alyxia91

[alyxia91]

push it down (sooner or later it all comes out) - part one

summary: thirsting over your ex’s best friend in general is a bad idea. given that you and seungcheol have never gotten along, it’s even worse. when you accidentally stumble across his stream, though, and he finds out? all bets are off.

pairing: seungcheol x fem!reader

word count: 8.4k (this part - the whole fic? uhhh tbd)

genre: smut (18+), enemies to lovers, camboy au

warnings/contains: camboy!cheol, explicit language, masturbation (m. and f.), usage of petnames (affectionate) and petnames (derogatory), general e2l antagonism and shenanigans, questionable decision-making.

a/n: this is part of the svthub collab. thanks to @sapphichui for putting it together and for being so gracious! special shoutout as well to @biaswreckingfics for being my second pair of eyes on this even if she doesn't read svt fic <3

svthub masterlists: hyung line and maknae line and official taglist form

general taglist: @trashlord-007, @goodforgyu

series masterlist

“Nope! James is a dick and we don’t gorge ourselves on ice cream over dicks.” Your well-meaning best friend, Lily, made this declaration as she grabbed the carton of Ben and Jerry’s from your hand and immediately went to throw it away. “We’re going to get you over this break-up with alcohol, neon lights, loud music, and dancing.”

Despite yourself, you had to bite back a laugh. “I’m not gorging myself, Jesus,” you argued, getting to your feet and following your friend. You rested your elbows on the island countertop and watched her dump the carton in trash then rinse your spoon in the sink. “One: I’ve had three bites and two: I realize he’s a dick. The AmeriCone Dream is less about my ex and more about me craving something sweet. Also three: The last time we all went out, we ended up getting on the wrong train and not realizing it until we literally made it to the end of the line and they kicked us off at like 2AM.”

That gave Lily pause. “...Point. We’ll just have to agree in advance that we’re sharing an uber home rather than risking the train! I’ll let Nari and Jess know the plan. Now. Go get dressed because we’re doing this.”

Your lips twitched and you let out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. But only because you asked so nicely.”

-----------------------------------------

Two hours later, you were in the middle of a crowded dance floor, covered in a sheen of – well, you’d call it sweat but your grandmother always said ladies don’t sweat, they glisten, so – whatever noun constituted glistening. Catching Nari’s attention, you gestured you were headed toward the bar and made sure she nodded her understanding of your intentions before making your way to the (relatively) less (at the moment) crowded bar area. You pressed your hands against the edge of the countertop then leaned forward to speak to the bartender when she stopped in front of you, having to almost shout your order for water and another rum and coke. At her thumbs up and movements to do just that, you shifted to sit on the stool while you waited, a hand moving from your peripheral into your line of sight drawing your attention.

You followed the hand up the arm, all the way up until your gaze met that of the unbelievably handsome man standing next to you, a wide, friendly smile on his face and his hand still held out to you. Having confirmed he caught your attention, the man shifted his hand into a slight wave and your lips curved up into a smile. 

“Hello,” you said with an answering wave. Had you gone out that night with the intention of picking up or being picked up by someone? No. Did that mean you were going to not take this chance to talk to a random hot guy and see what happened? Also no. After how things went down with your ex, if nothing else, it was a nice validation. 

“Hi,” he started, “I’m –”

“Sorry, buddy. She’s spoken for,” came an altogether too familiar voice, quickly followed by the man to whom that annoyingly familiar voice belonged slipping himself between you and Mister Tall, Dark, and Dreamy. Looking pleased as punch as he turned his body sideways to force the other man to step further back or risk being bumped into. 

Seungcheol.  

If you had hackles, they would be raised straight up. “I am not,” you said through gritted teeth. Forcing your gaze away from the bane of your existence, you looked up at the other man.  “Please ignore Seungcheol. His favorite pastime is being an ass.” 

That earned you an arched eyebrow and an amused smirk from said ass. 

Unfortunately, Tall, Dark, and Gorgeous was looking back and forth between you and Seungcheol, then shaking his head and holding his hands up. “No, it’s okay. I’ll let you two do…whatever this is.” 

Then he was gone and you were glaring at Seungcheol. “Seriously?”

He grinned, turning his body back around so he was facing you. “I’ve gotta look out for my best friend’s girl, don’t I?”

“Your best friend’s ex-girl, actually, and considering you’ve never looked out for me a day in your life, this is a really odd time to start.” 

“Haven’t I?” His expression was unreadable, then, and your brows pulled together, baffled by his words and his demeanor. At least until he shifted right back into obnoxious, making a point to look you up and down before shaking his head and returning his gaze to yours. “Anyway, you’ll always be his girl to me, unfortunately. On the rebound already, though, ouch,” he said with a tsk that you could see more than hear, and that made you want to claw his eyes out but hey. It was nothing new. “That didn’t take long at all, did it?” 

”Despite your…personal – and questionable – experience with reality, the rest of us live in the world where James and I broke up. And since I’m at least waiting until that’s the case to ‘rebound,’ of the two of us, I think I’m morally in the clear here.”

“What?” It was his turn to look confused.

“What do you mean, what? He didn’t tell you why we broke up?”  

Seungcheol straightened his spine and your attention shifted down to where his jaw was clenched before you forced it back up to meet his, inwardly recoiling at the ire there. If you didn’t know for a fact the man hated you, you could almost think he was angry on your behalf. “Obviously not. What happened?” 

You did know him, though, and he had made it very clear over the last eight months how much he disliked you. 

                                                                                             You had never figured out why or what you’d done to offend him so much in the first ten seconds of your meeting that prompted him to ice you out. To continue to be cold and dismissive of you despite your attempts to understand and get closer to him in an effort to make things less awkward for your boyfriend. After all, James had nothing but good things to say about his best friend. Warm, affectionate, funny, loyal, trustworthy, dependable, kind. Those were adjectives you’d heard used to describe Seungcheol hundreds of times during the course of your relationship with your ex, and yet you had never met that version of the man. 

Still, you had tried and tried until you finally had enough one day and just asked him what the hell his problem was, only to be met with a scoff and a drawled, “What’s the matter, princess? Need everyone to like you? Can’t handle it when someone isn’t paying you attention, hm?” 

Your indignant gasp and (admittedly and sadly) shrill, “Princess? Are you kidding me right now?” had earned you a sly smile and him stepping into your personal space, tucking stray hairs behind your ear and crooning at you. 

“Or is it just that you want my attention? For me to like you?”

You had slapped his hand away and balled your hands into fists at your sides. “I don’t want anything to do with you,” you had hissed at him, flushed with anger and offense. 

Some small part of you had whispered that actually, you had wanted him to like you and to pay attention to you – not in the way he was implying, of course. As objectively good looking as Seungcheol was (you could admit it to yourself and had even had an initial moment of, ‘Oh no, he’s hot,’ when James had first introduced the two of you), he was an ass and you were hopelessly infatuated with James. But because he was your boyfriend’s best friend and you had wanted him to fucking like you, which wasn’t a bad thing! 

His attention. That was maybe a little less noble, but it was human nature to want what we couldn’t have and the more standoffish he had been, the more you had wanted him to turn his attention to you. If only to prove that you could have it and there wasn’t something wrong with you that warranted being treated like a Leper.  

“Oh? My mistake.” Seungcheol had chuckled and you had watched his gaze sweep over you, then toward the front door, which you both heard opening at that moment. James had gone to get lunch and the sound indicated he must have returned. Seuncheol had taken a step back, then, and turned his loaded gaze to meet yours. “Maybe you should pay more attention to what your boyfriend is getting up to than whether or not I ask you how your day is and tell you that you look pretty.”

After that…well, screw him. If he wanted to act like an ice prince and for you to act like a bratty princess, fine. You could and you would and you did. 

Back now in the present moment, you gave yourself a mental shake and shrugged your shoulders. “He’s your bestie. Ask him.” 

He looked like he wanted to argue – of fucking course he wanted to argue; since that day you confronted him, every interaction between the two of you had devolved into an argument or bickering until someone (usually your now-ex) either separated you or changed the subject. Fortunately, any argument he wanted to make was interrupted by the bartender placing your drinks on the counter in front of you and you handing her your card. 

You could feel Seungcheol’s eyes on you as you paid and made your way back into the crush of people.

-----------------------------------------

Disloyal Douchebag [1:02AM]: Did you tattle on me to Cheol? 

Disloyal Douchebag [1:52AM]: Wtf

When you finally got your phone back the next morning, Lily having confiscated it at some point during the night, the missed calls (three of them) and texts from James simultaneously made you want to laugh and your brain hurt. Made that part of you who had cared enough to spend eight months with the man ache. He could reach out when he wanted to complain about you inadvertently outing him for being a cheater to his best friend, but not to apologize for being a cheater. It wasn’t as though Seungcheol knowing would change anything. 

Bro code and all of that. 

Ignoring the sting in your eyes, you blinked rapidly and got up to go about your day. 

-----------------------------------------

The rest of the weekend flew by, courtesy of your friends, so determined to keep you busy and distracted, and the inevitable, unavoidable, never-ending responsibilities that every functional adult had to take care of during those two meager days off. 10PM on Sunday night found you letting out a relieved breath as you finally flopped down onto your bed, spread out on your back like a starfish. 

You stared at the ceiling, mindlessly counting the silly glow-in-the-dark stars you’d put up in a fit of whimsy last month, an impulse purchase from the gift shop at the planetarium. James had flaked (of course), but his friend, Jeonghan, made sure you knew you were still invited and encouraged you to bring one of your friends, too. His laugh when you’d asked if Seungcheol was going and the amusement in Jeonghan’s voice when he offered reassurance that he would make sure the other man was on his best behavior still made you smile. Actually, one of the worst parts about this whole thing was how much you liked some of your ex’s friends and how, given the whole break-up thing and that they were his friends first, meant you doubted you would get to see them again. 

Groaning, you rolled over onto your stomach and buried your face in the pillow beneath your head. You reached out a hand to turn the bedside lamp off then drew the covers over you, telling yourself as you started to drift off that you could just text those mutual friends that you wanted to keep. Maybe they wouldn’t want anything to do with you, maybe you and James would have to share “custody” in the split, or maybe they realized he was trash and you would get to keep them. A very teeny, tiny, possibly sort of petty and vindictive part of you maybe hoped for the latter. 

You break my heart, I take your friends. 

But mostly they were just really cool and it would suck to lose them, too. 

Except Seungcheol. James could keep him.

—-----------------------------------------

By the time you made it to the following Friday, you were unbelievably relieved for the week to be over but also incredibly, intolerably bored. All of your friends were busy and, if you had to stare at your walls any longer or watch one more minute of television, you were going to lose your mind. Add in the fact that work had been determined to drive you up a wall and/or run you ragged in the past week, and your ongoing angst regarding your ex (who was also clearly determined to drive you up a wall, considering his random calls you had to ignore and the voicemails he left that vacillated between remorseful, “please take me back,” and “I don’t see what the big deal is/you’re overreacting, come on already,”), your general stress level was what any rational human being would consider not good. 

And okay, fine. You were also horny, which you chalked up to a) not being able to have sex regularly anymore and b) hormones that always messed with you this time of the month and hadn’t got the memo regarding point a. 

So there you were. 

Alone on your bed, with your laptop in-hand, scrolling through thumbnails of live streams on some website you’d never heard of before – SVT Hub. You weren’t normally one for watching cam shows but that night you were curious enough to see what it was about. At the very least, while you weren’t in the room with the man on the other end of the line, there seemed to be some level of added intimacy and connection as opposed to mindlessly watching the same old, pre-recorded porn. 

The first thought you had when you saw coups_d_éhot was, “Holy beefy arms, Batman!” S.Coups, which was his name according to his profile, didn’t have his face shown in the thumbnail, nor was it visible when you clicked through into his streaming page to view the pictures he posted. All of them captured him from the neck down, showing off those truly distractingly strong arms, as well as several of his torso which was just – Jesus, you could definitely see the appeal of watching him get himself off. You were just looking at pictures of the man and you wanted to lick him. Or claw up his back, which he had oh-so-graciously shown in one of his photos. 

His tendency to hide his face was something you noticed continued to be the case as you clicked into the live stream, just starting. Biting at your lower lip, you let your gaze sweep over what you could see of him, sitting in front of his computer in an executive chair, upper body encased in a black turtleneck. Upper body really doing an amazing job at filling out that turtleneck, the outline of his muscles teasing at the fabric. 

And look, you totally understood him not showing his face for privacy reasons. You did. God knew, you couldn’t even do it with your face hidden. It did feel a little weird staring at and possibly getting off to a man whose image was cut off at the chin, though. Yes, he was a camboy and was on the site to be looked at and talked to and hopefully, for his and his audience’s pleasure, but he was literally being – visually and physically, at least – reduced to his body. Guilt gnawing at your insides, you almost backed out of the page, when he spoke. His voice, deep and smooth, caught and held your attention. Vaguely familiar, some small part of your brain registered, but quickly pushed aside in favor of focusing on what he was saying and the screen in front of you.

“I don’t know about you, but it’s been a really fucking long week for me,” he said and you could see the rise of his chest as he drew in a deep breath, then watched it fall again as he sighed. 

He sat up straighter in the chair and his voice practically oozed empathy when he spoke again. “Yeah? I’m sorry you’ve had it rough, too.” Logically, you knew he was responding to someone in the chat, but he could have been speaking to you and you felt that genuine warmth like a caress. “We’ll just have to make sure we take extra good care of ourselves tonight, hm?”

Okay, so maybe you could stick around and watch a bit. Just to see. Dragging the cursor away from the back button, you let your hands fall to your lap. 

“Why am I wearing a turtleneck in the middle of the summer?” You could hear the grin in his voice as he read the words and let out a soft laugh. “That’s a good question! You don’t miss anything, do you?” 

Thank God someone asked because you were only wearing panties and an oversized shirt and were already warm. Looking at him, you felt even hotter on his behalf. 

“I got a new tattoo and, well – should I show you?” 

Yes, you thought, as the chat box filled with enthusiastic echoes of that same thought. 

He tutted and your gaze caught on the back and forth movement of his chin. “You know better than that. Ask me nicely, baby,” he instructed, voice pitched even lower and okay, fuck. You weren’t sure if it was the petname or the sternness, but you felt yourself clench and knew damned well you weren’t going anywhere. 

Yes, please, you typed into the chat. 

Watching tips notifications pop up in the chat, along with a resounding textual chorus of ‘pleases,’ you held your breath. Anticipating. 

“That’s better. So polite for me,” he practically purred. “Manners get rewarded, don’t they?” His hands appeared on screen then, dragging the turtleneck up with them, until he had pulled it over his head and tossed it somewhere off camera, leaving himself bare from the waist up and your mouth dry. 

Pictures did not do this man justice. Well, they did, but not enough. You weren’t even sure where to focus your gaze, too busy letting it sweep over the flatness and fitness of his abs, the slightest trail of hair starting at his belly button and disappearing into the sweats he wore. Back up to his chest and catching at his nipples, dusky and tempting and, if you’d wanted to put your mouth on them before, now that they were live and his thumbs brushed against them, a soft hiss escaping from between lips you couldn’t see, the desire to taste him and earn more of those sounds was an ache. 

The movement of his hands drew your attention then, your gaze avidly watching one dropping to his lap, palming himself through the cotton fabric of his pants, causing your breath to catch in your throat and you to squirm on your bed, until your peripheral caught sight of his other hand sliding across his chest to trace over the tattoo on his neck. Black a stark contrast against his skin, soft brushes of ink that shaped a feather? A bird’s wing? Whatever it was, it covered the left side of his neck from just above collarbone to just beneath his jaw and fuck, it was hot. 

“Thank you,” came his rough voice and you watched his throat move around the words as he responded to people in the chat. “Got it last weekend. Mm, been wanting to for a while, m’glad you like it, baby.”

Like might have been an understatement, if anyone asked you, but you kept that to yourself, along with the other thirsty and completely inappropriate thoughts you were having about the man. S.Coups, you reminded yourself. That’s what he called himself. 

If you ever gave any thought to what camming might consist of and/or the possibility of watching it before, you would have said the talking and shooting the shit was probably just a waste of time. A ploy to drive tips and prolong getting to the point, which was the sexy stuff, wasn’t it? The naked stuff. Watching and listening to S.Coups as he engaged with the viewers, though, you sort of got it. He was a stranger about to get off on camera but, in these interactions, he was charming and it made the whole experience seem less generic porn-y and more…intimate. Like – face hidden or not – he was a real person sharing this part of himself with you. All however many of you. 

He chuckled, then, voice laced with amusement. “It makes me look like a bad boy? I have my moments. You and I know how much you like it when I’m bad, don’t we? Like it when I encourage you to be naughty with me.” He punctuated his words with a groan, the hand palming himself giving a squeeze and causing his hips to jerk upwards. “You gonna misbehave for me tonight, sweetheart?”

Well fuck. 

-----------------------------------------

You woke the next morning to sunlight streaming in through the curtains and a familiar ringtone coming from your nightstand. Slapping your hand out to the side, you groggily grabbed your cell and looked at the screen, a sleepy grumble escaping from between your lips when you saw Jess’ name lighting up the screen, which reminded you that you had brunch plans with friends that morning. 

Rolling over in bed, determined to ignore the call and knowing you could get at least another ten minutes in before one of your friends called again or just showed up at your door, you yelped when your stomach landed on something hard, and your eyes flew open on instinct. They narrowed when you spotted your laptop, first in that still-half-asleep-what-is-happening sense, then in perturb at the thing that would dare to interrupt your efforts to ignore the day and drift back into dreams. Delicious dreams of a man, sweaty, strong hand gripping your hip, dragging your ass back into his thrusts, other hand fisted in your hair just hard enough for you to feel the pull, his voice a low rasp of your name into your ear. 

Fucking cooing that you “needed this, didn’t you?” and “I know, princess. Gonna give you what you need, fuck, just like that. There you go.” You had been on the cusp of coming when the sun decided to so rudely wake you up and your stupid laptop that didn’t even belong there just had to be there to be hit. Why the hell was your laptop on your bed anywa– Oh. 

Right. 

S.Coups. coups_d_éhot. The unfairly sexy camboy – camman? cam man? – who seemed to know exactly what to say and how to say it in order to leave you panting, writhing, making a mess of yourself and your sheets, until you were begging him in the goddamn chat to let you come. Tipping him. You had never paid for porn a day in your life, and yet. Apparently, you were dreaming about him, too? Jesus. Whoever he was in his real life, he knew exactly what he was doing on that stream and for the sake of your wallet (and peaceful sleep), you needed to stay away from said stream.

Sighing and giving up on your bonus sleep, you swiped the screen to answer, pulling the phone to your ear and stating, “I need twenty minutes.”

Jess laughed and her voice was laced with mirth when she responded. “I figured. I’ll swing by Starbucks on my way and see you in thirty, sleeping beauty!” 

