2broken4happiness - Tumblr blog

[2broken4happiness]

This is premiering right ass now. Get it, if you’d like

[2broken4happiness]

I had this stupid idea

Everyone you love will die. 

This thought is universal. We all know it and sometimes we can even think about it.

but then, you start losing people.

you get the call while you are going about your everyday life.

Everything stops. You won’t have this chance again. They are seven hours away and they don’t expect to last the night.

You call. They hold the phone next to what you can only assume is your loved one.

The words are messy. The only people who can hear are them, phone next to the head of a stroke victim.

Their heart stopped for a second. It happened before but it wasn’t like this.

This is the last thing you will say to them.

You gargle something. Dialing the phone you were already crying.

There wasn’t anywhere private for you to go.

Tears streak. Your nose is plugged and useless. 

You just try to swallow enough sadness.

You just want to tell them goodbye. That you loved them. That nothing will be this same. 

You want to apologize. for something. for not understanding.

This moment couldn’t have been predicted. You had no idea. 

It is so hard. Breathing is foreign. 

You’ll look back on this and wonder what you wanted to apologize for.

You’ll miss them so much. You know there is nothing you can do.

They’ve seen all of the accomplishments from you that they could.

Anything more is an empty promise. 

A dream for yourself that you wished to share with them.

Success to build of the memories of family.

These days seemed so far off once. Success and death.

Now, they are dying. Death came first and you are still just you.

It could be a funny story one day if you are ever able to tell it without crying.

Without feeling regret. Without your nose backing up uselessly.

That feeling of ache behind your eyes and navel cavities throb. 

You force air through flem just to breath.

Tissues are soggy, Light distorts through your tears.

You think about those words again.

I love you goodbye I’m sorry

You feel it for an hour. You don’t know you will feel it again at the funeral.

You’ll see the pictures arranged by family

They’ll try to smile. You’ll try to smile. Your headache from crying in the car will hide behind your eyes. 

You will try to hide how much you are breathing through your mouth. How much you want to clear out the flem.

You’ll see it.

the body

their body.

Dressed your old shirt because none of their clothes fit them. 

You don’t even remember that shirt. You barely cared. 

You’ll never forget it now.

stupid shirt.

stupid death

and there they are

That’s THE body

Their body

past tense

So many soggy tissues transferred to the trash between gulps of water to smooth the tightness in your throat.

You won’t be ready for those feeling to come back.

Days, weeks, months, years later.

You’ll be lying in bed. Thinking about the unfinished novels. Thinking about the grandparent that read. The one that would have appreciated a book written by you.

You think about time wasted. Time spent being afraid.

You could have given them a draft all along.

They could have read it even unfinished. Even bad.

Perhaps they could help you with the fear. 

The fear of failure and rejection. 

The sweet siren calls of perfection.

Peers giving you a hard time and you echoing that hard time over the next few days.

You let it delay you. You set aside work. You focus on paying bills. You let word documents get buried by newer dates.

You never show them. 

I love you goodbye I’m sorry

You leave the keyboard for more tissue

You get the stupid idea that it is Christmas. Maybe the last grandparent would want to read what you wrote. What you write. What you work on.

Maybe, despite not reading, faltering eyesight, and a memory full of holes,

they will read it. Maybe a cousin will read it too them.

Maybe they won’t get mad about swearing or sex. Maybe they won’t mind how early a draft is.

Maybe they will think it is fine and good and a worthy accomplishment

A good trade for your time

Maybe the last one will think that they would have liked to read it.

They're looking down from heaven after all.

You might tear up.

You will get in the car and you will definitely tear up. You might drive out of house sight and pull over.

Use all the tissues. Release that nasal pressure.

I love you goodbye I’m sorry

It’s probably a stupid idea. I’m sorry.

[2broken4happiness]

I know Tumblr is dying or whatever but here is my Project for Awesome video and my NaNoWriMo completion video.

[2broken4happiness]

here’s a better one

[2broken4happiness]

Is it sad to run an empty Patreon? 

I launched a Patreon back in May. In celebration of putting up a YouTube Video every week that year and completing my Empathy Month series. I make video essay/vlogs and write fiction.

I had a few patrons but they weren’t very active. I got in the habit of updating it without a lot of feedback. Then there was a glitch sitewide on Patreon and all of my patrons disappeared with no responses from their emails.

