you know the truth.

Because one day, you catch Rafayel casually working while the kitten sleeps in his lap. And before he can argue, you adopt the little guy permanently.

(Oh, and you get another cat for yourself, because fair is fair.)

Caleb:

Caleb owns a ridiculous amount of tactical gear. More than you, even.

But never in his life did he think he’d see a penguin-themed holster.

Yes, he was aware of your growing plushie empire. No, he did not expect the theme to continue onto scabbards and grips.

And yet, here you are. And here he is. In awe.

Does he judge? Not at all. Does he join in? Absolutely.

He now owns matching sock complementary to your gear aesthetics.

Colonel in the streets, pookie in the sheets.

[connorsui]

If your passions called, Simon would answer. Boxes arrived while he was gone, filled with fresh journals for your poems, new pens for your writing, and all kinds of baking supplies to spark your creativity. He wanted you to always feel his presence, even if he was half a world away, each package a testament to his unwavering affection. When he returned, you would often slip him small, handwritten notes—your own words of love and encouragement—folded neatly, and he’d keep them close to his heart, tucked in a pocket as if they were a part of him. The others joked about him looking like a:

“proper husband”

for always stopping to read your handwriting, touching every letter as if every word you wrote was a treasure on its own.

There were nights, long ones, when you’d catch him sitting at the kitchen table, leafing through a scrapbook you’d made during his deployment. Pictures of the two of you, your annotations in the margins, your thoughts and memories, capturing moments he hadn’t even noticed you were holding onto. He’d touch each page, almost reverently, lingering on the edges like he was afraid his touch might ruin the paper. And when you’d join him, sliding into his lap with your arms wrapped around his neck, he’d tuck his face into your shoulder, silent, holding you close as if you were the only thing grounding him to this world.

Simon never argued with you; never needed to. He believed in “happy wife, happy life” with a fervency others might never understand. If you didn’t like something, he’d change it without hesitation. If you felt uncomfortable going out he would take you back home in his arms, helping you out of your dress with gentle hands, making your favorite tea in the kitchen, casting you warm, lingering glances as you sipped your cup by his side with the prettiest smile he swears he has never seen before in his life.

There were times you’d tease him, testing the boundaries of his devotion with light-hearted remarks about your whims. But no matter what you said, he never wavered. If anything, his dedication seemed to intensify, his love quiet but resolute, unwavering in the face of your every wish. You could see it in his eyes, the way they softened whenever he looked at you, as though you were the only person in the world he wanted, needed. To Simon, you were perfection, and nothing you did could ever change that.

When it came to intimacy, Simon was utterly faithful. At night, his hands would roam your form reverently, memorizing every curve, every detail he’d missed in his months away. When you traced the veins on his neck, his breaths came out heavy, the weight of his love pressing down on him. Your touch left him trembling, his normally steady hands shaking as he held himself over you, eyes dark with an almost sacred devotion as he rocked into you with slow, deep movements that left him weak.

When you’d murmur his name, kiss his scarred knuckles, and hold him close, Simon felt himself unraveling in your arms, reduced to nothing but his love for you. His broad, muscular form sank against you, a sturdy weight softened by your warmth, and he’d surrender completely, letting you hold him, a silent confession of his trust and vulnerability.

In the stillness of those moments, he would remember a time when he hadn’t believed in softness when life had taught him only to take and endure. But now, in your arms, Simon Riley found a new truth: that he could give, could cherish, and, most of all, could love without fear. And as he drifted to sleep, wrapped in your love, he knew that he had finally found his purpose—not in battle, nor vengeance, but in this quiet, steadfast devotion to the woman who had taught him that he was worthy of peace.

[themissinghand]

Genshin Impact Marked by the Sea

Summary: In which Neuvillette is your soft husband, a loving one with some dragon tendencies. 

or, here are snippets of a domestic dragon husband. 

Pairing: Neuvillette x GN! Reader! 

Note: Going through my drafts and yes, I had a Genshin phase

Warning: Lots of fluff >.< because we love our hydro dragon sovereign. 

★・・・・・・★

“You’re staring again,” you murmur sleepily.

Every morning, you wake up to long white messy hair on your face and sometimes, even purrs coming from your beloved husband. 

Neuvillette tightens his arms around your waist. 

“I’m simply…appreciating.”

“You’re very clingy for someone who acts like the world’s most composed man in public,” you tease, turning in his arms.

He presses his face into your neck. 

“You’re the only place I feel at peace.”

Your fingers comb gently through his hair.

A soft whine escapes him. 

“Stay with me a little longer.”

“Love, you have to go now.” You managed to sit up and let out a small yawn. You eyed the clock, and realized that it’s time to get ready for the day. 

“Must we get up?”

Neuvillette’s voice was muffled against your hip, arms still around your waist.

You laughed, gently tugging him upright. 

“You’re the Chief Justice. Pretty sure pajamas aren’t court-appropriate.”

You quickly pull him out of bed and help him wash his face and teeth. Help him clean up and look like the respectable Chief Justice everyone knows. 

He blinked at you, bleary-eyed, letting you button his shirt. 

“Now arms up.”

He obeyed, now a bit more awake, but his head thunk on your shoulder. 

“You’re too good to me.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you teased, guiding him to the kitchen.

He sat, still drowsy, while you went to make a quick breakfast. His eyes lit up the moment he saw the carefully packed lunch.

“You made soup again…” he murmured, picking up his spoon. 

“You know me too well.”

You peck his cheek.

“Someone has to make sure you eat something that isn’t stressful.”

Neuvillette caught your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. 

“I don't know I would do without you.” You raised a brow. 

“Dramatic.”

“Truthful,” he said, giving you that soft look that made your chest ache. 

“I’d be lost without you.”

You poured him water, leaning in close. 

“Good thing I’m not going anywhere then.”

He hummed, content, and smiled softly.

“Thank you.”

The courtroom echoed with voices, petitions, disputes, and lies dressed as truths.

Neuvillette listened, silent and unreadable as always, yet the weight of it pressed heavily on him today.

Humans, no feelings are difficult to understand for Neuvillette. 

During a short break, he retreated to his office. He didn’t expect peace, but when he opened the simple wooden box you'd prepared for him that morning, the tightness in his chest eased.

Carefully arranged: poached fish, soup, soft rice, steamed greens. And nestled beside it, a folded note.

“Don't forget to eat. And breathe. I’ll be waiting for you at home.”

You’d drawn a little doodle of him, half-asleep with his hair floofed.

He stared at it for a long moment. Then, slowly, a smile touched his lips.

He took a bite of the fish. Light, clean. Just the way he liked it. His heart unclenched, if only a little.

You always knew what he needed before he did.

He tucked the note back into his coat pocket, among the many others.

Then he returned to the courtroom, still weary, but a little steadier.

You found him hunched over his desk, buried in paperwork. Rain tapped on the windows like it was echoing his mood.

Silently, you walked up behind him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

"...You always find me,” he murmured after a pause, voice tight. “Even when I don’t want to be found.”

“You don’t really mean that,” you whispered, resting your cheek against him.

When it got late, you knew Neuvillette was stuck at work, being the workaholic he is. 

He didn’t argue. Just exhaled shakily, fingers clutching a paper like it had wronged him personally.

“Why are they like this?” he asked. “Humans. So much… cruelty and lies.”

You held him tighter. You knew sometimes these cases could be too much to listen to, after all, people only go to court for frustration, guilt and confessions. 

“Because we’re messy. But we’re capable of kindness too. You don’t have to understand all of it. You just have to be you.”

“But I’m not human,” he said, looking up at you. “How can I judge them if I don’t understand them?”

For a moment, you hesitated because you remembered the time he told you about his true identity, but even then, you never cared for it because you truly loved this man dragon from the moon and back. 

“You don’t need to be them to care,” you said gently, brushing his hair back.

“You’re already doing more than most. That’s enough.”

A deep breath before he turns in his chair and buried his face into your chest. 

You didn’t speak. Just stroked his hair, kissed his temple, and held him. 

“…Thank you,” he whispered. Then he tipped you down and you let him. He kissed you, slow, tender, like you were sunlight and he hadn’t seen the sky in days.

When he finally pulled back, he glanced toward the window.

“…The rain stopped,” he said, almost in disbelief. You smiled, running a finger along his jaw. 

“Told you. You just needed to let someone hold you for a while.”

He smiled, really smiled, and leaned in for one more kiss.

“My heart listens to you more than it does me.”

Another day, another migraine as you would sometimes say. 

"Neuvi, you need a vacation."

He had meant to protest, he always did, but the look in your eyes had silenced him more effectively than any decree. It wasn’t disappointment or frustration. 

It was care. Concern. Love.

He sat at the edge of the bed, fingers absently tracing the letter you had slipped into his coat earlier. He unfolded it now, reading your familiar handwriting:

“You are allowed to rest, Love. You are allowed to be more than the Chief Justice. Let me take care of you.”

He closed his eyes.

For centuries, he had carried so much. 

Dignity. Duty. Distance. 

And yet you, gentle, persistent, loving you, had chipped away at his solitude like water to stone, reshaping him with kindness.

Perhaps...just this once...

He let out a slow breath. And then, deliberately, he stood, walking to the open balcony. 

The moon was dim tonight, and the streets were empty except the automatons guarding the city. With one smooth motion, he shifted, scales rippling over his skin, horns glinting, wings unfurling into the night air.

A dragon once more. It felt liberating despite only showing his half dragon form. 

And as he looked down at the palace below, a deep, low growl rose in his throat. He wanted to take you far away from this place. 

From politics. From judgment. From all the noise.

He wanted to keep you close. Closer than ever.

He took to the skies and took a deep breath.

Perhaps...a vacation has been long overdue. 

After months of court and chaos, Neuvillette finally, finally, listened to you.

You had never been so excited as you pulled out your notes and forgotten plans of just hanging out without work looming over your heads. Still, you wanted it to be relaxing for your dragon husband because you wanted this to be all about him! 

He deserves rest and you would make sure he gets spoiled! The first thing you did was just take him away from the palace and into the Fontaine wilderness, where it would just be you, him, and the sea.

What you didn’t expect was to see Neuvillette showing off in his half dragon form.

You watched as he shifted, wings unfurled, silver-blue scales gleaming in the sun, and you swore you saw him breathe for the first time in weeks. 

No courtroom. No robes. 

Just Neuvillette, in all his dragon majesty, curling his massive body around you in a protective sprawl. 

“You’re hovering,” you teased when he kept nuzzling you every time you moved an inch too far.

A low, rumbling growl vibrated through his chest. 

“You wandered out of sight for two minutes.”

“You sound like you were ready to drown someone.”

“I was.”

Each day, he softened. The weight on his shoulders lightened. 

You massaged the tension from his back, whispered reassurances into his neck, and watched him melt under your touch.

But as the days passed, something changed. His touches grew bolder. His gaze lingered longer.

At night, in human form again, he’d pull you close, hands trembling just slightly. 

“Tell me I’m allowed this,” he murmured once, voice rough and low as his fingers trailed your spine. 

“Tell me I can want you.”

“You’re allowed everything, Neuvi,” you whispered against his lips. “Especially me.”

He kissed you slowly, starting off with gentle kisses before turning desperate, with whispered promises.

By dawn, you lay tangled together beneath his draped wing. His breath is warm at your nape. His arm locked around your waist.

“You’re not letting go, are you?” you murmured, half-asleep.

A hum. 

“Never.”

You could say the same. 

The sky was streaked with pink when you tugged Neuvillette’s hand. 

“Beach walk,” you said. “Doctor’s orders.”

He let you lead him, fingers laced with yours, quiet as ever, but relaxed. Peaceful.

The sea air suited him. Personally, you liked that he was out of his “judge” outfit, and in a more shirt and pants. 

Then you spotted them.

“Otters!” you gasped, pointing excitedly at the group rolling around in the surf. One, in particular, caught your eye, blue-gray fur, an almost regal posture, and sharp eyes surveying the world.

You burst into laughter, as you quickly led Neuvillette to them. 

“Wait, look! That one looks just like you.” Neuvillette blinked. 

“You think I look like an otter?” You nodded as you looked back and forth. 

“Same dignified vibe. Same colours. Same mysterious energy. Very composed. Very you.”

He gave you the most bewildered expression. 

“I...see.”

You giggled and crouched near the water’s edge, where the otters now swarmed, squeaking little “kyu” noises as they playfully nuzzled you.

Neuvillette stayed behind, watching. Silent. Still.

One of the otters nestled into your lap, eyes closed in bliss. You cooed at it.

And he frowned.

“…They’re quite clingy,” he muttered, barely audible.

You looked up. 

“Are you… pouting?”

“I am not,” he said, a touch too quickly. 

“Merely observing. They seem rather… attached.”

You tilted your head, biting back a smile. 

“You are jealous.”

“I am not jealous of an otter,” he said stiffly, before stepping forward and sliding his hand into yours, gently pulling you up and into his side. 

You laughed, letting him pull you close. 

“Jealous much?”

“I prefer ‘protective.’” 

You smiled up at him. 

“Don’t worry. No amount of adorable otters could ever take your place.”

He exhaled slowly, brushing a hand through your hair, gaze softening. 

“Good.”

Still, you made him take photos with otters anyways. 

And now Neuvillette sees it all the time on your nightstand. 

While he judges it all the time, you know that Neuvillette could never be mad at otters forever.

One night, you lay on deck beside Neuvillette on a ship. The lakeside is quiet, with the moonlight catching in his eyes, stormy and somehow intense. 

What was he thinking about even on vacation?

His fingers traced your skin slowly, pausing at your neck.

“You always touch there,” you whispered.

He leaned in, brushing a kiss to the spot.

“It’s my favorite place,” he murmured. Then softer, with a hint of hesitation. 

“May I leave a mark?” Your breath hitched as he leaned over you, staring at you intently, making you feel like you were in the eyes of a dragon.

“A mark?” You asked, breathless. 

“A symbol. A promise.” His eyes didn’t waver. 

For a moment, you simply stared into his eyes, a little pensive. Neuvillette caught your hesitation but did not falter. 

“In dragonkind,” Neuvillette explained softly, “a mark is a symbol, but also a bond. One created from instinct, will, and power. When a dragon marks someone, it means they’ve chosen them as mates.”

“Mates?” You blinked, your heartbeat fluttering.

He nodded. “More than that. It’s a soul-deep tether. A dragon only marks once in their lifetime. Once we do… that bond cannot be undone. No matter time, distance, or circumstance, our hearts remain bound.”

Your lips parted slightly as you looked into his eyes, searching. 

“So…you can’t ever choose someone else?”

“No,” he murmured, “Even if you walked away, even if I never saw you again…I would remain yours. That is how dragons love. We don’t fall often. But when we do, it’s forever.”

You were silent for a moment, taking in the weight of his words. Then, with a soft smile, you leaned forward, pressing your forehead against his.

“Forever sounds nice.” You leaned back, exposing your neck to him. 

“I trust you.”

You heard him suck in a breath before he swallowed.

“I love you.” You widen your eyes in surprise, he had never said it so explicitly before, which made it all the more special.  

He kissed your neck, warmer this time, and whispered something ancient, words that shimmered like falling rain. Then, he bit down, making you shiver and gasp, but he held you close, making sure you felt comfortable yet safe in his arms. 

A pulse of hydro energy flowed through you, cool and comforting. You felt it settle, and when he pulled back, a glowing symbol remained, blue and silver, delicate yet powerful.

“It’s done.” He looked so relieved, content and satisfied before kissing the mark again. 

You touched it, awed. 

“It’s beautiful…”

“So are you,” he said, reverent. 

“It binds us. Now and always.” You met his gaze. 

“I was already yours.”

“As I am to you,” he said, pulling you close. “But now the world will know too.”

He kissed you then, deep and slow, as if sealing the bond with his very breath.

