amberswilddreams

[amberswilddreams]

slow dance🫶

pairing : mark feehily x fem!sister reader

summary : mark's younger sister, selena had just gotten married to her husband, cillian and instead of having the traditional mother/daughter and father/daughter dance, selena decided to surprise her brother by having a brother/sister dance instead.

warnings : wedding, cute brother/ sister moment, fluff

a/n : i have already written this once before but because it is a happy and sweet one-shot, i decided to write it again but for mark from westlife because he deserves so much happiness! also, even though it is a happy one-shot, it'll be written in italics just because i think it fits the theme. 

cecelia and cillian fitzgerald, childhood sweethearts, had just gotten married in an amazing ceremony. which meant it was now time for the fun part of the wedding, the reception. the husband and wife had just finished their first dance which was spectacular and something that everyone adored and found to be the sweetest thing ever as they watched the two hug as they step-touched before just surprising everyone towards the end by going all out ballroom style. 

whilst cecelia and cillian were happily dancing their first dance as mr and mrs fitzgerald, they were secretly devising the plan of having a brother/sister dance instead of cecelia dancing with her and mark's parents. of course, this wasn't something that mark knew about, only cecelia, cillian and the parents. and the reason was because cecelia just really wanted to surprise her older brother. and also have him be a part of the day because he was also a part of the family, even though he was one of cillian's best men. 

mark was just minding his own business, quietly swaying side-to-side with his own partner, cailean, as the song that he thought was going to be played during the father/daughter dance was played through the dj's speakers. mark and cailean were in their own little world entirely when mark felt himself being nudged repeatedly. he wouldn't ever admit it when something was annoying him so he just ignored it, just hoping that whoever was nudging him would just stop. however, he slowly realised the colour of the dress that the person nudging him was wearing. it was a white wedding dress, which meant that it was cecelia that was nudging him and immediately, he turned away from cailean in confusion. mark thought that their dad and cecelia were having their father/daughter dance right now. 

"...cece? why aren't you dancing with dad right now?" mark questions, hoping that the entire wedding party and guests that had survived the late evening wedding ceremony and reception weren't staring at the brother and sister 

"i'm not having the first dance with dad and cillian isn't having the first dance with mum," cecelia whispered back as mark's eyes widened in shock 

"what? why?" mark questioned, letting go of his own partner's hand as cecelia smiled, grabbing her brother's hand and asking him to come and follow her 

even though mark was very confused, he just trusted his sister and went along with the tricks that it seemed his sister was pulling. i mean, if that's what she wanted to do on her wedding then, by all means, go for it, it is your day after all. 

he then realised he and cecelia were in the middle of the dance floor whilst their childhood song started to play over the speakers. replacing the song that had been chosen for the father/daughter dance.

"cece, what are you doing?!" mark spoke in absolute fear now as cecelia's face changed as she grabbed a tight hold of her brother's hands 

"i decided to have a brother/sister dance rather than a father/daughter dance. cillian decided to have a sister/brother dance as well rather than a mother/son dance. c'mon now, marky, it's our song! don't you wanna dance to dancing queen with your younger sister on her wedding day?!" cecelia smiled as mark's face brightened as tears welled in his eyes and nodded his head as everyone cheered which made the brother and sister giggle 

so, as soon as the song started, mark and cecelia just started screaming the lyrics to abba's popular song, dancing queen. however, it wasn't just any version. it was, of course, the movie version of dancing queen that was playing. the brother and sister were just jumping around, swinging each others' hands everywhere, twirling with each other, laughing. just having the time of their lives as they celebrated what was an amazing wedding ceremony between two amazing people who were in love. 

cillian, cecelia's husband and mark's brother-in-law watched on the side with a sweet smile on his face as he watched the brother and sister laugh and dance to the song they performed all the time as kids. and then later on at westlife's wild dreams tour. when cecelia and cillian were planning their wedding, they and their parents straight away decided that instead of having their first dances with each of their parents and in-laws, cecelia and cillian were going to dance with mark. one song each that either reminds the other of him or will be a special song proceeding after the wedding for the pair. for cecelia, she chose dancing queen by abba but the movie version because it was a song that the siblings would always perform and just sing and dance to when they were younger. it was also the movie they'd always watch together. however, at the last minute, instead of dancing with mark or mark's partner cailean, with the two father's permission, cillian decided to instead dance with his new niece, layla, the daughter of mark and cailean. and of course, the new husband was granted permission and he and layla danced to my wish by rascal flatts which caused the sweetest moment of the entire evening and some of the sweetest photos of the entire wedding. 

towards the last minutes of cecelia and mark's dance, cillian with layla in his arms slithered up behind the siblings. mark's smile grew tenfold as he moved away from his sister and excitedly gave his new brother-in-law a hug as well as a sweet kiss to his daughter's nose. they shared a laugh before moving out of the hug as the four started to dance together in a little circle, whilst cailean and the rest of the wedding party watched on. 

"you and layla enjoying the night so far, mark?" cillian whispers as mark and layla nod their head, smiling sweetly as cillian smiles back in contentment 

"mhm, it's been a lovely night, cillian," mark whispers back since layla still couldn't form proper sentences yet as layla then pouted as she started to realise the song that had started to play over the speakers, mark smiling as he handed his daughter off to dance with her new uncle 

little layla buried her head into cillian's shoulder as my wish started to play as the two started to sway back and forth, layla secure in her uncle cillian's arms. cillian smiled as he rested his chin on layla's head, neither of them saying anything. just deciding to enjoy the slow dance moment to the song that was now going to always be categorised as theirs and only theirs as layla grows up. 

"you like the surprise layla?" cillian whispered in a sweet baby voice to his niece as he leads them off the dance floor so everyone else could get their boogie wonderland on 

nodding her head, layla smiled in contentment as a small yawn left her mouth as she then reached from her uncle cillian to her daddy cailean, "fank you unc cilly," layla whispered out as she closed her eyes to yawn again as she nuzzles in close to her daddy 

"my pleasure layla. you were a perfect little dancer, i'll see you soon babe, you can have a nap now," cillian whispered back, giving the girl a light kiss to her head of hair as she closed her eyes, dozing off against her daddy's chest 

after dancing with the other groomsmen, including his own bandmates, mark waltzed over to his new brother-in-law who had just left layla and cailean, "hey, cillian, that was really nice of you to dance with layla instead of me, not that you would've been uncomfortable with dancing with me but, yeah, thank you for giving her that moment," mark smiled as cillian smiled back with a nod of his head 

"of course, mark. i was happy to dance with layla and give her a little moment. and, no, i would never be uncomfortable dancing with you just because of who you are and who you're dating. you know i'm not like that but, just to reassure you, if you do want to dance with me since we still have a couple of hours left until the venue closes, we could just shoot back some champagne and have a cheeky line dance together right now?" cillian chuckled at the end of his sentence as mark laughed as well, throwing his head back 

"i mean, i wouldn't decline but, maybe we should get everyone else to join in with the line dance? cause i have been waiting for the day that i'd get to see my little sister do a line dance in her wedding dress," mark chuckled as cillian nodded his head in agreement 

"alright, let's do it marky!" cillian and mark cheered and laughed as they rushed to the dance floor to do their said line dance, asking the dj to play the song footloose

liked by markusmoments, cillianfeehilyfitzgerald, shanefilanofficial, calieano, nickybyrneinsta, kianegan, jodialbert, georginaahernbyrne, official_ceceliaahern, gillianfilansligo and 8k others

ceceliafeehilyfitzgerald some unseen footage from mr and mrs ftizgerald day. 

~

ever since i could remember, i always dreamt of including my older brother mark in my wedding. and then later down the line, he met his beautiful partner cailean and the dream changed to including cailean in my wedding. and then, mark and cailean gave me the blessing of being an aunty to their little baby girl, layla. and again, the dream changed to including baby layla in my wedding. so, the moment cillian proposed and we started planning the wedding, we both agreed that no one else but mark would be the best man because, duh, he's my brother. and that was from the very beginning going to be his job in the wedding, no matter if it started a war between all the males in my family. and, i do have to say, mark was a brilliant best man, he didn't even hesitate to help cillian and i plan the wedding. and that was before cillian and i even surprised him by asking him to be cillian's best man. but, i think it was because he was just as excited for cillian and i to get married than we were. so, when it was "official" that mark was cillian's best man, he continued to do almost everything he could to ensure that cillian and i would be stress-free and have everything done the way we wanted it to be done. also from the very beginning, we decided that with our parents, cillian and mine, that we wouldn't have the mother/son or father/daughter dance. we decided to replace it with a brother/sister and an uncle/niece first dance after cillian and i's first dance. which is what you're seeing happen in the first photo, cillian had spun himself and me slightly towards the outskirts of the dance floor where i then walked over to where mark was and pulled him to the dance floor with me. for this moment of the reception, cillian and myself both picked out songs that were important in our relationship, mine with mark and cillian with little layla. the song i picked was dancing queen, the movie version because it's a song from mark and i's childhood and we were either always singing, dancing to it or watching the movie, there was no in-between. with cillian's song for layla, he had picked my wish by rascal flatts which is a very emotional song that once layla is old enough to understand, i'm sure she will appreciate and hold forever in her memory. so, seeing my husband and niece slow dance to such a meaningful song for two of the most important people in my life was an emotional moment that i am forever grateful it was able to happen. and this last photo was just a photo with me and layla since the photos of me and mark together still haven't been sent through. so, in conclusion, if you have siblings who have kids or your partner has siblings, make sure to include them in your reception, and it doesn't matter how old they are. whether they are a part of the bridal/wedding party and you do a special dance with them or whatever, just, include them. because it will mean the absolute world to them and it'll for sure be something they'll look back on at their own wedding if you have younger siblings or young nieces and nephews when they have their own. mark, cailean and layla, cillian and i love you so much and we are so thankful that you three were at our wedding and that you, mark, were such an amazing best man for cillian! 

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markusmoments dancing with you and then watching layla dance with cillian is something i'm always going to remember and show her so she never forgets! it's a core memory for my little family for sure! i love you more cece 

cillianfeehilyfitzgerald i am really glad we went through with this and didn't ever change it or think about changing it. watching you dance with mark and then me dancing with layla to my wish will always be something i'll happily smile at any time i hear that song <3 

shanefilanofficial i will say, that moment between you guys was so sweet and honestly got me very teary-eyed

caileano that was definitely one of the best and sweetest moments of the evening! i loved seeing you, mark, cillian and layla all dance together. such a special moment! 

nickybyrneinsta you guys are just so sweet! mr and mrs fitzgerald day, come back! 

kianegan watching you watch cillian and layla dance together made me cry so much! it was the sweetest thing ever! 

jodialbert mr and mrs fitzgerald day has to be my favourite day this year, absolutely! 

georginaahernbyrne that moment, cillian and layla dancing together and you and mark dancing together, is for sure something that i think all of us are going to remember forever, cecelia, it truly was so heartwarming 

official_ceceliaahern this was the sweetest moment of the entire evening, next to mark's gorgeously heartfelt best man speech! 

gillianfilansligo i'm still shaken up by this whole wedding! it was beautiful, cecelia and cillian! 

fin

i just realised that all of my mark fics that aren't within the grouped westlife ones are all brother/sister fics! but i don't hate it either cause that means i don't have to create someone entirely new for mark and i can just always have him dating cailean if i'm too lazy!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

home sweet home🫶

pairing : mark feehily x fem!sister reader

summary : delilah feehily had been stationed in america for the last seven years as a training paramedic. she is also mark's younger sister and hasn't seen him during those seven years. the last time she had seen her brother was just after it had been announced that westlife was ending and now they were reuniting again. since then, more westlife babies had been born and so many things that delilah had missed had happened. so, with the help of the rest of the westlife family, she surprised her older brother. 

warnings : none, just a sweet brother/sister moment of mark getting surprised by his sister coming home after training to be a paramedic in america for the last seven years, swearing, happy crying and just some sweet reunions

a/n : a couple of flashbacks will be in this and written in italics like always, even though it's happy, it'll be written in lowercase and i'm gonna apologise once again for the influx of depressing one-shots so i hope this makes you forgive me! 

present time | mark's pov 

chilling in my dressing room before a concert was always the thing that i did during the years in westlife and it was something i even did now, during the reunion tour. except for the occasional run-in from one of the children, it was quite quiet which led me to find an old message between me and my younger sister. i tilted my head in confusion but, i sat in my chair properly, my feet off of the desk, and read the message from delilah. 

delilah 

hey, marky. i know we haven't spoken in ages, since i left being the "ages" but, i just wanted to text you to let you know i love you, i miss and i am so proud of you. 

it makes me so excited that westlife are reuniting and i only wish that i could be there to see it! i know you and the lads will smash it out of the park! love you! 

hey delilah, i miss you too and i love you too. and we're all excited to be back together again. we also wish you could be here! kian now has another two boys, nicky now has a little girl and, as you would know, cailean and i are about to become dads ourselves! see you soon, whenever that is!  

i really am sorry that i can't be there. and i know about kian's new one, cobi and i also know about nicky's girl. and obviously, i know about you and cailean's surrogacy journey! congratulations and biggest hugs to you guys! okay, i need to go but, we can talk later. i love you marky and stay safe xx

read

i felt my eyes water as i reread these messages. especially when i noticed that these dates dated back to around, 2017ish when cobi, kian's youngest had just been born and zekey and gia were no longer the new westlife babies anymore. my heart broke as i realised i didn't even respond to delilah's last message she sent me back in 2017, i only read it and never responded. even though it was a very short conversation, it was still a nice conversation to have with my sister as i hadn't talked to her at that point in a couple of years. and that reason is that delilah, basically the day after westlife had their final concert, she was over in america as a training paramedic, travelling through all the places to teach families and young kids about the importance of first aid. and those last two farewell shows at croke park being the last time me and my bandmates had seen her before she jet-setted off.

"you alright, marky?" i suddenly look up to notice kian, had snuck his way into my dressing room and joined me, resting himself against the table as i smiled at him, nodding my head 

"yeah, i'm alright kino, just...thinking..." i trailed off as i placed my phone down, forgetting to turn it off as kian catches a glimpse of what i was looking at 

"...you miss delilah don't you?" kian softly responded as we both caught eye contact as i nodded my head 

"yeah, i do. i don't even know how i came past that conversation, i must have been absentmindedly scrolling through the messages...wow, two years ago we had that conversation..." i trail off, looking back down at the date we had that small conversation, realising ultimately that it was almost three years ago, not two 

"...well, have you tried calling her?" kian sincerely questions as i sit up properly again as i tilt my head - have i? 

"i...i don't think i have..." i space out for a second until i bring myself back into reality as kian places a soft touch on my shoulder 

"...well, when was the last time you tried calling her?" kian asked, pulling himself back to his original position as i relax my shoulders down as i think properly 

"i think the last time i tried calling her was a week after the farewell tour when she had been gone for maybe a little close to a week at that point..." i was shocked at myself as those words came out my mouth, kian giving me a comforting smile 

"...well, do you maybe want to try calling her then? i'm sure it won't hurt to try," kian whispered, giving me a small smile as he then climbed off the table leaving me to call her. however, it kind of scared me to call delilah 

"i guess so..." i mumbled as kian gave me one last smile before it was just me left in my dressing room again 

well, here i go. i decided that i'd try to call delilah for the first time in threeish years. it gave me anxiety hearing the phone call ring as for all i knew, maybe she forgot about me due to how much of a workaholic she was when it came to her job as a paramedic. maybe that's why she never came home when she had the chance to... because she was too focused on her job she forgot about me. i mean, it sounds plausible i guess. 

"hey, it's delilah..."

"...delilah i miss--" 

"--sorry that i couldn't be there to pick up the phone and talk to you. i'm most likely either in the shower jamming to westlife, ssh don't tell mark, i'm at work or i am purposefully ignoring you. please leave a message and i'll get to you as soon as i possibly can. love you so much to whoever has rung me and i'm sorry for not picking up, okay, bye-bye!" 

my heart broke as i heard her voicemail. she still hadn't updated it from the day she first made it, at the airport before she was about to leave for america after the final croke park show back in 2012. i remember holding in my giggles as she made it. as soon as the recording stopped, i burst out into laughter and caused the entire airport to stare at us. delilah also finding the funny in the situation. i was then interrupted by the sudden beep meant for my message. 

*beep*

i jolted as i then spoke up, giving my message to delilah. my voice shaky and a little bit teary as i sniffled. 

"...hey...delilah, it's been a while since we last spoke. around three years to be exact but um, i...i just wanted to ring in to check on you considering it's been seven years or so since you've been in america and i was just wondering how you're going. i hope you're staying safe and, please come home soon, i love you and i miss you loads, okay, umm, please call me back when you're able to listen to this, okay, bye."  

i gulped as i ended the call, placing my phone back down on the table that kian was sitting on earlier. i then moved out of my seat and rested against the wall, sliding down it as i felt as though i was going to start crying. thankful my door was closed and locked so no one, even the kids, could come in. 

five minutes later | kian's pov 

since leaving mark to attempt in ringing delilah, his younger sister who has been a training paramedic in america for the last seven or so years, i was slightly worried about leaving him alone. especially considering it's been around three years since they last communicated and we were hours, if not minutes away from performing a concert for our reunion. 

i was walking back down the hallway to my dressing room when i heard what sounded like soft cries. it piqued my interest as mark's dressing room was always on a diagonal from mine. i softly knocked on the door, before hearing a click, letting me know the door was just unlocked as i walked in, closing the door behind me straight away. 

he was resting against the wall, no longer sitting near his vanity desk and my heart broke, "...mark, what's wrong?" i softly questioned, sliding down the wall next to mark as he slowly looked over towards me 

"she...she didn't answer, it was just her voicemail," mark whispered as my heart shattered for him 

"oh, marky, i am so sorry. did you try again?" i asked as i brought his fragile but taller frame into my smaller one as i felt his head shake against my shoulders 

"no," he mumbled against my shoulder as i bit my lip, not knowing what else to do 

"why not?" i simply respond as mark sniffles 

"hearing her voicemail from seven years ago makes me miss her even more...since that's the last time i heard her speak so i don't even know if she still sounds like that..." he trails off as i nod my head - yeah, i get the same feeling when i miss my own mum and i try to ring her and it goes to voicemail, making me not want to try again even though i know her voice wouldn't have changed that much 

"that's fair. have you gotten in contact with her superintendent to make sure she's okay?" i questioned as i remembered that as a group, we had talked about it, all wanting to stay in the loop about delilah 

"yeah but, they...they haven't really been giving me any updates recently so i don't even know what's going on at their end right now," he mumbles as i nod my head 

"that's not fun but i'm sure delilah isn't ignoring you on purpose. just, be as positive as you can and just know that one day, delilah will have to come home since she wasn't even meant to be in america and with this job for this long anyway," i smirk as mark gives me a little smirk back which makes me happy, we all hated to see mark upset 

i then decided to give mark a hug before leaving him on his own, knowing he needed it this time and now, i knew he'd be okay. 

seven years ago | mark's pov

i had never hated anything more than what was happening right now, and last night, westlife just ended forever. right now, my younger sister delilah was getting ready for her new job as a training paramedic somewhere in america. i say "somewhere" because i completely zoned out as soon as it was mentioned that delilah was being sent away in the first place, i just had the impression that she'd be sent to england. i didn't want to hear about the fact that she'd be across a whole damn ocean, six or so hours away. and i'd rather not be told that she's that far away from me that if anything was to go wrong, i can't just be there in an hour or two. 

"...come on markus, say goodbye to your sister as she'll be gone for a couple of years before you can speak to her again. don't be moody, please," dad kindly spoke as i rolled my eyes, i sluggishly moved off the airport seat, uncrossed my arms and slowly walked over to delilah who was waiting with her arms open for a hug - to which she knew i could never say no to 

"fine, but don't blame me when i yell at you every other day for not allowing me to be an hour away from delilah just in case she gets injured because it won't be my fault!" i growl out, half of it mumbled by delilah's tight squeeze as i rested in her hug, mum and dad shaking their heads at me in unapproving ways 

"oh please, mark, that's never going to happen, buddy! i won't let it happen!" delilah whispers as dad, mum, our brothers and the westlife family had left the two of us alone 

"and how in god's name are you so sure of that delilah grace, huh?" i respond, with a full-on passive-aggressive attitude as she rolls her eyes, squeezing me tighter as she tries to prove her point 

"i'm so sure of that markus michael patrick because i was trained exceptionally well and there is no way in hell or god's name that i'm leaving you on your own! nah-uh, not until i surprise you at one of your concerts, whether that's when westlife reunites or at one of your solo shows then i'm leaving you, even then, i'll always be here for you, okay?" delilah roughhoused me, in the airport yes, as she tried to convince me, leaving me to roll my eyes this time 

"nah-uh, i'm still not letting you leave, nope! nope, nope, nope, NOPE!" i growl as i squeeze delilah even tighter than before as she softly chuckles, scuffing my hair up, to which i had no care about really 

"i hate to burst your imaginative bubble markus but, i'm still leaving. i have to otherwise i could be fined a lot of money for not going..." delilah trails off as she tries to remove herself from my grip, to which i refuse and hug her tighter 

"...i.don't.care! i'd rather have to help pay for your fines for not leaving to work in america as a stupid paramedic than be told that you got injured or died in a fucking school shooting over the phone whilst i'm potentially on stage at a solo gig and then having to cry my eyes out at your funeral two months later when they finally bring your body home!" i growl, still mad that mum and dad even allowed delilah to consider her choosing this weird training paramedic job in america, delilah sighs loudly as she brings her arms back around my torso, hugging me even tighter 

"i'm sorry mark but, i do care. and, whilst i also don't want you guys to get a call saying i died or got injured in america and wait two months for my fancy-schmancy funeral, i'm willing to do this job in america if it means i'm teaching life-saving skills. i don't want to argue with you, i know you don't either so, be reasonable and let me leave," delilah says in a matter-of-fact way as i roll my eyes again, a small whine leaving my mouth as if i was about to have a full-on tantrum, to which, i most likely was, in a public airport with my now former bandmates behind me and the rest of my family 

"why are you so proud of this job? i'd rather you be on tour with me!" i whine, smacking my head on delilah's shoulder as she chuckles 

"i'm proud because i've always been proud of everything i do and that includes my job as a training paramedic in america. and you know i'd love to go on tour with you but, i can't so, it looks as though you're just going to have to survive with me being away in a different country to you," delilah said with a smile as we both simultaneously squeezed each other, causing us to both squeal and giggle 

"well, if i have to let you leave then, when will i talk to you next?" i question, pulling back out of the hug as delilah grabs ahold of my hand 

"umm, i think i have a couple of days where i have off that i can ring and communicate with those i didn't get to farewell but, yeah, i think that's the next time i can talk to you," delilah smiles which makes me smile, making me feel slightly better 

"okay, nice. when will i be able to see you again? like, when will you be able to come home?" i then ask as i entertain myself by fiddling around with delilah's fingers which were intertwined with mine 

"it...it'll be soon i'm sure mark," delilah smiles, pulling me into another quick hug before grabbing my hand again as i nod my head sadly 

"how soon is soon?" i ask with a shake in my voice, looking up at the clock knowing her flight was about to be called to board soon 

"mark soon will be as soon as i am able to leave. i promise, now, i really need to leave, my plane's about to board!" delilah said as i pouted and my eyes grew sad as i huffed loudly 

"ok, but promise me you'll come home safely, please?" i whimper my voice breaking as delilah smiles softly 

"i promise mark, but, i gotta go," she whispers as she gives me one last hug before giving her last hugs to everyone else 

okay, maybe what i said before was mean, i am awfully proud of delilah that she chose this as her job. it was wrong of me to say that i'm mad at mum and dad for allowing her to consider and then choose it eventually. i then saw my former bandmates, kian, nicky and shane give their final hugs and farewells to delilah. watching that whilst it broke my heart, also made it feel warm that even though i'd no longer see those three every day, i could still pick up my phone and call them without hesitation and i'd do the same for them. even though i was farewelling two major things in my life, westlife and my younger sister, i knew that i would eventually be okay again. 

we then watched on as delilah and her fellow training paramedics boarded the plane. we waved, cheered, and hollered, making the biggest scene of all time as she then vanished into the plane where it became silent again. 

"...well, now she's gone mark," dad came up from behind me, wrapping his arm around my back, i huffed and rolled my eyes 

"thanks for reminding me dad, it isn't like i wasn't watching it happen," i huff as dad pulls me down to sit on the airport floor with him - knowing something was wrong 

"okay markus, what's wrong? you've been like this all day, why can't you be proud of your younger sister like she's proud of you?" dad muttered kindly as my lips started to tremble 

"i am proud of her dad it's just--"

"--it's hard to see her go after you've watched westlife go?" he interrupts as i nod my head, a small whimper coming out of my mouth, dad's face softens, noticing the tears welling in my eyes and pulls me into his lap, his knees bracing my head 

"mhm," i mumble as i feel the tears pool in my eyes as dad softly ruffles his fingers through my hair 

"oh, mark, it's okay son," dad whispers as i feel a tear stream down my cheek onto dad's knee as i attempt to wipe it away whilst laying awkwardly on the airport floor halfway on my dad's lap 

"no, it's not," i whimper, covering my mouth with my arm that rested across dad's lap so my whimpering would be quieter 

"fine, i'll rephrase my answer *mark softly chuckles* it will be okay mark, delilah will be okay. she's going to come home and she'll message and call us when she's able to, okay? you've got nothing else to worry about other than what you're going to do now that westlife's finished, whether that's you going into the studio to write some new material or going on holiday, doesn't matter, okay?" dad smiled as he continued combing his fingers through my hair which was starting to really calm me down 

"thanks, dad," i mumble with a small smile on my lips as i look up to see him also smiling 

"no worries mark, i get how you're feeling. trust me, i wasn't too rapt about delilah being a training paramedic in america either but, i made her promise me she would come home and, she promised. i'm holding on to that promise so if she breaks it, i'll never forget it and i would've wished i made her come home when i had the power to, but, right now, i've made peace with her decision and, i'm proud of her," dad was always so wise and inspirational and it made me giggle 

"that's a fair deal. anyway, how are the westlife kids taking this? nicole especially since she adores her aunty delilah," i ponder as i just realise, i've only really interacted with my immediate family, not with the westlife lads or their kids and partners 

"that's a good question, mark, last i saw of her her dad was trying to calm her down as she wasn't taking the thought of aunty delilah leaving well either," dad said, shrugging his shoulders as i awkwardly nodded my head that still rested on his lap 

"aw, i hope she's okay," i mumble softly, feeling the exact same way as little nicole 

"i'm sure she is. but maybe she just needs her uncle marky to give her a hug to make her feel a little bit better," dad coaxes me to get up as i giggle softly 

"okay, fine, i'll go find her!" i giggle as i lift my head up off dad's lap, giving him a hug as i then walk over to shane, his wife gillian and their three kids, noticing the upset little nicole straight away 

present time | mark's pov

after maybe about five minutes of just thinking and allowing myself to go back to that day seven odd years ago, i could smile again. after being so upset that i wasn't just losing one thing in my life, westlife or delilah, but both at the same time, it didn't make me so upset anymore because westlife had since reunited. even though delilah hadn't come home yet and i still miss her all the time, i remembered that she's just working hard all the time to give out life-saving first aid skills and at some stage, she'll come home. 

"...mark, we're on stage in five," kian calls out, popping his head into my dressing room as i giggle 

"thanks kino, be there shortly," i giggle as kian also giggles, hesitating to move out of the way 

giggling, i ask him to move, "oh my god, move, kian! i can't leave my dressing room with you standing right there!" i chuckle as kian smiles, apologies and leaves quickly leaving me slightly confused 

twenty-ish minutes ago | delilah's pov

trying to hold in my laughter was the hardest thing ever, especially watching kian forget to leave after telling mark that it was five minutes to stage. little did mark know, after seven and a bit years, i was finally retiring from my job as a training paramedic and decided to relocate back home to sligo, ireland. with my transfer back to the sligo ambulance service, and some good-looking time off, i'd be able to go on the road with westlife during their reunion tour and be there for the moment that mark and his partner cailean become fathers to their baby. 

i had snuck into the aviva stadium, in dublin pretty quickly, out of my uniform completely and just waiting for the right moment to surprise mark, whether that's just before he goes on stage or whilst he's on stage with the boys, during a song. 

kian, nicky and shane hugged me tightly as we waited for the right time but had a quiet conversation as we all waited for mark to leave his dressing room for the five minutes to stage call. 

after asking and catching up with the lads about the reunion and how they've all been, including mark, we then mentioned how we think he was going to react to me finally being home. 

"...honestly, i genuinely think mark's going to freak when he sees you, delilah..." kian smiles, his arms crossed over as nicky rolls his eyes before jumping in

"...he's not just going to freak, kino, he's going to cry when he sees you, delilah!" nicky says dramatically as we all giggle, especially when kian's annoyed face makes an appearance 

"and as i was going to say before nicky interrupted me, he is absolutely going to lose his head when he sees you, he is absolutely going to cry. i mean, seven years, like, no sir, i couldn't even do that, especially without contact, nah-uh, nope, i struggled not being able to talk to koa and jodi when i did i'm a celebrity *giggles*," kian huffed as we all giggled as we all agreed 

"yeah, i couldn't do this job again, especially in a different country for seven years without breaks," i mutter with a shake of my head as we all have another group hug

present day | kian's pov 

the lads and me were now performing on stage and getting ready to surprise the absolute crap out of mark. delilah, his younger sister as we all know, just came back from a seven-year paramedic job in america. the first time she's been home and seen mark since she left back in 2012 and, he has got no clue whatsoever and is absolutely clueless about it. 

we were laughing, singing, and having an absolute ball when i watched carefully for the moment that delilah would walk on stage for the surprise. i suddenly received the all-clear from louis, our manager so i then gave the signal to delilah and, she walked right onto stage. 

thankfully, mark had just finished his solo in flying without wings so it was basically the end of the song, the lights, however, hadn't dimmed as delilah came up behind her brother and wrapped her arms around her brother's neck, giving him a hug. 

watching the confusion on his face was priceless as he then turned around and boom, i was basically a mess straight away, "delilah? what the fuck are you doing here?" mark was in so much shock that it was as though he was in a different universe completely 

"did you forget the promise we made to each other seven years ago?" delilah giggled as the crowd along with me and the lads erupted into cheers as we watch the siblings pull each other in for a hug 

"oh my god, you...you're home!" mark quickly and shakily hands me his microphone and pulls his sister in for a proper hug as tears fill his eyes 

"home sweet home, marky!" she whispered back as me, shane and nicky watched on as the siblings reunited after seven long years 

"that promise was from seven fucking years ago!" mark cried out as he smacked her which made everyone tearfully laugh now that almost everyone was in tears at this point 

"still didn't break it, mark! i'm here, am i not? now, get back to work, you and the lads have a concert to finish!" delilah giggled as mark rolled his eyes, reluctantly moving from the hug to let nicky, me and shane give her hugs again even though we were the planners of the surprise 

"so, for those who are not aware, this is delilah, mark's younger sister and she has been away in america for the last seven years as a training paramedic. where in which she has been basically going around from state to state teaching and training underfunded and young kids very important and life-saving first aid skills. she left the day after we had our final farewell gig back at croke park all the way back in 2012 which feels like forever ago but was indeed seven years ago. and only today has she returned so, we decided that after we were told by a little birdy that she was coming home that we'd plan this entire surprise for mark," i explained, smiling tearfully as mark smiled back

the crowd screamed as mark went to speak again, "awe, thanks for the surprise guys! very sweet of you, thank you!" mark smiles, leaning into me to thank me as he then hugs his sister again  

"no problem, if we could, we'd do it all over again," delilah called out making all of us laugh 

delilah had then left the stage so we could finish the concert which went amazing, no mistakes, no nothing, just pure happiness and dedication to our concert. then, at the end of the concert, i watched as the brother and sister spent more time together, it was the sweetest thing and that wasn't me just saying that. i would genuinely do this surprise all over again just to see that shocked look on mark's face when he realised it was delilah that had surprised him. 

but, the best part of overhearing that conversation was mark's reaction when delilah told him she'd be joining us for the rest of the uk and irish tour.

fin

told y'all i love homecoming fics! but honestly, i really do love this fic and how i wrote this!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

layla (part two of so much blood)🫶

pairing : mark feehily x fem!sister reader

summary : a couple of months after her miscarriage, it was found out that madelena, mark feehily's younger sister, was pregnant again and was finally able to give her brother mark and his partner cailean the one thing they've always wanted; their little baby girl 

warnings : fluff, mentions of miscarriage, happy tears, a surrogate for her brother and his partner, older brother x mark, happy ending

a/n : this will be a lot happier than the first part but the miscarriage will be talked about in an italicised flashback by an instagram post posted by madelena. also, just thought i'd mention that although i will be using mark and cailean's real daughter, layla, the timeline may be a bit messy but, don't think about it too much because i've kind of pushed forward the westlife twenty reunion tour in this mini-series thingy so, don't freak out too much about it. as well as everything else, i realised i actually never gave a name to madelena's partner and her four children so madelena's partner is noah hendrick and their kids will then be mentioned later on if at all.

liked by markusmoments, caileano, noahhendrick, nickybyrneinsta, stormykeating, jodialbert and 8k others

madelenafeehilyhendrick all my life, i knew that all my older brother wanted to be was a father to a little girl. even when he came to realisation that he was gay, i could tell all he wanted in his life was to have a family of his own. especially after watching everyone around him have their own families. the moment mark started researching surrogacy after thinking he'd never be able to be a father, after the loss of what would have been noah and i's fourth child, we decided to put our hands up. we put our hands up to volunteer to be the surrogate for mark and cailean's child. and we were so excited, even though we were still grieving the loss of baby hendrick four, we were just glad that i could fall pregnant again to give mark and cailean their first baby. and it was truly all going to plan and both baby and me were as healthy as could be. but, all of a sudden, very sadly, at five months, heartbreakingly, during a westlife concert at the reunion tour, i miscarried at the london o2 show. and i lost what would have been mark and cailean's little baby girl. no one can prepare you for losing a baby but losing not just your own but also a baby that you were carrying for your brother and brother-in-law just breaks you even more. i wish i could explain how disgusted i felt in knowing that i couldn't give my older brother the singular thing that he had wished for his entire life. for ages, i hated myself because my body couldn't do the one thing it was supposed to do. and for so long, all i could do was apologise to mark and cailean because they didn't deserve to lose their baby. they didn't deserve to have their surrogate, leaving out the fact that i'm the sister and sister-in-law of the couple, miscarrying what was going to be their beautiful baby girl. mark, cailean, even though i've constantly been saying it, i don't think i'll be able to stop saying it until i am able to give you your gorgeous baby girl. so, again, i am so, so incredibly sorry that i couldn't give you two what you so desperately deserve and want in your life. i am so sorry i can't give you your little princess. but, in saying that, i'll never give up, i won't stop trying until i can give you your little princess!

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markusmoments oh madelena, you don't need to apologise! it's not your fault babe! but thank you for even joining cailean and me on this journey! you and noah, and your three cherubs have been amazing throughout this whole process and we cannot thank you enough 

madelenafeehilyhendrick markusmoments i love you marky. it was an honour to even carry baby feehily for those short five months and i hope next time i'll carry her all the way to term and into you and cailean's arms

caileano when are you going to stop apologising, madelena? it's not your fault and it never will be. we're just so thankful that you put your hand up even though you, noah and the kids had just lost baby four so, in all honesty, mark and i owe you guys an apology because maybe it was too soon from losing one baby to trying for ours 

madelenafeehilyhendrick caileano i love you cailean. and you nor mark will ever owe me, noah, arlo, michaela and noelle an apology, ever! don't even try to apologise because you and mark are not at fault either 

noahhendrick it always amazes me how strong and courageous you are, my love. but i promise, one day whether that's in two weeks from now or however long, we will be able to give mark and cailean their little baby girl, i promise. me, arlo, michaela and noelle love you always my darling wife 

madelenafeehilyhendrick noahhendrick i am so grateful that i married you, babe! and thank you so much, i hope so too that i can hand over mark and cailean their little girl one day. i love you always my darling husband

nickybyrneinsta as always, my heart breaks over this. but one day i promise you'll give mark and cailean their little girl, just don't stop trying madelena 

madelenafeehilyhendrick nickybyrneinsta so does mine, nicky. and thank you, i haven't stopped trying as i am determined as hell to hand over that little girl to mark and cailean 

stormykeating my heart aches over this! but it heals because of how courageous and strong you are to even talk about it when it's something that many women don't talk about! ro and i send all our love, hugs and kisses to you, noah, mark and cailean's way babe 

madelenafeehilyhendrick stormykeating thank you for the kind words stormy. i love you and ronan so much, your guys' support has been amazing! 

jodialbert you are superwoman, madelena! thank you for speaking up about this even though it's difficult, you'll help a lot of women out there by posting about this my darling 

madelenafeehilyhendrick jodialbert oh shut up, jodi! but, i agree, i was at first hesitant but quickly realised that if i do talk about it, it'll be a lot more helpful than just ignoring it and not talking about it! 

just as noah hendrick, madelena hendrick nee feehily's husband predicted and maybe even manifested, two weeks after posting about the miscarriage of mark and cailean's first baby girl via surrogacy, madelena found out that after her most recent injection of ivf that she was once again pregnant with mark and cailean's baby. and it was predicted that baby feehily was going to be due in october of 2019. however, for the safety and consolation of both families, hendricks and feehily's, they didn't announce the pregnancy until the croke park twenty show when mark mentioned that, once again, he and cailean were going to become parents to a little girl and thanked his sister madelena. since she was, once again, carrying the baby as the surrogate. and madelena announced it with some photos of her through a series of pregnancy bumpdates to her instagram with the sweetest caption. but that was until after mark had announced it on stage so let's just say it was just happy news on top of happy news after what was such devastation for madelena, mark and cailean. 

croke park show

"---good evening croke park, dublin!" mark announces after the band sings their 2003 record of the year hit, mandy as the crowd cheers

"this is westlife's twenty tour! we are so proud to be back on this stage in front of all of you guys, umm, the twenty tour is here and we are here to celebrate the memory of twenty years of westlife so, we're here to say a massive thank you to each and every one of you... i gotta say, and i said this last night too and i nearly started crying but uh, hopefully, i'll be a bit more together tonight but i'm about to become a father..." mark pauses as the crowd screams and cheers 

"thank you... it has been a tough time since madelena, my sister and our surrogate miscarried earlier in the year... but i'm becoming a dad to a little girl..." the crowd screams even more as he then hears his bandmates, kian, nicky and shane cheer and applaud, making mark laugh as well as madelena and noah who were watching from the barricades in front of the stage 

"...i didn't tell anyone that until now, i just wanna say something..." mark gets cut off by his bandmates' cheers and excitement, making him chuckle as he continues 

"...yeah, that..that's an exclusive, uh but, seriously what i wanna say is that when she comes into this world you know, twenty years ago, i was a very different person and i'm very very proud to stand here and be the person i am today and i'm so proud..." the cheers from the crowd slightly overwhelm mark as he pauses before continuing 

"...i'm so proud to be here in ireland and to feel so at home and to feel so comfortable and welcome and i c... i can't tell you how proud and can't wait for her to grow up in this wonderful country--" mark then continues his speech into the introduction to the next song, "if i let you go", after dedicating the song to all the pregnant ladies in the audience 

madelena couldn't help but tear up as she watched her brother get so excited to announce that this time, he was really going to become a father and that she was going to give him his little baby girl after thinking he wasn't going to be able to be a dad. 

then, she cried even more when mark sang to her during his verse, ultimately thanking her, his little sister, for making his one true wish finally come true. shane, kian and nicky then interacted with her and her husband during the song and then after a couple more songs, it was a break in between quick changes and they got to give a quick set of hugs and kisses to madelena and baby feehily. 