You loved your friends. You really did. 

-----------------------------------------

Despite your best intentions and several very strongly worded lectures to yourself, you did not stay away from the cam site. You made it to Wednesday night before curiosity and the metaphorical devil on your shoulder had you pulling it back up, scrolling until you found coups_d_éhot, hesitating all of ten seconds before clicking through and onto his profile. He wasn’t streaming that day, but he did have older videos you could pay to watch, which you did. 

That night, you got yourself off to his low, rough voice telling you exactly how to do so. Edging yourself again and again until you knew that, if he had been live – if he had been in your bed with you, teasing you and drawing it out so long, with that casual amusement, the knowing in his tone, his words – you would have been cursing him and pleading with him to let you come. To either let you finish yourself off or to give you his fingers, his mouth, his cock. 

Your eyes were riveted on the grip of his hand on said cock, hard and long and thick, precome gathering at the head. The way his thumb brushed over the tip, drawing the liquid down his length. The low groan he emitted when he drizzled lube onto his dick, the squeeze he gave himself as he started pumping harder, faster. 

You lied there in your own bed, biting back said curses and pleas that he would never hear, your fingers not nearly enough to sate you but when he finally threw his head back, jaw clenched, and growled at you that he was “Gonna come, fuck, you’re gonna take it all for me, aren’t you, baby? Every drop.” His voice was a rasp as he commanded you to, “Come now. Let me fucking feel you squeeze it out of me,” and you fell apart, cunt clenching around your fingers, a needy whine pushing its way past your lips because he came then and as you watched him spill come across his abdomen, you wanted him to be inside of you on the most visceral level. 

Friday night, again. You went to bed with your body still tingling, his voice still echoing in your head, sated and sleepy.

The rest of the weekend and the next week didn’t afford much opportunity to indulge and really, you needed to not get completely caught up in some faceless, real nameless man on the internet being the source of your orgasms. 

The following Saturday (technically Sunday morning), still tipsy and wired despite it being 2 o’clock in the morning, you decided to say, “Screw it,” and pulled up your favorite camboy’s latest video. The datestamp indicated it had been recorded earlier that night, while you and your friends were very enthusiastically and tragically singing pop’s greatest hits. Well, what you all thought the greatest hits were. God, he had the tattoo in that one. You might or might not have sent him a private message telling him he was your favorite — your only camboy, if you were being honest (which you were) — that he was stupid hot (even if he never showed his face, you just knew and he should know), he really did make you want to misbehave, and thanking him for orgasms. Lots of them. Including the one you had right before sending said message. 

That you might have but might not have sent. Because you totally wouldn’t do that. 

(Except you definitely did.) 

-----------------------------------------

August was always hot and you were by no means a fan of the heat, but you did love the beach and there was no better time to be at the beach than when it was hot enough to bake you just standing outside for ten minutes. After finding parking – easier said than done, the whole ordeal taking you forty-five minutes and causing you to seriously consider just going home and calling an uber to bring you right back – you and Lily finally made your way toward the sand and water, your lips pulling into a happy smile as you watched the people milling about, and the way the waves continuously rolled into the shoreline. 

This was your happy place. 

You heard your name being called and turned your head toward it, spotting and waving back at Jess, slipping your arm through Lily’s and dragging her forward to meet up with your other friends, who had picked a spot earlier. You hugged Jess and Nari, giving their boyfriends a friendly smile in greeting before you and Lily set your towels down next to theirs and dropped down onto yours. 

While everyone chatted or stripped down to their swimsuits, you pulled off your own shorts and t-shirt, tucking the items into your bag and started searching through the bag for your sunscreen. You found it and were able to put it on for the most part, calling over your shoulder as you finished up on your face, holding out the bottle of sunscreen to your side so Lily could grab it from you. “Hey, get my back for me? I can’t reach it.”

“Ask me nicely,” came the drawled response in a voice that definitely did not belong to any of your friends and, in fact, gave you an unfortunate flashback to when S.Coups told the viewers exactly that, causing a shiver to shoot down your spine at the same time you spun quickly around to confirm your worst fears. 

Seungcheol was standing over you, backlit by the sun, arms crossed over his chest, and his forever infuriating smirk in place. Staring at you expectantly.    

“I – What the hell are you doing here?” you hissed up at him, looking around for your friends and realizing that while you were busy covering yourself in SPF 100, half of them must have wandered into the water and the other half were several towels down, looking very interested in anything but your current predicament. 

“That is not asking me nicely, princess.” 

His words drew your attention back to him and you refused to think about the way what would normally only piss you off now managed to piss you off and somehow send a bolt of lust through you. Well. You were seriously never watching coups_d_éhot again. Clearly he broke something in you, if you were responding to Seungcheol like this. Or no. It’s not even about Seungcheol, you told yourself. You were reacting to echoes of the camboy’s words, so that is what turned you on. The words were the same and they just – Seungcheol had a similar voice to him, was all. Actually, when you thought about it, their voices were uncomfortably similar. Between that and the middle of the night thirsty private message your intoxicated brain thought would be a good idea to send, you had yet another reason to avoid watching S.Coups in the future. 

You were determined to ignore the lingering horniness that was obviously because of someone not the man in front of you. Clearing your throat, you put on your most pleasant, innocent, and so overly-that-it-wasn’t-even-remotely-believable contrite expression as you squinted up at the man. “You’re right. I am so sorry, Seungcheol. Would you please tell me what the hell you’re doing here?” 

“You are such a fucking brat,” he said, lips twitching. 

You grit your teeth as you watched him reach behind his head and draw his shirt up and off, rolling it up and dropping it onto the sand next to you before he crouched down in front of you. He rested one forearm on his thigh and held the other hand out for the bottle of sunscreen, still in your hand. “Lily invited Jeonghan, Jeonghan invited me. It’s hot. I said yes. Give it to me, hm? Unless you want to burn…?”

Vaguely, you were aware of his words. Aware of the fact that you should be annoyed and offended by being called a brat. Instead, your focus tunneled, the sounds and colors and movements around you fading into the periphery. Crouching as he was, shirtless as he was, and close enough that you weren’t blinded by the sun behind him, you had an up close and personal view of his bare upper body. On even the best day, under the best of circumstances, it would be distracting. You had never seen him without a shirt and, although he was your least favorite (okay, second to least, since James held the top honors) person on the planet, the man was built. His fucking arms? His chest? His neck with horrifyingly familiar black ink. That hadn’t been there before. You would’ve noticed. Wouldn’t you? 

No, you would’ve. Definitely. 

You forced your gaze away from the tattoo, letting it sweep over his torso again, then his jawline. No. No no no. Widened eyes stared at the feather design, starting at that same spot just above that same clavicle, ending in that same spot beneath that same jaw. You drew in a sharp breath as the realization that Seungcheol was S.Coups hit you. You hated this man and he hated you but you’d seen him naked and watched him pump his cock in his fist, heard him say the sexiest, filthiest things, while you fucked yourself to climax on the other side of the screen. Multiple times.

You had sent him a message – you had told him –  

Oh fuck. Fuck. 

 “Careful, princess,” he tutted, moving closer and grabbing the sunscreen from your outstretched hand, leaning his face into your view and arching a brow at you. “Keep looking at me like that, I’ll start to think you like me and all the attitude has just been you trying to hide how much.” 

Well that was a reality check, tearing you out of your thoughts and back into the moment. You jerked your hand back, glaring at him and trying your best to ignore the flush you could feel covering your skin. Trying to ignore how close he was and to not let your gaze keep dropping to his neck or his torso. Trying to pretend you hadn’t seen this man naked. Mortified, furious, and appalled. At least he didn’t realize you knew about his…nighttime activities.

“Like you? I do not –” you started, before realizing how loud you were being and pressing your lips together, then continuing much more quietly. “Maybe I just like your tattoo. It’s new?” 

His gaze slipped from yours and toward where the tattoo was, not that he could see it, then he cocked his head to the side and you did not like the interest with which he looked at you. “Ah, right. That must be it. We’ll just pretend that’s the only place you were looking.” 

You were going to hit him. You just were. The patronizing jackass. 

Or you were going to die of discomfort and say something to somehow out yourself as one of his – fuck, one of his viewers. What you needed to do was put space between the two of you so you could wrap your head around this development and then never think about it again. 

“I’m going in the water,” you said, pushing yourself away from Seungcheol and to your feet. 

“You realize I haven’t put the sunscreen on you yet, right?” 

“I don’t even care.”

“Sit down.”

“No.”

The way he clenched his jaw actually gave you a thrill that you refused to think about too closely. Instead, you flashed him an overly bright smile and turned away, ignoring the curses you heard him making under his breath or him calling your name. 

You were able to avoid him most of the time there, making sure to be in the water when he was on the shore or on the shore when he made his way into the water. What you could not avoid was his gaze. That, you felt on you throughout the day and caught on you several times. The problem was you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at him or looking for him, needing to be aware of where he was at all times in order to avoid having to talk to him and give him the opportunity to question you or fluster you. Because you were really fucking flustered already and were having a very hard time compartmentalizing. A task that was made even harder every time you looked at him, caught him staring at you, studying you, his goddamned eyebrow lifted and a smirk turning up the corner of his lips. 

The thing was, you knew he didn’t know you had seen his…performances. There was just no way. You had watched him as a guest the first time and then used some super generic screenname to buy access to the videos and to message him from. As long as you – for real, this time – never went back to the site and never actually told him you saw him on there, it would be fine. If you could avoid ever seeing him or running into him again at all, even better!

From the looks Lily and Jeonghan kept exchanging and their not actually all that sneaky touches, though, you were definitely going to be in the same place at the same time with him again at some point. This was what happened when you got greedy and asked the universe to let you keep your ex’s friends. They started dating your friends. 

A nudge to your arm dragged your attention away from the blossoming couple – or more accurately, Seungcheol’s back, where he was standing next to the blossoming couple – to the knowing grin Nari was giving you. “I thought you hated him,” she said. 

“I do hate him,” you argued. “And he hates me.” 

“Is that why you’re blushing?” 

“Blush- I’m- I’m not blushing!” You sputtered, hands flying up to your face to cover your cheeks, cringing when you felt the heat there. 

Her smile widened and she laughed, holding her palms up in front of her. “Okay, okay! For the record, though, you guys are both being extra weird today. And you spend a lot of time staring at each other for two people that supposedly hate one another.”

Sighing, you crossed your arms over your chest and eyed your friend warily. You wanted to explain but despite the enmity between you and Seungcheol, he clearly tried to conceal his identity during the streams, and you weren’t going to be the asshole who exposed him. “It’s…complicated,” you settled on.

When she responded with, “Mmhm, I bet it is,” you rolled your eyes affectionately and gave your friend a soft shove toward the coolers.

-----------------------------------------

As you settled yourself in bed that night, you turned off the lights and were plugging your phone into the bedside charger when a notification banner popped up on your screen, indicating you had a new email. Expecting the email to be a quick ‘send it to the trash’ type thing, as was usually the case when they came through at this time of night, you clicked through intending to do just that. Your eyes scanned the body of the message and you felt your breath catch when you realized it was SVTHub telling you that you had a new private message from coups_d_éhot. 

Shit. 

On the one hand, it was really nice that he took the time to reply to people who messaged him. Which – his whole persona as S.Coups was so different from the version of him you knew personally that the resulting cognitive dissonance made your brain error. It was weird and wrong and yet, so much more like the man everyone else described him as that it was also kind of infuriating. Even strangers on the internet got to meet thoughtful, warm Seungcheol! Apparently, you were the only person on the planet who didn’t.  

On the other goddamn hand, his response meant Seungcheol had read your thirsty DM. Thank God he didn’t know you were, well, you. 

You weren’t going to read his response. You weren’t. You told yourself exactly that even as you clicked on the link in the email that would take you to the message on the website. 

[coups_d_éhot] to [princess_peach] 10:43pm: 

Thank you for the sweet message, princess. I’m honored to be your favorite (only) camboy and love to hear you’ve been able to make yourself feel so good while watching me. ;) Don’t be a stranger in the chats. Tell me what you need and share those orgasms with me. 

Reading that was a mistake. Squeezing your eyes shut, you did your best to ignore the flush creeping across your cheeks and down your neck. Seungcheol didn’t know he was talking to you but you sure as hell did and the idea of sharing your orgasms with him filled you with a warmth you weren’t going to acknowledge. You bit at your bottom lip, weighing out whether it would be worse to reply and then disappear forever or just ignore the message. 

The guilt gnawing at your insides had your fingers moving to the keys, trying to type up something that would allow you to gracefully exit stage left while also acknowledging him and not leaving the guy on read.

[princess_peach] to [coups_d_éhot] 11:05 pm: 

As appealing as that sounds, I don’t think I’m comfortable sharing my orgasms with you AND the rest of the chat haha. Thanks for getting back to me and not treating me like a giant weirdo for watching and messaging a stranger!

There. That was a totally reasonable response! You were about to close the screen and log-out when another message popped up. 

[coups_d_éhot] to [princess_peach] 11:06pm: 

You’re cute. Shy, huh? I get that. Tell you what, peach. If you ever want all of my attention to yourself and to share with ONLY me, let me know. I don’t usually do private streams, but I have before, and you and I could talk about what that may look like. 

Your next inhale was sharp, eyes staring at the words on the screen as you squirmed in your bed. A private stream? You forced your eyes shut and quickly closed the tab, then shoved your phone face down on your nightstand. That you considered it for even a second was inexcusable and, frankly, bewildering. He wasn’t just some nameless, faceless, random man on the internet. He was your ex-boyfriend’s best friend! He was the bane of your existence! You were his best friend’s ex-girlfriend and he couldn’t stand you. 

If Seungcheol knew it was you on the other end of his messages, he would be horrified. And probably kill you. At the very least, he would go out of his way to be even more of a pain in your ass. So no. You were going to erase this whole thing from your awareness and pretend it never happened. 

Starting now. 

-----------------------------------------

You ran into your ex at the store on Wednesday and found yourself floundering. James had been there with the woman he had cheated on you with, even, something you had hoped to avoid ever having to encounter in person. Feeling frustrated and a little brittle, hurt and angry – with him, with yourself for still caring and allowing yourself to be affected by him, you needed to do something. In your defense, you had called your friends first and they had been able to talk you down from that something being completely impulsive and excessive.

Idea number one had been to pack a bag, get on a plane, and move to Boston, Augustana style. If you didn’t love Lily as much as you did, and know she loved you just as much, her laughter as she shot down that plan would have had you pushing back more. Idea two was to swear off men entirely, for the rest of forever, which you thought was pretty reasonable, all things considered. Jess and Nari reminded you of all the things you actually really loved about men, though – at least, men not James – and they had a point. Lots of guys were not cheating douchebags and there was no way you would give up forever all the stuff that came with dating them.

So fine. 

You made plans with them to meet up over the weekend and hung up the phone, feeling better. Mostly. The old saying that the best way to get over a guy is to get under another guy snuck up into your awareness and wouldn’t leave, and at this point, you were starting to seriously consider the strategy. 

Which left you with two options: tinder or getting gussied up, going out, and trying to pick a guy up. Tinder was a goddamn nightmare and a curse upon every single woman in the universe, however. It would also involve you then having to still get gussied up to meet them and presumably sleep with them. And even if you found someone on there, or if you put in the effort to go out to find someone the old-fashioned way (which, really, going out by yourself to a club or bar sounded awful), there was zero guarantee the guy could get you off. 

Okay, option three was to table options one and two for now, possibly revisit option two over the weekend when you and your friends went out, and just focus on orgasms. Partnered and yet…not. Your fingers were still curled around your phone and you tightened your grip, drawing in a deep breath. You tried to tell yourself that messaging Seungcheol back, asking him what exactly was required for and what was the expectation for private streaming, was not an option. 

It wasn’t quite as rife with the potential for life-altering consequences as an impulsive move, but it was a very bad idea. 

First and foremost, Seungcheol didn’t know you were princess_peach but that did not mean he wouldn’t find out, especially if you did things to single yourself out from his other viewers and put yourself into a one-on-one virtual situation with him. You hoped and would assume the site protected the names and other private data of viewers as well as performers, but assuming had made an ass of you many times. Even if that was protected, and even if you did your best not to say anything that would give you away, it wasn’t a guarantee he wouldn’t find out you were you. 

Secondly, if he found out, you could honestly make the argument at this point that you hadn’t known he was S.Coups when you watched him and got off on doing so. Despite the fact that he hid his face and didn’t use his real name, there was always the risk of someone he knew stumbling upon him – it just so happened to be you in this case. If you messaged him now, arranged for him to share a private stream with you, to put on a show for you while you chatted with him and touched yourself to the sight and the sounds of him, you would be doing so knowing who he was, purposefully hiding your identity and withholding that same knowledge from him. At the very least, it seemed like a violation of…fairness? If he found out afterwards, he would be pissed and you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on because you knew it was wrong. 

Also, you reminded yourself, I can’t stand the man, so why am I even considering this? 

Because, the fact of the matter was, he was different when he was acting as S.Coups. He – and you would only admit this to yourself – was always hot, but when he wasn’t actively being an ass or doing his best to get under your skin, he was also not the worst. Fine. He was actually very attractive in more than the physical sense. That’s as much as you were willing to give. 

Maybe you would message him and he would say, ‘Sorry, that’s not an option anymore, but here’s some other streamers I can recommend if you’re into that!” and all of this would be a moot point. 

[princess_peach] to [coups_d_éhot] 8:34pm: 

Hi! Is talking about a private stream still on the table? If not, I totally understand. I’m sorry I didn’t reply earlier. I wasn’t really sure how to respond but I’m definitely interested.

That was not a lie. 

[coups_d_éhot] to [princess_peach] 9:16pm: 

There’s my shy girl. It’s on the table, yeah. Why don’t I send you a sheet I drew up that explains how it works? You can take a look at it and tell me if it’s something you’d like to move forward with. 

[princess_peach] to [coups_d_éhot] 9:24pm: 

Your shy girl, huh? I know I claimed you as my favorite but I didn’t realize the claiming went both ways. Noted. ;) And yes, please. I’ll take a look and get back to you asap.

Jesus Christ, you were flirting with him now. 

[coups_d_éhot] to [princess_peach] 9:27pm: 

I think we both know I don’t share well, don’t we, princess? You’ve seen my shows. If we’re going one-on-one and getting to know each other that well, you’re definitely gonna be mine. File is attached, so read it and let me know. [attached: 1 document]

Jesus Fucking Christ, you were flirting with him, he was flirting with you, and you liked it. 

The shiver that went through you, the wave of heat you felt reading his cocky, possessive words, should probably be a sign you were heading into a danger zone and the last thing you should do was to go through with this. Probably should but if it was, you ignored it in favor of scanning through the document he’d sent, already knowing you were going to agree. It was just a transaction. He did this with other people, too, so it was fine. Totally fine! You were just another, uh, customer. Seeing the cost of a private session, your eyes nearly bugged out of your head, but it wasn’t like it would bankrupt you and you were all-in on this questionable decision-making now. 

