aky-chaosgremlin

[aky-chaosgremlin]

I originally wrote this as a twitter thread, and I wanted to back it up here so I can rewrite it soon! hehe

Lan zhan (10) watches his Huan-ge (16) playing Sims 4. His two characters, Xichen and Mingjue, are in love! They kiss wiggle around in bed a little. The day Xichen is pregnant! That is how lz learns that kisses make babies.The next day at school wei ying kisses his cheek. 

Lz goes home bawling.

lz: im sorry uncle, a-zhan has shamed our family name 😭 you have raised a *whore*

lz, packing his bags, recalling uncle telling ge-ge off for sleeping around: uncle will throw me out, i KNOW it. 

lz will make wy take responsibility and raise the baby 😤 

Uncle: a-zhan you are not pregnant

lz: UNCLE IS REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY BABY 

Lwj decides that he’s going to run away. He grabs his bag with all the essentials— tuzi, an extra pair of shorts, a water bottle and a granola bar— and runs down the street to wei yings house, still sniffling. 

Cangse ayi takes one look at him and sends him to play in the yard 

Lz drops his bag and runs outside, careful not to trip bc falling would hurt the baby. 

wy has somehow climbed on top of the playhouse and is roaring and banging on the roof. "all you puny humans will die! mwahahahaha!”

lz can’t believe wy is the dad, this baby will be a mess! 

wy sees lz standing at the base of the play structure and nearly topples over in his excitement.

wy: lz! come up here and help me destroy the humans!

lz: i cannot wy. the days of childhood are behind me now. 

wy: 😲 what?! lan zhaan nooo

lz: wy please come down. we must talk. 

wy scrambles down and they settle on the swingset for their talk.

lz: wei yang. i am pregnant

wy: 😲

lz: and you are the father

wy: *gasp* LAN ZHAN! 

lz really hopes wy won’t hate him now. His worries are eased when wy shouts, “dont worry lan zhan! am here!” 

lz is so relieved! He starts tearing up again.

lz: wei ying, I ran away from home. Uncle does not bless our union. he has shunned our baby!

wy, bless him, looks just as offended.

wy: your uncle is a meanie! It’s a good thing you ran away lz. I have a house for us right here! 

wy proposes to lz right then and there with a keyring he found in the sand, and promises they’d get married the very next day. 

“we need witnesses for a wedding lz. and if your uncle won’t help us then a-sang and a-cheng will help us at school! Our wedding will be the bestest!” 

wy works very hard to make his pregnant wife comfortable in their little house. He sneaks into his meimei’s room and steals her cooking utensils, and drags a beanbag from his own room to make lz a bed.

while wy works lz tells baby about its baba: "he’s a silly, but wy is good” 

a while later, cangse ayi comes out to offer them snacks. She calls up the boys in the play structure and all she can see is two heads popping out the window.

wy: hi mama! Welcome to our house! Lz is my wife and we’re having a baby! 

lz is very worried about what cangse ayi would say. Would wy’s family deny their baby too?

cssr: how lovely! you must be new to the neighbourhood. How nice to have such a young family next door. I brought you a welcome present.

she ruffles wy’s hair and tells them to have fun. 

lz is so relieved and so sad! how come his family won’t accept him 😭 uncle is so mean! perhaps a-huan would be more supportive. he will have to speak with him later.

later happens much sooner than expected when Uncle sends huan-ge to bring a-zhan back home… 

lh: a-zhan uncle said you ran away? what happened?

lz: gege, a-zhan is pregnant with wei sings baby and uncle won’t accept us 😭

lh: ...

lh: … 

lh: 😈

lh: oh my a-zhan how could this be?! what will you do now?! having a baby is so easy feat! 

lh: did you know you can never eat ice cream every again

lz: *sobbing*

lh: how did this even happy a-zhan?

lz: wei yimg kissed me

lh: oh no a kiss you say? its definitely twins. you’d better stat here a-zhan, uncle would never let this slide. 

lan huan going home that day: a-zhan refuses to come home! He looks like he’s run away for real… You must have hurt him deeply uncle what did you do?!

uncle:… w h a t? what did i do?!?! this boy 🙄 

Wy manages to calm lz down. “you can have all the ice cream after the baby is born lan zhan!” 

ice cream is lz's favouritest. How will he live without ice cream 😭

lz is calmer but still sniffling when jiang cheng climbs over the shared fence between his and wy’s yard to play 

jc, scoffing: why are you crying that’s so lame. You’re such a baby a-zhan

lz: *cries harder at mention of baby*

wy: HEY DONT BE MEAN TO MY WIFE DONT YOU KNOW HES PREGNANT AND HORMONAL

jc, whacking wy: you’re so stupid he’s not pregnant

wy: he is! he said so and lz never lies 

wy and jc proceed to tussle, getting covered in sand.

lz watching wy defend him: 🥺 maybe he will be a wonderful spouse after all!

yanli- jie eventually shows up and wrenches jc off of wy. Lz likes her very much for saving his husband. She’s much nicer than her dumb brother. 

when yanli hears of lan zhan’s predicament she fights down a smile and replies very seriously. “oh my a-zhan you’ve been through an ordeal indeed. Don’t worry, jiejie will support you. a-ying you must invite me to the baby shower okay?”

