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My Harvey is finally done

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Link from Botw

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You have any I can buy? Haha

TOAST ME! CHEESE AND HAM

Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me. Toast me, cheese me, ham me, kill me. Well, they were only 70p for a brace from tesco frozen, who could refuse? I���d been told of these toaster activated savoury hot pockets, curious indeed but too disgraceful to get involved with. My periscope won’t go lower, I want to see the fish with elbows for faces and glow in the dark nose hairs. 70p though, not even on offer either. It would have been rude not to. I was damned if I didn’t and damned if I did. It was a Sunday, I was a little worse for wear, it was a solo mission for breakfast components. These toast mes were an additional, a starter piece for Lady Legend and I. I wouldn’t ordinarily have spotted them but on this particular trip to Tesco I was being methodical. Scanning all aisles and paying particular note to the lesser spied freezer sector. These Tesco Expresses are a fascinating experiment in whittling. Whittling all the breadth and excess of larger Tescos in to a core range of strictly essentials. Where’s the puff pastry? The fresh herbs? The lamb mince? Don’t have it, mate. Where’s the cheese and ham toaster activated frozen snacks? Right this way, sir!

Purchased and home, hands shaking uwith the obscenity of it all. I strip back the foil wrapper, packaged like your neighbourhood pop tart. The instructions say to toast on the highest setting for a couple of minutes. I’m nervous, the highest setting? 7? It’s a road less travelled, it’s the number your smoke alarm dreams about. I’m scared, as I put the two frozen boards in my toaster, I’m scared. I’m envisaging the great billowing black as soon as I pop them down. My eyes are transfixed. I’m sure this will go wrong. It’s going to char the golden crumb, maximum is too high! I’m thinking of the boy who scolded his face on the blistering pop tart, the pop tarts that say to toast activate on the LOWEST setting. And here I am, putting cheese(!) in a toaster on the highest(!) setting. This could be a fatal dose. It goes against everything I’ve ever known but it’s ok because they’ve just popped up and they look fantastic. The cryogenic defrosting process a success!

I wheel them in to Lady Legend, the silver cosh whipped away to reveal two golden(ish) breadcrumbed steam slates. Oh you shouldn’t have, slaving away in the kitchen while I sleep the sleep of a thousand sleeps. Darling, it was nothing, I only pressed a button and watched my life flash before my eyes, a monkey could have done it! Hang on, she takes in the majesty of the plate or lack thereof. She, the cat’s Mother, was expecting some kind of classical toastie-based cheese and ham. Not this, a thin breadcrumbed floor board. A throwback to the days of Findus crispy pancakes and spam fritters. Fair dinkum in their time but it’s rare that you see people gorging on it in this day and age. What’s the modern day high falluting-ish equiv? Turkey escalope? Schnitzel? This is flat like a schnitzel, squashed kiev-lite. All the fun of melted cheese and meat without the breathy consequence. First mouthful is in. It’s hot but not scolding, I take a load off. Thank my good tongue, you’ll sleep well tonight lad. It doesn’t taste too bad actually. It tastes dirty but a bit tasty too. This is the impression at first bite. It goes downhill and fast. This thing is so thin, it’s like 5mm deep. The cross section shows a thin layer of ham and an even thinner hint of cheese, clad either side by a spanking of breadcrumbs. Lady Legend is not impressed, declaring it at one point the worst thing she has ever eaten. The words “dirty” and “filthy” are peppered throughout. It’s an ordeal, it starts off a cheap trick but turns…how does one so thin and board like weigh so heavy upon the lungs? We’ve been watching a lot of Man V. Food lately and I think that Toast Mes could be the snack that finally kills him. If man was to take on a platter of this food, like 12 sheets maybe, it would be fatal. These diminutive toaster ghosts can and will knock a man down.

The overwhelming feeling from knocking back just one Toast Me is guilt, perhaps some dread too. What was that? Why did it come from the toaster? Who cooks these? Why so cheap? That 70p wasn’t a reduction, it was the RRP. Who does that? Who is she? It’s true grit, classic dirge stakes. You’ve got to admire it, to a point. I wouldn’t tackle one alone, you need a partner in crime and preferably a St John’s ambulance waiting in the wings. Toast em if you got em.

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Sex is lame have you guys ever played gw2 tho that shit is fire

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fellow guild wars 2 enjoyers that arent popular and part of the cool kids and have ocs that everyone knows/loves and create banger fanart and post really good fics and all that

fellow guild wars 2 enjoyers that are just kinda there and kinda average

lets band together. and maybe kiss.

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Been trying for over a month to get him the original way... finally!

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I am actively obsessed with this man.

I also got bored today so drew him

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daily affirmations.

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Anyone else got theme songs for your commanders? And if so what?

Everytime I hear Creature by Half Alive all I think of is her

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"Fuck you and also fuck me apparently." - Faolain

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Chaos by any other name

Preface: This is a rewrite of a very old Nyra fic from 2021. You can read it here, but I’m sure this version’s much better because it’s 2023 and we evolve over time! This started as a writing exercise for me but I grew invested, somehow was unable to write anything else before I finished this, so I decided to make it a birthday gift for Nyra! Now with upgraded screenshot I haven’t had a chance to post yet. I ended up quite liking the results too. Thusly, I hope you like them too <3

TW: brief mentions of childbirth & death

– 1314 AE 

There’s been talk at the parties. There’s always talk at parties, she’s gathered, but it’s never things that interest her. Her mom’s good at it, talking about uninteresting things, especially when they have other nobles over in their estate. Thankfully, they bring their children so Nyra isn’t alone. 

Now those are interesting conversations. But one question comes up more often than others - the question of Gods. They’re almost eight, which means one of the Gods will bless them officially. Their gifts are all starting to show. Nyra feels a little out of place sometimes. Hers aren’t here yet and neither is her magic. It’s okay for the magic - it usually comes later, but the gifts? Nyra purses her lips every time her friends ask her about it. She tells them she doesn’t know, because she doesn’t and it makes her skin itch. 

Sometimes, she dreams she’s blessed by Balthazar. His war blessings will surely go well with being a soldier and she’s Ascalonian, she will fight. Sometimes, she wishes she could whisper to the trees and find her way around nature more easily than others. And sometimes, only sometimes, she dreams of Lyssa and illusions. 

It feels right when she dreams of illusions. But she doesn’t think she has any to make. 

One day, they’re walking home from the temple when her mom asks: “Which god do you think blessed you most, Alyssa?”

Keep reading

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I want people to tell me about their ocs.

I love seeing everyones passion, intricate details of their characters' trauma and lifestory

Tell me everything!

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GUILD WARS 2 | story content so far

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How touch starved do you think the commander is

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hate how most of my problems are abstract or systematic i wanna fight more of them with a sword

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Couldn't pick a filter.