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[aleasy]

[aleasy]

I feel like summer is coming and i like it. I had a discussion yesterdays ith a friend who said she always prefers the second half of the year. I protested that i liked the first half although on reflection i don’t know if i do. This might seem like an unimportant argument but i think it’s highlighted some things for me that are important personal things to think about.

I said that the first half of the year always rushed past and it is summer before you know it and then that’s gone too but that it is the build up to summer that makes this whizzing past of your life worth it. It’s like a negative thing in return for the short burst of pleasure and happiness that summer brings with warm days, laying in the park seemingly like a good use of your time and an open ended possibility for things to be good.

I thought that the darkness, worsening weather, loss of summer and the inevitable back to school dredge made this half of the year (all be it the half containing my birthday) to be the worst.

BUT NO. A lot of this centres around the idea that i’m still at university and one day i need to realise that i’m not. It’s just not happening. No more free summers, no more elated finishing of exams. NOPE. NOT HAPPENING. DONE.

Also, there hasn’t been a problem with going back to school since i was in about year 11 as i actually really liked school…

Further to this, the idea that my life is rushing by is also a horrible one and i’m starting to realise that when i feel like i want to live for short-term happiness it probably means i’m not in a very good place.

Enough of this now. I just had some thoughts when i saw this nice picture.

Trying to move out of adolescence and into adulthood has a lot of challenges. (Someone should write a bloody blog about it.)

[aleasy]

(Un)finished Thought for the Day.

Firstly, i was talking to another teacher today about Radio 4's Thought for the Day and how much i enjoyed. And so i urge anyone who can be bothered to be up that early and who is ready to take the crashing hit to coolness that listening to Radio 4 is and listen to it. It makes you think and that's nice. Although i do wish they would have more non-religious people on it, philosphers or something… if they still exist? Is that a legitimate profession anymore?

Anyway, i found out that the lady leading a workshop at school today was from very near me and knew loads of people very well, that i also know- parents friends, work colleagues etc etc. She asked me to pass on her hellos and what she was up to, which i said i would. She then said 'you'd better not forget!' to which i replied 'it's on my to-do list now so it is definitely going to happen.' This is fairly factual statement. My work to-do lists go down very well. My personal ones go down well if i want to do the jobs on them. And then there seems to be this other list that certain things seem to slip on to. These are things i know i need to do but i don't really need to do (or i think i can get away without doing them). One thing that has been on there for ages is sending Anna the bloody Chinese Man Groove Sessions Vol. 1 album which i always put off for some reason. Slightly more pressing ones are re-arranging my hospital appointment for my MRI, which i have been putting off for almost two weeks now. I will definitely cancel it before the date, it's just hard to make a new one. This is partly due to the weird system the hospital has where the woman who makes appointments works part time and she is the only woman in the whole hospital that can make cardiac MRI appointments. But it is also because ignorance is bliss and i don't really want to know.

I wonder when i'll do all the things on that 3rd to-do list? Obviously the hospital appointment has to happen at some point, but what about the other things? Currently it looks like this:

sort out/tidy up iTunes 

send Anna CD

wash make up brushes

wash sleeping bag

mop corridor and landing

bring arm chair upstairs

buy new fairy lights

i can't even go on…. it's too boring...

But i did mop the flat and so i've gotten one thing off that list.

Who wants to spend a day renaming songs on their iTunes?

[aleasy]

Unfinished Though #2 aka I Blame January for Everything

I have literally just been told as i was starting to write this:

'I've answered your questions and you've asked me them again ahhaa

just trust us' 

Which is oddly poignant for my mood whilst penning (typing) this series of inaugural posts. It was actually about a funding application i was writing and not about anything deeper than that but i think it's indicative of my weird insecure attitude of late.

I was having a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago about relationships. He remarked that his partner isn't very forthcoming with statements of affection but that he needs to be told in so many words how that person feels, from time to time. I completely agreed with him because i too am that sort of person. Now i know this often gets you labelled as clingy/keen but i just hate playing stupid mind games and trying to guess what the other person is thinking. Just say it. You don't have to say it constantly, you don't have to gush, just be open with what you're thinking. 

And then, i read one of those articles that people share about on FaceBook, thinking 'yeh yeh skim this and it'll pass five more minutes of this monotonous day', but i was very surprised. One of the bits that struck me was: 

'But I see now that the story isn’t about us; it’s about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known.'