From that night on, the mark stayed. And every time Neuvillette saw it, his eyes would soften, and he’d kiss it again, like a quiet vow, Mine.

[haru-dipthong]

Gendered pronouns in Japanese vs English

In Revolutionary Girl Utena, the main character Utena is a girl (it says so in the title), but very conspicuously uses the masculine first person pronoun 僕 (boku) and dresses in (a variation of) the boys school uniform. Utena's gender, and gender in general, is a core theme of the work. And yet, I haven’t seen a single translation or analysis post where anyone considers using anything other than she/her for Utena when speaking of her in English. This made me wonder: how does one’s choice of pronouns in Japanese correspond to what one’s preferred pronouns would be in English?

There are 3 main differences between gendered pronouns in Japanese vs English

Japanese pronouns are used to refer to yourself (first-person), while English pronouns are used to refer to others (third-person)

The Japanese pronoun you use will differ based on context

Japanese pronouns signify more than just gender

Let’s look at each of these differences in turn and how these differences might lead to a seeming incongruity between one’s Japanese pronoun choice and one’s English pronoun choice (such as the 僕 (boku) vs she/her discrepancy with Utena).

Part 1: First-person vs third-person

While Japanese does technically have gendered third person pronouns （彼、彼女） they are used infrequently¹ and have much less cultural importance placed on them than English third person pronouns. Therefore, I would argue that the cultural equivalent of the gender-signifying third-person pronoun in English is the Japanese first-person pronoun. Much like English “pronouns in bio”, Japanese first-person pronoun choice is considered an expression of identity.

Japanese pronouns are used exclusively to refer to yourself, and therefore a speaker can change the pronoun they’re using for themself on a whim, sometimes mid-conversation, without it being much of an incident. Meanwhile in English, Marquis Bey argues that “Pronouns are like tiny vessels of verification that others are picking up what you are putting down” (2021). By having others use them and externally verify the internal truth of one’s gender, English pronouns, I believe, are seen as more truthful, less frivolous, than Japanese pronouns. They are seen as signifying an objective truth of the referent’s gender; if not objective then at least socially agreed-upon, while Japanese pronouns only signify how the subject feels at this particular moment — purely subjective.

Part 2: Context dependent pronoun use

Japanese speakers often don’t use just one pronoun. As you can see in the below chart, a young man using 俺 (ore) among friends might use 私 (watashi) or 自分 (jibun) when speaking to a teacher. This complicates the idea that these pronouns are gendered, because their gendering depends heavily on context. A man using 私 (watashi) to a teacher is gender-conforming, a man using 私 (watashi) while drinking with friends is gender-non-conforming. Again, this reinforces the relative instability of Japanese pronoun choice, and distances it from gender.

Part 3: Signifying more than gender

English pronouns signify little besides the gender of the antecedent. Because of this, pronouns in English have come to be a shorthand for expressing one’s own gender experience - they reflect an internal gendered truth. However, Japanese pronoun choice doesn’t reflect an “internal truth” of gender. It can signify multiple aspects of your self - gender, sexuality, personality.

For example, 僕 (boku) is used by gay men to communicate that they are bottoms, contrasted with the use of 俺 (ore) by tops. 僕 (boku) may also be used by softer, academic men and boys (in casual contexts - note that many men use 僕 (boku) in more formal contexts) as a personality signifier - maybe to communicate something as simplistic as “I’m not the kind of guy who’s into sports.” 俺 (ore) could be used by a butch lesbian who still strongly identifies as a woman, in order to signify sexuality and an assertive personality. 私 (watashi) may be used by people of all genders to convey professionalism. The list goes on.

I believe this is what’s happening with Utena - she is signifying her rebellion against traditional feminine gender roles with her use of 僕 (boku), but as part of this rebellion, she necessarily must still be a girl. Rather than saying “girls don’t use boku, so I’m not a girl”, her pronoun choice is saying “your conception of femininity is bullshit, girls can use boku too”.

Through translation, gendered assumptions need to be made, sometimes about real people. Remember that he/they, she/her, they/them are purely English linguistic constructs, and don’t correspond directly to one’s gender, just as they don’t correspond directly to the Japanese pronouns one might use. Imagine a scenario where you are translating a news story about a Japanese genderqueer person. The most ethical way to determine what pronouns they would prefer would be to get in contact with them and ask them, right? But what if they don’t speak English? Are you going to have to teach them English, and the nuances of English pronoun choice, before you can translate the piece? That would be ridiculous! It’s simply not a viable option². So you must make a gendered assumption based on all the factors - their Japanese pronoun use (context dependent!), their clothing, the way they present their body, their speech patterns, etc.

If translation is about rewriting the text as if it were originally in the target language, you must also rewrite the gender of those people and characters in the translation. The question you must ask yourself is: How does their gender presentation, which has been tailored to a Japanese-language understanding of gender, correspond to an equivalent English-language understanding of gender? This is an incredibly fraught decision, but nonetheless a necessary one. It’s an unsatisfying dilemma, and one that poignantly exposes the fickle, unstable, culture-dependent nature of gender.

Notes and References

¹ Usually in Japanese, speakers use the person’s name directly to address someone in second or third person

² And has colonialist undertones as a solution if you ask me - “You need to pick English pronouns! You ought to understand your gender through our language!”

Bey, Marquis— 2021 Re: [No Subject]—On Nonbinary Gender

Rose divider taken from this post

[elsaclack]

Yeah okay so like I said in the tags of the last post I’m rising from my tumblr grave to say that the ban on TikTok is symptomatic of a MUCH larger and more terrifying problem. Because yes, on its surface it’s silly dances and asmr and cooking videos and whatever, but in truth and at its core, TikTok single-handedly revolutionized the way 170 million Americans communicated with each other AND the rest of the world. Non-Americans love to point out how America-centric Americans are, but fail to realize that we are purposefully raised in an isolated, insulated environment where we are told from basically day 1 that America Is The Best and not to even bother taking a look around because it’s all downhill from outside of here. TikTok has, for MANY Americans, single-handedly destroyed that notion and allowed them (us!!) to broaden our world-view and realize that actually, things are better in other countries, and it did so in a kind, empathetic, and compassionate way.

And yeah most people wake up to the truth of that on their own as they get older, but holy shit!! The VAST majority of the Americans on TikTok are millennials and gen z (and even some older gen alpha)!! People who are becoming disillusioned with “The American Dream” (said with the HEAVIEST sarcasm) while they’re still school-aged or are just entering young-adulthood!! People who are entering - or TRYING to enter - the American workforce who suddenly have an unfiltered window into non-American lives and are wondering why tf we’re struggling and penny-pinching and toeing the line of poverty while our rich elected officials sit around and fight and argue over everything that actually matters to the citizens they supposedly represent and get richer all the while. THAT is why they’re banning the app, and that fact alone should terrify every single American citizen.

Not to mention the precedent it sets for other social media platforms!! You think some nebulous, unproven, and unfounded “threat to national security” will stop with TikTok?? They’ve already censored Adult Material on tumblr, who’s gonna stop them from coming back and doing it again or getting rid of it altogether for the exact same reason? It’s a blatant act of censorship and a direct attack on the American first amendment right to free speech.

NOTHING radicalized me the way tiktok did. I watched people in my life who were STAUNCH Trump supporters in 2016 AND 2020 wake up to the truth and vote blue for the first time in their lives BECAUSE OF TIKTOK, and did so with al the nuanced understanding that even Democrats are severely failing this country, but are at least better than the alternative. That level of awareness and presence in the average US citizen scares American politicians.

The fact that the vast majority of them - including the ones loudly opposing the ban!! - bought stock in Meta BEFORE the ban was legalized/upheld by the Supreme Court?? That Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk were legally allowed to lobby congress to ban TikTok when BOTH stood to DIRECTLY financially gain from their biggest competitor being banned in the US and are guilty of unethically gathering data and selling it to MULTIPLE third parties?? The fact that Trump is now teasing that he may or may not intervene to save TikTok when he was the one who talked about banning it in the first place AND ALSO OWNS HIS OWN COMPETING SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM??

It’s the burning of Alexandria. It’s the loss of a significant chunk of culture. It’s the sharp and sudden loss of contact with the rest of the world for more than half of all American citizens. It’s the loss of $240 BILLION dollars in the GDP when the country is already TRILLIONS of dollars in debt. And on an individualistic level, it’s the loss of millions of small businesses and primary income streams for so many individuals and families who found their primary audience on TikTok. Is the app perfect? HELL no. Are there significant changes needed to make it a safe environment for all users? ABSOLUTELY. But that can also be said of ANY social media platform. TikTok openly fostered connection and communication and creativity and compassion that is completely unique to that platform! It made so many people - myself included!! - feel less alone. I get the feeling I know what the general consensus is about TikTok on this site, but the ban on this app should scare the shit out of everyone.

[gghostwriter]

You’re the Risk, I’ll Take it

Spencer Reid x BAU!Fem!Reader

Summary: The three times Spencer followed advice and the one time he didn't (or as I'd like to better explain it, the three times Spencer fails to flirt and the one time it worked)

Warning: fluff! Just fluff!

A/n: I wanted to write something cute this time with Season 1 Spencer in mind--one of the best eras if you ask me. Hopefully I did him justice in this. The idea of this cute baby boy trying to flirt is too precious honestly. Also, if a guy did the last act for me, I'd fold like a lawn chair, yep. Risk by Gracie Abrams was on repeat while I was writing this and no proof reading was done. Let me know what you think!

Main masterlist

The first move Spencer tried was advised by Derek Morgan, the renowned ladies man

“Kid, admit it. You like her,” Morgan pestered him with a slight smile on his face. 

Spencer scoffed, trying to throw him off from the truth but monumentally failing. “S-she’s my closest friend. We joined the team at the same time, of course I feel most comfortable with her,” he noted his companion’s eyebrows raising higher and higher with each word. “Plus, she likes hearing what I say even if it has no relation to the case. She asks me questions and genuinely remembers.”

Now it was Morgan’s turn to scoff. “You could be talking about Star Trek and it’s physics mistakes and she’ll still hang on to every word you say.” 

“Actually, there aren’t that many scientific errors in Star Trek. Especially considering—”

“Reid.” 

“Right,” he nodded once, trying to push away the urge to continue further. “That still doesn’t mean I like her.” 

Morgan tapped the wheel twice before turning to face his partner. “Then answer me this. How do you feel when she walks through the office doors?” 

“Happy, I get the same feeling when I see you or Elle come in too,” he found his fingers very interesting then. Like they held the key to unlocking the mysteries of Dark Matter and the answer to the controversial scientific theory ‘Do parallel universe exist?’. He wasn’t telling the whole truth—didn’t want to because how could he, a man of science, explain the other bodily reactions he has when you walk in a room. How he hears his heart stutter in his chest with just a glimpse of you—the first time it happened, he thought nothing of it, but by the third, he considered making an appointment with a specialist for possible heart arrhythmia. How he sees the room brighten when you smile in his direction—perhaps light sensitivity, and how he feels his body heat up when you utter the words ‘Good morning, Spence.’—possibly hot flashes. Self diagnosis that he ruled out once he found you to be the common denominator. That left him with a riddle, a personal conundrum he lost countless of sleep over trying to solve.

“That’s a lie, Reid. You can’t be that happy to see me. You never blush like a tomato when I enter the room. For Greenaway, I could see it but for me, nu-uh,” he argued back. “Okay, what about when she’s not there, what do you feel then?” 

“Sad, similar to how I’d react with you and Elle,” he blurted out another half truth. Another surface level answer that doesn’t fully cover how lost he feels without your comforting presence beside him, how gloomy any room he enters in without you in it, and how incomplete his days were without hearing your voice. 

Morgan snickered. “Lies, you have to learn how to lie better to fool an FBI profiler, Reid. You don’t think I—the team, notice that you’re quieter when she isn’t on the case with us?”

“Wait. Wait, the whole team?” His voice goes up an octave. You were part of the team, did that mean you knew of the effect you had on him too? “D-Does everyone have the same idea as you do? Everyone?” 

“Not everyone, kid. Your secret is still safe,” He smiled wide like a cat that caught the canary. “So it’s true then, you like her.” 

Spencer knew there was no escape from trap, he was just glad that his secret still remained classified from the other party involved. His shoulders sagged as he nodded to confirm Morgan’s findings.

“So what’s your play then?”

His head whipped to face his companion so fast he felt his meticulously styled hair escape the confines of his ears. “Play? There’s no play. Nothing. I’m not going to do anything and this conversation stays between us.” 

“Oh c’mon lover boy, you have to do something,” Morgan challenged. “Y’know she likes you back, right?” 

“No she doesn’t! I mean, why would she?” Spencer rambled on, unable to comprehend what Morgan was saying. “She’s her—beautiful, smart, and cool. Every case we get, there’s at least one police officer hitting on her. And I’m me—I talk too much and get awkward in every situation. The exact opposite!”

“Reid, don’t sell yourself short. She likes you, trust me on this.” He paused, listening to the update on the intercom before continuing on. “So here’s what you’re going to do. Compliment her outfit, girls appreciate that. Easy enough, don’t you think?”

Spencer really didn’t think so after all he had the tendency to go off on a tangent whenever he talks to you but he agrees nonetheless. If Morgan believes he could do it then he couldn’t mess it up, right?

———

Wrong. It was wrong to take Morgan’s advice. Never mind he can recall everything he has ever read, never mind he has an IQ of 187. What good were his talents if he, Dr. Spencer Reid, couldn’t string the proper sentences along?

It started when you walked into the office wearing this light yellow blouse that made you more radiant than he thought possible. It was as if the a ray of sun had graced the bullpen and stunned his mind into silence, rendering him tongue-tied. All his monologues and hypothesis bouncing around his overactive brain fell away and the only thing he could think of was how pretty you look.

Morgan cleared his throat, bringing him back to the living. Spencer averted his awestruck gaze and busied himself with an imaginary lint on his red sweater. 

“Hey Y/N, did anything good this weekend?” Morgan asked as you settled into your desk adjacent to his.

You shrugged nonchalantly and teased back. “I bet it wasn’t good as yours, Morgan. Picked anyone up last Friday or are your charms no longer working?”

“Huh, i see where this is going. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of bed today.”

Morgan chanced a peek at Spencer and internally groaned. How you didn’t notice the kid’s crush on you was beyond him—all the staring and blushing he does when you’re near was a dead giveaway.

“Reid. Reid,” Morgan called out.

He closed his mouth and gulped. “Hm, what?” 

Morgan pointedly stared at him and titled his head towards your direction. A movement lost to you as you noted Elle leaving Gideon’s office.

Spencer opened his mouth to catch your attention but before he could even utter your name, Elle intervened. “Question for you, the foot path killer. Why’d he stutter?”

You swiveled to face her, not having caught Spencer’s intent to speak to you. The unit chief then called them in for a case—an arson case in a university campus. His shoulders drooped as they rushed to the jet afterwards with no chance of small talk. 

When there was a lull in the plane—case discussion finished, he steeled his already apprehensive nerves and took the chance, quickly wishing he hadn’t.

“S-so, your shirt’s yellow,” he stated out loud like it was some sort of revelation. 

“Yes,” you drawled out, unsure as to where he was going with this. “That’s right, Spencer.”

He drummed his fingers on the table and continued on. “Did you know that airplanes tend to avoid the color yellow as it causes dizziness and nausea? A number of studies have shown those exact results and that’s why it’s almost never used in interiors of various forms of transportation and rarely use in advertising. It’s like how the red is the most common color used by restaurants as it psychologically makes the viewer hungry.”

You looked down on your top. Yellow was one of your favorites and you specifically chose this as Penelope said and you quote, it looks good on you, brings out your eyes. Boy genius would probably react to it too so naively you splurged on it. But this—this wasn’t the response you were hoping for. “Spence, are you saying my shirt is making you feel nauseous?”