~

by the time the concert finished, it seemed as though everyone on twitter, instagram, and facebook even, were talking about the fact that mark and cailean were becoming dad's again after the miscarriage of their first one. now, all the fans were waiting for was the actual confirmation by madelena so, madelena gave her fans and the westlife fans what they were waiting for and did confirm that she was pregnant with mark and cailean's baby girl. 

liked by markusmoments, caileano, jodialbert, noahhendrick, kianegan, nickybyrneinsta, shanefilanofficial, gillianfilansligo, georginaahernbyrne, rokeating and 9k others

madelenafeehilyhendrick it's an honour and privilege to announce that the rumours you heard on stage from mark are true. i am indeed pregnant again with mark and cailean's little baby girl. it was as though my husband had either manifested it or just knew that two weeks after posting about the miscarriage of our first shot at giving mark and cailean their baby girl, i fell pregnant again. and, shockingly, i was a lot further along that i originally thought. so, i am so very pleased to announce that baby girl feehily will be ready to pop out sometime around october. it devastated me, as i documented, that i miscarried what would have been my brother and brother-in-law's first baby. but, finding out i was pregnant again after another ivf shot i couldn't believe how blessed i was to be able to get a second chance at making my brother's wish and dream come true. i love you and cailean so much mark, having the privilege to give you guys your little girl has been the best thing i've ever done. because, genuinely, all i've ever wanted in my life has been to see my older brother be happy and have his own litlte family. having the opportunity to give him a little girl like i've said many times, is the best thing in the entire world. the countdown for little baby feehily is now just getting serious!

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markusmoments jesus christ, madelena, i love you so much! watching you this entire time you've carried baby feehily has been astounding, you are truly a pro at this! i cannot wait for the day we meet her! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick markusmoments i love you even more marky! and thank you, you're too kind, if i'm a pro, what are you because you've also been spectacular as well! and i can't wait either, it's going to be the best day ever! 

caileano ahh, it's getting so close! it feels like we can just touch baby feehily's due date and she'll be here soon! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick caileano i know right? it's going to fly by so quickly and then boom, you and marky will be daddies to a beautiful little girl forever and ever! 

jodialbert this post has made me so happy! seeing mark get to announce, again, to a crowd of many that he's becoming a father but also to a little girl was for sure a moment that'll be unforgettable 

madelenafeehilyhendrick jodialbert oh tell me about it! i wanted to post it before mark announced it but i decided to wait since i wanted him to announce it before anyone else could. and i know, i was bawling my eyes out when he announced it, especially when i noticed the reactions of kian, nicky and shane behind him! 

noahhendrick wow, this is my wife, everybody! i cannot wait for us to meet baby feehily 

madelenafeehilyhendrick noahhendrick oh shut up babe! and i can't either! it'll be a moment unforgettable 

kianegan i still cannot believe mark waited until the show tonight to tell us that the baby's a little girl! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick kianegan you're telling me?! i thought you guys already knew! which is probably why i started bawling my eyes out when i saw your guys' reactions on stage lol

nickybyrneinsta not gonna lie, i was a little bit stunned and maybe teary-eyed when mark announced his baby's going to be a girl 

madelenafeehilyhendrick nickybyrneinsta so was i! i genuinely thought he had already told you three! 

shanefilanofficial wow, still not over the fact he and cailean will be girl dads! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick shanefilanofficial so am i and i'm carrying the baby girl for them! 

gillianfilansligo mark and cailean will be the best daddies in the entire world! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick gillianfilansligo here here gillian! i agree! 

georginaahernbyrne this post is so wholesome! i am still bouncing from wall to wall with the news that it's a little girl! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick georginaahernbyrne if only i wasn't heavily preggers with baby feehily, i'd be joining you on this wall-to-wall bouncing thing you've got going on! 

rokeating oh this is just spectacular news! i'm so glad you didn't give up trying! 

madelenafeehilyhendrick rokeating oh, thank you so much ronan! you're too sweet! noah, the kids and i send all our love to you and stormy xx

~

then, on october 1st 2019 at 7:27 pm, little baby feehily was born safely. in a hospital in america since, for those who don't know, domestic surrogacy is illegal and not regulated in ireland so for every single scan, madelena and her husband noah and the majority of the time, their three children, arlo, michaela and noelle, would travel to america for the scans of baby feehily. 

to announce the arrival of baby feehily, fans had to wait until the 3rd of october before they got to see the post of the happy fathers with their baby girl. 

liked by madelenafeehilyhendrick, bykiki._, noahhendrick and 9k others

markusmoments baby layla born safe & sound @ 7.27pm on october 1st 2019! we're the happiest dads in the world! ❤️👶🇮🇪🌈😘 x

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madelenafeehilyhendrick the sweetest baby girl in the world! i love you and adore you layla girl 😘

noahhendrick gorgeous, just like her daddies! 

jodialbert i feel like christmas came early! i love you 3 so much 💙💕💙

markfeehilyfan congratulations mark and cailean! layla is gorgeous 

username congratulations mark and cailean! and congratulations to your sister madelena for healthily delivering her 💕

liked by markusmoments, caileano, noahhendrick, kianegan and 8k others

madelenafeehilyhendrick born on the 1st of october, here she is everyone, little layla girl was born safe and sound. it is my greatest joy to give her over to her two wonderful daddies, mark and cailean, after carrying her for just over 8 months. i love you so much baby girl and i just know that you have the best daddies in the entire world. you are so loved already my darling layla, welcome to the feehily family, i'm sure you'll love it 🤍🤍🌈

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markusmoments she's just gorgeous! thank you so much for carrying her for all these months! you and noah will always have an important part in layla's life! 

caileano thank you so much, madelena! thank you for giving us our little layla! 

noahhendrick isn't she just a gorgeous little girl? 

kianegan oh, what a gorgeous girl she is! she is already so loved! congratulations mark and cailean and to you, madelena, for carrying her and then giving her to her rightful daddies 

username congratulations mark and cailean! and well-done madelena for carrying her for those 8 months! i can already tell that there'll be a special connection between her and her aunty madelena 

jodialbert layla is going to be the most gorgeous and loved little girl in the world! 

baby layla was born safe and sound... mark got his one true wish to come true... he has finally got his missing piece... he's the father to an already beautiful little girl, layla feehily with his partner cailean.

fin

the first time i wrote this was the first time i had ever written something like this and i remember being so proud of myself and honestly, i still am proud of this! even though i think i like my nicky version a little bit better!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

so much blood💔

pairing : mark feehily x fem!sister reader

summary : mark's sister, madelena, at a westlife concert, suffers from an awfully traumatic late miscarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. she had been carrying the baby that would have been her brother mark's and his partner cailean's baby when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely for five minutes until mark's bandmates' wives find her. 

warnings : mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, a surrogate for her brother and his partner, older brother x mark 

a/n : yet again, this is a reused one-shot that i have written before and whilst i hate giving mark such a sad first imagine, it was either this one or a very cute but very short one which i think will be my next mark one-shot. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone.

attending westlife concerts with the rest of the westlife family was most probably madelena feehily's, mark feehily's younger sister's, favourite thing to do. but most especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be mark and his partner, cailean's future child. which made this whole reunion tour all the more special for everyone now that mark was now adding one of his own to the growing westlife family. however, recently, madelena had been having some strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back. however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a miscarriage whilst trying to give her brother and brother-in-law a child coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, madelena just didn't think it mention it to her midwife. or anyone really at this stage. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be madelena's first one either. madelena already has kids of her own, three to be exact, but in her last pregnancy, whilst she did make it to the delivery of her baby, it was clouded with heartbreak because the baby was born sleeping. at 38 weeks and she had promised herself, as well as her own partner, that after that, she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until her brother mark and his partner had been researching on how they themselves could become parents and if they were even able to since they are gay and physically cannot become pregnant when they found out about the world of surrogacy. that was when madelena, even whilst carrying the grief of the loss of what would have been her fourth child, put her hand up and volunteered to be the surrogate for her brother and brother-in-law's child. which, obviously, mark and cailean were and are forever grateful for so, when madelena finally fell pregnant with what would be mark and caliean's first child, excitement immediately began building. not just around the feehily's and o'neil's but also in the westlife extended family. all madelena had been positively manifesting was a happy, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for her older brother and brother-in-law. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in madelena's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she had her stillborn. so, already, madelena felt as though with baby feehily-o'neil that she was completely out of the danger zone in regards to miscarrying or having a stillbirth after the delivery. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that madelena had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy for her brother just this past week gave her so much comfort and safety. because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her brother everything he had ever wanted; a child.

whilst madelena and the westwives (and fiancé) gillian, jodi, georgina and cailean were on their way backstage, to the wings where they would watch their husbands (and brother) on stage, a conversation insued. they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of mark and cailean's baby that madelena was carrying and whether or not the fiancés had come up with names.

"---so, whilst you look divine being preggers with marky and cailean's baby, mads, have they come up with names for the little feehily yet?" gillian asks as madelena and cailean giggled, giving each other the side-eye whilst jodi and georgina smiled at each other, madelena rubbing the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really, gill. i don't think they're not really focused on names just yet. i mean, i know mark isn't but, obviously i can't speak for cailean. but, all that is known is that our brothers know the gender so, i think mark and cailean are waiting for that," madelena spoke before cailean ndded his head in agreement with his sister-in-law as his eyes sparkled at the baby bump that was his future child

"yeah, just like mark and madelena, no names have really been considered since we're still waiting for the gender to be revealed to us so, when barry and collin announce it, that's when i think mark and i will think up of names but, until then, the baby's name is baby feehily," cailean chuckles as the girls all nod their heads and smile brightly as jodi speaks up

"well, no matter what gender baby feehily is going to be, you and mark will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," jodi coos as she rubbed her hot hand across madelena's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the surrogate mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which madelena had not once been experiencing unlike her last pregnancy, she quickly and without words excused herself from the wives and fiancé to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that madelena could use. 

~

"--hello london! how are we feeling tonight?!" mark cheers into his microphone as he laughs at the enthusiasm of the london crowd in front of him 

mark then continued on with the little speech about the acoustic medley section of the show. this was the section of the show in which they sing small snippets of their old songs throughout the first fourteen years of their back catalogue. then, he went on to introduce the first song of that set after their "i have a dream" cover was their 2002 hit "unbreakable". 

"--this next song, uhh, actually, when kian used to introduce it years ago, he would do this big speech about how westlife... are... unbreakable, but then we split up..." mark pauses as everyone giggles, kian and shane doubling over in laughter as nicky just shakes his head 

then the boys joked about how, even though they did split up, they were now back together, so technically, westlife are still unbreakable! which, to be fair, is not an incorrect statement to make! 

"...so technically, we are unbreakable... honestly, it's been amazing being back on tour with not only the lads but with all the families backstage we have a lotta fun, we have dinner every night, with the kids and the families and the wives and the fiancés and it's a lotta fun..." 

"...it's one big family and it's about to get bigger in a few months' time---"

"---marky's having a baby!" 

"so a big shout out to all the pregnant ladies in the audience, but especially my sister, madelena since she is actually carrying the baby! so, big up my little sister! and i think i actually gave away the title of this song so..." mark chuckled, as did the other lads as backstage, the westwives and fiancé all smiled lovingly at the mention of madelena carrying mark and cailean's child

then, the cords for unbreakable began to play and the lads started to sing. mark felt like he was on cloud nine after announcing that he was about to become a father, i mean, who wouldn't feel like that. madelena for sure felt like she was on cloud nine and it wasn't even her child that she was giving birth to. however, throughout unbreakable and the happiness of the baby announcement, fear started to spread through the backstage area. as cailean and gillian ran through the o2 to find baz whelan who was the band's security guard so they could tell baz that mark was urgently needed backstage. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the acoustic medley until it got to around the halfway point when the lads were joking around about what song was better, bop bop baby or fool again when baz ran up onto the stage. making the crowd make noises of confusion whilst others squealed that the security guard was on stage. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, baz made a beeline straight to mark. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, mark lowered his microphone, and baz started whispering something into mark's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. the other three lads, nicky, kian and shane, with confused faces watched on but still tried to keep some energy up by mumbling small song tunes under their breaths to keep the audience occupied as their confused faces turned into looks of concern. as within seconds, mark's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up to look at baz.

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for his stool, mark wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at mark, nicky, since he was sat right next to mark, grabbed mark's microphone from the floor as baz shot him and the other two lads a look of "i'll tell you three later"  

the other three all looked at each other in concern for their youngest bandmate and also now at the crowd who were waiting in nervous anticipation as to what the hell had just happened and why mark just ran off stage. 

baz then spoke up, with mark's microphone that nicky had just handed him, "i am awfully sorry everyone. everything is fine, mark just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency. as of right now, everything is okay and all parties involved are okay. i am not entirely sure when mark will be back on stage. however, for the rest of this set, nicky, kian and shane will continue whilst mark takes care of what's happening backstage," baz announces as the other three bandmates, whilst absolutely fearful of what could be going on backstage right now, give each other comforting looks and decide to continue on with the acoustic set without mark 

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, shrouded in worry, erupts into cheers and baz walked off stage trying his best to maintain his cool and not let his facade to crumble. especially since he was the only one that actually knew what was happening backstage (and that everything was anything but okay). nicky, kian and shane, now knowing that whatever was happening backstage that involved mark, would be told to them later on, terrified them. yet they had to mask that fear and continue the show because not only were they just told to by their security guard but also by their fans reactions. and, it wouldn't be the first time that these lads have sung after a tragedy so, why was this time seeming harder to do when they didn't know about the emergency happening backstage? 

~

bursting out of the backstage wings and through the back rooms of the o2, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past, mark demanded answers as to what was going on. especially due to the fact it was in regard to his sister, madelena. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of madelena's screams and cries of desperation. 

jodi and georgina were on the ground, desperately trying to coax madelena to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door. standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw mark, nicky's wife spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, cailean made the call to 911, any minute they should be arriving," georgina was updating mark, well, trying to as it seemed as if mark was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" mark's usual soft tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was madelena repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small bouts of screeches to herself 

out of breathe, with baz and cailean right beside her, gillian mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as jodi and georgina shook their heads as gillian and cailean turned their attention to mark who was looking for answers, which jodi gave to him 

"in all honesty mark, we have no idea what happened," jodi shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friend and family, "we were all having a sweet and nice conversation about baby feehily and names and just having a right old laugh when madelena just suddenly got up off the floor and quietly excused herself to the bathroom, no words spoken. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried and i went over to knock on the door to check in on her but, before i could even get there, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for us, that was when i told gillian and cailean to grab baz to grab you, so, sorry for having to grab you off stage but, maybe, for you, mark, she'll open it?" 

mark shook his head at jodi's apology for making him walk off stage during a show as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forehead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "mads? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, mark tried a second time, "madelena, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his sister was potentially injured whilst pregnant with his and his fiancé's baby and he had no clue what to do to help her

a few seconds when past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i-i can't marky, please, go-go away! there-there's so-so mu-much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

mark tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his sister and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, maddy, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from madelena suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his sister did move out of the way, as his fiancé, jodi, gillian, georgina and baz watched on in fear. mark jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood. 

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was madelena surrounded and sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and touching herself to self-regulate herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world, only stripping off the denim jacket that he was provided by the stylists and ripping off his in-ears, chucking them aimlessly at baz, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into mark's brain was to comfort his baby sister. dropping to his knees, he slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where madelena was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side, her chin resting on mark's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. mark was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small as his sister could have this much blood rush out of them. 

"i'm so sorry marky," madelena whispered out ever so quietly to the point where mark could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

cailean, jodi, gillian and georgina looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, cailean gave one last look to his fiancé and sister-in-law before he also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, madelena?" mark whispered as he rocked his little sister back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught sister 

"baby..." was all madelena could at first whisper, which confused mark 

"...baby? what do you mean baby, maddy, what's happened, babe?" mark pushed for some more answers as madelena's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened 

mark hugged his little sister tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or lash out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do with his and cailean's child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his sister. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, madelena once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i-i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as mark felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh maddy! i am so sorry babe!" mark whispered as he pulled his sister closer to him, his lips smooshed against her dark auburn hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the two siblings sat on the bloodied up floor for what felt like hours whilst the westlife concert continued on stage before paramedics ran through the hallways of backstage before reaching the feehily siblings and the rest of the westlife spouses. in a strange way, relief flooded mark's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his sister. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his sister was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics of their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of madelena and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to madelena. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never.

~

mark picked up madelena and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his sister to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the westlife concert inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and the joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us?" 

turning around to face the man, mark gulped, "umm, uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can," 

the 50ish-year-old paramedic nodded his head, telling mark the name of the hospital they were sending his sister to, making sure cailean was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his sister and fiancé when mark was finally alone and he felt himself walking back into the backstage area of the arena, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his sister, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and cailean's loss but also his sister's, especially since it hadn't even been that long since the loss of her fourth child. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his sister just released from his body in violent jolts, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering his entire body from his legs to his upper chest. not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, nicky had been calling out his name, kian and shane not that far behind nicky.

mark's raw, bloodshot, itchy eyes met up with nicky, kian and shane's worried ones, "hey, marky, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before mark collapsed into nicky's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the blonde's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also mark, nicky doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaky, sobbing, bloodied-up mark as he holds him tightly. encouraging the younger lad to continue to cry over the emergency that still, nicky, kian or shane had no knowledge of. 

"that's it marky, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

~

...mark had just incoherently tried to explain to nicky, kian and shane about the emergency that had happened backstage that had caused him to miss the rest of the acoustic set. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing through their bloodstreams. urging for mark to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which the westlife wives had walked in on their husbands trying to comfort their fellow bandmate. 

that was when, with some encouragement, jodi came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "nicky, what mark's trying to say is, madelena was hanging out with us and cailean, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, madelena wordlessly got up from her spot and rushed off into the bathroom. four minutes later, after becoming worried cause she never spends that much time in the bathroom, let alone four whole minutes, i went to check on her only to find that she had locked the door. but even before i went to open the door, i just heard her scream and refused to open the door. that was when we got gillian and cailean to get baz to grab mark off stage and then, that was when we came to the realisation that madelena had gone into stillbirth, the-the baby's gone..." jodi's voice faltered at the end as mark let out a sob as nicky held him tighter, kian and shane both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes

covering his mouth with his hand, shane softly spoke up, "... oh, maddy... where is she and cailean? have they gone to the hospital?" shane's voice also faltered as jodi nodded her head, confirming something that she knew mark couldn't out loud

"yeah, shay, the paramedics found out that the foetus was still inside madelena so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby because if the baby isn't removed, it's not just the baby we could potentially lose," jodi sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as nicky once again squeezed mark tightly as kian gestured to shane to say that they should go over and help nicky comfort mark 

and, without another word, kian and shane squeezed into mark and nicky's hug as they all, nicky included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been the tenth westlife baby. the westwives, jodi, georgina and gillian, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried and grieved together before they realised that they had left cailean all alone with madelena. 

but, before they left, nicky whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

~

now that it was well known within the london o2 that madelena had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital, the rest of the westlife concert had been cancelled since the band knew they couldn't and wouldn't continue the show as a three-piece and leave mark in the hospital on his own with cailean. so, within minutes, all four bandmates and the three wives had all changed from their concert outfits and rushed out of the arena to baz's van to get to the hospital that mark had been told that madelena had been driven to. 

however, this whole time, mark's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his bandmates had seen mark cry this much over anything. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all mark ever wanted to be in his life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before kian got into the car with mark, he realised that he still hadn't gotten changed and was holding his clean clothes

so, to calm their distraught bandmate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, kian this time speaks up, "hey, mark, come on, look at me buddy, look at kian!" pushing him away, mark still does what he's told and makes eye contact with kian

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, cailean and madelena will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you out. and eventually, madelena will help give you and cailean the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and into this car so we can get to that goddamn hospital because out of everyone here right now, madelena needs you, cailean needs you and you need your sister and your fiancé!" wiping his tears away, mark nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and bandmate

but not before looking down and realising, kian was right, mark did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied clothes, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i-i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." mark hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the venue so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his bandmates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through nicky's heart, it smacked kian across the face and it just broke shane's heart to see how distressed and unconsolable mark had been. to the point that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up clothes this entire time whilst everyone else had before walking to baz's van. mark then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied clothes and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and crew neck sweater along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside, kian waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to madelena and cailean. 

~

madelena couldn't believe that her body had once again, in the span of what was only a few months, failed her. all she wanted to do was to give her brother and brother-in-law a goddamn baby and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of losing her fourth baby was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was normal to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby that she was pregnant with was her brother's just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had failed mark and cailean since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her brother ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of cailean, "...hey babe, you're awake, i'll get the nurse--"

"--cailean, where...where's marky? i..i need to apologise to him, and...and you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry cailean! i didn't mean to lose the baby i--"

"--hey, hey, no, maddy! we will not be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of me and mark's baby! i don't blame you, mark doesn't blame you, no one blames you madelena! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" cailean stressed as madelena timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her brother 

"do you know when mark will get here?" madelena then timidly asked as cailean sighed, he could tell that madelena was trying to stop cailean from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't babe but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" cailean smiled softly as madelena timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down cailean's spine 

"thank you, maddy and, mark shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads and wives since they will have also been made aware. now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" cailean winked at the end as madelena breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited 

~

by the time mark and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his sister's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her brother had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the dads to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him. even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped mark apart knowing that not only did madelena have to through the surgery alone since cailean is not considered "family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye.

"...please maddy, babe, say something, just anything." mark whispered out in a teary beg to his sister as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her brother in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her brother and therefore everyone else 

"i-i... i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." madelena whimpered out in a whisper as mark choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his sister as they cried together

then, they moved from the hug and madelena invited cailean in so the dads could go over to the cot and meet their child for the first time...

...the child that was going to be their baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

shane, kian and nicky all cried as they watched their bandmate and fiancé grieve over the loss of what would have been the third westlife baby girl.

"...we were going to have a baby girl cailean..." 

"...our precious little diva marky..." 

fin

this is the mark version i think i may have mentioned on my nicky version! and i don't know which version i like better, mark's or nicky's!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

talk me down💔

pairing : kian egan x sister!fem reader

summary : kayeleigh egan has to be talked down from committing suicide after she struggles to come to terms with the death of her and her family's dad, kevin, to cancer. the person that talks her down is none other than her older brother, kian egan.

warnings : description and action of a suicide attempt, crying, yelling, swearing, older brother!kian, stopping someone from killing themself

a/n : sorry that it's another sad one-shot but, i adore westlife's song, "talk me down" from their "where we are" album so, yeah that's why i decided to write this. lyrics will be in bold italics and this will be written in lowercase. if there are any, flashbacks will be written in italics whilst everything else will be written in normal font.

i'm too tried to go to bed, i'm too wired for anything except the crossfire in my head  

the entire egan family knew that something wasn't right with their youngest daughter and sister, kayeleigh. and they knew exactly what had caused it as well, they just didn't realise how bad it had actually gotten. it had only been a couple of months since the patriarch of the egan family, kevin egan, had passed away due to a cancer battle that he had battled through for a little bit of a year and kayeleigh had no idea how to handle it. after the funeral, kayeleigh felt as though she was running on autopilot.  she was way too tired to go to bed, too wired for anything except for the constant gunfire that went through her head every single second of every single day. all she wanted was to have her dad come home. this sudden loss had thrown her family dynamics so off-wack that she had no idea how anyone in her house was able to wake up every single morning and just continue as if nothing had happened.  and, one day, her brother noticed how far down his younger sister had fallen and tried to help her. 

"...kayeleigh, are you okay babe?" kian's, kayeleigh's older brother's voice rang out from behind the blonde girl

turning around, kayeleigh simply blinked at her brother, "hmm, sorry kian, what did you say?" for the first time basically since the funeral, the brother and sister actually looked at each other for more than a second or two, making proper eye contact with one another 

kian had finally noticed the state his younger sister was in and that it was basically the same grievous state that he was in. and that it wasn't just him that was crying every single day. kayeleigh also noticed that it wasn't just her that was crying every single day when she finally looked at kian for more than just a split second. the both of them had both been crying nearly every single day and not once did either of them realise it. neither of them realised because they didn't think about the possibility of the other sibling possibly even understanding the other one's pain. because, kian and kayeleigh had completely different relationships with their father. 

after some silence, kian spoke up again, "i was asking you if you were okay, kayeleigh. you've been flying on autopilot a little bit and were wondering if you needed someone to talk to," kian questioned which shocked kayeleigh 

not that kian was a crappy brother to his sister, he just usually was never this available to spend all the time in the world that he wanted to with his family because he'd usually be on tour or doing promotion with westlife. but, because of the year off the band was taking, not really returning until later on in the year, kian had all the time in the world to spend with his family and, just as well the band did because, the thought of having to deal with the loss of their father whilst at work with westlife would have been hell on earth for kian.

  "that...that would be really nice actually, thanks kian," kayeleigh whispered as kian breathed out a sigh of relief 

so, kian took his younger sister aside and they had a conversation. it involved tears, some laughter and every single memory the brother and sister could remember they had with their dad. 

"...hey, kayeleigh, do you remember the time that dad tried to run after colm and fenella but because colm had shut the door behind the both of them, dad ran head first into the glass door?" kian giggled as kayeleigh nodded her head as she too started to laugh 

"oh yeah, i remember that quite clearly actually. didn't fenella dob on colm or something or was it the other way around?" kayeleigh giggled as she fiddled with the rings on her fingers 

"umm, actually, i don't think either of them dobbed on each other, i think dad just laughed at himself and mentioned something about how he should have paid more attention to what colm was doing rather than focusing on chasing them," kian chuckled, scratching an itch on his cheek as kayeleigh nodded her head, the memory slightly starting to come back 

"ahh, okay, that makes sense. do you remember the time that dad started to dance with mum but didn't realise he hadn't pressed play on the song so, for a good few minutes, they were dancing in complete silence?" kayeleigh chuckled as kian's head flew back as he laughed as well, his head shaking 

"umm, no? when did this happen?" kian chuckled as he looked shocked, how was he not told this story? 

"oh, that's unfortunate because it was so bloody funny! it must have been when you were doing album promotion with westlife because it was literally the day that i think face to face was released. literally, dad was trying to coerce mum to dance with him to you raise me up but she had been reluctant because i think she was wanting to wait for you to come home from album promotion so we could listen to the album together. however, dad was really adamant about wanting her to dance with him and, she agreed to dance only dad had forgotten to press play on the radio and didn't realise until like, mum just stopped dancing because she couldn't hear any music and had to turn on the radio herself," kayeleigh's chuckles faded as kian rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, that was something that would be very typical of their father 

"wow, i cannot believe i missed that! i would have loved to have seen that," kian chuckled as kayeleigh nodded her head in agreement and she quickly looked out of her bedroom windows to notice that it had gotten quite late in the night 

kian had also noticed how late it had gotten. slowly got up from his spot on his sister's bed and decided it was time to let his sister try to get some sleep and for him to get some as well. 

"it's getting late and it's been a long night. goodnight kayeleigh, i really appreciated this chat and i hope you did too. i love you, babe," kian whispered, giving a quick kiss to his sister who smiled softly back 

"goodnight kian, i appreciated this chat as well, it was really well-needed. i love you too, kino," kayeleigh whispered back, accepting the kiss from her brother before she waved him out of her room and closed the door behind him 

then, finally, she released the breath she had been keeping inside of her for what felt like an eternity. 

it's been a long night, cause i took all i can take, 'til the walls shook and the windows break.

it seemed as though kian's conversation with his sister kayeleigh worked. it seemed as though kayeleigh was really engaged in the conversation of remembering their father and all the fun times they had. however, it had truly been a long night for kayeleigh, taking all she could until the walls in her head shook and the windows broke. kian left his sister alone, retreating back to his childhood room, thinking he had possibly saved her yet, he didn't think to check again after that night and he fell asleep. sure, he had a tight feeling in his chest but, he'd had that feeling since the day their dad died so by this point, kian was used to that pain, managing to get up and get on with it every passing day because, if he didn't do that, he would never be able to do it again. and he didn't want that. he had to be strong since he was one of the oldest of the seven kids. he had to be the example for the rest of the siblings and also be brave and take care of their mother who had lost the love of her life. 

kayeleigh really wasn't coping well at all. i mean, who could blame the young girl, she had truly thought that her father was invincible, i mean, what young child doesn't? she thought her dad was recovering better and that his cancer treatment was working. why didn't it work? why didn't that treatment keep her dad alive? it was supposed to keep him alive so why didn't it? 

kayeleigh was suddenly conflicted with emotions and started to become mad. woah. that's scary, she wasn't one to get mad nor was she one to run down the stairs to the beer fridge. grabbing her phone from the table with a beer in her hand, her hand hovered over one specific person in her phone contacts.

  i want to phone you but it's far too late, it's been a long night

her finger was hovering over her dad's contact, wanting to phone him but she couldn't. she knew she couldn't. she had waited too late. kayeleigh wasn't at the sligo general hospital when her dad passed away peacefully in the arms of his wife, kayeleigh and kian's mother. the reason why kayeleigh wasn't at the hospital was that she wasn't even in ireland, let alone sligo. she was in wales for university and got the unfortunate call that their father had died a few hours later. 

why didn't kayeleigh call him that very same day? she would have had the chance to hear her dad's voice one last time. she would have had the chance to say that she loved her dad one last time. she would have had the chance to say all that she wanted to say before she got the call from kian that changed the course of the rest of her life as she knew it. the news that caused kayeleigh's and the family's world to be halted to the roughest stop ever. 

brother kian 

"come on, kayeleigh, pick up the fucking..."

"...kian? what in god's name are you ringing me for buddy? i'm in class at uni!'

"oh shit, you weren't told? mum didn't text you or ring you or anything?"

"about what kian? what's happened? is dad okay?" 

"she didn't tell you? oh my fucking...crap!" 

"kian, what's going on? i was getting multiple notifications from marielle and fenella but they weren't telling me anything specific! just to expect a call from you at some point. what happened?"

"dad's gone, kayeleigh..."

"he's gone? what do you mean about gone, kian? has he like, run away? he can't run he's--"

"--no, babe, kayeleigh, dad's de-dead"

"dad-dad's dead? kian, you have to be joking? i'm literally not even at home and he's just dead? why didn't he ring me? why didn't i ring him? how? i-i can't just leave uni, kian!" 

"yes, you can babe, jodi's on her way to the uni now. she'll be landing in less than five minutes. the university has been told already, just moments before i've rung you." 

"where are you? does jodi know where my dorm is specifically?" 

"i'm with mum back home, we're doing all the phone calls and everything else. and yes, jodi does know babe, she's pretty confident and she'll take the best care of you, i promise!" 

"i don't doubt jodi won't. and okay, is mum okay? and are you okay, kian?" 

"i don't either, mum's destroyed, babe, she held him as he died and, honestly, i don't know but, i'll feel better when you and jodi come home." 

"okay, i'll see you then? i love you kian, take care of mum please" 

"you will and, i love you too kayeleigh and i will, and you and jodi take care of each other too!" 

"we will, love you, bye" 

"bye" 

however, she didn't care. even after that flashback. at this point, she was raging and she just wanted to see what would happen if she did ring her dad's number. would it still be connected to him? would the number now be someone else's? would that potential person pick up the phone? what would happen if kayeleigh just, rings her dad's phone number? 

so she did. 

daddy

"...hey daddy, it...it's kayeleigh. i know this is weird but i--" 

"--i'm-i'm sorry, but who is this?" 

kayeleigh froze at the strange female voice on the other end of the phone. that wasn't her father's voice at all, not even her father's voicemail voice that included her mum's interruption. it was a young girl, she sounded like she was maybe a year or two older than kayeleigh herself.  her dad's number was no longer connected to her dad.  even more frustrated and upset, kayeleigh screamed out, shockingly not alerting anyone else in her family and threw her phone to the floor after hanging up the stranger's voice on the other end. before she fully left her phone to charge as she walked back up to her bedroom, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small text from who she assumed was the young girl who had been given her dad's old phone number. 

daddy 

i don't know who this is or what it is you're going through but, if you ever need someone to chat with, about anything, you can talk to me. i was given this new number because my old one got hacked by a crazy ex-boyfriend of mine. we don't even need to exchange names, we can just talk and remain strangers. i do hope you're okay and, i'm sorry that i wasn't your dad on the other end of the phone

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down

shortly after that phone situation, kayeleigh found her way back to her room and found herself falling asleep even though she would never be able to explain how. she didn't even remember changing into her pyjamas or how she slid herself into her bed but, the next day she woke up, she had indeed gotten herself out of her clothes from the day and got herself into her pyjamas and then into the covers of her bed before falling asleep.  however, it was this day that the straw broke the camel's back and she couldn't deal with feeling this continuous grief all the time, every single day. she hated that she was still alive but her dad wasn't. so, late at night, she decided that she'd drive to a bridge, wearing nothing but a crop top and her fluffy pyjama pants and a pair of socks. 

cause we fought an endless war, 'til we forget what we were fighting for, now, we can't stop, but we can withdraw in the long night 

the whole family saw what their dad and husband's cancer did to the family. they were always a strong, close-knit family but the strain it put on the family was still apparent. hence why no one seemed to notice that kayeleigh had gone out into the night to clearly end her life because she thought she couldn't do it without her father alive.  as tears streamed down kayeleigh's face, the wind blowing through her hair and her face, she just sat on top of the bridge, her legs swinging against the side of the bridge that she sat on. with her phone in her hand, she contemplated ringing the number of the girl that was now connected to her dad's old number. but then, she knew she'd be told to get off the bridge and call 999. and she didn't want that, kayeleigh didn't want to be talked down, not really. if anything, she just wanted to have the feeling of being suicidal, to her, feeling this amount of grief was a whole new experience to her. it scared her that she was feeling this way every single day since losing her father.   suddenly, the funeral for her dad went through her mind. she remembered that day as though it was yesterday. 

kayeleigh sat in the front pew at the cathedral of the immaculate conception, her older brother kian on one side of her and their sister marielle on the other, jodi, kian's wife, on the other side of kian. she felt like she couldn't breathe, her chest felt heavy and she felt like she needed an escape route. she couldn't stay here. her heart was racing, her entire body was trembling. everyone's eyes and even some cameras outside of the church were on her and the rest of her family. she needed an out but she couldn't find one. 

kian's hand then left hers as he and the rest of westlife had gone up to the altar to perform "you raise me up". shane had barely started the first verse when kian's tears started, mark's arm around kian's shoulder to comfort him and kayeleigh really couldn't stay in this cathedral any longer. she couldn't deal with seeing her brother so upset. so, she left, she got up and she left. she could tell this would break the hearts of her family, especially her mother and kian's hearts but, she just couldn't stomach staying in that goddarn church as she watched people she didn't even know cry and pay their respects to the man she had known her whole life.

it felt like an eternity when people started to filter out of the church and past the egan girl. giving her hugs and their condolences, she thanked each of them, the three westlife members the last ones to do so. by the time the majority of the people had filtered out, there was one person there that was obvious to kayeleigh. it was kian. taking a big breath in, kayeleigh pushed the church door open, closing it behind her and walked back to the front of the huge and holy place that had just held her father's funeral where her brother was sitting down. his blonde hair looked messy and as though it had been hiding away in someone's shoulder as he cried or as though he hadn't had any energy to properly style it for the funeral service at all. 

softly tapping her brother's shoulder, kayeleigh squished to sit down next to her brother, "isn't jodi waiting for you?" kayeleigh whispered, her voice hoarse from the crying she had spent doing in the foyer of the church privately 

kian cleared his throat, "no, she-uh, she's helping take care of mam..." kian trailed off as kayeleigh nodded her head

"...ahh, okay..." the brother and sister couldn't think of anything else to say since kayeleigh did get up and leave during westlife's performance, though she could still hear it and, truthfully, it was the best part of the entire service

but unfortunately though, the moment kayeleigh did decide to get up and leave, kian managed to compose himself to look up from the floor to look at his younger sister, only to see that the very sister had up and left. kayeleigh knew that when kian saw that, it would have increased his grief because she had promised him that she'd be right there for him if he needed someone to focus on rather than their more than distraught mother. and, when he did look up to take comfort in his sister, she was gone but he could hear her close the door at the end of the middle aisle of the cathedral, where she had exited. 

after a few more beats of silence between the brother and sister, kayeleigh's shaky right hand slid across to kian's left hand. touching her brother's hand softly, she signalled to her brother that she needed his comfort and grabbed ahold of his hand. kian's heart broke and more tears that he had successfully fought off slipped down his cheeks as he immediately gripped his little sister's hand.