You messaged him back, agreeing to the terms and the cost, signing the form he sent over confirming such and giving SVTHub permission to charge your card upon initiation of the private stream, and establishing a day/time for said stream. Tomorrow night at 8pm. For one hour, S.Coups – Seungcheol – would be all yours. 

Hand to God, if he ever found out you did this, you were going to flee to Boston. Or Antarctica. Somewhere you never had to face him or anyone who knew the both of you again. 

next part

[alyxia91]

Attention - Seonghwa x Reader (NSFW)

🤳 Summary: Your attraction to Hwa, a camboy you enjoy watching late at night, unexpectedly spills into the real world.

🤳 Word count: 17.5k

🤳 Genre & warnings: smut one shot. camboy seonghwa with inexperienced reader. fem pronouns for reader. depictions of cigarette smoking. jerking off. biting, reader receiving. oral sex, both reader receiving and giving. messy blowjob with some gagging. 69. reader swallows. lots of dirty talk, reader is called "whore", "slut", and "good girl". fingering. pussy spanking. choking, reader receiving. unprotected sex. creampie.

this fic is not meant to represent seonghwa in any way, shape or form.

                Snuggling down into your bed clutching your phone, you turn on your side and look at the time. It’s late, past midnight. You should be sleeping but you’re wired, too awake from work. The blueish glow of your phone casts a translucent tint to your skin.

                You’re scrolling through Instagram but you know where you really want to go. Even though you’re entirely alone, you still are embarrassed while closing out of the app and bringing up the site. There is something tinged with desperation every time you go to his page. The feeling is even worse if you spend money; come morning, you scold yourself, the same lecture every single time about needing to go get laid or find a guy nearby to at least have a good time with.

                At least it would be better than throwing money at a cam boy, you argue, and cheaper to boot. Yet the promise never seems to stick. Sure, you might go a week, even two, before you end up on his page. But you always crack and crawl back.

                You aren’t even sure if he would be live tonight. But it’s Friday night and the chances are higher than usual that he might be. Some part of you hopes that he is, the other part of you dreads it. You ignore both emotions, navigating to his page and clicking on it.

                The profile loads – catboyhwa1117 – and there is a tiny green dot in the corner of his photo, indicating he is live. Your heart skips a beat while entering the stream.

                It connects, the picture is grainy for a few seconds and then snaps into clarity.

                “No, it’s supposed to rain tonight,” Hwa is saying in that deep familiar voice of his, “Supposed to rain all weekend.”

                He’s outside, going for a walk, most likely to grab a cigarette because he’s said before his roommate doesn’t want any smoking in the apartment. It’s too dark to make his face out but you can see the outline of the buildings behind him with their small windows glowing like fireflies in the dark.

                “Wait, I’m gonna stop here cuz the café is closed,” He says and there is a shuffling of his phone, a blur of streetlights and then it comes to a rest propped up on the table, “Okay, that works.”

                You can see him now, your heart constricting enough that a tide of embarrassment hits you in the chest over having such a reaction to someone you don’t actually know.

                There are a couple of things that make following Hwa on his cam for a year now both mystifying and agonizing. The first is that there is nothing about his appearance that usually lends itself to your type of guy. He smokes, which you typically find off putting, he has a ton of tattoos, his tongue is pierced, and he wears a lot of jewelry. He wears thin black t-shirts and jeans that hang low off his slender hips, sometimes even crop tops that show off his stomach and abs. He fits the stereotype of bad boy almost painfully so which would also be a turn off if it was apparent that nothing about it felt false in all the streams of his you’ve watched (which are numerous).

                The second thing is that you live in the same city.

                You didn’t know this at first when watching his streams. You stumbled across his profile late one night when you were exceptionally lonely and looking for any sort of human connection. There was something oddly captivating about his appearance, the way he talked to everyone as if he personally knew them and of course, how he looked when he decided to show off his body that made you weak in the knees. But the more you watched Hwa, the more you recognized places like the corner shop he’d pop into it, the backdrop of buildings behind him, the occasional bar he would go into to stream himself having a drink. The definite proof came one night when a popular musician came to town and he got stuck in the crowds after the show let out.

                That made watching Hwa a little too real. The possibility of running into him left you both terrified and exhilarated. You never dreamt of trying to find his location when he was streaming because that felt way too creepy. Admitting to Hwa that you tracked him down on a stream meant that you watched him touch himself on his shows and have seen him naked before and there was no way in hell you could look that man in the face and let him know that. No, better to leave it up to the universe than tempting fate yourself.

                There is a spark as Hwa lights up his cigarette, leaning close to the camera. The lighting here is better and you can see a silver necklace dangling in front of his chest. He’s wearing just a thin sleeveless black shirt tonight, exposing his toned arms which have a random assortment of tattoos on them. His jewelry is gaudy, big heavy ugly rings on his long and slender fingers. His black nail polish is chipping and he doesn’t seem to care. His cheekbones could cut glass and his eyelashes are so long that you’re kinda jealous.

                Even if I did run into him, he wouldn’t look twice at me, you think, knowing that your fashion sense is next to nonexistent and your superpower is the ability to blend into the background of any event and have no one notice you especially someone like Hwa.

                “Someone asked what we’re doing tonight,” Hwa says, his eyes scanning chat, “Do we ever do anything? ‘Are you going to jerk off tonight’ asked someone else. Frankly, I love the enthusiasm so I’ll consider it. ‘Is your band going to do a show soon’. I’m not in a band but I appreciate the conclusion you leapt to based off my appearance. I think I would look good in a band, not gonna lie.”

                You occasionally type in chat, too shy even through a screen to interact with Hwa regularly. That’s another reason you spend most of your time alone – your overpowering shyness that you can never seem to overcome even in chat rooms.

                There is another word that comes to mind when you watch Hwa’s streams – he’s what your friends would label a bit of a fuckboy. He knows he’s attractive, he’s confident to the point of arrogance, and is candid about how much he enjoys sex. Basically, if he wasn’t on your phone screen, you would steer clear of him out of fear that you would be unable to keep up with his pace and experience.

                But since he is just on your phone screen…well, it’s okay to watch from afar.

                “No, I’m going back to my place after this. I just needed a smoke and wanted to go for a walk, figured I’d say hi to everyone,” Hwa goes, leaning back against the metal chair. His black hair falls in front of his eyes a little and he pushes it away quickly. “Is there a reason everyone is hornier tonight than normal?” He isn’t wrong, the entire chat is filled with people simping harder than usual for him.

                “Full moon,” You type after hesitating for a few seconds.

                “BubblegumHeart said it’s the full moon,” He reads, sending a jolt through you as he says your username, “I think that one has a lot of merit. More merit than half of the other shit you guys are sending like it’s my sleeveless shirt.”

                In all honesty, it most likely is the sleeveless shirt, you think.

                Hwa waves the smoke out of his face, taking one long drag off the cigarette before smushing it against the table and standing up. You’re staring at his black jeans hanging loosely off his hips, a belt thrown lazily around his delicate waist and can feel your thighs clench. You don’t know why some random person online can make you this turned on and no one in reality can. Your sexual experience is pretty thin but even the few encounters you’ve had don’t make you as turned on as watching Hwa just casually existing.

                He picks up the camera, bringing his face back into view. Not for the first time, you find yourself admiring how plump his lips are and how occasionally a streetlight catches the tongue piercing when he talks and it glimmers for a brief millisecond. You’ve wondered before if the piercing would make him going down on you a different experience from your other ones.

                Both in the stream and in your bedroom, you hear a crack of thunder in the distance. Hwa looks over his shoulder, making a face.

                “Guess I better walk faster,” He remarks.

                You don’t type again in chat as he heads to his apartment. The time spent getting back to his place is mostly him flirting with people in the chat, typical of his streams. People toss money his way for more specific attention. If there is one thing Hwa is good at, it’s making everyone who throws money in his direction feel special. The attention is fleeting and means nothing but for those few moments where he gives a thoughtful response or more intense flirting; it makes everything else fade to the background. That’s why you’re here, after all, and why you’ve given him money yourself.

                Back at his apartment, the camera is covered until he gets into his bedroom to give his roommate respect and privacy. You know nothing about his roommate besides they don’t want him smoking in the apartment. Once Hwa is back in his bedroom, the phone is plopped onto its stand showing off his bed and large computer set up. He’s mentioned before he makes music in his spare time (synthwave, if you remember correctly, which is how the rumor he is in a band got started) and uses his computer to do it.

                Hwa seems to live permanently in mood lighting. A purple lava lamp is glowing on his desk, his computer has those light up rainbow keys you typically only see on the ratemysetup subreddit, and he flicks on one of those projector lights that sends hazy stars slowly across the ceiling, also in purple. You don’t think you’d recognize him in anything other than the dim lighting of bars, coloured lights or the glimmer from the moon.

                “Alright, sorry everyone but I’m switching to members only,” He says to the camera and your heart skips a beat, “If you wanna stick around, you can subscribe.”

                Hwa exclusively switched to members only streams when he started doing the sort of thing that makes your brain melt. Of course, you had subscribed around eight months ago in a fit of weakness and desire. The stream switches over to members only and you find yourself sitting up a little more in bed, eyes glued to the small screen of your phone.

                Hwa is sitting at the edge of the bed, running his fingers through his hair as he reads the chat. “‘Tell us about the last person you fucked’, no, I don’t talk about anything I do off camera with people. They didn’t agree to that. You guys know the rules, you’re just all rowdy tonight. Maybe this will calm you all down.”

                He stands up, pulling his shirt off over his head and throwing it onto the bed. You swallow hard, staring at Hwa shirtless. Your favourite thing about him like this is the snake tattoo that starts just above his hip bone, circles around his torso, goes up along his back before looping back onto his chest and ends with the snake head just underneath his collarbone. It’s black with hints of red, gorgeous against his skin and incredibly sexy for reasons you don’t understand. The first time you saw it, you almost fell out of bed and now you cling to any time he shows it off.

                Hwa is playing up the audience, knowing damn well that taking off his shirt won’t do a thing to settle anyone down, yourself included. Even though your logical mind knows better, you find yourself tossing him a few dollars to tell him how good he looks. When he says thanks, you squirm in bed, resisting the urge to touch yourself already.

                He pulls the belt off his pants, dropping it to the floor. His pants slide down another inch, exposing the top of his hip bones. Hwa seems to enjoy showing off on camera, getting off on the attention people give him whenever he decides to jerk off for everyone. You’d pass away before ever doing something like that in front of strangers but his confidence is appealing in a new way. You find yourself attracted to everything Hwa does even though you’ve never looked at guys like him before.

                “‘Can I hire you to fuck me’ no, you cannot but I appreciate the money,” Hwa says, unzipping his pants and lowering them to show off his boxers.

                You can see the bulge of his already hard cock and your hand wiggles down to the band of your own underwear. You can’t believe how turned on you are or how badly you want him, this man you’ll never have, this man who will never notice your existence outside of a throwaway line uttered to you during a stream.

                He runs his hand down the front of his boxers, fondling himself. The rings glitter in soft lights of his room as his cock grows harder. You think about being on your knees and taking Hwa in your mouth, wondering what it would be like to have him make a mess of your face with his cum while he talks dirty in that low voice of his. When it came to Hwa, you wanted to him fuck you in ways you hadn’t thought about before; it was as if you would do anything to be his dirty little whore.

                You end up giving him more money just to tell him how much you want to suck his cock as your hand dips underneath your underwear to touch your wet pussy.

                “BubblegumHeart wants to suck my cock. It’s funny how chatty you get whenever I’m half naked. Exceptionally quiet the entire stream minus a comment here or there and then dying for me to fuck their face,” Hwa says, pulling the boxers down as his cock springs free.

                The comment makes your head spin, your finger touching your clit with a jolt of pleasure at the sight of Hwa wrapping his hand around his length along with his dirty comment aimed at you. You think once again about being on your knees for him, his fingers gently tilting your chin upwards to look at him while stroking his cock. He’d call you his little slut, tell you to be his good girl and suck his dick. On the screen, Hwa is slowly jerking himself off, basking in the attention from everyone in chat. Your eyes are glued to the screen, not caring what anyone else is saying, just admiring the way his hand looks around his dick and how his balls must be full of cum. Your finger rubs your clit, pussy wet as you both watch him and daydream about what he would do to you.

                Hwa spits on his hand lewdly, smearing it across his cock. The tip is glistening with precum as he moves his hips slightly so there is a better angle of it shown to the camera. You’re thinking about how it’d feel in your mouth and how much of it you could take before it’d hit the back of your throat. You don’t care if you made a mess with Hwa, in fact most of your daydreams are centred around him fucking you for so long and so hard that you’re practically unrecognizable by the end.

                Hwa resumes jerking off, his painted fingernails a blur as he increases his speed. Your pussy is dripping wet, soaking through your underwear as you furiously rub your clit. In the purple hue of his bedroom, Hwa’s torso is bathed in soft colours, the snake looking almost sinister wrapped around him. The projector that rotates the stars occasionally has one or two land on his stomach for a couple of seconds before moving away, giving a small pinprick of bright light against his toned abs for a second.

                He slows down his speed, allowing a drop of precum to drip off the tip of his dick before resuming. You can hear how wet your pussy is, unable to stop as your climax draws closer watching Hwa. You want to run your tongue up along his snake tattoo, bounce in his lap and have his hands roam all over your body. The desire is a palpable thing, a beast that resides just under the surface of your skin. You know that a chance with Hwa will never happen and that wanting him this much is silly but watching him touch himself shatters all the borders you usually put up.

                Hwa’s breathing is heavy and maybe his moans are for the sake of the audience, you don’t know nor care, but he sounds positively delicious as his orgasm draws nearer. You can picture his hand curling around your neck, giving it a squeeze as he pounds you into the bed so hard that you could see stars. You’d let him do anything to you, be his doll –

                Hwa gasps and his climax begins. His load goes all over his hand, making a mess as he tries to stop it from getting everywhere. There is a ton of it, he always cums a lot, and your hips wiggle as your own orgasm begins at the sight of his load and the mental image of him coating your face with it.

                Your phone drops from your hands as you lose yourself to the pleasure, head rolled back against the pillow. As your body goes limp, you can hear Hwa talk about cleaning up his mess from where your phone fell onto the bed.

                Your cheeks burn with sudden embarrassment as the orgasm abates and reality sets in. Ashamed, you sit up and snatch your phone, exiting out of the live stream hastily as if someone is going to discover what you did.

                Plopping back in bed, you stare at the ceiling. The storm started at some point during the live stream, and now you listen to it strike against the roof. You force your eyes closed, knowing that come morning, you’ll be beating yourself up for spending money in the stream and for being down so badly over a person that will never know you exist.

*

                It’s Saturday night and for once you’re out at a bar although it wasn’t your idea. Two of your friends convinced you to come with them to a larger get together. It’s someone’s birthday but you aren’t exactly sure who.

                After a couple hours, you’re already ready to go home. The bar is loud, incredibly crowded since it’s the weekend, and you aren’t much of a drinker. Having only agreed so that they would keep inviting you to things, you idly wonder how much time you can put in here before it’s okay to leave.

                As usual, you end up on the outskirts of the group. Part of it is your choosing – too much social interaction makes your anxiety overwhelming – and part of it is just how things seemingly always go.

                The rain began hours ago, a torrent that wiped the entire city clean before slowing to a steady thrum. The bar smells like water, the city, smoke and too many perfumes and colognes battling for attention. Your back presses against the wall, watching as a cluster of people play pool, your friends order another round of shots and someone begins to drunkenly yell at someone who spilled their beer.

                You don’t think anyone would notice if you were to slink out now. The city makes it easy to get swallowed up in. Your nerves are frayed from all the anxiety and noise. Deciding to call it a night, you wiggle through the crowd, popping out of the entrance and into the rain.

                The temperature has dropped considerably since you were last outside. Taking a deep breath, you feel it freeze your lungs for a few seconds. You don’t have an umbrella but awkwardly shove yourself back into the oversized hoodie that had been removed earlier in the night.

                After wandering down the block, you stop in front of a bar that is swathed in dark and red, almost sinister looking. The windows are tinted and you can’t see inside. There are shadows against the windows, slightly distorted from whatever effect the glass has on it, making it look vaguely like a bar from the underworld. But the stoop directly in front is quiet and under an overhang which makes it a perfect spot to plop down at to give yourself a few minutes to settle your nerves.

                The concrete is cold against your fingertips. You tried to dress up tonight a bit which meant a skirt that ended right at your knees. Now, it just means you’re cold. You pull the hood up of your hoodie, trying to get warm. Rubbing your hands together, you idly watch the way the cars cut through the puddles and the streetlights shatter like glass in each ripple.

                You exhale slowly, enjoying the peace and quiet. Yes, you made the right call in leaving the bar. You’ll be home soon, crawling into your warm bed and into your dreams soon enough.

                You hear the door to the bar swing open followed by a burst of electronic music before it becomes muffled again. You don’t pay any attention to a few people leaving, their heads bowed together as they giggle. You think maybe, normally, you’d feel lonely at a moment like this. But right now, you are just so relieved to be in the quiet of the street versus all the earlier noise.

                The door opens again, another explosion of music for a couple of seconds. You tilt your face back, studying the way an apartment building looks as if it is touching the storm clouds. You wonder what each individual person in each apartment is doing –

                “Hey, do you have a light?”

                At first, you don’t think the voice could be directed at you. But as the silence stretches and you bring your head out of the clouds, the voice tries again.

                “Can never fucking tell if someone has Air Pods in. Honest to hell, it kinda drives me crazy…Hey, do you have a light?” The repeated question is a lot louder this time.

                That voice, you think as time comes to a crawl, there’s no way. You turn your head in the direction of it, your heart knowing before your brain that it is going to belong to…

                Everything seems to be moving in slow motion. There is you, freezing your ass off on concrete, and then there is him, the cam boy of your dreams, Hwa, standing right in front of you, slightly leaning forward, squinting as if trying to see if you have Air Pods in because your ears are covered by the hoodie.

                “No, I don’t smoke.” You hear your voice although it sounds very far away, as if it doesn’t belong to you.

                This cannot be happening.

                But it is. Hwa is wearing a thin black tank top with a fishnet shirt tossed over it, exposing his bare arms in the cut outs of the netting. A necklace with a small green pendant dangles in front of his leaning body, swinging gently like a pendulum. His black jeans are ripped, his knees exposed and most of his fingers have the familiar rings on that you’ve seen a ton of times in streams. The bar’s red light makes the tips of his black hair glow.

                “Oh, shame. Forgot to bring my lighter.”