The idea of bothering to know someone stuck out to me because i think there are a lot of people who can't be bothered to get to know the other person. One person can't do the bothering for two people, as says the point that the writer makes towards the end of the piece, that 'love is an action' and 'Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be.' I suppose making that choice, 'bothering', is what i mean when i talk about saying what you feel. Making the choice to move things forward and to let that person in is bothering. Making them stay away, play it safe and wait is not bothering.

'Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be.'

Anyway, i promise (hope) this all links back at some point.

Following from what i said about resolutions, some people (me) have a need to know that that things are good and going right. Just as i dislike trying to keep resolutions that i can't get succeed in or get gratification from because they're not achievable targets I need to have confirmation that my relationships are going well. Like i said, not constantly, not in an over the top manner but in so much as it is said in so many words. But then, like that application, if i'm told one thing would I believe it or would i ask again? My Dad always says that you shouldn't ask the I Ching the same question more than once because you won't get a true answer from it. 

I'm struggling to finish this again. This unfinished thought thing is going to have to be some kind of theme to make this read ok.

[aleasy]

Today one of my students asked me if I had any New Years Resolutions (an unfinished thought).

As the title of this post may suggest- one of my students asked me about my resolutions today and it got me thinking. To preface this, i've been thinking about restarting my Tumblr for a while but i just haven't been sure what to say. That is one of my pet hates about blogging is that everyone feels entitled and obliged to express themselves and to be found interesting just because they wrote a blog post. My cat could write a fucking blog post if i put it on the keyboard- tell me something! I don't give a shit what it is just stop reblogging 'cool' pictures of nude ladies on lomo cameras and posting about your thinspo. Anyway, that tangent aside this made me decide to stop gaffing around and do it.

Firstly, my reply was 'oh yes, it's to recycle more' at which she laughed and looked at me with a '…seriously?' type of look. I assured her i was being serious and said i thought recycling was very important… at which point she giggled again and rolled her eyes. So now that we've established that i'm really uncool to 17 year olds, i really like this resolution.

However, I then went on to tell her that resolutions like that are stupid because they are unquantifiable- how can i know when i'm recycling more? I should say recycle all my waste paper at work because as soon as i don't recycle some of it i know i'm doing badly and vice versa. I then, as the wise adult i am, advised her not to have ones like 'be healthier', 'lose weight' etc which, of course her and her friend then told me they had.

I don't really know how to end this now. It's the first post though so i'm going to use that as an excuse that it is fine just to leave this. I'll come back to it when i decide what powerful, moving lesson i'm imparting (forcing) on the internet like all those people i was complaining about atop this post.

[aleasy]

The aftermath of the balloon drop as the train pulls into the station at it's destination. We invited the audience to play in the balloon drop with us. We invited everyone on the train to play together and interact instead of sitting silently and still as the train hurtles along its track.

[aleasy]

[aleasy]

A lovely illustration by James Turzynski for our performance.

[aleasy]

Rehearsals, Rehearsals, Rehearsals (Updates, Updates, Updates)

We are at the end of week two of rehearsals and things have been going well. Although the end is worryingly close we have a ground plan and some text and some sections of movement. it is extremely exciting to see our project start to come together and I think that will just keep on going in the coming two weeks.

Our cast are amazing. Myself and Anna set them off on something, give them a task or an idea and their responses blow us away every time. What has been particularly nice to see is our younger cast members doing so well when still at an early stage in their training and their careers.

It is difficult to state the impact winning the Berkofsky Award has made. This project would not have been possible without the grant. i wouldn't be working with Anna Turzynski - whose creative vision and directorial skill are initiating and shaping this work into something I am proud to be involved in. i would also be without our fantastic design team whose ambition is invaluable. Lastly, I would be without our cast who are making and creating beautiful work relentlessly and with whom there is never a dull moment.

Now to end my emotional rant - here is an update. Today we are going to view our seats! We are potentially pulling them out of an old bus and re-creating a train/bus in the space! Crazy plans are go!

[aleasy]

This blogging thing

I need to get on this again. I deleted my old blog because of a job interview and with it quite a lot of memories and nostalgia. That is what it is  and isn't really anything major. I'm just being an idiot. But yes - i'll be blogging for my theatre company The52 mostly but will try to pop on here as much as possible.