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The Great Flamingo Uprising

(Edited after additional information was obtained from zookeeping cousin)

(UPDATE March 2018)

I told this story to a few guildies a while back and decided to archive it in a longer format; so here is the story of The Great Flamingo Uprising of 2010 as told to me by my favorite cousin who was a keeper at the time.

In addition to the aviary/jungle exhibit, our zoo has several species of birds that pretty much have the run of the place.  They started with a small flock of flamingos and some free-range peacocks that I’m almost certain came from my old piano teacher’s farm.  She preferred them to chickens.  At some point in time they also acquired a pair of white swans (“hellbirds”) and some ornamental asian duckies to decorate the pond next to the picnic area.  Pigeons, crows, assorted ducks and a large number of opportunistic Canada geese moved in on their own. 

Now; the ponds that dot the zoo property (I don’t remember how many there are but the one by the picnic area is the only one with swans) were also full of ginormous koi fish, some of whom by now are at least three feet long.  Sensing an opportunity to cash in on the koi, the zoo put up little vending machines all over the place that dispense handfuls of food pellets.  I swear to god the fish can hear the crank turning, and will show up at the nearest railing, blooping expectantly at whoever happens to be standing there and doing their best to appear starving and desperate. 

Like this.^  And they weren’t the only ones who learned to associate the sound with the imminent arrival of food.  The Canada geese knew a good deal when they saw one, and had long since ceased to migrate anyway.  They formed roving gangs of thug-geese and staked out their turf around the vending machines, ready to mug anyone with pocket change.  Picture yourself as a small child squaring off with a bird as big as you are fully prepared to strip search you while standing on your feet and yelling “HWAAAAAKK!!” in your face.  It’s deeply traumatizing to you and incredibly hilarious to your parents.

Anyway.

The flamingos had their spot near the zoo entrance and never seemed to mind the presence of the other birds, as they kept themselves to themselves and didn’t really like the taste of fish pellets.  The problem lay in that their shrimp pond was close to a vending machine.  Ordinarily that wouldn’t have been an issue at all, but eventually the goose population grew large enough that one of the gangs decided to annex it.  Being territorial little shits, they would harass the poor flamingos any time they strayed within ten feet of it.  The flamingos tolerated this for years until one day they snapped collectively.  Here’s a summary of the incident in chronological order.

1.) It was a hot day, so everyone in question both human and avian, were cranky by the time the zoo even opened. 2.) A few flamingos (let’s call them The Jets) strayed into the radius of the vending machine and were immediately confronted by the indignant hissing geese (The Sharks) 3.) Possibly due to heat and the simple fact that the geese had been giant douchebags for far too long, the flamingos decided fuck it, this time they were going to FIGHT BACK DAMMIT, and swarmed the geese en masse. 4.) Chaos ensued.  The geese were outnumbered 4 to 1 but had the advantage of being able to scream for back-up.  5.) Hearing the shrieking Canada geese and the bellowing of the enraged flamingos, the peacocks came to the conclusion that the apocalypse had come upon them and began to gather in the surrounding trees in droves and wail in despair.  Or cheer them on, whichever. 6.) NOISE 7.) Apparently one of the siege tactics employed by geese is to shit explosively all over everything. 8.) The geese, having secured reinforcements from all over the zoo, went berserk and proceeded to attack EVERYBODY who had come to watch be they human or otherwise. 9.) The flamingos were chasing/being chased by the geese through the crowd accompanied by cheers/wails from the peacocks in the box seats. 10.) Complete pandemonium when the zoo tram became stalled by the flamingo pond due to battling birds.  The Jets, sensing these were somehow reinforcements on the side of the Sharks, charged the tram.  Adults were doing the duck and cover.  Small children were screaming, adding to the noise.  People were slipping on goose shit and hitting the ground in the fetal position, only to be stampeded by the rampaging flamingos. 11.) The koi continued to bloop hopefully for food. 12.) Two of the geese were cornered by a rival gang of their own and were chased into the swan pond.  Cue slow-motion. 13.) The swans detected an enemy presence in their territory and by god, SOMEBODY was going to PAY.  14.) The staff were having no luck in breaking up the fight and on the verge of giving up and just building another zoo elsewhere when the hellbirds stormed the battlefield, trumpeting battle-cries, to dispense feathered justice.  The staff promptly dropped their brooms and fled. 15.) Birds scattered in all directions.  Up, down, sideways.  Some people not present in the park circle swear a couple of geese flat out teleported into the petting zoo. A few ducks vanished in the chaos, presumably eaten by the swans. 16.) Two of the zookeepers barricaded themselves in the snack bar and refused to come out.  17.) The uprising was squashed in less than two minutes.  Number of casualties was unknown, feathers were flying everywhere and there was enough goose shit to build another bird.  One staff member had been knocked to the ground and was left with a melon sized bruise courtesy of one of the hellbirds.  Several children were traumatized, probably for life.  The zoo eventually removed the vending machine by the flamingos. 

