aliens-think-we-are-weird

[aliens-think-we-are-weird]

Xander nodded as they walked onto the planet. No obvious dominant species. But that meant all intel on the Fauna and Flora needed to be discovered.

Still the planet was peaceful. Xe rolled their shoulders as the rest of the crew filed out of the ship. Their human Olivia followed blonde hair tucked high in what she called a ‘bun’. She was already taking pictures and babbling happily to S’kit about the flora. Despite the fact the plant looked to have teeth. Humans were so weird. But Xander was proud xe were getting the patterns. Humans liked soft strange creatures that fit in their arms. Be the neck or an appentage. If they could pet it they loved it. So when xe saw the little creature waddling from the foliage he knew the crew’s human would live it. It was small covered in fur, a little beak and big eyes. “Olivia!” Xe called gaining her and the attention of the crew as xe stepped aside to show her the creature as it made a very odd noise. Hikle snorted at the oddness of the creature and the crew waited for the coo’s and and Awes..... they waited.... Xander looked at their human confused.

Well..... that was a concerning look. Olivia was completely still. Eyes wide and her hands were turning white around the tablet. It took Drril a moment before he remembered the human’s facial meanings. “Are you-.” “Sssh don’t- don’t let it hear you.” She hissed backing away. The creature coo’d and waddled towards her and none of the crew had ever heard their biologist -who once got a venomous creature eight times her own size to snuggle- screech at an animal. But she did. Loudly and ran scrambling into Julith’s arms as more creatures waddled out completely benign. Were they deadly to humans?? Olivia looked horrified to see so many. “No no no no no no no no no no no-.”

“What was that?” Hikle asked once they were back in the ship. Olivia was opening cabinet and closing them frantically.

“So... in earth humans have this toy. Called a furby. Fur baby if you will. It is created with our pack bonding in mind. You know- so cute humans are suppose to love them. It looked exactly like those demons.”

“But... we have seen you pet creatures way furrier- or with bigger eyes- bigger mouths and fangs even? Why does this one concern you so?”

“Well one they are toys they talk and say cute things like ‘I love you and you are my best friend’,two they are battery operated they should need a power source.” “....should?”

“You can take the power source out... but some times.... in the back of the darkest corner of the home.... you hear it talking... a muffled ‘I love friend’.. you can throw it away- and it will be back... some how in the human’s strive to make the perfect cutest toy... we created furbys...”

“but...you have stopped manufacturing them if they are so scary.”

“.....”

“....you stopped manufacturing these creatures of they scare your species right?”

“Nope... you can still buy them.”

“.....but they scare you-.”

“I know.”

“......why?”

“I don’t know.... it is a horrific phenomenon. Oh my god and they are real!! Here!!!” Olivia cried distressed.

Xander sat back with Xir crew as Olivia refused to leave the ship again- until she saw one of the toothed flowers devour the ‘fur baby’ and she cried her ‘happy cry’ and searched to find a way to uproot the plant to keep it living and keep eating the ‘fur babies’ that seemed to flock their human in clusters much to the human’s distress. But much to the joy of the flora that devoured the ‘fur babies’.

After clarifying that Olivia was now in a symbiotic relationship ship with the flora of the forest they continued their journey. Olivia staying near the rest of the crew greatly unnerved by the now determined dominant species (and the longer they were on this planet the fear was more and more justifying). Turns out they had a language. Olivia - or more accurately humans- looked their their version of a local creature lore and capture meant they would have good fortune keeping the creature in their village to be worshipped.

They all kept a closer eye on their horrified Human.

While it was nice to learn deathworlder’s had limits being small creatures with big eyes and small fur bodies.... human intuition proved correct since these creatures were hellish and horrid once they realized they weren’t just going to be handed Olivia. They left the planet in a rush and due to human networking the planet became an official ‘no human zone’ in the federation....

“......why do you make toys like that if you are so afraid of them?” Xander asked as their flew away. Usually when xir team were all in their minds and not panicked kicking and thrashing at the sight of small creatures xir crew was the best research team on this side of the universe. Olivia turned to them looking tired and sad.

“I don’t know....my running theory is these creatures are mind controlling us from across the galaxy so we can come to them... but we know... they are filled with nothing but evil.” She said solemnly and quietly. Then she sat up and spoke normally. “Or we love to torture ourselves with a creepy creatures from uncanny valley and us discovering those creatures was just happenstance.”

why were humans so weird?

