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Fighter! Eldritch Knight, go

Zodiac signs? That’s so 2017

We Dungeon and Dragons 5th Edition classes now:

Barbarian - (Mar 21-Apr 19)

Bard - (Apr 20-May 20)

Cleric - (May 21-Jun 20)

Druid - (June 21-July 22)

Fighter - (July 23-Aug 22)

Monk - (Aug 23-Sep 22)

Paladin - (Sep 23-Oct 22)

Ranger - (Oct 23-Nov 21)

Rogue - (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Sorcerer - (Dec 22-Jan 19)

Warlock - (Jan 20-Feb 18)

Wizard -  (Feb 19-Mar 20)

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when you finally get to play your character in d&d

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Put an event in game so you can justify part of a skill challenge, but don't take into account that they might just want to explore it and participate.

You know, I see a lot of posts out there about dumb shit that players do and while all of those posts are incredibly valid, I feel like this is dumbass DM erasure. I dearly love every story about bards who seduce the final boss and warlocks with sugar daddies and all that BUT I think DMs are greatly misunderstood to all be these serious controlling entities who just want their players to follow through with their perfectly planned scenerios. Here’s to all the dumbass DMs out there who:

- forget their NPC names and constantly make up new names for unimportant recurring NPCs when the players see them in hopes that they wont remember

- plan a whole dungeon around one (1) spongebob reference that they really wanted to fit in

- accidentally give two NPCs the same name bc you just pull from a list and you forgot to cross it off

- choose to homebrew everything bc they have an Artistic Vision but the vision is just that you want there to be three gnomes in a trench coat selling sketchy magical items somewhere in the setting

- use the same dumbass voice for every NPC but with different 90s surfer slang for different characters

- make just awful items and make their players buy them (I’m currently working on the “Ross From Friends” tramp stamp of +1 AC)

- realize they only have 28 minutes before the next session to plan and instead make text posts on tumblr.com

Anyway if any DMs want to add onto this with some dumbass shit they’ve subjected their players to feel free

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very neat idea for anyone who enjoys puzzle making!

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From the blog that's supposed to be a campaign diary.

The calm before the storm. This was half the last session of “Lost Mines of Phandelver”, and half the first session of “Key to The Eclipse”; the working title for the homebrew campaign for my “Saturday Club” group.

I took Nezznar, the main villain of Phandelver, and promoted him to one of the villains of this next Act/Arch. Along with it, I had a friend guest star as this character as well as used one of the PCs as a twist second villain. This came with varying degrees of success.

In order to do this and hopefully bring together a bunch of PCs who were together because they showed up to work that day, I put together a TPK from which they would be revived.

In the build up to this, I had many meetings with my Black Spider to build the character. My hope was that they would treat them like a PC and run with it; however, they aren’t used to being the villain and sort of defaulted to just controlling them in combat while I controlled the character’s actions. Which is fine, but not what I was going for, and was kinda disappointing.

After the kill, I had a small puzzle encounter in the Etherial Plane that I think fell a little flat because I had only come up with it late afternoon the day before and didn’t have time to really flesh it out and not present a rough draft.

Good news is it’s something I can do again, but better because it’ll be polished.

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The realization that Kiri has six hit points.

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It is always the time to make memes

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the only good JFK assassination theories

1. his head just did that

2. 

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d&d be like

the characters: under no circumstances do i want to discuss my past, my trauma, my mental state or any other personal issues

the players: Somebody Please Interrogate My Child

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Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon

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when you’re playing dnd and you character keeps rolling crit fails

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DM, while I’m in combat: “Give me a perception check.”

Me: “Uh, 14?”

DM: “Nevermind.”

Me:

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3D-printed Sovereign Armor with LED lights [x]

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Y'know, you could just make up accents in dnd. Tried to give ur character an Australian accent and failed? Well, there is no Australia in this fantasy universe, but there is conceivably a settlement of people who all speak in an accent which sounds, to our ears, like really bad Australian.

What I’m saying is just use the worst fuckong voices for all ur characters and if u get called out on then just say it’s how people talk in fricking green-mushrooms or wherever ur character comes from. Make your party suffer.