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valgracedefender · 5 months ago

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this is beautiful

Incorrect Percy Jackson Quotes as things my friends and I have said except I literally forgot the context.

Percy Jackson: "No. I will eat him. Swallow him whole. Shove him down my gullet. You underestimate how much I need him seasoned, battered, baked or fried."

Annabeth Chase: "No, the stupidest thing I've ever heard is anything Jk Rowling ever said."

Jason Grace: (screaming at the top of his lungs) "WHO EVEN IS JEMIMAH THE CONQUEROR??"

Leo Valdez: (breaking out into song whenever the room is quiet)

Piper Mclean: (In front of literal police) "It's because I stole it."

Frank Zhang: (Standing in front of a very wealthy house in the middle of the poorest county in the state) "What? I'm not rich."

Hazel Levesque: (Relentlessly being bullied for looking like a horse girl)

Nico Di Angelo: "I know it's midnight and we don't live here, but I really want to go out in the woods right now."

Will Sollace: "How could there possibly be THIS many things wrong with you?? What the hell?"

Chris Rodriguez: (Spamming calls and texts) "HOW COME EVERY TIME I TAKE COUGH MEDICINE I HAVE VIVID NIGHTMARES OF BEING IN FUCKING LEAGUE OF LEGENDS. I DON'T WANT THEM."

Octavian: "No, I'm really manipulative. It's gotten to a point where I don't even notice, but you guys should keep that in mind."

Reyna Avila Ramirez Allerano: (Aiming nerf guns stolen from a group of rotten kids) "JUSTICE!!"

Dakota: (Taking a drink of literally anything carbonated and visibly twitching uncomfortably) "Ew." (Drinking again) "Ew. Disgusting." (Drinking it again)

Mr. D: "Would you please STOP MAKING BABIES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO RAISE THEM."

Lester Papadopoulos: "How is it that every time a thunderstorm rolls around I have a psychotic break? Like, I have a feeling that's not just anxiety."

Meg Mcaffery: "I always thought Unicorns would be fatter."

Luke Castellan: "Guys, do you think I have bad morals?" (everyone saying yes in unison)

Alex Fierro: (Only ever using hoe as a pronoun when talking about someone to their face)

Magnus Chase: (Being forced to eat an orange peel covered in salt after saying he was bored while other people watched and recorded him gag)

Austin Lake:(Playing Sailor Song every moment he gets the chance)

Rachel Dare: "You know there's a Greek word for that? That describes exactly what you are?"

Georgina: "Right Now my Mom's waiting outside for and I quote "Biker Bitch". It's like a fairy tale."

Rhea: "I genuinely, and wholeheartedly believe that MOST of the world's problems would be solved if all men got a decent pegging. Every world leader, politician, everyone." (Continues to debate this perfectly for twenty minutes)

Ethan Nakumara: "Guys do your parents have nemisisees?"

Litreysis: "My entire face hates me."

Blitzen: "By Peach do you mean fruit or ass?"

Hearth: (Signing slurs in public to his boyfriend while smiling kindly)

Commodus: (Harassing the guy dressed up as Santa by repeatedly smacking his fake stomach and calling his ass a bowl full of jelly)

Thomas Jefferson Junior: "You're only a whore mentally."

Mallory Keen: (Prank calling some poor woman and screaming random scottish as loud as possible)

Marcus: "I'm gonna boil one of them alive and make the other watch."

Samirah Al Abbas: (frowning in response to seeing her friend's scores on the empathy test)

Arrow of Dodona: "Probably cause I am in the woods. They thought I got lost."

Ella The Harpy: (Rewrighting Heather's as a Biden x Trump musical with other world leaders as the Heathers)

I'm tired maybe I'll do more tomorrow or never

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valgracedefender · 5 months ago

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idk this is probably just THE cutest valgrace fanfic ever

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63063532

thank you for giving me this ugly little link ao3! anyways valgrace carnival getting together fic let’s do this

A Magical Day at the Carnival

Leo’s life was starting to feel like a math problem. If the carnival had started at 6:00 PM, and Leo had gotten there 45 minutes after it started in a car going 60 miles an hour, and he had three stuffed animals he won from the ring toss but gave one to Piper, how screwed was he?

