aaaaaaaadhd-studying - Tumblr blog

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

thinking about how much work i could get done if i would do it

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

More men in short shorts with hairy legs!! 📢📢📢

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

sometimes i actually get my shit together but then i lose it again like 2 days later

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

March 2021 Illustrations ヽ(• ‿ •)ノ

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

So many idiots have masters degrees maybe I could be the next

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

13/03/2023

very very tired today, but unfortunately I have tasks to complete regardless, so:

Language practice

Duolingo Spanish

Duolingo Japanese

Kanji practice

misc

pick up meds

plan out the week

seminar reading

Bennett

Flyn

Iovino & Opperman

Jamie

Smithson

seminar mindmap

(ID: a closeup of orange carnations with something of a red-yellow gradient to their petals. end ID)

at least I have these to keep me company

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

When people ask, “How can I tell if someone is disabled or just lazy?” I think about my parents.

My parents have known me my whole life. When they’re not actively contemptuous of me, they do seem to be somewhat aware of my general personality and character. In one of his nicer moments, my dad has called me “sweet-natured.” They can tell that when I make them a surprise breakfast or lunch that I enjoy being helpful and doing nice things for people.

They know from watching me grow up that I have always had trouble keeping my room clean, getting homework done, and keeping my desk tidy at school.

The longest I can push myself past my limits is about nine months. Then I collapse and end up less functional than I was before I pushed myself. This has been a pattern throughout my middle and high school years. I would go to public school for about a year, and then collapse and have to do the rest of my education at home. My work history follows this pattern, too.

I once sat in a therapy session with my dad to talk about the constant struggle we were having at home because he wanted me to help out more and do better in school. When he asked me why I didn’t do things, I broke down in tears, because I couldn’t explain it. “I just CAN’T. I want to, and I CAN’T.” Nobody listened.

My mom asked me why I don’t do things, and I said, “I just can’t. I sit there for hours trying to convince myself to do things, and I can’t. Move.”

And she said, “Don’t think about it, just do it,” completely missing the point.

When I got older I found words for the things I was dealing with. I got professionally diagnosed, and I’d look up information about my diagnosis and e-mail articles to my parents explaining what my disability is and why I can’t do things.

My parents have firsthand information about my character (helpful, likes doing things for others) and my history with disability (can’t consistently keep things clean, can’t manage a daily schedule). I’ve talked to them extensively about my diagnosis and given them information about it. They have known me my whole life, and I’ve always been this way. And they still, STILL choose to believe I’m just a bad person who doesn’t try and doesn’t care.

My disability isn’t invisible, people refuse to look at it.

People like problems they can yell at. They like having a target for their frustration. They don’t want to admit disability is real, because they want problems that they can either solve, or blame someone else for. And the disabled person themself is  their scapegoat, someone who can’t ever opt out of their role because the disability is never going to go away.

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

there is nothing wrong with being mediocre. there is nothing wrong with not being the best at everything you do. there is no guilt in doing the bare minimum because you have no energy to do more than that. “living your life to the fullest” can mean different things for you at different times in your life. sometimes, it is achieving your goals and fulfilling your purpose, and sometimes, it is allowing yourself to rest and just get through it.

you deserve the space to simply be. to exist, to witness, to breathe, and to find peace.

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

needing to do uni work but wanting to write fiction so of course I’m sat here doing neither

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

More How To Manage ADHD

“I never remember to take out the trash until my trash can is full, at which point the trash bag is really heavy and the stuff at the bottom has been rotting a while, and it’s awful!”

Small brain: “Try to train yourself to take out the trash on certain days at certain times.”

Large brain: “Buy a tiny trash can. Now you HAVE to empty it.”

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

maybe mediocrity isn’t wrong. maybe you don’t need to be the best at everything you do. maybe you don’t need to be the best at anything you do. it’s ok to simply do things because you enjoy doing them. its ok to not want to advance in your job. nothing has to be a competition. you don’t need to be better than anyone. you can do things just because they’re fun. you don’t need to read up on the history, and know everything about it. its ok to just exist. its ok.

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

splaying my fingers together like a comicbook villain whose plans are working out perfectly when an article mentions rhododendrons and their ecological impact in Britain

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

hahaha why are you draining all those bogs that’s silly no don’t do that no I’m serious those are immeasurably valuable carbon sinks and unique ecosystems stop it sTOP IT dude we NEED those

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

okay it’s still possible with ctrl+shift+1 so I guess I won’t have to embark on a life of crime just yet

rotating pages in acrobat reader is a paid feature now apparently im going to kill someone

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

rotating pages in acrobat reader is a paid feature now apparently im going to kill someone

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

29/01/2023

Not experiencing ambient joint/muscle soreness today, and wouldn’t you believe it, that makes existence a lot less ambiently miserable!

Also got some incredibly positive feedback on my creative writing assignment, which was a very pleasant surprise

And I found a 2023 diary for half price which is basically just 52 absolutely delightful botanical illustrations:

(ID: a page of the above mentioned diary, with an illustration of forget-me-nots. end ID)

now, on to today’s tasks (of which, thankfully, there are few):

Misc.

Duolingo (Spanish) (Japanese)

groceries

laundry

dishwasher

Creative Writing

reply to email

Ecotheory

read O

read Clare, ‘To a Fallen Elm’

(amended this slightly after looking over the worksheet. which it might have been wise to do first. but then again I don’t think that would’ve led me to where some of my thought paths ended up)

[aaaaaaaadhd-studying]

didn’t get everything done yesterday, but I did finish all the things that were time-sensitive, and there’s still enough time left to get the rest of it ready for when it needs to be, so I’m not particularly worried about it

28/01/2023

Plenty of things to do today, let’s see how far I can get!

Putting these roughly in order of importance, which is also the order in which I’ll work through them - that way if I run out of time/energy before everything’s done, it hopefully won’t be too much of an issue.

Admin/misc

Duolingo (Spanish) (Japanese)

send off paperwork

Creative Writing

flash fictions

S

adjust wordcount

edit/revise

edit/revise C

look over T

send all of them off

read Kelman

Ecotheory

notes on Scott reading

B text

B lecture

Wordsworth text

C text

O text

also here are the flowers that currently keep me company:

(ID: a closeup of a pink and white lily blossom viewed from the left side. towards the centre, the petals are covered in short pink spikes. a drop of clear liquid clings to the tip of the style. the stamina each carry a clump of burnt orange pollen. end ID)