aheathen-conceivably - Tumblr blog

[aheathen-conceivably]

📩 Simblr question of the day: It's time to appreciate the small things! What's a small detail from one of your posts that you love? Could be a small tattoo on a sim, specific clutter in a sims' room, a little detail in a render or screenshot, whatever is applicable to you

OHHHH!! I love this one 👀🤗

And whew, do I ever. I spend an ungodly amount of time adding in details to the background or in sims outfits. Like I gradually cleaned up the 1930s farmhouse over time, removing cobwebs and trash and replacing them with keepsakes, or Jo and Gio’s room which changed as Jo’s mental state fluctuated.

As it got worse and worse, the one little space she called her own became more and more cluttered with things she might have used to distract herself. Sprinkled amongst them as the time goes on are more and more flowers, which I imagine Gio either picked or spent what little money they had on. Then by the time the space she really considers her own (her own physical self) has returned to what she considers normal, it’s all been cleaned up again (although not to exact state it was in before)…

But something I’ve really been ~emotional~ about lately is keeping heirlooms visible in the background and sneaking them into certain scenes to show how they move throughout time and space; and while they may remain static, the people and settings around them change. Of course one of the most visible has probably been….

But really, you can also see this with multiple photographs, particularly the ones Zelda keeps of her parents or siblings. I also try to do it with physical objects too, such as the clock from the Duplanchier's mantle in New Orleans (which is now near their photo wall in Strangerville), and, of course Violette’s music box, which belonged to her grandmother Delphine and then Josephine before it was hers...

...and I'm sure we haven't seen the last of it either 😉

[aheathen-conceivably]

📩 Simblr question of the day: It's time to appreciate the small things! What's a small detail from one of your posts that you love? Could be a small tattoo on a sim, specific clutter in a sims' room, a little detail in a render or screenshot, whatever is applicable to you

OHHHH!! I love this one 👀🤗

And whew, do I ever. I spend an ungodly amount of time adding in details to the background or in sims outfits. Like I gradually cleaned up the 1930s farmhouse over time, removing cobwebs and trash and replacing them with keepsakes, or Jo and Gio’s room which changed as Jo’s mental state fluctuated.

As it got worse and worse, the one little space she called her own became more and more cluttered with things she might have used to distract herself. Sprinkled amongst them as the time goes on are more and more flowers, which I imagine Gio either picked or spent what little money they had on. Then by the time the space she really considers her own (her own physical self) has returned to what she considers normal, it’s all been cleaned up again (although not to exact state it was in before)…

But something I’ve really been ~emotional~ about lately is keeping heirlooms visible in the background and sneaking them into certain scenes to show how they move throughout time and space; and while they may remain static, the people and settings around them change. Of course one of the most visible has probably been….

But really, you can also see this with multiple photographs, particularly the ones Zelda keeps of her parents or siblings. I also try to do it with physical objects too, such as the clock from the Duplanchier's mantle in New Orleans (which is now near their photo wall in Strangerville), and, of course Violette’s music box, which belonged to her grandmother Delphine and then Josephine before it was hers...

...and I'm sure we haven't seen the last of it either 😉

[aheathen-conceivably]

♥️ love train! send this to all the blogs you love! don’t forget to spread the love! ♥️

Glad to be aboard with ya my dear 🚂😙

[aheathen-conceivably]

Bibury, 1895

Emmeline

I suppose I’ve become quite the seamstress!

Almira has allowed me to alter some of her old dresses to fit myself, and I’m glad to finally be out of that tight-fitting bad memory. Still, the woman hasn't updated her wardrobe in quite some time, and I am reminded of my mother: whoever thought the bustle was a good idea did not have a posterior like my own!

Without the help of a lady’s maid, my hair has suffered likewise, though I have never been one to fuss very much over my own appearance. It's nice not to be made to. I have found myself surprisingly appreciative of the work I have been given; it keeps me from wallowing too much in my own hurt, which seems to grow by the day, rather than heal with time. I believe now that I have settled, in some sense, I've been given time to think about it all: Kenneth’s betrayal, Mother’s, the destruction of my manuscript, and — most of all — how dearly I miss my children.

I find I often dream of Kenneth and I, at home and happily wed, without any of the pain that has come to define our marriage to me in the day. It all feels so enticingly real until I wake, and I am enraged at his betrayal all over again.

At least the renewal of spring approaches — I must look forward to that, rather than think about how my condition grows with its coming...