"kian...i miss dad..." kayeleigh whimpered as kian tightened his grip on his little sister's hand

"...i miss him too, bug" kian sniffled as he then pulled his sister in for a hug and they both cried

they cried for as long as they needed to before they picked themselves up and walked out of the cathedral together.

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down. 

tears continued to stream down kayeleigh's face as she stood up on the bridge and looked down to the river and its lower floor embankment below her. she was just itching to slip and just fall down. itching to just completely disintegrate and be killed instantly. she even imagined some nights that she did fall and stay asleep, of how her body would look if she did jump off of a bridge or off a hotel roof. or even the roof of her own family home that the family had been staying in since the death of their father. 

it sort of appealed to her, falling off of a building and having her body decapitated and all smashed up and bloody against the floor below. but then, she thought of the people she'd be leaving behind in the same way her dad left everyone behind. even then, she remembered that it wasn't necessarily her father's fault that he had left everyone behind. her dad didn't want to die, not that she thought. her dad had no choice, his cancer had taken so much from his life that, he had no more fight left in him anymore, he was even too ill to fly over to barbados for kian and jodi's wedding. but, kayeleigh did have a choice. and does her choice to kill herself align with her dad's death not being his choice? it didn't but, kayeleigh didn't think that logically. she didn't want to think logically. 

so, just as she went to jump off, she slipped and tried to grab the closest thing to her. which, strangely enough, was a broken piece of a community bench. it steadied her and stopped her from falling or anything but, she then had the thought of having a "test throw" before she would throw herself off to see what it would look like. so she did just that, throwing the piece of broken community bench off the bridge, she watched as it hit the side of the second-level embankment before it broke into teeny tiny little pieces as it then splattered into the ever so shallow river waters below. 

her eyes widened in excitement as she watched how the already broken community bench broke even more and into tinier pieces than it was before. she loved how the bench broke as it hit the edge of the embankment and then the shallow waters below that. 

she was moments from jumping and hoping for her body to end up in the same teeny tiny pieces that the community bench had been when all of a sudden, she slipped and just before she blacked out, she heard the one voice that she was hoping she wouldn't hear during her suicide attempt. kian had found her and had called 999 for an ambulance to take his little sister to the hospital, worried that she was going to commit suicide. and, wasn't he grateful that he actually didn't completely ignore that god-awful feeling in his chest and actually listened to it? 

the light flashed and i thought i'd died, my life passed before my eyes, it went too fast for the love i feel inside. 

how grateful was kian when he managed to get to that goddamn bridge on time before his sister had seriously decided to jump off of it. whilst it did scare him when she tripped and fell, hitting her head, he was just grateful he wouldn't have to see her dead and decapitated on the bottom of the bridge's embankment near the river's edge where he could see what was the even more broken community bench that she had thrown over the edge moments before she went to throw her own self off. kayeleigh had concussed herself and blacked out because when she did trip, she had fallen off the first level of the bridge and onto the embankment and hit her head, cracking it open. she was so very lucky that kian had even called for the ambulance and had gone out to look for her otherwise she wouldn't be in this ambulance on the way to the sligo hospital's high-risk mental health facility since she had just attempted to kill herself.  it seemed as though kayeleigh's life had flashed before her eyes in a light as she blacked out after she had tripped. it had gone too fast for the love she still felt inside.  maybe she actually didn't want to die. maybe she just wanted to feel something. maybe she just wanted to for once, just give in to those thoughts she had been having about actually hurting herself. and she did feel something and it scared her. she never wanted to feel like this again. so, in hindsight, she was going to forever be indebted to kian for realising that kayeleigh was missing and going out to look for her as well as calling an ambulance for her. 

"...come on kayeleigh, we're nearly at the hospital, it's going to be okay," kayeleigh could just faintly hear the voice and she smiled, knowing that kian hadn't left her and was in the ambulance with her  holding his sister's hand the same way he did at their dad's funeral

kian only hoping that their dad wouldn't let kayeleigh stay up there, wherever he was, with him when she was still needed with kian and the rest of the family. kayeleigh was way too young to be taken away in this way, especially because she was struggling with the loss of their father. all she needed was help and some clarity. she didn't need to jump off a bridge to see her dad again or to be happy again. she needed to stay alive to be happy. she needed to be talked down. 

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down

kayeleigh couldn't bear to face anyone who decided to show face in her hospital room as she had been put on mental health watch for 72 hours. she was so ashamed that she even attempted to kill herself and only ended up stupidly tripping over and hitting her head. how pathetic was that? she couldn't even kill herself properly. so how on earth could she look in the eyes of the people she loved and cared about and who loved and cared about her? she just simply didn't. that was until kian had come in and gently forced her to talk to him. 

"...kayeleigh, i know you're not sleeping, babe. stop pretending and talk to me," kian spoke up, sitting in the seat that was situated next to his sister's bed not pleased with the fact that she was trying to pretend to be asleep

kayeleigh groaned, knowing kian wouldn't allow it and, she turned back around to face her brother, "what do we talk about, kian? what i did is unacceptable and it's unbelievably stupid so, just tell me off for being a fucking idiot and leave me alone, alright?!" the girl slightly raised her voice as kian softly breathed out and shook his head, reaching out for his sister's hand 

"i'm not going to call you a fucking idiot or leave you alone, okay? because that's not my job to tell you that or to leave you when you're this vulnerable! the reason you did what you did was because you didn't know what else to do and, in that moment, that's the thing you thought was the correct thing to do. sure, i'm glad you tripped and got concussed because, it means i didn't have to watch my little sister fall an extra level and either drown herself in the shallow river or watch you bleed to death in that water but i'm upset that it even had to come to this and you being in the hospital," kian explained as kayeleigh's entire face and body relaxed as she made eye contact with her brother, sure, she was sure she looked like hell but, so did kian 

"you are? you're actually glad that i'm...still here?" kayeleigh trailed off as kian looked at his sister as though she had five heads

"now you're being a fucking idiot *tearful laughter* what a stupid question that is, kayeleigh! of course i'm glad that you're still here! you're my little sister, there is no way that i'd not want you here," kian smiled as kayeleigh nodded her head, starting to believe her older brother piece by piece 

"i'm glad i'm here as well," kayeleigh whispered as she scooched closer to her older brother who smiled at her

down, down, down

kayeleigh felt like she was falling down and wouldn't ever be able to land on solid ground. her mind was a mess and she thought she'd never be able to unravel the mess that was her mind. she was falling, not like the epic falls from buildings like in the movies, she was falling like she was slipping and falling to her death. 

every time she closed her eyes, she'd have the same nightmare every single time. and that was her slipping off the bridge, completely missing the embankment where she actually landed and fell the full three storeys and died as she bled to death on the wet ground of the shallow river below her. and usually in this nightmare, she'd be met with complete darkness, however this time, she was met with a white light that nearly blinded her when she stood up, only to see a figure standing still. 

confused, kayeleigh stood up and, with her hand covering her face, she moved towards the figure of whom was being almost covered by the light making the figure hard to make out who it was to kayeleigh.

"...hello? who are you?" kayeleigh questioned worriedly as she moved closer with hesitance to the figure in front of her 

the person then turned around and kayeleigh nearly fell to the ground. tears welled in her eyes and a smile formed on her face. the person was her father, kevin egan. and he looked healthy. he didn't look sick at all.

"dad?" kayeleigh whimpered, the biggest smile on her face as the figure nodded their head, confirming to kayeleigh that it was indeed her father in front of her 

"yes, kayeleigh, it's me, your dad," kevin responded as kayeleigh ran over, her hand moving away from her face and in front of her as she opened her arms to hug him 

"daddy!" kayeleigh squealed as she ran to the figure that, was surprisingly solid and she could actually hug, it wasn't just a bright light hologram situation 

"hello baby girl, what are you doing here? you're too young to be here with me," kevin scolded towards the end, a crinkled face in conjunction with his statement as kayeleigh turned her face to the ground 

"i...i'm sorry dad, i just, i didn't want to survive another day without you in it. i didn't know how to live without you which sounds stupid because mum's doing brilliantly, as are tom, gavin, colm, kian, vivienne, fenella and marielle but, i just, i--" cutting off his daughter, kevin smiled and shook his head before speaking up 

"--stop kayeleigh, i'm not mad nor am i disappointed. as kian explained earlier, you were only doing what you thought was the right thing to do. you thought jumping off of that bridge was the smartest idea because that's what you were being told it was. your grieving, darling girl and it's okay to cry and feel down. but it is okay to ask your family for help. you are so lucky that kian noticed something wasn't right and noticed you had run off and went off to find you and then ring the ambulance. and you are just as lucky that even though you did trip and concuss yourself, cutting your head open, you are lucky you survived and didn't fall any further than that second-level embankment. if kian and that ambulance came seconds too late, you may have just tried to get up on your own and then stumbled and fallen again due to your concussion and then, who knows, you may have fallen into that river down below and just imagine what that would have looked like for kian and those paramedics that were just seconds too late... i know i'm so glad that kian and those paramedics weren't any later than they needed to be because i don't want to see any of my children up here with me until you guys are either my age or older, okay?" kevin explained as kayeleigh nodded her head and realised just how lucky she truly was to have survived her suicide attempt

"okay, you won't see me again after this encounter, i promise!" kayeleigh joked as kevin laughed as he nodded his head 

"that's good because you aren't sick like i was, darling. you are perfectly healthy and you have so much more life to give and to live for. whereas i had lived the majority of my life, i got married to the love of my life and i helped give your mother the best gifts we could have ever created and that was our children," kevin smiled, holding his daughter's hand as kayeleigh nodded her head and smiled 

the father and daughter spent more precious time together before her father's light began to dim, causing kayeleigh to freak out. 

"dad what...what's going on? your light, it-it's fading!" kayeleigh squealed as kevin chuckled as he took a breath in before speaking up again 

"it means my designated time with you is almost over and i'll be required to go back," kevin smiled softly as kayeleigh tilted her head 

"and i'll have to wake up again?" kayeleigh muttered as kevin nodded his head 

"yes darling, you'll have to wake up again because there are people that kian's invited in to see you who have been, no pun intended, dying to see you," kevin and his daughter chuckled as kayeleigh nodded her head in sadness 

"well, can i just ask you one last question before you leave then, dad?" kayeleigh questioned as she noticed the light was fading even quicker now as kevin nodded his head 

"of course, you can darling, ask away," kevin smiled as tears welled in his daughter's eyes 

"can you visit me every day, daddy?" kayeleigh cried as kevin smiled sweetly and nodded his head 

"of course, i can pumpkin, i'll be with you every single day and you'll see me in the sun, in the rain, in the rainbows and in the wind. i'm everywhere baby girl, it's just my physical body that has gone. i love you baby but, i have to go, i'll see you soon..." kevin trailed off as he faded away and kayeleigh wished she had five more minutes but was grateful she even had this opportunity 

"...i love you more, daddy..." kayeleigh trailed off with a smile and tears down her cheeks as she waved off the light that was now gone 

"...kayeleigh, shane, mark and nicky have visited, do they have permission to come in?" kayeleigh smiled as she woke up to see kian in front of her

nodding her head and sitting up in her bed, kayeleigh was grateful that her dad was correct in who had come in to visit her, "of course they have permission, kian, it's not like they aren't strangers to me!" kayeleigh giggled which shocked kian, whatever that dream was that she just woke up from seemed to do something to his sister and it worked 

"okay, i was just asking to make sure," kian laughed as he opened the door to let in the three bonus brothers of kayeleigh 

excited, she managed to have enough strength to hold her arms up and hug all three of the lads. whereas the first and second days, since it was her last day in the hospital before being discharged in the evening, she was in too much pain mixed with way too much pain medication and wasn't able to beforehand.

"hello, little egan!" shane cheered as he hugged the girl as kayeleigh chuckled at his excitement 

"hello, filan!" kayeleigh teased as they released out of the hug as she then hugged mark

mark smiled and gave the girl a much less gentle hug before nicky, similar to shane, attacked kayeleigh. laughter then filled the egan girl's hospital room as the five just hung out together and just talked about things. 

nicky then asked the one question that was on everyone's lips, "...kayeleigh, in all seriousness, how are you feeling?" kayeleigh smiled with sincerity before responding 

"i'm doing a lot better, nicky, thanks for asking," kayeleigh responded with truth as that seemed to really take the lads, all four of them, by surprise 

"seriously?" kian questioned, wanting to make sure his sister wasn't putting an act up in front of his bandmates as kayeleigh smiled 

"i'm the most serious i've ever been in my life, kian, i'm actually doing so much better than i was two days ago," kayeleigh smiled and it only seemed as though kian couldn't do anything else but believe his sister 

"that's amazing to hear, kayeleigh. it truly is, you deserve to be happy forever," kian whispered at the end as kayeleigh nodded her head 

"i know i do, that's why i stayed," kayeleigh smiled as she reached for her brother's hand, squeezing it when he had grabbed it 

"we're glad you stayed, all of us," mark then spoke up as kayeleigh smiled over at mark, nicky and shane 

kayeleigh couldn't find anything else to say since the lads just seemed to take over for the whole time. however, it suddenly became the time that kayeleigh would be discharged from the hospital and allowed to go back home. so, after getting signed out by herself and kian, since he was the one to take her back home to their family home to the rest of the family, they then left after the other three lads, shane, nicky and mark, had left an hour beforehand. 

lay your head near mine, tell me that it's all fine, love me while there's still time. 

by the time the egan siblings returned home, it was so late at night and the only ones awake in the house that, they decided to waddle over to the couch that still had pillows and blankets all strewn over, showing that there was some sort of family movie night and situated themselves comfortably before turning on the tv for themselves. 

letting his sister pick the movie herself, kian sighed with contentment as he messaged his wife, jodi, letting her know that both he and kayeleigh had returned home safely. when kayeleigh had finally found the perfect movie for them to watch, she sat down next to kian. 

however, she was worried she had sat way too close so, as she started to slightly move away, thinking he may need space since he had spent the last 72 hours in such close quarters with her that he'd need space, kian didn't dare let his sister move that far before he pulled her closer to him. 

"...what are you doing, kian? don't you need some space?" kayeleigh squealed out, hoping that she didn't just wake up the entire house as kian chuckled 

shaking his head, kian spoke up, "absolutely not kayeleigh. lay your head near mine, it's been a long night and whilst you're out of the hospital, you still need to rest and i'd rather you fall asleep on me then on the couch," kian explained, patting his shoulder or his lap as the two places for kayeleigh to choose to fall asleep on, knowing that they'd fall asleep doing the movie and not make it upstairs to their rooms in time 

kayeleigh smiled at her brother as she chose her brother's lap as she then stretched herself out along the couch and snuggled close as the movie started to play in front of her. kian smiled as well as he held his sister close to him, his sister that was alive and was never going to hurt herself ever again because this time, she knew she could ask for help anytime she felt upset over the death of their father. knowing that she had more places to turn to rather than running to that bridge, she felt content as the fun, eccentric and colourful movie that would have for sure been a movie that their father would have made the siblings watch as children played in front of her. 

it's been a long night. 

fin

i remember being so proud of myself when i first wrote this and i still am all this time later! but i seriously have to start adding in more happy fics cause now it's just getting way too intense!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

fire & rain💔🫶

pairing : kian egan x fem!reader

summary : astoria egan, kian egan's wife, finds out that her oldest sister who had a drug addiction killed herself because at the psychiatric hospital she was in, she needed to be confined to an isolation cell. astoria had to be told over a phone call whilst she was backstage at a westlife gig with her husband and his bandmates. 

warnings : sadness, death, crying, maybe a funeral but a happy ending with a sweet birthday post for the deceased sister

a/n : i have written this once before but because it's sad and it's another kian one-shot, i've decided to rewrite it! always, flashbacks in italics, lowercase, and any phone calls or messages will be in italics and in bold and you'll know who is who and the lyrics are in bold italics! and as you can possibly tell like the last time i wrote this, this piece was inspired by james taylor's song, fire and rain. enjoy my lovely dovelies xx

just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone. suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you. i've seen fire and i've seen rain. i've seen sunny days that i thought would never end. i've seen lonely times when i could not find a friend, but i always thought that i'd see you again. 

astoria had been hanging out with her husband and the westlife lads and family when resting backstage before a show. her phone had been buzzing like crazy and all she was trying to do was relax with her husband and family before the band were to do a concert. she was constantly apologising anytime her phone rudely interrupted a conversation or a joke but, no one took offence to it. they had only become worried due to how consistently her iphone was buzzing but astoria kept on pushing it off, saying they didn't need to worry since it wasn't necessary. that was until it did become important when texts stopped coming through but her phone started ringing. when kian spoke up saying that it was probably a smart idea for astoria to answer it, she timidly shook her head and excused herself further from the dressing room and out into the corridor. astoria finally paid attention to her phone and saw that it was her mum that had been texting her but it was the psychiatric hospital that her drug-addicted sister was admitted to that was ringing her. taken aback, astoria hesitantly accepted the call as the psychiatric hospital was never one to really ring the families of the patients unless it was an emergency so, what emergency could they be ringing astoria up for? especially considering astoria isn't the main point of contact for her sister, she still picked the phone call up nevertheless and probably wishes she didn't whenever she brings herself back to this moment. 

suzanne's psychiatric hospital 

hello, this is dr randolff from [...] psychiatric hospital. am i speaking with mrs astoria egan? 

yes, this is she. is everything okay, dr randolff? 

i'm afraid not, mrs egan, hence why i've called you and why you've been sent tons of messages from your mother, mrs menendez 

oh, okay, umm, may i ask the reasoning for this call as i am actually on tour with my husband and his band right now just before their concert in a different county to where suzie is. is...is suzanne okay? is she doing her rehab? is she--

--this is why i am ringing you because this phone call does have to do with your older sister suzanne menendez and it is unfortunately not good news i'm afraid either 

and? could you please tell me, dr? my husband is in another room waiting for me, what's wrong? 

suzanne has unfortunately passed away, mrs egan. she was found dead in her room, laying in her own blood with a gun by her side. we suspect that she shot herself after we had told her that for the safety of herself and others that she would need to be moved into an isolation cell, away from everyone else...

....su...suzie's dead? 

i am afraid so, mrs egan. it breaks my heart to have to tell you this over the phone but there was simply no other way considering you are out of the county and i would not have been able to get this information to you in any other way but through this phone call. in regards to the passing of your older sister, the staff at the hospital, local law enforcement and your mum back home in wales are working together at this moment to see if we are able to bring suzie's body back home to ireland safely. we are going to continue to work closely with your mum, family and law enforcement just to make sure there was no foul play involved. if there is anything else that i, or the rest of my staff, can do to help, please don't hesitate to ring us, okay? 

okay, thank you so much, dr randolff. thank you for ringing me and letting me know! 

bye astoria, please take care, sweetheart. see you soon 

bye, dr randolff, you take care too, suzie was your patient so you deserve to have a moment to grieve for yourself too. see you soon

end call

once the call was disconnected, astoria cleared her throat and went right back over into the dressing room to her husband and westlife family. acting as if everything was okay and that the phone call was just her mum. however, kian knew better than that and knew something wasn't right and that this phone call wasn't just her mum ringing her. pulling her aside from the group once again, kian was careful with how he brought up the phone call that clearly shocked, unsuspecting and devastated astoria no matter how hard she tried to hide it. 

"...ria, darling, who rang you? is everything okay?" kian softly asked as astoria was frozen almost, it was like she was in a state of shock 

she didn't know how to react or what to do so, she just handed her phone to her husband where he was shown who the phone call had come from and the texts that her mum sent her, almost immediately, kian could feel himself getting all choked up and emotional at how erratic his mother-in-law's text messages to her daughter were. they were messages that astoria had been ignoring before the phone call gave her the exact same information as her mum's desperate text messages in all caps did. 

"ria, darling, why didn't you tell me what these messages were?" kian spoke up again as astoria just looked up at her husband, her mouth open in shock as she just shrugged her shoulders as kian closed his eyes, refusing to cry straight away 

"i...i didn't realise the reason why mum was texting me so desperately in the first place..." astoria trailed off quietly as kian bit his lip as he pulled his wife in for a hug, knowing how painful the loss of her older sister was going to be for her

"...oh, oh, darling! i am so sorry, come here!" kian whispered, even though he was already hugging her, he pulled her in closer as she wrapped her arms around her husband's torso in absolute shock, not even able to cry 

"my older sister is dead, kian, she...she's just gone..." astoria trailed off as she rested her chin on kian's shoulder, her mouth slightly open in shock and her eyes constantly moving around the room that seemed as if it was swallowing her whole 

kian breathed in and out as he tried to stay calm for the sake of his wife. holding her close, he could feel like he had a good sense of what was going through her mind as they stood there in an embrace that looked romantic but felt more heartbreaking than any romantic gesture. 

"i...i just...i thought i'd see her again..." astoria broke what was silence between the husband and wife as kian nodded his head, rubbing his hand against his wife's back as he held her close and tight

 "...i know darling, i did too, i did too," kian whispered as he swayed the both of them side to side with no other words or noises to interrupt their moment of silence in what was a moment of loud, aggressive noises in astoria's mind

won't you look down upon me, jesus, you've got to help me make a stand. you've just got to see me through another day! my body's aching and my time is at hand and i won't make it any other way, oh, i've seen fire and i've seen rain. i've seen sunny days that i thought would never end. 

astoria found herself smiling as she looked through a photo album of family photos from when she, suzanne and their four other siblings were younger and having the times of their lives. it had now hit the five-month mark since suzanne had died and whilst astoria was still utterly devastated that she was gone, the thing that killed, no pun intended, her more and more each day was what she said at suzanne's funeral. at the time of her sister's funeral, it had been two weeks since the happenings of her sister's death and she was finally back from being on tour with westlife as was her sister's body from the psychiatric hospital in wales and astoria still hadn't got to her "depression" stage of grief and still hadn't broken down in tears over her sister's death. 

this worried her entire family, including the westlife family but none more especially than kian. it worried kian because astoria, similar to kian, was the definition of a crybaby. she would start crying over everything yet nothing at the same time. so, when this horrific news of losing her sister crashed into the universe, it seemed as if astoria's emotions started to shut down one by one. and this was something that kian did not like one bit because when it came to the funeral when she said the eulogy for her sister, it just seemed like the words she was saying to those who didn't know the sibling relationship between suzanne and astoria was that they were in fact, sisters. all because it looked as if astoria wasn't showing the "correct" emotions that were supposedly meant to be felt at a funeral of a loved one. 

everyone was in shock to hear that there was in fact another sister in the menendez family. they always thought mary-kate and steven only had two girls and three boys but, no, as the parents have always told everyone, they have always had three girls and three boys which equates to, shockingly, six kids. the only reason why people still refused to believe there were six kids was that, at the time, astoria didn't like her photos being posted online by her parents, which, they both respected when the internet started to become a thing and didn't post photos of her online, even in family photos, she was either cropped out or blurred out when posted by her parents which always left questioning comments as to who the "blurred-out or cropped out mystery" was. so, watching what some people paying their respects at this funeral thought was the "mysterious sixth child" walk up to the microphone to say a eulogy, was interesting. 

it seemed as if an entire group of people's stubbornness, thick-headedness and straight-up stupidity slipped away as they finally dropped the act and finally paid attention to the facts that had been there for years. astoria stood at the microphone and her eyes scanned through the room. knowing pretty much every single person, even those who constantly commented on her parents' facebook posts that their sixth child wasn't a real person or better yet, not their child, death stared them. almost saying "surprise, bitch" and "sucks you had to finally get the hard truth that i actually am real at my sister's funeral, how unfortunate for you for being so stupid for this long,".  

kian gave his wife a look of support as she opened her mouth and began her eulogy, "suzanne was my older sister, she was the oldest of six and it was very clear how favoured she was to the other five of us *giggles*. i'm astoria, i'm the youngest out of the six siblings which i know has given me some strange looks but, it's true but, let's please focus on the actual reason we're here today because it's not me *the hall falls completely silent*. even though there is quite a gap in age between suzanne and me, we were the two siblings that got along perfectly. besides austin and me but, that's a story for a less upsetting day *lighthearted laughter* sorry, i...that wasn't supposed to come out that way but, umm, anyway... despite the age gap between suzie and me, we were the best of friends. we did everything together, we went shopping together, we would go on double dates together with our husbands, and we would sleep in each other's beds just because we wanted to feel like children again..." astoria trailed off as she decided against staring down the still stubborn people who refused to believe they were wrong and continued her eulogy 

she quickly moved her eyes back over to her husband's, watching as they filled with tears as she took in a deep breath, continuing, "the first time we were split from each other was when suzanne was put into the psych hospital for her mental health and addictions to drugs after she had sobered herself up from alcohol, not able to do the same for the drugs, even when she tried her hardest when she got pregnant and had her children..." hearing his wife talk about addiction as an outsider who came into the family and saw the way it ended for his sister-in-law was heartbreaking for kian 

"...watching the way my sister was losing herself to all these drugs was absolutely terrifying. it really showed me a new side to her that i hadn't ever been exposed to and it wasn't something you would want to see nor wish on your worst enemy when you saw the reality of it daily. the way she'd be so nice one day and then absolutely awful the next is something i don't think i'll ever really be able to erase from my memory. i had never seen the effects of drugs on somebody until i watched it happen to her for my husband, thankfully, even though he's a goddamn pop star, westlife legend *lighthearted laughter titters through the church* and never got into the downward spiral of addiction. i...umm, i just wished she fought for a bit longer and didn't give up because i just wish for that day i'd get that call say...saying that she had finished her recovery and is able to come home... and i wished her husband and children could have gotten that call as well..." 

"...i mean, that's the one thing i've been constantly dreaming about every night since i got the other phone call that on the other side of things, i never thought nor wished i'd ever receive about suzanne. i also know it was something that suzie was wanting so hard for herself the last time we talked because she was wanting to recover and become sober so she could be discharged and be with her family again. i thank every living god that i was with my husband after i had that phone call otherwise i don't think i would have known my limits and accidentally turned into the same ghost of a person that she did. kian realised what was going on in my head and forced his mum, my mother-in-law, patricia, to leave the westlife concert and bring me back home. for almost two hours, she sat with me and hugged me and took care of me, listening to my silly demands, making sure i was eating and drinking until kian came home and told his mum that he could take it from here and that she could go home. when kian got home, he sat in front of me and just listened as i just talked and talked until i couldn't any longer before i shut down and kind of became mad at the fact that suzanne gave up so easily..." astoria trailed off as she suddenly became angry again, kian's eyes widening in worry that a similar thing was going to happen again 

"...however, i took a step back and realised, the only reason why i said she gave up so easily was that i wasn't living in suzanne's mind. i wasn't living her life through her lens and i wasn't having to open my eyes every day and go through those treatments, those hardships every single day as she did every day. how selfish was i, someone who was well aware of my sister's disease to be all of a sudden mad at her because she was struggling in a place, an institution where she was supposed to be getting help?! i...i, i just wanted to see her one last time, to hug her one last time. to just see her smile, to hear her laugh, to watch her play around with her husband and children and just be suzanne..." astoria couldn't bear to say another word as she closed her mouth, locked her jaw and walked off the stage and sat right back down next to kian who straight away comforted her and made sure she was okay 

~

sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground, oh, i've seen fire and i've seen rain. i've seen sunny days that i thought would never end. i've seen lonely times when i could not find a friend, but i always thought that i'd see you, baby, one more time again, now. 

astoria smiled as she woke up on the morning of what was supposed to be her older sister's 37th birthday. she giggled as she brought her arms above her head to stretch when she heard her husband singing what she swore was a michael buble song, me and mrs jones when he was supposed to be making breakfast for the both of them. shaking her head, she got herself up out of bed, grabbed her phone and walked down the stairs into the kitchen to see why her husband was singing and not cooking them the breakfast he promised her he'd make for them in celebration of their sister and sister-in-law's 37th. 

"me and mrs jones, mrs, mrs, mrs jones, mrs jones, mrs jones..." 

"--kian, sweetheart, why are we singing instead of cooking?" astoria jokingly asked, pressing pause on the song from kian's phone as he smiled and stifled a chuckle 

"because, it's a good song thank you very much, darling! i do not appreciate your teasing!" kian spoke in a posh british accent instead of his normal sligonian, irish accent which made astoria giggle even more 

"i'm just teasing babe, you know i love hearing your smooth, raspy, sexy morning vocals in the morning!" astoria smiled as she wrapped her arms around her husband's naked chest and rested her head against his back as he smiled back 

"i know you were joking my love! how are you, you feel good?" kian then asked as astoria smiled bigger, appreciating that he was still checking in with her after having a rough patch a couple of weeks ago after realising that it was going to be her sister's birthday soon and wasn't going to be alive to celebrate it 

"i'm feeling good my darling, i'm excited for today because it's going to be a good one! it's suzie's 37th birthday and i know she's partying it up wherever it is she is!" astoria smiled as kian smiled back, content in knowing that his wife was slowly returning back to her normal self 

"i'm glad to hear that my love! well, i shall not keep you waiting for breakfast so, just rest on the couch, pop the tv on and i'll call you when breakfast is finished!" kian kissed his wife on the cheek as she nodded and then left the kitchen and wandered into the lounge room to put something interesting on whilst her husband finished breakfast 

it hadn't taken the husband and wife that long to finish breakfast after kian had finished making it. when all of a sudden, it was around lunchtime and notifications of birthday messages to suzanne's still-active facebook were pinging. whilst there was still a painful pinch to the heart for both astoria and kian, it mostly just made them smile that mary-kate and steven refused to deactivate their eldest daughter's social media just because she was now deceased. it made the entire family feel like people still cared about suzanne if they wrote birthday messages and just sent photos of themselves with suzanne to her dashboard for the reason that they just missed their best friend, work colleague, cousin, sister, daughter, niece, etc. 

so, as astoria and kian went through the birthday messages and liked them and commented back on them, that was when astoria got the idea to post on her instagram for her sister. it was something she hadn't done in a while and, in all honesty, she missed posting photos of her and her sister so, that's what she did! 

liked by kianegan, shanefilanofficial, austinmenendez, selenamenendez, nickybyrneinsta, stormykeating and 8k others

astoriaegan it's your 37th birthday today, suzie, and it's the birthday you were really hoping you'd be able to celebrate with us outside of the psych hospital. but it's okay that you're celebrating somewhere else where you're safer and not have to constantly walk on eggshells everywhere you go, cause i know that's not how you wanted to live your life. i just know for sure that you're singing fire and rain by james taylor and about every single westlife song and annoying every single person with your awful, screechy, pitchy singing but, i'm sure they're just glad you're finally happy again. i really do love you a lot, suzie and these three photos i like to think really show that. the first photo was from kian and i's wedding when you were my maid of honour and the only one who was able to see me get into my wedding dress. the second one was during my hens night and our theme was "dress up or give up" where we were either dressed up looking like we were going out to win a damn meteor ireland award or to give up and wear the daggiest clothes and every single person dressed up but in all honesty, suzie, you were the best dressed that night and i can't even be mad at you for upstaging me at my own hens night. and i'll also never forget the two of us being accidentally mistaken for mother and daughter, you being the mother and me being the daughter and you being the most offended i had ever seen you as selena, gillian, georgina and the rest of the bridal party just laughed at your reaction as we continued to have our hysterical fun before kian and i's barbados wedding. and this last photo is probably my favourite of all time. we were in barbados (when are we not, my husband is bloody kian egan for god's sake) for my 30th birthday with the family and kian's family and, like at my hens night, i was mistaken for an actual teenager despite the fact i was wearing a pin that clearly stated that i was turning 30. i'll never forget how happy we all were but especially you. the smile you smiled, the laughs you laughed and the you you were, were the most genuine i had seen in a long time, it felt like it had been since we were kids that i'd seen you that happy. my 30th and your 37th were two birthdays that you really wanted to be in recovery and sober for and, i'm just grateful, like you definitely were, that you were at least sober for my birthday because that's just how selfless you were. you cared more about your own family than yourself and the original reason why you wanted to recover and become sober was for the family and your husband and kids, i'm just grateful to say that for the most part, you were sober and it was truly only in the last couple months before your death that really snatched you away. i love you forever, suzie, you are always going to be my fire and rain. love, astoria 🤍

p.s. your kids, arlo and sage are absolutely gorgeous and are looking like their stunning mamma every single day. and mr menendez-mcknight is also doing well, just so you didn't have to worry about them 🤍

view all comments

kianegan i am so proud of you my darling! i know how hard this has been for you but you still prove so many people wrong! we all love you so much suzie 🤍

shanefilanofficial these photos are wonderful and really capture the authentic suzie that we all knew and loved. what an honour it was to know her, astoria 🤍

austinmenendez aww, these photos ria! they are so gorgeous! happy birthday, suzie 🤍

selenamenendez happy 37th suz. beautiful post ria 🤍

nickybyrneinsta i've got tears in my eyes reading this, astoria. this was a beautiful post for your sister and it was an honour to know her 🤍

stormykeating my heart is torn and heartbroken reading this. happy heavenly 37th birthday suzie, you are so loved baby 🤍

fanofkianandastoriaegan happy 37th suzie! 

markusmoments happy birthday in heaven suzie su 🤍 

gillianfilansligo happy birthday, suzie poo, i miss your pretty face 🤍

georginaahernbyrne happy heaven birthday suzie su 🤍

thought i'd see you one more time again. there's just a few things coming my way this time around, now. thought i'd see you, thought i'd see you, fire and rain, now. 

fin

why am i so good at writing such depressing things? i seriously need help that's for sure!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

la vita è bella💔🫶

pairing : kian egan x fem!reader

summary : pretty much just some mini headcanons of reactions to a handful of sad movies that kian watches that make him cry with you (the reader) as his wife. 

warnings : sad movies, crying, emotional kian, trauma in the form of very sad movies and some spoilers of some movies 

a/n : it has been mentioned by kian (and shane as well) that this man cries at the drop of a hat so, i feel like these are just a handful of movies that could potentially and maybe have actually made him cry lol but in a written way as if it's still a one-shot 

la vita è bella (life is beautiful)

this is a movie that would maybe catch kian's eye for the reason that it's an italian movie with the title directly translating to life is beautiful not realising that it's about the holocaust 

kian did not initially choose to watch this movie, you, his wife, chose it because you had researched it and thought it was a good movie for the two of you to watch together  

however, as soon as the both of you, kian mostly, see the first scene that indicates where the vibe of the movie is going, kian instantly regrets his life choices of allowing you to choose this movie 

because, when i (the author) tell you, this movie is traumatic, no matter how old you are watching it, it's traumatic 

i (the author, again) personally, first watched it when i was fourteen and in year nine of high school when i studied italian for languages and it traumatised me (and maybe the whole classroom) to the point where i haven't watched it since go figure

so, obviously, kian would also regret his choice of agreeing with you to watch this movie instead of a happier, more comedic one 

and, whilst watching the said sad movie, kian would be very cuddly and affectionate, especially if he's had a couple of adult beverages iykwim 

and, maybe, he'd try to distract himself from the movie by being so cuddly and touchy 

but, however, once he realises he won't be able to get away with the not crying part, he just gives up 

he gives up because he knew he couldn't fight away the tears and he completely loses it 

kian was a complete wreck and he gave up on trying to hide it as you handed him the tissue box as he sobbed out a laugh as he took one out 

there was a moment in which you wanted to turn the movie off now that it had upset kian so much but, he refused to let you 

whilst it made you somewhat smile, it also did worry you that he wanted to keep on watching because it hadn't even gotten to the full hour of the hour and fifty-six-minute movie just yet 

however, he refused to turn the movie off so, you nodded your head and slid yourself back onto the couch as you continued to watch the movie 

yeah, kian was grateful that you had given him the box of kleenex when you did because he was going to need it for the rest of the movie and a while afterwards as well 

when the movie finished, kian was so glad it was over yet, he still had positive things to say about it, despite the fact it absolutely wrecked him emotionally 

because even though it did upset him and made him cry, he still adored the movie and wasn't afraid to admit that even though it had made him cry so much, he still loved the movie and would for sure watch it more than once 

five feet apart 

 five feet apart was a movie that kian had picked for one movie night and this time, he knew the overview of the movie and was ultimately prepared that it was a sad movie 

however, whilst he thought he was as prepared as he could be in regard to this movie in particular, he still should not have been that confident 

because, just like life is beautiful, five feet apart also made kian cry

whilst it didn't make kian cry as much as the italian holocaust film did, it still did get a reaction from the irish westlife legend 

whilst he couldn't quite relate to living in and out of hospitals and always having to be monitored and not allowed right next to someone, he could empathise because his dad had died from cancer back in 2009, hence why it made him emotional 

even though five feet apart was not about cancer but cystic fibrosis (cf) he still knew the heartbreak that an illness like cf can bring to a family like cancer did to his family with his father's passing. 

this movie also seemed to make kian a lot more thankful and grateful that he was born healthy and hadn't developed cancer like his own father had 

it also made you very thankful that you were healthy and weren't spending every day in a hospital 

of course, you made sure to comfort your husband, i mean, you weren't going to just watch him cry and not do anything to comfort him 

kian appreciated the comfort you were giving him as he managed a smile which made you smile as well 

"why is this so sad?" 

he'd sniffle as he giggled at himself for crying at another sad movie as he wiped away a tear from his cheek 

"i don't know my darling, maybe because, for some people, this is real life for them?" 

was the best answer you could give your husband as you hugged him as tight as you could, he nodded his head in agreement 

for the rest of five feet apart, you two stayed cuddled together on the couch as the movie continued 

once the movie ended, a loud exhale exited both kian and you as the both of you laughed at each other as you fell asleep considering how late in the night the movie had gone for 

marley and me 

okay, to be fair, this choice was not his at all, this was by all means your choice 

why kian asks, well, it was because of a recent interview that your husband had done with his westlife bandmates when they said that if they all had a couple of adult beverages and watched marley and me that they'd all be in convulsions of tears. so, you wanted to test that theory one night

so, you did this for what reason other than wanting to test a theory from an interview question? 

and with you knowing that kian had definitely had a few adult beverages as well? 

yeah, that was totally the entire reason for you wanting to make you and your husband watch marley and me after a couple of drinkies 

however, let's just say that whilst the theory was correct and kian was in convulsions of tears, he wasn't the only one who was crying 

you were also sporting the odd tear or two down your cheeks as you watched the way your husband curled on himself with your guys' dog as he silently cried 

without a sound, you moved from your spot and crawled across the couch to comfort kian as best as you could 

you and kian's dog, prince, had noticed that its dad was upset and alongside their mum, tried to comfort kian by cuddling him and licking away his tears which made him giggle a little 

which, whilst it made him laugh, didn't do anything to help comfort him and only made him cry more 

because it had now come to the moment after marley's death and kian hated it so much 

hiding his eyes away, kian couldn't have it within himself to watch the rest of the movie not because of their little puppy, prince 

so, yeah, i don't think after an experience like that, would make kian watch a sad dog movie again (especially after mentioning it in an interview)

inside out 

ok, don't laugh but, i (the author) feel like this movie would absolutely destroy kian 

because it's a disney-pixar movie and they are just cutthroat and don't care if they make you cry, no matter what! 

yes, it devastated the very emotional kian kian, what else was it going to do? make him emotionless? i think not 

and, the moment he started to cry wasn't even the most emotional moment of the movie 

yet, it was just the fact that the movie was about the different core emotions of a little girl that made him emotional? 

i mean, he first started crying when goofball island crumbled and got destroyed 

and that wasn't even the saddest moment of the entire movie, you thought personally 

but, the worst moment that really broke kian was obvious and i only need to say three words 

bing

 bong's

 death!

i mean, come on! 

what did my precious bing bong do to deserve that? he didn't deserve to die or feel the need to sacrifice himself! he deserved to live! 

well, that's what kian's heartbreak was over during this sad movie, the fact that he didn't think that inside out would have a character death that sad and ruthless 

i mean, theoretically, bing bong was from riley's imagination but, that doesn't make his death any less painful, okay?! 

his. death. hurt. okay?!