                You are frozen, unsure what to do. Just don’t say anything about it and he’ll leave in a few seconds. This whole thing will feel like a fever dream. But that primal part of you, that part that responds to everything Hwa casually does on his streams, is stirring like a savage beast.

                “I didn’t see you inside,” Hwa continues, oblivious to the mental strife you’re currently suffering through.

                It feels like moving a boulder to try to speak a normal sentence. “Oh, I wasn’t inside. I was at the bar a few places down but I just left. It was really crowded and loud in there…” You trail off, immediately self-conscious about talking too much to the sexiest guy you’ve ever seen.

                “No kidding? That’s why I came out here too,” Hwa says and to your utter shock – and relief…and horror… - he sits down next to you. “Sometimes I need a breather from the crowds.”

                You are sitting very still as if one wrong move will make this entire situation vanish into thin air. You are glad that your hoodie is pulled up, offering you a little protection from Hwa seeing your face which probably looks shell shocked.

                Time to stand up, tell him have a nice night and get the hell out of here, you think before that primal beast goes, no fucking way. You run into the guy you’ve been masturbating to for a year, the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, the only guy that makes you feel the way you do and now you want to head home?

                But it’s wrong to talk to him casually without him knowing that I know him!

                “Still can’t believe I forgot my lighter…I guess I’ll have to bum one off someone inside. Wow, it’s cold out here. Are you cold?”

                “A little,” You admit, still staring straight ahead, unable to look him in the face for fear of blurting out the secret or melting into a puddle of desire.

                From this angle, you can see Hwa drumming his fingers against his exposed knee. Those same fingers you’ve seen wrapped around his cock. I think I might spontaneously combust right here on the spot while wondering why the universe would land you in such a situation. The odds, even living in the same city, were so impossible that you never even daydreamed about running into Hwa. It seemed ridiculous that you would now be sitting next to him outside a bar, a cruel joke from someone who just wanted to create chaos.

                “My friend San got me into this bar cuz it’s invite only but then he took off twenty minutes ago because something came up,” Hwa continues speaking in that same voice you’ve heard a thousand times through your phone, “Hey, are you heading home after this?”

                “What?” You say, finally startled enough to turn your head to look directly at him.

                “If you’re not, why don’t you come with me inside?” Hwa flashes a smile, so familiar that it knocks the air out of your lungs, “Like I said, the place is invite only and is sorta exclusive so if you wanna grab a drink together. My name is Hwa.”

                You squint your eyes, feeling torn between jumping for joy and running down the road. “You don’t even know me.” is what you end up saying instead, immediately disliking how hostile the words come out.

                Hwa looks unperturbed, replying, “Sure but we already have something in common by coming out here for some fresh air. On top of that, you’ve just been watching the rain fall against the road which is something I do all the time when I’m trying to come up with a song. So, maybe we are a bit similar.”

                A natural question after this would be oh you write songs? But to utter such a thing would be lying to Hwa immediately since you already know he writes synthwave music. Hwa asking you to go inside could mean nothing. On his streams, he always has struck you as someone down for adventure, someone who loves people, and here you are, sitting alone outside a bar – why wouldn’t he ask to hang out? But Hwa also loves sex and attention, and you’re a woman sitting outside a bar, why wouldn’t he want to try to hit on you?

                But I know you even though you don’t know me. I masturbate to you almost regularly. You’re like the guy of my sexual dreams. But none of those words leave your mouth even as the guilt swirls.

                Hwa stands up then, extending his hand towards you. A stray lock of hair falls out of place, framing his angled face, with his eyes as dark as the bottom of the ocean. Looking directly at Hwa, you know you’re swimming with the sharks.

                “Would you like to have a drink with me?” He offers.

                You swallow hard and go, “Sure.”

Remembering that he told you his name earlier, you tell him yours while reaching upwards. Your hand meets his as he helps you up off the concrete. Your heart is beating so quickly that you’re breathless. His fingers are around yours for a few seconds and you are entranced at the sight of his painted nails as small blurs against your skin. When Hwa lets go of your hand, he motions to the door, beckoning you to follow.

                And you do, as if any other choice actually existed. If the universe had opted to toss you in Hwa’s direction, then you would take it.

                Hwa pushes open the door to the bar, the electronic music promptly smacking you in the face with the force of a punch. The entrance is covered in a low red light and shadows dance on the walls. There is a bouncer by the second door, and a woman is looking crestfallen as he shakes his head, pointing her towards the exit.

                Hwa stops in front of the bouncer, who nods before pointing at you with a puzzled expression on his face. Hwa yells something while gesturing to you and the bouncer nods again, moving to the side to let you both in. Hwa reaches for your hand once more, and the guilt becomes too much as you enter the bar with him.

                “Hey!” You shout over the din but he doesn’t hear you.

                The music is obnoxiously loud – no wonder Hwa popped out for a break – and people are crowded at the bar, bodies pressed together and the air heavy with smoke. The music makes the floor vibrate underneath your feet but no one is dancing. In fact, you can’t even spot a dance floor, just two people wildly making out smushed in a corner that looked like it maybe, in an earlier iteration, had a dance floor.

                Everything is black and red to an almost dizzying effect. Hwa stops at the bar, wedging himself into a small cluster of people. His hand is still holding onto yours, your eyes falling on it. It’s wrong that he doesn’t know, the voice in your head that is as loud as the music thrumming along your skin goes, you need to tell him before it gets more complicated.

                Hwa has now successfully gotten a lighter from someone unceremoniously shoving it into his pocket. He turns around and shoots you a grin with those dazzling white teeth of his, setting off to lead you further into the bar.

                “Hey!” You yell again and this time sharply tug on his hand.

                Hwa stops, turning his body slightly to the side to look over his shoulder at you. His brows come together in question and he asks you what although it is swallowed up by the music.

                “I have to tell you something!” You’re now wishing the confession had occurred outside the bar as the electronic music swirls around you.

                Hwa is bumped by someone, he shoots them a glare and then turns around to face you, moving so close that the warmth of his body seeps into yours. Doused in the wild lights of the bar, you don’t think it is possible for him to look sexier than he currently does. When he asks you what once again, you can see the quick flash of his tongue piercing and your knees actually feel weak.

                No choice left but forward, you motion for Hwa to get closer. He does so, his body angling so that his ear is next to your lips. Being this close to him is making your head dizzy. You can make out the muscles in his arms through the fishnet, can see the small tattoo behind his ear of a symbol you don’t recognize of two small pieces coming together, and watch as his green pendant swings in front of his chest.

                You shut your eyes for a second as if about to jump off a cliff and shout over the heavy music, “I know who you are! I watch your streams!”

                Hwa pulls away immediately, eyes widening. In the dancing blaze of red lights, it is a little difficult to make out his expression and it isn’t as if the bar lends itself to any sort of intimate conversation. But you couldn’t deal with the guilt over hanging out with Hwa and hiding the fact you know what he does in his spare time. It just felt wrong.

                To your surprise, he tilts his head back and laughs. You stare at the tongue piercing, unsure what to do or even say, given his reaction. He jerks his head to the side, an indicator to continue following him. He is still holding your hand as he wedges himself through the crowd. He said this place was invite only but it’s like the entire damn city is here.

                Hwa leads you up a metal staircase near the back of the bar, taking you up to the second floor. There is another bouncer here but he merely waves at Hwa, pushing the curtain to the side to allow access. You follow, walking past VIP booths. Someone has ordered bottle service and it is an explosion of glowing bottles, sparklers, and tiny lights flashing as a group of women pop the bottle at one of the tables.

                The music isn’t as loud here – still overwhelming but enough that conversation could go easier. Hwa stops at one of the smaller booths, releasing your hand and sitting down. Feeling nervous now, you sit on the opposite side. You’re totally out of your element and it isn’t just because you’re with Hwa. This type of bar is new to you, and you’re self-conscious about your quick outfit of the hoodie and skirt meant for a totally different setting.

                Hwa scoots all the way into the middle of the booth and motions for you to move closer. You know it is just because of the volume of the music but to be this close to him is making your heart race. Combined with the confession of watching his streams, you aren’t sure if it is racing because of desire or anxiety. Maybe both.

                His body is angled towards you, one arm across the back of the booth near your back. You aren’t sure where to look. You want to just stare at him, take in the sight of his face and his body and the fact he is this close to you but your shyness at the confession mixed with the surreal nature of the situation means you just end up staring at the table.

                A server comes off, asking in a loud voice to be heard over the music if the two of you want anything.

                “Just a water,” You yell, feeling a little ridiculous at communicating only via shouting.

                “Same,” Hwa goes, taking your lead and the server nods, leaving you alone with him.

                His eyes are on you again and your hands grip the edge of your hoodie as if it is a life raft. Your body is screaming for him a way that you’ve never experienced before while your brain is in a pure panic at having confessed you know who he is.

                Hwa leans towards you, his lips near your ear. You hold your breath, the different emotions bouncing in your chest as he speaks.

                “You really watch my streams?”

                When you turn your head to look at him, you’re so close that it would take a second to press your lips against his. He doesn’t seem phased by it, merely waiting for you to answer. Can he tell how much you want him? Is it obvious that he impacts you? You aren’t sure; his eyes don’t reveal anything.

                “Yes,” You reply, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make things awkward but it felt wrong hanging out with you and hiding it.”

                “No, I appreciate the honesty,” Hwa says and for a brief second his eyes drop to where your hoodie meets your skirt, “I’ve never run into anyone irl before that’s seen my streams.”

                “Really?”

                He nods, brushing his hair away from his face. His rings are so familiar – everything about him is so familiar. You swallow. Hwa notices, trying to hide a smirk. Your heart is skipping rope in your chest.

                “Yeah. I honestly never considered running into someone. Or…I didn’t think they’d actually admit they knew who I was,” He studies you for a moment, “Do you talk in the chat?”

                “Oh, uhm…occasionally. Sometimes.” Mortification is beginning to sit in as the conversation goes further. Does he think you’re some desperate loser for watching his streams?

                The server returns with the two glasses of water, unceremoniously left on the table because they have actual real drink orders to take. Nervously, you grab the water, fiddling with the paper straw, hoping that keeping your hands busy will stop you from reaching out to Hwa and doing something desperate.

                “Oh yeah? What’s your username?”

                “My username?” You’re stalling.

                “Yeah, maybe I’ll know it.”

                His words uttered during the stream last night come back to you. BubblegumHeart wants to suck my cock. It’s funny how chatty you get whenever I’m half naked. Exceptionally quiet the entire stream minus a comment here or there and then dying for me to fuck their face. You busy yourself taking a large gulp of water through the straw, wanting to sink into the floor of the club and disappear from Hwa’s view.

                He is watching you patiently, apparently in no hurry to get information. There is something languid about his movements, like a cat lazily watching its prey and knowing no matter what happens, it’ll catch it. Does he see you like that? Did you want him to? Again, the old thoughts return about how experienced he must be compared to yourself and the paltry limited sexual encounters you’ve had your entire life.

                When you can’t put it off any longer, you mumble, “It’s BubblegumHeart.”

                You spoke it so softly that you aren’t even sure it is audible. But Hwa reacts immediately, a grin breaking out across his face, looking as if he just hit the jackpot.

                “You gotta be fucking kidding me,” He says gleefully, “You’re a fucking chat regular.”

                What are the odds of lightning breaking the roof and striking me down right now? If I can run into Hwa, surely I can be electrocuted, right?

                “That’s amazing,” Hwa continues, sounding positively chipper, “You’re in almost every stream. I always notice you because as soon as I’m done jerking off, you immediately leave like clockwork.” He snaps his fingers. “I could never tell if you were embarrassed at watching me or just did what you needed to do and left.”

                Or maybe a stampede of wild animals from the zoo will break out, storm this bar and trample me. That might be better. Are the odds of that higher or lower? Whichever one will make my deep embarrassment stop first.

                He props his chin on his hand, studying you and your phony fascination with the glass of water. You’re too embarrassed to even talk.

                “So?” He prompts.

                Swallowing, you go, “What?”

                “Which one is it? Do you get that post nut shame and close out of my stream or do you just see those things as down to business, business taken care of, time to close out?”

                You idly resume swirling the straw in the cup, biting down hard on your bottom lip for a second before forcing yourself to look at Hwa directly. His fingers rest again his cheek, his dark eyes alight with interest, and his body wickedly warm next to yours.

                “It’s embarrassment,” You finally reply, “But none of it has to do with you. I just get embarrassed about…paying for attention. And getting off to someone I don’t know.”

                “Lots of people get off to people they don’t know. That’s basically the entirety of porn,” Hwa points out.

                “You know what I mean,” You mumble.

                He shifts a little closer. Your knees are touching now, the contact of skin against skin like pure electricity being dumped over your body. “Is it because you like getting off to me, specifically?” His voice has dropped an octave, low in your ear, settling across your brain to create a pleasant hum. Mixed with the throbbing sound of the music, it is almost making you delirious.

                There is a lump in your throat as you go, “Yes.”

                “Is it because you want to suck my cock?” He asks, quoting your comment from last night.

                The words are like a sledgehammer to your chest, knocking you entirely off balance. Your grip tightens around the glass and you’re sure that Hwa notices but you can’t help yourself. You’re getting to that dangerous tipping point where your brain is about to log out for the night. You only ever get this sensation when you’re watching his streams. How could you resist it when he’s right in front of you in the flesh?

                “Yes,” You exhale, “Can I ask you something now?”

                He nods. Very lightly, you feel his fingertips grazing the back of your neck where his arm is stretched across the back of the booth. The touch is intense; you never want him to stop. It is so faint that you can barely feel it but as he brushes his fingers there, you realize just how wet you already are – from basically nothing but talking to him.

                “Before I told you…about the streams. When we were outside. Why did you ask me to come in here with you?”

                “Cute girl, sitting alone in just a hoodie and a skirt, watching the rain fall across the city. Me, alone tonight because my friend had to leave. Figured I’d see where it would lead.”

                “Where do you want it to lead?” It is as forward as you can get without getting tongue tied.

                Hwa’s eyes drop once more to your skirt laying across your thighs before flicking back up to your face. You’re trying not to squirm under his gaze.

                “I think you know where I want it to lead,” He goes and to your shock and delight, he brings his other hand to lightly rest on your knee.

                Things like this do not happen to me, you think, knowing this entire situation is just too good to be true and therefore, your brain is going to attempt to sabotage it.

                “I don’t – uhm. I don’t have a lot of experience in this area. Very little, actually. And it will probably not be fun…for you.”

                “I’m a good teacher,” is all he says without missing a beat, “If you want one.”

                How does Hwa do that? Just flip every single conversation into something that makes your knees weak and your pussy so wet that all logic goes out the window? You have a feeling he could suggest jumping off a bridge with him and you’d likely agree.

                You make a strangled noise as your brain buffers with a reply and your body just wants to jump in his lap. As you take in the sight of Hwa next to you, his hand on your knee, your mind flickers back to the snake tattoo that curls around his body. The mental image of running your fingers across it is in vivid colour.

                “I do want one,” You manage to say without stumbling over your words.

                Hwa flashes you a grin and leans forward. You realize with a jolt he’s going to kiss you. You place two fingers against his chest to stop him, your breathing unsteady and hands shaking slightly. He stops immediately.

                “It doesn’t bother you that I’ve seen your streams?” You ask, so close to him now that you can study his jawline, the pinkish hue of his lips and the way he is looking at you as if he can’t wait to taste you.

                “No. Why would it bother me?” Even though the music is loud, you can still somehow hear him as though your brain filters out everything but him. “Just means I don’t have to waste any time explaining who I am and what I like to do.”

                Another mental image of his hand stroking his cock. You swallow hard, your fingers lowering back to your lap. There is no other excuse to wield, no other manner in which you can deny yourself the very thing you’ve wanted the most.

                “I guess that’s true,” You murmur as Hwa’s hand slowly moves up your leg, resting just at the bottom of your skirt where your thigh begins.

                Your brain finally gives up, throwing its hands in the air and retreating as Hwa presses his lips against yours. The sensation is like two planets colliding, your entire body is wrapped up in the feeling of Hwa kissing you. His hand presses down against your thigh, the coldness of his rings making goosebumps break out against your skin. His other hand brushes along the back of your neck as the kiss grows deeper.

                You’ve never done something like this, kissing someone you basically don’t know. Sure, you’ve watched Hwa on streams but that isn’t the same thing as knowing someone, is it? It isn’t as if he knew about you beforehand. But you’ve never desired anyone like you’ve lusted after Hwa through a screen and the idea of missing out on him when the universe sent him your way just doesn’t make any sense.

                You fend off a moan when Hwa’s tongue slips into your mouth and you can feel his piercing. How many times did you daydream about this? Too many to count.

                When he pulls away, his skin is slightly tinged with colour and the expression of lust is in his eyes. Knowing it is directed at you only furthers your desire.

                “Do you want to come back with me to my place?” He asks, a sentence that is so dreamlike you hope that you never forget it.

                That’s when the server interrupts the two of you, asking if everything is going okay. You can tell by the bored tone in their voice that two people making out in a booth is just a regular night.

                Both of you say that you’re fine. The server leaves and you try to steady your breathing.

                “Do you mind if I smoke?” Hwa asks.

                “I do, actually, I don’t love the smell when it’s right next to me,” You reply, knowing it would be easier just to say yes and go along with whatever Hwa wants due to your feelings for him but unable to do that to yourself.

                To your surprise, he grins again, that same quick as a dagger smile that threatens you to break every promise you’ve ever had with yourself.

                “That’s alright, I can have one on the walk home. Are you coming with me? We got interrupted before you could answer before.”

                As if saying no was ever an option.

                “Yeah, I’ll come with you,” You hesitate, “Are you sure you’re alright with my lack of experience?”

                “You’re hung up on it way more than me,” Hwa replies, “Like I said, it doesn’t bother me. You just tell me whatever you want to do tonight. You can decide.”

                This takes you by surprise. “I’m not very good at leading.”

                “You don’t have to lead. You just tell me what you want to try and we’ll try it. I’ll show you. If we start something and you don’t like it, you tell me and we switch to something else.” His tone is casual, without any shyness, proving how comfortable he is with his own body and sex, a far cry from yourself.

                But this is the same attitude you always have found so sexy on his streams. Having it directed at you is a bit mind melting. Combined with the proposition of doing whatever you have fantasized about with Hwa and you’re starting to wonder if you’ve just won the sexual lottery.

                “Oh, okay,” You reply simply, too tongued tied and overwhelmed to say anything else.

                “Do you want to stay here longer or are you ready to go?”

                “No, we can go. Thanks for showing me this place but I don’t think I’ll ever come back here.”

                Hwa laughs at this as he slides out of the booth. He says something but it’s swallowed up by the music. He extends his hand again towards yours to help you out and then motions to the back of the VIP area.

                “There’s a back exit so you don’t have to cut through downstairs again. I’ll show you.”

