16anxiousthoughts - Tumblr blog

[16anxiousthoughts]

BEST. THING. EVER!!!

I was telling my family about Good Omens being renewed in the car, and whilst I was explaining why I was so excited about it, ‘I Want To Break Free’ by Queen came on!!!

[16anxiousthoughts]

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.

Please.

[16anxiousthoughts]

Water.

As a child the water was calm, peaceful and loving.

A constant sense of serenity.

It was warm, safe and relaxing.

I wished to stay there for eternity.

… But then came the storm.

The winds churned that once perfect blue until it curdled.

The mirror surface shattered alongside my heart.

Any playful motions now suffocatingly circled.

Slowly, shaking me apart.

Gone was the clarity,

Here lies my shattered sanity.

I couldn’t tell anyone,

For my turmoil had already won.

No one knew the pain that was felt.

No one knew the change of tide.

No one knew the hand I was dealt.

No one knew, for I had too much pride.

For the brain is a tricky thing,

Whilst it lay dying, the water still was king.

For my peace I had to give in.

To let the water take me, was my only self-indulgent sin.

I’d find comfort in the water,

Both then and now.

No knew the madness within.

For no one knew how it felt to drown.

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No more.

I was once living and carefree. I was happy to just be.

I was a child with so much innocence that I couldn't see, just what you were truly doing to me.

I thought of us as the same. Friends. Family. Sisters.

You entered my life when I was alone. You were the bird with the broken wing that just needed care.

I never thought you'd be the first to throw a stone. Yet, you weren't even there.

The light you held up to me wasn't warm and bright. There was no illumination.

It was cold, cruel and sterile. It was a beacon of desolation.

Every insecurity was magnified under your scrutiny.

Every anxiety amplified by your tyranny.

You had my loyalty, my love, my hope and my trust.

Was I just not enough?

The emotional blows should have been my first clue.

The tackles and hits the second.

But then again, it was expected from you.

I tried to endure. I really did, but 3 years is a little excessive.

All I wanted was your affection, now I doubt if it was worth your aggression.

I was called weak for leaving; disloyal and traitorous.

I tried to tell you why, yet you wouldn't hear of it.

Apparently, "stop" could only be used by you.

But the worst part is that my love for you is still true.

I may still be broken and spent. Left to gather the shattered shards.

I have the faithful friends beside me, just trying to escape spot free.

I know you want someone to blame and to you that’s me.

I am fine with that so long as you leave them be.

I am not okay, but I am done.

I have no strength left, but my reign has only just begun.

Now to heal my sores; I say,

No more.

[16anxiousthoughts]

Announcement

I am sorry. I am going to scream into the void.

No one on this platform knows who I am or anything about me. This is the first place where no one knows my family and they can't see anything I do here. So, I am just going to vent and get it all out before all this internalising kills me. All my pressing thoughts, art, poems and shit-posting thoughts will be on this blog. Everything I can't say or do. Maybe someone here is in a similar circumstance and stage of life here and can relate to wanting a little freedom, if so, my heart goes out to you. If no one sees this, that's fine too. At least it's finally out there.

So, here I go.

This is my Freedom

[16anxiousthoughts]

OH MY GOD!!!

My brother pretended to punch me, and I wasn't paying attention so I just saw him out of the corner of my eye, so I tried to dodge him, BUT my bad knee gave out at the same time!!! AND I tripped of the washing basket and couldn't move cause the panic set in (Knee is also very swollen and I am limping. But I didn't dislocate it again, so that's a plus!). AND I landed on a nerve in my bad wrist/arm, so now it won't stop twitching. I fucking let out a yell/scream/cry like BANSHEE!!! Mum and I then had to calm my brother down after I could stand again, because he was a mess and felt so bad (it wasn't his fault!). So now, I am super embarrassed, bruised and sore.

[16anxiousthoughts]

Remember Friends:

If you ever feel dumb, I once had a panic attack whilst driving and stalled the automatic 3 consecutive times.

[16anxiousthoughts]

That is the most Athena thing I've heard in my life.

Athena: I'm not single. I'm taken.

Athena: ....

Athena: I'm taken my ass to the bookstore

[16anxiousthoughts]

You know you've seen it all when a teacher wears a suit and pretends to be Michael Bublé, singing "Feeling Good" and makes 3/4 of the student body horny.

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Do or Die! Die always die.

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“I’ll see you in Hell!”

“How dare you, you uncultured ignorant slut! That be my vacation home!!!”

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Shorties are like rodents. Tiny. Angry. Shit everywhere. Constantly breeding. Like cheese to an unhealthy extent. All the above apply if they are lactose intolerant.

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“Eat, Sleep, Love, Repeat” pffft. More like Shit, Die, Fuck me, Piss off not again.

[16anxiousthoughts]

Many people have a bucket list. I have a fuck-it list. It consists of all shit I don’t want to do… and the people I do want to do.

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I wake. I rise. I rest again. Take me back to the womb or my coffin. I am spaghetti.