He blushed and stammered out a strong refusal. “What, no! No! I—I meant to say—you, you look nice.”

You giggled under your breath, finding his long-winded route to giving you a compliment cute. “Nice nice or airsickness nice?” 

“Nice! Just nice!” He defended on, his voice cracking at the end. He caught Morgan’s wide eyed gaze then as if he couldn’t believe what train wreck he just witnessed. 

Cheeks heating up further, Spencer slouched in his seat and busied himself with the files wishing that he could build a memory eraser so he could wipe the events from his and the team’s minds or better yet, a time machine to redo the whole thing all over again.

The second move Spencer tried was advised by Elle Greenaway, the new recruit

“Do you think it’s weird that I knew that ballad?” He questioned during one of their cases in San Diego. It bothered him since the start of the case. How Morgan had teased him about his incapability of asking out the opposite sex. Never mind that you defended him right back, that’s a lie, it made him feel special that you did but the joke was still true. A cold stone truth. 

Elle laughed, flipping her phone repeatedly on the table while waiting for the unsub to take the bait. “I don’t know how you know half the stuff you know, but I’m glad you do.”

“Do you think that’s why I can’t get a date?” He asked as he fiddled with the unfinished Rubik’s cube in his hands.

“Have you ever asked her out?”

There was no need to ask who Elle was referring to, everyone knew of his innocent—well maybe not so innocent at times specifically during his state of dreaming—crush for the second youngest member of the team. He shifted his eyes to focus a few tables before his—at you, sitting beside JJ. “No."

“That’s why you can’t get a date.” 

One of the precincts phone then rang, it was the unsub, causing him to table that conversation in his vast memory. 

———

There’s an English saying that states ‘the second time is the charm’ and Spencer was hoping there were some truth to the idiom even with no scientific explanation to back it up. 

A few cases after San Diego, he got an opening that he was unexpectedly looking for. The team was on their way back from a case in Virginia. It was late and the profilers were all tucked in their little corners of the jet decompressing while you and Spencer were huddled on the sofa quietly discussing Doctor Who. 

“How could you say your favorite is the Ninth Doctor when you haven’t even seen the older episodes?” He rambled, clearly he would have to do something about your limited knowledge in the great universe of Doctor Who. He’d like to explain it all, 695 episodes of the classic era to you. He’d take any topic really just to have your interest.

You stared into his hazel speckled eyes and smiled, amused by his reaction. “It’s a bit hard to catch up on a show that’s been around since the 70s. Plus, it’s a challenge to look for copies.” 

“Actually, the show started in the 60s—1963, to be exact,” he clarified. “Garcia has copies we could borrow and watch together. If that’s—” he cleared his throat and clenched his fists closed, feeling his nails dig into his palms. “—that’s alright with you. If—if not, there’s a convention happening this weekend. I have an extra ticket, if you want to come with—only if you’re not busy, I mean.”

“And risk you spoiling every episode to me? I’d rather watch it alone, if you don’t mind.”

That dragged his optimism to a crash as if a twenty ton weight landed on his chest, rendering him immovable. Of course you were going to say no. There was no proof that you���d reciprocate his interests—he inwardly cursed himself for believing otherwise.

“But, I’d like to go with you to the convention,” you said and silently added as your date to yourself, shifting in your seat with a blush blooming on your cheeks at the thought. “Always wanted to go to one. If you’re fine with me not being in a costume. I think it’ll be too late to find one, don’t you think?”

Just like that, the weight on his chest lifted, making him feel weightless with glee. A wide smile grew on his face, threatening to burst his cheeks as he shook his head. “That’s alright! But you—you can always dress up as Rose!”

You titled your head to the side. “Rose?” 

“You know, the Ninth Doctor’s companion?”

“I know who she is, Spence. I just thought you didn’t watch the revived series?”

He softly scoffed. “I never said that! I watched it too, mainly to compare it to the classics but I’ve seen it.”

You leaned in, wanting to ask about his opinion on it. “Well, what do you think? I happen to be part of the minority who think the actor who reprised the role did alright.”

He liked seeing you like this. It made him feel like a puppy who had his owner’s undivided attention. All wide eyed and interested in his conjectures as to why the actor was alright himself but the problems were his short stint—making people vilify him over that decision—and the material some of the writers came up with. He appreciated you nodding along and supplying your own thoughts on the subject. It warmed his heart that here was a beautiful, smart, and cool person—way out of his league, he might add—giving her precious time away to discuss a nerdy sci-fi show that he could not rant and rave to about to anyone on the team, except for Penelope, and she’s rarely on the field with them. 

Your show of interest made him feel seen. Not as an agent with 3 PHDs, not as a genius with 187 IQ, but rather as a person with a right to express himself and occupy space. He wasn’t Agent Spencer Reid with you nor Dr. Spencer Reid, he was just Spencer who likes to watch Doctor Who and read literature in their original language. 

The third move Spencer did was proposed by Penelope Garcia, the spirited tech analyst 

“What do you mean you took her to a convention? For a date?” Penelope squeaked out, unable to comprehend the logic behind the genius’ actions.

“She said she always wanted to go,” Spencer stated as the elevator stopped on the fourth floor. He had fun over the weekend. Going around booths with you, listening to invited guest panels talk about the behind the scenes, explaining the reference every costume that you’ve pointed out, and just basking in your presence beyond cases. It was a memory he had replayed over and over after it had ended. It occupied his whole mind, and that’s saying a lot, causing him to do nothing and sit in his leather sofa and smile like a lunatic during the rest of the weekend.

“Well yeah, but that’s not date material! A date is supposed to be intimate—you and I go to conventions together, do you count that as a date?” 

“What? No! No, of course not!” 

“Exactly, boy wonder. Then what makes you think she’ll count that as a date?” She countered back as she entered her office with Spencer in tow. 

Silence. Oh.

Penelope sighed, having read the despair painting his face. “Did you at least dress up as the Ninth Doctor?”

“What? No. No, I went as the Fourth Doctor. I even hand-knitted the scarf myself.”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before repeating what she just heard. “You didn’t dress up as her Doctor?”

“No,” he paused, unsure where she was going with this. “Should I had?”

“Yes! Yes, you should have!” Penelope slapped his arm out of frustration. “Why didn’t you call me once she said yes? We could have talked game plan or strategy or at least have gotten you a leather jacket to match her choice of companion.”

“Oh, I messed up then, didn’t I?” He slumped despondently on the office chair. “You—you don’t think she thought of it as a date at all?”

She played with her feathered pen, trying to find a way to salvage it for Spencer. “Did you take her out to dinner after?”

He shook his head, finally realizing his mistake.

“Oh Spencer,” she approached gently. “I can scoop for details with Y/N later on and report back to you?”

He shook his head. It didn’t feel right to have Penelope betray your trust and go behind your back over a mistake that he made. You were a honest person and you deserved to be treated with respect and reverence even though all he wanted now was peer into your viewpoint of the date—not date—and figure out once and for all if you saw him as anything beyond a co-worker and a friend. 

“Hm, I think I might just a solution,” Penelope blurted out of the blue. 

He looked up with a sliver of hope blooming in his chest. Maybe third time’s the charm. Besides, Penelope was the colleague you spent most of your time out with. You once mentioned that you considered her your best friend, besides from him of course. 

“You can bake her a batch of cookies! No one can say no to that,” she excitedly explained, believing it to be full proof—except for the fact that he doesn’t know how to bake. He wants to ask you out on a date but not to the expense of burning his whole apartment building down. 

“I can’t—I can’t bake, Garcia,” he squeaked out. “Did you know that 44% of all reported home fires are caused by cooking and baking. Those fires have resulted in an average of 470 civilian deaths and 4,150 civilian—”

She interrupted. “I’ll give you my recipe and detailed instructions to follow. That’ll make it easy peasy for you, boy genius.”

“C-can’t I just buy from her favorite bakery instead?”

“No can do, Doctor. Her favorite cookies just so happen to be my creation. She told me so herself.”

“Well, can’t I just ask you to make it for me? I’ll buy the ingredients!”

“Nope,” she dragged out her refusal. “Think of it as an act of service to her. Plus don’t you think it’s highly romantic when she finds out that you baked them yourself?” She swooned just thinking about it.

“Romantic? It won’t be romantic when I burn my apartment down, Garcia.”

She sighed. “Fine, I’ll supervise if you want. This weekend, granted if we’re free. But you—” she pointed her feathered pen at him. “—better be prepared and I’m just supervising, okay? I’m not baking it myself.”

He sighed. At least having Garcia around would make it easier.

———-

It did not in fact make it easier. Spencer burnt two batches before six pieces were considered edible. Garcia couldn’t understand, hell, he also couldn’t. Baking was precise and from his scientific viewpoint, it was a lot like chemistry. He loved science and anything academic, so how is it that he failed miserably, twice, when it came to baking? 

He shook his head as he entered the office. The first one—he stole a glance at Hotch’s office and saw movement—correction, the second one arriving early. Sometimes he wondered if the unit chief ever goes home, first in and last out.

He settled in his seat before promptly fidgeting from anticipation. Statistically speaking, you arrive earlier than Morgan or Elle which gave him enough time to gift the paper bag of cookies sitting hidden in his satchel without bringing attention to and embarrassing himself. He’d like to have little to no audience if he ever does mess it up for the third time. 

He brought out the cookies, afraid they’ll get crushed between his hardbound books, and placed them on your desk before standing to wash his clammy hands and make coffee. Counter intuitive of him to do as he was already a bundle of nerves and by drinking caffeine he was doubling that but maybe the smell would calm him before shooting up his energy by drinking.

As he exited the mens room, Penelope stepped out of the elevator and squealed. “Is she here? Is she? Did I miss it?”

He shook his head vigorously, trying to silence her excited glees. “No, she’s not here yet. She’ll—” he looked at his watch and ran the numbers. “—be here soon. I’m about to brew coffee. Do you want some?” He opened the door for both of them to enter the bullpen.

“Ick, no thanks,” Penelope said, scrunching her nose at the thought of drinking even a sip before scurrying away to her cave. “I’d rather not ruin my taste buds on bad coffee.”

He laughed and turned towards the kitchenette. With the coffee brewing, he drummed his fingers on the counter and mentally rehearsed what he would say to you. If he practiced, there’s less chance of messing it up like the first time, right? In his state of concentration, he missed you entering the office in all of your beautiful glory.

“Ooh cookies!” you exclaimed as you opened the unknown package on your table.

Spencer abruptly turned, hitting his side on the corners as he did. His eyes widened as he registered you holding the unsigned paper bag of treats on your desk. 

“They must be from Penny,” You continued on, oblivious to his presence and the devastation your remark caused him. Of course, he’d find another way to mess it up. You glanced around and your smile widened as you took in his handsome presence. “Oh hey Spence! Look, Penny made me cookies!” You tip-toed out of excitement. 

He smiled at your enthusiasm for something as simple as treats in the morning. The giggle you gave out as you entered the kitchenette was enough for him to slightly care less for the truth. He loved bringing out the happiness in you. It was like his own personal sunshine shining down on him, soaking him with vitamin D and boosting his overall sense of wellbeing. “Do you want coffee with that? It’s still hot,” he offered. 

You tapped the side of your hips with his as a sign of good will. “Thanks, Spence! This is turning out to be a great day, don’t you think?”

He watched as you busied yourself with putting cream and sugar in your of cup and sighed wistfully. “I think so too.”

And the last move Spencer did was recommended by no one but himself, the awkward 187 genius

With all three acts not delivering, he promised to try one last time without any outside interference besides from yours in his memory. You always did tell him to be himself in any situation, no matter how much he stumbled through any awkward situation—always there giving him a pat on the back for encouragement. 

Over the weekend, he spent his time reading two of your favorite books—which didn’t take much but he did read them again and again, regardless of his eidetic memory, trying to understand why these specific books were your comfort. Always pushed within the confines of your go bag, dog-eared and brown from age. He wanted to know how they’ve become an extension of you and how it had shaped you to the woman he has fallen in love with. 

He found himself hunched over his dining table, underlining sentences that made him think of you, scribbling away on the margins (and sometimes on post its too), and tabbing the written pages with a variety of colors that each represent an emotion. The act in it of itself made him feel closer to you than he thought possible. Lines in the books that made him think, ah so this was what formed your kind spirit. This is why your empathy knew no bounds. And this is why your beauty is inside and out.  

Spencer laid down to rest, anxious for the next day, Monday, to come. His heart threatening to beat out of his chest but his mind oddly calm as if it had a precognition that everything would turn out just right.

———

You arrived earlier than he did, throwing him off balance. 

“Hey Spence!” You greeted with a smile. “I got you a croissant and some coffee from that shop near my place.”

He blushed and stammered out a thank you. You were wearing a deep purple blouse that matched the scarf around his neck—the birthday gift you’ve given. He was no believer of the mystics but he took all of these as a sign from the stars. There was no way he would mess this up now.

“I—I got you something too,” he looked inside his satchel, hands shaking from it all. Gods, he wished this would go well or else, he might just die from embarrassment. “It’s nothing much but—I read your two favorite books and just—I wanted to discuss it with you,” he brought out the tabbed copies and presented them to you. “These are for you. I know you have copies of your own but I-I put my own notes on which lines reminded me of you.”

Your face turned red at the notion behind it all. Here was the BAU genius, the certified lover of the classics and the academia, the man who had your affections since day one, reading two contemporary literatures just for him to present you a gift like no other. You reached out and hugged the precious copies to your chest. 

“Thank you, no one’s ever done this for me before,” you breathed out, falling deeper into attraction with the perfection in front of you. “ Hey Spence, I may sound delusional asking this and you can say no if you want to but—” you visibly gulped, unaware of the audience nearby. “—would you like to have dinner with me? I make a mean lasagna.”

He turned red and vigorously nodded. “Y-Yes. Yes, I’d love to have dinner with you.”

You giggled, sounding like wind chimes to his ears. He did too, giggle I mean, from the triumph of finally knowing that his feelings were willingly reciprocated.

“Finally, you love birds!” Morgan shouted as he swung his arm around Spencer. “Didn’t know how much we could take from this pretty boy—” pointing at him “asking for advice and you—” pointing at you “—pretty girl is as dense as a rock. Tell me again how’d you end up as profiler with those observation skills.” 

A hand whacked him at the back. “Way to ruin the moment, Morgan.” Elle chided before turning to Spencer with a smile. “See told you, you could get a date.”

[thedarkestrivernymph]

Soft yan clan leader has me soo🫠 imagine the horror if he were to argue with his beloved wife or try to deny her something and she looks like she's about to cry or the grovel if he pissed her off and she ignored him ahhh i neeeed himmm

Oh my... the ideas in my head... 😶‍🌫️

Soft Yandere! Clan Leader x Wife! Reader

warnings(?): slight angst, very cheesy/romantic, emotions

note: it's written from his perspective:)

"I refuse." his tone was strict, reminiscent of a dull dagger that someone forgot to sharpen. That's what you did to him; you took his bite away.

Sighing he massaged his temples.

"I don't want my wife roaming around the streets ever again without my explicit knowledge." his fingers curled until his knuckles whitened.

"Do you have any idea of the sheer number of ill-intending people out on streets at nighttime? My love what if danger befell you while I wasn't there to shield you? What if some sick bastard—."

"Husband. Did I hurt you so?" your bottom lip trembled, shame glistened in the corners of your eyes; those beautiful eyes that he wanted to bind with silk so that no one else could admire them.

"My love I just worry—"

"I didn't want to cause you to worry." now you started sniffling and he could audibly hear his heart shatter. "I just missed my hometown so much and— I forgot myself. I am sorry." you muttered. He could detect the insecurity creep into your wavering tone; he was losing you again to the demons in your pretty head.