                Following after Hwa, your eyes skim along the length of his back to his small waist. The nerves are buzzing now, the idea that you’re actually going to mess around and most likely fuck him starting to settle in with amazing clarity. You can taste him in your mouth from the earlier kiss and you seem to be emotionally leaping from open desire to pure anxiety.

                Hwa pushes the back door open and you trail after him onto a small metal balcony with a staircase leading to the alley. The rain has stopped and everything shines in the city lights, the puddles a multi coloured collection of neon signs and street lamps.

                Once you’re in the alleyway with Hwa, he pulls out a small box of cigarettes from the pocket of his jeans as well as the lighter he collected earlier. The flame flickers brightly in the darkness as he lights the tip of his cigarette and takes a drag off it, tilting his face away from you while blowing the smoke out from in between those plump lips of his.

                “Here, stand on this side of me so the wind blows it away from you,” He says as the two of you leave the alley.

                “You seem to have practice with this. I guess because of your roommate?” You regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth because it brings up the fact you watch his streams and know more about him than he knows about you.

                “Yeah, Hongjoong doesn’t like it at all which I get. That’s one of the reasons I started streaming. The nighttime walks to smoke could be kinda boring.”

                “What are the other reasons?” You ask curiously.

                He glances at you out of the corner of his eye before going, “I like attention.”

                Which you had gathered. In some ways, you envy Hwa and his love of attention because you spend so much of your time hiding from it.

                “You never get self conscious on the streams?”

                You move around a large puddle on the sidewalk, almost losing your footing. Hwa’s hand goes to your back, an anchor that helps you steady yourself. The cigarette is in between his lips and he’s covered in a blue neon light from another bar.

                “No,” He says, the two of you frozen in place on the sidewalk as a car drives by, blasting muffled music, “Why would I? I know every single person watching my stream wants to fuck me. It’s a confidence booster more than anything.”

                You suppose that he also means you. Feeling your cheeks get hot, you straighten up and continue walking. Hwa brings his slender fingers to the cigarette, exhaling again and waving away any errant smoke that might drift in your direction. You wonder what it’s like to be so comfortable in your own skin like Hwa is.

                “Do you live far from here?”

                “No, about a ten minute walk. What about you?” He asks.

                “Yeah, I took an Uber here. Twenty minutes or so not accounting for traffic.”

                “Far enough away that we wouldn’t run into one another. Which leads me to another question.”

                “What?” You ask nervously.

                “Did you know we lived in the same city? I do what I can to try to make my location vague but if you live in the city and you watch my streams, you must have seen something that made you realize it.”        

                You’ve been honest the entire night so why lie now? “I did know, yeah. But I wasn’t about to…track you down while you were streaming or something. That felt completely out of bounds and creepy. The city is teeming with people. I told myself there is just no way I’d ever run into you. Did you ever think about what it would be like to run into someone who watched your streams?”

                “I assumed no one would actually admit to it even if I did run into someone. Admitting it means possibly admitting to sticking around when I switch to members only and watching me jerk off on camera as well as going on a website that is just full of cam shows. But I guess I was wrong because you told me.”

                “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

                “I wouldn’t be taking you back to my place if anything you did made me uncomfortable,” He replies, stopping at the crosswalk and looking at you. “Do you feel uncomfortable? You’re the one watching me jerk off on camera.”

                Flustered, you make another garbled noise before settling on, “I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just nervous.”

                “Due to your inexperience.”

                “That’s right.”

                “You always spend this much time in your own head?”

                “Basically. I spend a lot of time alone.”

                “Why’s that?”

                “Dunno, I just prefer it. People can be draining.”

                “You ever get lonely?”

                “Sometimes. I mean, that’s how I ended up on your stream. And why I kept going back,” You admit.

                “That and the fact you think I’m hot.”

                You’re starting to think Hwa enjoys flustering you. “Yes, that too.”

                The crosswalk light turns green and Hwa turns his attention back to the walk. For a few minutes, you’re both silent. However, it isn’t an awkward silence. Sure, you’re nervous about being around someone you want so badly. But there is a familiarity and ease to Hwa that makes things comfortable.

                “Can I ask you something else?”

                Hwa replies, “You don’t have to preface everything with that. You can ask me anything. I’m an open book.”

                “Why?” You go warily, “Why are you so open with me?”

                “I told you. I’ve never had anyone know about my cam shows. It’s a big facet of my life because I like doing them and it’s a secondary income. I’m not embarrassed but it’s a personal thing to tell someone what I do on those streams. No one else knows how far I go. Hongjoong is aware I casually go live but not the stripping, the jerking off, the dirty talk. A part of you ends up hidden even if you don’t mean to. But you know that part of me – you know that part of me first over anything else. Feels freeing.”

                You’re surprised by his answer but reassured that telling Hwa you watch his cam shows had been the right choice. You’re off the main road now, walking down a side street together that leads to a block of apartment buildings. You can hear another round of storms kicking up in the distance.

                “Well, my question isn’t that exciting. I was just wondering what you did outside of streaming for money.”

                “Like my job?”

                “Yeah.”

                “I’m actually the heir to a chain of grocery stores so I get money from my parents.”

                Confused, your steps slow as you look at him. But Hwa laughs loudly, shaking his head at your expression.

                “I’m joking, I’m joking. Can you imagine something like that? Sounds preposterous,” He drops the cigarette underneath his shoe, crushing it into a puddle. “Honestly, I got a collection of random stuff I do. Delivery driver, sometimes I use my car to do Uber drives, part time jobs here and there, just whatever catches my interest and gives me enough money to pay what I need to. The streaming is just one of the sources of income.”

                He stops in front of a nondescript apartment complex that is three floors. Underneath the streetlight, he leans against the crumbling wall in front of the building, an indication that this area was once fancier before it fell into a state of disrepair.

                “What were you saying to me before we left the club?” You ask, remembering how you couldn’t hear him over the noise.

                “Oh? Just that you were unbelievable. I like how honest you are. You didn’t try to drink through a misguided notion to try to impress me. You tell me that you don’t want me smoking next to you. You tell me the club sucks.”

                “I don’t think I used that exact phrasing,” You reply.

                He is grinning again. “Well, the intention is still the same. I like that you weren’t trying to hide anything about who you are just because you like watching my streams.”

                “It didn’t cross my mind,” You admit a bit sheepishly.

                His smile fades, his look becoming serious while studying you, making your heart race. “C’mere,” Hwa says, motioning for you to get closer.

                You do, and the thunder crackles in the distance, a little louder this time. Hwa places one hand on your waist, and the other on your cheek, his thumb grazing your skin. Your body reacts to him immediately. The pure desperation is reaching a boiling point. All your earlier fantasies of Hwa treating you like you’re his little whore float to the surface.

                This time, when he kisses you in the silence of the street, you melt into him. His hand moves from your waist to lower back to better angle you against his body. You reach upwards, fingers slipping through the fishnet top, pressing against the hard muscles underneath the thin fabric of his black tank top.

                When the kiss breaks, it is as if you are coming up for air after diving very deep into the ocean. Hwa’s black hair is glowing from the streetlight, his eyes heavy with desire.

                “Uhm, is your…is your roommate home?” You ask. Are we gonna have to be quiet? is what your question actually means.

                “Nah, Hongjoong works overnights. He won’t be back until seven,” He lowers his face, mimicking his posture from earlier in the club when the music was too loud, “That means you don’t have to worry about being quiet when I make you cum.”

                Oh, I don’t think I’m gonna survive this, you think as his words make your breath catch and brain buzz. He is holding your hand again, cutting across the parking lot towards one of the apartments on the bottom floor. Unlocking the door, you step inside after him, thinking about how many streams you’ve seen where he covered the camera.

                The apartment is small, well lived in but clean. The kitchen is even smaller; it could probably only hold one person in it to cook at a time. A bedroom door on the right is swung open and you know immediately it isn’t Hwa’s.

                “Do you want anything to drink?” He offers over his shoulder while walking to the bedroom on the left, near the kitchen.

                “I’m okay,” You reply, walking into his room for the first time.

                It’s exactly how it looks in the streams but from this angle, you see things that are not typically shown on camera. There is a small corkboard behind the stand for his phone that is filled with polaroid pictures of Hwa with his friends. There are actually too many photos to fit the board and they overflow, pinned to the border. You know it is positioned behind the camera for privacy reasons and you’re aware that you’re now seeing things meant for people only in Hwa’s life, not through a screen.

                Hwa turns on the projector light of stars, a familiar motion made entirely brand new from the fact you’re currently standing in his room. The lava lamp had been left on and the inky blobs move slowly. He turns to face you and the worlds of offline and online seem to collide. You suddenly find it difficult to speak, your shyness getting the best of you now that the objection of your desire has you alone in his bedroom.

                You motion to his computer. “How come you never upload your music online?”

                “I do. I just don’t link to it on streams.”

                “Why not?” You are curious, wondering why he wouldn’t use his following to promote his music.

                “Because everyone on stream wants to fuck me and that’ll cloud their judgement over the music. They’ll just tell me it’s great just because they know I made it.”

                “That’s not true,” You say but Hwa raises one eyebrow at your unconvincing tone.

                He moves closer to you, his hands going to your waist as he pulls you towards him. “Is that right?”

                “Sure. Play some right now and I’ll tell you it’s shit.”

                Hwa laughs, his perfectly white teeth and tongue piercing glinting in the dark lights of the bedroom. The longer this conversation goes on, the less you feel confident in being able to continue it due to how you are mentally screaming for him to touch you more. A couple of kisses aren’t enough. You want all of him, you want him to do everything to you.

                He kisses you then. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His tongue is in your mouth, his hands staying on your waist. As the kisses deepen, grow more urgent, the nerves still flutter in your stomach, making you a bit distracted.

                It must show because when Hwa pulls away, he is studying your face through long lashes. “What are you thinking about?”

                “About ten thousand things at once.”

                “You overthink a lot, don’t you?”

                “Almost always, yeah.”

                “Have you ever been with someone and they just…made your brain shut off? Just stopped thinking completely because of how they were fucking you?”

                “I…ah…uhm…”

                “That’s a ‘no’,” Hwa retorts, and his hand is against your cheek, thumb brushing across your lips. He has an unreadable expression on his face but it’s making your heart thud heavily in your chest. “I can give you that. Would you like that?”

                Not that you doubt Hwa’s sexual prowess or his impact on your body but you do find the possibility of your brain being quiet for once highly improbable. But since your experience with sex is limited, maybe he could really do such a thing.

                “Sounds impossible but yes, I’d like that.” His thumb across your lips is distracting, making your earlier fantasies about sucking his dick return.

                “Tell me what you want to start with,” His voice is soft and in the silence of the room, it seems to slink down your back and make you shiver.

                “Will you just…uhm…kiss me again?” You’re too shy to ask him for anything more, the words stuck in your mouth.

                He brings his face to yours, kissing you slowly this time. You can feel this from the top of your scalp to the tip of your toes, sending your body alight with fresh desire. His hands move away from your waist to your lower back, not making any motion to remove your hoodie. As the kissing continues, each one growing deeper, Hwa takes a couple of steps back towards his bed. When he sits down, he pulls you into his lap, not stopping with the kisses the entire time.

                Your arms are back around his neck, sitting in his lap slightly turned so that your legs rest on his bed, too shy to suddenly straddle him. Hwa doesn’t seem to mind judging by the way one hand trails up along your legs to your thighs with his other hand against your back to hold you in place.

                He nips at your bottom lip with his teeth which makes your body shiver. His fingers dip just underneath the bottom of your skirt to touch your inner thigh. It’s a minor touch but feels like an earthquake inside your body. You’re almost embarrassed by how wet you are from almost nothing.

                You can tell Hwa is hard by the bulge pressing against your body so at least it isn’t just you being turned on. Nervously, you break the kiss, feeling too hot in the oversized hoodie. You tug it off over your head in an attempt to cool down, wearing just a regular t-shirt underneath. Hwa tosses the hoodie onto his computer chair before pulling you in for another kiss.

                His tongue in your mouth feels too good to be true and, unable to help yourself, you reach for his hand, bringing it upwards to one of your tits so he knows it is okay to touch you there. Hwa doesn’t miss a beat, immediately groping you through your shirt.

                Your own fingers are once again clinging to the fishnet shirt he has on. You hope he doesn’t notice your hands are shaking again.

                Hwa moves his head to your neck, biting down on the soft skin there with his teeth. A tiny groan escapes you which only makes him do it again.

                “Leave a mark,” You quietly beg, the words leaving your mouth before you even had time to question them, your head tilting back to give him more access.

                He sucks hard on your neck before biting down harder this time. The idea of having to cover up marks made by him come the next work day fills you with an excitement entirely new. Your hand is in his hair, silently urging him on as he moves to another spot of your neck to do the same.

                While doing this, Hwa brings his hand underneath your shirt to fondle your tits in your bra. It’s not enough and you make a noise of annoyance, tugging your bra down hastily so it’s around your waist. Normally, you’d be worried that you’re moving things too fast or should be taking things slower. But not with Hwa, not when you want to be consumed by him completely.

                He pinches one of your nipples, making you jump as he bites down on your neck. The sensations are intense; you didn’t think it was possible to be this wet. As he continues to fondle your bare tits, you remove your shirt, tossing it to the floor. Half dressed in Hwa’s lap while he is still fully closed, he brings his head down, sucking hard on your nipple with a soft pop when he pulls away. He moves his head to do the same to the other one, his tongue swirling around your nipple before sucking on it even harder.

                This time you groan and when Hwa moves his head away, there is a strand of spit from his bottom lip to your nipple.

                “You like that? Being pawed at like this?” He asks in a serious voice.

                You nod, your affirmative answer sounding a little bit higher pitch than normal.

                “Good girl,” He goes and the compliment makes your head spin, hitting a sweet spot in your brain that you didn’t even know you had, “You want me to keep doing this?”

                “N-no, I…” Here it is, your first actual request, as embarrassing as it feels to say it aloud, “I want to suck your cock,” When he nods, you reach out for his wrist, curling your fingers around it and shaking your head to indicate there’s more, “I…”

                “You don’t have to be shy with me,” Hwa murmurs, “We already know more about one another before we even met.”

                The words settle your nerves a little although you end up bringing your face close to his neck so he can’t look at you while whispering the fantasy in his ear. “I want you to put your cock deep in my throat. And I want…I want you to call me a whore and a slut during it.” Your face feels like it is on fire.

                Hwa shifts so that your face is moved away from him so he can look at you. You’re wiggling a little in his lap from the attention and the admission of what you want from him.

                “You want to be a good little whore for me and have my cock buried down your throat?” He asks and fuck if it doesn’t make you feel as if you’re turning into a feral thing in his lap hearing those words directed at you. “You like being called a whore?”

                “I – I’ve never been talked to like that from anyone else but I always think – I think about it with you.”

                Something lights up in Hwa’s eyes for a few seconds. “Oh, so you want to be my good little whore?” After you nod again, he goes, “I think I can give you that.”

                He carefully moves so that you’re off his lap while he throws a pillow onto the floor for your knees. It’s cold against your skin when you sink down onto it, still wearing your skirt. You’re both nervous and exhilarated. How many times have you thought about this?

                Hwa unzips his pants, removing them but leaves his boxers on, standing in front of you. Your heart is beating so fast that surely, it must be dangerous. Maybe fantasies coming true actually aren’t that good for you. You tilt your face back to look up at Hwa, still wearing his shirt and fishnet cover.

                “Pull down my boxers,” He says in the same stern yet soft tone.

                When you go to reach for them though, his eyes narrow for a second and he reaches for your hand, turning it so that the palm is facing upwards.

                “You’re trembling,” Hwa says and there is a small note of surprise in his voice, “Are you that nervous?”

                “It’s not just nerves,” You reply shyly, “It’s…I just…I’ve thought about this a lot. You…I’ve thought about you a lot.”

                Something shifts behind his eyes as he lets go of your hand, allowing you to continue. Tentatively, your fingers find the top of his boxers and you tug them down in a swift motion, exposing his hard cock.

                It isn’t as though this is the first time you’ve seen Hwa hard like this. But the fact you’re seeing him in person, and it’s all for you, makes you unable to hold back even a second longer. Leaning forward, you take the head of his hard cock into your mouth, rolling your tongue across the tip to taste his precum. Hwa inhales sharply at the touch. You realize he is giving you time to get used to him in your mouth so you drag your tongue along the underside of his shaft, one hand going to fondle his balls.

                Your blowjob experience is as limited as everything else you’ve done but Hwa’s breathing changes as you continue. At one point, you’re bobbing your head on his cock, cheeks hollow as you work on sucking him. When you pull him out of your mouth after that, however, you can feel his fingers gently rest on the back of your head so you go still.

                Hwa guides his cock back into your mouth, pushing further back until you gag and he pulls out. He doesn’t say anything but waits patiently for you to motion to continue. After you do so, his length fills your mouth and you press your tongue against his shaft, marveling at how much you enjoy it, how much you have wanted this.

                It must show on your face somehow because Hwa, in a taunt voice, goes quietly, “You like having your mouth stuffed full of my cock?”

                You make an affirmative noise, impossible to reply since your mouth is full. He rocks his hips a little, moving his cock deeper into your throat until it becomes too much for you, resulting in you pulling away with a tiny gasp. Precum and spit connect your lips to the tip of his cock, your eyes watering slightly as you look upwards at him.

                Hwa has one hand holding the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up a little to get a better angle at watching you deepthroat his cock. His gaze is lustful, his desire obvious as he studies your face.

                “Y-yes,” You mumble shyly, your underwear sticky against your pussy from how turned on you are.

                “Show me what you’ve thought about when you watch my streams,” His voice is soft, curling against a spot in your brain where all your fantasies about him are locked away, “Show me what you’ve thought about when you touch yourself to me and think about being my whore.”

                His cock is back in your mouth, your lips wrapped around his warmth as you take him deeper. When you gag this time, you don’t pull away and instead stop completely, trying to relax your throat around him. Hwa curses under his breath which only spurns you on more. With his cock in your mouth, your earlier anxieties about the entire situation are starting to fade, replaced by the reality of the situation – that you are here on your knees for Hwa, after all those times of watching him jerk off on streams.

                When he slips out of your mouth this time, the spit and precum drip off your chin onto your chest, running down your tits. You try to catch your breath for a couple of seconds before taking him back in your mouth, bobbing your head on his cock, taking his length deep each time.

                Hwa grunts, keeping his hips still even though you know he must want to drive his cock down your throat as fast and hard as possible. You get the sense he is holding back as to not overwhelm you, aware of your inexperience.

                You continue, not caring that you are making a big mess or that his cock is slick with your salvia and his precum. Hwa is breathing hard now which only makes you want to keep going. You’re determined to have him finish in your mouth after nights of thinking about what it would feel like to have him shoot his cum down your throat. After another moment where you gag after getting a little too excited, Hwa lets out a ragged gasp.