LAST POST | NEXT POST

[aheathen-conceivably]

♫ ♫ ♫

[aheathen-conceivably]

Dearest brother,

You must forgive me for such a late response, I have read and treasured your letters, of course, but I have been rather occupied with preparations and I haven't quite had the time to write up a reply. Fear not though, Oliver, for I have fantastic news: Alina and I would soon be joining you all in America! I know you must be quite shocked. Truth be it although it has been great getting to know your not so little family through correspondence, my yearning for home is now overwhelming and I find that I want my darling Alina to get to know the cousins she so often reads about (she swears she and your Willa will be the greatest of friends age notwithstanding). I also can’t deny the fact that I am getting on in years and I want Alina to have a family even when I’m gone. She is quite excited as am I. We will be sailing on the RMS Titanic, I'm quite sure you would have heard of it- it's all over the papers here. They say it's perfectly safe despite it's vastness though that hasn't been enough to calm my nerves. Nevertheless, I'm sure we're in for a smooth journey and us Mosley siblings shall be together once more.

Send Bertie and Nell my wishes,

Lucille

[aheathen-conceivably]

Ok so I read the post on your thoughts on Gio and the American Dream and I hate to say it … as an immigrant, I understand him.

I also come from a culture where women tend to their male partner's needs and I don't believe he wants to turn Jo into a subservient wife. He fell in love with a lively, free, and wild Jo and loves that aspect of her.

At the end of the day she loves him too so why would she leave? I understand she doesn't like to be dependent of him but where else would she go? There are no parties or glamour, which was her whole thing, anymore. At least the farm offers stability in the economic crisis.

Point is, I understand Gio as an immigrant, but don't understand Jo as a woman.

BABES! We’ve got another one…

(As in me being touched and having no other means to say how much I love y’all takes other than to give them a standing ovation in GIF form).

But you know…there’s a whole lot to break down here, friend, especially about Jo. I think you know what that means! Under the cut we go….

First and foremost, I very much appreciate you saying you understand that aspect of Gio. I did in part write him as a commentary on the immigrant experience in America (filtered through his own personality/character of course), and so to know that is relatable means a lot to me. I don’t think it’s a spoiler to tell y’all his journey is far from over, and you can already see the cracks in his outlook beginning to form. Whenever Jo is depressed he says this quite vividly:

Because you are very, very correct. This isn’t about molding Jo into some subservient housewife, or even eroding those exact qualities that he loves in her. This is about Gio attempting to square what he’s been taught/believes will bring his life happiness and meaning with his own experience and emotions. It’s about the myth of the American dream and the perfect housewife and the very real struggle of those things existing as actual, lived realities.

Because at the root of it, Gio is amalgamating an understanding of his own family unit and what he knows he doesn’t want in this country. He has seen another methods of “making it” in America, and so he thinks if only he can make the “right” choices, he can avoid that, and become the respected and happy man that he wants to be.

Now onto Jo, boy oh boy, Jo….

I think one of the core misunderstandings here is that Jo wants stability. This is kind of the crux built into her desire for control and her never-ending failure to achieve it. She wants to control her surroundings, to make sure nothing and no one can hurt her, but she also wants to feel in a way that is hard to find in a stable, heavily domesticated life. On the flip side, despite whatever imaginary dream Gio has, he’s the same way. They both want a life filled with excitement and new experiences, new people and rushes of emotions. This is one of the ways they differ heavily from Antoine and Zelda.

Now on one level, this is simply the way Josephine is. She’s high energy, fun loving, and insatiable. But on a deeper level, this is tied into her experiences not only as a woman, but as a daughter. She has a brief moment of clarity in that last post where she realizes:

Now I have chosen not to go too in-depth on Josephine’s trauma, but you can see her lay out the course of events here and also her deep hesitation to any of it here. Josephine is still only a teenager in that second post. Her mother not only told her things like that (“this is the weight that prejudice and expectation have placed upon us”) but also “what do you want to be then? Some glorified maid to a man?” (Which, frankly, I can write another Ted Talk about the juxtaposition here, but I think ya'll can pull some threads).

So when you see Josephine’s struggle with control, this is heavily rooted in bodily autonomy. Now all things considered, Josephine has managed to make great strides toward reclaiming this and reasserting not only her sexuality, but also her sense of self in her body. Gio knows this. We see him recognize and respect it quite clearly in that last post. He’s been part of that process for her, and that only adds another element of love, trust, and safety between them.

But on a fundamental level, neither Gio nor Josephine has made the connection between that trauma, her own personality, and why she hates her life now so much:

Here’s the issue right now: Josephine doesn’t feel like she’s living her own life. We have seen how she would like to live in the 20s not just in the parties and glamour, but when she was managing bands. She wants to be fulfilled professionally, through helping people/places she believes in and bettering her own life by bettering theirs. That’s how she gets her joy, and that’s what she would chose to do if given the chance.

And right now, she does not feel like she gets to chose. You’re correct in that part of that is coming from the current economic situation. Again, she sees that herself here. She knows what demons are waiting outside her window, and how easily poverty can make them rearise. That only makes it worse. It doesn’t make the smell of bread (domestic security) any better or more comforting. It makes it bitter, because she didn’t chose it. She was backed into a corner by circumstance (and, as she can sense, by the choices men made for her without telling her), and now she feels like she can’t say no. That’s her ultimate trigger.

Now whether or not that loss of control is simply perceived, or should be offset by how “lucky” she is to be in a stable position in such precarious economic times, we might all have different options on. Even more, I’m sure each of us would answer differently for ourselves in that situation. I know I would. But for Josephine? Not only is this a life she will never find joy in, because even without her trauma, she is an ambitious, restless, and outgoing person with different goals for herself; but that added memory and pain makes her reaction to it all the more volatile.

Perhaps most importantly, Jo feels as though her life is being controlled again, whether by Gio, the reality of the world outside her window, or by her own guilt/love that makes her feel beholden to the people around her (just like it did to her mother). Because you’re right, she does love him. She wouldn’t leave because she doesn’t. If she leaves now, it would leave because she panicked, because she feels like she’s lost all the autonomy she worked so hard to regain and she’ll never feel the fulfillment she felt when she was successfully independent ever again. That’s the element I hope we can understand, even if it’s not what we would do.

[aheathen-conceivably]

Well my Darlings, that’s a wrap on Act I of the 1930s. I know it was an awful lot of character exposition, sadness, and setup, so if you’re still with me I see you and I love you ❤️

We’ll be resuming in the first weeks of 1934 (which is when what Amendment was repealed, I wonder?). But first, I’m going to take a break to work on some behind the scenes story stuff (hello editing my old friend) as well as enjoy life for a little bit.

Until then (and after a full day’s barrage of foreboding asks) what are our predictions for the drama these pixels have in store for us in the next arc? 👀

[aheathen-conceivably]

It was Giorgio’s final night in New Orleans. Moonlight was streaming into the bedroom, mingling with the candlelight that illuminated the packed suitcases that both of them were trying to ignore. Neither he nor Josephine had fully accepted his departure, and so they lay together, cognizant of their imminent separation and unwilling to sleep.

Giorgio was absentmindedly tracing his hand down Jo’s back when his words finally broke the tension in the air, “Jo, you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

She looked up toward him and sighed heavily, “Gio, I told you. I’m not leaving my family.”

“Josephine, you know you are my family. I’ll marry you today, I’ll marry you tomorrow, I’ll marry you any time you decide…”

It was the same question that had spurred so many of their fights; but still he continued to ask, hoping that her answer would change every time he did. Yet each time it remained steadfastly the same: no; I will not sign my life away to you or anyone else.

But she was painfully aware of the dimming moonlight, signaling that dawn was near and they had only a few hours left together; so Josephine stifled another frustrated sigh and instead brought her head close to his chest, “Can we not do this again? I don’t want to spend our last moments together fighting, please.”

He cupped her face in his hand and acquiesced to the request, all too aware that it was probably her last, “Oh, mi raccomando, I promise you, we don’t ever have to fight again.”

(Extended post here on my sideblog @darlingtons-after-dark *Content Warning: NSFW*).

[aheathen-conceivably]

IF Jo runs off, I don't think it will be for long. Is she having a crisis, absolutely, but the world has changed immensely in the time she's been on the farm. She's not going to be able to make it on her smiles and sharp wit. Her struggle with perceived loss of control isn't going to improve by running away from "the trap". She is the the trap, it will follow her to the ends of the earth, much like her shadow.

That is all. Incredible. Stupendous read of her, beautiful analogy, marvelous writing. I am so happy and so touched.

Because like, yes. Exactly. Until Jo allows herself healing and vulnerability, she will always feel trapped. If not by others, then by her own emotions. The trickiest part of control is that it’s not just controlling everyone around you, is it? It’s about controlling them AND you. Even if everyone else falls in line, you still have to deal with yourself at the end of the day, and especially for Jo, she clearly does want things outside of her control (*cough cough* Gio).

Then on top of all of that, Josephine is deeply concerned with controlling her surroundings. She will not and can not feel safe without a “safety net.” And you’re right in that that is a rarity in the world she’s living in now. She absolutely knows that. We saw her realize it in this post. She knows the world she would be running into is precarious at best, and the safety of a home and family that she would be abandoning. To run away from that with no plan, no money, and no support would be dangerous and reckless.

Josephine isn’t stupid, and she certainly isn’t rash. This isn’t to say she can’t be, especially when backed into a corner, but it isn’t her nature. She’s cunning, calculated, and measured. Just like her mother. It’s only a matter of figuring out how to use that in her favor in a way that fits with the other parts of her nature, which are governed by a sense of perceived morality and loyalty for her family; OR if she can’t, and she’s backed too far into a corner first, then the rash side of her wins out despite everything she knows about the world and what running into it would mean.

