5499h
attention deficit heck detergent
Nico | he/him | mostly inactive neurodivergency posting account
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autism focus music is like a soundtrack from a show or game you've liked since childhood on loop and ADHD focus music is like if you could play the noise a blender makes using drums
#adhd#autism#this one is going on the inactive neurodivergency blog because ive got hopes for it. am i right guys.#actuallyadhd#spent like 4-5 hours listening to the most deepfried fucked up 3tabs of breakcore over each other and banged out a whole assignment#so now i must post about it to everywhere. it just occupies all the extra brain space that would otherwise be going wild yk.#3 songs over each other is the go-to its songs and noise without being identifiable enough that i pay attention to them
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any and all neurodivergents in the club that experience speech loss episodes pls tell me what it's like for you
#adhd#autism#speech loss#neurodivergence#actually neurodivergent#like literally Anybody At All. depressed/anxious/pd/otherwise. for research purposes#i used to call speech loss episodes 'shutdowns' a good while back + got tested for autism bc of them but i am not autistic#so not shutdowns. similar bc i cant move or gesture+ it happens in episodes that r usually triggered by some kind of stress#in the past anxiety was a big contributor but nowadays im less anxious but they've started happening again
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me pacing the kitchen for an hour and a half at 1 am because I need me my midnight snack depression meal but I can't think of anything to eat
#adhddepression#not even exaggerating i been in here since before midnight it is 1:30#in other news ive been playing Skylanders swap force a lot recently. having fun with it#this blog has been dead because I've been doing well adhd-wise but it might turn into an academia hellscape when the school yr starts
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i temporarily lost a shirt earlier. which. like. how do i lose that. it was supposed to be ON me. i was WEARING that?? WHERE DID IT GO
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Why is making or changing plans so stressful. literally cried on the floor because while I couldn't decide to go or not now that I have confirmation that no, the plan isn't changed last-second, a friend texted asking if she could still get a ride home like this is So Minor but i CANT
#wronk blog. neurodivergent posting goes here#vent#??????????????#like After i was already supposed to be there a plan change got threatened so i ddint wanna leave ans nobody responded about it#now that i know its happening i should be able to go. i will have fun if i go. but i dont. wcant. why what the fuckkk
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the unstoppable force of needing therapy vs the immovable object of executive dysfunction's Never Sitting Down And Scheduling Appointments
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if you’re comfortable answering, are you named after anyone and is it nico d’angelo from Percy Jackson? because idk why but your blog reminds me a bit of this friend of mine that used to be very obsessed with him. I have barely read those books in years but now it is a burning question even though the answer is most likely no
i feel like this isnt the first time someone's asked me this but no, your friend is probably not me sorry
#not adhd#trying so hard to remember what the details of the last time this happened to me were#akshayah......bird organization summer camp..??...............some kid with my name obsessed with knives............ nicos think alike tbh#i mostly post on lord-shitbox these days so this blog's posts r mostly old 🙏🙏 adhd sideblog at this point even tho its technically a main#anyways guys this persons writing is lit fr take their uquiz
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I do my best work when i should be working on something else
#adhd#actuallyadhd#procrastination#NOTHING makes me as productive as having a big thing i should do but then i do literally everything BUT that
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update as of close to 2 years after I made this post:
I went in to get my blood tested for the first time since starting testosterone the other day!! It went extremely well and while I'm still slightly nervous I've finally gotten to the point where I can genuinely say I'm comfortable with needles. it took some time but i'm finally over it and I'm much happier than I was
me: i dont think im that scared of needles
me: * tries reading a PDF on how to do intramuscular injection things because hormone therapy*
me: *cries at least four times*
oh. oh okay then. uh. fuck
#trans things#needle mention#I do take gel form n not shots i thought our healthcare didnt have it but it does that was a pretty big relief#just easier yakno#i look forward to getting blood tests now because I know i can handle them well and they're like. a testament to the progress ive made#to be honest a lot of my life is looking back to my younger struggling self and knowing it Does get better. it did#sorry for being a bit inactive lols art has taken over my life
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im that perfect niche of adhd and gifted kid that creates no-effort perfectionist, in which I perform highly at things I like or enjoy doing but shut down when faced with subjects I have no confidence in or dislike and am unable to produce any results. Also, because things I like come naturally to me, I never learned how to put in effort to work on the things that I don't like, even if I could produce decent results with said effort I have been sliding by on never needing to try hard and therefore don't know how to. I expect all my work to be above average but never spend time or effort into making it so
#adhd#actuallyadhd#its not like i have an ego i know my limits i just cant push myself to them#im incredibly lucky!!! so many things come easy to me that its super easy to coast by#until im faced with something my brain decides i sooo cannot do becsusw why try if im going to fail my own expectations#insert extreme stress panicking here#to be honest though this was more me at the beginning of this school year!! with practice i am learning how to rlly try at stuff i dont like#it starts with letting myself suck ! and once I've gotten it out it might be bad but it is practice and will make me grow far more#than avoiding entirely#idk how relatable this is lol hyperspecific to me
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adhd work ethic modes, no in between:
I am zoning out and not doing it
I am working myself towards burnout in frenzied attempt to finish it
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Gets not enough entertainment from tv show, turns on phone to scroll through things to supplement while watching show, has to pause tv show to be able to read things on phone
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Just cleaned my room and even managed to vacuum all the dead bugs out of my window y'all are legally obligated to be proud of me now
#im still shakjnv#even emptied the vacuum cleaner into the trash can! and washed my bedding !!!#go do 1 cleaning task this is an exec dusfunc check point you can do it right now
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adhd inner dialogue be like "we need to focus" / "no we don't" / "damn can't argue with that" but then the night before the deadline the last part changes to "yes we DO" and the "no we don't" voice doesn't change its opinion at all
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Listening to music be like "I am definitely going to listen to the lyrics and contemplate them this time" *manually repeats song again* *zones out before lyrics start*
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Apparently nothing can motivate me to clean my entire room like a shit ton of homework I should be doing instead
#adhd#executive dysfunction#i cant do something until there's somethjng else i have to do#or start doing. immediately switch and abandon task#im having a mental healtj day tm but its rlly just driving me to clean everything like that'll help me run away from my problems#yay i guess???
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Every demon hiding in the darkness of my bedroom wishes to know me carnally
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