Still, I have been posting with updates and rewards for the various tiers and public posts. It is a good place where I can center all of the things I make.

It would be really awesome if some people would go over and follow or even signup to be my patron. But just following and interacting would be just as cool. Thank you for reading.

[2broken4happiness]

[2broken4happiness]

New Tumblr Plan. Since there are so many people that forgot what happened last year and Charlottesville. A group of white supremacists and Nazis held a rally called “unite the right” to do what those words mean.  The Alt-right showed who they really are when a white supremacist ran his car into a crowd that killed Heather Heyer and injured several others. I will be only making this post once a day, every day until the end of the month, I’d like to think of it as the opposite of spamming. We must remember that White Nationalists are real, they have several shifting names, and are still active in the Republican party. Never let anyone downplay what happened. unite the right,  Charlottesville, Republican party, August, never forget,

[2broken4happiness]

bruised knees & lima beans

[2broken4happiness]

Help save Net Neutrality.

If the FCC wins this battle, the internet as we know it will be royally fucked over.

If you don’t like sending calls (trust me, I know where you’re coming from) text RESIST to 50409. Resistbot will help you set up a letter to your congressmen, senators, and even your state governor.

Please. Save the internet.

[2broken4happiness]

18if Rant It Sucks Abridged (like you thought it would) CW: TW: Self Harm and Suicide

[2broken4happiness]

Stop HB2796

HB2796 is an absolutely blatant attempt to strip away the civil rights of transgender people; and it’s absolutely fucking terrifying.

Quoting the official summary of HB2796:

This bill prohibits the word “sex” or “gender” from being interpreted to mean “gender identity,” and requires “man” or “woman” to be interpreted to refer exclusively to a person’s genetic sex, for purposes determining the meaning of federal civil rights laws or related federal administrative agency regulations or guidance. No federal civil rights law shall be interpreted to treat gender identity or transgender status as a protected class, unless it expressly designates “gender identity” or “transgender status” as a protected class.

HB2796 is currently with the Republican-majority House Subcommittee on the Constitution and Civil Justice. Please, PLEASE–especially if you’re cisgender, and doubly if you’re one of their constituents–call the Representatives on the committee and explain just how much damage this will do, how many lives it will destroy, and how many legislative careers (hopefully) hinge on its passage or failure.

Committee members are:

Chairman Steve King (R-IA-04) - (202) 225-4426

Vice Chairman Ron DeSantis (R-FL-06) - (202) 225-2706

Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ-08) - (202) 225-4576

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX-01) - (202) 225-3035

Rep. Karen Handel (R-GA-06) - (202) 225-4501

Ranking Member Steve Cohen (D-TN-09) - (202) 225-3265

Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD-08) - (202) 225-5341

Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY-10) - (202) 225-5635

(Note - Listed phone numbers are for DC offices only, but links go to pages with both district and federal office information, as well as additional avenues of contact.)

[2broken4happiness]

I just watched part of a Laci Green Twitter video about how she met with Sargon of Akkad, whom she calls Carl and spoke about how she was crying when she talked to him and hugged him and they hashed things out and she said he has apologised for some things: re his followers harassing Anita Sarkeesian.

But she referred to his past actions as “mistakes” and I’m just … Lost. Look, if she forgives him for what he has done to HER then fine, I forgive easily and I understand the impulse. But that language that distances him and protects him was so disturbing to hear.

For starters, Sargon KNEW his followers were harassing Anita, everyone did and he had nothing to say on it.

He has called feminism cancer, has said that BLM is a black supremacist movement to kill cops, said Trump was a lesser evil to Hillary Clinton, says that “social justice” courses should be suspended because they are also supremacists and has actively minimized the “alt right”’s white supremacy.

THESE ARE NOT MISTAKES.

And I’m pissed at some sobbing short video because he treated her a bit like a person in the street and they took a selfie together so everything is just a “mistakes” meanwhile he holds all of the toxic, disgusting and dangerous opinions he always had.

I honestly couldn’t make it through the video, the simpering over him managing to step over an incredibly low bar of basic human decency was just to fucking much.

Forgive him if you want to, but don’t cry into a camera and declare his actions “mistakes”.

[2broken4happiness]

[2broken4happiness]

[2broken4happiness]

I got a tattoo and will post a better pic when it doesn’t look irritated as hell

[2broken4happiness]

via weheartit

[2broken4happiness]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmqPQWzAeec)