7khameleons

[7khameleons]

2025.5.27 venting to Jesus.

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done in my life.

This walk has been hard and I’m not gonna give up. I’ve been called “strong” all my life and I know that I am but being strong hurts. Sometimes I want to be weak and rest and I know You’ll be there to hold me, console me and carry me but I am legitimately tired.

How I see myself I’m a well rounded person who does a lot for others and expect something back not even if it is big but at least something will do. And I know that’s wrong but the gesture is what I expect, not something in specific. I know everything I do from my heart shouldn’t require anything in return but I just feel like I give so much and get nothing in return. Even intangible, people have spit in my face, multiple times. But how do I deal with this so it isn’t happening all the time? How do I handle dealing with people using me up with an empty “thank you?” Treating me like crap?

This weekend my energy has been sucked out of me by opposing forces who do not love or respect Your position in my life. Prayer works, anointing works but I need my full peace back. Monitoring spirits are real and I don’t want them around or in me. I love everybody but I just wish people find the love you give me and accept You so we can all be on one accord. They’re missing out from Your goodness.

This experience only shows me that I can help save souls but everyone won’t want to be saved. I can’t force a horse to drink water. I can only force and make myself want to accept Your love. But again I’ve tried but the remarks and actions against who You are in my life will never suffice. I will not allow someone to deny Your place in my heart and I will not continue to try to save someone from You departing them from You. I know it’s not my place but again everyone just can’t be saved. The towel has been thrown in.

As much as I try my best to do good I feel like I’m not doing enough. I know that You might be looking at me like I’m doing too much for the goodness but I am going to step back and let God work. Do you, God. That’s all that matters. I just need my space back. Demonic, evil forces will never be welcome near or around me; I bind them and rebuke them in the holy name of Jesus and also discernment is always at an all time high and I pray everyday the Holy Spirit shows me who is for and against me and keep me away from who is not for me.

There are some things that need to be saved and some things that need to be thrown out and God…. You know what to do for me. I haven’t given up but I’m giving it TO YOU.

[7khameleons]

2025.5.5 seen Jesus + some spiritual warfare.

4/3 I posted on facebook that I seen Jesus that day. during my fast (which I need to do better at) but I was praying deeply on an off day and I seen a silhouette of Jesus like a film camera reel as my eyes were closed and my body was slightly warm and I cried even harder.

feeling his presence as it was my first time completing my first fast, I was very fulfilled by His presence. knowing I been slipping certain days from reading my Bible/scripture, worship and meditation... I am slowly getting back on track. one thing I definitely know I will not mess up is the blessing of being able to work and the job God blessed me with after a 7-month drought of not working. I personally cut myself off from people who were not for me, stopped doing things I am not supposed to do and mainly everyday I go into work, I am purposely allowing the Holy Spirit to work on my heart while I work on the clock.

as I've been feeling fulfilled, recently my mental health has been declining and also challenging demonic forces to "bring it on" wasn't the smart thing to do because they went hard this weekend. fed me everything against God that's not in the Holy Bible BUT I continued to pray and I KNOW I'm back and I'm better, in Jesus' name!

exclaimer: never say you're ready for whatever as a "baby Christian"

but since all that has happened and I'm back at square one mentally, all I know is that, prayer is real. worship helps tremendously. and fallin' asleep to worship music keep nightmares from happening. it's like sleep anointing on the mind.

but if you haven't notice: this is a short & sweet blog due to the fact I haven't posted in over a month but I am still in my bag with Jesus! no doubt about it! post again soon!

[7khameleons]

2025.18.3 - i heard God speak; forgive myself.

I think since I've been so hard on myself lately, I believe I finally heard God speak to me. It wasn't necessarily a voice but I had to be silent after praying and repenting. and I heard two topics to study (didn't get to the second today because I need to blog about this experience). the two topics were: forgiveness and arrogance. I sat a bit longer thinking I would get a 3rd topic from God but obviously not because I sat there for about 2 more minutes and I think maybe He didn't want to overwhelm me but this is what I need to focus on at the moment.

so I just finished watching a video about forgiveness online because I sinned this morning and was a bit angry about myself and I'm all about holding myself accountable. because I been trying my hardest y'all. ANYWAYS... I watched the video and the message in the video was not only to be forgiving but mostly to forgive myself. I'm the #1 person you'd hear say "I'm proud I don't look like what I been through," because I really been through some stuff where I feel like my life SHOULD be a Lifetime Movie, lol, but point is. I been SO hard on myself where not only through learning the Gospel, I've been so hardcore and the anger I've built for the people who did Jesus wrong has somehow, someway shaped into a form of arrogance that I cannot explain. I just really have smoke for people. but although this is a topic God told me to study on, I know I also have to drop not only the action of being arrogant with whatever it may be but the forgiving MYSELF before I forgive others been on my heart...

two weeks ago I got a library card and got a book to read about forgiveness, not only about forgiveness in the Bible but just in a general sense. and I can say all day I forgive people, which I feel like I do but it's moreso me. another message in this video, he said per MY notes, "I don't have to show my wounds, only my scars. scars show HOPE and what wounded me doesn't have to hold me FOREVER!" which makes perfect sense. I can let go of any and everything I've been through and not allow it to hold me back in the future.

sidenote: John 20:24-27 speaks on Thomas honestly questioning yet also doubting Jesus' wounds and Jesus pulls up with the door locked granting her permission to check for himself. Thomas wanted to see with his own eyes since he was never present during Jesus' crucifixion. this time he was there.

I can let go of what wounded me to BE FREE to survive in the future God has intended for me. I just don't have to pretend IT NEVER HAPPENED. THIS IS NOT DENIAL. the devil has the hammer but he doesn't have the nails. this is not his story to narrate. it's the self-inflicted wounds I must let go of no matter how much they mold me into I am.

so therefore, today I conclude that i must forgive MYSELF and have the faith to BELIEVE where that hurt happened is where my healing WILL take place. God will release strength in my life from the place where the hurt occurred!

