whispofsarin

[whispofsarin]

You are worthy the inconvenience

Of getting out of our warm bed

And opening the windows so that

Our bodies may reach equilibrium

[whispofsarin]

Effervescent is her longing

For a brighter, new day

Where the sun shines bright

And brings nostalgic warmth to her skin

With rough gravel underfoot

And gritty dirt stuck between teeth

The desire for peace grabs her in a choke hold

To stray away from the dreariness

Of the modern life

And retreat back into the headspace

Of someone who had little care

Except for the feeling of the sun

Warming the air she breathes

And feeling tranquil yet again

[whispofsarin]

I find myself missing you

Even when you're right next to me

Opposite ends of the same grocery store aisle

And nowhere close enough to even graze my fingertips against yours

Laying in one warm bed

Yet not near enough to feel your heart beat

Resting my lips against yours

Unable to feel even though your soul intertwines with mine

For I miss you when you're not near

And I miss you when you're close

We can never be close enough

Until I find a way to crawl into your skin

And mend two hearts into one

[whispofsarin]

I'm going to figure out a way

To bottle up your scent

Turn it into a perfume

And douse myself

In all my sweetest spots

So I never go a moment

Without your scent entertwined with mine

[whispofsarin]

There's something so real about their smile

I don't know what it is

Yet every time a laugh pours out from their lips

Like a river flowing with joy

And their velvet eyes crinkle with the rising of their star speckles cheeks

I can't help but to smile back too

[whispofsarin]

I wish to lay in

A carpet of lush, green moss

And forget the world

[whispofsarin]

I threw out my blade today

No longer will I feel her touch

Against my soft skin

It's a bit sad to wish her goodbye

As she's laid to rest between three day old pasta and junk mail

I think I will miss her

[whispofsarin]

Kiss me, my love

Let me taste your passion

And consume your very soul

With the beat in our chests combined

And legs tangled roughly

Hands grabbing at well loved skin

You

And me

We are the only two that matter

[whispofsarin]

Someone please take my hand

Guide me away, ever so gently,

From hellscape that breeds in my mind

Let me know true, consistent peace

And let joy, and laughter, and love

Connect my tissues so that I may

One day truly be free

[whispofsarin]

📖

A new chapter of my life is beginning

I am healthy

I am safe

I am working and learning and living

And yet I feel as if someone has tucked

Their nearest receipt between my pages

And laid me aside, forgotten

I pray for a hand to brush me open

And let me breathe before I begin to mildew and rot

I want my story to continue

I just need someone to remove the bookmark

[whispofsarin]

Fuck you

For making me believe

That it's my duty to please

Never letting me grieve

The feeling of being known

[whispofsarin]

When did I become so complacent?

To give up on so many dreams

And live my life one day at a time

With no visions of the future

Or fantasies of the past

This is not who I am meant to become

[whispofsarin]

This house doesn't feel like a home

Because "home" is just a placeholder for a feeling

The feeling of peace and comfort and safety and love

And it's been a long time since this house was anything more than the shell of a family

Is this what growing up is like?

Will I continue to lose faith in places I held so near to my heart?

[whispofsarin]

Sometimes I'll glance up at the stars ✨️

And impatiently wait

For the day I get to shine as bright as them

[whispofsarin]

I'm tired of crying silently

Becoming so small

And avoiding your eyes

When I hurt myself

Over a simple comment

A simple mistake

It's so stupid, and I feel sick

The anxiety and pain rip at my body

As I lay here hating myself a little more

For being the mistake that I am

[whispofsarin]

I have the insatiable urge to be outside.

Let me wander through the leaves,

Walk the trails of my ancestors,

Smell the rich earth, and feel her breath.

I hate being stuck indoors.

I wish to claw my way through this brick,

And feel the concrete crumble between my fingers,

Just so that I can feel the sun against my skin.

[whispofsarin]

Why do I spiral?

I feel such intense emotion,

Too much for one person alone.

One thing might happen,

And my day is ruined.

Another mistake or inconvenience?

Even worse.

I can't stop my shaking hands and watery eyes.

I can't open my lungs enough to breathe.

I can't speak except for, "stop"

Because that is the only desire I have.

I stray away from the knives

And fold my hands in my lap

Sitting unsteady atop my bed

And rock to and fro.

For if I must lean into the hatred and sorrow,

I at least have to keep myself safe;

For now.