"I won't ever cause you trouble again, husband."

"My love that isn't what I—"

"Goodnight." you spun on your heel, adamant on slipping through his fingers like sand before he could even raise his voice in protest, demanding you to stay. If you just knew that he didn't blame you for getting carried away by the memories of your childhood, longing for a time much more innocent nor that he found you troublesome—he only wanted you safe and snug under his wing, why couldn't you understand?

But he wouldn't have that. No more. He would never tire of chasing you—but he couldn't bear the sight of your backside any longer.

"Love," his breath tickled the shell of your ear, on hand splayed across your waist, the other wrapped around your jaw, "don't run away. At least not today. I apologise, so much, for your husband's inability to make you understand just how much he loves you."

He sighed again, pressing a kiss to your earlobe, over the dangling diamond that had once belonged to his mother.

"Please don't think you're troubling me. I only worry because wherever you go you take my soul with you. And a man can't survive without that, now can he?" he drew you further in, engulfed you in his embrace, letting the darkness of the night be the only observer of the intimacy between the two of you.

"My love." he breathed.

"My love," he repeated,"I love you, please stop believing otherwise. I beg you of you. Please love me too." there was clear frustration in his tone, silent suffering that would only rarely slip through the cracks of his usual mask yet with you; he discarded that very facade alltogether.

The room was cloaked in darkness like so many other nights, yet this night felt colder, icy even. He was desperate to reach through to you. Slowly, the words he would always spit out felt repetitive; too artificial for his liking and he feared you would perhaps never believe in them.

"My love please—"

You kissed him.

He had searched for heaven before he met you, but now he found it between your lips. In the way you hugged him not with your arms but with your mouth, glossy gaze a split open, gazing at him as if you had finally, finally, accepted the truth.

It was mind-numbingly sweet; it didn't last very long, your tongue only shyly prodded at his bottom lip before you tried fleeting back like a startled deer, eyes everywhere but on him. Still, he held you in his arms refusing to let you escape—because now that he finally had a taste of heaven, he would never let you out of his embrace.

"I love you." he uttered. And now, even as you didn't reply, only looking away bashfully in the way he found so cute he could pinch your cheeks, he knew that he had finally succeeded.

He had captured your heart—the soul of his heaven, his sacramentum, his moon.

You were his.

[agreeewrites]

i would love to see 1000 secrets with barty crouch or regulus 😏

combining this with another reg request!! I have one coming for Barty soon too dw 🫶

1000 secret kisses | R.B.

cw: MDNI 18+, smut mentioned, secret relationships, fwb, drinkin

masterlist

Alright, Barty. Truth, dare, or shot,” Dorcas said, still coughing after the gulp of firewhisky she just took.

“Truth,” Barty replied.

“What's your most controversial opinion about someone in the group?” Dorcas challenged, and everyone ooooh’d.

Barty took a contemplative drag of his joint, then—“I would bet my left nut that Regulus is a virgin,” Barty said through a cloud of smoke.

“No way, look at him!” Pandora argued. “He fucks, guarantee it.”

The groups heads swiveled to Regulus, who was reclined lazily in arm chair, knees spread, a cigarette dangling from his fingertips. He looked supremely fuckable to you, like he always did.

That's why you've been secret friends with benefits for most of the school year.

You and Regulus were an unlikely pair; Reg, a certified grouch with a distaste for socializing, and you, a gifted student and natural flirt. But you found him fascinating, deeply intelligent and perceptive, with an artistic heart, even if he preferred not to show it. And he found you endearing, infectious in your enthusiasm.

You'd kissed him after a drunken night in Hogsmeade, and he'd sought you out the following day in the library. Now, you snuck away every chance you got, stealing secret moments around every corner, in every classroom, praying your friends never discovered the truth, lest you never hear the end of it.

This was just for the two of you, and you preferred it that way.

“I'm not saying he isn't sexy!” Barty argued. “I'm saying he couldn't be bothered to fuck someone, too busy reading poetry and glaring.”

“And you expect me to, what? Fuck everything with legs like you, Junior?” Regulus bit back.

“No, but like—I’ve never even seen you glance at someone,” Evan chimed in. “You've never talked about fancying someone, or gotten flustered.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

“Nothing shakes him, and he'd never tell you half-wits if he fancied someone because you can't keep your mouths shut,” Xeno laughed.

“It's not like it's anyone's business anyways,” you added, stealing the joint from Barty and taking a puff. “It's his business who he does, or doesn't, fuck.”

“Oh, come off it. He hasn't even had a crush on you, and we've all had a crush on you,” Barty said.

You nearly choked on your hit. “You're full of shit, Junior.”

“It's true! We talked about it the other day!”

You risked a glance at Regulus while you fanned the smoke from around your face, and found him glaring down at his lap, his expression was calm, but you'd long ago learned to judge his true feelings by his pale eyes. And right now, the hostility in them could raze the castle.

That must have been the day he abruptly dragged you from your dorm and into an empty classroom. He toyed with you until you cried, begging him to get you off. And when he finally let you ride him, you weren't allowed to come until you told him exactly who you belonged to. Making you spell out his entire name, letter by letter, thrust by thrust.

Regulus Arcturus Black.

Your pussy shivered just thinking about it.

“Can we get on with the game, please?” Pandora huffed. “It's y/n’s turn.”

Barry grinned over at you, and you groaned. Why on Salazar's shitty earth did you think it was a good idea to sit next to him?

“Truth, dare, or shot, my darling?” Barty asked, his voice a seductive purr.

You really didn't want to take a shot of that lukewarm swill, and you had a hunch of what Barty's question would be: do you fancy any of us? Leaving you with one option.

“Dare.”

Barty’s eyes lit up, and he rubbed his hands together like a supervillain. “You've made a grave error, my dearest y/n.”

“Don't be an ass, Crouch. Play fair,” Regulus warned, the edge of his voice sharper than was probably necessary.

“Oh, you'll like this Reggie, don't worry.” Barty presented his palms to you, like he was offering a gift. “Treasure, I dare you to make Regulus blush.”

“That's not fair!” Pandora argued. “How is she supposed to do that?”

“By any means necessary.” Barty grinned.

You looked at Regulus, who was already looking at you. “I don't want to cross any lines—”

“And when she fails?” Regulus asked, a hint of a smirk on his pretty mouth. Baiting you.

“Then she takes two shots,” Barty wagered.

You looked back and forth between them, all eyes on you. “Deal,” you said, pushing to your feet.

Regulus' eyes widened a fraction, like he didn't expect you to actually go for it, but he vastly underestimated your pettiness. And you would love nothing more than to be the thing that made Regulus finally crack in front of his friends. A tiny consultation for months of keeping secrets.

You sashayed over to him, ignoring the whistles and shouts from your friends, focused entirely on Regulus' smug face. His eyes roamed over you, lingering at the edge of your skirt, the sway of your hips, and you caught the unmistakable sign of his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and his arrogant expression faltered.

Already, you were making him sweat.

You knew none of your regular tricks would work on him, he was impervious to flirting, but you had an ace up your sleeve.

Carefully, you perched on the arm of his chair, being mindful to not actually touch him, knowing it would bother him to have you so close without being able to touch. He shifted a little in his seat, a fraction closer to you, fingers tightening on his cigarette.

You took a pull from the joint, filling your lungs with its acrid burn. You looked at Regulus expectantly, and he smirked before tilting his head back for you. You leaned in and he parted his lips, letting you blow the smoke into his mouth.

Your friends continued to whoop and cheer, but you focused on Regulus' proximity, the hazy feeling coarsing through your blood.

Merlin, you wanted to kiss him.

Instead, when the last of the smoke left your lungs and entered his, you shifted to whisper in his ear. “Took that hit so well, sweet boy,” you purred, letting your lips brush the shell of his ear.

You felt his body hitch, wanting to cough up the smoke, but he managed to blow it out of the corner of his mouth, casting you vicious side eye. To your delight, you noticed a delicate pink stain was crawling up his neck, warming the tops of his cheekbones.

“She did it!” Evan cheered, and the rest of the group roared in approval.

“Brat,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes. You knew you'd be paying for it later, but it was so worth it to know you had an affect on him no one else did.

You sauntered back over to your seat, smiling ear to ear and basking in the groups praise.

Regulus tried to play it off, but there was no going back now. And you knew he was in trouble when it was finally his turn.

“Alright, Reggie,” Pandora said. “Truth, dare, or shot.”

You already knew what he would pick: Reg hated booze, and would rather run around the common room naked than fess up to something.

“Dare,” he said, taking a bold glance at you.

Pandora caught it, of course, and a tendril of uncertainty coiled in your stomach.

“I dare you to make y/n blush back.”

Regulus huffed a low laugh. “Come on, Dora. Give me a challenge.”

You glared at him, and he winked back. Maybe it was the weed, or his competitive nature, but you'd never seen him so brazen.

Everyone ooooh’d.

“Fine, I dare you to kiss one person in the circle!”

Your heart sunk. Even if it was platonic, a stupid dare, you didn't particularly want to see Regulus kiss someone else. Your feelings for Regulus has grown over the course of the your secret relationship, and while neither of you were ready for labels, that didn't mean you wanted to share him, or vice versa if the night in the classroom was any indication.

Regulus narrowed his eyes at her. “Not everyone consents to being kissed by me.”

“I consent!” They all chorused, and you inwardly groaned.

“What? You've never fucked and you've never kissed someone?” Barty teased, ramping up the pressure.

“Fuck off, Crouch,” Regulus hissed. The game was getting to him, and your friends were feasting on his rare display of discomfort.

You'd feel bad for him if you weren't feeling so sorry for yourself. Reg would probably kiss Barty just to shut him up, and then storm off to bed. Leaving you to decipher his words and actions like every night spent without him there to prove his affection with his hands and mouth.

Shit, maybe this arrangement had gotten more out of control than you realized.

“How the fuck is Sirius such a lady-killer, and his little brother is the virgin fuckin’ Mary?” Barty was too busy laughing at his own jokes to notice Regulus get up and prowl across the circle towards him.

Barty finally noticed when Reg was almost on top of him, but at the last second, Regulus pivoted. His hand shot out to grab you by the hair, roughly tilting your head back for the bruising kiss he planted on your unsuspecting lips.

You squeaked in surprise, but quickly gave way for him, melting under his firm, insistent mouth as his tongue delved between your teeth to taste you.

As quickly as he swept in, he was gone, leaving you wide eyed and breathless as he stalked back to his seat and dropped into it, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What was it you said? ‘Y/n has the most gorgeous mouth you'd ever seen’?” Regulus said, a mocking edge in his voice. “That you'd ‘give anything to taste her'?”

Barty gaped like a fish.

Regulus smirked. “I’ll have that left bollock now. And I'll take the other one if I hear my girl’s name on your mouth again, you prick.”

Everyone gasped, including you, but Regulus didn't even flinch.

“Understood?” He glared at Barty, then the others, until each one of them lowered their eyes in submission.

Regulus beckoned you forward with two fingers and you jumped up, crossing the space between you and allowing him to pull you into his lap. He threaded his fingers through your hair, pulling you in for another kiss, little more than a peck, but it still made your head spin.

“So, secrets out?” You asked, meeting his eyes.

Regulus shrugged, pecking your cheek. “It doesn't change anything,” he murmured, kissing the corner of your mouth. “I’m yours.” He kissed your nose, your temple, your lips, down your neck, until all of your friends dispersed, making disgusted noises as they fled such a public display of affection.

But you couldn't be happier, grinning like a fool as you basked in a thousand not-so-secret kisses.

© agreeewrites 2025. do not copy, translate or claim my writing as your own.

[fading-event-608]

Hello! I see people here are talking about Gaza again. 

I’m not one to vaguepost, nor do I usually spend time arguing with zionists and liberals online, but the amount of “pro-Palestine” liberals I’ve seen in the last day saying that Gazans “deserve genocide” because Trump won…

I’m not surprised to hear that democrats are mad at third-party voters. It’s true that even if all swing third-party votes went to Kamala she’d still have lost, but reality isn’t important to these people. Democrats want a monopoly - of course they’re upset at everyone who isn’t voting for their party. Of course they’re more upset with communists and anarchists than they are with nazis.

None of this is new. But even though we’ve seen these patterns before, I am absolutely sick to witness these people blaming Palestinians for this. I’m sick hearing them almost gleefully wishing for Gaza to be turned into a parking lot. I’m sick coming across individualistic little diatribes about how they’re “done” boycotting, “done” helping others.

Is it Palestinians’ fault that Kamala’s campaign was so poorly run?

Is it Palestinians’ fault that the US is now so full of nazis that the Democrats lost the popular vote for the first time since 2004, by 5 million votes?

Is it Palestinians’ fault that the US supplies and supports Israel in their annihilation of Gaza and other occupied Palestinian territories, as well as neighbouring countries?

Is it Palestinians’ fault that the government assisting Israel’s genocidal project was, for the past four years, Biden’s administration? A Democrat’s administration? 

The crime that Palestinians have committed in the eyes of these liberals is the crime of existing where said liberals can see them - namely, on social media. The unofficial charges: not being silent, resisting, asking for help from the people best equipped to give money for their survival. So again, I’ll ask - is it the fault of Palestinians that the people best equipped to help them are those in the imperial core? That the people Palestinians must go to for help are people benefitting from both this genocide and the genocides the empires that house them are built on?

Of course the gravest offence is interrupting the liberal supply of white noise. Comfort is, after all, the biggest priority in liberalism - silence and denial is self care. Murder by proxy is the most popular of hobbies, and is best enjoyed with the sound off. But Palestinians are not quiet. You can see their faces now - and the identification of them as something other than faceless, or rather someone, begins to burrow through the insulation built up around you. 

You have the barest sense of how fragile your world is. You can either turn away from this, or continue your journey towards the truth. These liberals are examples of those violently turning away and taking up the slaughter again, desperate to dispel any reminders that they are not the only people on earth worthy of life.

You can literally buy an indulgence now by donating to a Palestinian fundraiser. Yes, even if you’re not a Democrat, or you’re from Europe (chances are your government supplies Israel too, or is at least complacent), or there’s any other facet of your identity that supplies nuance. This is up to all of us, no matter who we are. 

I’ve been spotlighting Falastin’s campaign to save her family in Gaza for more than two months now. I will continue to do so until they’re safe; but their safety will likely be a long time coming. This is in part because Falastin’s campaign must support 24 people, and in part because donations are slowing down - not only for Falastin, but for a lot of other fundraisers I keep an eye on. To be afraid for so many people while watching liberals angrily abandoning this cause is distressing and disheartening.

This is life or death. I don’t care who you are, and I care even less to hear if you’ve voted or who you voted for. All I ask is that you boost this post and, if you can, donate to Falastin. The Gofundme is in SEK and the rates are:

10$ = 107 SEK

25$ = 269 SEK

50$ = 538 SEK

100$ = 1,076 SEK

You can also donate via PayPal in USD: [LINK]

We also host a raffle for hand-made Palestinian thob [info HERE], and the first winner will be chosen in a bit less than 2 days. 

P. S. Yes, Falastin’s campaign has been vetted, several times across multiple platforms:

#282 in El-Shab-Hussein and Nabulsi's spreadsheet [HERE], 

#957 in the Butterfly Project spreadsheet [HERE]

Falastin's account: [LINK]

[wosospacegirl]

tears you won’t let fall - Alexia Putellas

Summary: Alexia wants Y/n to open up, to be vulnerable, but Y/n can't seem to do it.

Word count: 1.6k

a/n: some angst with happy ending (and comfort <3) . finished writing this may 12t (draft)

..

Y/n wasn’t very expressive with her emotions. She never had been.

Not when she was a kid riding her bike and fell face-first onto the pavement. Not when she was playing football and one of the bigger kids shoved her against the goalpost.