- yeah, this would have taken kian a few good weeks to recover and maybe a movie he'd only watch a select amount of times 

kian's way too special and precious for this world, can we have more of kian's, please? 

actually, i (the author) just need my own versions of all four members of westlife, please and thank you! 

the theory of everything 

ok, for sure, kian would cry over this movie, the theory of everything 

like, i seriously think he'd be weeping over this movie because of how tragic and real this is 

i mean, y'all know that this is about the true story of stephen hawking and his life and courtship with his ex-wife and the story of his life with motor neuron disease, right? 

so, whenever a movie is made about someone's life, then it typically could get very sad and emotional 

so, it would totally shock kian to the absolute core at how soul-destroying this movie is 

and it would totally rip his heart into tiny pieces, forcing you to really comfort him afterwards 

and, you couldn't blame him because, the first time you saw this movie, you were just as much of a wrecked-up mess 

however, due to this being like, your fiftieth time watching the movie, you had become so desensitized to the movie that it just no longer affected you to the point of tears as it used to 

so, seeing you, his wife not cry over this movie whilst he is just bawling his eyes out, would shock him due to the two very different reactions 

"how are you not crying at this movie?!" 

you'd giggle at kian's voice as he squealed that out as he sobbed, you hugging kian tighter 

"i've seen this movie like fifty times kian, i don't think it can make me cry anymore!" 

you'd giggle as kian would pout, roll his eyes and groan as he tried to catch his breath and not choke on his tears 

this meant that he would have to watch this movie another forty-nine times before it no longer makes him cry

well, not sure kian would completely hate the idea but, he would hate the idea because he doesn't want to cry another forty-nine times before it doesn't make him cry anymore 

this movie would also make kian fall silent and would have him so engaged that he'd just be staring at the tv with maybe a box of kleenex in his lap or next to him with his eyes fully glued to the tv 

like, genuinely kian would be so focused on this movie that he'd barely acknowledge the fact that he would be crying until he'd feel them on his cheeks 

so, due to the tears kian cried, he'd be so exhausted that by the time the credits roll around, he'd be fighting to keep his eyes open 

which would then lead you to whisper to him letting him know that he's allowed to fall asleep as it was just the credits playing 

"it's okay kian, you can go to sleep love, it's just the credits that are playing now,"

hearing you tell him he could sleep would make him smile a cute lopsided smile as he finally closes his eyes and lets sleep takeover him 

clouds

okay, to be fair, kian would totally make you both watch this movie purely for the fact he stupidly thought it was about clouds due to the title 

oh, and boy, the realisation that this movie is not about clouds would come pretty quickly 

like, this movie is the furthest thing from being about clouds 

so, when kian realises that this movie is about a real-life story, about a real boy suffering from cancer, it's pretty obvious that he'd instantly start crying 

and, his predictions were correct about crying within minutes 

kian was bawling not even twelve minutes into the movie absolutely inconsolable 

and, honestly, it was understandable because he knew what it was like and what the disease put his own family through when his own dad suffered from the disease 

so, understandably, kian was hysterical whilst watching clouds 

like, to the point where he wasn't able to catch his breath properly because he'd be crying so much 

however, you and kian continued watching the movie but you made sure to keep an eye on kian to make sure he was okay 

it was most likely during the halfway point of this movie that kian would regret watching it when it was extremely early in the morning when he was still delirious and hormonal? wait, do men get hormonal? 

yet, kian stuck with it and he got through the entire movie 

except, by the end of the movie, his face was red, puffy, hot and covered in tears 

but, instead of regretting watching the movie in itself, he'd regret the time in which he decided to watch it because he would probably have made the stupid decision to watch it before going to a westlife rehearsal for some odd reason 

i (the author) feel like kian would love this movie, despite how devastating it was and that it "opened his mind". and made him, once again, like five feet apart, be a lot more grateful and thankful even though it did remind him a lot of when his dad was sick with cancer. it reminded him how thankful he himself was to be healthy and able to live the life he was living without the constant fear of if he was going to die during a westlife performance

fin

i love it when guys aren't afraid to show their emotions so much that in almost every single fic i write, i make them emotional and cry! and i'm pretty sure that is called projection ladies and gentlemen!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

you stayed ("whenever you're ready baby girl" alt ending)🫶

pairing : kian egan x fem!daughter reader

summary : whilst kian and jodi egan's eldest little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her life, what if she actually survived and beat her cancer? what if she actually never died after the newcastle shows of the farewell tour? what if she made it to her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that? what if her short straws began to grow back healthy again in the same way she had? what if she got to see her dad's band reunite seven years later?

warnings : happy ending, girl dad x kian, terminal illness, crying, flashbacks

a/n : since writing the original version of this for kian, i decided to write an alternate ending where willow egan doesn't die because i still can't believe i wrote about child loss and she actually survives and sees through what was thought to be the rest of the end of westlife in 2012 and then their reunion in 2019 as a teenager, even though in the original, i have the timeline as this being written during the reunion and as willow being younger than koa but i've decided to change it lol so, sorry! no song will be used in this but flashbacks from the original one-shot will be in italics, present in normal font and like the original, it'll be written in lowercase. 

willow egan was eight-years-old when she was diagnosed with cancer. she already wasn't considerd a "normal kid" because of who were parents, kian egan and jodi albert are. however, the moment the young girl and her parents heard the news of the heartbreaking diagnosis, they knew exactly how the press and other kids willow's age would react. to the other kids and everyone else, not only did willow's parents and their fame make the girl weird but her new cancer diagnosis made her even weirder and as though she was an exhibit in a museum.

when willow was nine-years-old when her dad and his bandmates were starting their farewell tour before splitting up, there was a moment. during the first of five shows in newcastle, united kingdom, that everyone, including willow herself, thought she wasn't going to make it through the entire day and wake up the next morning. but, she did wake up the next morning. she opened her eyes the next morning and cried out for her daddy who was on stage. in a rage of emotions, georgina bryne, who is the wife of kian's bandmate nicky byrne, rang kian in a frenzy of her own emotions.

thinking the worst, kian was mere seconds away from dropping everything at newcastle's metro arena. that was until he heard the very voice he had thought, imagined, he would never hear again. he then stopped for a moment and took that as his chance to just breathe. his little girl was alive and she was okay.

willow's pov | flashback to cancer diagnosis

i could tell my parents felt like the walls in the doctor's office was closing in on them. they, like me, never imagined to be getting this news. after all, it was just supposed to be just another regular hospital trip for me, eight-year-old willow egan.

whilst i wasn't in the office with my parents, whilst my doctor, dr phelps, told them, i could still hear them. especially when it's realised that the hospital is never as soundproof as one thinks, "...mr egan? kian, did you hear what i just told you?" dr phelps questioned my dad, who until now had never really called him by his first name as dad responded after blinking a couple of times

"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" it was obvious that dad was still so far away from dr phelps' office mentally, doing his best to not tune out a second time since it was important news that dr phelps was telling my parents

"i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."

ahh, yes, i could see the wheels in my dad's head start to turn as he realised what the conversation was about. his eldest and only daughter, me, had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and were having a conversation about the roads of treatment for me. and just how successful they could be for a small eight-year-old who had many ailments before this new one. as i watched from the waiting room, i could tell that dad could feel a cry building in his throat, mum also feeling it as well, holding his hand tightly as i knew they both wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office at this moment. 

i watched as dad continued the conversation, "...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" dad gulped as i watched the way he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed mum's hand with his other hand  

dr phelps paused before he continued, "now, mr egan, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer in willow's system that we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as i could tell that dad felt his heart shatter

mum feeling like she was holding all of his heart and hers together. dad's face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the dr when he caught a glimpse of me. which i quickly turned my head to make it seem as though i was in conversation with my uncles nicky and shane, who had lovingly put their hands up to take care of me whilst uncle mark put his hand up to take care of my baby brother, koa.

hesitating to turn his head back around, he quickly did so before continuing on, making me turn to look back at my parents and dr phelps, "...she doesn't deserve this..." hearing my dad so heartbroken and his voice so croaky from his tears was not something i'd ever heard before as he brought his tissue up to cover his face, mum comforting him whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly 

"...no, she doesn't kian, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, i was going to survive another diagnosis

but heartbreakingly, i could tell mum and dad thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in my eyes, i too thought the same thing as my parents.

as mum, dad and dr phelps continued to chat, i silently slipped my hands into both of uncle nicky and uncle shane's hands since i was sat in the middle of them. i was absolutely terrified and it didn't take a genius for uncle nicky and uncle shane to figure it out either and the looks we shared with each other weren't as helpful as we hoped they'd be. 

present time

as i remebered the day i was diagnosed, i remembered that i didn't cry like i had imagined myself i would have. because if you know my family well, most especially my dad as well as my uncle shane, we're literally the definition of crybabies. like, to the point where it's been mentioned in interviews before that my dad is so emotional that he cries at the opening of a hat and that uncle shane is very similar that is also a crier. so the fact i didn't cry after my cancer diagnosis is something i'm just realising years later at nearly nineteen years old and that's insane to me. completely insane because at eighteen, nearly nineteen, i'm still the crybaby that i was until my cancer diagnosis.

right now, i was hanging out with my younger brother koa. he was only a literal baby when i was going through the cancer and it's something that he genuinely does not remember well. i have been told though that there are times that he does have vague memories and it makes him really upset and panicky. but what makes him upset and panicky is because he can't remember everything about it, only small little pieces of it. since then, we've added two more egan's to the pack and they are two little boys, zekey and cobi. zekey in 2014 and cobi the most recent in 2018. but, going back to hanging out with koa, we were literally just getting ready to head out for a surf since i could drive and had my own car now. and, because of that, i could drive us down since both mum and dad were at work, nan (dad's mum) taking care of the other two boys for the day. everything was completely fine and happy as koa and i got ready separately (obviously) but, as i was taking a bit longer, koa had knocked on my door to check in on me. i was no longer fine and happy. as i slipped on my bikini and reached up to grab my wetsuit, i had caught a glimpse of all my scars and my porthole where i would get my chemo put in. it was really the first time i had seen it since i had been named in remission and by every technicality, cancer-free. and i hadn't realised how traumatising and ugly the scars and porthole actually was until this moment. the moment which i actually took a moment to stop and look at it after actively avoiding my glance from it for so many years.

and i cried.

i cried my eyes out nearly nine whole years after my initial diagnosis. 

i hadn't cried this much or this hard i don't think since i had told aunty georgina, uncle nicky's wife, that i thought i was going to die during the first show in newcastle of westlife's farewell tour. and obviously, hearing koa knock on my door meant that he had heard me break down into tears. and usually, similar to dad and mum, but especialy dad, i'd usually try to hide it in front of my brothers, especially koa. but, this time, i just couldn't. not because i couldn't control my tears but because i needed to stop hiding my emotions from my younger brothers.

after his knock, i heard his voice and it made me smile, "...you okay willow?" he asked as i tearfully giggled, wiping my hand underneath my nose

"you can come in if that's what you're asking koa, my door's unlocked," i tearfully chuckled as i turned away slightly from the door and looked back at myself in my full-length mirror

i then heard my door slightly creek open as koa walked in. he then noticed me in the mirror and his face fell as he saw my tear-stained face. immediately, he rushed over and pulled me in for a hug as he quickly noticed what it was that i was staring at in my reflection. my porthole and other scars being the first thing that started koa's memories of me having cancer whilst he was a baby.

and then, the next thing he said was the utmost sweetest thing in the world and made me cry even more, "don't let those scars upset you anymore, willow. because they're the reason why i can hug my older sister every day! you may think it's ugly but, i don't. i see them as the reason why you're still alive and got to watch me grow up and got to meet zekey and cobi! if it's making you so upset to look at it in your bikini, which i think you great in by the way willow, we don't have to go surfing today if it's making you feel a bit icky to do so. we could just instead go for a walk along the beach and go surfing over the weekend with mum, dad and the boys?" koa sincerely asked as he didn't let me go out of his hug as i smiled, shocked at how this little kid, my little brother was so emotionally intelligent

pulling back out of the hug, tears still streaming down my cheeks but for happier reasons this time, i nodded my head, "that sounds perfect koa, thank you, little man! you are such a sweetheart and i love you so much, buddy. of course, we can go for a walk on the beach and then go surfing with the family over the weekend. i'll just throw some clothes over the top of my bikini and then we can hit the road, that sound okay koa?" i asked after thanking my brother as he nodded his head, swiftly leaving my room without another question as i then threw on a pair of linen pants and a halter crochet top before grabbing my phone

meeting koa downstairs as he handed me a pair of flip flops, my car keys and handbag, we said farewell to our nan and our two younger brothers. we then got into my car and we drove down to the beach at strandhill.

flashback | willow's pov

it was the first of five consecutive shows at the metro arena in newcastle for westlife's farewell tour when i thought i'd not wake up the next day. it was during the day that aunty georgina was looking after me when i genuinely thought my life support machine and my body was going to go awol and that i wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i was aboslutely terrified to close my eyes, worried that if i did, i wouldn't wake up tomorrow. suddenly remembering all the other times i was tired and knowing that i'd wake up the next morning. however, more recently, falling asleep and just closing my eyes has been scary for me.

shaking with worry, i reached over to grab aunty georgina's hand which she immediately grabbed, "what's wrong, love?" she asked without hesitation as i tried to calm down as best as i could

"i...i'm so scared to fall asleep, g. what...what if i don't wake up tomorrow morning?" i whispered fearfully as georgina softened as she held my hand, squeezing it tightly

"oh, darling. don't be scared, i'll stay here, awake with you all night and make sure nothing bad happens to you throughout the night. you are safe sweetpea, aunty georgina's got you!" she whispered as i nodded my head but still didn't want to close my eyes

however, with some more encouragement from aunty georgina and her singing my favourite westlife album, we managed to get me to close my eyes and fall asleep. just hoping, praying, that i was going to be able to open my eyes the next morning.

and i did. i opened my eyes the next morning.

and i cried out for my dad, enough though i knew he wasn't here in ireland.  

and in a flurry of her own emotions, aunty georgina rushed to grab her phone and ring him.

and i just knew he was ready to drop everything, thinking the worst. ready to leave newcastle's metro arena when he heard the one voice i think he also thought, imagined, he wouldn't hear again.

i was still alive.

present time | 2022 

finally, after what felt like forever, and the hell that was the coronavirus pandemic and constant lockdowns, concerts were finally safe enough again to do at full capacity. so, here the entire westife family were at the aviva stadium in dublin and it was an emotional moment, that's for sure. and it wasn't just because we were finally able to have tours and concerts again. but because i was eighteen, an age that no one thought i'd be able to reach because of the cancer that i was now in complete remission from. and, it was also actually the anniversary of my first diagnosis back when i was eight years old and i was now eighteen. so, i just knew that at some point in the show, most likely before or during "you raise me up" that dad was going to talk about it. and then get very emotional over it which would then get me emotional over it all over again.

 and, who would've though, i was correct? however, i did not think it would have my dad inviting me up on stage before "you raise me up" but, in all honesty, i didn't care. i grew up with the westlife fans so i wasn't uncomfortable on the stage so, i went along with it.

smiling, i walked on stage and over to my dad, standing in the middle of him and uncle nico. getting smooshed into a westlife sandwich has honestly always been my favourite thing about having my dad as one of the members. even at the age of eighteen, i still enjoyed all the hugs the same way i did when i was a little kid.

dad then grabbed my hand, grabbing the attention of the entire audience. still giving me a shock at how easily he and my westlife uncles could control the audience. he then introduced his speech before the next song.

"...hey dublin, how are we feeling tonight, alright?!" dad shouted, the same introduction for every single one of his speeches at a westlife concert, making me giggle as the crowd cheered at his question

giving me a smile, he then continues with his second introduction in his speech, which was me, "so, as everyone possibly already knows, this is my eldest child and my only daughter, willow, who is eighteen years old..." he trails off as shock ripples through the crowd which makes us all laugh

and that included me too. because, i truly also sometimes forget that i am eighteen.

"...i know, it's crazy to say i have an eighteen-year-old too so, don't worry, it's just as shocking for me as it is for you guys! but umm, that's not the reason why i invited her on stage. the reason why i invited willow on the stage with us tonight is that, on this very day when she was eight years old, we were told that willow had cancer..." he trailed off as i smiled softly and squeezed his hand tighter as he smiled back, uncle nicky, uncle shane and uncle mark moving closer by as well

taking a deep breath, dad continued, "...and for a while, we didn't think willow would make it through the very beginning, the first show of our five shows in newcastle during our farewell tour back in 2012 after she had turned nine. because, during this time, it seemed as though willow's chemo was not effective anymore. it was during this first show in newcastle of the farewell tour that she thought she wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i remember because like i already mentioned, we were doing the first of five shows in newcastle for our farewell tour in the metro arena and i got a phone call from georgina, nicky's wife. and immediately, i thought she'd be on the other line in absolute hysterics telling me that willow had died but, she hadn't. she had rung me up because willow had woken up and had cried out for me. hearing my daughter's voice that day, just as i was ready to drop everything and leave newcastle for my daughter. to then hear that she was okay and that she was still alive was all i needed to know that she was getting better. and that maybe, just maybe, she'd recover and be okay again..." dad once again trailed off as it started to get way too emotional as i smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed as the crowd stayed in utter silence

which is probably why i felt a little bit uncomfortable at the same time. since, they are usually never, the westlife fans, this quiet when my dad and uncles are on stage.

"...so, for this next song, if we're throwing out some dedications which we always do. even if we don't necessarily say them, i want to dedicate this next song to willow and the rest of our children. this is "you raise me up" please sing it if you know it, dublin!" dad finished introducing and he only had a couple tears streaming down his cheeks as we had a group hug before the song started

i stayed on stage during the whole performance of "you raise me up" and it felt magical looking at all the flashlights shining brightly. they swayed from side-to-side from my vantage point on the stage. having the privilege to even be alive and be in complete remission from my cancer.

then, during the instrumental part of the song, dad raised his microphone to this mouth and spoke up again. revealing some news that we had only just found out this very morning to the point that, i don't even think he had told uncle shane, uncle nicky and uncle mark.

dad smiled brightly as he got everyone's attention as he announced the news, "...this morning, we found out the best news in regards to willow and her cancer. we got told his morning that she is finally in complete remission and has been said that she is cancer-free!" he smiled tearfully as i turned around to see how uncle shane, uncle nicky and uncle mark reacted and it made me teary-eyed

giving me the answer that this was the first time they had been told as well. uncle nicky, uncle shane and uncle mark then rushed over and pulled us in for a group hug in which i started to cry. in pure joy that i was healthy again, my cancer is finally gone and i didn't have to be constantly in the hospital anymore.

the band then finished the rest of the song, singing it directly towards me. we then all rushed off so they could do their quick change before their encore.

~

the show had finally finished and as we relaxed and enjoyed each other's company, i got a notification saying that dad had posted to his instagram. and i just knew instantly what it was he had posted about. he had been saying all day that he had wanted to also make an instagram post, announcing that i was officially in complete remission and cancer-free. so, he did.

liked by willowegan, jodialbert, markusmoments, rokeating, caileano and 7k others

kianegan when willow was eight-years-old, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the uncertainty of her survival. however, all these years later and i have an eighteen-year-old, nearly nineteen, who i got to see reach all of her special milestones. like her tenth birthday, her high school graduation, her eighteenth and soon her nineteenth. she also got to see all of her brother's birthdays, all of their births and will be healthy enough to watch them grow up even more and watch them reach their special milestones. my daughter stayed and it is the biggest joy to say that willow is now in complete remission and cancer-free! i love you so much, willow storm egan. and if i had to watch you go through cancer all over again, i would do it. because it reminded me of truly how special and irreplaceable you are. you were me and mummy's first baby and our first daughter. you know we would do everything and anything to make sure you were your happiest, your healthiest and your best. and i truly do believe that this next season in your life, with you cancer-free and no longer in hospitals constantly, you'll be truly successful in every single thing you wish to do with your life! you are such a strong girl and even though you always say it was me, mum and koa as the reasons why you stayed, i truly believe that it was you that made yourself stay. and that it was you that gave you the strength to push through. dad loves you willow, thank you for staying 🤍

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willowegan i love you so much, daddy! i am truly so grateful to be cancer-free! and don't thank me for staying, of course i'd stay 🤍

kianegan willowegan i love you more baby girl and i know you're grateful and so am i 🤍

jodialbert these photos of our little girl! i cannot believe she's nearly nineteen 🤍

kianegan jodialbert i know right? it makes me feel so old, like, we nearly have a nineteen-year-old! 

markusmoments i swear to god, we need to stop telling each other things for the first time on stages! last time that happened, i told you all that layla was a girl! but, in all seriousness, it brings me so much happiness that willow is cancer-free! 

kianegan markusmoments lol, we really do! and it brings me so much happiness as well, getting that phone call from dr phelps was like a dream come true! 

rokeating wow, willow is finally cancer-free! i'm in tears, i cannot believe it! such good news to be heard after all the negativity in the news lately 🤍

kianegan rokeating i know! and trust me, i was crying my eyes out writing this and i still struggle to believe it and i'm glad to be the bearer of happy news after all the negative news 🤍

caileano best news ever, kian! hearing that willow's cancer-free was truly the highlight of the entire evening! 

kianegan caileano i agree! i had moments where i just wanted to scream it out way earlier in the show but i knew i couldn't! 

georginaahernbyrne this is great news kian and jodi! i'm so glad that willow is finally cancer-free! it seems as though that time from eight years old to eighteen/nineteen has been a whirlwind but also somewhat of a fever dream! 

kianegan georginaahernbyrne i know! so am i, it's been a long, windy road but, i'm glad we've finally reached the end of it! 

liked by kianegan, shanefilanofficial, nickybyrneinsta, gillianfilansligo, stormykeating, nicolefilan and 6k others

willowegan life since being cancer-free 🤍

~

being a survivor of childhood cancer, amongst other things throughout my life, i knew i wanted to stay and stay alive the moment i was told i had the "big c". since entering complete remission and getting labelled cancer-free, i've graduated high school, i've travelled back and forth between the uk and ireland. i've turned eighteen, i've gone on nights out with my parents and westlife uncles and aunties. i've gone to concerts with my cousins and i've surfed. i've been able to live my life in ways that i hadn't been able to do in years and i didn't have to worry about the scars, i didn't have to worry about being tired, i didn't have to worry about the fear of simply closing my eyes and if they'd open the next morning. i've been able to take care of and hang out with my three brothers, koa, zekey and cobi, i've seen them grow up, from when koa was a baby when i was first diagnosed to when zekey and cobi came along later on when i was recovering, to their handsome selves now. when i was battling cancer, i couldn't do the things i can do now. i couldn't surf, i couldn't drink (i mean, that was because i was underage the majority of the time), i couldn't go into physical school and had to do it all online when i wasn't violently ill, i couldn't travel back and forth between the uk and ireland. i couldn't have an extravagant ninth or tenth for that matter, and i couldn't go to concerts with my westlife cousins. when i had cancer, i was constantly riddled with the fear and anxiety of not being able to live another day because of how tired, sore and exhausted i was. having to see but also hear your parents, most especially your dad, cry and not being able to help them other than offer a hand or a soft smile for comfort was agonising. the number of times i watched my dad cry as he sat in the same hospital chair over and over again just to make sure i was still breathing through the night is no longer countable since he had done it so many times. the number of times i had to watch my uncles and aunties cry as they also sat and watched to make sure i was still alive throughout the day is immeasurable. thankfully, i didn't have to see my brothers or cousins cry a lot, especially because kian was a baby at the beginning and zekey and cobi weren't around then. neither was gia. but, at the same token, it makes me feel sick to think about the times when zekey, cobi and gia were around that they did cry during my cancer battle and i wasn't there to tell them that everything was going to be okay. but now, whenever they do cry or they are upset, i can be there for them straight away. and it was all because i stayed alive and i didn't let myself have my family go through the agony of having to live without me. because i couldn't do that to them, no way.

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kianegan i love you, more than words can describe willow! you strong, brave girl! 

willowegan kianegan i love you most daddy! and i'm only strong because of you and mum

shanefilanofficial crying my eyes out reading this! 

willowegan shanefilanofficial i cried writing this, believe it or not! 

nickybyrneinsta hearing your dad announce on stage that you're finally cancer-free after completing complete remission is the best news to hear! 

willowegan nickybyrneinsta i genuinely had no idea that he hadn't told you guys yet! so seeing how you three all reacted made me cry! 

gillianfilansligo i'm still screaming over the news that you're finally cancer-free! 

willowegan gillianfilansligo so am i aunty gillian! it's the best feeling ever! 

stormykeating i am so beyond relieved that you are cancer-free, sweet willow! i remember when i first met you when you were just a little baby and now you're a glowing eighteen-year-old 

willowegan stormykeating aw, thank you stormy! i am relieved too and thank you again! 

nicolefilan i'm literally bawling my eyes out! i'm so glad you're cancer-free willow! 

willowegan nicolefilan so am i! i cannot believe it sometimes! 

fin

i do love a happy ending sometimes, i really do!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

whenever you're ready baby girl💔

pairing : kian egan x fem!daughter reader

summary : kian's little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her short life. first, she was born way earlier than she was meant to be, had what seemed like hundreds of surgeries and hospital stays and was then diagnosed with terminal cancer that shortened her life which was always uncertain from the beginning. 

warnings : sadness, girl dad!kian, child loss, terminal illness, crying, just genuinely upsetting, surrender by natalie taylor if that even counts as a warning 

a/n : i know i seem to give the saddest and most depressing of scenarios to nicky and kian, but i am sorry but i promise i'll make sure i'll make the next kian imagine a happy one where he is a happy girl dad. also this is kind of made because kian has mentioned before that he would love to have a little girl so why i'm giving him a little girl fictionally and then having it die, i have no idea but, i am. as always, lyrics in bold italics, flashbacks in italics, present in normal font and it'll be written in lowercase because of how depressing it is. 

being diagnosed with cancer or really any illness at any age was a nightmare and indeed the worst thing that could happen to a family. however, for nine-year-old willow egan, daughter of westlife's kian egan and hollyoaks actress and wonderland's jodi albert, it was even more nightmarish. especially since everything about her illness and cancer diagnosis was posted on nearly every single social media site and magazine because of how high profile her parents arer and how famous that then made her and her baby brother by proxy. in saying that though, it didn't really bother the young nine-year-old too much because at the end of the day, she was able to share her experiences with her specific cancer and give those young people who were also dealing with the same thing that they had someone else their age who understood what they were going through and that ultimately, they weren't alone in their fight with cancer. 

however, there did come a stage where willow could feel herself start to give up and, it seemed as though everyone in her family and extended westlife family could also see it happening, which terrified them. 

we let the waters rise, we drifted to survive. 

by the minute, willow was getting weaker and the cancer was getting so much stronger to the point where she felt like she was merely drifting, treading through the water to survive the day let alone the next one. not only was this having a weighing effect on willow, but it was also having the same effect on her parents, kian and jodi, her baby brother koa as well as the extended westlife family who she called her uncles, aunties and cousins. going through this with willow was starting to weigh everyone down. not because the girl was a burden, but because they knew she was getting weaker as the days went by and were getting ready to let go.

one year ago

it felt like all the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on kian and his wife jodi. they never imagined they'd be getting this news after another regular hospital trip for their first child, eight-year-old willow egan. 

"...mr egan? kian, did you hear what i just told you?" willow's doctor, dr phelps questioned, kian blinked a couple of times before responding 

"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" kian still sounded like he was so far away from dr phelps' office but did his best to not tune out this time since it seemed as though it was quite important what he was telling him and jodi

 "i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."

 ahh, yes, that's what the conversation was about, his eldest and only daughter had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. and they were talking about roads of treatment and how successful they could potentially be for a tiny little eight-year-old. kian could feel a sob building in his throat and it seemed like his wife could feel it too, holding her husband's hand tightly, she just wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office right now. 

"...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" kian gulped as he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed jodi's hand with the other one 

"now, mr egan, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer, we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life. but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as kian felt his heart shatter

jodi feeling like she was holding it all together, his face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the doctor. then he caught a glimpse of his precious baby girl sitting ever so peacefully in the waiting room with her uncles nicky and shane. the both of them lovingly putting their hands up to take care of her whilst uncle mark put his hand up to take care of her baby brother koa.

"...she doesn't deserve this..." kian croaked out, bringing his tissue up to cover his face as jodi comforted her husband whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly 

"...no, she doesn't kian, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel. but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, little willow was going to survive another diagnosis

but, heartbreakingly, kian and jodi thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in willow's eyes, she too thought the same thing as her parents

willow's pov

i lay in my hospital bed, a smile on my face as i saw my mum, dad and baby brother open the door and let in my three westlife uncles. leaving me alone to spend time with them whilst they went to get lunch. usually, it would only be two, maybe one, allowed in my room. but, by an exception rule, i was allowed to have more than just one or two in my room at once.

"hey will," uncle nicky smiled, closing the door behind him since he was the last one to file into the room 

"hey, uncle nico!" i smiled as i then gave him a hug since i had already given uncle shane and uncle mark a hug beforehand 

my smile then quickly disappeared as i caught a glimpse of my dad looking like he was crying. but, he was trying to be discrete about it as i looked out of the window behind uncle nico's shoulder. even though he was supposed to be getting lunch with mum and koa. it seemed like uncle nico, uncle shane and uncle mark all noticed it even though i also tried to be discrete about it.

"why are you suddenly so upset, will? you were just smiling a second ago, what's up chickadee?" uncle shane spoke up as he got himself comfortable on my bed, immediately grabbing my hand to hold - not for my comfort but for his even though it did make me feel ten times better 

"dad's crying, uncle shay but he's trying to hide it even though he's supposed to be getting lunch with mum and koa. why won't he cry in front of me or when he thinks i can't see it? i just wish he'd be more vulnerable with me because i always tell him when i'm sad or when i'm scared... so why can't he?" i sighed as all three uncles, nico, shay and mark gave me empathetic smiles as uncle shay takes a big breath in, mark and nico letting shay explain

"well, my little chickadee, it's slightly complicated because, whilst your daddy has always been an emotional person like i am, it's different when it comes to you and koa. he doesn't tend to cry in front of you two because he knows that, one, koa won't completely understand why daddy's upset but does know something is wrong and two, he knows that if you see him cry that it'll either worry you or question him on why he's crying. he just doesn't want you to worry about why he's crying because sometimes, he's just crying because of how much he really loves you, koa and your mummy..." uncle shay trailed off as he caressed my hand comfortingly as i nodded my head, feeling somewhat better

"...he also wishes that if he could, he would switch places with you. have him be in this bed and sick but, marky, nico and i always tell him that that would have been even worse. we all wish that you didn't have to deal with this. because you always seemed to be given the short straws in life. but, we are all so glad that we still get to have you with us at this very moment, right now. because right now is what's important, okay? not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or the next week. today, right now, okay, you understand?" uncle shay explained as i smiled softly and nodded my head as i then smiled at uncle nico and uncle mark to reassure them

a knock at my door then got everyone's attention. my day nurse walked into my room, letting me know that i was being given another dose of treatment. even though i knew it wasn't really doing anything to help me as it used to when i first started it a year ago.

i needed you to stay, but i let you drift away

when eight-year-old willow was first diagnosed, although she needed everyone to stay, she began to drift away. away from her parents, her brother, uncles and aunties and even her cousins. although she didn't want to, she was doing it because she didn't want her family to see her like they were going to. so, before it was to start happening, she made sure to have everyone stay away from her. except, even though she thought it worked, it really didn't work, even though willow resisted at times.

willow's pov 

having to hide my treatment from my baby brother and cousins for the first couple of months was probably the hardest thing ever. anytime they tried to come into my room to spend time with me, i'd push them away and tell them that i was tired or that i was feeling sick and couldn't spend time with them. which, in all fairness to me, wasn't always a lie since i do have cancer and that makes you feel ill. but, when i did start my chemo treatments, i was beginning to feel a lot better that i could realistically deal with hanging out and chatting with my cousins rather than entirely and selfishly shutting them out. however, there just came to a point where i couldn't hide the treatments any longer and, one day when it was me giving myself doses of chemo, my brother koa and my cousin nicole, who was holding koa, had run into my room. before nicole screamed, causing a whole frenzy and literal cavalier of parents, uncles and nurses to rush into my room as though something was wrong with me. but, to be fair, i couldn't blame nor be mad at nicole since i don't think any of my cousins or koa were told that some days, i would be giving myself solo dosages if my regular day nurses weren't available to do it for me. and since it was the first time they had seen me do it, let alone at all and had no idea i was even getting treatment, i understood nicole and koa's fear because i myself wanted to scream when i was told that i'd have to learn to do my own dosages as well. 