                Your eyes flick upwards then to see his grip on his shirt is tight, his chest rising and falling quickly. He seems to sense your gaze and looks down at you then, with your cheeks puffed out from his cock and a dollop of spit hanging off your chin.

                “Fuck, you’re gonna make me finish if you keep doing this,” He tells you, “I didn’t think you’d be such a cockwhore, gagging on me like that.”

                You slip his cock out of your mouth just enough to be able to talk, “I want you to cum in my mouth.”

                “Is that part of your fantasy?”

                “Yes.”

                “Alright, my little cockwhore, I’ll give you what you want,” Hwa goes, moving his hips a little to press the tip of his cock against your lips.

                You greedily accept him again, not caring that your tits are covered in a mess and it has probably covered your skirt too. As you slurp and suck on his cock, you drop one hand downwards underneath your skirt to press your clit through the fabric of your underwear. Hwa notices and pushes his cock down further – you can’t help yourself, you moan around him as your fingers brush your clit.

                “God, you are an absolute whore,” His voice sounds uneven and you know from watching his streams that he is close.

                You make a noise around his cock, a noise of approval, of contentment, and Hwa grunts as his cock buries itself in your throat and he begins to climax. As usual, he cums a lot, so much that it fills your mouth and makes you cough, your reflexes kicking in to pull away from him. But Hwa is still cumming, a hot strand against your chin, another one across your lips as he makes the most delicious sounds you have ever heard. Your fingers press down hard against your clit as his load fills your mouth, covers your face, gives you exactly what you have always gotten off to in the middle of the night.

                Hwa looks dazed, trying to come to his senses after the intensity of his orgasm as he tugs his boxers up. When he speaks, it is with great effort.

                “I’ll get you something to clean you up –”

                “No,” You say quickly, your voice sounding gummy from his load which you are still swallowing, “No – keep it on me.”

                The confession only seems to spark something in Hwa, who is staring at you with another expression on his face that you can’t read. He jerks his head to the direction of the bed and goes, “Get up there, if I don’t eat your cunt, I’m gonna start climbing the walls.”

                He reaches for you, helping you to your feet as your legs protest from the angle they had been in. While you get on his bed, Hwa is pulling the fishnet cover off followed by his shirt, leaving you with seeing his snake tattoo curling around his body for the first time in person. Your eyes trace the way it wraps around his torso, the manner in which the purple light of his room lays across his body. He kicks off his jeans, leaving just his boxers on. Then he is removing his rings, dropping them onto the night table. You take in the sight of every movement, so familiar but new at the same time.

                Hwa is crawling onto the bed now, tugging on your skirt. “You made a mess.”

                He isn’t wrong. Even in the low lights, you can see the skirt is covered in spit and his cum. For a split second, you are worried about how you’re going to get home and past your roommate with a skirt like this and it must show on your face because Hwa clicks his tongue piercing against the top of his mouth and reaches out for you, turning your face gently to meet his gaze.

                “No, you’re not overthinking again. I could tell there wasn’t a thought in your head except my cock just now and I’m going to take it one step further,” He is pulling your skirt off, landing in the pile of clothes on the floor, “I’m going to make my whore feel so good that there won’t be anything in your mind but pleasure. Look at how fucking soaked your underwear is,” He presses one long finger against your wet slit, the fabric damp, “You’re that turned on from sucking my cock?” You nod but Hwa shakes his head, “No, tell me.”

                “Y-yes,” Your face feels hot from the confession.

                He removes your underwear, pushing your legs apart to look at your pussy. You’ve never had anyone just look at your pussy before and you squirm underneath his gaze.

                “Your pussy is beautiful, look at how swollen and wet you are for me.” His fingers touch you now, spreading your pussy lips apart gently. “Can’t wait to have my cock in your tight hole. I’m going to just slide right in there because you’re so fucking wet.”

                You make a tiny noise and he looks up at you then. Some of his hair has fallen around his face, framing it, his eyes looking as serious as ever.

                “Tell me,” He says.

                Even though you’re embarrassed at your next request, you push through and manage to squeak out, “Will you spank it?”

                “You want me to spank your cunt?” He clarifies and when you nod, he laughs a little and replies, “Yeah, I’ll spank your cunt, whore. That something else you think about?”

                “Y-yes, with you.”

                “You think a lot of stuff about me, don’t you?”

                “Yes,” You say, shivering as Hwa brushes his fingers lightly over your pussy to tease you.

                “Because you want to be my whore. Just mine.”

                “Just yours.”

                He spanks your pussy then, a smack that isn’t too hard to make the pain blot out the pleasure. You gasp in surprise from it and Hwa spits in your hole before bringing his mouth around your clit. The sudden intensity has a loud noise escape from your mouth, louder than intended, but you are unable to help yourself. Hwa holds your legs apart as his tongue works against your clit.

                To make the pleasure borderline dizzying, you can feel his tongue piercing against it. How many times have you gotten off to such a thing? Too many to count.

                Hwa pulls away and brings his hand down sharply against your cunt again before plunging a finger into your hole. Your hips buck, a garbled noise leaving your mouth from all the different sensations occurring too quickly.

                “Fuck, you’re so wet. I didn’t think it was fucking possible to be this wet,” Hwa sounds almost gleeful as he inserts a second finger, “Hold your legs back for me like a good slut.”

                You obey, although it is difficult because everything feels so good that your hands sometimes almost slip. Spread out in front of Hwa, he brings his lips back to your clit, sucking on it hard, his tongue piercing pressed against your sensitive nub. You are making a lot of noise, pornographic noises as Hwa finger fucks you so fast that you can hear the lewd noises of your wet pussy squelching against his fingers.

                Hwa’s fingers are deep in your hole, curling upwards as he pumps them in hard and fast. His tongue flicks across your clit now. Your head rolls back, and Hwa is right – there isn’t a single thought in your head. The pleasure is too great.

                You hear him spit in your cunt before going back to your clit. He is finger banging you so hard and fast now that combined with his tongue on your clit, you’re going to cum. You try to tell him but all that leaves your mouth is gibberish.

                It must make sense to Hwa though because he goes, “I know, whore. I can tell you’re close,” His voice shakes from the force of his fingers pumping into your cunt and you can feel his eyes on you. “You’re a lot of fun to fuck, has anyone told you that? It’s okay, you don’t have to answer. I know you can’t. I can tell your brain is blank. I told you I could give you that. I never lie. You look perfect like this. You’re dangerous, you know that? I might be in love with you by the end of the night because you’re just too perfect and fuckable.”

                The words prove to be your tipping point. Your climax begins, your grip slipping on your legs as your juices gush out around Hwa’s fingers to the point where you think you’ve probably made a gigantic mess on his bed. But Hwa doesn’t seem to care and is instead making small noises of approval as you cum.

                His face is buried in between your thighs as his tongue sinks into your hole, lapping your cum up eagerly. You are breathless, your entire body warm and tingling from the intensity of the orgasm. Hwa begins to kiss upwards, along your thighs, stomach, nipples and then your neck. His skin is feverish against yours and when the next kiss begins, you succumb to him completely.

                He moves so that he is on his side, one arm along your waist as he turns you so that you’re facing him. Your tongue is in his mouth, your earlier anxiety about being with him like this long gone from how comfortable he has made you feel. The tips of his fingers trail up along your side until his hand is against your back. At the same time, he raises his knee up slowly in between your legs until your pussy is pressed against it.

                Before you can even question yourself, your body reacts accordingly and grinds down against his knee. You can feel Hwa smile against your mouth as he mumbles, “Oh, you’re a fast learner.”

                The compliment leaves you pleased, continuing to rub your swollen clit against his knee, knowing he is going to bring you to orgasm again. His room, which has always been a safe place whenever you watch him on streams, feels just as safe now, wrapped up in him.

                The movements are slower this time around, as if Hwa is aware that going with such intensity for so long is new to you. He adjusts his position to make it easier to grind against his knee, sucking hard on your neck to leave another mark.

                “Does that feel good?” He asks at one point and you manage to answer which he follows up with, “Do you want it to feel even better?”

                You are unsure how such a thing is possible but with Hwa, you’re ready to do basically anything he suggests.

                “I’m going to eat out that nice cunt of yours again while you suck on my cock,” His voice is soft, close to your ear as you rock your pussy against his knee, “Would you like to do that?”

                You’d by lying if you said no, having thought about this very position multiple times during all your fantasies. “Y-yes, I want to do that.”

                “Didn’t even have to think about it. Something you’ve thought about before then?” When you nod shyly, Hwa has that same pleased expression on his face, seeming to relish every filthy thought that has crossed your mind.

                A bit out of your element with this one, you are hesitant to sit on his face but Hwa shows no such similar feeling. As the two of you adjust positions, Hwa pulls down on your hips to bring your pussy against his face without a second thought, his tongue burying itself in your hole. The sudden intensity makes you gasp and squirm in surprise which only leads to Hwa making a sound of muffled approval.

                Trying to get your bearings while Hwa tastes your pussy, you tentatively lean forward towards his boxers. You can’t help yourself – your hands graze across his taunt stomach and along the snake tattoo with absolute relish, hardly believing that you are touching him. His muscles, always hard and on display whenever he shows off his body, are now underneath your fingers. There is no shyness with Hwa, just an enjoyment of sex, pleasure and attention which you both admire and desire at the same time.

                Lowering his boxers, Hwa’s cock springs free, heavy against his stomach. It is admittedly difficult to focus on the task at hand when Hwa’s tongue is all over your pussy although you notice he is avoiding your clit to give you time to adjust.

                Your hand wraps around his cock as you take him in your mouth for the second time tonight, somehow surpassing even your lowest expectations of how running into him could play out. As your tongue swirls around the head of his cock, Hwa moves his to your clit, making your body jerk against him reflexively. His hands glide to your hips, holding you in place while taking more of him in your mouth. You slide his length as far as it can go, maybe just overly excited to be sucking him off again, and when he hits the back of your throat, he slips out from in between your lips with a small gasp. Spit bubbles at the corners of your mouth and when you rub your hand across your lips, you leave a streak of drool and precum before taking him back in.

                At the same time, Hwa groans against your cunt as his tongue flicks across your clit for a few seconds until he switches to sucking it hard with a small popping noise when he releases his hold. The sound is lewd and he does it again, just to hear it before returning to licking the overly sensitive nub.

                One of your hands fondles his balls while sucking him, enjoying how it feels to have his cock in your mouth and how warm it is along your tongue. You bob your head on him as your spit runs down his length and onto his balls, making a mess. But you don’t stop, delirious between the pleasure of Hwa’s ministrations and his cock in your throat. He is slick with spit and precum and when Hwa flicks his tongue particularly hard, you end up taking more of him, gagging around it but keeping him still in your mouth. You try to relax your throat, letting him fill you up in a way that you’ve only dreamt about.

                Hwa grunts, lifting his hips up just enough so that you choke around his cock again. This time you pull back and his cock slips out from in between your lips, lubricated with a mess of salvia and his precum. Wrapping your hand around his dick, feeling the warmth in your hand, you jerk him off. Your hand slips across his skin easily and you can tell he is close to cumming again.

                So are you, for the matter, since Hwa has his face buried in your pussy and the pleasure he is experiencing doesn’t seem to slow him down for a second versus yourself. He sucks on your clit hard, his hands gripping your hips so that you can’t squirm away.

                Unable to help yourself, your pussy grinds against his face. He seems to be getting off on being smothered by you, not stopping for a second, chasing your orgasm more than his own. You stop jerking him off to swallow his cock, taking as much as you can just as your climax begins. Your moans are a wet garbled mess against his cock. The pleasure is so intense that you know you’re making a mess all over Hwa’s beautiful face. But it seems to be the very thing that makes him finish as well. With one final buck of his slender hips, he is cumming once more in your mouth. From the angle this time, the cum spills out from in between your lips, down across his length as you try to swallow as much as the hot load that you can.

                When you finally pull your head off his cock, your legs feel like jelly and every nerve in your body feels overstimulated. Gingerly rolling off him, you collapse onto the bed and give a small shake of your head, closing your eyes and panting, “Need a break.”

                “Are you okay?” Hwa asks, sounding just as dazed as you feel.

                “Y-yeah, just…haven’t had…this many orgasms so close together and done this much in such a short amount of time,” You manage to say in between catching your breath.

                He rearranges himself so that he is laying next to you, also panting quietly. You can’t even imagine how you both look, a mess of sex and cum swathed in purple hues. For a while, neither of you speak. Your entire body is tingling, your legs like jelly. Typically, you weren’t one for just openly laying naked to someone after fooling around, usually wanting to run and cover yourself.

                But you feel at ease with Hwa, which surprises you given the fact you have been lusting and daydreaming about him for so long through a screen. Hwa, of course, gives no thought to being openly naked. You doubt he has ever experienced a moment of self consciousness in his entire life.

                He rolls onto his side to face you, staring at you with cat eyes in the dark. You tilt your face in his direction. The butterflies that had been sleeping through all the various forms of oral sex and fingering that occurred are now starting to stir.

                Some of Hwa’s hair sticks to his forehead, his lithe body draped across the sheets, the snake curling across his side and disappearing onto his back. His lips are slightly swollen and you know he is smeared in your cum but he doesn’t seem to care. He is entirely at ease, forever comfortable in his skin.

                You turn onto your side as well, close enough to touch him but neither reaches out for one another. In the silence of his room, you can hear that the storm must have begun at some point during all the sex but you hadn’t even noticed.

                “What is it?” You ask nervously, unsure why he is looking at you in that way.

                “Does it make you uncomfortable if I look at you?”

                You think for a moment before answering, “No. I just get nervous.”

                “Why?”

                “I don’t know. You might change your mind about what we are doing.”

                “You think we’ve literally and figuratively come this far and I will decide not to fuck you?”

                “Maybe.”

                He laughs quietly as if the entire suggestion is hilarious. His hand brushes across your side up along your arm. The touch is as light as a feather but you feel it down in your core.

                “No, I’m having too much fun with you,” He replies, “You weren’t thinking, were you? Earlier.”

                “No, I wasn’t,” You admit, “True to your words.”

                Hwa props himself up a little to look at you. His gaze is enough to melt you into the mattress. His hand presses softly onto your side so that you lay down on your back, looking upwards at him. His fingertips trail down across your stomach, making you shiver. He seems to be mentally filing away everything that elicits a reaction from you.

                You reach upwards for him, pulling Hwa towards your body so that your lips are on his. His hair is bunched up in your hands as the kiss deepens. You can taste yourself on his lips; can he taste himself on yours? When the kiss ends, your hands move down his back, across the warm skin there. His eyes are a heavy thing on your body as you cast a look downward at his.

                Your fingers are moving along his snake tattoo, something you have seen so many times on your phone screen now in front of you. Your hands trace the way it moves down from his shoulder, admiring the way it lays across his hips up to his stomach.

                You are fairly confident that Hwa somehow knows what you’re thinking about and that is why he doesn’t speak, content to let you touch him like this.

                That’s when the power goes out, the lightning flashing brightly through the closed window and the thunder making the walls rattle, ushering in darkness. The purple light which you have grown so accustomed to over both the camera and reality is snuffed out like a flame.

                “Oh,” You say quietly in surprise.

                Hwa’s hold on your side tightens for a second to reassure you that he is still there. Once again you are pulling him back down for a kiss. His lips still find yours in the darkness, his tongue in your mouth as he angles his body to press against yours. A sizzle seems to shoot up your spine – it is as if the darkness makes it easier to speak, to think, without seeing Hwa directly and having that attention on you.

                Hwa’s hands are running across your body, touching you all over carefully, waiting for you to signal that you’re ready to keep going. His lips are back on your neck as he nibbles there, adding more marks to the collection. Emboldened by the darkness, your hand covers one of his and pulls it upward toward your neck.

                He pauses, lifting his head up from your neck. You can feel his steady breath against your skin, can hear the low timber of his voice against the backdrop of the storm when he goes, “Tell me.”

                “Squeeze my neck,” You murmur and Hwa does so, his hand tightening around your skin.

                Your eyes flutter closed at the sensation. He is so close to you now that your body is starting to scream for him once more but he seems content to keep you lusting for him in the darkness.

                “Do you like that?”

                You nod, knowing he can feel the motion.

                “You like being treated like this by me?”

                Another nod.

                His breathing is changing. Subtle, just enough for you to realize how much he is enjoying how you submit to him, that you’ve touched yourself to him doing these things to you before the two of you even met.

                “You really are just a perfect little whore,” Hwa says, releasing his hold just enough for you to sharply inhale and then he tightens once more, “It’s a shame I can’t see you right now, see how beautiful you look with my hand around your neck.”

                He lets go, fully removing his boxers, the ruffle of fabric as it is tossed onto the floor before he shifts onto your body. It is an intoxicating sensation to have him skin to skin and your hands curl around his shoulders as your legs wrap around his small waist.

                His cock is hard pressing against your thigh. The next kiss is messier, his spit in your mouth, his entire being taking over all your senses. Unable to see him, you have to go off the other senses like the small grunt of approval he makes when you arch your hips in a silent plea to fuck you and the ragged change of his breathing.

                Hwa slips inside you easily from all the orgasms, your pussy slick with your wetness and his spit. He fills you to the hilt, his hips meeting yours as you take his entire cock in one swift motion. Your head rolls back, a moan toppling from in between your swollen lips as your hold onto his shoulder tightens.

                He curls around your body, gripping the sheets next to your head as he slowly thrusts in your cunt. You no longer feel like yourself but instead as a being intertwined with Hwa so that your senses overlap with one another. Hwa curses quietly and bites down on your earlobe, giving it a sharp tug with his teeth.

                “My whore,” He growls in your ear with a sort of lust you’ve never heard from anyone else before especially directed at you, “You feel so good wrapped around my cock.”

                His lips find yours and you tug on his bottom lip with your teeth which elicits a groan of approval of him. The kiss deepens, his tongue is in your mouth, and you can feel some spit getting on your chin. You don’t even know who it belongs to and you don’t care. You’re bucking your hips to meet his ever quickening thrusts, your bodies growing hot together as the fucking continues.

                “Say it again,” You plead in a broken voice and you don’t need to clarify what you’re asking to be repeated.

                “My whore,” He grunts and thrusts particularly hard, driving his cock deeper in your soaking wet cunt, “You going to let me fuck you again after this? No more needing to watch my streams, I’ll fuck you into my fucking mattress any time you want.”

                The words are too good to be true and you hope he isn’t just saying them because of how turned on he is. Your reply is a broken plea, half gibberish, half words and Hwa pushes away from you, grabbing your legs and bringing your feet onto his shoulders.

                He leans forward, folding you like a doll as his hips snap against yours at a brisk pace. Your pussy is obscenely wet and you can hear it even if you cannot see him. Unable to hold onto Hwa, your hands grip the bedsheets so hard that they might tear.