She didn’t cry then. 

She didn’t cry later, either.

Not when her first girlfriend broke up with her. Not when she got injured and had to stay off the pitch for five long months. 

Not even when she and Alexia argued, something that, lately, was happening more often than she would like. And somehow, that was the part that seemed to bother Alexia most.

Y/n was sitting on the sofa, he rback against the cushions, staring ahead while Alexia paced in front of her, arms crossed tightly. 

The fight they were having was ridiculous; it had started over something small, a flicker of jealousy, but it had spiralled, like it always did, into something much bigger, thanks to Alexia.

Alexia and Y/n had been dating for a year now. Their teammates and close friends knew.

The world didn’t.

Alexia was calculated when it came to Y/n, especially when cameras were involved.

To anyone watching them in the locker room, they looked like just teammates. Maybe not even friends. Alexia kept her distance like it was part of some strategy plan.

She was calculated about it...cold even.

Y/n didn’t mind. She wasn’t one for big displays of affection. She didn’t need to be paraded around to know she was loved. Alexia always made sure she felt it… just not publicly.

So, Yn was very much surprised when Alexia and Jenni Hermoso - her ex – stood side by side on the red carpet, fingers laced, smiling brightly while photographers snapped away like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Lika Alexia and Jenni were the ones dating, not Alexia and Y/n, but well, for them, they weren’t. Alexia’s smile never faltered; she held Jenni’s hands, beaming at her.

Y/n didn't mind that Alexia wanted to keep their relationship private, but that didn’t mean she was okay with Alexia being physical with other people.

It upset her. More than she expected. So, she did what she always did. She shut down.

Alexia had noticed immediately. 

She sat beside Y/n at the event dinner table, chatting with the other Barça girls who were also at the event, but Y/n didn’t even look at her. Didn’t say a word. Didn’t even try.

Y/n wasn’t the most expressive person in the world, but Alexia could read her like a book, she had to learn how, or else their relationship wouldn’t survive.

Alexia wasn’t melodramatic. She wasn’t even particularly fond of talking things through. But she was always honest with herself, with her feelings, and she made sure Y/n knew exactly how she felt.

Y/n didn’t do the same.

When Y/n pressed her lips just a little too tightly, or started opening and closing her hand under the table, Alexia knew.

She knew something was wrong. She also knew she would spend the whole fucking night trying to pry the truth out of her.

And she was tired of that. Tired of having to guess what was going on inside her girlfriend’s head.

When they left in separate cars, because ‘professionalism’ still mattered even after all that, Alexia was already fuming.

“Just tell me,” Alexia snapped, forty minutes later, pacing in front of the sofa while Y/n sat silently. “It can’t be that fucking hard!”

Y/n said nothing.

“Every time you get upset, you shut down like this,” Alexia continued, running a hand through her hair. “Do you know how stressful it is to guess what you’re thinking?”

Still nothing.

It was like the inexpressiveness(the silence) was a physiological reflex her body had learned over time. She wasn’t quiet because she wanted to be.  She was quiet because… she didn’t know how not to be.

Because it felt like she had to physically force the words out. Her body just wouldn’t do what she wanted. Her tongue would not move, her teeth would feel heavy, and her lips would be dry.

Y/n wasn’t crying. Her eyes were heavy with unshed tears, but they stayed put as she looked at Alexia, unsure how to react. Unsure what to say.

Talking when she was upset made her feel vulnerable. It sent her anxiety spiralling. It felt like opening a door when you didn’t know who was on the other side.

Alexia had never hurt her. She never said anything that made Y/n regret opening up. 

And still (still) her body locked down every time. Maybe it was something from her childhood. Some old scar she had never even realised she was carrying.

Alexia let out a frustrated sigh and knelt in front of her, resting her hands on Y/n’s thighs.

“Look,” she said, voice softer now. “Te amo. You understand that, sí?”

Y/n nodded.

“You were upset earlier because I was with Jenni?”

Another nod.

“Okay,” Alexia said, finally beginning to understand.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. They asked for those poses, for the sponsors. That’s why I did it. I don’t want to hold anyone’s hand but yours, vale?”

Y/n’s lips trembled, but she didn’t cry.

“Are you still upset about the picture?” Alexia asked, her tone quieter now.

Y/n shook her head.

“Are you upset because I’m upset?”

A small nod.

Alexia let out a slow breath, her shoulders drooping slightly.

“You still don’t want to talk?”

Y/n didn’t answer. Instead, she glanced around, reached for a crumpled grocery list on the coffee table, and grabbed a pen.

She scribbled something down quickly and handed it to Alexia.

I can’t talk. It doesn’t feel good.

Alexia looked at the note for a moment, her lips pressing together before she looked back at Y/n.

“Okay,” she said gently. “You’ll talk when you’re ready. No pressure, mi amor.”

She stood, then moved to the sofa and sat down beside her.

“Can I hold you?”

Y/n nodded.

Alexia gently pulled her onto her lap. Y/n straddled her thighs, their faces just inches apart.

“I just don’t understand why you shut down so badly every time we fight,” Alexia said quietly.

Y/n looked at her, unsure how to explain something she didn’t understand herself. Alexia reached up, cupping Y/n’s jaw in her palm.

“You’ve got tears you won’t let fall, huh?” she whispered, thumb brushing lightly over her cheek.

She looked at her for a long moment, something quiet and aching in her gaze.  Then she pulled her closer. Her arms circled Y/n’s waist as she leaned back into the sofa.

“Ven aquí… lay your head here, sí?” she said softly, guiding Y/n’s head to her shoulder. [come here]

“I don’t want you to keep everything inside like that,” she murmured against her hair. “You can drown me in your emotions, I won’t mind. I just want you to feel safe with me. That’s all I want.”

Y/n just stood there, in Alexia’s embrace.

She let herself be held, let herself be soft under Alexia’s touch. Her body relaxed, and her breathing evened out. It felt like peace, but inside, her chest was still heavy, still filled with the things she couldn’t say.

Alexia pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Ay, preciosa,” she murmured. “Ya está, vale? Todo está bien.” [It’s over now, okay? Everything’s alright.]

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

And then it happened: a soft, barely there sniffle. The kind that only comes when you’re trying not to be heard. Alexia stilled. She didn’t know if she should speak or just stay quiet and hold her tighter.

So she did the only thing that felt right. She wrapped her arms more firmly around Y/n’s waist and let her cry. Her shirt slowly dampened where Y/n’s face was tucked into her neck.

And even like that, even crying, Alexia could feel how much she was holding back. There was barely any sound to her crying; there was no sobbing, just the slight warmth of Y/n’s tears on her shirt.

If it weren’t for the wetness, Alexia might have thought she wasn’t crying at all.

“I’m sorry,” Y/n whispered against her shoulder, barely audible.

Alexia closed her eyes, heart twisting. She pulled Y/n in tighter, her hand gently cradling the back of her head.

“Ese,” she breathed, pressing another kiss to her hair, “is my favourite sound in the world, your voice.” [this]

Y/n let out a breath that trembled, but still, the smallest smile broke through her tears.

It wasn’t much. But it was something.

Y/n buried her face deeper into Alexia’s neck, her tears now flowing more freely. Her breath was shaky, words muffled against Alexia's skin.

“I just-I can’t.... It’s like…” Y/n’s voice was barely a whisper, and she struggled to form the thoughts, to form the words. “I don’t know why… It just… makes me feel so… confused?”

Her words trailed off, too tangled in her chest and in her throat to find their way out, as if her body and mind were a labyrinth.

Alexia could barely make out what Y/n was saying, but she didn’t push her to speak more clearly.

She just held her, keeping her presence steady. She was there, and that was what mattered.

“Keep talking, preciosa,” Alexia murmured, though she wasn’t sure if Y/n could even hear or understand her. “I’m here. No need to rush.”

Y/n continued, voice growing softer, the words slipping out between her silent cries.  “It’s like… when everything just builds up, and I can’t… I just shut down, and then everything hurts more.”

Alexia’s heart tightened, though she didn’t interrupt. She knew Y/n needed to say this, even if it didn’t come out perfectly, even if it didn’t make sense to her just yet.

“Y/n, you don’t have to explain everything, just breathe.”

Y/n nodded into her neck, as if hearing those words gave her just a little more room to be vulnerable. 

But she didn’t stop talking, and Alexia just kept her close and listened.

..

a/n: This is for us, girlies who keep everything inside. based on a fight I had with my ex <3 it ended in a break-up and not in comfort, though but it's ok.

Tag list: @fortifyde, @naomigirmadefender , @neutraiise , @milkveed, @browercc , @ace-of-baked , @ikzzzya , @sky-the-trans-guy00 , @knight-16 , @wosohk04 , @evaissleepy13, @papimapileon , @unpoppablebubbles @whiskeredshrimp-blog @goodloe-e @liloandstitchstan @s0ciety-cxv @dfwspky @karmajn @awosofavs @wosofavfanfics @riyaexee @miaereen

[fullsunstrawberry]

I don’t think I’m okay. MDNI

He’s not one to cry, but the truth is—your heartbeat is the only thing that keeps him from falling apart.

Word Count: 6.9k

Warnings: small details of a car crash, hospital, not being able to move in your own body, crying, thoughts of death VERY EMOTIONAL… (now the smutty warnings) fingering, emotional sex?, vanilla, some dirty talk, jake has a boner.

Author's note: I’m so sorry @johnnysubmarine…forgive me queen

You skid around a tight corner on the wet Seoul streets, heart bobbing in your throat as rain lashes the windshield. One moment you're gripping the wheel; the next, a horn blares, metal screeches, and crunch. Everything explodes into shards of light and impact. Your world flips upside down. Pain blossoms everywhere.

When you come to, you’re surrounded by blaring fluorescent lights and the rhythmic beeping of machines. You’re strapped to a gurney, gown torn, consciousness drifting in and out. Your arm aches, your chest burns, and panic rises—but you can't move. You try to call out, but your voice is muffled beyond recognition. Darkness seeps back in.

Outside the emergency room, Jay paces back and forth, each step a whispered plea to keep you alive. He grips his phone so tightly his knuckles pale, thumb drumming against the screen in a rhythm that mirrors his pounding chest. His brow constantly pinched. Every glance toward the closed door makes his heart hammer harder.

Moments later, Jungwon bursts through the sliding glass, tears already shimmering in his eyes. His voice is brittle, thick and unsteady, when he whispers your name. Heeseung follows, shoulders slumped, voice quivering, each syllable heavy with dread. Sunghoon and Sunoo trail close behind, clutching tissues so tightly their fingers tremble.

And then there’s Jake. He stands apart, rigid and still. His face is hollow—so vacant that disbelief seems to have buried every trace of emotion. He hasn’t cried in so long that tears have become foreign to him, and his silence speaks volumes. Occasionally, a microexpression flickers across his eyes—a flash of hurt so quick it feels unreal. He speaks your name softly, breaking the hush, and you can almost hear the disbelief coat his voice, like he’s trying to speak through cement.

A nurse steps into the waiting room, her voice calm but firm. “Only one visitor at a time,” she says gently. The words sink like a stone into the silence. No one argues. They just nod, understanding that this is all they’ll be allowed—small windows of time with you, while the rest of the world holds its breath outside.

Jay goes in first.

The moment he steps into your room, the quiet hits him harder than anything. The steady beep of the heart monitor is the only thing that reminds him you’re still here—still fighting. He approaches slowly, like any sudden movement might shatter the fragile air surrounding you. You’re pale beneath the harsh hospital lights, wires trailing from your arms, lips parted slightly. So still. Too still.

Jay sinks to his knees beside the bed, brushing your hair gently off your forehead like he’s done a hundred times before—back when things were normal. His fingertips tremble. “Hey,” he whispers, voice thick, almost breaking. “I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Tears slip down his cheeks before he can stop them. He doesn’t wipe them away. He just holds your hand and keeps whispering to you, telling you about all the little things you’re missing. The texts piling up. The boys waiting outside. The world pausing for you.

When his time is up, he kisses your knuckles and forces himself to stand. Walking out is harder than walking in.

One by one, the others go in. Jungwon speaks to you softly, his voice catching between every word. Sunghoon presses his forehead to the back of your hand. Sunoo sits stiffly at first, then crumbles into a quiet sob. Heeseung tries to stay strong for you, but his hands won’t stop shaking.

Then Riki steps in.

He hesitates in the doorway, just for a second. It’s not fear holding him back—it’s shock. He’s never seen you like this. His usual playful energy is gone, replaced with a solemn stillness that doesn’t fit someone so young. He walks slowly to your side, his shoulders drawn tight, lips pressed in a flat line.

“Hey, dummy,” he says softly, forcing a half-smile, even though his voice cracks. “You weren’t supposed to get hurt. That’s, like, the one rule.”

He stands there for a beat, then pulls a small, worn plush keychain from his hoodie pocket—the one he always teased you for carrying around. He places it on the edge of the bed near your pillow.

“I figured you might need some backup.”

His eyes shine, but he refuses to cry. Not here. Not in front of you. Instead, he leans forward, taps your hand gently, and whispers, “Hurry up and wake up already. I miss hearing you yell at me.”

He doesn’t stay long. Just enough time to say what he needed to. He slips out quietly, hands stuffed in his pockets, head down—but not before glancing back one more time, like he’s making sure you’re still there.

Each of them carries the same weight on their shoulders, and each of them leaves with it a little heavier.

By the time they’ve all taken their turn, they’re drained—emotionally rung out. They sit quietly in the hallway, too tired to talk, too full of thoughts to sleep. They’ve said everything they could think of, hoping something—anything—might reach you.

And all the while, Jake waits.

He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move much. Just sits in the farthest corner of the hallway, elbows resting on his knees, hands hanging loosely between them. His eyes stay fixed on the door to your room like it might open just for him, like staring hard enough might make you walk out the door.

But the door stays closed.

He listens to the muffled sounds from inside—soft footsteps, the gentle murmur of voices, the occasional rustle of someone brushing your hair back, trying to comfort you. And every time someone walks out, Jake straightens a little, like he’s about to rise. But then someone else stands up faster.

So he stays where he is.

Jake hasn’t cried. Not yet. His face is blank, but not calm—more like a storm that refuses to break. It’s not that he doesn’t feel anything. It’s that he feels everything all at once, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. The fear, the guilt, the helplessness—they all build up, pressing against his chest until it hurts to breathe. But no tears come. Not yet.

His mind replays the same thought on a loop: She can't be like this. Not her. Not Y/n.

His knee bounces. His thumb rubs circles against the side of his jeans. Little motions that keep him grounded. The rest of the boys sit quietly down the hall, worn out and red-eyed, but Jake—he’s still waiting for his turn. His moment. The one where he can finally be alone with you. The one where maybe, just maybe, you'll hear him.

And in that small, dim corner of the hospital corridor, surrounded by antiseptic air and fluorescent hums, Jake waits.

Silent.

Still.

Desperately holding onto hope.

Waiting for his moment.

Jake lifts his head slowly, like the weight of the waiting has anchored him in place. He stands, but not all at once, his legs feel stiff, almost foreign, as if the hours of sitting have turned his body into something unfamiliar.

The moment he enters your room, the rest of the world fades.

It’s quiet—too quiet. The soft beep of the heart monitor fills the silence, spaced out just enough to remind him that your heartbeat is far too slow. The IV drips steadily, machines hum, and you're there in the middle of it all. Still. Fragile.

Jake doesn’t rush to you. He just stares for a long moment, frozen in the doorway. You don’t look like you. Not with the bruises, the bandages, the pale tone to your skin. Not with the life so dimmed in your face.

He walks to your bedside and sits in the chair like he’s done it a thousand times but this is different. This time, you’re not smiling. You’re not teasing him or nudging him with your foot. You’re not looking at him with that spark in your eyes.