[aheathen-conceivably]

If Jo won't take him I will 👀

Oh! Wait a minute…I got Gio on the line. What’s that? ….oop, yeah. He said he’s not interested and will follow Jo to the ends of the Earth. Alright then, buddy. Your choice and your funeral 🫡🤣

[aheathen-conceivably]

HERE'S HOW JOCITA CAN STILL WIN -prev lesbian anon

Wait wait PLA….I need deets! How? How?! Especially since we don’t even know where or what universe she’s in 😮‍💨

[aheathen-conceivably]

Hello, how do you feel about hitting my feels like a train once again?

How dare you. (Pls do it again I love your writing so much, it's amazing <3)

AHAHAHA! This is such a high compliment, bless you. “I hate it. Do it again.” 🤣

It’s like a roller coaster that looks like it’s gunna be an absolute blast but also, oh shit, what if I absolutely hate it and wish I had never gotten aboard? Or, oh god, what if it derails off the tracks and takes me and everybody else out with it? But also like damn you still gotta get on just to find out and take the ride, you know? Suffice to say I’m just happy you’re on the roller coaster with me, babe.

Also we need t-shirt’s, y’all want t-shirts? 🤣

[aheathen-conceivably]

you know, it's kind of painful to see Jo's internal struggle. But what about Gio? Does he feel this her tension or is he really happy with the way things are?

Hello again my dearest and thank you for your question! You know I haven’t forgotten about my favorite sad boy, and I’m glad to see you haven’t either. Time to grab a chair and get ready for today’s Ted Talk with a Heathen…

Actually we gunna go under the cut cause yall I rambled to oblivion and beyond, who woulda guessed? 🤣

As it stands, Gio is very happy with the way things are. Except he’s only able to do this by more or less ignoring Jo’s feelings (because despite her best attempts to hide it, it’s still palpable to anyone who loves her), or writing it off as something else (which we see him do in the most recent post).

You see, Gio knows he’s at least partially responsible for Jo’s unhappiness. He knows he lied to her and more or less manipulated her to get what he wanted even if he’s able to tell himself part of it was for everyone’s safety/happiness. It’s something that he struggled with during the early part of the decade, but now that she’s seemingly adjusted and very purposefully trying to hide her true feelings, Gio has accepted his actions and embraced their new lives.

Because at least at this point in his life, Gio wants what he conceives to be the American Dream. He thinks it’s the key to happiness and success, and as we’ll see, is very deeply rooted in his own internal struggles and past. Part of this is embodied in his journey out West, the classic American idea that he can own land and “make it” simply through hard work and will. With over a year left on his loan maturation, Gio is happy with his position on his farm. Thanks to Zelda (which he’s very aware of and thankful to her), at least that aspect of his American dream has come true.

Now of course the secondary part of the “classic” American dream is that Gio wants a family. As discussed here, Gio is fine with not having children. Mostly for that reason, their current living situation works very well for him. Gio is gregarious and social, fond of having friends always nearby. He’s living with his best friends and niece, all of whom he loves spending time with and satiates the need to be surrounded by family (since he may have issues with his own 👀).

But beyond that, Gio wants a wife. He wants what he’s been told is the core and central unit to living a fulfilling life and making all his dreams come true. He is also still naive enough to think that it will solve many of he and Jo’s problems, because he’s absolutely convinced that life can be improved by the virtue of certain choices alone. And as Jo astutely realizes in the last post:

Gio has seemingly gotten what he’s always wanted: his own land, a family, and the wife that eluded him so many times before. He’s buried his guilt from what he did to get it, and his life is more or less stable. He thinks he has little to worry about, other than maybe the loan in a year or two, continuing to provide for his found family, and emotionally supporting Josephine so long as it doesn’t pop the bubble that he’s finally gotten what he wanted.

His American dream has seemingly come true. Only he’s sacrificed the women he loves to get it, and he hasn’t realized it yet.

[aheathen-conceivably]

I’m SCARED bro is Jo gonna kill gio wtf!!! No but she’s gonna run off with that woman on the family tree tho huh

It’s just a bread knife, it’s just a bread knife, it’s just a bread knife…..

ANYWAY….

I can confirm that’s her ex-girlfriend and we won’t ever be seeing her again. If she DID run off though, I’m just asking, what in the hell does that mean for everybody else? 👀👀👀

[aheathen-conceivably]

Unless she commits mass murder then I'm sticking to my statement. I believe in women's wrongs 🥰 - LGL

Ah! Okay okay so one murder, chill? Mass murder, not chill?

[aheathen-conceivably]

I'm so ready for Jo's breakdown arc. Whatever it is you do I'm on your side <3 that's my girlboss <3 - LGL

Whatever she does, LGL?? Whatever?!? Imma just, imma…