"...nicole! willow! is everything okay? why did you scream nicole?!" uncle shane suddenly barges in, the rest of the cavalier behind him

only to see that i was calmly doing my chemo dosages calming him down. only for him to turn around and see nicole, holding koa to her chest, hugging each other. the both of them cramped near one of my chest of drawers in the far corner of my hospital room in distress

the moment uncle shane, dad, uncle nicky, uncle mark and mum saw that, it seemed like their hearts all individually broke.then, immediately, nicole saw my dad and bolted over to him after giving koa a sweet kiss on his head of hair and handing him over. before she then ran over to her own dad as well. watching it all go down made me feel like i was in trouble since i should have realised that nicole and koa were going to come in and that i should have waited until after they had left to do my chemo doses, not whilst they were walking in. 

uncle nicky seemed to notice this and immediately took action whilst mum and dad calmed down a sobbing koa and whilst uncle mark and uncle shane calmed down a sobbing nicole, "oh, baby. willow, come here sweetheart!" uncle nicky whispered as he held me as tightly as he could whilst not messing up my ivs and drips that i had attached to me whilst receiving chemo 

"is...is this all my fault uncle nicky? why koa and nicole are crying?" i whispered, too scared to speak any louder just in case i would get in trouble as uncle nicky's face nearly collapsed as he shook his head, his eyes sincere 

"absolutely not chica! it is not your fault at all! whilst you knew that your brother and cousin were coming in to visit you, you didn't know when which was for sure not your fault at all! and it wasn't koa and nicole's fault either. not like koa would understand but they weren't even told that you were taking treatments or that some days you'd be doing it yourself. so don't put that blame on yourself, you don't need that extra baggage, babe. you are not in trouble at all," uncle nicky insisted as i nodded my head, wholeheartedly believing him as he hugged me again as i smiled softly 

however, koa and nicole had been comforted enough to where they were able to hang out with me and talk, well, me and nicole did. koa just sat in my lap and was being cute. that was until they were quickly ushered out, along with uncle shane, uncle mark and uncle nicky when my nurses and parents looked devastated. as if they had some sad news they needed to tell me that was going to most definitely be sad. but, to me, the news seemed obvious so it confused me why mum and dad looked so upset.

my nurse then started to explain the news in more detail to mum and dad. but, because i had already overheard this news and already kind of seen it coming, i tuned out. only tuning back in when dad broke down in tears abruptly, apologising to the nurse, mum and me before walking out of the hospital room.

"...i...i am so sorry..." dad sobbed out as he then abruptly left, running down the hallway of the hospital floor as i tuned back in

and i was confused as i saw the way the family outside reacted. uncle shay giving nicole to uncle mark as he started to run after dad.  

"...willow, sweetpea, did you hear anything that the nurse just said?" mum then spoke up as i slowly shook my head no as she took a breath in before smiling, slightly brushing my hair 

"n...no, why? did i do something wrong, mam? where...where's daddy going? i...i need him, mummy..." i trailed off as fear engulfed me as mum hugged me before letting go and explaining to me what my nurse had said before dad ran off 

"...oh, chickee, no, you haven't done anything wrong...it's just, your nurse was explaining to us that the chemo isn't working anymore, you know that right?" mum trembled, her hands resting on my shoulders

i was worried for less than a second before realising that it had been mentioned to me before. even though i did have a sense it stopped working properly as i nodded my head. 

"yeah...yeah, of course, i know that, it was mentioned to me before," i smiled, obviously not understanding properly as mum gasped out a small cry, stopping herself from fully crying as i looked at her in confusion 

"do you understand what that means, willow?" mum looked at me with a sad questioning look, it took me some time to process it but i slowly nodded my head 

"yeah...yeah, it means that it's no longer effectively treating my cancer..." wait, the chemo is no longer effectively treating my cancer... does that mean i'm going to die before i turn ten? 

"...wait, umm, nurse, could you...could you please go and find my dad? don't worry about me, i have mum with me, she knows what to do, thanks..." i was trying to comprehend all of this news and it was difficult

yet this hospital and these four walls have been basically my whole life. and especially considering this chemo hasn't been effectively working for ages and only now i've fully realised it? 

"...of course willow. as soon as i find your dad, i'll invite him in," the nurse smiled and left with nothing more as i smiled back at her as i watched her leave 

"thanks..." i breathed out as she left to find dad as it was now just mum and me as she then spoke up 

"babe, why'd you send the nurse out to find dad?" that was all it took for me to collapse in her arms as i started to panic 

"oh, babe, what's wrong?" she reacted, rubbing my back as she hugged me as tightly as she physically could as i slowly started to feel better 

"i...i'm scared mummy, i...i don't want to die," i panicked as mum hugged me again and rubbed my back before pulling away, her hands on my shoulders 

"darling, you are not going to die. you are going to be absolutely fine. we've only been told the results of the chemo treatments, we also have you in radiotherapy and still haven't been given the results about how that's going. so, who knows, maybe whilst the chemo isn't working, the radiotherapy might be and that's why it could be affecting the chemo results? don't always look on the negative side sweetheart," mum smiled softly, rubbing my shoulders as i nodded my head because mum did have a point - we still hadn't been given my radiotherapy results yet

however, in the split second of being comforted by my mum and feeling wide awake, i suddenly felt limp and grew tired. falling forwards into mum's grip, and in a state of pure quick thinking and keeping calm and collected, mum hit the emergency button. this then immediately paged one of my nurses to my room.

"mummy...i...i'm tired...i'm...i'm so tired..." i mumbled out sleepily as i felt mum's breathing quicken as she held me after her hand released the emergency button as i weakly smiled 

"--nurses to room 452, cancer patient, nurses to room 452, cancer patient..." was heard over the loudspeakers through the hospital floor which i could tell would freak out the rest of my family since they all were aware of my room number 

suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed my room, immediately removing my mum's grip from me as they laid me back down properly on my bed. the last thing i remembered hearing was the nurse screaming, "everyone get out now!" 

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

thankfully, the real reason why willow was tired wasn't that she was about to die. it was just simply because of the chemo dosage. she had accidentally given herself a little too much than she was supposed to. and it was suspected that it happened when the koa, nicole panic situation happened. which, at first worried everyone but, it was quickly levelled properly and willow was fine again. she was now in a deep sleep and in a place of everything being at the levels they were supposed to be. however, willow could tell that her dad was resting next to his daughter and silently crying whilst uncle shay tried to calm him down as jodi took care of the kids.

willow's pov

thankfully, after the scare i had with my chemo dosage, i woke up around four-ish hours later. but, i was keepin my eyes closed, simply resting them whilst dad cried into my hand that i had laid at my side as he caressed it. uncle shay sat next to him and comforted him. even though i was resting my eyes and somewhat awake, i could hear him whisper.

"come on baby, where's all your energy gone? you've never been this tired before, what happened?" he whispered into my hand as i heard him cry as i could feel uncle shay try to comfort him

"it's not gone completely kino. she's just storing it all before using it when she's got all of it. she's still your daughter," uncle shay whispered to my dad as i smiled, he was right, i hadn't gone anywhere

"where is my little girl, will? open your eyes babe, it's been four hours! what's better up there as your reason to not open your eyes? come on darling, i wanna see your blue eyes!" dad started to sob and i broke my heart, now i understood why he always ran away from me when he started to cry as my eyes started to flutter open, uncle shay nudging dad to look up from my hands

"d...daddy," i mumbled as i slowly sat myself up, uncle shay nudging dad to look up, when he did he smiled small

"willow...are you okay? is something hurting? are you hungry? do you..."

"...daddy, i'm fine, calm down, please. i'm just tired but, nothing that a splash of water to the face and some food can't fix. i promise i am okay and, to answer your question, even if it was rhetorical, my energy hasn't completely disappeared. it's just halfway full and i'm wanting it to be all the way full before i start using it. and your little girl hasn't gone anywhere, i'm still here daddy," i smiled as i combed my fingers through his hair as he smiled, it slowly started to reach his eyes as tears welled in his eyes

"i'm never leaving daddy..."

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was slowly starting to deteriorate and it was painful. not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. okay, maybe it physically hurt a litlte bit but, the girl never said anything because she didn't want to hear her doctors and nurses talking anymore. and she didn't want them giving her more harmful drugs in her system. however, willow's hospice carer and main oncologist, dr phelps realised what was going on. and then told willow's current guests, couins nicole and rocco to leave so dr phelps could talk to willow in private.

willow's pov 

dr phelps knew something was up, he knew i was in pain. physically and mentally. however, this was the first time in a while that he was questioning me about it.

closing the door on my cousins, nicole and rocco, he sat down and gave me a raised eyebrow, "okay, come on small one. tell me what's up? there's something going on that you're not telling the rest of your family. so, tell me, what's going on?" dr phelps tilted his head to look at me, i had never felt this weak or small in my entire life as i huffed

"nothing dr phelps, i'm fine," i lied, again

yeah, this was something i had been doing this past month. especially considering i basically only had this month left before i drop dead anyway. so, might as well lie, right? which, when you remember the fact i'm nine years old and i'm saying this, is quite sad

"no, you're not willow. i've been by your side for the entire year and a half that you've gone through this. this is the exact opposite of how you acted so, what's wrong? you know if you don't or can't tell you parents, uncles or aunties, you can and have to tell me. so, spill, what is going through that little undeveloped head of yours?" although i really didn't want to laugh, dr phelps did always find a way in how he did his consults to make it lighthearted and comedic in the right places as i smiled

"seriously? do i have to?" i joked with a small giggle, acting like the teenager i'd never get to be as dr phelps nodded his head with a half smile

"uh-huh, come on small one. cough it up, what's wrong?" dr phelps smiled as i huffed, explaining everything to him, having no clue that my dad and uncle shay had walked past, hearing it all

"i'm tired dr phelps. like, in a way i've never been before and i...i'm so sore. the amount of pain i'm in is so painful it feels like i'm in pain every day. why...why can't it just stop doctor?" i was wanting to cry but, i couldn't because of how unbearable the pain was getting

"i know small one, i know how tired you are. but, are you able to hold on a little bit longer? just a little? i mean, it's almost your daddy's birthday. and, i know for a fact, even though i shouldn't say this, that one of your daddy's birthday wishes is for you to be there with the family and sing him happy birthday. you think you could hold on a little longer for that?" dr phelps stroked my cheeks as i shrugged my shoulders - i've gotten so tired that i'm just not so sure how much longer i can continue this fight, even though getting to daddy's next birthday would be amazing

"i...i want to but, i...i don't know anymore dr phelps," i mumbled when i heard a sob muffled by either a hand or someone's shoulder

looking past dr phelps, the door opened, and i noticed dad and uncle shay - dad crying into uncle shay's shoulder as uncle shay tried to once again comfort him.

"i...i'm sorry daddy but, i-i'm just so tired..." my eyes started to close as dr phelps let them know that i was sleeping, i was fine and my heart machine and the others alike were still working normally, i was just sleeping

"...it's alright guys, willow is okay. she's just sleeping, she's not dead," dr phelps smiled as they all nodded their heads, breathing a sigh of relief

"thanks, dr phelps. i think we're okay to watch her now. go and eat something, i'm sure you're starving, thank you again," dad whispered as dr phelps nodded his head and left shortly after as i felt dad grab my hand

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready 

willow was on the last stretch of her life before her cancer would take over her life and slowly kill her. she had been spending the last month on hospice treatment at her home in sligo with her family, the extended westlife family and dr phelps. the thing that hurt everyone the most other than the obvious was how much younger she looked. even though she was still just a kid at nine-years-old. she was weak, skinny and basically unrecognisable. to the point where baby koa sometimes couldn't recognise willow. she had just helped her family celebrate her dad's birthday just three weeks shy of coming back home for hospice care. she managed to get healthy enough to sit on her daddy's lap at a restaurant and sing happy birthday to him with the rest of the family. however, straight after, willow's health quickly declined and had her bedridden ever since.

willow's pov 

i was so tired and weak and i always felt so sick that all i wanted to do was just sleep. however, i knew if i did close my eyes, there was a change i wouldn't open them again. and that would, no pun intended, kill my entire family but especially my dad. so, for the sake of my dad and the rest of my family, i tried. i tried so hard to keep my eyes open until i physically couldn't any longer.

"hey chickadee, you alright sweetpea?" uncle mark yawned as he slowly woke up, uncle shane already awake, nudging dad and uncle nico as they opened their eyes as well

for context, these four crazies had been with me all night. whilst mum and the other spouses volunteered to watch the other children whilst dr phelps could actually sleep through the night properly. because, normally, it's dr phelps that stays with me overnight in my bedroom, not my family.

"mm, i've been better uncle marky but, you know, it's life," i smirked weakley as he gave me a sad smile

dad hadn't let go of my hand, i started to stroke my finger against his hand as i gave him a small smile, "daddy, will i be forgotten about?" i mumble as dad gasps out, tears slowly landing on my hand

"oh, honey, no, never. you'll always be with me, mummy and koa. koa will be told everything about his older sister," he sobbed softly as i nodded my head, barely even able to acknowledge my other uncles who watched on in devastation

"daddy? i'm...i'm tired. can i go to sleep? when can i go home?" i was so weak and tired, i had never felt so little and like an infant until now

dad sobbed again, knowing the "home" i meant wasn't our physical home which my bedroom was in right now. uncle nico and uncle shay tried to comfort him whilst uncle mark comforted me.

"whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready baby girl," he sobbed into my hand as i breathed out softly, a small smile on face

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender?

it was now coming up to willow's last few days alive. and she was getting even more weaker if that was possible, as the days went on. she was slowly starting to surrender to her cancer and was wanting her dad and the family to do the same thing as well. they didn't deserve this. to have to constantly take care of her every single day when her dad and uncles were meant to be going on their last ever, farewell tour as westlife. but, it seemed as though since the birth of koa, back in december of 2011, and the cancer diagnosis and everything else with the westlife greatest hits compilation album and farewell tour, they were for now, halting their asian leg of the farewell tour until further notice. sacrificing it all to take care of her in her last months alive. willow saw it as something they didn't need, an extra "thing" they didn't need stressing over but they didn't. they all saw it as being heroes and just doing what was right. being together as a band a little bit longer before they end it so they could take care of their dying daughter and niece.

willow's pov

today was a quiet day, no one really said anything. as though everyone knew that i was coming to the last stretch of my life. so, dad, uncle nico, uncle mark and uncle shane all sat around my bed. whilst mum, aunty georgina, aunty gilian and their kids/my siblings sat around my room. they were all so upset and it was the first time i had everyone in my room all at the same time since leaving the hospital and coming home. but, it was the first time i had really seen dad so upset. sure, i had seen and heard him cry plenty of times but, not like this. and it sucked. i hated seeing anyone upset but none more so than my family, especially my dad. because it made me feel helpless, i mean, more than i already was. i literally couldn't move or do anything to make him feel better. hell, the only thing he wanted was for me to get better but, that was the one thing i definitely couldn't and have failed to do. slowly, the family started to trail out of my room leaving uncle mark with me. they all took advantage of the new starbucks and convenience store that had been built right on the corner of the street we live on. the rest of the family decided to walk over to for some lunch whilst uncle mark stayed back with me as that was the rule. i always needed at least one person to stay with me at all times, day and night.

"wanna know a secret, chickadee?" uncle mark whispered as i looked up at him, mustering all the strength i had to hold his hand

"what is it uncle marky?" i spoke softly, caressing his hand as he smiled

"i'm scared," what he said was so simple but it was heartbreaking as i nodded my head, believing him

"yeah? do you wanna know my secret?" i whispered as i held his hand slightly tighter as he combed his fingers through my hair as he nodded

"yeah, what is it?" he responded with a smile as i smiled back

"i'm scared too," i gulped as uncle mark nodded his head

but he didn't bring it back up straight away which confused me. until he finally did lift his head back up when a exposed tear that i don't think he meant to release streamed down his cheek.

"oh, uncle marky, don't cry," i whispered, slowly bringing my finger up to wipe it away which makes him laugh softly

"i'm scared, chickadee, of course, i'm going to cry," he whispered back as i smiled again, my finger that wiped his tear slowly coming back down to rest at my side

"you'll be fine, i promise uncle marky," i smiled as i fiddled weakly with my blanket as uncle mark hummed

"how do you know, will? you won't be here for it?" he whimpered as i pressed my lips together before bringing my finger up again to wipe another one one of his tears

"i'll always be here uncle mark, you just won't see me," i smiled as he sniffled, trying to look away as i struggled in grabbing his chin to look at me

"i...i'll miss you little chickadee," uncle mark whimpered as more tears fell down his cheeks, chuckling, not because i was insensitive but because i was thinking the same thing

"i'll miss you too uncle marky but, it's okay. i'll be th ghost that haunts you in your dreams every night *tearful giggles*. which sounds awful so, maybe not in your dreams. but, i'll be keeping you - all of you guys - safe. i'll give you signs every single day. if you ever need anything, just call my name, and i'll be there," i whispered to him as he nodded his head

he let his head fall into my arm as i cooed, my hand curving around the back of his head. i. then smoothed his hair to calm him down.

can we, can we surrender? i surrender 

just like the day earlier, before willow and her family, said anything, it was figured out that she'd be spending some alone time with uncle shane. in the same way she did with uncle mark yesterday. with uncle shane crying and willow trying to comfort him, soothing him, the nine-year-old suddenly felt at peace. almost as if her surrender was coming to its end. just like yesterday, uncle shane had taken advantage of everyone else going around the corner for lunch. so, this time it was uncle shane that stayed with willow.

willow's pov

"...willow...willow..." whispering to wake me up, my eyes fluttered open and i woke up, uncle shane was sitting next to me

a small smile that barely reached his eyes on his face as he relaxed knowing i was still alive.

"...what's wrong uncle shay? are you okay?" i mumbled with worry, uncle shay scoffed and shook his head

his lip then trembled as if he was about to cry - oh no, please uncle shay, don't cry. i feel like all i've seen lately is you guys cry or be sad. and i just want us to get through a day without someone crying.

"i don't care if i'm okay, are you okay willow?" he responded as i was taken aback - i had never really been asked that question in a while and, i wasn't so sure how to give a truthful answer

"umm...yeah i'm fi--" just as i was about to lie, uncle shay caught me and prevented me even though i think he knew

he knew just like i did, that i wasn't lying on purpose. but because i just didn't know how to truthfully answer the question as he swallowed back a sob.

"--no you're not willow, please baby. don't lie to me, please tell me the truth sweetheart," he choked out as i looked up at him as my lip trembled

"i...i don't know uncle shay. i'm just, tired...so tired and i..." he cut me off, sobs softly wracking his body as his head fell onto my arm

"...please don't say it willow, please don't say it..." he sobbed as i took in a deep breath, as deep as i could and i whispered it

"...i surrender...i'm ready..." i whispered as i fell asleep, my heart machine beating steadily, uncle shay quietly sobbing as he brushed my hair back with one hand whilst the other one wiped away his tears

no one will win this time, i just want you back, i'm running to your side 

it continued to come to willow's final days on earth and having one-on-one time with her family. and today, it was with uncle nico. also the girl when waking up after uncle shay had fallen asleep, started to write some letters for her family. she just hoped they were intelligible enough to be understood.

willow's pov 

as i woke up from my short little nap, taking a quick look at my vitals, to make sure i didn't need to scream for dr phelps, i smiled. i saw uncle nico. with a small smile, with his arms crossed and his feet weirdly crossed as he rested his weight on the side post of my door frame.

"hey goober, am i allowed to enter your counselling room?" uncle nico joked as i smiled and laughed slightly

this entire time, uncle nico had been trying to make me laugh and, he finally did it. and, in all honesty, the both of us couldn't have been happier.

"a nine-year-old is qualified enough to be a therapist? nice joke uncle nico *giggles*. but, yes, you may enter, no one is stopping you from entering. as, this appointment is all yours, mr byrne. speaking of, what's up uncle nico, how are you dealing with this?" and yes, it went from zero to a hundred in seriousness quickly

but, it was because it is a serious topic as we both mirrored each other. crossed over arms and small smiles on our faces.

"i mean, i've been better but, i'm alright. but, most importantly, how are you willow? you haven't really cried once, why haven't you cried? you're meant to cry willow," uncle nico explained, his voice getting shaky quickly as i took in a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders

"i dunno," i shrugged, honestly, i had no idea why i hadn't cried yet

it was maybe because i didn't want to seem weaker than i already am.

"you've got to know willow, please. before this whole thing became this, you were always crying. almost every day and now it's the other way around, why?" uncle nico pleaded as, once again, i just shrugged my shoulders

"i don't know uncle nico, that's my honest response," i shrugged as uncle nico just bit his lip to stop his sobs from getting too loud

"just know that you are allowed to cry babe, no one is stopping you. hell, if you need to scream, just scream and we'll all be there to make it go away," uncle nico softly smiled as he gave me a kiss on the head as he then started to leave shortly after

but, before he could fully leave, i stopped him.

"...uncle nico, wait..." i called out, uncle nico stopping and turning around, smiling small

"...what's up babe, you okay?" he asked as he walked back over as i nodded my head but handed him something

"yeah, i'm okay. i just, i wanted to give you these since dr phelps can't take them. before you ask, i wrote everyone a letter as well as added a photo so you really don't forget me. and for the kids and my little egan, they have a separate letter even though i know they won't understand it until they're a lot older. and promise me you won't let them read the letters until after i die..." i muttered as i handed uncle nico the letters, i could tell he was struggling to accept the letters but did so anyway

"of course, i will. i'll make sure we won't forget you. i promise baby girl. thank you, willow," he whispered, kissing my cheek as i smiled as he walked out of my room for the shift change with dr phelps

flying my white flag, my white flag. my love, where are you, my love, where are you? 

the countdown on willow's life was really quickly coming to an end and she wanted to make sure she got all the love, hugs and kisses and tears until her last breath. since the egan had said her final goodbye her baby brother koa, again a baby and has no clue what's happening, cousins, uncles, aunties and parents, she had forced her dad and uncles to slowly get back into the rehearsals for their farewell tour. and this was so they were still working to some degree. and, on one of the days off, dr phelps let willow be alone with her dad and uncles, not wanting to ruin it with them. and, it was comforting for the girl. the only talk between the group was every single memory that they shared together. willow, her dad, uncle nico, uncle shay and uncle mark were all cuddled up on the bed together.

willow's pov 

talking about all the memories i've shared with my dad and uncles is the best way i could possibly begin the end of my time on this earth. dad, uncle nico, uncle shay and uncle mark were all cuddled up together on my bed. thankful that it was quite large so, it was nice being so close to each other because it was truly comforting.

"...oh oh oh! i just remembered another one!" uncle shay piped out as we all laughed at the tone of his voice - it went high-pitched for those who were wondering why it was funny

"i remember we were on the late late show, and we were being interviewed and performing our new single at the time. willow, you were in the audience but you were so calm and collected that ryan didn't know you were there until the end when i was mentioned. and you threw your hands up in such excitement because it was the first time you were being shouted out whilst being at a live interview with us. it was the cutest thing ever and i literally remember that like it was yesterday!" uncle shay explained as we all smiled as i grabbed my drink bottle to have a drink to disguise an oncoming cough, feeling fine afterwards

"wow, i totally forgot about that shay, does anyone have any others?" uncle mark giggled out as dad piped up for the first time in a while

"i have one..." dad piped up as we all turned to look at my dad who now looked as though he spends his days crying - which, he basically does at this stage

"what is it kino?" uncle nico smiled as dad took in a deep breath, puling me closer to him as i giggled softly

"when you ran on stage for the first time. you were waiting backstage with mum but got too excited that the moment you knew she wasn't looking, you took that as your chance...and you ran straight over to me. it was just aftere you got your cancer diagnosis and before we halted everything westlife. you had been looking forward to that show for so long that no one could even think to be mad at you, not even the host of the tv show, when you ran on stage to give me a hug and sing "you raise me up" with us," dad cuddled into me as i smiled - yeah that was a memory of mine that i remembered and well too

"another one was when me and koa surprised mum on her birthday by making her that photo album. even though i was the one that made it considering koa's a baby. but it was really cute seeing her reaction and how excited she was to receive it," i giggled softly as dad and my uncles agreed

just as we were about to continue our trip down memory lane, a knock came on my door. dr phelps behind it as he gave an apologetic look that he had to cut our time together short but, we understood.

"...hey guys. i am so sorry to do this but, i am afraid it is time to hook willow back up to all of her other machines that isn't her life-support machine. but, whilst i'm doing this, if anyone does have any concerns, queries or anything, do feel free to ask. and, if she's able to, willow can help me answer them, right wills?" dr phelps winked as i smiled and nodded my head

"of course, so, any questions?" i smiled softly as dad moved away from the bed, as did uncle mark, uncle shay and uncle nico so dr phelps could hook me up to the other machines again

reason being was for a certain amount everyday, i'd have some time off of those machines, except for my life-support machine. even though i should have been kept on all of these machines, it was only because i was coming to the end of my life that i was taking breaks from the other crucial machines i was hooked up to.

i then noticed that uncle nico had a question and he spoke up, "willow..." he begun as i smiled

"...yeah uncle nico, you got a question?" smiling at my uncle, i could tell that nico was going to break his own heart and then everyone else's with his question but i knew he had to ask it anyway

"how long will it take for you to die when all the machines are turned off, not just these ones you're getting hooked back onto?" uncle nico gave me a worried look as i smiled, knowing he was terrified of seeing it with his own eyes

"it depends, uncle nico. and if i'm right, it could take a couple of hours or an entire day, is that right dr phelps?" i responded, still asking dr phelps for help as he nods his head, letting me know i was correct

"yes, however, whilst we're talking about life support machines, willow can obviously die before we make the decision to turn her off life support if and when we come to that decision. because, sadly, we will have to come to that choice. like anyone on life support, whether it's due to cancer or because they're clinically brain dead or whatever, of course they can succumb to whatever caused them to be on life support to have them pass away before their day of their life support getting turned off happens. it just means the life-support machine will still beep because that's how we'll know that it's happened and we'll still have to turn it off. just, it wouldn't be the main reason why they've passed on, it'll just be that they've passed on before having to manually take her off of life-support." dr phelps expanded and i could tell that nearly took uncle nico to his knees

he managed to compose himself however as he nodded his head and squeezed my hand as i squeezed it back.

"any other questions?" i smiled as uncle shay took in a deep breath, dad staying frozen, obviously knowing the answers to these questions

which is why he didn't say anything, not that i think he wanted to say anything anyway which was fair.

"will it hurt? like, will you be able to feel any of it happening?" another thing that uncle shane and the rest of my family had been worried about when we were all told that i'd die soon - if it would hurt as i smiled

as dr phelps shook his head, i responded, "not at all uncle shay, it'll be like falling asleep or as though your blinking but you don't open your eyes to blink again," i smiled as i grabbed a tight squeeze of uncle shay's hand as he nodded his head

i then looked at uncle mark, i knew he wanted to say something. a way to stall dr phelps from eventually turning off the machines.

so, he did, "how would you feel if we went back to proper rehearsals for the farewell tour and interviews for the next week? would you be okay?" uncle mark said softly as my eyes lit up, nodding my head

"oh my gosh! i'd love for you guys to go back to rehearsals and interviews for the farewell tour for the next week! seriously! i can have mum and if you want, you can have the aunties here as well!" i was so excited as i think that released a lot of stress off of not just dad but my uncles as well

"well, then, that just leaves us to dedicate the farewell tour and the interview promotions to you! and i don't care what you say!" uncle shane buts in which makes us all giggle

"oh, thank you uncle shay! you know you didn't need to do that! i love you!" i laughed as uncle shay hugged me again as he kissed my face

"nope, we're doing it! no matter how many times you refuse it, these interviews and farewell tour is dedicated to you. we also agreed in advance anyway that they'd be dedicated to you so, no take backs!" uncle shay smiled as i rolled my eyes and smiled

"okay fine, if you feel like you need to, here is my full permission!" i smiled as my dad and uncles cheered, making me giggle

my love, where are you? my love, where are you? 

the rehearsals for the farewell tour and interviews to promote it were over and they were on the third show of their final ever tour as westlife. it was the third show. the third show of their final tour that willow stayed alive. when, suddenly, during aunty georgina's shift of looking after her niece, willow's life support machine started to beat unevenly. that was when dr phelps said that, willow's time had come and aunty georgina had to say goodbye. georgina, of course, freaked out. the band were on stage in newcastle, united kingdom, nowhere near ireland. whilst the lads were performing on stage, she rang their tour manager, baz whelan. telling him that it had happened peacefully and that it would be better if the rest of the show, not the whole tour, just the show, had been cancelled. just so the lads could fly over to ireland and say their goodbyes to their daughter and niece.

willow's pov

since the last catch up, i managed to keep strong throughout the whole promotional interviews for the farewell tour and their rehearsals. and today was the third show of the entire tour. they were currently in newcastle, united kingdom for the first of their five consecutive shows there. even though i promised them i'd be alive by the time they finished their tour, being well enough to see their last ever show on june 23rd 2012 in croke park, dublin. but, i had a feeling that i wasn't going to be able to do that. but, i did not think i'd get to show three and that would be the day it'd happen. as i half slept peacefully, with aunty georgina, uncle nico's wife, softly singing to me and cuddling me in bed, my life support machine started to go awol as did my body. straight away, without hesitation, aunty georgina shot right up, running to get dr phelps. this is it, i'm going to die tonight. i'm scared, heck, what's a word that means the same thing as scared but means even more? i mean, i genuinely thought i'd make it at least, at least, to halfway through or even their first of their final weekend at croker, not their third show in newcastle!

"...aunty g, i...i'm tired, when can i go? i'm so tired," i sobbed, for the first time. wishing the rest of the family were here, so they knew i wasn't in pain

"oh, chickadee, it's alright baby girl!" aunty georgina soothed, running her fingers through my hair as i weakly smiled

"g...g, when...when can i let...let go?" it was like i was five again when i first seriously injured myself - i felt so young and like i was koa's age again as i sobbed weakly

"whenever you're ready baby girl, whenever you're ready," she whispered as i whimpered and then, after another verse of georgina singing, it happened, my life support machine started going, my body going, getting ready to flatline

beep....beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i could hear everything. i could hear aunty georgina and dr phelps running to the bed. i could hear aunty georgina screaming at dr phelps to try and keep me alive just for a few hours longer so dad and my uncles could see me alive once more. just one last time. however, dr phelps couldn't so, aunty georgina, screamed and sobbed down the phone line. grabbing her phone to ring baz whelan, westlife's security guard telling him i was gone. hearing aunty georgina cry and scream like that hurt, it felt like i was getting thrown into a wall or getting stabbed near my heart.

"...dr phelps! please! do something! just keep her alive for a few hours longer please!" aunty georgina screamed, sobbing as i could just picture dr phelps and him shaking his head, telling aunty georgina that he, unfortunately, couldn't and that, it was time to pull the plug

"georgina, please, darling, i can't. i'm not allowed to, there is nothing more for me to do for your niece. she wasn't in any pain darling, you could see that, she is in complete peace. she was happy that you were with her in her last moments when both of her parents couldn't be. she couldn't feel anything at all. she was at peace with it, please, i know it is hard but, it's time to let her go georgina," dr phelps said softly as aunty georgina's cries got louder and more grief-stricken

"i...i can't let her go, dr phelps! please, just a little bit longer, let her parents and her uncles fly home to see her, please! let them say goodbye!" aunty georgina cried out as dr phelps just shook his head again, he couldn't, there was nothing else that could have been done to keep me alive  

"i'm sorry georgina but, i have to. are you stable enough to ring baz to let him know so he can pass this information to the guys?" dr phelps spoke calmly but with a tinge of sadness as aunty georgina nodded her head

"yes," aunty georgina was trying so hard to calm herself down before calling baz

nicky's pov

the amount of fun the four of us were having on this farewell tour was insane. i genuinely never though that we'd be able to get this happy considering that was going on at home with our daughter/niece willow and my wife georgina who was looking after her. however, as we finished singing "uptown girl", baz came out on stage. he looked distressed and panicked. i bought my mic up to my mouth and i momentarily paused the show. the fans looked worried as if they had a slight idea of what was happening. since, it was very well known, not just in the westlife circle, about willow's cancer and her recent decline in health.

"...i...i am terribly sorry newcastle but it seems as though we need to momentarily pause the show. please, stick with us and we'll be back again as soon as possible, thanks guys! see you soon!" i announced as i looked between baz and kian - both of them looking like the sheer painting of distress and grief

when only, just a second ago, mark had made kian laugh. the first time the dad had laughed in what felt like forever. but then, in a split second, he was back to his grief-stricken face.

all four of us ran off stage to where baz was as he fights with himself as to how he should tell us. kian grabs ahold of my arm, which i don't mind. this could very well possibly be about willow. i also snake my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. then, baz dropped the gauntlet and told us when everything just came crashing down around us, not just kian, all of us.

"...guys, before i tell you this news, i want you all to take a deep breath and compose yourselves, okay?" baz begins as kian looks at me, without even needing to be told, he already knew what baz was going to say and my heart shattered at the look in kian's eyes

"what's wrong baz? are willow and g okay?" shane questioned, hoping they were okay as baz gave a slight shake of the head

"i...i'm sorry guys but, no, she isn't okay. g just called me in absolute hysterics. willow was half asleep half awake, g was with her, singing her to sleep and cuddling when, out of nowhere, willow's life support machine went awol. as did willow's body and then it stopped..." hearing that just completed my shattered heart but it obliterated kian's heart

he was hysterical and i had no idea what to do. kian's legs had almost collapsed from underneath him and i had no idea what to do. so, i just fell down with him, grabbing him just in time and turned his head into my shoulder, his body into mine. and he wept as i rubbed his back, his fingers digging into my back, not caring if it hurt - even though i knew it wasn't going to help him and nothing any of us did was going to bring willow back, it was the one thing i could do to help him control something.

the silence that filled the dressing room was piercing. it was so painfully quiet as i looked at baz to continue telling us what happened. although i knew kian didn't want to hear it, it was just so we had clarity. all i needed to know was if it hurt my niece or not.

"...was...was it painful? like, was she in any pain?" i stammered out as i could feel the tears welling in my eyes stream down my cheeks as i took in a shaky breath, holding kian tightly - baz giving me an emapthetic look

"not at all, nicky. georgina was told by dr phelps that it did not hurt at all and that she was in complete peace. she couldn't feel a single thing nicky. i'm going to announce to the fans that tonight's show will be cancelled but the rest of the five shows in newcastle will be done at a later, pushed back date," baz then announced as the four of us just stood in shock as we looked at each other and nodded our heads

"thank you baz. thanks so much. we'll grab our stuff and get to the car so we can get to the jet," i gulped as i knew this meant that the whole car ride and then plane back to ireland, kian would be inconsolable and so would jodi

and that, that made the rest of us feel horrible because we were all parents in this family, excluding mark, who was the fun uncle for our children.

*

the drive to the plane and then the plane ride was awful. straight up awful. no one could say anything, not even the songs of the radio in the car or jet could make us sing. it was as though they knew the bereavement that we had just gone through. as every single song was one sad song after another. kian couldn't stop crying, which, we didn't blame him for, whilst jodi held him close. whilst shane and gillian were told to keep an eye on me since i was the only one without my partner since she was already at the house back in ireland with dr phelps and willow. and mark and his partner were wondering how on earth we were going to tell our kids since they were all staying together with our parents.

finally arriving at the house in sligo, we were all dreading it. seeing all our cars there, telling us that whilst it seemed like it to others, we actually weren't there at all during willow's last moments. then, finally, for the first time since telling us, baz spoke up. letting us know that we had arrived and it was time for us to go inside the house.

"...come on lads, we're here," baz spoke softly, now this was something we were all scared of happening during the promotional interviews and rehearsals for the farewell tour - not during the tour itself - willow dying and us not being there for her

walking into the house felt strange. it felt eerie and like it was the most obvious thing that someone, a literal child, my niece and my best friend's daughter, willow, had just died. i grabbed a tight hold of kian whilst shane and gillian took care of jodi. my hand snaking around kian's waist as we walked into the house. georgina, my wife, is the first person we saw. it was so easy to tell that she had been crying the whole time, just like kian. she didn't say anything, we didn't need her to. i just included georgina into the hold i had with kian and i just held the both of them tightly as they both cried. i then went up to willow's room quickly to grab the letters before coming back down where everyone else had taken a seat on the couch.

"good that everyone is sat down but umm, i have something i need to give to you all..." i trailed off as i noticed how everyone watched me with such intensity

"...these. willow made me promise her that i would keep these letters a secret and that i would give them to you or even mention them until she died. we have the choice of reading them aloud to each other now or reading them privately whenever you feel ready to do so. there is one for each of us. including our children, kian and jodi and...and a letter for little koa that has been separated from their cousins. and along with the letter she added a photo of herself so we wouldn't forget her," i was so calm, except for the little falter when mentioning baby koa's letter and it was scary

but, honestly, i think it was nice for them all but kian and jodi especially, to have someone to be so calm. i then gulped, grabbing my own letter as well as kian's, ours being the two on the top.

"thanks, nico," kian muttered, jodi smiling gratefully as i smiled at the both of them with a small head nod

"of course kino," i smiled softly as i then walked out, with the idea to read my own letter privately because i knew i would cry and i didn't want to cry in front of everyone nor set kian and jodi off

i then walked into willow's room for one last goodbye alongside kian, jodi having just stepped out as i stepped in.