He reaches out, slowly, and takes your hand in both of his.

It’s warm. Not warm enough. But still warm.

Jake swallows hard and shifts forward, resting his elbows on the bed. He doesn’t say anything at first. There’s too much to say. Too much that he knows can’t be undone. So he just sits there, holding your hand like it’s the one thing keeping him tethered to this moment.

When he finally speaks, his voice is low and flat, not empty, but contained. Carefully held back, like if he lets too much slip, everything might pour out.

“You scared the hell out of me,” he says softly.

He watches your chest rise and fall, eyes flicking to the heart monitor with every beat.

“I didn’t think it would be like this. I didn’t think… it would feel like this. Seeing you like this. I thought I was numb. I thought I couldn’t feel anything anymore.”

His thumb rubs gently over your knuckles, slow and steady.

“But it turns out I was just waiting for something that mattered enough to wake me up.”

His gaze drifts over your face, lingering on every detail. The cuts. The swelling. The stillness.

“I don’t even know if you can hear me. Maybe you can. Maybe this is just for me,” he murmurs, leaning a little closer. “But I’m here. And I’ll keep being here. I don’t care how long it takes. I just need you to come back.”

Still no tears. Just a quiet ache beneath his voice, stretching through every syllable.

He doesn’t ask questions. Doesn’t beg. Doesn’t make promises he can’t keep. He just holds your hand and listens—to the soft machines, to your shallow breaths, to the space between them.

And even without tears, his silence says everything.

Days bleed into one another. The waiting room becomes a second home, coffee-stained tables, whispered updates from doctors, sleepless nights folded into stiff chairs. You hover in the gray between life and death, a ghost tethered to beeping machines and sterile air.

Tonight, it’s Riki’s turn to sit with you.

The others insisted he get rest, being the youngest, but he refused. Said he’d take the late shift. So now, he’s curled in a chair beside your bed, hoodie pulled up over his head, long legs awkwardly folded, eyes struggling to stay open.

But he doesn't leave.

Your fingers twitch.

It’s the smallest movement—but it’s enough. Riki jerks upright like he’s been shocked, eyes snapping open as he stares at your hand. His breath catches. “Wait…?”

He leans forward, heart pounding.

Your eyelids flutter.

“Y/n?” he whispers, like your name is sacred. He reaches for your hand, just as your fingers twitch again—more purposeful this time.

“Guys—!” he bolts upright, stumbling to the door. “She’s moving—she’s awake!”

He bursts out of the room to call everyone. In a rush of hope, they flood in—eyes wide, hearts pounding. Jungwon’s back bent as he leans over you, tears falling. Sunghoon and Heeseung exchange glances; Jay sinks to his knees. They’re all there.

Before Jake can follow, nurses swarm in: “Emergency protocols. Please, everyone, leave.” The door clicks shut.

He’s right outside of the door. The silence hits him like a wave. The soft hum of machines, the sterile buzz of fluorescent lights above, the distant echo of a cart rolling down the hall. It all feels too loud and too quiet at the same time.

Jake’s back presses against the wall to the right of your door. as if he needs something solid to hold him up. But it doesn’t help.

His knees buckle.

He sinks to the floor without resistance, legs folding under the weight of everything he’s carried—every unsaid word, every helpless second, every memory of you full of light and laughter, now locked behind hospital glass. His hands rise to his face, fingers digging into his hair, palms pressing into his eyes like he could push the pain back in.

Tears he hasn't shed in years come crashing out of him, harsh and raw. They’re not loud, not sobs, just silent, shaking grief. His body trembles as if his heart is being drained out with each breath. No one sees him like this. No one ever does.

Minutes pass by when the door suddenly opens.

Nurses rush out, their voices sharp but controlled. “She’s responding–.”

Jake’s heart slams against his ribs. Behind them, he catches a glimpse: your eyes fluttering, your hand twitching again. The boys scramble forward at the same time.

“Is she awake?”

“Y/n—can she hear us?”

“Wait, wait, let me see her face—!”

They don’t wait for answers. The moment the nurses give the signal, they rush in, voices full of relief and disbelief, calling your name over and over. You blink slowly, dazed, like you’re waking from the deepest sleep of your life. Their voices crowd the room—Sunghoon’s choked whisper, Sunoo and Heeseung crying again, Jungwon holding your hand, Riki hovering over watching, Jay near your shoulder murmuring, “You scared us.”

But even in the chaos, your gaze shifts.

Through the blur of light and figures, you see him.

Jake—standing in the doorway, just barely inside the room. Not moving. Not saying a word. His eyes still red, his face tight with emotion he’s not used to wearing out loud. He looks broken. Shaken. Vulnerable in a way no one ever sees him.

And it tugs something deep in you.

Your voice comes out barely above a breath, soft and scratchy.

“…Jake?”

All the noise cuts out. The boys fall silent.

You blink slowly, eyes locked on his. “Where’s Jake?” you repeat, barely audible.

He doesn’t move at first, stunned. Your voice, the way you said his name like it meant something, like it mattered more than any other word, hits him straight in the chest.

Jay steps aside. “She’s asking for you.”

Jake walks toward you slowly, cautiously, like you might disappear again if he moves too fast. He stops at your bedside, eyes searching yours, still unsure if this is real.

Your fingers move slightly, reaching for him.

“You’re crying,” you whisper hoarsely. “You never cry.”

Jake exhales shakily, a ghost of a laugh escaping through the lump in his throat. He sits down beside you and gently takes your hand.

“I know,” he says, voice barely holding together. “But you scared the hell out of me.”

At first, it seems like that’s all he’ll say. But the silence that follows isn’t calm—it’s heavy. His lips part like he might say more, but nothing comes out. His fingers tighten around yours.

And then, suddenly, everything he’s been holding back erupts.

He leans forward, his forehead dropping against your arm, and the breath he lets out isn’t steady. His shoulders begin to shake. Not subtly. Not quietly. Fully.

You blink, trying to clear the fog in your mind, the meds still pulling at your focus. But you feel it—his grip, the tremble in his hands, the way his chest rises and falls too quickly. You hear it too. The choked-off gasps he tries to muffle. The ones that betray how hard he’s fighting not to fall apart again.

You’ve never seen Jake like this.

“Jake,” you rasp, voice hoarse.

He doesn’t lift his head.

“Jake… look at me.”

It takes him a second, but he finally does. His eyes are glassy, rimmed red. Tears cling to his lashes, some already trailing down his cheeks. The mask he wears for the world—cool and calm—is gone. He looks lost.

You stare at him, your own heart suddenly aching in a new way. Not because of your injuries. But because you realize how deeply this hurt him.

“I’ve never seen you cry,” you whisper. “Not once.”

He lets out another breath. This one sounds like it hurts. “I didn’t think I could anymore.”

You shift your gaze from Jake to the boys still standing quietly in the room—watching, worrying, unsure whether to stay or give you space. You catch Jay’s eyes first and give him the smallest nod. The kind that says thank you... but I need to be alone.

Jay understands immediately. He gently taps Jungwon’s shoulder and motions toward the door. One by one, they file out. Sunoo squeezes your foot softly as he passes; Sunghoon and Heeseung offers Jake a final look, silent and supportive. Riki straightens the plushie on your bed. Jungwon linger near the doorway before closing it behind them with a soft click.

Now it’s just you and Jake.

He wipes at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie, trying to get himself together, but his voice still shakes when he speaks again.

“I couldn’t stop listening to that damn monitor,” he says, suddenly spilling everything. “Every second I was in this room, I just sat there—listening to that slow, broken rhythm. Like every beep might be the last. And I kept thinking, That’s her heart. That’s her heart struggling to stay here.”

He runs a hand through his hair, pacing a few short steps before stopping himself. “And I hated it—because I couldn’t do anything. I just sat here while the person I—” He cuts off, jaw tightening. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Your fingers gently squeeze his.

“Jake,” you say, and he finally looks at you.

“Listen to it now.”

He blinks. “What?”

You smile softly, your voice still weak but certain. “Listen to my heart now.”

His breath catches.

Slowly—almost reverently—Jake lowers himself back onto the edge of the bed. He hesitates, eyes searching yours to make sure you're sure. You give him the smallest nod.

With aching tenderness, he shifts forward, resting his head carefully against your chest, just over your heart.

For a moment, he doesn’t move. Doesn’t breathe.

Then he hears it.

Thump... thump... thump.

Steady. Alive.

Your heartbeat—stronger than it was, louder than he remembers. It's no longer the slow, fragile sound that haunted him. It’s real. Present. Proof that you’re still here. Still fighting. And it plays in his ear like a song he never thought he’d get to hear again.

Jake’s hand finds yours again and holds it tightly, grounding himself in the rhythm beneath your skin.

You whisper softly, fingers brushing through his hair, “Told you I wasn’t going anywhere.”

His breath shudders out against you, and he just nods—eyes closed, head on your chest, finally letting the sound of your heart bring him peace.

It’s been two weeks since the accident, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the hospital room smells like something other than antiseptic—thanks to the flowers Sunoo insisted on bringing every day. The machines have been disconnected one by one, the IV lines removed, the color returning slowly to your face.

And finally, the doctor says the words everyone’s been waiting to hear:

“You’re well enough to go home.”

The moment the words leave his mouth, Jay’s already at the foot of your bed, flipping through discharge papers. Sunghoon’s texting in the group chat labeled “Y/n’s Recovery Squad,” while Jungwon is halfway out the door to bring the car around. Sunoo’s practically vibrating with excitement, talking about fluffy blankets and how he already set up the couch with extra pillows. Heeseung is arguing about who’s going to carry your bag, while also sneakily trying to do it first but Riki isn't going to let him win.

And then there’s Jake.

He’s there, of course—like he always has been. Since you opened your eyes, he’s visited the most. Morning check-ins. Late-night drop-ins. Even on days he was exhausted, he never missed a chance to sit by your side “just to make sure you’re okay.” That’s how he phrased it. Like it wasn’t obvious to everyone—including you—that he just wanted to be close to you. Close enough to hear your heartbeat if he needed to.

When they wheel you out in a chair (hospital policy, even though you protested), the guys are waiting just outside the doors like your own personal welcome committee. You’ve never felt more seen. Or more loved.

The ride home is a blur of sunlight, fresh air, and the kind of peace you didn’t realize you’d been craving. Being out of that hospital, back into a world with real sky and noise and motion—it’s overwhelming in the best way.

When you get home, it’s already set up. Your blankets are fluffed, your favorite snacks are stocked, and someone even made a playlist called “Recovery Bops” (you’re guessing Riki).

They take turns hovering.

Jay makes you drink water every hour on the dot. Jungwon insists on managing your medication schedule like it’s a military mission. Heeseung checks your temperature with such frequency, you start joking that he’s memorized your exact resting rate. Sunghoon keeps adjusting the pillows. Sunoo does his best to feed you every time you blink. While Riki keeps trying to distract you from the boredom with terrible puns and goofy TikTok dances, determined to make you laugh your pain away.

And Jake? Jake lingers.

He’s the last to leave the room. The first to check in when things go quiet. He doesn’t smother you, but he never strays too far. He’s just… there. Folding the edge of your blanket when it slips off your shoulder. Refilling your water without you asking. Sitting next to you while you nap, earphones in but volume low and with only one in—like he’s listening for you to need him.

One evening, while the others are out picking up takeout, it’s just the two of you again.

You’re lying on the couch, eyes half-closed, wrapped in your favorite hoodie. Jake’s sitting cross-legged on the floor beside you, close but not too close.

“You don’t have to stay so much,” you murmur, voice still a little soft from recovery. “I’m okay.”

Jake smiles a little, eyes flicking up to meet yours. “I know,” he says. “But I don’t want to miss a single second of you being okay.”

You blink at him, heart full, throat a little tight.

“Besides,” he adds, teasing, “you’re still kind of a flight risk.”

You laugh, a real one this time. And he laughs too—quiet and full of relief.

Night settles over the apartment. The boys have been hovering all day, fussing over your every movement, even though you're finally home, finally breathing air that doesn’t smell like bleach and hospital walls.

You sit propped up on the couch, bundled in blankets, eyes beginning to droop as exhaustion sinks in. But it’s not the kind of tired you can sleep through—it’s the kind that makes you crave silence. Solitude. Just a little space to breathe on your own.

You clear your throat and look around at the boys gathered around your living room like they’re on guard duty.

“Okay,” you say, stretching your arms slightly, “I love you guys… but it’s late. You should all go home and get some sleep.”

Five heads snap toward you at once.

Jay furrows his brow. “You sure, I can sleep over again?”

Sunoo immediately protests, already pulling out another throw blanket. “I don’t mind staying on the floor! I even brought my skincare.”

“I’ll sleep on the balcony if I have to,” Sunghoon adds, only half-joking.

“You’re not pushing yourself, are you?” Jungwon asks, eyeing you like you might suddenly collapse.

“I can run to the kitchen if you’re hungry,” Heeseung offers, already standing.

“I can set an alarm every 10 seconds just to check you’re still breathing,” Riki adds, holding up his phone with a completely serious expression—until a smirk breaks through.

You smile patiently, but it’s clear they’re gearing up for another shift—and you’re not having it.

“Guys,” you say, holding up a hand. “I’m fine. Seriously. I need a little quiet, just tonight. I promise I’ll call if I feel weird or need anything.”

Jay still looks hesitant.

“I have you on speed dial,” you reassure him. “Position one. And all of you are on the emergency call list. Trust me, my phone might explode with how many of you text me hourly.”

Sunoo crosses his arms, unconvinced. “What if you wake up and—”

“I will call,” you interrupt gently. “I swear.”

They grumble and sigh, but one by one, they gather their stuff. Sunghoon squeezes your shoulder. Jungwon double-checks your meds. Sunoo tucks the blanket tighter around your legs and whispers, “Only for tonight.” Heeseung ruffles your hair, Riki bumps your foot lightly with his own before saying, “I’ll be watching the group chat, so don’t think about pulling any solo stunts.” and Jay—last out—gives you a lingering look before finally nodding.

“You better call me,” he says.

“Promise,” you whisper.

The front door closes.

And then…

You glance toward the kitchen.

Jake’s still there.

Leaning quietly against the doorway, hands in his pockets, eyes on you. He hasn’t moved since the others started packing up. And even now, with the apartment empty and your words still hanging in the air, he doesn’t budge.

You tilt your head. “Didn’t you hear the whole speech?”

“I did,” he says.

You raise an eyebrow. “And you’re ignoring it?”

He shrugs, stepping forward, voice soft. “You told them to go.”

You roll your eyes, but there’s no real heat behind it. “So what, you’re the exception now?”

Jake gives you a small smile—the kind that says you already know the answer.

“I just... I don’t want you to wake up and be alone,” he admits.

You’re quiet for a beat. Then you pat the empty space beside you on the couch. “Fine. But no guard duty. Just... be here.”

Jake moves without hesitation, settling beside you. Not too close. Not too far. Just there—exactly where he’s always been since the day everything changed.

You rest your head against his shoulder, your eyes fluttering shut as his warmth steadies you. No words needed. Just the quiet hum of the city outside, the soft rhythm of your breathing, and Jake’s presence anchoring you to peace.

And for the first time since the accident, the night doesn’t feel scary.

It feels safe.

You wake up to sunlight gently pouring through the curtains, warm and golden on your face. For the first time in weeks, it doesn’t feel harsh or pushy—it feels like life creeping back in. Soft, slow, safe.

You blink a few times, adjusting to the light, and then shift slightly on the couch, surprised by the weight you feel near your legs.

Jake.

He’s curled up on the floor next to you, one arm draped over the edge of the couch like he reached for you in his sleep and forgot to pull back. His hoodie is bunched up under his head like a makeshift pillow, his lips slightly parted, hair messier than usual.