Wait but Humans are Weird writers… Has anyone talked about humans will pack bond with anything, but a lot will refuse to even be near a Furby, something literally designed to sate your pack bonding instinct.

[aliens-think-we-are-weird]

This is my first writing prompt. I thought of it while tripping over my own feet. It’s under the premise humans are weird space orks.

What if the idea of humans walking bipedally is a very strange concept for aliens. Even on her own planet humans are very different from the other animals around us. Most animals that we come in contact with walk on multiple limbs. Only humans and some of the great apes walk bipedally meaning they walk on two legs. You will see on occasion bears walking on their hind limbs but it is very rare and usually only for short distances.

There’s really not much balance achieved by walking on two legs, animals that have multiple limbs usually have better balance because their center of gravity is closer to the ground.

This would also give them a better stance when fighting or protecting themselves.it would also make them more likely to be faster as they would have more momentum by using their hind legs to push off the ground.

Please comment and if you would like to use this as a writing prompt you have my permission. I can’t wait to see some of your imaginations in action.

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Ok but consider. There is an alien species that is pretty chill with caffeine like us humans

In small doses it doesn’t kill them it is part of their health they make AMAZING DRINKS

But they aren’t a particularly powerful race. The only thing going for them is their ability to drink poison to a majority of species.

So they use that. They don’t like killing people but they need a reputation to keep other aliens off their backs.

So they have drink roulettes. Some drinks have caffeine some don’t.

You have to play it to have neogations.

Most survive but violent ones are known to have a higher risk of dieing.

So a crew comes around soley because their human crew mate heard there was a planet of poison and they had a drinking game.

This human was JAZZED fuck YES.

This shocks the aliens but they agree the organization is one they want to make but they have to keep their rep. So the human beams and sits with them.

They drink. They human drinks almost all of them PRAISING the fucking amazing drinks. And the aliens all get excited.

When the humans ask which were poisoned?

“Half the ones you picked.”

“Shit really? What um.... was he poison?”

“I mean we call it cofsmic...”

“Which is-.” He looks to their translator who looks tired.

“Caffeine...”

“that is poison? I had caffeine this morning!”

“Humans can consume our drinks?” The aliens smileing as they could.

“Most of human drinks has this Cofsmic you have.”

“Oh! I would like to have you try our drinks!!” And that is how their planet became the most well protected popular and richest planet because humans from all over came to have their drinks- which meant alliances and colonies and they p much lived in peace with the humans.

Humans are space orcs

I’ve been reading a lot of these “humans are space orcs” posts and that got me thinking…

Imagine that you’re the only human in youre crew. Youre crew is getting attacked by pirates and they start shooting darts with a deadly substance in it. None of youre crewmembers is getting hit, but one dart hits you. The whole crew is freaking out and screaming “Oh no, our human is dying!”

But you don’t feel like you’re about to die. You feel energetic and hyperactive. You manage to blurt out “ohmygodifeelawesomewhatwasinthosedarts?!?” And one crewmember just stares at you like you lost youre mind and says “that… that was caffeine”

And then you spend the next hour running in cyrcles and screaming “WEEEEEEEEE” while your crewmembers slowly start to whish that these darts had killed you.

[aliens-think-we-are-weird]

Humans are space orcs

I’ve been reading a lot of these “humans are space orcs” posts and that got me thinking…

Imagine that you’re the only human in youre crew. Youre crew is getting attacked by pirates and they start shooting darts with a deadly substance in it. None of youre crewmembers is getting hit, but one dart hits you. The whole crew is freaking out and screaming “Oh no, our human is dying!”

But you don’t feel like you’re about to die. You feel energetic and hyperactive. You manage to blurt out “ohmygodifeelawesomewhatwasinthosedarts?!?” And one crewmember just stares at you like you lost youre mind and says “that… that was caffeine”

And then you spend the next hour running in cyrcles and screaming “WEEEEEEEEE” while your crewmembers slowly start to whish that these darts had killed you.

