a-real-sad-guy

[a-real-sad-guy]

and what if i said it made me sad because it reminds me i would never have a chance with someone like you in any possible universe

then what

[a-real-sad-guy]

edit: if you like or reblog this you’re a horrible person lol this is not #relatable content for you this is not for your weird ass glorified mental illness aesthetic im in genuine fucking crisis go away

i dont know what to do. it feels like ive been doing this to people since i was a child. its like no matter how hard i try to restrain myself all i ever do is hurt the people i care about. i want to be better. i want so desperately more than anything in the world to be better. especially for my current friend and fp who i cant stop repeating the same cycle with. we just had the worst fight of our relationship and now theyre not talking to me anymore. right now im scared im going to wake up tomorrow and find that they blocked me. i know i deserve it. but im terrified of being abandoned. i want to be a good person and a good friend for them but its so hard to do when im at the lowest ive ever been in my life and i have no access to therapy or medication. but what am i supposed to do? just never have friends? isolate myself from the entire world until i can get help? which might be years from now? its all so painful and i think at this point i deserve to be in pain. i deserve it. i dont mean to hurt people. i dont do the things i do because im evil and want to make people suffer. i just feel all the things i feel so intensely and i feel so scared and alone. i dont want to abuse or manipulate anyone. i just feel like its too late for me. for the rest of my life, im just going to repeat the cycle of getting too attached and acting insane and hurting people. i just want to be normal, and have normal healthy attachments and friendships. i dont think that's ever going to happen for me.

[a-real-sad-guy]

im shaking and hyperventilating and crying and vomiting over you and you’re aware of all of that and you still refuse to do the one simple thing you could do to make all of that stop. i don’t fucking get it. do you just like hurting me? is it funny? am i entertaining?

[a-real-sad-guy]

I CANT FUCKING FUNCTION BECAUSE OF YOU AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER A YES OR NO QUESTION AND YOU REFUSE TO EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE YOU HATE ME THIS MUCH

[a-real-sad-guy]

I KNEW YOU WERE LYING THIS WHOLE TIME ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SAID YOU COULD HANDLE ME

[a-real-sad-guy]

WHY DID I EVER THINK YOU CARED ABOUT ME

[a-real-sad-guy]

YOURE TRIGGERING ME ON PURPOSE BECAUSE YOURE PETTY AND PISSED OFF

[a-real-sad-guy]

DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEGGING FOR YOU TO LOOK AT ME? I DONT BUT WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN I FEEL LIKE IM DYING OVER WHAT YOURE PUTTING ME THROUGH

[a-real-sad-guy]

you dont care, you never did

[a-real-sad-guy]

i shouldnt have to beg for your acknowledgment of me.

[a-real-sad-guy]

stop. liking. peoples. vent posts. you guys suck

[a-real-sad-guy]

it’s not that i want to have sex with them it just fucks me up to remember they have someone else even though i know we could never be in a relationship like that and theyve known them way longer than me i know it’s not rational and i would never say it to them but it doesn’t make it feel less shitty

[a-real-sad-guy]

i cant even tell you how much it’s killing me

[a-real-sad-guy]

because im jealous and don’t want to admit it

[a-real-sad-guy]

haha no pressure or anything but if you don’t talk to me when i know you’re online im going to assume i did something wrong and you hate me and you’re about to block me

[a-real-sad-guy]

edit: stop fucking liking this post you guys are horrible people have some basic human decency jesus christ

you shouldnt get to be a year older

you should be dead for everything you put me through

i was a little boy when you met me

all i wanted to do was post silly drawings

i didnt even know how to tie my own shoes

you were old enough to know right from wrong

and old enough to know how young 10 years old is

you left me feeling dirty and taken advantage of

and now im always upset on november 5th

youre definitely a grown man now

did you ever change?

did you ever feel remorse for what you did to me?

back when i didnt even know what the difference between the vagina and cervix and uterus was

but according to you i was still okay to talk sexually to?

do you still think youre a victim?

after putting me through abuse after abuse after abuse for almost 4 or 5 years

do you still think you have the right to pretend you’re the victim?

if you felt so abused by a child you could have left

but you didn’t

because no other kid would let you keep hurting and exploiting them

only me

because you taught me to convince myself i deserved it

because i “pushed you to it”

because i brought you to your “breaking point”

because i was being a “dumbass”

and you did all of this

because you knew i was too scared to leave

so you could do whatever you wanted to me

right?

8 years later

and im still crying on november 5th

and you’re still alive and getting older

in what world is that fucking fair?

[a-real-sad-guy]

it’s getting to me more than i thought it would