The answer was C: very.

Somehow, he had gotten dared by Piper to steal a prize from one of the carnies while he wasn’t looking, which he did with minimal assistance. Then, he dared Piper to attempt the rope ladder game, which he got a good laugh out of when she fell flat on her ass. She dared him to annihilate a little kid in the bumper car arena (easy), he dared her to ride the Gravitron without throwing up (apparently not so easy, judging by the way her face turned ten shades greener), she dared him to do this, he dared her to do that, so on and so forth until—

“I dare you to kiss Jason,” Piper ordered. She practically shoved her face into her cotton candy and came back with a tuft the size of an apple in her mouth, though it quickly dissolved. She dived right back in once it was gone.

Leo choked on his cherry popsicle. “What?”

“I—” she took another bite—“dare you—” she made eye contact with him over the fuzz of the candy—“to kiss Jason.” She stuck her tongue out at him, blue from the raspberry flavoring.

“Nuh uh. No way,” he sputtered, turning red not unlike his choice of sweet treat.

“The sun’s setting, the lights are dazzling, the stars are coming out,” Piper sighed dreamily. “It’s the perfect time to give Jason a big ol’ smooch.”

“No.”

“Right on the lips.”

“No.”

“Maybe a little tongue.”

“Ew.”

“I bet he’ll taste like Sprite.”

“Ugh, shut up,” he grumbled, burying his face in his free hand. The popsicle started to boil and evaporate in his other.

Piper laughed and tore another tuft from the cone. He watched her, trying to think of a counter dare, when he was struck with an idea. If there was a light bulb over his head, it would be a million watts. There would also be several hundred others next to it because they were arranged in one of those Broadway signs that read “IDIOT WITH A BIG FAT CRUSH.”

“I dare you,” he snarked, waving his rapidly deteriorating popsicle menacingly at her, “to kiss Reyna.”

She paused mid-chomp, sugar melting under her breath. She pulled back. “You’re serious?”

He nodded. “As the plague.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Pinky promise?” She asked, offering one of her sticky pinkies.

“Pinky promise.” He linked his pinky, covered in juice, with hers.

Piper smiled softly. “Speak of the devil.” She gestured to the space over Leo’s shoulder.

A large hand rested on his shoulder, accompanied by the feeling of a cool body sliding into the seat next to him. “Hi, guys,” Jason chirped.

Leo found himself grinning on instinct. He decided to ignore the smug look Piper was giving him. “Hey.”

Reyna sat, or maybe a better word would’ve been collapsed, next to Piper with a groan. “I’d like it if we could go back to camp now,” she grunted.

Jason huffed a laugh. “The hall of mirrors got the best of her,” he explained.

“It was very… confusing.”

“Confusing enough to make you run into the same mirror seven times?”

“Why else would I have done that, Grace? Nobody would choose to humiliate themselves in such a way.”

“Yeah. Looked like it hurt,” he sympathized, patting her hand. Leo wasn’t jealous, he just thought that Jason’s hand would look better over his than Reyna’s. That was it. Nothing else.

Deciding to be proactive for once in his life, he took Jason by the elbow and pointed to the carnival rides. “Before we go back to camp, can we go for a ride on the ferris wheel? It’s just, I wanted to earlier, but we got distracted by the games, and then we split up…” he trailed off, looking up through his eyelashes to Jason and harnessing his inner helpless baby bird.

Jason crumbled like a cliff in a rockslide, as always. He barely even said goodbye to Piper and Reyna before letting himself be dragged towards the ferris wheel.

The line was long, and unfortunately, that meant Leo had plenty of time to think. Of course, his thoughts were mostly useless, because that was just his luck.

I bet you could tug him down by his jacket collar super easily.

I bet his hair would be so soft against your fingers.

I bet he tastes like Sprite.

