thetranstraveler

[thetranstraveler]

Hey look it’s an update

Hi, welcome back travelers to the blog of a chaotic trans teen.

I don’t really have much to say this week, their haven’t been any major life changes.

 I did meet a few new friends today, they are really nice. Didn’t expect to meet some cool people at my local renaissance festival. There was this little goblin who I kept trading with and they name was Ryan, love them with all of my heart so adorable.  I kept giving them tiny gifts and trading with them and now I have a key necklace, it’s so cool 10/10 would recommend trading with goblins. Next time I go I think I might also be a little goblin, it was fun going up and trading with people. 

School is boring but it’s required so yeah, that basically sums it up. 

I am sorry that I don’t have more to update even thought I have been gone for a bit. Nothing is happening and it’s getting boring. Sorry I didn’t really have anything fresh or new to bring to the table so here is a cute cat

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all      -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

[thetranstraveler]

I want to run away into the woods sometimes

Sorry I haven’t updated much been dealing with a lot of stuff and as the title says I am debating on becoming a fae in the woods. Welcome back travelers to the blog of a chaotic trans teen.

Sorry I haven’t updated for a while, didn’t realize it had been this long. Really lost tract of time durning school and it’s harder when it’s bad stacked on bad. I am going to start talking about this instead of stalling. 

I am one of two openly trans/genderqueer people in my school and the other person who is out is my best friend. The issue that arises because we are the only two people who are out is we get treated as lessons for everyone, we are the spokes people for the entire non-cis student population, and people who are questioning their gender come to us. The last one I actually like and would rather they come to us instead of suffer with silence but all of this gets tiring after awhile. 

In one of my classes I didn’t need to come out once, but twice in front of the entire class who didn’t know I was trans. That was soooooo much fun /s. The first time I understand because they didn’t know who I was. The second time made me want to really just run away into the woods. He saw my birthname and started pointing at students and loudly saying “are you birthname, no your birthname. Wait I know your birthname pointing to my friend”. So I had to stand up in from of class and say I am birthname, I am trans and my name is Quinn. Then he had the audacity to say “Oh so that’s your real name”. I would like to say I didn’t just walk up and leave class to cry in the women’s bathroom but I totally did. 

Then yesterday I had meetings with staff members of my school, with the only other person who is out, to figure out how to actually fix the school. This was one of the parts I love and hated, because we need to go through someone else for communications so we can actually vent and talk about what needs to be changed but we have no idea what is happing with that information. It feels like I am mute but screaming at the top of my lungs about everything that is wrong, people can see me but no one can actually hear my story. 

These two things are now becoming my every day life at school and it is getting exhausting, I feel like everyone turns to me to make sure something is ok. I don’t want to be a lesson anymore I just want to be a girl in school not some fucking lesson. This just makes me want to run into the woods and become a fae but I feel the need to stay so no one else needs to go through what we are going through right now. 

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all      -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

[thetranstraveler]

First week of school done, it was strange

Welcome back travelers to the blog of a chaotic teen. Sorry I didn’t update much durning the school week but I do have I lot to tell you, hope it makes up for it /j. 

So let’s go over the first day because I didn’t go in depth. I was able to register for college classes through my school so I had college english, the professor was weird and my birthname is in that system. Then I went around to meet all of my teachers and they all are amazing, I love so much. My chemistry and my robotics/comsci teachers are amazing. They are helping me work on my thesis project for college, I want to go into biomed engineering so it’s perfect. 

For the second day I had only 4 classes (90 minutes each), we did get to know you and presentations going over what a syllabus is. Didn’t get any classwork or homework so it was a very boring day.  I am going to be honest, I zoned out a lot and just worked on the thesis project. I also wasn’t allowed to listen to music in most of my classes and I wouldn’t be allowed to work on other projects, which helps me do better in school (messed up brain wooo). 

The last day of this week, aka today. Had college class today but we still didn’t do anything and the website for our college wasn’t working so we just talked with friends for 90 minutes. Then I had my robotics teacher, didn’t do much again this week but this is when I started talking with them about my thesis project. Then did sat prep, got a decent score for a pre test when I was zoned out. Lastly, I had history where we just watched a movie and I did some drawings. 

TL:DR Overall I would say I liked the school week, not as much as online. Online I could stim and do many different classes at work so I didn’t get burned out. But I would say that this wasn’t the worst this week could have been, didn’t get called a freak so that’s nice.