[aliens-think-we-are-weird]

I fucking love sawbones

And I need a gif of Sydnee and Justin

I once saw a space australia post that aliens would freak out about our current way to treat people with medicine, surgeries and stuff. Lets say, transplant an organ from a dead person into a not so healthy, still living person, but this is, in my eyes, pretty humane and we can ensure that everything is sterile and the patient will survive at this point in time. Aliens could freak about it, I’m not saying they couldn’t do that, but they would really lose their minds when they found out about our medical history of treating patients. Lets say they ask a doctor about medical history or found earth shows about this topic and end up aghast and nauseated at what humans done to themselves in earlier times. I’ve been listening a lot to Sawbones, a podcast about medical history, lately and boy howdy am I glad that the medical field isn’t a giant guessing game anymore and we can cure a lot of things, if not all, but at least the doctors now know what they’re doing for most things. I’m not even talking about when we blamed a sickness on the supernatural, but when we would do stuff like trepanation or lobotomies. Or patent medicines, that weren’t patented at all, but cure alls that cured absolutely nothing and tobacco, alcohol and opium much like some pretty poisonous things, like mercury, arsenic and radiation, were also in this category. There was also the four humors system, were humans thought that there were four fluids in your body that you had to keep in balance to be in perfect health, were most likely the trend to go to your local barber surgeon for bloodletting came from, you’d also go there to get your rotten teeth removed. Or how we treated woman and mentally ill people in the past. Or dead humans that were used in medical cannibalism. Medical history on earth would be the biggest horror story for aliens. Then there are always humans who romanticize almost every part of history. I don’t get this at all, like we still have milk shakes and racism, why would anyone want to live in the 1950’s? And if you would go back even further down in history, health conditions and everything else would just get worse and worse. Aliens would be flabbergasted at this.

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daily reminder to click a button so you can give free food to a shelter!!

[aliens-think-we-are-weird]

Human Andrew was looking at one of their ships visitors- infact- all the humans were tense as the particular Jagnar walked by them. Andrew though was the most open about it.

Humans Hector seemed to be trying to reassure him.

"Dude you are just Paranoid."

"I just..... don't feel right around that guy." He muttered coming back to stand by Bolcth. Bolcth looked at his current courting companion- yes there was a relationship blooming between him and human Andrew. Now Bolcth knew human Andrew was better then most humans- well except human Maria but most humans agreed it was because she has children and human women with children had more acute awareness of emotions- but human Andrew was currently eyeing the Jagnar and sticking close to Bolcth.

He knew from moths with Andrew humans were very particular- they said their guys would twist when something was wrong- which was horrifying to Bolcth but his small human reassured him their guts didn't actually move it was just... a feeling they got that was strongest around their guts that made them feel wrong.

His Andrew really wasn't happy- infact he was the most distress out of the humans.

"What is wrong?" Bolcth asked ducking more down to Andrew's shell like ear moving a bit so Boltch's hulking form covered his Courtmate (boyfriend as Andrew called in where you were in a relationship before mating).

".....I don't.... I can't trust that guy is telling the truth you know? I just.... feel like they are hiding something." Andrew sighed. Which was confusing! The Jagnar was an ended of the Vaknic planet! How could they not tell the truth?

"......maybe I need more sleep..." Andrew sighed.

---

Turns out that particular Jagnar sold them out to pirates.... Andrew was very open about this.

"Oh! You are just fucking paranoid Andrew! You need to relax Andrew!" Bolcth understood mocking... seemed Andrew was very open to mocking Andrew and the captain- (what a brace courtmate, so strong, Bolcth loved his tiny human).

"I FUCKING TOLD YOU!" Andrew roared as he shot three pirates in the head- the area was clear and they needed to get to the rest of the crew.

"But did you believe me? No! Only My main man Bolcth had my back!" Andrew threw his arms up. Hector groaned.

"We get it."

"Do you? Do you REALLY?!" Bolcth looked to his Captian as Xye also seemed to be in awe at not only the correct prediction Andrew had made but how casually he was that this whole situation fighting and all seemed to be like he was expecting it. More so that Hector seemed more annoyed that it was happening. "Next time you listen to me when I say some creepy dude is bad news bears you got it?!"

Hector groaned as Bolcth nodded staring at his mate with respect and love, the Captian nodded understanding this important useful trait Andrew had.

Humans were weird and thank the creators they were with them.

