2gay4thisw0rld - Tumblr blog

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #14

It's 26/04/2024, I had three job interviews. Only one agreed to my part-time hours 🎉 I am weirdly excited, even though the money is not a lot. I will finally be able to be a bit more independent. I know I will not be able to save up as much. But still better than nothing. It is not worth making myself sick to receive more money.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #13

It's 23/04/2024, and I have been unemployed since February. In February I spent a week in the Netherlands. I missed it... I did not have to mask that much.

I missed being able to grab a bus or tram and just go somewhere. I have forgotten how comfortable I am around my real friends.

I did not feel sick and I was able to eat!

I never once felt pressured to mask. I felt a thousand kilos lighter...

Being back in my home country feels like I am drowning. I am back to only having cigarettes and energy drinks for "food".

I am trying to find a part-time job, but nothing so far... I cannot do that to myself again... I can't work 40 hours per week, I do not put my mind and body through that hell again...

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #12

It's 17/01/2024, I've put my four weeks notice last week. The manager has asked me if there's anything he can do in order for me to stay.

For context, none of my supervisors and the manager know that I'm autistic, they just know that I have chronic migraines (which get worse during burn out).

So here I am again.... Burned out and needing to quit so I don't put myself in an early grave.

Cigarettes and energy drinks are my source of "nutrition". If it's got calories it's good enough for me.

Less painful than getting out of bed to make a simple sandwich.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #11

Today is 02/01/2024, and I am finally running on fumes and crashing. I have been trying to hold on as much as I can. But I cannot do it anymore, every day is a struggle. After a shift I do not have the energy to even take care of myself properly, I wake up every day with a migraine. I really wish I could just quit but I will feel guilty if I do not give them 4 weeks' notice, as it says on the contract. I unfortunately still need an income... I am at a loss, I do not want to wake up sick every morning, I do not want to get yelled at by customers for their mistakes, and I just want to live.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #10

So... yesterday I had "training" for mobile support, the training was only 4 hours. So from tomorrow I have to start troubleshooting for mobile as well... After only having 4 hours of training. When I got hired as Tech Support I had to do 3 weeks of training for TV and Internet troubleshooting, but they expect me to start troubleshooting for mobile after only 4 hours of training?? I am already so burnout, I can barely handle the calls I receive for TV and Internet everyday, I do not think I will last much longer...

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #9

My “vacation” starts this Sunday. I will be taking a week off. I know it is not going to help with my burnout. I sadly still work 8 hour shifts, the process of getting my hours reduced is taking too long... Gonna have to tough it out again. I just hope my “vacation” will help with migraines at least.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #8

I have been working at a call center as tech support for 3 months. Somehow I'm more burned out than when I was working at Burger King.

I am still going to occupational therapy and regular therapy.

After 3 months, my occupational therapy FINALLY understands my burn out.

I can't work for 8 hours a day and be expected not to have an autistic meltdown.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get the help I need in order to live in this capitalistic hell.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #7

My migraines have been worse lately. I don’t know if it is because my sleep schedule had to change rapidly due to work or because i have to deal with receiving over 200 calls per day, from customers yelling at me about an issue that is not the company’s fault.

Time passes by slowly... I know it is a cozy office job, but I feel more t ired than usual. I dont even have the energy to play video games anymore... I just get in bed and do nothing till it is time to sleep. That's it.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #6

8 hours a day... For the rest of my life...

I don't think I can do this... Live like this. How did our grandparents do this? How did our parents do this?

I've been at this job for 2 months and I'm already so burned out...

How do people enjoy life?

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #5

Got a tattoo for my bday 🎉

I really like the tattoo artist, I got 2 other tattoos from him. But sometimes, I feel like I am super awkward.

I try to make conversation but I end up feeling like I am annoying. The artist is super chill but I cannot get rid of the feeling that I cannot communicate properly or that I talk too much.

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Same bestie

I can’t decide if I need 50 cups of coffee or a month’s worth of sleep.

Caitlyn

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #5

OK... So let me understand. I cannot inform my fellow co-workers if the a customer is calling to basically yell at us and not co-oporate. Basically, not letting us to our jobs. Why is this okay? 

There were instances where I had to contact support, and I never thought of yelling and insulting the other person at the end of the line.

But now as tech support, I have to sit there and take it? I can't even hang up. I have to let the customer treat me like shit because they don't know how to work their phone?

[2gay4thisw0rld]

me and who? 😭

shy roommate + glasses Cait

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #4

Am I broken??

  I am starting to doubt my ability to communicate with people. For example, I was at the gym today, and I was using a specific handle on one of the machines, I saw that the man next to me was looking for something, so I asked “I am sorry, Do you need this?” and I pointed at the handle.

The man then proceeds to ask me if I have a regiment, if the trainer told me to use that specific handle and if I know what I am doing. I then said to the man “Oh, I must have said it wrong, my apologies, I just saw that you were looking for something, so I thought you were looking for this” AND I POINTED AT IT AGAIN!!!

The man again just started asking me if I have a regime or a routine, and then he started telling me that I need to have a routine every day.

I gave up. I just let the man talk, nodding like I was agreeing with him.

Did I phrase the question wrong? Like... Why can't people understand me?

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary Post #3

How do humans function without planning??

I recently got a new job and everything just feels so last minute. Our supervisor makes the schedule whenever and you can't even ask him about it. He gets pissed.

Also, I am supposed to receive a work laptop in order to complete training and start working properly. It has been over a week, and still, nothing and then they complain that the ”newcomers are useless”.

I am still in the ‘training phase’ but it is clear that the person that’s supposed to train me was informed last minute, and they clearly do not want to train me. Makes me feel like a burden...

Why don't they just plan ahead? Seriously?! This is a big company, and you are telling y’all don't have the time or the resources to plan ahead?

[2gay4thisw0rld]

Diary post #2

Why do employers try to make the hiring process difficult? Just say you do not want to hire me. I am tired. I just had an interviewer keep telling me that I am “overqualified” for the position... Well... Y’all are the only ones hiring...  I insisted that I am more than happy to proceed and start working as soon as possible. I just want to survive....