Once in a blue moon, a logical thought would pop up, something along the lines of no. Stop that. Just pay for your tickets and get on the damned ferris wheel.

They got a cramped car all to themselves. An excuse to press yourself against him. Ah, well. Looked like the train of thought had derailed again.

His eyes darted to the ground as they rose, and the lightbulb above his head lit up again. He pretended to startle, bumping into Jason and clinging to his arm like a pathetic octopus. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and suppressed the content smile forming on his face, twisting it into a grimace. “Ugh,” he said simply.

Jason’s cool hand came to rest on Leo’s, rubbing his thumb up and down on the back of it. “What’s wrong? Scared of heights?” There was a hint of laughter in his voice that Leo wasn’t quite sure he appreciated.

“Yes,” Leo lied, mumbling it into the blond’s jacket.

“But you and Festus are up in the air all the time.”

“That’s different. I don’t trust this ferris wheel like I do Festus.” He could feel his face heat up.

“But you let me take you for rides.”

“That’s different. You'd never let me fall,” was what Leo was tempted to say, but he filed it away in his mind cabinet as he tried to think of a more casual answer.

“What?” Jason asked.

Whoops. He must have said that out loud. Maybe he should jump out the side of the car so he would never have to talk to Jason again. As he eyeballed the distance from their location to the ground, however, Jason secured a death grip on both his hands. He blinked himself back to the present to find that Jason was staring right at him, gaze wide and doe-like. A nervous giggle nearly escaped out through his mouth, but he managed to disguise it as a whimper.

Jason softened. “Leo…”

The best and worst part of being a child of Hephaestus, Leo posited, was the innate ability to control any and all machines in his immediate vicinity. This came in handy when one was trying to make the door mechanisms on an elevator open (his first trip to Olympus had required that particular skill, as his little brother Harley was a little claustrophobic). It did not come in handy when one was, say, growing more anxious by the second whilst perched upon an extremely high-up, extremely mechanical ferris wheel.

Leo kicked his feet and focused on letting the wheel do its thing. Not making it go so fast that all of its occupants were catapulted out of it, not so slow that people would have to cannibalize each other in order to survive the duration of the ride. The metal floor beneath his feet taunted him and he entered a staring contest with it. “Uh,” he started. He didn’t even try to finish.

“It’s true,” Jason whispered.

Leo looked back up. “What’s true?”

“What you said. I wouldn’t let you fall.”

Feeling shy yet emboldened, Leo leaned forward. “You wouldn’t?”

Jason smiled gently, copying Leo’s movement, and fixed him with a stupidly charming gaze. “Yeah, no, I wouldn’t.”

The rapid thumping in his chest took a softer turn, like the cardiac arrest he was going into was draped in velvet and wrapped with a bow instead of, y’know, a plain and simple heart attack. He barely registered the car lurching to a halt under him as he drew closer to Jason, too distracted by the butterflies that were having a disco in his stomach to notice.

“Uh, Leo,” Jason breathed, reminding the boy in question of their close proximity (Leo didn’t mind. Leo did whatever the opposite of mind was), “the ferris wheel’s stopped.”

“Oh,” Leo responded, eyes straying from Jason’s and ending up embarrassingly honed onto the other’s lips, “it has, hasn’t it?”

“Seems like it,” Jason confirmed as his hands removed themselves from Leo’s. They went to hover in the air around his hips, only meeting the fabric of Leo’s shirt when warm hands guided them there.

Still staring at the blond’s lips, Leo looped his arms around Jason’s neck and scooted further into his bubble. “Can I…” he trailed off, focus momentarily ripped away from the moment by the ferris wheel operator’s frustrated calls for the ride technician. “Can I kiss you?”

Jason smiled, and Leo smiled because Jason smiled, and he leaned in, and so did Leo, and all of a sudden Leo felt a deep gratitude towards Piper because she had dared him to do this instead of something stupid like eat the gum he found on the underside of a picnic table, and then he wasn’t even thinking anymore because Jason’s lips were on his and everything was right in the world.

Leo got lost in the feeling of it like he was Theseus in the labyrinth, only he didn’t want any of Ariadne’s lame ass yarn to find his way out of it. He was vaguely aware of the equally lame ass noises escaping his mouth, but who in the hell cared? He was kissing Jason and Jason was kissing him.

When Jason opened his mouth ever so slightly and tilted his head to deepen the kiss, Leo resisted the urge to squeal like a schoolgirl and tried to play it cool. Even as one of his hands drifted down to Jason’s jacket collar and pulled him further down. Even as his other hand buried itself in the blond’s hair and savored the feeling of it against his fingertips. Even as he noticed that Jason kinda sorta tasted like Sprite.

An undignified yelp was brought out of Jason's mouth as they were both thrown to the floor of the car. The ferris wheel stopped spinning as soon as it had jolted back to life, no doubt a symptom of Leo’s giddiness. “Oh my god, I am so sorry,” Leo exclaimed as he sat up, hanging his head and covering his face in shame. “I got… carried away, I guess.”

Jason rubbed the back of his head and chuckled. “Was it really that good?”

Leo rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Jason. “Ugh. Was it really that good, he says. Do you even hear yourself? Yes, it was really that good, dumbass. Why else do you think I’m struggling to control a whole entire ferris wheel because of it? Because it was bad? I literally don’t think it’s physically possible for you to be a bad kisser when your dad is, like, the god of all things kinky.”

Jason barked out a surprised laugh and shuffled closer to him on the floor. Leo blushed when he felt the blond press a kiss to his cheek and grab his hand. He felt Jason’s skin buzzing with static and (totally not for a reason relating to a certain lovestruck son of Hephaestus) the ferris wheel started spinning again. And if it was a little faster than normal, blame it on whoever was the god of carnival attractions, okay? Maybe they had gotten a few more offerings than normal.

And if Leo shot a quick thank you to Piper’s mom as their car descended, blame it on the fact that Jason had a very nice voice and had decided to use it to ask Leo to be his boyfriend.

And if Leo’s face got so red that Jason had to ask if he was okay, blame it on the immediate mortification that washed over him after his all too eager affirmative answer.

They exited the ferris wheel at the bottom holding hands. Leo had to will himself to keep walking like a normal person instead of skipping around like a whimsical little idiot in his own little world made of rainbows and cupcakes. He settled for smiling a goofy smile to himself.

Piper and Reyna were sitting at the same picnic table they had been before, but this time, Reyna was wielding a few giant pink heart balloons. Leo made eye contact with Piper who was reapplying her lip gloss in a pocket mirror.

Piper raised her eyebrow at him.

Leo raised an eyebrow right back.

She popped her lips and gestured with her head to Reyna beside her. Only then did he notice the smudged gloss on her mouth. He grinned.

He pointedly placed an arm on the crook of Jason’s elbow, posing like a married couple in their annual Christmas card. She nodded approvingly.

They strolled up to the picnic table, not sitting down, just lingering. Jason swung their joined hands back and forth and Leo’s heart did a gymnastics routine in his chest. “Did y’all have fun?” Leo asked in place of a greeting.

“I’d say so,” Piper said as she smirked. Reyna turned a couple shades redder, but her smile was fond. “We stopped by the funnel cake stand and took the carousel for a spin.”

“Sounds fun,” Jason commented. “Me and Leo rode on the ferris wheel. We ran into a little—” he delivered a cheeky squeeze to Leo’s hand—“technical difficulty, that’s why we’re a little late. Are we ready to head back to camp now?”

“No!” Reyna blurted. “I mean, no. I wanted to try the, um…” her head swiveled as she searched for a random attraction to feign interest in. “The high striker?”

Leo noticed the amused look Jason gave her. Not because he was staring or anything.

Okay, yeah, he was staring. Sue him.

He was just imagining the next time he’d get to kiss his best friend turned crush turned boyfriend, and the time after that, and the time after that, and the—

“What are you staring at?” Jason asked, turning his amused look on Leo. Traitor.

Leo grinned and giggled to himself. “Oh, nothing.”

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