alexithymiaaaaa

[alexithymiaaaaa]

🤐

[alexithymiaaaaa]

IT'S OKAY TO FEEL UNSTABLE. IT'S OKAY TO DISASSOCIATE. IT'S OKAY TO HIDE FROM THE WORLD. IT'S OKAY TO NEED HELP. IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.

[alexithymiaaaaa]

[alexithymiaaaaa]

[alexithymiaaaaa]

Holy shit

me thinking about shakespeare normally: mercutio was gay

me thinking about shakespeare at 3 am: romeo and juliet is underrated as a story. why? because everyone treats it as a love story when they should be treating it as a commentary on how children are too afraid to come to their parents with a problem or even voice their opinions on things without fear of facing repercussions. juliet didn’t want to marry paris, some old guy she didn’t know. so OF COURSE she was going to choose romeo, some hot young thing that talked nice and looked nicer and probably made her feel special. she had had at least a conversation with the guy. but no. she can’t tell her father that she doesn’t want to marry and would rather try to get to know that nice montague boy that was chatting her up while crashing her party. but of course she can’t. both of because societal expectations and because of the whole blood feud. and then there’s romeo. we all call him an emo fuck but the fact remains that it is highly hinted that he had depression and while finding someone “to love” doesn’t automatically fix that in a person, him “loving” juliet definitely did seem to improve his mood while his parents just brushed him off. and in the end of the story, they’d both rather kill themselves then tell their parents that they’re going to be disappointing them by telling them who they “love” and that’s just fucked up. these were teenagers. and while this may have not been old billy shakes’ original message, it stands that this interpretation could benefit being taught to a lot of students and even some parents. 

[alexithymiaaaaa]

ありふれた日々こそ

the very ordinary days

2020.09

[alexithymiaaaaa]

like a moth or a dove?

I give hope to others like boxes of chocolate

Like on valentines Day in second grade

Like the birthday card I made awhile ago

I cut up my favorite purple dress,

Filled a teacup with my tears

Plucked a leaf from a plant I grew myself

And brought a teaspoon of

Red orange and yellow flames

Threw them all on a piece of paper

And lined it with my eye lashes

That I saved for wishing

And gave it to her as a gift,

And I did it over and over and over again  

For every birthday, anniversary and funeral

[I’ll give you all my hope, please just ask]

I still have a lot of hope left, I need to give more

I inked a dove tattoo on my thigh for whom I love

for every one who has given me hope and yet

I feel my doves dying

But their birds soar like

A ballad made like honey and candlelight

The hot honey and wax did not sting but

stuck and candied my thighs with blemishes

Did you know that when tattoos die completely

They turn into gaping black holes

With no twinkle of hope

mine never died completely like other stories

They are stuck at the brink of death

On a ship with half an anchor

[Why am I so hopeless? Why do I know it all?]

I hated it so much before, I assumed that

It hung on because death is the most painful but

don’t they know?

That surviving

Cancel that

Being at the brink before the fall hurts more

Than autumn ever will?

It’s like the question I asked my old self

While writing the loneliest poem for a friend

who I try to make anything but lonely

“Would it hurt more to leave your love

On the first night or the last?”

She told me to stop looking for the indescribable

Because it loses meaning with a definition

[I need to hope, and what’s a search with

An unanswerable question?]

Said friend told me about a boy and

His love for moths and I wondered if he also

Would run to the lights like his friends or

Would he let fireflies feed on his heart

render himself heartless for

The feeling of receiving hope,

Knowing that he is worth keeping around

I once drank stars but now I prefer water

Oil and water don’t mix but we wash with soap

I love bubbles but I hate the mess

Maybe I don’t want to know the meaning behind

every mystery, a careless uncalculated story

I don’t need a lot of hope to live as unlike cars

I can use a little bit of fuel and drive to Jupiter

[All knowing and no hoping isn’t everything,

The boy and his moths certainly agree]

All I do is sacrifice and wonder, today it ends

I’ll chase Jupiter but not for its hope

I’ll chase with no definition; I’ll hopelessly hope

The pattern of this poem is left incomplete

I’ll take a pinch of hope and I’ll travel galaxies

Living without definition; it’s indescribable enough

to not need a meaning, and best of all

I’ll hopelessly hope with the little I have left

Look at the stars and find no constellation

Cut my thigh open and let the doves free

Hopelessly hope because, mark my word dear

There is no tomorrow in such a world

We survive, learn without learning and

Hopelessly hope with the world unsolved

[Let’s take a road trip to Jupiter tonight,

Would you like to soar like a moth or a dove?]

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.

.

aureatemoonshine

[alexithymiaaaaa]

Soooooooo

I painted my wall...

U could say that quarantine made me a bit bored 😛🍣

[alexithymiaaaaa]

I want one s'il vous plaît 🖤

Sirius: why I would fuck a demon? simple: the status. Imagine you and your friends arriving at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon. Legendary

Remus: it’s 3am!?

James: no, no. he’s got a point

[alexithymiaaaaa]

Sorry for not posting for soooooo long

I missed sketching 😭😭

[alexithymiaaaaa]

🎃 Dramione Autumn 🎃 Hello to fall and happy birthday Tom Felton

[alexithymiaaaaa]

n0icE

Harry, to dormmates: I’m going to play you guys a song, it’s called “my life so far”

Harry: *deep breath, bangs the cymbal*

Harry: [high pitched] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[alexithymiaaaaa]

If people are colored white, black, brown, yellow, and red, then people need to be thinking less about how different we are, and more about how we were clearly meant to be the next team of Power Rangers! (source)

[alexithymiaaaaa]

Pixel Art by Julian Gariba

[alexithymiaaaaa]

アドビ様のパートナークリエイターとしてFrescoで作品を制作しました。

[alexithymiaaaaa]

Cyber Hong Kong

[alexithymiaaaaa]

※Haunted※

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.

I hear bottles cracking and muffled cries

A man is angry and I don’t know why

.

The flames of September bite like the harsh rain

On my scarred skin;

Roses grow through my dry hands

The fire aches more but the thorns leave scars

.

my bedroom feels like a prison I fell in love with, stockholm syndrome, if you will

I find myself willing to get hurt because

My feelings left the shackles I am trapped in

A long long time ago

.

I feel as if my lungs are slowly drinking

the grayness of the monsoon sky. I want to,

crawl back into my newspaper coffin. I hoped,

that someone does mourn my loss; no one did

My heart grew a layer of dust and with that grime

I lost another piece of myself; I’m numb to it all

.

I am shutting myself in, My lover is sick of me too

And my bed is tired of holding my hunched back

I’m only ever really tired,

I haven’t genuinely laughed in a long time

The chains loosen a little only to tighten again

.

My hands hold no signs of a kindling

But I do feel flowers growing around my thighs

I like to believe that; I want to believe that,

Lingering pain doesn’t hurt as much as scars

.

The ghost still lingers in my house, I can hear him

Somehow, I can smell the vodka shots of regret

He can’t lull himself to sleep, so he croaks pitifully

.

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{//I will pray over my wilting thighs and the dark soil under my fingernails// over the ashes of my old rusty heart//for a moment of heartfelt heartache//I want to feel for the ghost more than myself//Is the voice I hear an epiphany or a hallucination?//}

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-aureatemoonshine