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all      -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

[thetranstraveler]

First day of school

Hi travelers welcome back to the blog of a chaotic trans teen. Today was my first day of school and it was amazing, I loved it so much!! I changed my name in the school database so I was able to use my preferred name and didn’t get birthnamed once!! Also got hyped up with my outfit so I am going to share it, I feel amazing and very cute in it. 

I sadly did have an anxiety attack in the cafeteria because there were so many people but I go through it and had a good rest of the day, I can’t wait for tomorrow!!

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all      -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

[thetranstraveler]

2 days till school and some of my insight on my gender identity

Hi travelers, welcome back to the chaotic blog of a trans teen. 

I am more excited than nervous for school now, I am feeling like I am myself for the first time ever. Before I never wanted to go back to school, I didn’t know it at the time but it was because I presented myself as male and had to do it for months on end. On top of being misgendered and using my brith name for everything. But this year is different because I have finally realized who I truly am, I do want to talk more about this because I know people who are struggling with their gender who don’t feel trans enough or who question it. 

I feel that gender is a spectrum like many people feel, you can’t just be fully one thing. For me it feels like there is this little compass inside of me and the poles are masculine and feminine. Most days it will be leaning towards feminine with a bit of masculine, but there are times when it will change. The days when I feel more masc* it will change everything from the way I talk/walk to the way I dress and present myself, this is the same with days when I feel more femm*. Then there are the days in between, where I don’t feel either or feel both at the same time. The compass inside me doesn’t always point at one pole, it’s ever changing like the tides. Sometimes it will stay on one side for days at a time but will change in the middle of a day, I have come to accept this fact. Even thought it changes I am still the same person, I am still Quinn and use She/Her pronouns but how femm or masc I feel will change. This doesn’t invalid who I am or how I feel, nor does it invalidate the fact that I am still trans. Just because some days you don’t feel good doesn’t mean you are ill, it’s just a different day. This is the same for gender identity, it can change and should change. No one should for themselves to be the same forever, forcing yourself to stay the same no matter what is how you get hurt. Believe me I have been there and done it, don’t want to repeat it. 

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all      -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

*using from now on as short hand instead of writing masculine/feminine

[thetranstraveler]

I got a dress!!

Hi travelers, welcome back to the chaotic blog of a trans teen. We don’t really need an introduction, the title sums it up well.

Today I went to the mall with some friends and I found this stunning looking dress. Luckily they had it in my size so I went out and got it. Gender euphoria is through the roof while wearing that, it just felt so good and some femme. I want to get some more dresses in the future, I’ll just say it now dresses are pog.It also helped that my friends hyped me  so much lol. Sorry this is short, don’t have much to say about today other then the dress story!

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all      -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

[thetranstraveler]

Best day so far!!

Hi travelers, welcome back to the chaotic blog of a trans teen. I love this opening lol, it does sum this up well though. I am going to start writing the story before I get distracted by something shiny, again.

I’ll start with the smaller piece of good news then tell you the even better thing that happened. So today is the first day I have had a trans flag hanging outside, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s just nice to have my pride flag hanging out. I doubt anyone is going to see it, but it just makes me feel better for some reason. 

The other piece of good news happened late last night (2am). So I redownloaded snapchat, no idea what compelled me I never use it. Someone had sent me a friend request so I accepted because they look familiar. Turns out we both go to the same highschool and we are going into the same year, 11th grade (12th year/5th key stage). We exchanged photos to see if we know eachother, sadly we don’t. But then they started complementing me, apparently I totally passed!! Like I felt amazing, they called me pretty and cute. My heart melted from those complements by a stranger in our school. I am going to continue talking to them, but the question is do I tell them that I am trans. I feel like I should but I know I am not obligated to.  I have no idea what to do, any advice would be so helpful.

TL:DR There is now a trans flag hanging outside my house and I was hit on by a class mate since I passed as female. But should I tell them if I am trans?

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all -Quinn <3 (She/Her)

[thetranstraveler]

Dysphoria can go suck a dick

Hi travelers, welcome back to the chaotic blog of a trans teen. I think you know what is going on from the title but it needs to be said again. Dysphoria can go suck a big fat dick! 

I was calling some friends today because I was bored and starting to feel some dysphoria from how I looked. I tried to push it away and stim to reduce the dysphoria, which does help most of the time. Then I heard my dreaded voice, normally I will raise my voice so I sound more traditionally feminine but when I am tired and around people I trust I use my normal voice. One of my friends wasn’t using headphones so it bounced back into my ears and god damn. I hate it so much, I wanted to rip out my vocal cords and never talk again. 