You smile.

Quietly, you nudge his arm with your foot. “Jake,” you whisper.

He groans without opening his eyes. “Five more minutes.”

“Are you even comfortable?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbles, burying his face into his hoodie. “This carpet is surprisingly soft.”

You laugh. “You’re okay on my living room floor?”

He peeks one eye open. “I’m okay wherever you are.”

You roll your eyes, even as your cheeks warm.

Eventually, he drags himself up onto the couch beside you, stretching with a dramatic sigh before stealing half your blanket. He flips on the TV, finding some random cartoon neither of you is paying attention to, and you sit there together, sharing the kind of easy silence that only happens with people who know you too well.

A little while later, with a bowl of cereal balanced in your lap and your feet in Jake’s lap, you glance over at him.

“You know what sucks the most about this whole healing process?” you ask.

Jake raises a brow. “That your couch now has a permanent butt indent?”

You kick him lightly. “No.”

He grins. “Okay, what?”

You shrug dramatically. “I haven’t gotten laid in forever. And now? With this whole recovery situation? I might as well just retire. Hang up the jersey. The drought is eternal.”

Jake nearly chokes on his cereal.

You try not to laugh at his expression, but the way his eyes widen and he fumbles with his spoon is too much.

“Oh my god,” he coughs. “Y/n!”

“What?” you say innocently, biting back a grin. “You asked.”

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, shaking his head. “You could’ve said literally anything else.”

“But it’s true! I can’t even leave the house yet without Jay threatening to carry me like a fragile Victorian woman. How am I supposed to flirt when I’m under 24/7 surveillance?”

Jake snorts. “Yeah, I’m sure flirting is the problem. Not the whole ‘barely recovered from a near-death experience’ thing.”

You gasp. “Wow. So you’re saying I’m not hot enough to pull even with an IV scar?”

“I didn’t say that,” he laughs. “Honestly, you’re probably the only person who could still make someone fall in love with them while recovering in sweatpants and one sock.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Someone?”

He freezes for a split second—too long.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

He avoids your gaze. “That look.”

You grin, leaning your head back against the couch, watching the ceiling. “Guess I’ll just keep being hot and tragically untouched.”

“You know I will do anything for you…You just have to ask”

Your laughter fills the room, a lightness that cuts through the weight of the past weeks, the shared humor between you and Jake grounding you in the present. His eyes sparkle with amusement and a hint of something more as he sets his cereal bowl aside and turns to face you fully.

“You know I'm not joking, right?” Jake's voice is low, his eyes holding a depth of emotion you can't quite decipher. As he speaks those words, a tension hangs in the air. His gaze lingers on you

You shift slightly, suddenly hyper-aware of the proximity between you. The way his presence beside you seems to fill the room, suffusing it with a warmth that goes beyond the sunlight streaming through the curtains.

A silent understanding passes between you, unspoken words lingering in the space as if waiting for permission to be voiced.

Your heart quickens as you meet his gaze. His gaze is intense, unwavering as he leans in closer, his breath tangled up with yours. The room seems to shrink, the only sound being the soft rustle of fabric as he reaches out to cup your cheek gently. His touch is warm against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

"I meant what I said," he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, but every word carries weight in the charged air between you. "I'll do anything for you... Just ask."

Jake's gaze softens, his hand gentle against your cheek as he leans in closer.

“please kiss me…” your voice comes out breathy and almost inaudible but Jake heard ir.

The world around you fades away, leaving only the anticipation of his touch. And then it happens—his lips meet yours in a soft, tender kiss.

Jake's breath mingles with yours, his touch sending tingles down your spine as you lean into the kiss, savoring every moment.

When you finally part, there's a shared understanding in the air, a silent conversation. Jake's eyes meet yours, filled with a lot of different emotions. And in that fleeting moment, without breaking eye contact, you lean in once again, closing the distance between you two. This time letting out a small moan as he softly gripped you waist.

He didn’t waste this chance and slowly grazed his tongue against the inside of your mouth.

The air between you and Jake feels charged, every brush of his hands making your skin burn hotter. He pulls you closer, like he needs you all at once, like touching you isn’t enough.

His lips crash into yours again, the kiss deeper this time, hungrier. You meet him with just as much need, fingers tangling in his hair like you’ve waited forever for this, every nerve in your body lit up with desire.

Your breath hitches as he cups your face, his touch both tender and possessive. And then, without hesitation, his other hand slips beneath your clothing, his fingers finding their way to where you ache for him most.

Your breath hitches as Jake's fingers slip beneath the waistband of your sweatpants, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through you. You can feel the heat of his body pressing against yours, his breath hot on your neck as he trails kisses down to your collarbone. Your heart races, pounding in your chest.

Jake's hand moves lower, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin of your inner thigh—teasing. You gasp, your body arching into his touch, craving more. He responds with a low groan, his fingers finally reaching their destination. He slowly traces the edge of your panties, teasing you, making you wait for what you both desperately want.

“You want this, baby?”

“Yes—please, plea…se—”

“God,” he groans, lips brushing your ear, “I love the way you sound.”

You can feel the wetness between your legs growing, your body ready for him. Jake's fingers gently push aside the fabric of your panties, and he slips one finger inside you, then another, your breath catches in your throat.

The sensation is overwhelming, leaving you gasping, eyes fluttering shut. Jake’s movements are slow, deliberate, every stroke sends heat pooling between your legs, your body aching for more as he explores you with a filthy kind of focus, like he’s memorizing every way you come undone.

You can feel his breath hot on your neck, his body pressed tightly against yours as his fingers move in a rhythm that matches the pounding of your heart. The room seems to spin around you. Your hands grasp at his shoulders, holding on tightly as you lose yourself in the feeling of his fingers.

Jake's lips find their way back to yours, his kiss hungry and passionate. You can taste the desperation in his kiss. His fingers continue to move inside you, each thrust sending shivers down your spine.

Your hips begin to move in sync with Jake's fingers, your body chasing the pleasure he's causing within you. His touch is no longer gentle but needy, his fingers curling inside you, stroking that spot that makes your breath hitch and your toes curl. The room fills with the sound of your soft gasps and the wetness of his fingers moving in and out of you.

Heat coils in your belly, your body tensing as Jake's thumb finds your clit, circling it in time with his thrusts. Your heart pounds in your chest, your breath coming in short, sharp pants. You can feel the pleasure building, the tension in your body growing tighter and tighter.

Jake's lips leave yours, trailing kisses down your jaw, your neck, until they reach your chest near your heartbeat. He pauses there, his breath hot on your skin

“Yeah, just like that, baby. Fuck—wanna hear you like this all the time.”

Your back arches as Jake's teeth gently graze your skin, his fingers never stopping. The room is filled with the sound of your ragged breaths and the slick movement of his fingers, but all he hears is your heartbeat faster and stronger.

Your body’s on fire. You grind against his hand, desperate and shameless, chasing that high that keeps slipping just out of reach. Every drag of his fingers pulls you closer, until all you can do is whimper and beg for more.

Jake's mouth moves lower, his lips brushing against the swell of your breasts through your shirt. You can feel his hot breath, the dampness of his lips, as he kisses the fabric that covers your skin. Your nipples harden, straining against the material, begging for his touch. His free hand cups your breast, his thumb rubbing circles, sending goosebumps down your back.

Your heart is pounding so loudly you swear Jake can still hear it, the rhythm wild and frantic against your ribs. His touch is electric, his fingers moving slickly in and out of you, curling to hit that spot that makes your vision white out for a moment. You grind against his hand, your body chasing the high that only he can give you.

He lifts his head from your breast, his eyes meeting yours, pupils blown wide. He doesn’t look away as he shifts, his thumb pressing against your clit, rubbing in tight circles that make your hips jerk. You can see the reflection of your own lust in his eyes.

Your breath hitches as he adds another finger, stretching you, filling you up more. The sensation is overwhelming, a burn that’s somehow both too much and not enough.

You clutch at his shoulders as your hips buck against Jake's hand, your body desperate for release. His fingers curl inside you, hitting that spot that makes your breath hitch and your eyes roll back. You can feel the pleasure building, a wave ready to crash over you. Your heart is pounding, your breath coming in quick gasps. Jake's thumb presses against your clit, rubbing in tight circles that make your hips jerk.

"Jake," you gasp, your voice barely recognizable. Your hands clutch at his shoulders, holding on tightly as your body begins to tremble. The coil of heat in your belly snaps, sending waves of pleasure crashing through you. Your orgasm hits hard, leaving you breathless and shaking.

Jake's fingers slow their movements, drawing out your pleasure as you ride out the waves. His breath is hot on your neck, his body pressed tightly against yours. He whispers your name like a prayer.

Your body is still trembling with the aftershocks of your orgasm as Jake gently slips his fingers from you, careful and slow. He brings them to his mouth without breaking eye contact, kissing them softly before sucking them clean.

“Fuck,” he whispers, voice low and full of awe. “I could never get enough of you.”

He presses a soft kiss to your temple, his breath warm against your skin. You can feel his heart pounding in his chest, echoing the rhythm of your own. He lifts his hand, tracing the line of your jaw with a tenderness that makes your heart ache.

His eyes meet yours, and there's a depth of emotion there that takes your breath away. Without a word, he shifts, slowly lowering his head to your chest. You feel the warmth of his breath through the fabric of your shirt, the gentle pressure of his ear against your heart. He listens, his body still, his breaths shallow.

You wrap your arms around him, holding him close. The intimacy of the moment is overwhelming, a connection that goes beyond physical touch. Your heart beats steadily against his ear.

Just as the quiet settles between you and Jake, the door bursts open.

“Heeey, y/nnn you up? Breakfast time!” Heeseung calls out, grinning as he strides in.

Jake jumps, quickly pulling his hoodie on to cover his obvious boner. You scramble off the couch, smoothing your hair and trying to look casual.

“Morning,” you say, voice a little breathless.

Jungwon follows, munching on some leftover hashbrowns. “Wait… Jake, didn’t you leave with the rest of us last night?”

Jake’s smile falters for half a second before he shakes his head.

“Nah, she asked you guys to leave, not me!”

Immediately, the room erupts into playful protests.

Heeseung folds his arms, grinning but clearly annoyed.

“Wait—why him? Why Jake? That’s not fair!”

Jay raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, man, we should’ve been the ones staying. We’re way better company.”

Sunghoon crosses his arms, pouting like a kid denied candy.

“Why did he get to stay and not me? That’s not fair.”

Sunoo chimes in, shaking his head dramatically.

“I mean, I brought my skincare and everything. I was prepared.”

Jungwon laughs, stepping forward “Seriously, I’m the responsible one. I should have been on ‘guard duty.’”

“Guess it’s because Jake’s smooth talker got the invite,” Heeseung teases.

Jake just offers a tight smile, not nearly as cocky as usual.

Riki, standing off to the side just watching, narrows his eyes.

“Why do you look like you did something?” he asks slowly, eyeing Jake up and down. “You’ve been twitchy since we walked in.”

Jake scoffs, trying to play it cool. “I’m fine.”

“Uh-huh,” Riki says, not convinced. “You jumped like the cops were at the door.”

Jay leans in, grinning. “He did bolt off the couch like it was on fire.”

Heeseung’s head tilts. “You hiding something, Jakey?”

Jake rolls his eyes, tugging at the hem of his hoodie. “Can’t a guy just chill?”

“You’re not chill,” Jungwon says bluntly. “You’re acting weird.”

Jake glares at him. “No I'm not.”

Riki narrows his eyes again, then glances between the two of you—Jake, trying not to squirm, and you, way too quiet.

A beat passes.

“Oh,” Riki mutters. His eyes widen slightly. “Oh.”

“What?” Sunghoon asks, suddenly alert.

“Nothing,” Riki says quickly, tossing left-over cereal into his mouth, but his grin is evil.

Jake shoots him a warning look. “Riki—”

“Nothing!” Riki repeats, voice high and suspicious. “Just… didn’t realize little Jakey was such an early riser.”

Jake groans. You bury your face in your hands.

And chaos erupts again.

“LITTLE JAKEY?”

“NOOOO—”

“GROSS?”

“BROOO—”

“DID YOU GUYS—?”

“JAKE SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL!!”

Jake grabs a pillow and hurls it at Riki, who’s already doubled over laughing.

“You suck,” Jake grumbles.

Riki barely dodges the pillow, clutching his stomach as he cackles. “Nah, but someone definitely did.”

“Riki!” you shout, eyes wide as your jaw drops.

And as the laughter rolls through the room, Jake meets your eyes—mortified, slightly amused, and quietly praying for the floor to open up.

Taglist: @haechansbbg @haolovre @vampgege @naqkja @talkingsaxy @serenedreamscape @gomdoleemyson <3 (click here to be added)

[holylulusworld]

An absent mate

Summary: Your mate cares more about a taken omega.

Pairing: Wolverine x Omega!Reader

Warnings: a/b/o, a/b/o dynamics, abandonment, emotional cheating, heavy angst, pregnancy, loneliness, language, shitty friends, shitty alpha, Jean being the worst ever, Jean hate (sorry)

Square filled for the Wolverine bingo @buck-star created for me: Square 23: a/b/o

In the beginning, you believed everything would turn out for the better. Everyone encouraged you to pursue the alpha you fell in love with. You believed their words, their lies, so easily.

Logan wasn’t happy with all the attention you gave him at first. But the more you threw yourself at him, the more he got fond of you. Or so it seemed.

You spent many nights tangled in each other, touching every inch of your bodies, while you got more and more lost in Logan.

His mark soon was on your neck, indicating that he finally settled for an omega and forgot about the one he couldn’t have.

You soon would find out that the passion he showed in the bedroom did not dull the ache whenever he ignored your needs.

Hugs, a no-go. Kissing, only when it was to start something else. Being around you for longer than needed was out of the question.

Day by day, you realized that you got trapped in a loveless bond by no other but your chosen family. The people you trusted the most.

“Logan, where are you going again?” You almost pleaded while grabbing his arm. “I told you I need you today.”

“I told you that Jean needs me. Scott is on a mission, and she’s all alone,” Logan bites back, wincing as you flinch at his harsh tone. “Give me an hour or two, and we can do whatever you want to do.” He tries to charm his way back into your good graces, but you only scoff.

“What if I ever get pregnant? Will you be there for me, too, or just ignore me?” Your questions make Logan stop in his tracks. He considers your words before walking toward the door.

“We shouldn’t have a baby.” His words cut deeper than any knife. “I’m too old to have children.”

“You will outlive all of us. Me…anyone,” you scoff. “You’re not too old. You simply don’t want to have children with me.”

“No…I…” Logan shakes his head. “I’d outlive our child, too, Y/N. I don’t want to see them die like everyone else.”

“You could play with your grandchildren, and their children,” you sniffle. “Anyone would kill for that chance, but you…” You protectively wrap your arms around yourself. “If Jean’s child were yours, you wouldn’t hesitate.”

“That’s not…true.” He tries to argue, but you are too wound tight to give in today. In the past, you endured the pain in silence.

“Forget it,” you sniffle and already turn back around. “I can handle my problems on my own. I’m not a weakling like Jean.” You grab your jacket and bag and storm out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Jean stands in front of your room, running her hand over her visible bump. She smirks, knowing you got into a fight with your mate because of her.

“Get fucked.” You curse and storm past her. In your condition, you shouldn’t stress yourself or always get into fights with your mate. It’s no use. He will not turn toward you, and Jean won’t stop playing the victim.

“I’m so done,” you think in your mind, catching Professor Xavier’s attention. Usually, you guard your mind like a dragon guarding a captured princess. Today, your heart and soul a screaming because you cannot endure more heartbreak. “That’s enough heartbreak for a lifetime.”

After returning from your doctor's appointment, you decided to talk to your fellow X-Men.