[7khameleons]

2025.31.1 - thoughts in silence of boredom.

so partially out of fear and boredom, I noted that God speaks to me through social media, while doomscrolling. it is bad but since I know I have this weird, but good way of communicating with Him, I notice the messages he's sending me. true.... algorithm exists, but I see the messages in the reels I am supposed to see. are we in the end times, I ask myself? possibly. am I preparing myself? absolutely. could I be doing much better with preparation? absolutely. during this time of preparation of Jesus returning for Judgement Day, as a mother, it is hard to explain WHY I have to do these things, without cursing and being frustrated. so the best way I get it through my child's head, is to listen closely and follow me because I am a child of God too. knowing some of the surface level things that will happen before Jesus returns, I am going to prepare myself, my family too. despite the things going on in my family and with friends, I could care less but I rather approach them in a way Jesus would. softening of my heart and of my mind is hard but I convict myself more and more everyday so I know God knows my heart is changing. nobody wants to be an a--hole but loving God aka lukewarm. I surely do not because that will only get me in Hell. recallin' the tears I cried December 2020, I seen a very long video showing all the tragedies that occurred that year, including Xvid-19 plus much, much more, that is only God's warning of what is to come and what worse will happen. I feel so hurt that I'm among people that are blind to the eye of what will come. I am convicting myself more to be open with who I serve and IT SUCKS because I don't feel like arguing with these friends of the world and I am also supposed to help them NOT GO TO HELL. moments of speechlessness, moments of tears and thank God no moments of guilt but He knows my heart so I write because I want to look back at this showing God that I tried and am trying and will continue to try. I personally do not want to go to Hell. for these past few weeks, I've been researching things I've learned from my bible, I haven't listened to the music I once loved, I have barely opened my mouth, scared I'll curse and if I do, I say "Forgive me Jesus," but I am proud of my growth. I've written on sticky notes The Lord's Prayer, scriptures to remember by feelings and what I want to plant in my heart because I don't want to succumb in this world and die and go to Hell. idk how many times I have to say that, but it's not even a fear anymore. I've always been afraid to die but knowing I have to leave my physical body and one day and know I want to be in Heaven with all the gifts God promises us, I prefer that. I don't fear death anymore, I don't ever fear Satan. I've suffered alot of trauma in my life. I've been to therapy PLENTY of times but just finishing therapy 2 weeks ago was the BEST thing that happened to me. God forgive me but I was tired of that lady helpin' me. I just wanted to read the Word You've provided. The Bible comforts me so much easier than therapy from licensed, trained personnel. but saying all this is to just say... I see the messages God is sending to warn us all. I'm alert as I've always been and I do NOT want any distractions. I rebuke any negative monitoring spirits, conniving people around me to cease their wishes of me to fail and to hope I go to Hell. I denounce the devil and pronounce and announce Jesus is my Savior and He is King, head of my life, my confidant. I know as I write this that He is smiling and I pray everyday that he blesses me with the smallest things I can notice. I don't want nothing tangible from you Lord, just change my heart, heal my body and protect my family for what is to come. I LOVE YOU more than you ever know it. -Khameleon

[7khameleons]

1 Timothy 4:16

"Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."

[7khameleons]

2025.3.1 - 1st post on new tumblr blog.

good evening to anyone who sees this. I made a new tumblr and don't want to go back to my old one because I told myself that I would disassociate from social media. I don't have Facebook or Twitter/X app on my phone although I'm blogging from my PC BUT... I am in a season of accountability of my spiritual and mental health. I received a spirit of this name Khameleon to change to because I don't want to go by BeautifullTrise and before that name, I went by TriseTheBeast... I'm 33 and suffered a lot of painful things in the past and these names do not represent who I want to be--- just probably who I thought I was. I'm not getting any younger so I'm holding myself accountable to keep this blog up to show MYSELF only that I can come here and share my thoughts with no judgement due to the path I set forth on in August 2024... my journey towards God.

the name "Khameleon" or chameleons TO ME represent change and adaptation. Chameleons according to Google represent transformation, balance and clairvoyance. Chameleons in the Holy Bible represent a renewal through the power and guidance of God's Spirit and Word. I heard someone either in a song or a stream on Twitch (I forget which one) mentioned "chameleons" or some word that rhymes with it and since that day it has stuck with me and I didn't want to forget it.

as far as my mental health, I'm on a rollercoaster but the only thing that is keeping me together is myself either blogging or doing bible study. I've spent years venting and spazzing online as if others would help me. the conclusion I've come to: NOBODY IS GOING TO HELP ME LIKE GOD HAS ALL MY LIFE. I've spent years being a people pleaser when I wasn't pleasing myself nor God. so this year it is about me and God. it's weird I ever typed it like that. i'm not at war with Him; just the enemy because I know where I want to be on a day-to-day basis and I know where I want to be when I leave this earth..... Heaven.

so I pray that this journey while I'm blogging online, I leave this blog to my daughter (who is 10 btw) so she can look back at this and know that Mommy made the best decision of her life... to give it to God and I want to document what I'm learning and what signs, messages and blessings God has given me to bless not only me and her. too bad I'm a crybaby. I just cried writing those last few sentences. but it's rather out than in.

that being said, welcome to my world. I'm Khameleon. I might not show my face, but if I do, I won't show it all. I just want to pour my heart out, find my purpose in life and make God, Jesus, the angels and my daughter happy.

I'll be back. this was just an intro.

love & serenity.

Khameleon

[7khameleons]

Jesus was perfect and people still hated Him. Stop caring so much about what people think of you.