Gut Feeling

You know when you get that twisting feeling in your gut because you messed up big time and are going to get in trouble or your just plain scared? There is actual science behind your gut feeling! We do have a mass of nerves down near our guts because making sure everything stays in order is hard enough and our main brain just wants to relieve itself from some stress. Since that secondary brain isn’t our main squeeze, it also deals more with our subconscious. Now here come the aliens. With our gut brain, we can feel that something is off in the area surrounding us, even if nothing is jumping right out to the aliens or to ourselves. We can also tell if someone is lying due to our ‘gut feeling’. Would aliens that rely on sunlight for food have a gut feeling or would no aliens have it at all because they removed all dangers from their worlds and would have no need of it?

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Searching

When we notice someone goes missing, even if it is only for a few seconds, we go looking for them. Due to our hype awareness and vigilance, we notice when someone goes missing and we want to find them as soon as possible because they are part of our group and we want to make sure everyone is safe and okay. This would be extremely useful in tough expeditions were it is extremely easy to lose someone and not notice. This awareness of noticing someone is missing also pair well with our ability to know that something is wrong.

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Searching

When we notice someone goes missing, even if it is only for a few seconds, we go looking for them. Due to our hype awareness and vigilance, we notice when someone goes missing and we want to find them as soon as possible because they are part of our group and we want to make sure everyone is safe and okay. This would be extremely useful in tough expeditions were it is extremely easy to lose someone and not notice. This awareness of noticing someone is missing also pair well with our ability to know that something is wrong.

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Here is a terrifying thing us humans do

Our brain is crazy. You know how like? If you loose one sense like your brain hard wires it self to just put it in another spot? Like? Oh? We are blinded? Our hearing and smell get significantly better, like it takes time but our brains just go- oh this part isn't working- alright! Give me a month and we will have this re-wired to another sense and you will be right as rain!

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Forgiveness

We all know that humans can for grudges extremely fast, but what about the opposite? There are people that will forgive someone else the moment a bad thing happens.People like this would probably be the first ones sent to visit the aliens as they would forgive the aliens for whatever mistakes they cause and smooth over the relationships a little between the two races.

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Head Scratches

You know when someone you trust comes and scratches your head and plays with your hair nicely and then you just turn into a limp noodle and fall asleep? What if the aliens didn’t know that? So here along comes Bloell and they notice that Human-Rachel has something stuck in their hair. So they come up and offer to get it out for Human-Rachel. Rachel complies and they move to a place where she can sit while Bloell removes the object. Couple of minutes late Rachel slumps over asleep in the chair. Cue alien panicking because the human shut off randomly.

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Fear Reactions!

I’ve seen post about how humans can react to fear by singing but I haven’t seen any for if the human freezes in place or just up and wacks the thing scaring them. Imagine the reactions of the aliens. 

[aliens-think-we-are-weird]

Humanity is so beautiful

So I learned two cool things about humans:  Humans have stripes! Human skin is overlaid with what dermatologists call Blaschko’s Lines, a pattern of stripes covering the body from head to toe. The stripes run up and down your arms and legs and hug your torso. You cannot see them without special equipment as the difference between the stripe cells and the non-stripes are too subtle for human eyes to pick up. You will also notice them at if something irritates the skin, as rashes and moles can form along these invisible lines.

Humans are bio-luminescent! We glow in the dark. Natural chemical reactions in our cells let out some energy in the form of visible light. Unfortunately this light is very weak, about 1000 times weaker than the eye can see. Scientists still don’t know if there are animals capable of seeing this light in humans. 

So, it gave me an idea, and I will be writing something on it, but I’m also eager to see where others would go with the idea: what if humans met a race that could see our stripes, or our glow, or both!  My take on the idea will involve the aliens adoring these glowing stripy creatures. Humans, meanwhile, are really confused about why these aliens find us so much more attractive than the more colourful creatures out there. Their compliments would confuse us. We literally cannot see what makes us beautiful to them. 

Anyone who wants to write this, feel free to go other places; love, hate, disgust, confusion. Any reaction from the humans, or aliens, can make a good story. 

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I was given a bell for this reason so here we go.

H'jnar always took pride in xir tracking. Xey were mostly hired for those reasons to keep track of targets or specimen for researchers or officers.

It paid great money.

One day xey were hired to a research ship and to their amazement a human. The human was a short female it xey got xir human anatomy correct- upon asking she confirmed she was biologically and identified as female. She smiled when asked too and thought it was respectful before asking xir pronouns.

