alpheusyaxley

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[ text ]:When will my dignity return from war.

[Text]

Potter? How did you even get my numbe-

Did you just say war? Has he returned again? Has your father said something? I’m honoured that you’ve decided to tell me about the next possible war… but I’m really not ready for the psychological strain this is going to put on me. I can’t deal with a secret this big.

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(♜)  – “You meet me here at this time for a b e t? Are you fucking kidding me?” The brunette spat cumbrously, trying his hardest to keep the anger in his tone evident, although his exhaustion was making him look more like an annoyed kitten than anything remotely intimidating. Regardless, Alpheus couldn’t stop himself from being intrigued, “Go on then, state your terms. One last thing -- make it i n t e r e s t i n g. Make it worth my time.”

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alpheus yaxley ♦ moodboard 002/? - friendships / dominique weasley ↳ “I thought I was normal, until I met you. Then I realised we’re both pretty fucking weird, but I like that about us.”

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apparently Disney World’s Aladdin was fired for selling pot to Cinderella

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Describe my muse in the absolute worst way possible.

( bonus points if it’s still shockingly accurate. )

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Idk why everyone thinks Slytherins are all evil bc they’re ambitious when in most cases ambition really just leads to shoving a whole pizza in your mouth because some hoe said you couldn’t.

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{ Owl/text} A Disney princess dress arrived today. When did I order it?

[Owl/text] You don’t remember? Of course you don’t, you were drunk beyond belief. Three Broomsticks, about 10 pints of butter beer sound familiar? You started crying over not being the belle of the ball, or something like that, and then went on to say how shitty being in love with a beast is. I presume that’s Scorpius. You did it then. Ps. you paid extra for the tiara. - Alpheus Yaxley. 

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[text/owl ]: In not brubk yuu ate.

[text/owl]: Dominique. I have no idea what you’re saying, reply when you’re able to, and please lay off the alcohol. I’m offended you haven’t shared, by the way.- Alpheus Yaxley. 

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Random texts.

[ text ]: I'm drunk on lemonade.

[ text ]: A book told me to bathe in milk. I have regrets.

[ text ]: Help. I'm stuck in [insert name here]'s house and they won't let me leave.

[ text ]: Last night, I used 7 champagne glasses to empty an orange juice carton and drank none of them.

[ text ]: I accidentally sexted my mom.

[ text ]: Why is my TV in the back hard.

[ text ]: I can't find my phone.

[ text ]: Sorry about calling you for pizza last night. I got you and the delivery number mixed up.

[ text ]: I got prank called that my cat was in the freezer but I don't have a cat and I'm scared.

[ text ]: Don't be alarmed. There's a pretty angry cat in your apartment.

[ text ]: I don't know who you are but I want pizza.

[ text ]: Do you have my dog?

[ text ]: A Disney princess dress arrived today. When did I order it?

[ text ]: All I have in my fridge is eggs.

[ text ]: THERE IS A STRANGER IN MY HOME and xhe is politely asking for beer.

[ text ]: All my underwear is gone.

[ text ]: I just got mistaken for a porn star.

[ text ]: Who's house am I in?

[ text ]: I've been waiting for three hours and you're still in the bathroom.

[ text ]: I have a collection of stolen doorknobs.

[ text ]: Police just asked me where you are. You should hide.

[ text ]: I think you underestimated the power of vodka. You told me that rainbows were a conspiracy.

[ text ]: I wish I was a unicorn sometimes.

[ text ]: The sky was green for like a second. fite me.

[ text ]: You were so drunk last night that you hit on your reflection.

[ text ]: I think we need to talk about last night.

[ text ]: Pack your bags. Surprise road trip.

[ text ]: Remind me to never drink again.

[ text ]: Someone stole my table and only my table.

[ text ]: There's a huge ass hole in my couch. It's bigger than my butt.

[ text ]: All my pasta is gone and I can't find it.

[ text ]: When will my dignity return from war.

[ text ]: Apparently 'mmm watcha say' isn't funny anymore.

[ text ]: In not brubk yuu ate.

[ text ]: sleap wwat evn os sleeo

[ text ]: auto cucumber is bae

[alpheusyaxley]

“Are those really your terms? Huh, I expected more brutal ones. Nevertheless, you can’t go back on them now. If I win, Lily dearest, I get a shot of Fire-whiskey equivalent to my winning score in the Quidditch match bought by you. So if I get 10 points, 10 shots. You also have to confess your love for Scorpius regardless of your actual feelings towards him. Or.. are you going to b a c k o u t?”

“I can’t tone down on the cockiness otherwise I wouldn’t be acting like myself. The only shock will be if you manage to get one Quaffle past any hoop, that’s for sure. Bet? You’re on. State your terms, L i o n.”

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“I can’t tone down on the cockiness otherwise I wouldn’t be acting like myself. The only shock will be if you manage to get one Quaffle past any hoop, that’s for sure. Bet? You’re on. State your terms, L i o n.”

“I wish I could say that I’m s c a r e d, honestly I do, but anything dirty you could have done I’ve exercised myself. Every loophole? I know. Any rule to break? I’ve memorised. Go get your broom, because baby, it’s on.” 

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“I wish I could say that I’m s c a r e d, honestly I do, but anything dirty you could have done I’ve exercised myself. Every loophole? I know. Any rule to break? I’ve memorised. Go get your broom, because baby, it’s on.” 

“Oh come on, Potter. You may be awful at Quidditch, but your house placement disallows you to back down from any challenge due to cowardice. So I, Alpheus Yaxley, challenge you to play me in Quidditch.” 

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“Oh come on, Potter. You may be awful at Quidditch, but your house placement disolows you to back down from any challenge due to cowardice. So I, Alpheus Yaxley, challenge you to play me in Quidditch.” 

“What’s a guy around here got to do to get a bit of action? And by action, I mean a decent Quidditch opponent. If your mind wandered, well that’s your own fault.” 

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Luncheon of the Super Rich Kids

Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Luncheon of the Boating Party (1881) / Super Rich Kids, Frank Ocean

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