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready 

sliding our letters on the bedside table, kian and i were sitting with willow. she looked like she was fast asleep like she was about to wake up from that sleep. tightly holding his daughter's hand, kian refused to believe it, his eyes looking at his letter. he refused to believe that his only and eldest baby girl had actually died and done so peacefully. he wanted to believe that she was just going to wake up. holding her hand like he was and watching her like this took him back, all the way back to when he was meeting her for the very first time. and he would have her sleeping on his bare chest. yeah, sorry jodi, sleep time with willow was always going to be a daddy/daughter thing. except, that wasn't what was going to happen this time. this time, she was nine, staying at that age forever, and kian was in his early thirties, thereabouts and she wasn't going to wake up from a nap and have some quality time with her dad. this time, she was sleeping forever, peacefully. no more pain and suffering. no more crying in private, behind her family's back, even though we suspected it. no more being tired and scared if she was going to wake up the next time or not. this time, willow knew what the true meaning of peace meant. and she was only nine, not allowed to get another year older as the rest of her family would. not allowed to get to watch her baby brother grow up and potentially watch him become an older brother, her an older sister.

kian's pov

i wasn't ready for this. i was never going to be ready for this day to come. she looked like she was three again, having her afternoon nap. so she could get energised for some more playtime with her daddy, which was me. she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping. seeing her like this was a double-edged sword. on one side, made me happy because, like her gandpa kevin, she was no longer in any pain and she was now going to live life with her grandpa forever free and in peaceful, painless bliss. however, on the other side, it made me upset, taking me back to that day we had to do the same thing with my dad. and the fact that she was no longer allowed to have her tenth birthday, or even her eleventh birthday. not even her twelfth or thirteenth birthdays either. she wasn't even allowed to watch her baby brother koa grow up or have them become potential older siblings in the future. i just wanted my daughter to wake up and wipe away me and her mum's tears away and tell us that she was okay. that she was going to survive another day with me, with us, her family. for the first time that nicky and i had been in here, i spoke up.

"...she...she looks so peaceful nicky. like she's three again and i'm still going crazy at the fact that i have a daughter as my firstborn," i whimpered out as nicky sighed as he rubbed my back

"yeah, she really does kino," nicky smiled softly as i snifflled, wiping a tear from my cheek as i smiled as well

"i...i always told her that, if she needs to leave, she can do it whenever she was ready. i never wanted her to be in pain nicky. neither did jodi, but, i just wish her ready was our ready..." i choked out as nicky pulled me in for a hug as i cried again

"i know kino, i know," he whispered repeatedly as i continued to cry

"i...i miss my daughter," i sobbed out as i could feel nicky tighten as if he was keeping himself from crying in front of me

"have you read the letter yet, kino? maybe that could help?" nicky whispered as i staggered and grabbed the letter

"no, i...i can't. it hurts too much to even look over at it," i whispered, tears stinging my waterline and cheeks as nicky smiled small

"it's okay kino, i can't read mine either. i thought i could but, i really couldn't. maybe we'll read them as a group together in a few weeks, maybe that'll be easier," nicky whispered as i nodded my head, just resting it on his shoulder

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready 

now, kian left and it was just nicky and willow. it was the next day after being told willow had died. unlike kian, nicky couldn't find it within him to leave his niece alone for the night. dr phelps had requested at least a week or less from the coroner's before arriving to take willow's body away. nicky just couldn't bring himself to leace her in that room on her own. he felt like he was being begged without willow even saying anything for him to stay with her. and, he did. he talked to her and he cried and that was the circle of events that he did throughout the night until he fell asleep. his head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm.

nicky's pov

i just couldn't do it. i couldn't leave willow alone. i just couldn't. unlike kian and jodi since they had to continue taking care of koa, i wasn't able to. i felt as though willow, without even saying anything, was asking me to stay with her. so, i just started to talk to her. with that obviously came the crying as she actually couldn't respond. and that just made me upset that i wasn't getting any responses from my niece. which then made me feel weird for talking to my deceased niece. this then kept on going on a repeated cycle until i fell asleep. resting my head on her exposed and untouched arm.

"...it feels so weird without you, bug. it's like, i don't know. nothing seems fun anymore. our farewell tour will no longer be properly exciting anymore. sure, it's only been a day since you died but, i've never seen your dad so burnt out and exhausted. i'm scared willow, what are we going to do without you? what are we going to do without you after westlife ends?" i cried out, i was truly lost, what were we going to do?

after this next tour, the farewell tour, we were saying goodbye to everything we knew in westlife. we had fourteen great years and we had willow for nine of those fourteen. now she was gone. and it was like i was having to rebuild my life all over again after my dad died, a similar thing probably going through kian's mind too, since his dad also died in the same year as mine did.

"please, willow, don't do this to us. we always told you to leave whenever you were ready but, why didn't you understand we meant our ready, not your ready!" i sobbed out once again, crying into willow's clean white bedsheets

"fuck sake! it feels like our little westlife family has just stopped spinning but everyone else's continues to spin around us. what are we going to do? what will we do now?" i couldn't stop crying, it was quite embarrassing. however, i slowly found myself getting tired

"i love you so much willow. whilst hurting nucal hurt, and is something i'll never understand for the rest of my life, i'll never be able to understand this. the loss of my beautiful, sweet, forever young niece. god, willow, if you're up there with nucal and grandpa kev, please let them know that we love them and miss them," i sobbed out as i felt my eyes close and all of a sudden, i was knocked out asleep, my head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm

~

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender? I surrender, I surrender

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kianegan willow storm egan. she was me and my wife's first and only daughter. and we got the honour of having her as ours for nine years. and how i wish every single day i open my eyes that willow got to do the same thing and have more than just nine years. ever since the day jodi and i found out we were pregnant with little willow, we knew it was a risk to keep her and continue the pregnancy. but, we did anyway and boy are we glad we did. whilst this post only shows me, jodi and willow, it's only because all the other photos that willow has with her baby brother koa are from their last few days together. and because koa is so young and doesn't know what's just happened and the beveravement we've just had, i don't want to share those photos online, not now anyway. watching my eight-year-old get diagnosed with cancer and then get to see her celebrate her ninth birthday, help celebrate her mummy's birthday as well as her baby brother's birth as well as my own birthday will always be something we are so grateful for as a family. even though she didn't get to see her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that whilst the rest of us get to turn another year older and koa growing up. watching little willow go through her cancer and then the short amount of treatment we had her on for, we always told her that whenever she was ready to go, she could go. but, no one who loses anyone to cancer or any terminal illness admits that when they say that statement, they don't mean when their family member is ready to go. they mean when everybody else is ready. and that wasn't any different for me and my family with willow, nor was it with my own dad, my kids grandfather. we didn't want her to leave when she was ready because we knew it would be way before the rest of us were ready. but, now writing this and posting it halfway through westlife's farewell tour, i am so proud of my daughter for letting go when she was ready to. and not feeling like she had to wait for everyone else around her to be ready for her to leave. she knew she wasn't going to be painless unless she let herself go and she has done just that. like i mention literally everywhere and anywhere i can, being your daddy, willow storm, was the best thing in the world for me. and i have no doubts that your mummy would say the very same thing. we all love you to the moon, the stars and the milky way, chickadee. daddy will talk to you soon, sleep tight princess 🤍

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jodialbert our beautiful little girl. your beautiful mini-me 🤍

kianegan jodialbert i know babe. she really was a mini-me🤍

nickybyrneinsta breaking my heart here, kino! we miss you every day willow 🤍

kianegan nickybyrneinsta sorry nico but i can't deal with the feeling of people forgetting her. and i miss her too 🤍

shanefilanofficial my god, kian, when will my tears stop? i miss your cuddles, willow 🤍

kianegan shanefilanofficial good question i have no idea and she gave the best cuddles didn't she? 

markusmoments all of these photos and more and i still wish she was here so we could take more 🤍

kianegan markusmoments i know. i think about that every day and my heart shatters

georginaahernbyrne our sweet willow storm. miss you, baby girl 🤍

kianegan georginaahernbyrne 🤍🤍

caileano awe kian, this is beautiful. miss you willow 🤍

kianegan caileano thank you cailean 🤍

gillianfilansligo oh stop it kian! my heart is broken in two 🤍

kianegan gillianfilansligo i don't want people to forget my daughter gillian 🤍

rokeating i cannot even imagine how these last two months have been for you guys. willow was such a sweet little girl. i remember how much she loved and doted on baby koa 🤍

kianegan rokeating i can't either and then i remember. and she really was, she was such a sweet soul with way too much love to carry in her tiny body, especially for her brother koa🤍

fin

jesus holy lord i forgot just how upsetting this fic was and why on earth did i write this??? but i do promise that the alternate part two of this is much happier!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

the butterfly effect🫶

pairing : kian egan x fem!reader

summary : the story of how astoria and kian egan met each other and then ended up falling in love and marrying each other.

warnings : none

a/n : i have already written this before and decided to rewrite it with it set in the late '90s and early 2000s since that is when westlife were really popular and getting married and engaged and stuff. flashbacks are in italics and the lyrics are in bold italics. just as an fyi, i am having astoria be the songwriter and performer of sophie holohan's original song, butterfly effect (demo) because it just makes more sense even though this song is a relatively new one irl. and even tho insta wasn't a thing until like 2010 when it first launched, i'm still going to include insta posts of the wedding and things.  

the wing of a butterfly brushed my cheek, stopped me from starting to cross the street.

astoria was on her morning walk through her hometown of sligo, ireland. when on her way home, the wing of a monarch butterfly brushed against her cheek. completely stopping her from the beginning of her crossing the street in front of her. she had just been getting coffee after an hour or two flight back from london before she needed to rush off into her dublin recording studio for her band, venus' new album. but, the butterfly brushing her cheek completely distracted her.

so you bumped right into me, actualisation of a theory maybe, baby, then you said sorry, i said the same. 

startled by the butterfly, astoria and a cute boy just bumped right on into one another. stepping back in shock and hoping that the person she bumped into wouldn't be mad. she apologised. yet, it turned out, the boy was thinking the exact same thing, and seemed to also be very apologetic for the incident.

"sorry!" they both said at the same time as the actualisation of what just happened hit the both of them

"i should have watched where i was going i..."

spilled my coffee, "oh, what a shame", said you'd buy one in exchange for my number and name. 

"...oh, what a shame. but i am again, so sorry for spilling my coffee on you!" astoria was flustered as she tried to fix her clumsy and fatigued mistake as the boy ended it all - and not in that way!

"don't worry about it, i'll buy yee a new one, in exchange for yee number and name..." the boy was very clearly slick as astoria chuckled, nodding her head

"...oh, thank you so much and, of course, you can!" astoria smiled as she and the boy started to walk back in the direction of the coffee shop that she had just left before the two of them collided with one another

writing down her name and number on a napkin that she managed to still have in her hand from the other coffee, she handed it over to the boy who smiled brightly. his gorgeous blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight that shone down on them.  

looking down at the name and number on the napkin, the boy smiled, "hello astoria, that's a lovely name for a very gorgeous girl. i'm kian, and honestly, don't worry about the coffee stain, i wore a black shirt for a reason, clearly!" kian giggled as astoria gulped, her eyes wide as she nodded her head, not sure whether she had already fallen in love with the boy in front of her or if she was still horrified that she bumped into him all because of a butterfly

"hmm, yeah, clearly!" astoria hummed out as she gulped, trying to keep her composure as the two made it back to the coffee shop

after telling kian her order (in which he would always remember in the future), he ordered it for her whilst astoria sat herself down. in a far-off little booth after recognising that just like her, he got reactions from people around him. clearly meaning that like her, he had some sort of fame and recognition to his name, she knew that he'd want some privacy and turns out that she would also need it too.

the duo then got to talking after recognising each other's names and found out a lot about one another. like they both were from the same part of ireland, sligo, which is where they were currently. they both came from rather large families (kian being the fifth of seven kids and astoria the sixth of seven kids) and they were both rising pop stars with their manager both being louis walsh.

the moment astoria finished her coffee, she was sort of sad that she'd have to be parting ways with her new friend, kian. having to catch another flight but, this time to dublin. it seemed as if kian thought the same thing before quickly coming up with a compromise to make the farewell a lot happier.

"...how about on friday at 6pm, i take you out on a date, on me, to make up for us having to leave in the next couple of minutes, you to dublin and me back to london with my band?" kian smiles as astoria's face lights up in excitement as she nods her head

"you've got my number, egan, you know what to do," astoria, in a moment of confidence, winked and gave the bleached blondie a kiss on the cheek, completely rendering him speechless as he was then left nodding his head

"uh-huh..." he mutters out as the two part ways, both of them smiling like high school lods as they both almost happily skip to their cars before they both went about the rest of their highly busy recording days slightly happier however than how they started them.

one date turned to two, then four, then ten. "hello" turned to "never leave my mind again".

since kian asked astoria on that first date, it quickly turned to a second, then a fourth and then tenth. shortly after the tenth but in between the sixth and the seventh, was when kian fully knew that he was falling head over heels in love with astoria. and astoria was falling head over heels in love with kian. on the tenth date however was when kian finally popped the question and that was when astoria really felt like maybe, the butterfly incident wasn't something that she wished hadn't happened. especially when this is what she got in return. maybe it wasn't a mistake, maybe it truly was fate making the two of them meet one another.

"...this was a lot of fun, kian. i really did enjoy it but, my one question is...how...how do you continue coming up with all these amazing date nights?" astoria smiled brightly as she and kian walked alongside each other, hands clasped together, which they had upgraded to very quickly, on their second date

kian smiled, his eyes looking at the ground as he blushed, "i...i just, i guess i just know what you like?" he said it as though it was a question which made astoria laugh which made kian giggle

"well, you clearly do as all these dates have included all of my favourite things that i did as a kid or young teenager back in sligo, either, you're a stalker, which i doubt or you just really have a spiritual connection with me and we're like, soulmates, that were destined to meet by fate," astoria smiled contently as kian smiled too as he stopped the both of them in the middle of the road

it had started to rain, which made the both of them laugh at how cliche this was beginning to look.

"i know this may seem cliche now that it's raining but, i...i really do like you astoria and, i don't like like you, i love you. it...it's as though we really are soulmates that were destined by fate to meet and, i'm glad we did on that day. the day you split your coffee all over me because you got distracted by a butterfly's wing brushing your cheek *giggles*. i've honestly never felt the way i feel around you, like any other girl i may have just been named alongside i didn't feel like this. you...you make me feel safe and happy all the time. we're both singers in bands yet, you don't use that to blackmail or use it against me when last-minute, we're not able to meet up because you know exactly what last-minute meetings like that are like. you don't get mad at me just because i was seen, god-forbid, with another person in a magazine, originally published at the very beginning of westlife's career but republished just to get clicks and create drama. you don't care about the way i act or that i take my job very seriously. you don't care because you know me and have gotten to know me as just kian. not kian from westlife. i bloody love you astoria and i really would love it if you could never leave my mind again and be my girlfriend?" kian smiled shyly as astoria smiled brightly as she nodded her head and giggled

sighing loudly, kian smiled happily as he picked up his new girlfriend making her squeal, "oh am i so glad you said yes!" he breathed out as he spun the both of them around as they chuckled

"babe, this is cute and all but, now we're soaking wet from the sligo rain and, we're still three blocks away from your car..." astoria trailed off, hating that she ruined the moment as kian giggled, shaking himself off like he was a dog, making astoria squeal

"...and?" he jokingly retorted back as if it wasn't a problem which made the both of them giggle hysterically as they didn't bother to get out of the rain

sometimes i sit in bed and think if that butterfly never made me spill that drink would you have found your way to me?

astoria and kian had just come back to their hotel room after their wedding cermony and were still celebrating but not in the way some people may have been thinking they were. kian was pretty much fully asleep, his arm softly draped around his wife's chest as she was fully sat up, leaning against the headrest as she was heavily thinking.

clearly bothered that he wasn't cuddling his wife and sleeping with her, kian woke up and grumbled, "what are you thinking about love?" astoria chuckled at her husband's grumble as she smiled brightly

"us..." she trailed off as kian sat up as well, now fully awake as he shook his head in confusion at the fact that no context was given

"...context please babe, what do you mean you're thinking about us?" kian spoke slowly as astoria giggled, caressing her husband's cheek

"the fact that if it wasn't for that butterfly that made me spill my coffee, would you still have met me? would we be laying here, together, right now, married as mr and mrs egan?" astoria explained as that really made kian think, would they be married right now if it weren't for that butterfly?

"well, that...that's actually a good question..." kian trailed off as he yawned and astoria giggled as she leaned on her husband, her eyes drooping as she also began to feel tired

the egans, after really thinking about how they met, found themselves falling asleep with within moments. as they slept and dreamt of their first meeting all over again as if it was just that, a dream.

was it fate or the work of the theory clearly? you and i were meant to be so, the universe helped bring you to me and i'm thankful every night for that pretty butterfly! 

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astoriaegan was it fate or the work of the theory, clearly? you and i were meant to be so the universe helped bring you to me and i'm thankful every night for that pretty butterfly.

~

all the time, kian and i are asked how we met and we always smile and laugh. because, truthfully, the way we met was absolutely something you'd either read in a book or watch in a movie. so, the reason why we don't say it is because we geniunely think that people outside our families and westlife family won't believe us. but, here we are, here i am, finally explaining to you all how kian and i met. so, one day, in the year 1999, the day kian and i ended up meeting, i was walking back from buying myself a coffee in sligo. because, i had just come back home from flying to london for a recording session with one of my venus girls to then have to fly to dublin to record with the other two. but, i was distracted by a beautiful monarch butterfly that brushed its wing against my cheek. which, in turn, caused me to forget to cross the street and i bumped into kian. spilling my coffee, boiling hot coffee, all over him. and, i know what you're thinking, and i honestly always think the same thing too. but, i'm glad it happened because i am in absolute love with my husband and we were truly destined to meet and marry because we are literally soulmates. and yes, the point of this post was because i wrote a song about kian and i meeting called "butterfly effect (demo)". and whether it'll be recorded to be sung for me and the girls, i don't know yet but, i am releasing the demo edition everywhere this weekend. which, is something i am so excited about so, if you want to hear the song about the story of kian and i meeting, you'll be very soon and both kian and i are very excited for you all to hear it!

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kianegan i love you tori! i really do and i am so fucking excited for this new song demo to come out oh my god! 

shanefilanofficial this is adorable and i cannot wait for the song to be released! you best believe i'll be the first to listen to it! 

markusmoments i'm in love already and i haven't heard the song yet! 

rokeating okay, this excites me for reasons unexplainable 

username mum and dad?? 

gillianfilansligo mr and mrs egan are gorgeous! 

the day i met you, felt myself mend. "hello" turned to "never leave my mind again". now you sleep by my side and kiss my neck. and i thank the world for the butterfly effect" 

liked by astoriaegan, nickybyrneinsta, georginaahernbyrne, gillianfilansligo and 8k others

kianegan the day i met you, felt myself mend. "hello" turned to "never leave my mind again". now you sleep by my side and kiss my neck. and i thank the world for the butterfly effect ❤️

~

happy release day to my wife astoria's new gorgeous demo song "butterfly effect (demo)" watching her go from just talking about the premise of her writing a song about our love story and how we first met to then producing it, recording it and now releasing it has been an experience i'd love to do all over again. it was truthfully so special and i am so glad i was able to be a part of every single part of it. i love you so much astoria and i am so so fucking proud of you ❤️. everyone please, go listen to "butterfly effect (demo)" and request for it to be played on the radio!!!

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astoriaegan fuck i love you, husband! 

nickybyrneinsta now this is too cute! the song is fucking amazing, astoria! g and i send our congratulations! 

georginaahernbyrne husband of the year! the song is a hit, i'm sorry but astoria is a fantastic songwriter, why doesn't she write for venus? 

kianegan georginaahernbyrne she has recently been writing for the band but, i can't reveal anything else 

gillianfilansligo just finished listening to butterfly effect and i am in love with it! 

carlenevenus honestly this is the best song i've ever heard! excited for everyone to hear the songs that you've written for the band! 

fan12 so proud of astoria and i bet you are just as much, kian! 

piperstewartvenus this. song. is. amazing! 

for the butterfly effect 

fin

i still love this fic after all this time and i am so glad i love it!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

you look(ed) happier💔🫶

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of ed sheeran's "happier" we find out the love story/breakup/re-get-together of nicky byrne and valencia callahan 

warnings : kinda sad, mentions/actions of domestic relationship abuse, but it does get better, single x nicky, georgina ahern byrne is mentioned but she is not with nicky in this fic

a/n : i have done this one-shot a couple of times before but i was listening to the song again and i wanted to do it again. i contemplated doing it for all four boys but i decided to do it as a young 90s/00s nicky byrne so like before social media existed but still, with my version of what a 90s/00s instagram post would look like at the end if that makes sense. 

walking down 29th and park, i saw you in another's arms. 

nicky byrne couldn't help but feel his heart slightly sinking low into his chest as he noticed his now ex-girlfriend from back home in ireland, valencia callahan, in america in another man's arms as nicky went outside for some fresh air just before he and his bandmates of westlife were about to perform a showcase in new york. the worst part of this whole thing for nicky, now that his ex had left him, was that she seemed to be following westlife's career into their venture to cracking america but not just that, she was doing it with her apparent new boyfriend. this meant that it wasn't just valencia coming to watch the showcase, her new boyfriend was also going to be there and was going to have to be introduced to nicky since he and valencia were still close friends, not having the heart or the hate in them to drop contact with each other. nicky never hated valencia after the two of them broke up, no way, he couldn't ever hate his childhood best friend, he was honestly grateful that valencia had still travelled all this way to support westlife even though she was no longer with nicky except, the thing that threw him off was the fact he had never imagined or prepared himself to see her do that with another guy. 

only a month we've been apart, you look happier. 

the thing though, that hurt nicky over anything else was that this new boyfriend made valencia look so much happier, happier than she ever seemed to be when she was with nicky. shane, one of nicky's bandmates and closest friend had suddenly noticed why nicky was looking off into the distance, the sligonian trying to get the dubliner man to go inside the hotel - the dubliner whacking shane's hand away, nicky couldn't help but notice something else that he so desperately missed about valencia - her laugh. 

once again, nicky's heart almost closed in on his chest as he watched and heard her laugh. he didn't know what to do, i mean, who would know what to do in this situation? shane certainly didn't know, he felt inexplicably guilty and devastated for his best friend, shane was still dating his high school sweetheart, gillian walsh whereas, nicky had his heart broken because unfortunately, valencia and nicky broke up for reasons that, at the time, seemed appropriate and it seemed like the both of them were on the same page at the time. and, all of a sudden, shane watched as his best friend was devastated over the thought of seeing his ex and his best friend cosying up to another man only after what seemed to be a month after nicky and she had broken up.

saw you walk inside a bar, he said something to make you laugh.  

there was still an hour before westlife's showcase in the new york hotel they were performing in so, nicky watched as valencia and her new beau strolled into a bar but, not before the guy made a truly horrendous joke, nicky knew that if he had said it, valencia would have given him a disappointed face as though she was the embarrassed kid of nicky, but because it was this new man that had said it, it had made valencia laugh out loud. so loud that nicky and shane heard it from across the street and so did everyone else that was walking past them and everyone else on nicky and shane's side of the road. both of them, nicky and shane, saw how happy valencia was and it truly devastated both of them, their shoulders sinking to their regular positions as nicky tried to look away. 

"...val, i have a joke for you..." the still unidentified new beau of valencia's asked, valencia smiled, nodding her head as the man continued 

"...what would you get if a dinosaur kicked you in the rear end?" he asked, his voice already cracking with laughter and he hadn't even finished the joke - nicky almost puking because he hated how close the guy was to valencia 

"i dunno, what do you get?" valencia sort of laughed, not like an excited or happy laugh but, the laugh nicky would usually hear when he'd try to tell her a joke so, for a second, nicky did have hope that she wouldn't laugh at the guys joke but, that was until he said the punchline of the joke 

"you get a megasoreass!" and just as nicky and shane didn't laugh at the joke, they hoped and prayed valencia wouldn't laugh but, she did, she laughed at the utterly horrendous joke that her date had made 

and she laughed wholeheartedly, with her whole body, her head flying backward as her hand rested on the man's chest and her head then moved to lean on it so she could control herself. 

"oh, that was a kicker! that was actually really funny!" valencia's voice went high-pitched as her voice broke from her laughing fit, wiping away a tear from her eye as the two then walked into the bar

and it was at that moment that nicky knew he really couldn't stand watching those two anymore, even though he still absolutely adored valencia, he knew it wouldn't do him any good if he continued to focus on her when it was clear she had moved on completely whilst he still was hung up on her. 

i saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours yeah, you look happier, you do. 

it wasn't rocket science for anyone to see that nicky knew that valencia's smile was twice as wide as the ones she smiled when she was with nicky and it made him feel sick to his stomach. it hurt the dubliner terribly to know that possibly, this new boyfriend of valencia's was everything that nicky wasn't and that he couldn't make her happier as this new man did in comparison. nicky's heart felt like it was being crushed and this pain wasn't just a metaphorical pain, oh no, it was such a physical pain that nicky's face started to scrunch up in pain as he would wince occasionally. 

thankfully, it didn't take shane that long to convince nicky that they needed to return back to the stage and away from the doors so that nicky wasn't putting himself through more pain, especially due to the fun that they would be having during their show that was still to occur in the next hour. however, nicky couldn't help but wait until valencia and this new boyfriend had gone further away into the bar before he moved so that he could have one last look at her before the slight possibility of him catching eyes with her tonight during the showcase. 

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody love you like i do. 

despite the slight privacy that nicky and valencia both had about their lives, not really the type to overshare whilst being in the public eye of the westlife fans and the west end fans since valencia was an actress in the west end, it had become pop star gossip basically the moment that the slight possibility that nicky and valencia had broken up being true was announced. and then, their breakup was announced and like the rumours, it was on the front page of nearly every single teen magazine that nicky and valencia had broken up and that it was "messy" and that there was apparently a cheating scandal involved or something completely dramatic. however, that was the furthest from the actual reality of what actually went down and the reason why the two popular young adult stars broke up. they decided, nicky and valencia, because it had gotten so bad that they were going to put out a statement explaining the full truth as to why they were breaking up and decided that what was best was a video interview since, of course, having an interview with a magazine can mean being misinterpreted or misworded to make one person sound better or worse than the other. so, with louis walsh, westlife's manager and valencia's west-end talent manager, nicky and valencia sat down together for a break-up video interview to clear the air about why they decided to break up. 

they hated that everything else that was being spread across the newspapers and magazines was false and decided that it was best for the words to come from the two of them themselves. because, in actuality, the breakup was mutual between the two and it was made clear from the very beginning that if they were going to find someone new, it was okay and that the two of them would and are always the best of friends, no matter what. they both meant the world to each other and there was no way they could remove the other from their life. to them, what they said in their own words was that they were each other's right person but it was the wrong time and, it broke nicky and valencia's hearts to break up with each other despite how mutual it was because of how much they loved and still love each other. the only reason why valencia and nicky broke up was that it seemed like it was the case of they were the right person for each other but, it wasn't the right time and that was why it was so painful for the both of them. 

"...hey, nico, you know that it wasn't either you or valencia's fault as to the reason why you two broke up?" shane spoke softly as he watched, keeping an eye on his still heartbroken friend sulk over watching his ex who was still his best friend, who he still loved dearly, look way happier with the new guy than she ever did with him 

"i...i know shay, it just, hurts seeing her look so much happier with someone else..." nicky sniffled solemnly, resting his hands on his chin as shane rubbed his best friend's back 

"...it does hurt, nico, i know that but, don't forget that, sure val has a new man but, she still loves you so much and only wants the best for you. and i think that's why she's flown all the way over here, to new york from dublin, to support her best friends as they...we...try to crack america's pop market. of course, though, it is really sucky for me, kian, mark and bryan to see she's moved on with someone else but, we all have to just look past that and be glad that she's still here. trust me, from someone who's with the girl who i've loved since i was twelve, it'll get better and, who knows, maybe one day, she'll realise that this happy with this guy isn't the happy she wants and, she'll find her way back to you..." shane smiled softly, trying to convince nicky who just nods his head in response although, it was still quite difficult to believe his best friend 

promise that i will not take it personal, baby if you're moving on with someone new. 

nicky promised, basically pinky promised, the day that he and valencia broke up, that he wouldn't take it personally and be that arsehole ex-boyfriend if valencia was to find someone new and move on. he knew that valencia was bound to move on quickly anyway so, he made a promise not to take it personally (as did she) and that just because she's moved on quickly, it doesn't mean that she wasn't grateful or faking any of her feelings towards nicky or acting as though it was nothing. because, honestly, valencia was on cloud nine throughout her whole relationship with nicky, it was just honest to god the timing for the both of them always seemed to get in the way of their schedules as a member of westlife and a west-end actress, not their chemistry. 

"...if there is anything you two would like to say to the other, what is the one thing you'd tell them? valencia, i'll ask you first..." a smash hits reporter asked as valencia smiled softly and nodded her head, holding nicky's hand tight 

"...nicky, do you promise me something?" valencia spoke up small, feeling lowkey embarrassed that she would be repeating the very same thing she had told nicky in private when they originally broke up as nicky lifted his head up from the floor and he nodded his head 

the two twenty-somethings had already broken up with each other privately but, now, they were asked to basically do it all over again in a video interview and it was now getting emotional and both of them were crying whilst being filmed for an interview and it just felt really awkward. the reason why they broke up wasn't that they weren't in love with each other anymore or because they were never best friends, that's absolutely wrong, they were breaking up because they were young and they were celebrities who were right for each other but started their relationship at the wrong time. that's all it was, they still love each other but, that was the reason why nicky and valencia had broken up, if breaking up now was the thing that could save their special thing and then find it later on then that's what they were going to do because they didn't want to ruin it by continuing to pursue their relationship during this time. 

"always, val, what is it?" nicky sniffled softly as valencia's hand ghosts over nicky's as the smash hits reporter felt sick to her stomach, she hated that she had been picked to do this but, she couldn't run now, she had to stay and continue this video interview 

"promise me that if i do move on with someone new, you won't take it personally and hate me for it?" valencia only gulped as she kept her eyes looking at nicky, ignoring the camera and the smash hits reporter as nicky nodded his head

"yes, i promise. i love you too much to hate you," nicky choked out in a whisper, more tears building in his eyes as he breathed in, asking valencia a question 

"can you promise me something?" nicky whispered back, clearing his throat as valencia nodded her head, her hand touching nicky's as they kept eye contact with each other 

"of course, always, what is it?" valencia questioned softly, only wishing she and nicky didn't have to do this video interview and the magazines and newspapers didn't try to twist their words and the truth just for clicks and reads 

"am...well, are we still best friends? even if you may date someone else after me?" it was this question that broke nicky's heart to say as finally, a tear rolls down his cheek as he closes his eyes, valencia breathing deeply so she wouldn't cry her tears as she wipes nicky's tear away, the smash hits reporter almost crying herself for the two 

smiling softly with a head nod, valencia responded, "of course, we're still gonna be best friends, nico! i've known you my whole life, i could never throw away our entire relationship and friendship just because we dated the right people but at the wrong time. i couldn't ever remove you from my life, you're way too special to me, i can't do that and i will never do that..." valencia paused as she wiped away more of nicky's silent tears as he nodded his head, understanding valencia which made her feel better 

"...even if i do end up dating someone else and if you end up dating someone else, i am always a phone call away or a short drive away if you ever need anything and, i know if i was in a similar situation, you'd be there waiting for me too," valencia smiled and nicky nodded his head as his lip trembled, another single tear slipping down his cheek as he giggled in embarrassment, wiping it away himself 

thankfully, the smash hits reporter only had a few last questions to ask and then, the interview was to be published and hopefully, after that, only the truth about nicky and valencia's relationship and their breakup was going to be talked about. 

'cause baby you look happier, you do, my friends told me one day, i'll feel it too. 

it still seemed impossible for nicky to get it out of his head that valencia seemed to look happier with her new boyfriend after the break-up and honestly, whilst he was proud of her, it still hurt and was a hard thing to just shake off. it honestly did sort of scare nicky that he thought that he was maybe getting replaced and that maybe, he was actually losing his best friend when it was considered that he still didn't know what this new boyfriend was like in relation to knowing about boy-best friends for his girlfriends. 

"oi, nico, we need to get ready, hair and makeup are asking for us so, when we see valencia stay calm, okay?" shane announces to nicky, patting his shoulder as the dubliner nods his head 

"yes, shane, i understand, i'm not a five-year-old!" nicky, with a sassy attitude, rolls his eyes as he chuckles, making shane smile at the attitude and eye-roll 

"i know, nicky, forgive me but, i just don't want you getting hurt, that's all!" shane suddenly went serious as nicky smiled and pulled his best friend in for a hug 

"thanks, shay, i do appreciate it," nicky smiled into his best friend's shoulder and shane smiled too, exhaling slightly as he pats his best friend on the back 

"no worries, buddy. i know how much you and valencia loved and still love each other. it is hard when a couple like you two, that are the right couple, break up due to it being the wrong time," shane smiles softly, the two men pulling out of the hug as they started to hear the commotion of the audience from their dressing rooms 

and until then i'll smile to hide the truth, but i know i was happier with you. 

all that was left for nicky to do in regards to getting ready for the showcase was his jacket, however, it seemed as if from the knock at the door, that wasn't going to be happening just yet. with a small sound of acknowledgement that nicky was fully dressed, the door opened to reveal bryan with a sly smile on his face. confusing nicky, he smiled confusedly at them before hearing what two of his bandmates had to tell him.

"nico, just to let you know, a special someone has decided to come backstage and she's got someone with her..." bryan smiled in the excitement that his two best friends were going to reunite but, was not so happy that another man was going to be in that equation 

"...valencia has come backstage?" nicky questions, his voice suddenly small and timid, exactly opposite to the usual loud, boisterous and confident voice that he always had as bryan smiled empathetically, nodding his head - only knowing what shane had told him from earlier on 

"yes, she has and she's honestly so excited to see you so, can i?" bryan questioned, his head slightly tilted at the door, asking his bandmate for permission and nicky smiled as his fingers found their way to his pockets 

bryan nearly jumped in excitement as he rushed over to open nicky's dressing room door to let valencia and her new boyfriend in to visit nicky before rushing out himself after one last hug to his old friend. the former boyfriend and girlfriend are now just staring at each other in awe. it had felt like nearly years ago that valencia had seen the dressing room for westlife's american showcase when really it was maybe a couple of months, not even? pretty much as soon as they broke up, valencia's west-end contract started which meant that she had to part ways with nicky not just in their relationship but also because she was needed back at her show, that was until she remembered she had vacation days. and, it was during this west-end show that valencia and her new boyfriend had met, he had come on as a swing replacement for the leading role in the show and honestly, it still felt strange to her that when she introduced her boyfriend to people, she wasn't saying nicky or nicholas. 

"nicky!" valencia finally opened her mouth, nicky's name falling off her tongue effortlessly as if she never stopped saying it, nicky's face lighting up at seeing his best friend, her new boyfriend giving the best friends a strange look that nicky managed to catch from the corner of his eye 

"hey, val! how are you, i've missed you so much!" nicky spoke excitedly, the excitement of valencia finally visiting again starting to soak into the pop star as he pulls his best friend in for a hug 

placing her softly back to the ground, valencia responded, "i'm fantastic thanks nicky, how have you been? it's been like, what, a month since we last saw each other and since i left for my west-end gig?" the girl asked with a slight laugh in her breath as nicky nodded his head, a small giggle leaving his mouth as well 

"yeah...wow, it has been a month, that's crazy," nicky spoke with a small whisper as he noticed the way valencia tried to grab her boyfriend but wasn't able to as he had suddenly and quietly left nicky's dressing room without a word of acknowledgement of where it was he had left off to 

"...oh and, by...by the way, that was my boyfriend, matteo..." valencia tried to smile but, it was obvious that nicky could see through it but decided against the questions for now 

"...well, that's nice, val. how...how long have you two been together for, if you don't mind me asking?" nicky spoke softly, with hesitation as valencia tilted her head in confusion - was it three weeks or four weeks as it surely hadn't been a month 

"uhh...i...i think three weeks? so, not that long..." valencia shyly smiles as nicky nodded his head, he felt slightly calm knowing that she hadn't moved on straight away otherwise that really would have broken nicky and wrecked him tenfold more 

"oh, okay, that's nice, val. he treats you well i'm assuming?" nicky questioned as the two of them moved from the door to the couch that resided in the dressing room where the two of them used to have sex, sleep on together upon other things when valencia suddenly became nervous 

"uh...well, yeah i guess he does. i mean, he makes me laugh a lot, i guess..." valencia stammered, her voice shaky and sounding unsure which confused nicky as earlier, nothing looked as though it was wrong or out of sorts 

"...you guess? val...is matteo hurt--" 

"--hey sweetcheeks, who's-oh, you're nic-nathan? val's friend, right? hello, i'm matteo, her boyfriend," matteo suddenly introduced himself out of nowhere, cutting off nicky and calling him by the wrong name 

although it annoyed him, nicky still smiled curtly with a head nod, noticing basically straight away how uncomfortable valencia was getting but tried to hide it, "hey matteo, yeah, i'm nicky, valencia's best friend. so anyway, are you excited about the showcase tonight considering you guys flew all the way over here from ireland?" nicky questioned, also getting an uncomfortable feeling from matteo as valencia enthusiastically nodded her head whilst matteo just hits her with a dirty look and rolled his eyes at the correction of nicky's name 

"very excited, nico, you guys always put on amazing performances and, i just couldn't resist flying back over to watch you guys crack america, especially since you're back in new york," valencia gushed as she smiled, making nicky smile as he bit his lip at his best friend's excitement to return to a westlife show after breaking up with one of their members only a month ago - showing that there was genuinely no bad blood between the band and the exes 

"aw, thanks valencia, i knew you'd say that, but matteo, are you looking forward to it?" nicky smiles at valencia as he then pointed the same question to matteo who just gave a half-hearted nod 

"i mean, this was the concert that valencia couldn't stop talking about and it makes her happy seeing westlife so, might as well enjoy it for myself as well, right?" matteo lazily shrugs as valencia and nicky awkwardly laugh as he then leaves again, valencia and nicky both letting out breaths they hadn't even realised they'd been holding onto 

this made valencia feel embarrassed, matteo had promised her he wouldn't act like this at all, "i...i am so sorry about matteo, nico, he promised me he wouldn't act like this at all. he actually said to me that he was super excited to see you guys live so, i don't know what's gotten into him, i'm sorry..." valencia trailed off in a dejected voice, rubbing her arms together, a signal that nicky knew all too well that meant valencia was anxious

"...don't worry, valencia, it's totally okay. how about we go to mark's dressing room? i'm sure the other three are in there with him and they'll be so excited to see you again. besides, i think matteo's got himself preoccupied with the tour he's just decided to give to himself and another girl..." nicky spoke as they turned to see matteo talking to a girl that had seemingly found her way out of the actual arena and into the backstage area and valencia nods her head in agreement 

grabbing her hand, nicky and valencia ran over to mark's dressing room where they had found mark, kian, shane and bryan all just relaxing in the sligonian's dressing room before it was time for the concert. nicky and valencia had reached the dressing room and everyone's eyes lit up in excitement as they had come to realise valencia's presence. 