The geese went back to being giant douchebags. Because geese*.

Addendum:  Somehow, my aunt D got hold of this story and posted a link along with the comment: “This sounds exactly like our zoo!”  Zookeeping cousin replied: “This was exactly our zoo.”

*I’m really not kidding.  This is a photo, taken at our zoo, of a gorilla being chased by one of the thug geese.

Right, so I didn’t think I’d ever have anything to add to this, but here we go again.  Under cut because length.

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tes THDPSSSSPS 💜

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It wasn't in many bar scenes at all. The other place it very notoriously showed up was in "Heaven Can't Wait", when "Steve" signs for a delivery of Texan Star beer right before Dean sidles up to the checkout counter. There was also a broken one hanging over Dean and Crowley during "First Born", which is an interesting bit of (possibly retroactive) foreshadowing given how their whole situationship worked out. It generally makes sense as a symbol for "M/M love" and sometimes specifically a symbol of Dean being bisexual.

The other really clown-worthy beers (and forgive me for not remembering episode names):

"El Sol" is the Beer of Lies. Something is not as it seems. First seen in the episode with the Djinn, also in the episode where a high-school kid steals Sam's body, many other episodes. Also the beer being drunk in Heaven in the finale, interpret that how you like...

and

"Kingdom Beer" is the Beer of Castiel. They first drank it when Cas, Charlie, Sam, and Dean had a pizza party together. I don't think they ever used a neon sign (there was one billboard though?), but you will see a lot of instances where a single bottle of Kingdom Beer is placed in a shot where it would make sense for Castiel to be if he were there, and (I might be recalling wrong) I think I remember a big collection of Kingdom bottles on Dean's headboard sometime when Cas has been absent for a long time.

I might be getting a little conspiratorial here, but… y’all have seen this from Twitter, right? I SCREAMED when I got to this timestamp.

Do you see what I see? Right there, between Jensen and Misha?

…well if it isn’t our old friend the Texan Star Beer Neon.

Yeah. That one. 

This is the part where I might actually need to take the clown nose off: That’s in the storage room, right? There is literally no reason for it to be lit up unless someone lit it up on purpose, right?

My god, they were trolling us s o h a r d.

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“The markings upon the band begin to fade. The writing, which at first was as clear as red flame, has all but disappeared… a secret now that only fire can tell.” - The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring, 2001

Want to knit this scarf? You can download my free pattern here! :)

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Finally the king himself ✨

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caitlyn in the shower thinking about vi leaving and regretting not stopping her that’s it that’s the post

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Another sketchbook page of Weilan~ 😘💙🖤

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AU where the Ent wives were indeed living in the Shire, so when Saruman arrived there to make mischief he immediately got his shit wrecked by yet more walking talking trees

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Captain Pirate 🏴‍☠️⚓️

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Are you still active?

ehh, sort of? I peek in at my dashboard every once in a while (as I obviously just did.)

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They should make an alternate version of boba tea called kiki tea and its filled with spikes

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Gary Taxali illustration for an article titled “Paving Over the Fossil Record”

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5 year anniversary of the miette post \o/

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Katharine Hepburn in a photo shoot from Sylvia Scarlett, by Ernest Bachrach.