I was having such a good day with friends earlier too, I had to go because brain wouldn’t shut up or allow me to talk without crying so I just left. Hope it goes away soon otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I think I might just play some videogames to distract myself (distractions = pog). That is the story of why I am updating today lol. I also haven’t exactly figured out a formula of how to write yet so I am just word vomiting in a general idea of a story, makes it feel more genuine and gives you an insight into my mind lol. 

Gn Travelers, stay safe and love y’all -Quinn <3 (She/Her)*

*This I might stick with this ending, looks cute

[thetranstraveler]

Update for the first day of school outfit

Welcome back travelers!! Might as well just update once a day at this point lol. Also hello to the one new bot follower, nice to see you here.

So let me share the bad news first then I’ll share the good news, that way you feel happier leaving my rambling thoughts. So the bad news is that I can’t wear the dress because of dumb dumb school dresscode. It’s a tiny bit too short, like 1/4 of an inch but I would still get dress coded. Even though it’s the same length as my old shorts it wouldn’t fly in school cause it’s a dress.

Now onto the two things of good news, I got my school schedule today even though I don’t go back to school for 6 more days. Wait it’s only 6 more days wow, that is a lot sooner then I thought lol. Anyways I have classes with my best friend and the first person who I came out to, so happy I have a class with them. 

The next piece of good news is that I am going to walk around the mall with my friends in said dress. If all goes to play I am going dress shopping with them this firday (2 days after I post this). Honestly that is the highlight of my week and it hasn’t even happened yet. Last time I tried on a dress it was with them and I felt so good, it honestly felt like I was actually me for the first time. I usually have voices in my head doubting my every move (even yelling at me about this blog) but when I wore that dress it felt like everything was right in the world!! I can’t wait for that feeling again.

Tldr: Can’t wear the only dress I own to school, have classes with my friends, might be going dress shopping this friday!

[thetranstraveler]

First day of school outfit

Hi, guess I am updating sooner then I thought lol but welcome back travelers! I know no one is reading this but for some reason it makes me feel a bit better. 

I am trying to figure out what I am wearing to the first day of school and nervous because my brain doesn’t know what to do. Last year was easier since it was mostly online, the only time I went into school was the last month and I just wore hoodies all the time*. I am debating on doing my normal tomboy look or actually wearing the one dress I own into school for the first day. 

I want to wear the dress so badly, you have no idea but there is also the fear of what might happen. Have heard some pretty transphobic comments from people on my bus but I also don’t want to live in fear of them. I need some advice on what I should do/wear. 

Thanks so much travelers, Quinn *Hoodies are life savers for trans folks, source trust me bro

[thetranstraveler]

Hi, you don’t know me yet

But soon you will. Hi my name is Quinn and I use She/Her pronouns. I don’t know why I am exactly starting this blog or what random spark of inspiration caused me to write this but here I am. Welcome traveler to my mess of ideas, thoughts, rants, and experiences.

I wanted to  start this as a way to document my experiences of being openly trans in highschool as a therapy for me and maybe this will help someone else show that they are not alone. 

Next week I start highschool and I am nervous about what might happen, I have heard horror stories about people coming out but also uplifting stories about communities coming together to support someone. I am hoping for the second option, the first doesn’t sound enjoyable but might be entertaining. I have a few friends who I am out two (They are epic) but I still haven’t come out to the school as a whole. 

My parents are supportive but confused sometimes. I still dress on the masc/androgynous side of the fashion spectrum and haven’t been openly talking about how I feel. I want to dress more femme and do more femme activites they make me feel happy, but I still like dressing masc. I went to the mall with my friends and they convinced me to try on a dress (felt amazing btw and super comfy). Then the next day I went back to wearing jeans and a t-shirt. My parent’s are confused about why I don’t dress more femme all the time since I want to be female, I don’t know how to explains it other then I like dressing more tomboy even though I don’t want to be a boy. Wow this went off the rails lol but this is just how my brain works. I do still need to work on talking more with them about trans stuff and just stuff relating to me in general but I am just an anxious mess 1/2 the time. 

I digress, you don’t need to hear me rambling on lol. TL:DR scared to come out to school next week and parents are supportive but confused. I’ll update after the first day of school, unless something happens sooner.