                “Hwa,” You gasp out and he knows – he knows because his hands are back around your neck and he’s fucking you into the bed, squeezing your throat while pounding into your cunt.

                “You like when I choke you like this, you little whore? I know you do. I don’t even need to see your face to know how much you love it. I can tell by how your pussy tightens around me, by your whimpers and moans,” He says in an unsteady voice, sounding like sandpaper as his own orgasm draws just as close as yours, “Fuck, your pussy feels so good. Where do you want my load? You already took two of them down your throat, my slut.”

                Hwa lets go of your neck but his pace is relentless. You are seconds away from finishing but manage to gasp out, “In my pussy, finish in my pussy. Choke me while I cum.”

                Hwa, just like the rest of the night, where he has maintained the illusion of control while you’ve been the one in command, obeys. His hands are back where they belong and with one final thrust, you’re climaxing yet again.

                “F-fuck,” He grunts, “You’re too tight clamping down on me like that –” His hands are off your neck, gripping the bed sheets next to your head once again.

                Hwa shudders as he unloads in your cunt, filling you up with his warmth as you rock your hips against him, making sure that every drop of his cum is inside you. The two of you are making a ton of noise together as the final climax of the night goes on. Hwa pulls away from you so that your legs flop against the bed and his hands move to your back, pressing you against him.

                He is kissing you as your climax winds down. Your bodies are slick with sweat, a collection of limbs wrapped around one another as if one of you, both of you, are afraid to lose each other in the darkness. As your intense orgasm begins to subside, Hwa lowers his head against your chest. The sound of your panting fills your ears; it feels as if you just ran a race.

                Perfectly timed, the power returns. The purple light fills the room, making you wince as your eyes grow adjusted to the soft hue. Hwa carefully untangles himself from you, sitting up and running his fingers through his hair. His back is to you, the snake once again in your clear view.

                His cum is smeared against your thighs, leaking out from in between your folds. You have never had this many orgasms in one night before and your entire body is exhausted.

                Hwa slips out of the bed, opening the door and leaving, giving no care to his nakedness on display. You can see a light flick on in the kitchen, spilling into the narrow hallway as he rummages around for water. When he returns, he has two bottles as he shuts the door again before getting back into bed.

                You prop yourself up, uncapping the water and drinking half of it promptly. Hwa finishes his entire bottle in a few gulps before turning his attention to you, who is now preoccupied with trying to get the sheet to cover up your body a bit.

                “Getting modest on me?” He asks, still slightly of breath.

                Your face grows warm at his words, grows warmer when he moves closer to you, draped out across the bed. Now that you can see him again, and his full attention is on you with no buffer, you feel shy – utterly ridiculous given what you just spent ages doing with him.

                “Did you mean what you said?” You ask suddenly.

                He raises one eyebrow, and distantly you think he would look good with a piercing there too. “Be a little more specific?”

                Your grip tightens around the water bottle and it crackles a little from the pressure. “About us doing this again. About me being your….” You trail off, swallowing hard.

                Hwa breaks out in a slow grin and goes, “Yeah, I meant it. I think we could have a lot of fun together,” He hesitates, the first time since meeting him, and adds, “I think it could be more than fun, if you understand what I mean.”

                You did and it is enough to capitulate your heart into the stratosphere. He leans forward and his lips are against yours in the softest kiss of the night. The hold on the water bottle lessens as you melt into it, into him. His hands are on your cheeks, thumbs brushing your skin. When the kiss breaks, there is a shifting of energy that feels almost like a release of all the tension and anxiety that has bubbled in your chest ever since you stumbled into his stream all that time ago.

                “My little whore,” Hwa says so affectionally that it feels like a cosmic shift in the usage of the word forever.

                And he kisses you again.

Tags: @thewonderofkpop - @obligatoryidolblog - @yunhofingers - @foggyinternetchaos - @multiland - @whatudowhennooneseesyou - @jess-1404 - @just-here-to-read-01 - @likexaxdaydream - @senpai-of-doom - @halazea - @moonsangie - @lilhwahwa - @btsreader12 - @talkbykhalid - @pyeonghongrie-main - @inneratinyrebel - @8tinytings - @cherrypandora - @almondmilkeu - @kitten4sannie - @leo-seonghwa - @silentcry329 - @shesinthrain - @xirenex - @meowmeowminnie - @lvnateez - @byungaji - @rxnexxi - @mulletjoonsupremacy - @carodrug - @seonghwasstar - @hongjoongswifefr - @prettybabyme - @bubbleteakittyy - @markleecankickme

[alyxia91]

Hands - Osamu Miya x You

Osamu prided himself on his hands. They provided delicious, nutritious food to loyal customers, they built a business from nothing, they protected those dear to him...they protected you. You, who had come flying into his life with spectacular soft colours and peaceful energy right when his life seemed the most chaotic. You kept the world from being overwhelming, kept his mind from wandering away, and kept old insecurities at bay.

So why, why were these hands that were made to protect you, causing you so much pain. It had been completely unintentional - he didn't realize you had left the comfort of the couch and come up behind him. He had been so wrapped up in the argument you'd been having, his ears completely ignoring the sound of the floorboards shifting under the weight of your footsteps as you approached him. He'd turned so suddenly, another point to prove how right he was and how wrong you were coming to the forefront of his mind. Just as suddenly as it had come though, it left with the sound of a smack and the stinging sensation left behind by the contact of his palm to your cheek.

Silence engulfed the room where there had previously been nothing but raised voices, shock stunning both of you. What now? You'd never been in this situation; and while you wholeheartedly believed Osamu would never hurt you, the reality of the stinging in your cheek proved otherwise. All you knew for certain, was that you weren't able to look him in the eye, humiliation washing over you as tears started to gather in your eyes.

"No...babe...I didn't...you...you were over there, I didn't know you came over here..." Osamu started, desperate to make you realize this was an accident. That he would never hurt you, much less physically attack you. You needed to understand; you were everything. He'd give his life for you in a moment, it wouldn't even be a question. Every worst case scenario raced through his mind as he watched you process what had happened.

'Please....please don't leave me' raced through his head. He'd seen couples break up for less, and while he knew he would love you for the rest of his life, relationships are not guaranteed.

Your silence was the single most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced. Tears swelled in his eyes, overflowing and pouring over faster than he could register they were even there. Every muscle in his body was screaming at him to hold you, pull you in and whisper apologies and promises...anything to make you understand he did not mean it.

At the sight of his tears, you snapped out of your haze. Sure, your cheek stung, but you doubted there would be a bruise. He hadn't really SLAPPED you...even in your state you knew that that had been a completely unintentional hit. You were stunned, not stupid. Taking in his state, your hands came up to cup his cheeks,

"'Samu, breathe baby. I'm okay, it doesn't even hurt"

"You...you weren't here. You weren't that close to me" he said through deep breaths, desperately trying to calm himself down. If he never felt that fear again, it would be too soon.

"I know. I know baby. I'm not mad, I'm not leaving" you tried your best to reassure him, but the sight of him, your 'Samu crying was breaking your heart. The tears that had swelled in your eyes finally pushed over, unable to stay back with the worry.

"I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry. I'd never do that, I'd never hurt you. Please tell me you know that, please"

"I do. I know it was an accident. I promise I do" you said, tipping his face towards you to lightly kiss his lips. You saw his shoulders drop, some of the tension leaving his body as you placed feather light kisses across his lips.

Hesitantly, his hands came up to hold your face, being extra gentle on the side he'd hit you. Touches so light you barely felt them, he traced his thumb over your cheek as he started to return your kisses. Whispers of "I'm sorry" left his lips each time they detached from yours, and even more "I love you"s passed in the air between you. Slowly he pulled you towards him, one arm dropping to prop itself securely on your waist. Your arms wrapped around his neck, body pulling up to your tiptoes to hug his to you.

Eventually Osamu pulled away, resting his face on your shoulder, deep breath stabilizing his racing heart. One final "I'm sorry babe" left his lips, an extra tight squeeze to convey the sincerity behind his words. You couldn't help but return the gesture, squeezing tight in leu of verbal forgiveness.

Eventually, the exhaustion from the argument and the aftermath settled on the two of you, your body slumping against Osamu's much sturdier one. With a small smile gracing his lips, Osamu tapped the back of your thighs, and allowed a little room for you to jump up into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist. As he walked you to your shared bedroom, you busied yourself pressing soft kisses to his throat, hands moving up to run through his deliciously soft hair.

Falling onto the bed with you, Osamu nestled himself on top of you, his head now laying comfortably on your chest. His hands - those wonderful hands - smoothed over your sides, touching the skin beneath your t-shirt. They shook slightly, something you'd missed when he'd held you, too preoccupied with the thought of simply being in his arms.

"'Samu? You okay? You're shaking"

"'M fine"

"'Samu.." you whispered, a slightly pleading edge to your voice. While you didn't like to beg, you disliked the idea of secrets even more, especially after something like tonight.

"...I was so scared Angel. I don't know what I would do if I'd lost you. You're everything to me, you have to know that, and I hurt you" he whispered against your collarbone, hands gripping your sides a little tigher.

"Babe, you can't beat yourself up over this. I know it was an accident. It's no different then the time you accidently hit me with that volleyball -"

"You said you'd be able to receive it"

"-and I did -"

"Your face does not count as a proper receive"

"-the POINT is that accidents happen. You are not a bad person because of this. I don't trust you any less, nor am I scared of you. You are still the strongest, most amazing person I know, and I have no doubt that you will protect me from anything" you said, grabbing one of his hands and kissing the palm to emphasize your point "I trust these hands to keep me safe. I always have, and that hasn't changed"

Looking up at you, Osamu's cheeks tinted pink at the intimate gesture. Placing his hand on your cheek again, he brought himself up to kiss you, a soft yet passionate kiss. A kiss to whisper eternity to you; eternity of love and protection.

"They're yours Angel. As long as you want them"

Osamu Miya prided himself on his hands. They fed you, kept you warm, kept you with him when you went for walks, pulled you to him when you needed reassurance or just wanted a hug, and his hands brought you indescribable pleasure. His hands held his love for you, in any way you would be willing to receive it (but not with a volleyball).

[alyxia91]

Suggestions?

Anyone have suggestions for good smut stories? Primarily Haikyuu or BHNA? I’m talking good long stories, something to pull me in and make me regret being born in this world, you know?

Or things that inspire! Maybe writing something would be beneficial? 

Life kinda sucks and I need to escape for a little bit

[alyxia91]

I’m not sorry.

[alyxia91]

This was

So. Damn. Good.

You can’t outrun who you really are.

[alyxia91]

[10:57 PM] — MIYA ATSUMU

wc: 1002

warnings: mm this is nothing but fluff but there are mentions of insecurities.

a/n: i wrote this last night and listened to mitski while writing this. haha definitely didn’t cry to mitski while writing this. anyways im finally taking request for real this time. yeah. so send em. anyways i hope u enjoy this <33.

Atsumu Miya’s falling in love.

He’s not exactly sure when this feeling began, but he feels fairly certain he has been feeling this way since meeting you.

A steady flow of rain falls from your bedroom window, and as the night lamp's light spreads down the street, it glows gold. A heavy bank of clouds hovers over the city, giving it a deep, indigo wash of color. Despite being just before sunset, it looks much later than it is.

It's pitch black in your bedroom, and the night light your boyfriend bought you gives off a feeble apricot glow that casts elongated shadows across everything in the room: the walls, the ceiling, and your boyfriend.

Thunder rumbled and rain beamed, but even with the weather being gloomy, Atsumu still came over.

You see, there’s nothing more you hated than thunder. It was impossible for you to fall asleep when the rain poured, and even though many say the rain soothes them into sleep, you felt the opposite.

So, you called Atsumu. The only person you knew would put up with your bullshit.

Sincerely, you thought he would taunt you and call you childish, but he didn't do so. Your call already prompted him to get on his way and he announced that he already was.

Now you lay huddled under the blanket with your boyfriend, his muscular arms tight around your waist, his hand gently pressing against your back. Wrapping your arms around the man's neck, you bury your face in the crook of his neck, and his scent fills the air; he smells sweet. You breathe in the man as thunder roars, tightening your grip on him.

None of you say anything. It's quiet between you two, but a comforting silence. The feeling of safety fills your soul, surrounded by the things you love most; the comfortable silence, the scent of your cuddled man, and your boyfriend, who was unwaveringly yours.

When the rain and thunder start to subside, you let go of his grasp, watching the moon rise in the sky as the wind’s breeze filled your ears. Your attention turns to your boyfriend, who is staring at you with a serious expression.

“‘Tsumu? What’s wrong?” Worriedly, you asked.

While Atsumu does a pretty good job of understanding his emotions (or at least tries his best to), he can't describe the feeling emanating from his chest for some reason. All he knows is that your mere gaze evoked this sensation and you’re the first ever person that has made his chest feel this way.

Is there anything wrong? No… at least, he doesn’t think so. It’s just, he’s falling for you. Pretty damn hard. Perhaps it's the fact that he's only been dating you for 6 months and he’s already contemplating marriage. Maybe it’s the fact that when you look at him like that — with so much tenderness and affection, he can’t help but to feel butterflies in his stomach.

He doesn’t feel wrong about it, he just doesn’t understand what he did for the universe to gift him with someone so bright. To gift him with you.

Straightening up, he admits, "I don't understand this life," The man spoke with a monotone voice and gave an extended pause then he added, "and why we’re all here."

Softly smiling, you gaze into Atsumu's eyes. His expression was sincere and you can't help but intertwine your fingers with his. You gently stroke his knuckles with your thumb as you await his next words.

“All I know is that,” Then once again, he pauses.

Should he open up all of a sudden? He doesn’t want to scare you away. That’s the last thing he’d want. However, he just can't escape the feeling in his chest and the thoughts in his head that demand that all his love be poured out for you.

“That?” Your eyes adjust to his, giving him a reassuring smile as if to encourage the man to continue.

“That... when your hand’s in mine, those questions in my head… they disappear.”

Your features soften as your hand, which was once entwined with his, reaches for his face and gently cups it. Then it hits you; Atsumu must’ve been feeling this way for a while. It can be felt in every inch of his body: from the way he leans into the touch of your hand, to the way he closes his eyes slowly and the sigh he releases with contentment. The feeling of belonging is strong for him. And you heart melts at the sight.

For you to make someone feels this way — to make him feel this way. All you want is for him to feel good about himself all the time.

“I may not understand this life, but when I’m with you… I don’t know… I just feel complete.”

You could only embrace him and kiss his forehead at that point.

“Can I tell you something?”

Atsumu may not show it, but he is a worrier and an overthinker. Amidst the playful and charming facade, he's a man who's filled with doubt and insecurity.

EIther way, Atsumu nods. It’s a rather nervous one because hell, he just told you some deep shit and wasn’t sure how you’d react. But when you crawled into his lap and rested your head on his shoulder with your arms wrapped securely around his neck — your own special way of reassurance — he knows he has nothing to worry about.

"I've been feeling the same way, Tsumu." and there it was — a sigh of relief from the man you were falling for. Once again, you cupped his cheek while your head moved from his shoulder. A single tear fell from his cheek, and you kissed the tear away, wiping it away with your thumb. “I’m falling for you. Real hard.”

He sniffles, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Atsumu’s falling in love.

He's learned that despite his occasional insecurities, he deserves this — he deserves you and your love.

He couldn’t be happier with the way life is right now. Even if life was confusing sometimes.

𝗿𝗲𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 <𝟯.

[alyxia91]

In A Million Years

Soft Bakugou, because there’s something I love about the thought of this tough guy absolutely melting for someone. I’m sorry it’s kind of a long, slow-burn. I ramble. I’m working on it.

When you first met Bakugou, you were undeniably intimated. How could you not be? He was anger, pride and explosions personified. You wondered if standing too close was a hazard to your health, if not physically, mentally. But as time went on and you became more accustomed to his personality, you found that that red hot anger wasn’t scorching you, rather drawing you in and keeping you warm. Small, barely there conversations in passing grew enough to where you could confidently say he was a friend, and someone you relied on - you hoped he felt the same.  You didn’t notice the sideways glances he would send your way, or the faint blush that would flush across his face whenever you smiled at him. How he wished he would be the only one you smiled at, the only one to hold your attention. But you were too nice, while not overly popular by the typical standard, it was fair to say everyone liked you, including the explosive future hero. Those feelings only continued to grow as you progressed through your years at UA, both of you drawing closer and closer to each other subconsciously. He didn’t notice that he spoke to you differently, softer than anyone else; and you never realized that you were almost always touching him in some way - a hand on his arm, fingers brushing against each other.

Neither of you noticed that you’d fallen in love with each other.

It wasn’t until a fight against the League of Villains that those feelings were violently pushed to the forefront, when you got seriously injured.

The fight had been typical, if not chaotic. Everyone was doing their best to keep themselves alive while fighting. You were no different, your shadow fiends fighting at a distance while you kept up inn hand-to-hand combat. Thank God you practiced against Bakugou frequently - otherwise you doubted you’d be able to keep up. The years of training also prevented too much energy being wasted keeping your multiple shadow fiends active - it was a skill you wanted to grow further. You’d gone up from having one out for a few minutes to having multiples out for hours. Right now, you had 13 running around fighting and defending.

Explosions sounded to your left - you didn’t have to look to know it was Bakugou. Even in scenarios like this, somehow he was never too far from you, always keeping an eye on you. Unfortunately, that eye missed Tomura coming towards him, arm stretched out and hand reaching to grab at his face. You, however, noticed the movement in your peripheral, and with a swift kick to the stomach of whatever moronic douchebag you were fighting, launched yourself towards the pair. Your left arm stretching as far as you could make it, desperately trying to stop Tomura from making contact.

This resulted in your left hand grabbing his, your arm crossing over his body as an additional barrier. Pain erupted from your finger tips and you watched as your palm and fingers turned to dust. The pain shot up your arm, nerve endings for limbs you were quickly loosing  firing desperate warnings to get the hell out. Glitching your jaw, you willed a sword, a mace, ANYTHING strong to be formed with your right hand - by some grace an axe pulled itself from your fingertips, the purple smoke billowing off of it the only indication that you had created it. Without a second to think, you swung the axe across your arm, severing in and stopping the decay.

A different kind of pain shot through you, and before you truly knew what was happening, you stop up and pout your palm to Tomura’s chest. You met his eyes, and the maniacle grin he had on his face was enough to drive you to send all of your shadow fiends to him. With the strongest push you could muster, you distanced yourself from him just as they arrived to swarm him. You turned to look at Bakugou, to make sure he was okay, safe...alive, and you were met with easily the most wild eyes you had ever seen. You’d never found him particularly easy to read, but right now there were so many emotions flashing through his eyes you wondered if every emotion he’d ever felt was in there.