She leaves promising to bring presents… 

jyl secretly texting lh: your didi is so cute 🥰 and so very good at playing his role

lh, snickering to himself: indeed he is… will you help me set up a wedding for them? perhaps tonight?

jyl, delighted: of course! I will prepare the dolls! 

about an hour later, yanli and a-huan come back to wy’s yard.

wy has left his bride resting at home— he’s can’t exert himself, its bad for the baby!— and gone “out” with jc to “work” plucking dandelions

lz swooning on the beanbag like a maiden, waiting for wy’s return 

jyl: boys! come quick come quick its time to get married!

wy: but jiejie we’re getting married tomorrow!

lh: no time for that you must get married *now*

lz: gene but why?

lh: dont you know its illegal to have a baby without being married a-zhan? 

lz: 😰

lh: you must get married quickly or the cops will come take your babies away!

lz, panicking: my and wy’s babies 😖😭🥺

lz: but what about witnesses and uncle 

jyl: dont worry a-zhan! your uncle agreed to be there! So will all of our parents

lz: uncle approves? 

lan huan convinces him that of course, after cangse ayi explained convinced him, how could he not!

lh and jyl shepherd him into the jiang’s garden where a wedding is set up. The adults look eager and excited, and dolls making up the rest of the crowd. 

wy waits by the altar. 

Jyl hands him a little bouquet, and fixes a makeshift veil on his head and sends him marching down the aisle. jc plays a song on his guitar which people guess is an attempt at the wedding march��� its much too out of tune to say for sure 

Lz is very nervous. He’s very lucky that he gets to marry his best friend at least. Imagine if it had to be that bully wx. yuck.

he looks to his uncle to confirm that he accepts and feels a weight lifted off of his shoulder when he nods. Phew. Uncle still loves him. 

The wedding begins. Jyl is their officiant and as she monologues about joining their souls together. Lh sits in the front row with his uncle and records everything.

They make their vows. Wy will make sure lz always has ice cream. Lz will never keep wy from climbing things. 

They exchange ring pops. 

And then jyl finally declares that it’s time for wy to kiss his bride.

The wedding that went off without a hitch so far starts to go completely wrong.

Wy leans in to kiss his fiancé, but lz pushes him away hard sending wy toppling to the ground. 

Their audience falls suddenly silent.

wy on the ground looks started, and peers up and lz in shock.

lz: will not kiss wei yimg. 

wy bursts into tears. 

wy: lan zhan wont kiss me! he doesnt love me!!

Wy is distraught. His tears devolve into big heaving gasps. 

Seeing wy cry makes lz starts crying again too.

He starts wailing: Nooooo a-zhan loves wei ying 😭😭

wy: then why won’t zhanzhan kiss me 😭 😭😭

lz: a-zhan doesn’t want to get pregnant again 😭 what if a-ying kisses me and the babies also get pregnant 😭😭😭😭 

The adults who were stunned into silence at the sudden breakdown finally spring into action. Well, most of them. 

Cangse ayi bursts into howling laughter. Wcz picks up wy and comforts him: “sometimes people just dont like being kissed a-ying. it doesn’t mean they dont love you” 

Lqr kneels with lz, completely mortified at the outbursts. Where on earth had he gotten such an idea in his head?!

He listens to lz’s rambles about how kisses would make him pregnant and huan-ge said that the FBI would arrest his babies. He’s sorry he’s a hussy and shamed shushu

Lqr was so going to punish lh when they get home. (Said culprit is quickly sobering up from his laughter when he catches lqr glaring at him)

lqr pulls lz into his lap and consoles him. He explains to lz that that’s not pregnancy works, turning red as he gives The Talk in public. 

meanwhile…

cssr: you little gremlin we talked about not kissing other people randomly what made you go and do that!?

wy, indignant: but mama! it wasn’t random! you said that we should show people that we love them with both words and actions and that’s why you kiss me! 

they get both boys calm eventually.

wy: im sorry for kissing you when you thought it would get you pregnant lz 🥺

lz: mn. I’m sorry for rejecting wy’s kiss. 🥺 I really love wy 🥺

wy: 😁 I LOVE U TOO LZ!

lz surprises wy by smacking a big kith on wy’s cheeks.

wy: eep 😳 

From then on the boys decide to kith each other on a daily basis. Their relationship evolves over the years from platonic baby kisses, to shy first kisses, to filthy making out. Without the looming threat of pregnancy scares they become extremely annoying with their PDA.

==FIN== 

If you made it this far: Thank you so much for followed along and supporting me along the way 🥺. This is the first thread that I’ve ever posted to completion. I didn’t expect it’d so much attention as it did; I am so grateful! Shout out @cwnsthicktighs for creating this with me 

Some extra scenes: In the original brainwork, the “wedding” happens the next day. Two things were meant to happen here: 1) lh goes homee after riling lz up, lqr tries to pick lz up himself. lqr: a-zhan, come home lz: no. wy is my family now wy, clueless: lz is family? YAY :D 

2. the next day at school wx tries to pick on lx bc he’s got a huge crush on him. lwj doesn’t like it one bit. wy, still protecting his pregnant wife, flies in to the rescue: "STAY AWAY FROM MY PREGNANT WIFE YOU HOMEWRECKER"

why does he know what a home wrecker is? 

Well, wcz is obsessed with soaps. Most days jfm also sneaks over to watch it with him, but he lives in fear of yzy finding out every day.

cssr writes down all of wcz’s favourite scenes so they can role-play them when wy is asleep 😉 

No one lets lz live this day down ever. They bring it up at every chance: “get pregnant lately lz?”

Years in the future, when wx get married, everyone brings The Pregnancy Incident during the toasts. Lz turns a brilliant red while wy falls out of his chair laughing.