Xey told her such and she never used any other pronouns but the ones given. She was a researcher named Olivia. A botanist, she had long dark fur- hair the humans called them- and pale eyes. She had spots on her already dark skin and curiously enough, a silver necklace that chimed when she walked. She was far shorter then H'jnar.

H'jnar's species though evolved tall with large ears and front facing eyes. They had long tails and limbs for stealth- again vastly different from their shorter softer rounder human companion. Who chimed when she walked and had a loud laugh and loud voice.

The crew told H'jnar they need a specific watch over Olivia the human. Which had confused them greatly. Why would they need to? She was loud with the other human crew mates and chimed as she walked around the other aliens could tell it was her with out looking.

Then one day they landed. H'jnar went to go and retrieve Olivia who got up and left in a hurry neither noticed she lacked her chiming necklace.

H'jnar lost her in a matter of minutes.

It was? Shocking? Confusing? Where did she go? Xe shot around the station darting in and out of rooms looking for her.

They couldn't hear the chimes and xey focused so much on the chimes xey never distinguished her foot steps from the others-

"FUCKING HELL OLIVIA!" Xey shot to a room xey passed to see human Jared clutching his chest staring at Olivia who was curled up on the couch with their observational devices and one of the native plants.

"There you are!" H'jnar sighed and Olivia smiled at Xem.

"Sup my batty friend! Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I was looking for you!"

"Bro you passed me like? Four times, you would come in a room look around and be gone before I can say hi." .......Impossible!

"I never saw you!"

"Don't be too hard on yourself.... when Olivia gets her nose in a new plant she can sit quietly for hours and no one knows she is there."

"I don't mean to be! My dad use to take me hunting and being quite is perfect for studying wild life!" She huffed and then got up and walked to H'jnar- that was when xey realized how softly the human walked. Every movement xir human friend made had little to no noise. Xey followed her the rest of the day fascinated. So use to hearing her chime and ring- not an unpleasant sound mind you in fact it was very kind to Xir ears-

But Olivia was almost near silent, her voice was still loud when she talked and her laugh still filled the room... but if she wasn't doing either of those many quickly forgot her presence. Some times H'jnar watched Olivia see a crewmate and grinned before easily getting to their side and tapping them keeping in their blind spots playfully before jumping out saying 'boo!' Frightening many- sometimes H'jnar needed to announce them since one tif the Stations worker almost harmed Olivia for just appearing.

If H'jnar wasn't being so vigilant or Olivia wasn't leaning on them xir sure xey would have forgotten Olivia's presence in the room as well....

Xey now understood the importance of the silver chiming Necklace Olivia owned, and truely.... humans were strangled and xey never hoped to be on the bad side of a silent human like Olivia.

Quiet Humans

Humans are very noisy. We burp, fart, laugh and talk constantly. Even our heart beat can become loud enough to hear when we are startled. All this means that it’s not that hard for aliens to keep track of us. Now let’s get us some aliens who are living with a person who could easily pass as a ghost even to other humans because they are just that quiet. The aliens would just lose their human constantly and would most likely place a tracking chip on them just for ease of mind. Especially when said human realized how to turn that sneakiness into a weapon of mass chaos in the ship.

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Aliens reacting to someone with braces? Thanks!

The human problem was growing bigger at an alarming pace.Back when they first started travelling through space, most had viewed theirefforts as cute. Some had even cheered them on from afar. Of course, that wasbefore they realised what kind of creatures humans really are and what kind ofplanet they originate on. Before they knew what humans did for fun.

The humans as a whole hadn’t attacked yet, but it was only amatter of time before they gathered their forces. The Ktynarian species had tobe prepared.

As a result, they had commandeered a human craft, and with eight Ktynarians to every human, they’d managed to gain control of the vesseland the horrible creatures within.

Unfortunately it was common knowledge that getting a fullygrown human to talk was a near impossible feat. Fortunately, there were severalyounglings on the ship. The majority were younglings actually, which was asurprise. Upon further investigation it was revealed the ship was operated by atraining facility of the category ‘school’.

After separating the humans into smaller groups to minimisethe risks of organised resistance, Commander Yldrik picked one of the mediumsized younglings to interrogate – having heard that the bigger posed a threatin size, but that the smallest were often quick and nimble

Yes, the medium sized one were surely the easiest to make afirst attempt on. And if that failed, they still had a plethora of other humansto interrogate. One of them would surely give them some useful information.

