abearles-blog

[abearles-blog]

Wish I could meet someone who wants to fight for my heart. Stand beside me as I fight the demons in my head.

[abearles-blog]

My Mental State

I have so much deep inside

So many thoughts I try to hide.

The pain, the hate, the ideation,

Keeps my mind attached to the fixation.

The anger and hate I have for myself,

Keeps me from running and crying for help.

This life is too hard I will not last,

All because my life is stuck in the past.

If I cannot let go I will never win,

My time keeps ticking my strength is thin.

Depression pushes away all my happiness,

Leaving me numb and my mind restless.

I burn, I cut, I consume, I medicate,

But nothing quiets the chaos my mind makes.

My mental health is no laughing state,

It takes all of me to stop filling with hate.

Love, Joy, happiness and Hope keep me sane,

Abandomemt, anger & sadness my fears remain.

Another day, another hour, another minute,

My fear for myself seem so unrealistic.

So I cry in my quite place alone once more,

Wishing someone would walk through the open door.

I push away so many I want to keep close,

Afriad they will walk away with my little piece of hope.

My life is consumed with so much self hate,

This is just a breif glance of my mental state.

By : ABEarles Sept 22, 2018

[abearles-blog]

[abearles-blog]

One minute I'm fine,

the next I'm not.

I'm falling to pieces,

I'm lost in the dark.

I cry out for help,

But the sound never comes.

I'm so sick of this mess

I'm just overdone.

[abearles-blog]

This struggle is real. It's so easy to try to protect others from our illness and in the same proctect oursleves from losing another friend who cant understand.

me: i really wish I had someone to talk to, my thoughts are overwhelming me and I feel awful :(

someone I care about: hi honey I’m here for you! I love you! Let’s talk about what’s on your mind! What’s making you feel so bad?:(

me: oh haha it’s nothing:) how are you tho???:)

[abearles-blog]

new person: hi!

me: my personality for you will arrive in 5-7 business days once I figure out what makes you happy and how I feel around you

[abearles-blog]

Reblog if…

Reblog this if you have any of these:

Depression

Bipolar

Autism/Aspergers

ADHD

ADD

OCD

Anorexia

Bulimia

Schizophrenia

Borderline personality disorder

Anxiety

Dementia

PTSD

Paranoia

Stress

Anger issues

Tourettes

Any one that has any of these, just know, you are not alone, no matter how much you think you are not worthy. You are still human.

[abearles-blog]

How easy it is to do... Carry a weight that we weren't suppose to carry. The hard part now is figuring out the safest place to put it so you dont have to move it again. Lord teach me to climb better than i carry...

ᴰᵉᶜᵉᵖᵗᶦᵛᵉ ᴸᶦᵖˢ

[abearles-blog]

[abearles-blog]

Dealing with my thoughts can really terrify myself. Thoughts of thinking the world would be better off without my drama problem. But its not drama its something I fight with everyday. I can fight it off for a long time, but the I only problem is, after fighting it for so long I start to become numb and that terrifies me even more. I dont want to become emotionally dead, nor do I enjoy feeling emotions x10 the normal person. I wish I had a normal emotional range and could deal with stress and daily anxiety without becoming ill. Being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder has been a difficult road to accept. I know BPD is treatable, but its a very difficult road to travel. Its going to take a lot of effort to get where i need to be. I cant give up because my girls need their mom and they will be my inspiration. I will continue down this difficult path for their sake. They are my grace and my hope to be a better person. I miss them so much.

[abearles-blog]

So much stigma on mental health. Its not easy to deal with. It makes life so much more difficult than others, even more so if you look and can seem like I normal person with no issues. Good thing i dont have many friends. I would only stress them out and scare them off anyways.