"val!" they all screamed at the same time, the girl laughing as they had a group hug, forcing nicky into the hug as well as he reluctantly joined in with a small chuckle at his best friends and bandmates 

"hey, lads! it's so nice to see you all again! i've missed you so much!" valencia said in excitement even though it had only been a month, the month felt longer as she then couldn't help but think that, maybe, nicky's energy about matteo has some truth to it

"we've missed you too, val! anyway, where's your new boyfriend?" shane questions, pulling out of the group hug as valencia shrugged her shoulders when out of nowhere, matteo popped out from behind valencia 

and, obviously, it scared her instead of making her happy and the westlife lads notice and it worries them. matteo, once again, ignores their reactions and introduces himself to the guys. all of the boys shared a displeased look after matteo seemed to just insert himself into the group after scaring his girlfriend. 

"hi guys, i'm matteo, valencia's boyfriend, nice to meet you all," it was clear the smile was fake and he hated this, but at the same token, he was smiling because of the way he was forcefully holding valencia down, fear starting to build in her eyes 

"hi, matteo," they all responded, slightly shocking matteo, whose expression doesn't change as everyone then comes forward to shake his hand, though none of them even wanted to associate themselves with the guy 

since gillian, shane's girlfriend and kerry, bryan's girlfriend weren't in the room, the only people that needed to introduce themselves were the other four westlife lads since matteo and nicky had already met prior. 

"i'm kian," 

"i'm mark," 

"i'm shane," 

"and i'm bryan," they all introduced themselves and matteo just shook his head, pushing valencia forward out of nowhere as he once again departed the room, on his way to find the girl he was speaking to earlier during their little tour 

and, matteo didn't even stop to give his girlfriend a single kiss or not even i love you val and that really made nicky and the other four guys raise their eyebrows. 

and it obviously rattled valencia but, she tried to hide it, "umm, anyway...how have you guys all been since it has been a month since i last saw you all?" valencia spoke up with a meek smile, trying to defuse the awkward tension 

"we've been great thanks, val. kerry and gillian have joined us for our new york showcase so, it's not just been the five of us which has been fun. but, the girls have missed you dearly, and truthfully, so have we so, it's nice to see you again, val but what about you? how have you been?"  kian spoke up as valencia laughed, her eyes lighting up hearing that gillian and kerry had travelled with them when she started to play with a strand of hair that nicky then placed behind her ear, making her nervous again as the former couple smiled at each other 

"that's so great to hear, kino! i'll make sure to look for them in the crowd. and, i've uh, i've been good thanks, i...uh met matteo around four weeks ago in person but we'd been talking for a week before we met but we started dating three weeks ago so, umm, yeah, still quite new and it's been interesting as matteo is quite the guy but umm, it's fun," valencia really wasn't making her new boyfriend sound amazing just like she could do so easily with nicky, especially considering the relationship was so new but it was maybe for that reason as well that valencia was kind of selling her new boyfriend so short 

"okay, okay, not that long but, have you guys said the l word to each other yet?" shane then asked as valencia awkwardly laughed again, her eyeline focused on her shoes for a second - nicky recognising that maybe something wasn't right but, like before, didn't push it further  

"well, i...i have said it but, matteo, i think is just waiting for the right moment, ya know? maybe he just isn't ready yet as he did have a bad breakup before meeting me so, yeah..." valencia nodded her head with a smile, hoping to convince herself that she had nothing to worry about as the boys also nodded their heads, with some scepticism about matteo

valencia and the boys continued to catch up with one another for a little bit longer before it was signalled that it was five minutes before the concert was meant to start, meaning that valencia had to find matteo to take the two of them to their seats. 

"...it was so lovely catching up with you before the show val, but, we do have to go as we're about to get our five but, chat after the show, yeah? remember where we always meet?" nicky asked as valencia nodded her head, her first real big smile covering her face 

"ditto, nicky, it was lovely seeing you and the lads again. and, of course, i remember where we always meet, your bloody dressing room! it hasn't been years nicky!" valencia giggles as the both of them hug and go their separate ways - valencia back over to matteo and the arena and nicky back over to his dressing room to finish the last few pieces of his outfit before going to places 

nicky couldn't help but remember how happy he was with valencia. valencia made nicky so much happier which was what made it tricky for him to understand how someone like matteo made valencia happier than nicky did. to nicky and his bandmates who had heard, it seemed as if matteo was trouble and it worried them sick. worried them to the point where they thought that he might be an abusive boyfriend or if not now, will eventually get to that point. 

ain't nobody hurt you like i hurt you, but ain't nobody need you like i do. 

throughout the entire concert, nicky made sure to keep his eyes on valencia and matteo. valencia mainly as he wanted to make sure she was safe and that matteo wouldn't try anything sneaky to hurt her. but, it was also because nicky still needs her. nicky still felt like he had so much more to give to valencia, way more than matteo would be able to. especially considering how matte just looked like he was bad news when you first make eye contact with the guy. 

it was coming towards the end of the first half of the concert when the song what makes a man instrumental started and straight away, valencia was ready for what was to come next. 

nicky, as he sang the chorus, made eye contact with valencia from the barricade that she was standing in front of next to gillian and kerry, shane and bryan's girlfriends as the girls had invited both valencia and matteo to join them. nicky directed this very song towards valencia, who he was still head over heels in love with, valencia, who still remembered every single lyric, mouthed alongside him. 

as it got to the last few verses and choruses of the song, it looked as though nicky was on the verge of tears if valencia looked closely enough. and it broke her heart, she hated the amount of pain she and nicky's breakup had on nicky, even though it was a mutual breakup, that didn't take away the pain that the both of them felt over it ending. valencia just wished she never gave it up with nicky, even though a part of her did love matteo and was glad she was dating him. 

suddenly, out of complete nowhere, valencia started crying when she and nicky made eye contact for what was maybe the tenth time during the song. nicky wished he didn't make valencia cry but, at the same token, he was glad it wasn't him that was crying otherwise, he knew how bad that would have made valencia feel. she had then gone to turn around to matteo to ask him for a tissue from her bag that he had offered to hold for her but, when she went to ask, he was nowhere to be seen. 

it freaked her out, not knowing where her boyfriend had gone but thankfully, gillian was right there to hand her a tissue that was from valencia's bag, valencia took notice that gillian was now keeping her bag safe, not matteo. valencia was now back to thinking about whether or not it was a smart idea to bring matteo and maybe thinking whether or not she really did love him or if he actually loved her. or, if he was like nicky and possibly the rest of westlife and gillian and kerry thought, was just an abuser and a troublemaker. 

i know there's others that deserve you but darling i am still in love with you. 

it didn't take rocket science to figure out that during the entire concert that nicky knew he was focusing too much on valencia whilst still knowing he was still head over heels in love with her. whilst it was obvious to valencia and his bandmates, it was shockingly something that every other westlife fan was just skimming over their heads, just assuming that nicky was just getting really emotional for unknown, personal reasons and that was why he was constantly paying more attention to one specific person rather than the whole crowd like he usually would be. even though nicky knew that there were others that deserved valencia as he promised her, he still found it difficult to comprehend that she did move on because at the time they made that promise, they were both unaware of how quickly valencia would move on after the breakup. 

it wasn't until flying without wings as valencia watched nicky keep eye contact with her throughout the whole song that it became clear to her that maybe, falling in with matteo was dangerous. however, she still desperately tried hard to hide the newfound fear that arose in her as matteo then rejoined her, kerry and gillian in front of the barricade and become suddenly possessive of her during the last few songs and then the encore. especially considering nicky and the other four could see her super easily and keep track of what was going on even though they were on stage. 

*

but i guess you look happier, you do. my friends told me one day i'll feel it too. 

the encore for westlife's concert was now over which meant that the show was finished and fans were now leaving the arena or attempting to get photos of the screen behind the stage that said westlife in white bold text when valencia and matteo rushed backstage, gillian and kerry leaving moments earlier after getting recognised by literally every single security guard to find their way over to nicky's dressing room. seeing that her best friend's dressing room door was wide open, valencia saw her chance, running straight over to nicky in excitement, adrenaline soaring through her blood. however, whilst valencia was rushing over to nicky's dressing room, matteo was running after her trying to get her attention. 

"...val, can i please...have a second just to speak to you? it's serious and it can't really wait--" 

skidding to a halt, valencia turned around to face her boyfriend, her face red as heavy breaths left her mouth, "--oh, sorry matteo but, i promised nicky i'd see him after the concert. i'll be very quick, i promise, can i please just catch up with him and his bandmates and their partners? we can talk later, i promise!" valencia quickly interjected as, to be honest, she was wanting to speak to nicky and his bandmates to get away from matteo who rolled his eyes before quickly noticing the security guard and smiled, nodding his head 

"oh, darling, of course, you can! go, have fun with your friends, i'll just be over at the bar across the street to get us some drinks before the end of the night, okay? oh, also, tell nicky and everyone else that they did amazing! i love you, princess!" matteo smiled, giving valencia a kiss making her squeal that he finally told her he loved her - okay, maybe he wasn't so bad after all and she ran like a little kid as she and nicky locked eyes 

"thanks, matteo! i love youuu!" valencia squeals out as she then runs over and sees nicky outside of his dressing room, the two of them locking eyes 

as some music started playing through the speakers of the arena, nicky and valencia ran over to each other in excitement. valencia jumps as nicky catches her and he spins the both of them around in a circle, something they hadn't done since their split. 

"hey..." valencia trailed off as she giggled as nicky held her tightly, the both of them slipping back into nicky's dressing room, closing the door so no one, especially matteo would suspect the best friends 

"...hi," nicky whispered back before in another short breath, whispered again, "you know, i've missed doing that with you," he whispered again, softly placing valencia back on the ground as she giggled softly, lifting her head up, placing a loose strand of hair behind her ear 

"i have as well...and, oh my god, you did amazing during the show! what makes a man was the best it's ever sounded, you made me cry actually! oh, also, matteo told me as well that he thought you guys did amazing so, um, yeah, well done!" valencia spoke enthusiastically but then hesitated when she mentioned matteo, something she had started to realise that she would do anytime in regards to mentioning him since they met and started dating 

and, all of this hesitation from valencia made nicky suspicious and think that maybe it was because valencia's scared of matteo but was at the same time so blinded by her love and infatuation for him that she finds her hesitation when she's around him or speaking about him to be normal. seeing this and now after being around, this was also now scaring nicky as much as it was potentially scaring valencia.

"oh, thank you, valencia! i'm so glad that both you and matteo enjoyed yourselves, which reminds me, where is he? i would've thought he would be with you..." nicky asked in confusion but nevertheless was still excited that they were finally alone as valencia just smiled - sort of nervous to go back over knowing that she and matteo were going to have a hard chat because of the way she was acting around nicky and the rest of the lads 

"...oh, umm, i think he left the arena to go to the bar across the street to get us some drinks so, he said i was allowed to come and hang out with you guys for a little bit," valencia smiled with excitement that she did get to hang out with her best friends 

"oh, umm, okay, cool! let's go back to mark's dressing room as kerry and gillian are there right now with the others then if matteo's allowed it," saying that made nicky's skin crawl and stomach churn in an undelightful way - was matteo suddenly becoming possessive over valencia?

"please, let's do that!" valencia spoke with what sounded like a hushed-out voice but nicky tried not to think too deeply about it as once again, just like this friends said, one day, nicky would feel the same joy that valencia's found with matteo and that one day soon, nicky is also going to move on

i could smile to hide the truth but i know i was happier with you. 

the night of the arena being open was nearly coming towards its end and since meeting up with nicky, shane, bryan, mark, kian, gillian and kerry, matteo had now returned with a couple of alcoholic drinks that he seemed to sneak into the arena with and had now started to become very touchy with valencia in the most uncomfortable way possible. but, just like nicky had been doing the entire time, valencia was smiling to hide away the truth of how she truly felt. obviously, because he was there, matteo had now joined the group and valencia as they were having their catch up and it was very uncomfortable. not just for nicky and the rest of the westlife group but for valencia as well. mainly because matteo was being blunt, rude and possessive but he was also trying to cover it up and justifying it by saying he was just being protective of his girlfriend. 

"...so, nathan, you dated valencia for a brief period of time, how long was it?" matteo, once again, called nicky by the wrong name as he asked in a rude tone of voice which noticeably scared valencia, she had never seen matteo be so rude but assumed it was due to the alcohol and because he was curious?

fighting the urge to roll his eyes, nicky sighed, "it's nicky and yes, i did, valencia and i dated for three years..." the dubliner corrected the inebriated man as he smiled a small smile, hoping that his feelings were being hidden away and not so obvious 

"...hmm...three years? is...is that what i have to beat baby doll?" matteo slurred as he started to nonconsensually kiss valencia's neck as she nervously gulped, trying to grab his face to get him to stop as everyone watched on with anger and worry 

"yes matteo, three years and, i won't lie when i say those three years were bloody fucking fantastic. it was just the timing that killed us so it was the right person wrong time so i have no idea, maybe you and i could get to three years or beat it, matteo. however, we are still yet to get to a month so, be patient darling okay, be patient!" valencia spoke with a slight tone in her voice as she smiled, trying her hardest to act all lovey-dovey around him when she was uncomfortable, especially with the few drinks he was influenced by 

"mmmkay babyy..." matteo slurred out again as he started to feel his hands around valencia yet again, the girl laughing uncomfortably, trying to hide the very noticeable fear in her eyes and body language even though she was in love with matteo - nonconsensual touching was still not okay if you were dating the person 

"i love you, matteo, i really do but, we don't touch me in this way when we're in public, okay? that's for our bedroom, got it?" the girl spoke through gritted teeth again, slapping matteo's hand away as the man started to sober up and he nodded his head 

"okay baby, let's leave then, we can catch up with your friends and ex-boyfriend tomorrow! i still have something i need to tell you, remember?" matteo whispered as valencia nodded her head, whispering back to him asking if she could say just one final goodbye to everyone, nodding his head, matteo released his arms from valencia's waist 

matteo then made it out of the dressing room and out of the arena to wait by the car. valencia smiled again as she went over to nicky and the rest of the group to say her goodbyes. they all smiled as they hugged and chatted a little more. valencia and nicky were finally in front of each other again and valencia just smiled and went on her tippy toes as she pulled him in for a hug. 

"thank you for the great night tonight, nicky. i truly think it was good for matteo and me to fly over here and see one of the shows and for him to meet you guys. it seems as if he truly and thoroughly enjoyed it which was nice to hear and, yeah, see you again soon and if not soon, whenever it is you guys return back to ireland..." valencia was about to leave when she paused and turned back around 

"...i...umm, i know how hard it was for you to see me with matteo and the fact that i have moved on but, i'll always and i mean always love you nicky. those three years we were together were truthfully and honestly the best fucking time ever but, i'm with matteo now and, i am glad you're okay with it..." valencia paused again as nicky nodded his head with a small smile on his face, he truthfully was glad she was happy again even though he did have some slight suspicions about the guy 

"...okay, i really have to go now but, i love you loads nicky and, i'll see you around new york but, if not soon, i'll see you back home in ireland i'm sure..." valencia blabbed out as she smiled and kissed nicky's cheek, his cheeks flushing a bright pink as he smiled back, his hand slightly grazing his cheek as valencia walked away 

"...not a problem, valencia, it was nice seeing you too...i love you more..." nicky trailed off as he grazed his cheek that valencia kissed as he sighed - valencia really was in love with matteo, she really was happy with him 

baby, you look happier you do, i knew one day you'd fall for someone new. 

one month later, it seemed as if valencia and matteo were still dating... that is, what people who read smash hits and all those other magazines thought that is.

SMASH HITS

KENDRA BECKNER | EDITOR JANUARY, 2000

west-end performer, valencia callahan, the ex-girlfriend of westlife superstar nicky byrne seen out with a mystery man at her older sister's wedding! it seemed like it was only yesterday that our smash hits reporter lyndsy ramos did a video interview with callahan and byrne to stop rumours about the reason why the power couple broke up. however, nearly two months later, valencia is already seen out with a new beau. 

valencia's older sister, west-end performer kayleene callahan got married yesterday (read that article here!) and kayleene's younger sister, valencia was the maid of honour. but, it wasn't that that had reporters and fans alike taken aback. it was the fact that valencia was seen kissing and sitting rather close to another man. and, who is this new man valencia is dating, may you ask? well, take today as your lucky day because we've got all the gossip. 

valencia's new boyfriend is west-end performer matteo de la costa. de la costa is well known for playing marius in les miserables, link in hairspray and many others but, how did he gain the attention of valencia callahan? well, it was said the moment that valencia and nicky broke up that callahan had to return back to england for her west-end show, grease, after she had spent time with nicky and westlife in america during their showcase to break america. and it was where she played the lead role of sandy when she met de la costa who was joining the show as a swing ensemble member with his first debut on stage as danny. and then, it was said from that moment that valencia and matteo fell in love. 

however, we can't lie and say we don't miss seeing valencia and nicky together because we absolutely do. so, in this article, you can read our list of fifteen things we loved about valencia callahan and nicky byrne's relationship. although we do miss val and nicky, we also do love val and matteo, here is a gallery of photos of the new couple at kayleene callahan's wedding: 

gallery 60+ photos: click here

however though, as most people are aware, not everything that you see in the newspapers and magazines is real and picture-perfect. recently, matteo and valencia were arguing and fighting like crazy. but it wasn't like valencia had done anything wrong, it was just something that had spiralled out of control after matteo started all the arguments. unfortunately, as nicky and his bandmates, unfortunately, thought and suspected would happen, matteo was now dangerous and abusive. matteo was so abusive that he would punch walls, merely inches from missing valencia's face each time. 

"...matt...matteo, babe, please...please stop! what...what did i do wrong? just...just tell me and i...i can fix it!" valencia squeals out, curling up against the wall and mere inches from where matteo's hand was close to punching her 

"stop talking with and seeing that nathan guy! it's him that is causing this trouble! DO YOU NOT SEE THE WAY HE LOOKS AT YOU WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER?!" matteo suddenly raises his voice which makes valencia mad - how dare he say shit about nicky when nicky hadn't done anything wrong 

"matteo cruz de la costa! his name is nicky and he has done nothing wrong. the two of us have been friends since we were children. yes, he's going to look at me in a certain way because we dated for three bloody years and we're best friends but, it means anything but what you think it means because i'm with you and because i love you...not...not him..." valencia hesitates towards the end as fear surges through her but, it was too late, matteo was mad 

"NO VALENCIA, YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU NEVER HAVE AND YOU NEVER WILL! YOU HAVE LOVED NICKY THIS ENTIRE TIME, YOU TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE YOU'D RATHER BE WITH HIM THAN ME!" matteo screams, throwing another punch at the wall, again merely missing valencia by an inch and valencia smiles at the fact he finally got nicky's name right 

"FINE! YOU GOT ME MATTEO! I DO LOVE NICKY AND I STILL DO, I NEVER STOPPED LOVING HIM BECAUSE THE TIMING FOR US WAS NEVER RIGHT AND WAS ALWAYS IN THE WAY. WHICH WAS THE REASON WE BROKE UP IN THE FIRST PLACE, NOT BECAUSE WE STOPPED LOVING EACH OTHER! YES, I ADMIT, I TALK ABOUT NICKY LIKE I'D RATHER SPEND TIME WITH HIM BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY TIME DOING ANYTHING BUT BE SEEN WITH YOU! HE ALWAYS TREATED ME RIGHT WHEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS AND WHEN WE DATED! HE'S THE BEST MAN EVER AND I--"just before valencia could continue or pause to defend herself, matteo went crazy and picked up a glass vase 

because, the moment valencia realised that matteo had picked up the glass vase, it was too late. matteo had thrown the glass vase and it had struck valencia in the head, causing her to wobble back, smashing into the wall behind her. 

she fell unconscious as she slid from the wall to the ground almost lifelessly, blood pouring from the back of her head, the glass that was on the ground now cutting into her skin, causing even more blood to trickle its way down the unconscious valencia's paling body. matteo didn't even stop to realise what he did wrong and sprinted out of the house just as nicky was walking in for a catch-up between he and valencia that matteo had allowed for the sake of keeping his girlfriend happy - not because he liked nicky. 

matteo didn't even react that he had injured his girlfriend until he heard the dublin accent that he had so very familiarised from nicky and his eyes widened as the west-end performer sprinted from the house. 

"...matteo? are you alright ma...oh my god, valencia!" nicky jolted back slightly as matteo ran past him, kicking the dubliner on his shoulder, his eyes widening the moment he noticed the scene in front of him 

grabbing his phone from his pocket, nicky wasted no second in dialling 999 for an ambulance and the police, "...no, no, val, valencia! ahh, crap....come on, pick up, pick up! please help me!" nicky was hysterical within seconds of the 999 operator picking up his phone call 

with all the possible information that was obvious from just the scene in front of him, nicky gave it all to the dispatcher who then sent out the ambulance and police vehicle with lights and sirens flashing. thanking the female dispatcher, ending the call since he could hear the sirens coming down the street, nicky threw his phone to the ground, the phone just stopping before it fell into one of the few puddles of blood as he then leant his back against the wall where valencia was and picked her up, cradling her in his lap. 

swaying the both of them lightly from side to side, nicky tried to keep the both of them calm and valencia as awake as possible as the sirens halted sound as did the flashing lights, meaning the paramedics and police had arrived. 

"...cmon val, it's okay darling. just keep your pretty eyes open, it's nicky, you're safe..." nicky whispered in a soft, surprisingly calm tone of voice as valencia suddenly squirmed before calming down from the pain of her injury and the fact that she was safe and it was nicky holding her, matteo nowhere to be found 

"what..what happened? did...did matteo hit me?" groggy, valencia attempted to ask what had happened, well wanting to know if what happened did happen and she wasn't dreaming as nicky gave a small smile 

"yeah babe, matteo hit you. that and he threw a glass vase at your head which caused you to fall back into the wall...but it's okay, matteo's gone and i'm here and the paramedics and police are just walking in now, okay, you're safe," nicky stayed calm as valencia nodded her head as best as she could which made nicky relax a little better 

immediately, the paramedics went over to check on valencia as nicky stood up and slipped behind them so as not to be in the way. he felt tears well in his eyes as he watched his best friend get prodded and poked and asked so many questions that the poor thing could barely keep up with their questions. 

"...valencia, darling, can you please let us help you? my name is sammy and this is angel, we're paramedics and we are here to help you and to treat your injuries..." sammy, the male paramedic repeated for a second time to valencia who was slipping between awake and sleep 

"...am i okay? where...where's nicky?" valencia panicked, no longer about to see nicky as sammy and angel decided that they needed to work quickly and to keep valencia as responsive or as long as they possibly could 

"valencia, nicky is still here, he's just talking to the police, and yes, you are okay, you've just got a head injury and small non-fatal lacerations scattered across your upper body, arms and legs. your head injury is our biggest concern so, could you please tell us your name, even though we already know it?" angel then asks as valencia blinks, thinking for a moment but it seemed as if nothing was registering in her mind other than nicky 

"uh...umm.i..my..." the first and second try she doesn't get it but, by the third try, she manages to mumble her name out 

"...val..valencia...my name is valencia, i'm...i'm 20 and my...my boyfriend matteo cruz de la costa and i got into an argument and he...he hit me a couple of times after threatening too and then he...he picked up the glass vase and hit my over the head with it as i then fell back, hitting my head again on the wall..." valencia wangles out as the paramedics and nicky, who was teary-eyed, smiled in shock with widened eyes as they listened to valencia remember every single detail of the accident 

nicky could barely deal with anyone treating valencia with that much disrespect but, it shocked him so much more that it was matteo because he was supposedly in love with her and he trusted matteo to take care of her and he didn't. 

"...well done, valencia. thank you for the information..." sammy thanked as valencia smiled in return when sammy's attention went back to angel 

"...angel, i think the only thing we can do is just get valencia into the ambulance and to the hospital, she is back and forth from consciousness even though she does remember her name and what happened, there's still a chance that something bad could happen..." sammy concluded as angel agreed straight away, sammy moving forward and picking up valencia in his arms, carrying her bridal style towards to stretcher as they then proceed to wheel her out to the ambulance 

nicky then quickly followed after them into the ambulance, obviously his last thought on the glass shards on the floor and the fact he was covered in his ex-girlfriend/best friend's blood, sammy closed the back of the ambulance before jumping onto the front seat, flooring down the street to the nearest hospital as angel and nicky sat in the back with valencia. 

"...nicky, if there is anyone, could you possibly get into contact with them about valencia's condition and tell them to meet us at the st vincent's university hospital, it's the closest one?" angel spoke up as she continued to monitor valencia's vitals, nicky nodding his head as he immediately grabs his phone and messages the first person he thinks of; kian egan from westlife 

kiano 

hey, kian, could you and the guys meet valencia and me at st vincents university hospital, please? 

why, what happened? 

nicholas, what the fuck happened? 

you were only supposed to go and visit valencia and matteo, what did that cock sucker do? 

no, valencia isn't okay. and yes, i was only supposed to visit them but, the moment i got there, matteo basically legged it when i then noticed what had happened. i walked in further to see that matteo had hit valencia over the head with a glass vase, she couldn't move out of the way quickly enough. now, i don't exactly know what they were fighting about since i didn't hear it but, the police did take statements from neighbours. all i can say is that they were definitely fighting again. 

again? jesus christ, how many more times are they going to fight and she's going to keep on going back to him? i feel so awful for her, she doesn't deserve this! 

how far away are you guys from the hospital in the ambulance? thankfully, shane, mark and i haven't let for sligo yet so we won't take too long and obviously, bryan will bring gill and kerry with him 

the ambulance is like three minutes away, meet me in waiting room three! the hospital will place her in the icu considering it's a head injury 

oh, you best be there we'll be there in two! stay safe and, nicky, stay calm, valencia is a strong girl and matteo, the fucker, is going to pay for this!

thank you kian, i'll see you and the lads in waiting room three! 

kiano has read nicky's message 

nicky now felt less agitated knowing that when he got to the hospital, his bandmates and friends were also going to be there as well. knowing he wasn't going to be alone really gave nicky some comfort as he now just had to deal with the thought that the person that he thought loved his best friend and ex-girlfriend would even think to do this to her, not just this once but all the countless other times. 

from what nicky saw of matteo and heard of him, he was really kind, funny, enthusiastic, sarcastic, a talented actor, a bit of a jerk and petty when he purposefully would either mispronounce or call someone by the wrong name and pretty possessive when drunk but overall, he was a great guy. sure, as mentioned, he did make some uncomfortable and inexcusable comments when drunk but, maybe valencia got uncomfortable due to never seeing it before that night when she returned back to new york for westlife's american showcase. matteo isn't a bad guy, right...right?`from what nicky saw of matteo and heard of him, he was really kind, funny, enthusiastic, sarcastic, a talented actor, a bit of a jerk and petty when he purposefully would either mispronounce or call someone by the wrong name and pretty possessive when drunk but overall, he was a great guy. sure, as mentioned, he did make some uncomfortable and inexcusable comments when drunk but, maybe valencia got uncomfortable due to never seeing it before that night when she returned back to new york for westlife's american showcase. matteo isn't a bad guy, right...right?

~

a couple of weeks go by since valencia was first brought into the hospital by ambulance when she was starting to regain full consciousness again. after many ct scans and x-rays, it had been ruled out that valencia's memory or head injury was not a serious concern anymore, she was moved out from the icu and into a different room on the first floor. all she needed was regular pain medication to stop any internal and external swelling. 

the entire time that valencia was confined to her icu room in the hospital, nicky and the rest of the westlife family were there also. they never actually wanted to leave due to the heavy risk of matteo coming in and attempting to apologise for what he did so, they never left and the hospital staff allowed it. for a while, especially at the beginning of valencia's time at the hospital, just the mention of matteo's name would make valencia stress out which would then cause trauma to her head injury which was something they were heavily trying to avoid. 

valencia was beyond grateful to nicky, kian, shane, mark, bryan, kerry and gillian for never leaving her bedside and staying in her room with her. she was grateful because it made her feel safe in knowing that her best friends weren't ever leaving her side, no matter who she chose to fall in love with or out of love with. even if she only started to realise it now, in a hospital bed out of the icu that it was the wrong person. 

"...nicky..." valencia mumbled, filling out the silence as she had just finished some testing which caused her to be a little drugged and groggy, nicky smiled at hearing his name 

"...yeah, what's up, valencia?" nicky responded softly, quickly turning to face her again as he grabbed her hand to hold, making the drowsy girl smile at the connection 

"was...were the police actually able to find out what happened? what did matteo and i actually fight about?" valencia questioned, shocking nicky as since the accident, nicky and the entire group had been quite apprehensive about telling the full story of what matteo did since for some reason, maybe due to a trauma response, valencia could remember everything else about what happened but the actual fight that led up to her injuries 

and the reason being was that, a couple of days after being transferred to the hospital, nicky received a phone call from the police that had been dispatched out on his 999 call and told him that they not only had found and apprehended matteo. but his statement of events lined up basically identically to every single one of the witness statements from the surrounding neighbours who had heard the two of them fighting. and, now, valencia wanted to be told? this worried everyone but no one was more worried than nicky himself was. 

"val...valencia, are you sure you want me to tell you? what he did was horrific..." nicky trailed off, fighting back his own tears as valencia slowly nodded her head yes 

seeing the head nod, nicky breathed in as the others braced themselves as nicky was the only one to be given that phone call with the information from the police. 

"...please, nicky. i...i wanna know and i'm ready, besides, i deserve to know, don't i?" valencia was certain that she wanted to know and she made it clear, nicky nodded his head as he then held his hand out for his best friend to hold, which she reciprocated straight away 

"...okay, umm, just to preface this, this is what i was told by the police and what they were told by him and the witnesses that heard it..." however, it seemed as though nicky no longer needed to tell the story since whatever trauma response was stopping valencia from remembering before was gone and she remembered 

her eyes widened as she squeezed nicky's hand tighter, "...i...oh my god...i remember what we were fighting over!" she called out, making nicky turn his head up again, in a bit of shock but a little bit glad since that was the one thing the police were a bit iffy about telling him 

"what was the fight over?" nicky hummed quietly as the rest of the group all nervously awaited to hear it, not expecting to be told what valencia was about to tell them 

valencia never imagined she'd be embarrassed saying this but she was, making eye contact with nicky, "it...the fight was over you, nico..." the injured girl then turned her head back down to her hands that rested in the hospital sheets as nicky sat in shock, the fight was over him? 

"...it...the fight was over me?" nicky could feel his breathing pick up as valencia nodded her head slowly as she continued the story further, remembering other things that nicky had already been told by the police that the rest were hearing for the first time

"mhm, it was because i couldn't stop talking about you to matteo. he...he must have thought i was cheating on him and that we were dating behind his back or something and, he...he told me to stop talking about you as he then started to talk crap about you..." valencia paused as nicky's jaw tensed up as he gulped down some saliva that he was almost about to choke on 

the others were listening in pure shock, "...i, of course, defended you, saying you look at me the way you do because you did date me for three years and that we are still best friends, so i didn't take any care at how you looked at me as that's how you have always looked at me, even before we dated. i told matteo i loved him, though it was with hesitation and i think that's what made him even madder as that was when he started to yell, saying that i didn't love him and that i...that i still loved you, nicky..." the drowsy girl trailed off again as she licked her lips as she continued, nicky lightly caressing her hand in comfort with his thumb 

"...and, that...what was when i said it. i shouted it actually, telling him that he was correct...i...i do still love you, nicky. i...*sigh* i never stopped loving you, nicky, i seriously didn't. i then explained to matteo that the reason why we broke up was because of the timing of us always being so busy with westlife and the west end and that was what was getting in the way of our relationship. not that we didn't love each other and that i talk about you so much because you are incredible nicky, you truly are!" once again, valencia paused so she could catch her breath and take a swig of water before continuing, nicky remaining engaged and listening, everyone else in silent shock 

"i then continued on saying how you always treated me right, not just when we dated but as best friends and, i know i shouldn't have but, it was all i could think to say. and that was what drove him over the edge but i just kept on going and kept on pushing him by saying how much of an amazing person you are when he just couldn't handle it anymore and...and then he picked up the glass vase and he threw it at me...and i didn't realise he had thrown it before it was too late and bam, it hit me right in the back of the head and i just, fell and slid down the wall, the shards of glass underneath me cutting into me..." valencia trailed off, most especially after mentioning that she was still in love with nicky, even after she had convinced herself that she had moved on from her best friend even when she hadn't ever really planned to do that 

this had obviously caught nicky breathless as he tried to form a coherent sentence, "...val...valencia, you...still love me?" he stammered out as the drowsy, medically drugged-up girl nodded her head as her lip quivered 

"oh my gosh, nicholas, yes! matteo broke my heart, maybe even more than my heart actually! nico, this wasn't the first fight matteo and i had had! it was maybe at least the tenth or something crazy stupid like that. those photos included in that smash hits magazine cover were taken ages ago and before kayleene's wedding which was before we flew over to visit you guys in new york when i first introduced you to matteo. as soon as kayleene's wedding finished and you and i started hanging out more frequently when you returned from america, we had just hit breaking point, matteo and i. it was always, always matteo accusing me of something, never me accusing him because i trusted and loved him enough to think that he wouldn't hurt me or break my heart. but, i've ended up in the hospital which is just as worse. i...i am so sorry i never told you or confirmed your guys' suspicions, i...i was just scared, so scared that matteo would hurt me if he found out i was trying to ask you guys for help or for a way out," valencia trailed off, a small single tear escaping from the corner of her eye to her cheek, nicky wiping it away 

nicky was also silently crying, he couldn't believe that anyone would ever think of putting someone as sweet and loving as valencia through so much pain and heartache. and in all honesty, he never stopped loving valencia either. of course, the break-up at the time was for the best and maybe this is what was supposed to come out of the breakup but, they both wished that it wasn't having to happen in a hospital room. 

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you

nicky and valencia sat in silence with one another just staring at each other, consoling each other and wiping away each other's tears. everyone watching on saw the love and infatuation, the same one they always had for each other, spark all over again as if it never faded. valencia never stopped loving nicky, she was just waiting for the right time so she and nicky could meet back up again at the perfect roadblock and start from where they had left off. 

and that's actually what they ended up doing and, it was like love at first sight again for the two of them. 

"...i love you, valencia, i never stopped loving you..." 

"...i love you too, nicky, i never stopped loving you either!" 

six months later

SMASH HITS

NICKY BYRNE, WESTLIFE POP STAR AND VALENCIA CALLAHAN ARE BACK IN LOVE AGAIN! SPOTTED DANCING, KISSING AND LOVING ON EACH OTHER AT ELDEST SISTER'S WEDDING! 

KENDRA BECKNER | EDITOR  AUGUST, 2000

do we hear wedding bells? yes, we do but, it wasn't for our favourite power couple but for another sister of one-half of our favourite power couple! okay, we've all been screaming and crying at the news that nicky byrne of westlife and valencia callahan of west end's grease has gotten back together and dating again. however, these new and exclusive photos and interviews have come from those in attendance at katerina callahan's, valencia's eldest sister's wedding to her new beau, west-end star noah vasquez. 

katerina is the eldest sister of the callahan clan with kayleene, the second sister that got married earlier in the year as the second oldest with valencia being the youngest sister of the three girls. and, katerina was the first person our smash hits reporters talked to in regard to the rekindling of nicky and valencia's romance and, we're here for the way in which mrs vasquez talks about her littlest sister and byrne. 

"nicky is fantastic...he is such a sweetheart, such a charmer but he's also such a gentleman and the way he treats valencia, my little angel, is the only way in which she deserves to be treated. so, knowing that they're back in their new and improved but still old relationship at my wedding is definitely a dream coming true..."  quote by katerina callahan vasquez, valencia's older sister 

kayleene callahan-rhodes, who was also at her older sister's wedding with her husband, bailey callahan-rhodes, also had a super sweet thing to say about her little sister valencia and nicky and, honestly, get those tissues out because it is a tearjerker. 