You don’t understand why Logan claimed you if his heart was still hung up on Jean.

They all assured you that Logan feels the same, but now you feel like they lied to you.

If you are right, the betrayal cuts even deeper.

Walking along the hallways, you change your mind. If you ask them directly, they’d only lie to you to shelter your feelings.

It’s against the rules, but to get the truth, you are willing to break all the rules.

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath before using your powers. You focus on everyone telling you to make a move on Logan.

Not only did Logan and Jean underestimate you, but your fellow X-Men did too.

In full control of your powers, you can read their minds all at once.

Your eyes fill with tears, realizing, they knew Logan would never reciprocate your feelings all along. None of them was truly on your side.

“All of you.” You accuse, pointing at Professor Xavier in particular. “Every single one of you told me to give Logan a chance. You told me he’s bad at admitting feelings.”

“We only asked you to give him a chance to make him happy,” Storm tries to save the situation and calm you. No such luck.

You scoff at your stupidity and shake your head. “You didn’t ask me to give him a chance to become his mate, his partner, or the mother of his pups.” You emphasize your last words, running your hand over your swollen bump. “No. You did it, so he got someone to fuck!”

Professor Xavier flinches at your outburst. Not only because your words are true, but also because you screamed in his mind.

“You wanted me to let him fuck me while his whole attention was focused on Jean. A taken woman. A mated omega. Someone else’s wife.” You sniff and look away from them. “You made me believe he’ll reciprocate my feelings one day.”

Professor Xavier wants to say something, but you raise your hand to stop him. “Save it, professor. He doesn’t care for me. Logan is all over Jean all the time because she won’t leave a taken man alone.” You snarl the last line. “She’s nothing but a homewrecker, and all of you decided to look the other way. I’m done.”

Logan finally joins the others, staring at you as if you lost your mind. He heard every word thanks to his higher senses and advanced hearing.

“If you are unhappy, go.” He growls and points at you. “But before, give me my favorite shirt back.”

You can’t believe his cruelty, but you are not surprised either.

“Fine, have it.” You drop your bag and jacket to take off his shirt, throwing it at Logan. Everyone gasps, even your mate, looking at the prominent bump you hid so well over the last few months. You’re five months pregnant and are already showing a big belly.

Logan’s shoulders slump, and he gasps loudly. “You’re pregnant too?” He asks, as if you tried to hide your pregnancy from him.

“Yeah, that,” you run your hand over your bump, “isn’t your problem, right? That’s what you told me last week when I, once again, tried to tell you about my pregnancy. But you were busy rubbing Jean’s back because she was nauseous.”

You laugh loudly at the absurdity. “She’s pregnant with another man, and you do anything to make her feel better while your mate suffers alone, hoping her mate will at least help her with her nest. I was only ever an afterthought to you, nothing else.”

“How did you not know she’s pregnant?” Ororo’s eyes clouded watching you grab your jacket to cover yourself. “Logan? How did you not know?”

“I…” Logan averts his gaze and shakes his head. There’s no excuse for not knowing about his mate’s pregnancy. For months, he took care of another omega.

You look Jean straight in the eyes and say, “Don’t worry Jean, I give my mate free. You should ask Scott to do the same so you and your chosen mate, the one you love, can be together.”

Jean looks anywhere but at you. Her hands tremble when she places them on her belly. Her pup kicks, and she feels bad for you for a moment. She had the attention of two alphas, while you had to do everything on your own.

Your features darken, and you smirk cruelly as she looks flustered.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot you only wanted Logan to give you his full attention out of jealousy. You never wanted him, but seeing him become my mate didn’t sit right with you. Correct me when I’m wrong.”

Jean doesn’t answer. Her silence speaks volumes, though.

In the beginning, she kept her distance and watched you get closer and closer to Logan from afar. Until one day, she decided not to let Logan stop yearning for her. It didn’t matter that you wore his mark, and that he called you his omega at that time.

“I still don’t understand how Logan didn’t know about Y/N’s pregnancy.” Ororo looks at Logan. “Logan?”

“Because he gives a shit about me. I was only good for getting off. I have no worth to him. Not when Jean is all over him most of the day and night. I always wondered if Scott loves being a cuck.”

Gambit snorts at your comment. He shakes his head and shoves people out of his way, holding out his hand. “Do you want me to drive you somewhere?"

“No,” you slap his offered hand away. “I don’t want anything from you or the likes of you.” You walk past him, not sparing Logan a glance as you walk toward the front door. “I hope you all go to hell.”

With that, you slam the door shut behind you, leaving them alone with their regret.

[rafeslvbug]

NEIGHBOURHOOD WARS

content: ex-husband!neighbour!rafe and reader engage in petty wars over the neighbourhood groupchat, leading to a fateful night

warnings: some smut (not heavy) towards the bottom!

joining the neighbourhood watch was more like a chore. you hadn’t wanted to do it, yet this community somehow seemed so close knit, and the looks you got from the speed walking grandmas on the way to work definitely made you feel more forced. god knows why rafe moved to this place.

your phone lights up with a notification, the moment you set it down to go to sleep. scrolling through the messages, half-asleep, something compels you to respond.

MONDAY NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH GC:

11:47PM karen:

karen: anyone else see these little trash goblins near the johnsons’ mailbox these past few nights?

⤷ you: dw, it’s probably just rafe.

your phone buzzes. immediately.

⤷ ⤷ rafe: bold talk for someone whose dog keeps running through my begonias.

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ you: bold assumption that your landscaping counts as property.

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ ⤷ rafe: tell that to our dog, he seems pretty territorial.

you toss your phone face-down onto the sheets next to you. you’re not doing this. you’re not. but then it buzzes again. of course it does.

MONDAY NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH GC:

11:59PM barbara: well just a reminder to bring in your bins! they look like they’re going at the trash too!!

⤷ you: someone should tell rafe, then, his recycling’s been on the curb since monday

⤷ ⤷ rafe: sorry i was busy taking our dog for a walk today after he ran from you

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ you: give him a day, he’ll realise how insufferable you are and he’ll leave you too.

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ ⤷ paul: woah.

satisfied, you finally put your phone down, going to sleep. the hell you just started? you had no idea of it.

WEDNESDAY NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH GC:

9:04AM kendra: hey anyone here hear some loud music last night?

⤷ you: the shitty pop songs? oh that was just rafe “expressing himself”

⤷ ⤷ rafe: it was our old playlist, you made for me. sorry, forgot you deleted your taste in music after the divorce.

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ you: i deleted a lot of mistakes after the divorce. the biggest being your contact!!

karen: i’m just here for the drama 🍿

climbing up the stairs to your bedroom, you shove open the balcony doors and lean over the edge. “rafe!”

“yes?” he groans, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and exiting onto the adjacent balcony.

“delete that playlist!” you order, loud enough that you’re sure paul walking his dog outside your houses could probably hear the yelling from the other side.

he grins. “not a chance.”

THURSDAY NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH GC:

7:36PM joanne: whose laundry ended up in the community dryer again?

⤷ you: not mine. i own fitted sheets.

⤷ ⤷ rafe: laundering skills aren’t everything, sweetheart.

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ you: tell that to your emotional baggage. that shit’s still dirty.

⤷ barbara: i just wanted to talk about towels

“that’s just rude!” rafe yells across the fence you both share in your backyard. his bottom half’s submerged in his pool, facing you as he scrolls through your message on the groupchat.

“it’s the truth, baby,” you sigh, sipping your lemonade on the sun chair next to your pool. in a way, it’s like you could be sharing the same area, you sunbathing, rafe swimming if only you were sharing the same house. but you aren’t. just adopting the same habits, and activities you usually did while married but separated..by a white fence, and papers rafe found meaningless anyways.

NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH GC (WITHOUT THE CAMERONS):

paul: i thought the camerons were divorced?

⤷ joanne: they are. for a few months maybe?? about seven?

karen: i saw them arguing the other day but it looked a lot more like flirting.

⤷ kendra: heard some “baby”’s being tossed around!

⤷ ⤷ barbara: forget that! i live next door to them– they’re bickering right now! she just called him baby, i think. they’re not quiet at ALL.

paul: wait backtrack: if they’re divorced why are they still “the camerons”?

⤷ karen: because she hasn’t changed her last name!!

⤷ ⤷ luis: i don’t think they’ll be divorced for much longer.

⤷ ⤷ ⤷ kendra: oh i think we all agree they won’t.

barbara: he turned down the niece i tried to set him up with last week!

⤷ joanne: well obviously because he still likes y/n!

FRIDAY NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH GC:

10:02PM you: to whoever left the full bottle of whiskey on my front porch– not funny.

⤷ rafe: it wasn’t a joke. you looked like you had a long day.

kendra: wait are you guys…

⤷ you: NO.

⤷ rafe: …maybe

night breeze blowing against your hair, whiskey bottle in hand, you venture out into your backyard, not surprised to see him standing there. leaning against the shared fence, forearms on it, watching you walk out the door and closer to where he is.

“why did you get me this?” your voice is a whisper, holding the bottle up as you get closer to the fence.

“you looked stressed..” he shrugs. he doesn’t mention how he knows, how he checked when you came home late, or how he heard you cursing under your shared carport. how he had the stash of your favourite whiskey just in case.

“so?” you ask, hand finding the fence, fingers running along it. stopping before you reach rafe.

“so i thought i’d help..i know you don’t want my help– thought i’d try anyways.”

you bite your lip, look down at the full bottle. “i don’t drink a lot..share with me?” it seems such a dangerous request, one you know rafe’ll jump at. the soft smile that spreads across his face makes it obvious enough that he was waiting for you to ask that.

“come on over?” he raises his eyebrows.

“what? hop the fence?” you ask, not bothered to walk all the way around the house. he nods, taking the bottle from your hand and extending his other to help you over. you sigh, but accept it, climbing up the first rung of the fence and jumping over.

into his arms.

his hand’s firmly holding yours, the one with the whiskey pressing against your waist. your breaths brush against each other. rafe’s eyes rake down to your lips.

“are we gonna drink..?” you whisper, not noticing how you shift closer to him. your fingers curl around his biceps, grounding yourself further.

he sets the drink down. “maybe..we could..” his voice is low, eyes fixed on yours, then your mouth. a constant flickering. the only thing he cares about. “or we could do it later.”

“yeah,” you say breathlessly, immediately.

his hand drops yours, thumb moving to your cheek and pulling you closer by his fingers on the back of your neck. his lips crash against yours, everything you’ve not said, but wanted to, pouring down in the one moment of pure lust..or maybe something more.

craving each other. missing each other.

you bite back moans with each heated kiss, the swirl of his tongue in your mouth and the tangle of yours with his. your nails dig into his bicep, your other hand moving up to his hair, scratching at his scalp from the lack of grip. “missed this,” rafe mumbles between kisses, barely pulling apart before he’s on you again, kissing you like it might be the last time.

“what? the tension?” you mutter, pushing yourself further into his hold.

“your mouth,” he grins, diving back in. his hand falls from your waist, enough to loosen his joggers. pushing you against the fence, his fingers slip under your silk nightgown, pulling your panties aside with one swift motion. he grips your face tighter just as he thrusts himself into you, delighting in the soft gasp that escapes your mouth. a sound he’s dreamed of since the divorce, one he won’t stop replaying from this day forward.

he grips your waist again, keeping himself rooted, and simultaneously pushing himself deeper to see the way your features pinch together softly. the night’s filled with your moans and his grunts, breathless panting consumed by kisses and the fence shaking to the point you fear it might break. but he doesn’t stop. when you clench around him, gasping his name over and over, and begging him to keep going, he does exactly that, holding you closer, kissing you harder when your toe-curling peaks both crash down over you.

it’s all he’s thought of. this, you, having you again. in his arms, kissing you. and he knows it’s just a stress reliever– you’re going to ignore him tomorrow.

but he won’t forget it. and the neighbourhood? well they won’t forget the sound of it either.

[yourtarotsisfromindia]

PICK-A-CARD - How is Your first kiss with your Destined One gonna be like ?

1. ⬆️ 2. ⬆️ 3. ⬆️

Pick one of these cute little teddy GIFs and let's travel down to visualise your first kiss with THE ONE 😘😳

🌹 Pile 1 – The 5 of Wands Kiss

Keywords: Tension. Banter. Eye-rolls that turn into lip-locks. Fire.

Your First Kiss With Them: You’ll be arguing. Not a petty fight—nah, this is one of those “we’re both too stubborn and hot to back down” clashes. Maybe it’s over something stupid. Maybe you’re defending your opinion like your life depends on it. Maybe they’re smirking while you go off, which only pisses you off more.

Your voices will raise. You’ll step closer. So will they.

It’s that moment where silence falls—but your bodies are still buzzing like live wires.

And then they’ll say something bold. Something that tips the scale from fuck you to fuck me.

And you’ll kiss.

Hard. Hungry. Like you're both trying to win the fight through your mouths instead.

It’s clashing teeth, hands in hair, pushed up against walls energy.

And it’ll wreck you. Because after that, there’s no pretending it didn’t mean everything.

You’ll both look at each other like,

“Oh. So this is what losing control feels like.”

🔥 Enemies to lovers. Rivals to soulmates. You weren’t ready but damn, you needed that.

💎 Pile 2 – The 10 of Wands Kiss

Keywords: Weight. Vulnerability. Relief. Soul-level intimacy.

Your First Kiss With Them: It’s quiet. The kind of quiet that comes after emotional earthquakes.

You’ve had a long day. Maybe even a long life lately.

They see it. They really see it—the exhaustion in your eyes, the way you carry the weight of too many expectations, your silent strength cracking just a little.

And you’ll talk. Not the fun flirty kind. The real kind.

The “I never tell people this but I trust you” kind.

The “I’m tired of pretending I’m fine” kind.

And they'll just... listen. No judgment. No fixing. Just holding space for you. You won’t even plan it. You’ll just lean in. Or they will.

No sparks flying—just a glow. A warm, aching, deep kiss that says, “I see you. I’m here.”

Your breath will hitch. Their hand will be on your cheek. And you'll feel like you’re kissing someone who could carry your pain and still call it beautiful.

After that, you won’t be able to look at them the same way ever again.

Because now?

They’re the one place you finally let your walls down.

💔 Tender. Transformative. The kiss that makes you believe maybe you’re not too much to love.

🥂 Pile 3 – The 3 of Cups Kiss

Keywords: Celebration. Flirtation. Liquid courage. Accidental fate.

Your First Kiss With Them: It’s a party. The lights are low, the music’s good, you're in your element—laughing, dancing, vibing with your friends.

But they’re there too. And you’ve been noticing each other all night. It’s playful. Flirty side glances. Accidentally-on-purpose brushing shoulders.

You're both clearly into each other, but no one's made the move.

Then someone suggests a game—Truth or Dare.

You’re already feeling a little warm from the drinks.

When it’s their turn, someone (probably that one messy friend you love) dares them:

“Kiss the person you’ve been eyeing all night.”

And without missing a beat, they look straight at you.

Your heart? Instant gymnastics.

Everyone around starts screaming. You’re laughing, nervous—but you don’t move away. They lean in. And kiss you. Right there. In front of everyone. But somehow the world goes quiet.

It’s not just a dare anymore—it’s a declaration.

And your lips fit like they’ve been waiting.

Later, you’ll think about that kiss and realize it didn’t feel random. It felt… inevitable.

The universe plotted this one out. And the universe is a little drunk and a hopeless romantic.

🎉 Fun, chaotic, a little tipsy—but lowkey fate decided to crash the party and make magic happen.

So bestie,

Which kiss are you manifesting into existence?

🧨 Passion-fueled chaos?

🫂 Soft vulnerability and real love?

🍸 Flirty fate and tipsy confession?

Reblog or comment and let me knowww ❤️❤️❤️❤️