“Suki...” you whispered, suddenly too tired to speak properly. “You - you - what the hell did you - are you crazy?! You idiot! You could have-” Whatever he was saying was drowned out by a ringing in your ears, suddenly so loud and overwhelming you had to close your eyes. You dipped your head, an attempt to hide it to block out everything.  “Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop” you whimpered, desperate for the pain  to cease; and just as suddenly, it did.

You awoke hours later, the repetitive beeping of a heartrate monitor letting you know where you were. ‘Goddamnit. It’s been so long since I was here...thought I was doing better’ you thought, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. You signed, resigning yourself to your fate. You made the decisions, you would live with the consequences.  The door opening caused you to blink, pulling you out of the aimless thoughts. Bakugou walked in, silent and looking exhausted. He paused when he saw you try to sit up, falling slightly when you tried to lean on where your left hand used to be. Three large steps brought him to your side, helping you sit up properly.

You two sat in silence, neither really sure what to say. He had almost died, and you had lost a hard and most of your lower arm to save him, as well as almost dying yourself. What could either of you say? You opened your mouth, only to close it again. Unsure of what else to do, you reached across and places your left hand on top of his, slightly uncomfortable with the twisting of your body.  The contact broke him, and you saw his eyes shut tightly before a small cry erupted from his lips. Tears fell and he grabbed your hand, desperate to hold on to you, to remind himself that you hadn’t died. He brought your hand up to his lips, kissing them and resting them there, his warm breath tickling your fingers.

“You are so stupid....so so stupid” he said, desperately trying to control his breathing, “you can’t do shit like that...you can’t...I can’t...you...you..” panicked breathes interrupted each word, his grip tightening with each attempt at breathing.  “Katsuki, I need you to breath honey - I can barely understand you” you said softly, voice somehow not wavering despite the emotions welling in your throat “copy my breathing, yeah? Look at me” He shook his head, terrified that you’d disappear and this would all be a dream. "I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’m here” you said, tightening your grip slightly to help reassure him. A deep inhale through his nose followed before he finally lifted his head and looked at you.  Even here, after you’d lost so much blood, you were beautiful. He’d never get tired of looking at you - and he almost lost you. In the blink of an eye, his entire world was almost gone. “I’m so sorry” you said, keeping your eyes connected with his “I didn’t think, I just saw you were about the die and I reacted. I didn’t think how it might affect you. I’m so...so sorry Katsu” “Please...please don’t ever do anything like that again. I can’t....I can’t see that again. You were dying in front of me and I couldn’t do anything. The only thing I could do was cause more damage to -” he stopped, and looked down at your arm. You followed his gaze, realizing for the first time just how much of your arm you had lost. Just before your elbow, a diagonal line towards the outer part of your arm.  “Couldn’t do a clean line huh? Well done’ you chastised yourself. “You were bleeding so much...so much...Todoroki was too far away, but we had something to close the wound. I...I had to try...it wouldn’t stop..” ‘He cauterized it’ you realized. Your body tensed with the realization, guilt overwhelming you.

Bakugou felt you tense beneath his hands, his body immediately doing the same. Were you angry? Did you hate him? He didn’t want to do it...he didn’t want to hurt you. But you were dying there, bleeding out in front of him and - “You saved my life, Katsu. I’m sorry I put your in a position to have to do that” “I’m sorry” he said suddenly, feeling overwhelmed and undeserving of your apologies “If I had been paying more attention. This wouldn’t have happened. I was too busy making sure you were safe. If I’d been paying attention, you’d have your arm...your life wouldn’t have changed. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” tears welled up in his eyes again, guilt crushing his heart and pulling hi away from you.

“Hey, hey. Katsu...Katsu please stop. I’m not mad at you, I’d never blame you for this. We both made it, yeah? You saved me. I’m awake and here with you, because of you, okay? I’m still me. I don’t hate you, or think that you should have done something differently. If anything I should have done things differently. But, I will ALWAYS try to save you. That I won’t apologize for. You’re too important to feel any remorse for saving” Bakugou stayed silent, absorbing your words. He kissed your fingers again before standing up, and laying your hand down across the bed. No longer twisting, you sat up straighter, worried that he was going to leave. Instead, and to your utter surprised, he moved one arm behind your back, and another under your knees, lifting you up and maneuvering himself beneath you on your bed. He opened his legs, placing you between them before wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you against his chest.

“You are so stupid” he mumbled into your neck “you’re too important to throw your life around like that. I won’t survive if something happens to you. I can’t. I need you here, with me. Got that?” Heat engrossed your face, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you processed his words. You nodded, placing your right arm over his and intertwining your fingers. “I’m sorry” you whispered again. He responded by pulling you closer to him, bodies impossibly together. You felt his left arm release, coming down to lift yours up to inspect. You relaxed, letting him examine the bandaged limb. He didn’t say anything, he just let his fingers gently run across the bandage, You signed before inhaling deeply, imagining what your hand used to look like. Suddenly, purple smoke wrapped itself around the wound, molding itself into the missing arm and hand. Bakugou pulled away, eyes widening as the smoke solidified, leaving a purple arm and hand. Experimentally, you wiggled the fingers, excitement coursing through you as you saw them move, felt them against the palm. Bakugou reached forward, expecting his hand to pass through it - but was shocked when you came into contact with solid warmth. It felt like your other hand...exactly the same. Another cry passed his lips and you curled your fingers around his hand, squeezing lightly. Tears hit your shoulder, and your body shook with his as he cried, not even attempting to hide it. His arms wrapped around you again, hugging you tightly.

“I love you. I love you so much” he said, hiccupping softly

“I love you too Katsu” 

He hugged you tighter still, willing your body to mold into his own

“I’m never letting you go. I’m never letting you get hurt again”

“Katsu, I’m going to get hurt”

“No. Not like this. Anything more than a papercut is too much” he grumbled against your neck, lips whispering over your skin “And if paper cuts you I’ll destroy it” You couldn’t help but smile. You knew it was an impossible promise to keep, but you also knew he’d move heaven and earth to keep it. “I promise to try to avoid those kinds of situations from now on, okay?” “You fuckin’ better...” he muttered, finally kissing your neck. You turned towards him, eyes sparkling and a smile on your face., his expression mirroring yours. You were both beyond exhausted, but damnit you were so happy. 

“I can’t -” he started, only to stop himself “Katsu?” He didn’t say anything, just leaned forward and kisses you, soft and careful. Scared to shatter you, scared of seeing your skin turning to dust again. You smiled into the kiss, tightening your grip on his arms around your midsection; a sign that you weren’t going anywhere, that you wouldn’t break. He understood, and deepened the kiss. Hold you against him. Holding you where you belonged; and he was never letting you go. Never in a million years.

[alyxia91]

A little distance

I have never in my life attempted to write a fanfic, let alone post it. This is just a little feeler to see if this is something I can actually do. I guess a teaser? This is not proof read and Bakugo is (I think) a bit out of character. I apologize in advance if this is terrible. Also I’m bored at work.

In all the days that you’d known him, Bakugo had been an overly proud, egotistical hothead. You’d attempted to keep his head from flying too far above the clouds, but the consistent praise over how amazing his quirk was had blasted him above them too fast for you to react. You’d never admit it, but while his pride annoyed the ever living hell out of you, you were also proud that he had such a strong quirk - it kept those hero dreams of his very much a possibility.

When your own quirk had presented itself, you learned quickly that it likely wouldn’t be well received...your own mother being horrified to learn that you had a “void” quirk - allowing you to absorb negative feelings and change them into tangible objects of your choosing. It was an incredibly powerful quirk, and one that was difficult to control when it first manifested. You’d been taken out of classes until you learned to control it better, being able to pick and choose the negative emotions now rather than all of them coming to you at once. The drawback to this quirk, was that you retained the emotions rather tan expelling them when you created something. Your councilor had likened it to a “dark empathy”, the ability to feel others emotions, but unable to rid yourself of them.

Because of this, you pulled yourself away from Bakugo, the overwhelming anger that radiated off of him being too much for you to handle as a small child, and the fear of losing yourself in the emotion too strong. When the two of you had gotten accepted into the Hero Program at UA, you worried that you might be overwhelmed again - which you were, but not by Bakugo. Everyone in that class seemed to have trauma in their past, something that made them want to be a hero - something to fight for. While you couldn’t help but be inspired by your classmates, and proud to call them your friends, you also felt yourself becoming increasingly more mentally withdrawn as time passed, keeping yourself at arms length to keep your sanity, and keeping your quirk firmly hidden.

It wasn’t until your encounter with the Hero Killer, Stain, that everything became too much. The aura around him immediately smashing through every mental barrier you had, and the all consuming - and ever growing - rage swallowing you whole. You had been completely paralyzed without even doing anything, Stain not needing to use his quirk on you. As soon as you were close enough, his essence clung to you, scrambling your mind and numbing your senses. He felt it, his anger being pulled away - it had been the first time in years he’d felt some semblance of peace, his mind clear and thoughts almost rational. But he had a job to do, and he’d be damned if a child stopped him.

You remembered nothing leading to the end of the fight, but the moment you saw Ida, Midoriya and Todoroki get hurt, everything suddenly came into hyper-focus.  Pulling on ever dark thought you had, you felt the emotions pool into your fingertips, purple and black smoke falling from them as you thought only of the intense anger and fear you felt. Around you, a twisting storm of deep purple fog settled on the ground, skeletal hands and bodies being created and pulling themselves upward from seemingly nowhere. As many as you needed, you told yourself, to protect my friends. Standing behind you, an army of (really rather creepy) purple and black skeletal spirits stood, focus locked on Stain. A ripple of fear shot through his heart to the ends of every limb;  ‘What the hell...what is this?!’ His body screamed at him to run, to get the hell away. Each spirit seemed to carry with them the weight of his past, all the anger, hurt, fear and disappointment that had haunted him his entire life. Quite literally, it felt as though he was facing his demons.

“I will give you one chance” you said, voice eerily calm “ you let my friends go, to stop killing heroes. This isn’t the way to get what you want”

“What do you know about what I want” Stain raged, voice tight with either fear or anger, you couldn’t tell

“I know everything. I’ve felt everything. Your anger, your hatred. You want heroes to be what they used to be - good people with the ability to help. Right?” You’re met with silence, but you notice his muscles tensing, the grip on his swords firming. Instead of answering, he lunged at you, no longer aiming to simply paralyze you. This lunge was to kill.

Throwing your arms forward, your spirits flew past you, swarming him midair and stopping his attack. Black and purple clouded his vision, only the broken faces of the skulls surrounding him keeping him from falling. Screams invaded his ears, visions of his past flying passed him too fast to really grasp. Suddenly the wind was knocked out of him, your face mere inches from his own. When did you get here? When had he landed on the ground? Why were you looking at him like that? Why can’t he freaking MOVE. What the hell was happening. You stood in front of him, ignoring the screams and faces swirling around you two, your hair whipping around you, the feeling the only thing keeping you grounded. You watched as his eyes flew in every direction, desperately trying to find something to look at other than you. Reaching out, you placed your hands on either side of his head, pulling his face and eyes to look directly into yours. You saw the broken pieces of his life hidden behind years of building disappointment and anger in his. In yours, he saw the same thing reflected, but behind that still was undeniable hope. He couldn’t think, he could barely breathe. Suddenly, the cloud surrounding the two of you dissipated, and you threw yourself backwards. Suddenly pain shot through him, a punch landing on the left side of his face, and a strong kick landing directly at his ribcage on his right side; then nothing.

As soon as you got away, you fell to your knees. You’d never used your quirk in that way before; you didn’t even know it was possible. But God, you had been so angry...so scared. You felt your nose bleeding, your body not yet strong enough to handle a release that sudden or powerful. Todoroki was next to you in an instant, asking if you were okay. You couldn’t hear him, only make out the words leaving his lips. Shaking your head, you felt yourself draw in a shaky breath before collapsing.

A dull white ceiling came into view, soft beeping pulling you out of your comfortable nothingness. Blinking, you tried to bring the world into focus, brain still foggy from sleep. Pulling yourself up, you peered around the room. TO your surprise, Bakugo was sleeping in a chair to your left, head resting against the window. To your right, you saw Ida, Midoriya and Todoroki, all sitting up in their hospital beds. “You’re awake” Ida smiled, relief washing over his face “you scared us there” “How long was I out?” “Two days. It took a lot out of you, what you did” Todoroki answered, heterochromatic eyes looking you over “it was amazing to see” he added quietly. “I’ve known you for years, I never knew you could do that” Midoriya mumbled, the smallest hint of sadness in his eyes. “It wasn’t something I tried to hide Deku, I didn’t know my quirk could do that either...”  “What a time to learn something like that. I’m shocked. You seemed like you knew exactly what you were doing” Ida remarked, wonder dancing across his face “I assure you, I didn’t. I honestly don’t remember thinking at any point...it was all insticntual” Ida opened his mouth to respond, but a loud crack stopped him. Turning to your left, you saw Bakugo awake, glaring daggers at you. ‘Well, I’m in trouble’ you thought, eyes widening slightly at the anger, but also the fear rolling off of him. “Do you have ANY idea what could have happened to you?! You went head-to-head with the freaking HERO KILLER and used something you didn’t even know you HAD? Are you STUPID?!” he roared, face turning red and he glared at you “Why does it matter Bakugo? I’m fine, everyone else is fine, right?” “It matters because you could have DIED you idiot!” “You weren’t even there! How do you even know what happened?” “Deku told Kirishima, he told me. I came here.” Simple. “And you came here for me? Why?” he paused. “Can I talk to her alone” The other three nodded, Ida and Todoroki helping Midoriya out.

“Why did you stop talking to me” he asked the moment the door closed “What?” “We were always together. Partners in crime. Then you left, you came back, and avoided me. Why” “Bakugo...” “No. I deserve to know why. You were my best friend. Why” “Bak -” “Why” “I can’t -” “Why” “It’s not that sim-” “Make it simple” “I don’t -” “WHY” he exploded, sparks flying out of the palms of his hands. He trembled, the anger rolling off of him changing to such strong sadness you couldn’t help but feel guilty. “I couldn’t do it” you whispered “What?” “Do you know what why quirk does” you asked, eye raising to meet his. “Not exactly, but I know is affects emotions. I was able to pick up that much at least” “It feed off them. Negative ones specifically. I absorb them, take them as my own, and can manipulate them into tangible things -- I don’t know what limits there are in that though” you paused, waiting for a sign he was following. A simple nod was all you got. “When I do make something from them, the emotions don’t leave me. They stay, and I have to figure out how to deal with them. I was pulled because I couldn’t control WHEN I absorbed those emotions, so any negative emotion that was felt around me, I immediately took in...” You watched as a flicker of realization flashed in his eyes, His body slumped down into the chair, eyes never leaving yours. “You were always so angry... I didn’t know how to deal with it. I couldn’t. Not at that age -” “Why didn’t you tell me” “I didn’t know how to. How do you tell a child to stop being angry? You can’t. You can barely control your anger now Baku” “I could learn to if it meant -” he started to whisper, stopping himself before he revealed too much “If it meant...what?” you pried “Nothing” “No no, I answered your question, you answer mine” “Not a chance. I deserved to know” “And I don’t?” “No. Not after that stunt you pulled” “Bakugo” “Piss off. I’m not telling you shit” “Baku” “No” “Please” “No” he resigned himself, crossing his arms and straightening up in his chair. Signing, you smiled softly. “Stubborn as ever. I’m glad you’re still you” “Well who the hell else would I be?” “People change as they get stronger, you know that. I’m glad that you haven’t changed too much” “Not like you would know...” he mumbled to himself, but you caught it “...it wasn’t easy, you know. Distancing myself from you. My instinct has always been to run to you when anything happens. It was hard to fight that...” “You shouldn’t have. I would have learned how to deal with the anger. I would have helped you” “At that age?” “You were my best friend. I would have tried” “...I’m sorry” “Yeah yeah, sort your shit out you dumbass. And stop running from me. You’re stuck with me now, I’m not letting you do something stupid like that again. You’re gonna learn to control that shit” “How, exactly?” “Dunno, but we’re gonna figure it out” “We?” “Yes ‘we’ you idiot. Like I said, you’re stuck with me. I’m not getting another call that you’ve landed yourself in the hospital. I’m not doing this shit again....it’s too much” he whispered the last part, so soft it barely made it to your ears. "I’ll let you rest, let me know when you’re out of here” Standing up, Bakugo stretched his back, arms raising above his head to extend towards the ceiling. Sighing as he brought them down, he walked towards the door, not sparing you a glance. Half way to the door he paused, turning around suddenly and marching up to you. Bending down, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, a blush painting its way across his cheeks. “Don’t scare me like that again. I don’t know what I would do if you died” he whispered, standing upright to march out of the room. He didn’t bother to wait for your reaction, too embarrassed to turn back.

If he had, he would have seen the matching blush painted across your face, a beautiful and soft smile gracing your lips. “I care about you too...” you said to yourself. Maybe distancing yourself from him had not been the right call...

[alyxia91]

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

[alyxia91]

I just kinda love these boys. That’s all. Also this is very well done. Credit to the creater, well done.

the office intro but it’s stray kids

[alyxia91]

I like Sk8 The Infinity for the plot 👀👀👀

No but seriously I’m in love with this story, and I need my boys to all be okay and be together

[alyxia91]

For my first post, it should be something as important as this.

PLEASE DON’T SCROLL

even if you only reblog, that’s enough

1st of February, 2021

i was debating on whether or not i should post this on tumblr but seeing as there haven’t been posts about this yet, here it is. i’m exposing my real location and nationality but it doesn’t matter.

if you have been active on twitter, you may already know #savemyanmar is trending. long story short, there has been a military coup. several nations have released statements but i want to share insight on what’s happening in the country.

memes about a coup have been circulating around for a couple days and when i slept at 2 am last night, we were still under the rule of the National League for Democracy (NLD). while they are not technically democratic, they are the closest we’ve got. when my mother woke up at 6 this morning, she was notified that the country was now under the rule of the military.

banks services are no longer available. wifi was cut at around 7-8. some people got wifi again earlier but many got it barely thirty minutes ago. this is bad for businesses especially ones that require international communications. additionally, international students like myself are experiencing anxiety; how do we pay for and attend classes if we’re not sure wifi is a given?

myanmar has a long, complicated history with military governments. the last time the military went into rule was in 1962 and only stopped in 2011, following the 2010 elections. there was a huge protest in 1988 lead by students that resulted in lots of death. during the military junta, resources like rice, water, oil, were scarce. the gist is military rule is bad for us.

all of my followers are not myanmar citizens, i’m sure but as part of the international community, please help us. here is a petition that you can sign (although i’m not sure if that can do much). there may be protests in front of myanmar embassies so look out for those. most of all, please help spread awareness. 

the people here are coping with dark humor, primarily in the form of memes but we don’t know how long this rule will last, even though the official statement said only a year. here’s something that pretty much sums up our coping mechanism:

again, even a reblog helps

update :: all telecommunication means will be cut off at 12 am MMT