Some of the humans were secreting some sort of fluid fromtheir optical organs, some making noises the Ktynarians couldn’t identify, butinstructing them to be quiet seemed to just make them more intent on making thenoises. Deciding it would be best to leave xir soldiers to deal with it,Commander Yldrik turned xir focus to the youngling xe had selected.

“What is your objective,” xe asked. Getting straight to thepoint had seemed like the best method, but the human didn’t seem to comprehend.

“What?”

“What is your objective? What are you here to accomplish?” xe repeated, seemingly surprising the human. Perhaps they hadn’t expected to beconfronted, or for the Ktynarians to be suspicious of them. Clearly the humanshad underestimated them.

“Well, I mean, a B would be great, but I’d settle for a Ctoo,” the human responded, something in their mouth gleaming slightly. Underdifferent circumstances Yldrik would have paid it more attention, but xe waspreoccupied deciphering what the human had said.

A bee was a creature from the humans’ home planet, andapparently vital to their ecosystem. A sea however, was a large body of aparticular kind of water, and their planet seemed to be largely consisting ofit. Why would they possibly want more of it?

“Why?”

“It’s not my best subject,” they said, elevating an upperpart of their anatomy. Yldrik knew xe had been informed of the meaning behindthe movement, but xe had finally noticed something different about the human’steeth. Something worrying.

“Bare your teeth.” The human seemed surprised by the order,but complied after a brief hesitation.

The sight that met xem was terrifying, even for someone withas much experience as Yldrik.

“W-what are those?”

The human looked perplexed at first, but seemed tounderstand what xe was referring to fairly quickly.

“You mean my braces?” the human asked before baring theirteeth further. A grin. At least that was what xe thought the action was namedby the humans. “It’s just metal. You see, my mouth had too many teeth in it, sothey got a bit out of order. Crooked and all, you know? So when I was aboutthirteen my parents took me to a dentist who basically attached metal to themto force them to stay in place. Cool, huh?”

The tone in which the human spoke did no justice to thehorrors that laid in their words. They spoke as if they didn’t realise how terrifyingthis information was – no, come to think about it, they spoke as if they enjoyed the horrors they’d clearly beenput through.

“And this was necessary for your survival?” xe asked, seeingno other reasonable explanation.

“No, no it’s just because it looks better,” the human said,repeating the elevation of an upper part of their anatomy. They did somethingelse too, with an appendage of theirs, but Yldrik was done paying attention.

In record time, every single Ktynarian had vacated the ship,control of which had been returned to the humans. Fortunately their ship had afar higher maximum speed than the humans.

Their only chance at survival would clearly be to stay asfar away from the humans as possible. If they attacked, the Ktynarians wouldhave no other option than to flee. A species willing to do things like that totheir own young – for aesthetic reasons no less – was not a species one wantedto go to war against.

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Humans Are Weird: Fun with Food Allergies

My humble submission to the Humans Are Weird conversation. I know we’ve talked about food allergies, but as someone with a LONG list of them, I have a feeling explaining the different ways multiple foods can fuck you up would be fun….

X’kora was learning fast. It was their first mission with humans aboard the ship, but they had felt adequately prepared. Until the peanut incident with Human Monica, that is. The human had been understanding, and had offered to prepare her own food, but X’kora insisted that they didn’t want Human Monica excluded, and that they would be happy to accommodate her needs.

“You turned purple. That is not a standard human skin tone. It must never happen again. Please provide me with your list of death foods.”

Of course, they hadn’t been prepared for the list of twenty-two foods Human Monica was not allowed to eat.

“I tried to color code them for you,” Human Monica explained. “Red are the ones that make my throat close up - like peanuts. The ones in yellow give me hives - a skin rash. And green just give me a headache or stomach ache.”

“All of these foods cause you various forms of distress?” X’kora asked in shock.

“Unfortunately.”

“I must avoid peanuts, bananas, and soy at all costs?”

“Please do. My grandma didn’t believe in food allergies, and baked some peanut butter banana cookies with soy milk - to prove to my parents that they were over protective. Didn’t see much of grandma after the death cookie incident.”

X’kora taped the list to the cabinet. “I will endeavor to meet your needs.”

“Don’t stress - I’m used to it.”

“You. Turned. Purple.”