"honestly, there's no one else in the world that i'd want to see my sister with other than nicky byrne! they are the best couple in the entire world, nicky doesn't hurt her, make her uncomfortable or do things to or with her that she is unsure of. he is patient and knows when he's crossed a line. what a lad, i mean, i truthfully think, and this isn't me bashing me or katerina's husbands but, i genuinely think that nicky is the best partner out of the three of them and both bailey and noah agree. and, also, our parents and younger siblings all love nicky so, i mean, we all i think cried when we were told they first broke up but rejoiced when they got back together after valencia was discharged from the hospital and fully recovered. i just hope that the next wedding i'm a bridesmaid in that it's valencia and nicky's!" quote by kayleene callahan, valencia's other older sister 

katerina and her husband noah vasquez | pic: photography by ellie jameson 

for those who didn't know, before breaking up, valencia and nicky had dated for three years before that, starting their relationship in the year 1997 to when it ended in january of this year in 2000. however, the two little lovebirds have known each other since they were young cherubs back home in their lovely hometown of baldoyle, dublin. valencia was of course famous before nicky was known in not just the football world but then the pop world with westlife but when westlife was formed, when they were first known as westside, valencia was said to be the first west-girlfriend. which, she now shares with shane filan's girlfriend, cousin of bandmate kian egan, business graduate, gillian walsh and bryan mcfadden's girlfriend, atomic kitten's, kerry katona. 

talking with our smash hits reporters at katerina's wedding reception during cocktail hour, both valencia and nicky shared with us their joy of getting back together after valencia's last relationship that was abusive and caused her a hospital trip. thankfully, both were happy and elated to talk with us so, here is what they had to say. 

"...oh, i am absolutely overjoyed to be with nicky in a relationship again. he is truly the best partner in the entire world. he is sweet, he is cheeky, he is loving, he is caring, but most importantly, he is so patient and he understands that i'm still mentally and still in someway physically, recovering from the last relationship that i was in for a couple of months. and it was that relationship that ended with me being in the hospital that i was just discharged from not too long ago. and nicky's been brilliant the entire time of my recovery, actually, so has his entire family but, yeah, with nicky, getting back into the swing of our relationship was so easy and it just felt like i was going back home again," quote by valencia callahan, nicky byrne's girlfriend 

"...being back with valencia is like she said, going back home again and as cheesy as it sounds, it's seriously the most truthful thing ever! valencia is the best girlfriend in the whole entire world and, i'm just so glad that whilst we did fix some things in our relationship with one of them being that we were the priority, not our jobs, it was still the same relationship that we had had for three years before we split up. valencia is genuinely the funniest, sexiest, most talented person i have ever met and honestly, i could cry over her because of how much i love her and how much i am truly happier being with her again," quote by nicky byrne, valencia callahan's boyfriend 

even though we do love valencia and nicky, we also love the newly married couple, mr and mrs noah and katerina vasquez, here is a gallery of photos of the newly married couple and of nicky and valencia at the vasquez's wedding: 

gallery 60+ photos: click here

and if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that i'll be waiting here, for you and he was waiting there for her and, nicky finally got his girl back safe and sound.

fin

i said this the first time i wrote it but if ed sheeran was a little bit older in the early 2000s when happier was written, i am certain that westlife would have done an amazing cover version!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

happy birthday dad!🫶

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!daughter byrne reader

summary : nicky byrne's eldest daughter, pressley byrne had been away at university in australia for the last three years and only now, three years later, was able to come home due to covid restrictions. and it was also her dad's birthday so, there was no way she'd miss out on surprising her old man for his 44th birthday. 

warnings : dad x nicky, an emotional reunion between father and daughter, happy tears

a/n : the one-shot will be written in lowercase and flashbacks, if any, will be written in italics. 

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐫  | 8 october 2022 | brisbane, queensland 

pressley byrne was tearful, in an emotion she wasn't sure was joy, relief or sadness. joy, because she was finally able to get on that goddamn three-hour delayed aer lingus flight back home to her home country of ireland, dublin specifically, from brisbane, queensland australia after four whole years, two of them being stuck there due to coronavirus (in 2020 and 2021). relief, because she was able to spend her father's birthday with him at home during a brief break from westlife's wild dreams tour and sadness because she felt awful that she had become so close to her roommates back at the university of queensland that she felt sick to her stomach that she was one of the very few international university students who were able to travel back home after the whole coronavirus, lockdown situation that the world had been circumnavigating the last couple of years after they had all graduated. however, the moment she finally sat down, alongside her best friend, alania, a fellow international student of the university of queensland in their first-class seats as pressley wore her old oversized westlife hoodie that was for sure first given to her when she was just a wee toddler paired with white flared jeans and fluffy slides. she sighed in relief, with a smidge of joy and a smidge of sadness as she rested her head against the side of the first class cabin she and alania purchased as both girls listened intently to the aeroplanes safety instructions even though they knew nothing bad was actually going to happen. 

after all the safety instructions and usual announcements had been made, both girls settled back down in their seats, pressley reached for her wired earphones even though it wasn't totally illegal for her to use her airpods, and plugged them into her iphone and immediately went into her spotify premium.  pressing shuffle on her playlist, home by westlife and then you raise me up also by westlife and other songs that reminded pressley of her family back home in ireland played in her earphones. whilst those songs would always make her cry (and absolutely, positively did on this flight) it also made her smile and be extremely grateful that the flight, although it was delayed by three hours and was an entire 24-hour flight, they were finally on the plane and on their way home on irish soil in dublin. the overly exhausted irish girl seemed to fall asleep within minutes and it seemed to stay that way for the entire flight. even her fellow uni best friend, alania callahan, didn't want to disturb her twenty-year-old best friend as it seemed obvious from the tear stains on the byrne girl's face, the slightly distressed wrinkles and scrunched-up nose that she shared with her dad that it revealed to the flight attendants as well as alania that this sleep was extremely needed. especially because she'd be surprising not just her dad for his birthday but also everyone else so, no one disturbed her until alania had to when the plane landed back home in dublin, ireland. 

pressley was in the deepest sleep, her earphones blasting westlife's version of michael buble's hit song home when she felt herself being shaken awake. the girl jolted awake but softly fluttered her eyes open to see the prettiest female eyes, they were the blue eyes of her bestie, alania. rushing to take out her earphones, alania gestured for the girl to breathe and go slow as pressley listened and she took her time before alania spoke up. with the slightly exhausted smile from the blonde, alania took that cue to speak up so, she did. 

"hey little miss sleepy, sorry to wake you up honey but the flight attendants were wanting me to let you know that we've finally arrived back home in dublin..." alania smiled at her bestie as that seemed to make pressley teary-eyed and on the verge of tears 

alania wasn't bothered by her bestie's emotional reaction since, it was quite normal for pressley to cry and, it was also clear to alania that pressley had been waiting for the moment of hearing that she was finally home after being away from it for what had felt like an eternity, just like alania. 

alania let her best friend compose herself before pressley spoke up, "...we're home, alania?" pressley whimpered out as alania sweetly smiled 

"yeah, we're home press. we touched down around ten/fifteen minutes ago, we are currently the last ones from first class to deboard but the flight attendants are still waiting to deboard business and economy classes so, the flight attendants said to me before waking you up that they aren't really in a rush to get us off but...wait, you never told me whos picking you up..." alania was knee deep in repeating what she was told to pressley when she remembered that she was never told who was picking pressley up as pressley smiled and giggled slightly through her tears

"...oh, yeah, sorry, i...um, i'm surprising my family, but my dad especially for his birthday. it's his 44th birthday today and westlife is on a small break from their wild dreams tour before returning back for their asia leg in mid-november..." pressley giggled, smiling as she just imagined the reactions of her dad nicky and her brothers and sister, rocco, jay and gia along with the reactions from the rest of her westlife family, shane, mark and kian and the reaction of their kids as well

seeing pressley's smile at what alania knew was her best friend's imaginings of how the byrne girl's family would react to the surprise made alania smile even more. she had been friends with pressley and her family since they were basically in diapers after their parents met at an event for pressley's grandfather, bertie ahern, who was the irish prime minister at the time and since then, the byrne's and callahan's had been the best of friends, that friendship continuing on in their children. 

"...so, if you're surprising the whole family, who's picking you up then?" alania giggled as the two girls grabbed their carry-on luggage and awkwardly shimmied out of the plane so they could then leave and truly be back on solid ground, not a plane's ground after what felt like a whole year of being in one 

"no one, alania, did you forget that we drove here and left my car in the parking garage the whole four years..." pressley trailed off as alania suddenly face palmed, remembering all of a sudden as the two girls giggled - glad that they had faith in the undercover parking at dublin airport 

"...how did i forget that? we came together cause i stayed at your house overnight--i'm a fucking idiot!" alania chuckled as pressley shook her head and giggled at her childhood best friend

"come on alania! let's go home, it's time for us to surprise our families!" pressley smiled, holding her hand out for her best friend to grab which she did as the fellow blonde girl nodded her head with a smile and took her best friends hand with hers 

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 | 8 october 2022 | dublin, ireland

pressley had just helped alania surprise her family and, it was the sweetest moment ever, especially when alania's parents gina and alexander basically pulled her into joining the family group hug and it only made her even more excited to surprise her own family, her dad most especially. with gina and alexander callahan's help and the help of alania, it was pressley's time to surprise her own family. and the first person to be surprised was georgina, pressley's mum. 

so, after a couple of moments of gina, alania's mum, convincing georgina to come outside to the front of the house on her own, georgina made her way outside and the look on both georgina and pressley's faces when they saw each other was the sweetest in the world. 

alania filmed as pressley waited in anxious wait for her mum to come outside to the front of the house after gina sent what could be perceived as a suspicious text. pressley had just turned around to smile at alania and her phone when she heard her mum's voice...

"...pressley? what...what are you doing home?" georgina's voice was shaky and tearful as pressley turned around and only just opened her arms for a hug when georgina rushed over to pull her eldest daughter in for a hug 

"surprise mam!" pressley whispered as she started to giggle as she felt herself breathing properly again as she smiled into her mum's shoulder 

georgina held her heart tightly as she moved out of the hug, one of her hands still holding pressley's, "you didn't tell us you'd be home for your dad's birthday!" she whispered, having an inkling as to that being the entire reason why pressley was surprising her whole family rather than just nicky 

"because i wanted to surprise all of you, not just dad. he isn't that subtle when asking for birthday wishes mam," pressley giggles as does georgina, alania, alexander and gina who are all filming from different angles because, you know, angles

"of course he isn't, he's never been subtle. oh, i'm so glad you're home, press! it's been way too long!" georgina whispered, hugging her eldest child again 

"it really has! i'm just glad that alania and i had the opportunity to come home because so many other international, especially irish, students at the uni are still stuck back in brisbane!" pressley explained as georgina looked shocked as alania nodded her head in agreement, the girl stopped filming a moments earlier 

~

a few minutes went by when, with the help of georgina, alania, gina and alexander, pressley surprised her twin brothers, rocco and jay at rocco's soccer practice that weirdly enough, their dad, who was soccer crazy, wasn't attending because he was celebrating his birthday with the westlife lads. 

thankfully, rocco's soccer coach, another good friend of the byrne family, recognised the surprise and that pressley had returned home and gave a subtle head nod, letting the older sister know that she could surprise rocco. however, it seemed as if jay, rocco's twin brother, had noticed pressley just a minute or two quicker. 

"...pressley!" jay squeaked out, jumping from the wired fence he was sitting atop and rushing over to the other side of the soccer pitch to his older sister who stood smiling 

her speed picked up as she noticed the look on her brother's face, he was seconds from crying and as though his feet couldn't run fast enough to reach her so, she started to run towards him as well. finally, after what felt like the brother and sister had been running forever, they finally reached each other and jay and pressley byrne collided with each other. 

jumping into his sister's arms, even though he was a full-on teenager, at sixteen, he didn't care as it had been at least four or so years since he had last seen her that wasn't over the phone on facetime. 

"what are you doing home?" he sniffled with a small giggle as pressley smiled, pulling away and giving her brother a sweet kiss on the head 

"me and alania got lucky as two of very few international students who were able to come home and also, i couldn't resist surprising dad for his birthday, of course!" pressley giggled at the end, making jay giggle too, even with the tears dripping down his cheeks 

"do you need to go back to graduate?" jay then questioned as the laughter from the soccer team started occurring out of the blue - rocco had finally realised where his twin brother was and that his older sister was home

and, that was when another screech of pressley's name was heard, "pressley!" her heart almost exploded at how her younger brothers always got so excited and emotional when she came home as she turned around, waiting for her brother to run over to her 

similar to jay, rocco started getting teary eyed as he ran because he felt like he couldn't run quick enough so, like she did with jay, pressley started to run over to rocco.  thankfully though, pressley and rocco didn't stray too far from jay who seemed like he was still in shock from this whole reunion thing, after rocco and pressley hugged, they immediately pulled jay in as they had a group hug. 

"what are you doing here? i thought you couldn't get home because of covid?" rocco chuckled, wiping off a tear from his cheek as pressley smiled, shaking her head 

"no, i was lucky, as was alania--" 

"--alania's home as well?!" rocco squealed in even more excitement as pressley and jay giggled, pressley nodding her head 

"yes, she is! she's actually filming this whole thing!" pressley giggled as alania rushed over from a little bush that she had been filming behind, the twins smiling as they rushed to give the girl a hug 

after the twins reunited with alania, they then chatted with their older sister a little bit more, wondering if gia, their younger sister and their dad knew only to find out pressley was surprising the whole family. 

~

now that mum, rocco and jay were surprised, the only two people that needed to be surprised were little sister gia and their dad nicky. however, usually, dad would be the person to pick gia up after irish dancing, however, georgina managed to convince her husband that she was going to pick up gia when really, it was actually going to be pressley and alania that were going to be picking gia up. thankfully, the irish dance studio that eight-year-old gia danced at was the very same one that pressley and alania danced at so, they would be allowed to pick up gia instead of nicky or georgina since the two girls were very well known at the dance studio. 

and once again, alania was filming as the girls walked into the irish dance studio to pick up gia, who was around five when pressley first left for uni and was now eight years old, nearly nine. you would think that a young girl of gia's age, who hadn't seen their older sister since they were five, wouldn't remember them but, that couldn't be said for little gia byrne...

...pressley had barely walked in when little gia screamed at the top of her lungs and ran over to her older sister. 

"pressley!!!" gia screamed, not even wanting to say goodbye to her dance teacher who smiled as they saw the reason why gia was screaming after they had registered the name that the girl had screamed out 

kneeling down to the ground with her arms wide open, pressley waited for her little sister to jump into her arms so she could pick her up and twirl her around, "gia!!!" pressley cheered, matching her sister's enthusiasm and excitement as she hugged gia as tightly as possible 

then, what gia said next made everyone coo in adorableness, "i missed you, pressley!" gia couldn't have been happier at the end of her irish dancing lesson, not so upset that it wasn't her daddy picking her up since she would see him later since she could tell that pressley wouldn't just surprise one person in the family 

"i missed you too, gia! you've gotten so big! when i last saw you, you were like, five! now you're eight years old! in fact, you're nearly nine!" pressley giggled as gia nodded her head in excitement, happy as ever that pressley remembered that she was no longer a little girl anymore but a big girl 

"i know! i'm glad you're home though, because it's daddy's birthday today! he's been wanting you to come home for agesss!" gia drawn out at the end as that got everyone giggling, including alania, who gia noticed shortly after 

"alania!" gia rushed over to the other blonde girl and gave her a hug 

and then, it was time for the all-important surprise. the main surprise, her dad nicky! 

~

it had been quickly decided that georgina would tell the wives and husband of the other three westlife lads, gillian, jodi and cailean. just so they knew that pressley was home surprising nicky and that they could tell their kids as well. and this was so the last surprise was nicky and then pressley's uncles, kian, mark and shane. 

and, it worked out because they decided to go out to dinner for nicky's birthday and immediately, georgina wanted to take some group shots, some family shots and then during the shots of nicky with his westlife bandmates, pressley quickly slid in standing behind her dad with her arms around him. and this was the funniest thing because, nicky just smiled, not hesitating to rest his hands over the top of the hands that were his daughter's, not that he knew that. which made georgina giggle but managed to keep it quiet enough that nicky didn't question it and the photos continued. that was until georgina showed nicky, kian, shane and mark the photos. it didn't take kian, shane and mark long to realise that pressley had joined them for the photo and was the person with their arms around nicky but kept quiet so their best friend could get surprised without it being ruined. 

and it wasn't because moments later, nicky looked at the photo again. his eyes wide and then turned around to see his eldest daughter, pressley standing right behind him, with her best friend alania behind her filming the reunion. 

"pressley?! what on earth are you doing here?!" nicky's voice shook as he stood up out of his seat at the restaurant and pulled his eldest in for a hug as pressley giggled 

"you aren't as subtle with your birthday wishes, like always!" pressley simply said as she hugged her dad as tightly as she could, feeling like she could finally breathe properly now that she was finally reunited with her whole family again 

pressley made everyone laugh with her comment as nicky couldn't help but laugh at it either as he nodded his head in agreement, "i'm never subtle, pressley!" he mumbled as it was obvious to pressley that her dad could breathe properly again now that his family was back together again 

after one more tight squeeze, pressley then moved to her three uncles, mark, shane and kian to give them hugs since it was clear they were also surprised, even though they noticed her in the background first. 

after nicky had composed himself from the shock that was the surprise of his eldest daughter coming home after four years away in australia, he felt like he was ready to have an actual conversation with his daughter again. 

hugging her again, nicky spoke up, "did you just get home today?" nicky chuckled, wiping away a tear as pressley giggled 

"yeah, me and alania landed today, we were just two of very few that were allowed to leave, we'll still have to go back at some point for our graduation but, hopefully by then it'll be less restricted," pressley explained as nicky nodded his head in understanding as he smiled at alania who he then stood up to give a hug to as she still filmed 

alania smiled, "hey nicky, happy birthday!" nicky gave her a kiss on the head which made alania blush slightly 

"hey alania, welcome back darling and thank you, it is a happy birthday," nicky chuckled as alania smiled back with a head nod, understanding that it was easily his best birthday with all of his children home with him 

after a few more photos that had been taken outside of the father and daughter and everyone else, their group had finally picked out what they wanted to eat and ordered it. 

~

after the fantastic birthday dinner and even more fantastic birthday cake for nicky, videos and photos from the birthday was posted everywhere. including posts from her parents and uncles but, she still hadn't posted any but, because they had just come back home, pressley finally posted for her dad's birthday. just so those who didn't know the girl had come home (not that anyone did), wouldn't freak out thinking the girl had forgotten to post or acknowledge her father's 44th birthday. 

liked by nickybyrneinsta, georginaahernbyrne, shanefilanofficial, kianegan, alaniacallahan and 7k others

pressleybyrne happy 44 daddy, you still look absolutely fire even though you're no longer in your twenties 🤍

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nickybyrneinsta you are never gonna let me live this down are you? 

nickybyrneinsta seriously though pressley, thank you so much, this was the best birthday i could have ever dreamt of having 🤍

pressleybyrne nickybyrneinsta it was my pleasure dad, i'm glad i could give you your birthday wish 🤍

georginaahernbyrne the look on your father's face when he realised it was you in the photo, and not just some random person with their arms around him is always going to be priceless

pressleybyrne georginaahernbyrne i know! that was my fear as well that he'd turn around to tell me to get the heck off him but, he didn't! 

shanefilanofficial i have to say pressley, how on earth are you going to top this birthday present? in all seriousness though, nicky's reaction was priceless! 

pressleybyrne shanefilanofficial honestly uncle shane, i have got no clue whatsoever so, i think i may need some help for the first time in forever! and, i know, i can't stop watching the video! 

kianegan i've never seen your dad so shocked before! you are for sure the queen of surprising people for their birthdays, lemme tell you that, pressley! 

pressleybyrne kianegan thank uncle kian, i honestly haven't either! and thank you, thank you, however, i think i may start asking for help after this year! 

alaniacallahan lol, "you still look fire even though you're no longer in your twenties", what a slow burn that is for your old man, press! 

pressleybyrne alaniacallahan hahaha, you know i had to do it, alania! 

markusmoments nicky's reaction was the best i had ever seen in ages! 

pressleybyrne markusmoments it really was! he was not expecting it at all! 

jodialbert your old man's reaction to you being home was the sweetest in the world! 

pressleybyrne jodialbert i know, it was so adorable! 

caileano what the fuck are you going to do for your dad's 45th next year?! there is no way you could top this! 

pressleybyrne caileano i have got no idea! and i agree, i don't know if i am able to top this! 

gillianfilansligo the fbi couldn't have planned this any better and neither could the gardai!

pressleybyrne gillianfilansligo i agree aunty gillian! 

westlifertwo omg i'm gonna cry! i was so worried you had forgotten about your dad's birthday, press! you were just on your way to surprise him, i'm gonna cry! 

pressleybyrne westlifertwo don't cry, you'll make me cry! and don't worry, i'd never forget my dad's birthday because i was just on my way to surprise him! 

just as pressley thought she had the most perfect day surprising her dad and family for her dad's birthday, she never imagined she'd be talked about in a goss.ie article about how she surprised her dad. but, she did and it happened and it was posted and she was obsessed over it for the next couple of days.

goss.ie

PRESSLEY BYRNE, DAUGHTER OF WESTLIFE LEGEND NICKY BYRNE HAS COME HOME FROM UNIVERSITY IN QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA AFTER FOUR YEARS TO SURPRISE HER DAD FOR HIS 44TH BIRTHDAY AT BIRTHDAY DINNER

MAIREAD O'HALLORAN | EDITOR OCTOBER 8, 2022 

pressley byrne, the eldest daughter of westlife member nicky byrne and his wife georgina byrne, gave her father the biggest surprise and ultimately, the best birthday present ever for his 44th birthday. and it was when she surprised him during a birthday dinner for his birthday as the band has a small break in the middle of their wild dreams tour. 

the twenty-year-old is a university student studying for a bachelor's degree in film and television all the way in brisbane, queensland, australia where she had been the last four years, two of them due to the coronavirus pandemic. it was mentioned in a video taken by pressley's family friend, alania callahan, who is a fellow film and television university student with pressley, that the two girls were two of very few given permission to fly home by the university of queensland for her dad's birthday which is what inspired her to surprise her father for this 44th birthday. 

pressley byrne and her childhood best friend, alania callahan in brisbane, australia | pic: instagram/pressleybyrne 

in pressley's instagram post for her dad's 44th birthday, she posts three photos. one of her with her father at a restaurant, a photo of her all dressed up for the dinner and then another photo of her at the airport, taken by alania callahan, who is a very well known friend to the entire byrne family, not just pressley. and this is due to the relationship alania's parents has with pressley's grandfather, bertie ahern, former irish prime minister. 

her caption reads: "happy 44 daddy, you still look absolutely fire even though you're no longer in your twenties 🤍" which is a very simple caption for the byrne girl as she is usually the one to write paragraphs for occasions like her family members' birthdays and days like mothers and fathers day. however, the eldest byrne daughter didn't forget the little slow burn that she always gives her dad for every birthday post. this year mentioning that he is no longer in his twenties but still looks absolutely fire. but, it seems as though she wanted to keep it short, sweet and simple since she did surprise him at dinner in front of so many people after it was shown she had surprised the rest of her family. 

pressley gillian byrne is the eldest daughter of nicky and georgina byrne, born in 2003 when westlife was in what was very well known to be their prime as a band but just before they would become the westlife we all know and love today as a four-piece. pressley is the older sister to nicky and georgina's three other children, rocco bertie, jay nicky and gia byrne. at the beginning of little pressley's life, there were tons of rumours about how people thought that pressley couldn't dare be the daughter of nicky and georgina since they weren't even married, only getting engaged the christmas the year prior in 2002. however, it was indeed confirmed by louis walsh, westlife's manager and bertie ahern, georgina's dad and nicky's father-in-law that georgina was pregnant with her and nicky's first baby. causing only a mild controversy, everyone cheered in the excitement that nicky was becoming a father. then, when pressley was born, everyone rejoiced that little pressley gillian was healthy and then in august of 2003, pressley's parents got married in france when she was only a few months old. 

pressley byrne | pic: instagram/pressleybyrne 

it had been four years since nicky, georgina, rocco, jay and gia had seen their daughter and older sister and since the rest of the westlife family had seen their niece and cousin. as previously mentioned, pressley had been in queensland, australia studying at their university for a degree in film and television because she had always loved acting and performing. the university of queensland is also where her childhood best friend alania callahan studied with her. 

alania, who gave me permission to talk with her, said that she's been friends with pressley and the entire byrne family ever since she could remember. because one day, during an event that bertie ahern was hosting, both alania and pressley's parents were attending the event and met, hitting it off straight away with each other. so, since that day the byrne's and callahan's met, the friendship continued and then moved on to their children, which is how pressley and alania's friendship became so strong. alania was also not one to hide or shy away from her love for her best friend's dad and his band, westlife when i questioned her on their friendship and the families relationship. she explained that being friends with nicky and georgina byrne feels like she has an extra set of parents, especially considering that nicky and georgina are the godparents of alania and alania's parents, gina and alexander callahan are the godparents of pressley, it only makes sense for alania to mention that to us in our conversation with her. 

in the comments of pressley's post for her dad's birthday, alania said quote, "lol, "you still look fire even though you're no longer in your twenties", what a slow burn that is for your old man, press!" which clearly indicates the love that alania not only has for her best friend pressley but also for her best friends dad nicky. and pressley responded back saying quote, "hahaha, you know i had to do it, alania!" which clearly states that it's now become a tradition for pressley to roast her dad at least once during her birthday posts for her dad. which is the way that pressley shows love to her dad that's just special to the father and daughter. 

talking further with alania, she talked about her first memory with pressley byrne at a westlife concert back in 2012, at croke park which was also the band's final show until their reunion in 2019, saying quote: "i remember the first ever time i was front row at a westlife concert, it was back in 2012 at croker for westlife's final ever gig on the 23rd of june and it was the encore. so, we had all just bawled our eyes out through their farewell speeches and you raise me up when me, pressley, some other family members, as well as the westwives of kian, shane and nicky since mark was single at the time, were in front of the barricade in the front row since we were originally up in the boxes near the back where the "w" stage was in the middle of the stadium. and their first song of the encore was world of our own and we were just jamming, having the times of our lives, turning around to see gillian, jodi and georgina having the time of their lives as they all sang and danced to world of our own. holding each other, bless, and then the song finishes and, i then realised, they hadn't played flying without wings yet [...] i was devastated because it's my favourite song of theirs only to realise that the instrumental of the next song was indeed flying without wings when all of a sudden, the previous mood that was happy and joyful just, died all of a sudden and i could see the tears building in pressley's eyes as well as gina's, gillian's and jodi's and i just felt my own heart collapse..." 

continuing with a giggle, thinking she sounds insane which, i immediately tell her she doesn't, "...and pressley starts to cry because basically, straight away, within a few minutes of shane starting to sing flying, kian's basically bawling his eyes out only for me to turn next to me to see that jodi, who was literally cradling gillian and georgina on each side of her, was also bawling her eyes out which made kian absolutely lose it and bawl his eyes out. and, i could barely look at pressley during the whole thing because i knew how difficult this was and we were only like, seven give or take so, we were having a lot of "big" feelings as it's now known for such small little girls that it was truly overwhelming but unforgettable. and, seeing nicky and pressley run up to each other afterwards as they cried together was heartbreaking and so bittersweet because i could tell how much both nicky and pressley were going to miss daddy being in westlife," 

pressley byrne and alania callahan in brisbane, australia | pic: instagram/pressleybyrne 

alania then talked to me more about her friendship with pressley and the byrne's which, if you guys are lucky, will be released publically soon. also mentioning that she is excited to go back to brisbane, queensland with pressley so they can graduate together and then come back home to focus on some musical auditions. she also mentioned however that she's glad to be coming back home with her best friend and glad to be spending time with her best friend's family after being away for so long due to the coronavirus pandemic. in which kept them from coming home a year earlier like supposed to, having to rely on facetime and phone calls to keep in touch. 

welcome home pressley and alania, congratulations on finishing your bachelor's degrees and we cannot wait to see you guys performing on stage very soon! 

and, of course, we cannot forget, the happiest 44th birthday to nicky byrne, we hope you had the best birthday ever and hope you enjoy the rest of the wild dreams tour. 

for those wanting last-minute tickets for any of westlife's remaining shows for their wild dreams tour, check out their website or their social media for any announcements they may post about adding new tour dates. 

fin

oof love it when i include a cheeky article in my fics!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

"we got to get her out of here, okay? it's really cold in here for her and I just don't--" 💔

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!reader

summary : nicky's wife lennon byrne, a police officer with the gardai is murdered in cold blood. nicky is then called after a westlife concert and has to visit the coroner's office to identify/see the body for the first time. 

warnings : depressing, grief, grieving husband, widower, character death, hysterical crying

a/n : i have written this one-shot twice before and it's a lot different to be writing it for someone like nicky but, because he has mentioned that after he left leeds united, he applied to be in the garda, i thought what if he had a wife or partner in the garda (irish police) that passed away in the line of fire during work. italics will be used and the present time will be written in the normal font. it'll also be written in lowercase

her body, from head to toe, was shutting down, slowing itself as were all of her vital organs. the exact ones that were usually so good at keeping her alive during moments of immense panic. she was trying so hard to breathe in and out but she couldn't. laying on the ground, in the muddy grassy field she couldn't help but pray and hope that help was on its way. that was if help had even been called since she was no longer with her garda partner. every time she tried to breathe in, she'd start choking and gurgling on the blood that was rising up in her throat from the gunshot wound to her stomach. and this was due to the fact that she was lying down on the floor as though she was paralyzed.

trying to keep her eyes open, she tried so hard to stay alive. even though she knew that in a matter of minutes, maybe seconds, she would be dead. because, even with every piece of garda training she went through, nothing would ever really prepare her for a moment like this. this was when irish gardai officer, lennon byrne's phone started to ring again. this wasn't the first time her phone had rung though since earlier on, before this happened, she was on the phone to her husband before she hung up on him mid-gunshot. as she moaned in pain at her incoming death, she just as about looked at her phone one last time, looking at the contact photo of her husband, nicky byrne as it flashed up on her iphone. the photo was of the two of them laughing as nicky had tried to go in for a kiss on lennon's lips. however, he had missed her lips entirely whilst their twin boys, rocco and jay, who were only a few months old and their daughter aurelia, aged sixteen were seen in the background. the twins and aurelia were also pictured, just like their parents, laughing at their silly antics. all of this was happening whilst tears, blood, sweat and every other bodily fluid bubbled in lennon's throat and down her face. this was when she came to the fate that she was going to die and that no one was going to find her. and, this for some reason gave peace to lennon. even though she and nicky had just become new and first-time parents to their aforementioned twin boys, rocco and jay who were only a few months old, making sixteen-year-old aurelia an older sister for the first time. due to the fact that sixteen-year-old aurelia byrne was born from a previous relationship of her mothers. and, for some reason, lennon never thought that during her time as a garda that she'd die like this, on the wet, dewey, muddy field of grass looking up at the beautiful irish night sky. a huge gunshot wound overflowing with blood in the middle of her abdominal-stomach area. lennon had no clue that she got accidentally tangled with an iilegal drug trade at the border.

she was never told that important piece of information in the brief of her and her partners case. all the information they were given was that they were just driving to the border to deliever clean bottled water to a different gardai crew who were finishing up a more serious case. with lennon's breathing starting to slow, so did her panic and worry of dying. her entire life from a little girl to the first time she met her husband to then watching them get married to then having aurelia and then rocco and jay along with all the other happy moments she spent with the rest of nicky's bandmates and their partners played through her mind as though it was a mini highlight reel of her life - which it was.

this put her at ease, she found herself taking her last breath, a smile on her face with her eyes focused upon the gorgeous irish night sky. her eyes fluttered shut as though she was just falling asleep and she wasn't bleeding out, covered in sweat, tears and various other fluids. she was calm and at rest even though the way to this moment was anything but calming and restful.

back at the point depot in dublin, nicky couldn't contain his worry. thankful though, for the fact that westlife were even in dublin, let alone ireland, for a concert. meaning that he was closer to home than he would be if he was in england or europe. this then inadvertently meant that the least of his worries was having to get on a plane to rush home to his wife. however, it still worried him that his wife didn't pick up the phone call after the first time she called originally. this made him think that she was in trouble - of course it did. this entire sitution gave nicky a feeling that he didn't want to trust or worry about. but, he knew due to his wife's job as a gardai, he always had to worry about every and any phone call he could receive from his wife, boss or work partner. that phone call and missed phone call genuinely gave nicky the heebie-jeebies but because he was at his concert venue with the band, he desperately tried to forget about it.

it gave him the complete full body shivers to think about the possibility of something bad happening to his wife whilst she was at work. especially when all of her cases lately had been rather tame and nothing too scary. which then sent another full body shiver down nicky's spine, giving him the thought of why would his wife call him while she's on shift if nothing was wrong?

this was when nicky's phone started to ring again. the number was from the dublin city coroner's court in regards to a body that needed indentifying. however, obviously, just from a number, nicky didn't know that immediately like his wife was able to. in nicky's mind, it was just an unknown number that had rung him but, truthfuly, he did assume that it was a law enforcement/government official number. so, it gave him all the wrong feelings that it was the coroner's office.

for a moment, nicky was confused why they would need him when it was his wife that was the garda. why would nicky need to identify someone...his blood then grew cold as his eyes began to water and he started to feel sick in the pit of his stomach.

what if that gut feeling was because of that strange phone call he received from lennon. what if something bad had indeed happened to his wife?

"...hello, am i speaking to a mr...nicohlas byrne?" the male on the other side of the phoneline queried

this made nicky's anxiety anything but better about where his wife was, "umm, yes...yes, this is he. who...who am i speaking with, sorry?" nicky stammered out in confusion and worry, his heart beating out of his chest - just hoping it was the gardai or--

"--this is the dublin city coroner's court, sir. a lady in her early to late 20s has just been brought in to us and we're still unsure about her identity. but with the information we received, we found out that you are an emergency contact. we're just asking for you to come down so you can identify this woman. this is because as of right now, you sir, are our only possible lead as to who this woman is," the man spoke softly and with empathy

nicky felt as though he had been thrown to the floor and kicked in the stomach. his breath was gone in a second as he then realised, the woman from what he had been told wasn't a garda - maybe he wouldn't be identifying his wife after all.

"oh...oh, okay, yeah of...of course! i...i'll be on my way soon i just gotta--"

"--oh, sir, wait, before i forget, sorry, was the woman brought into the coroner's office a garda officer?" nicky stammered out

completely out of his dressing room now, showed his manager, louis, his phone with the now shown coroner's phone number. immediately, no questions asked, louis allowed nicky to grab his things. also letting the other three, shane, kian and mark go with him. not having a single care in the world that the four men had a show to put on.

the other man on the other end of the phone then responded with a soft gasp of remembrance, "ahh, that's what i had forgotten. i am so sorry mr byrne, the woman that's been brought into the examiner's office was indeed mentioned to be a garda officer. and now, i think we have a firm belief as to who it is. hence why you've been our first point of contact, so please be careful mr byrne. we will see you when you arrive, thank you for your time," the man spoke as he then hung up to do what nicky assumed was to ring the other three emergency contacts of who he didn't know was his own wife, lennon

because, all of a sudden, nicky didn't seem too worried. he had suddenly remembered a rule in regards to what happens when a gardai officer dies whilst they are in active service. the rule is or was that the first person called is not the wife/husband/parent of the officer but the last person to be contacted. so, because of nicky remembering this rule that was actually switched to the wife/husband/parent being called first, his worry and anxiety of him being told his wife had been killed in active duty just slipped away.

so, because of this, nicky went straight to autopilot thinking it was lennon's partner, elliot that had died. as soon as the phone line went dead, nicky rushed to his car, shane joining him whilst kian and mark went in mark's big car. mark driving right behind nicky as they sped down to the coroner's office, the two of them most likely breaking a ton of road rules. all the while just hoping that the person he was going to identify wasn't someone he was related to, let alone elliot or his own wife. and even then, he'd still be confused and equally as heartbroken as to who this person would be and why he'd be an unknown garda's emergency contact since he was already elliot's second point of contact after his own wife. in the same way that elliot's wife was the second point of contact of lennon after nicky.

as nicky, shane, kian and mark arrived at the dublin city coroner's court, they all stepped out of their cars. nicky now feeling dizzy and stressed out.

"nico, man, what's going on, do you know?" shane approached his nervous bandmate and best friend as he notices him shake his head no

shane, kian and mark watched as panic seeped through nicky's eyes as shane's jaw tightened. it seemed as though shane already figured it out who it was that needed identifying, kian and mark as well.

the four bandmates who were best friends leaned against mark's big car, nicky's mind starting to wander. he tried to think up of all the people in his wife's squardron that had him as their emergency contact other than elliot. as he wracked his brain, by the time he fully remembered that he was his own wife's first point of contact, a voice that sounded like the man who rang nicky was heard from the front door of the building. this voice had caught the band's attention.

"...mr byrne...they're ready for you," the man who had rung nicky opened the door, shivers spreading through the body's of nicky and his bandmates

this threw nicky back to the strange phone call from lennon. it truthfully just gave him the creeps and rightfully so.

"we love you nico, it's gonna be okay!" kian spoke softly as he placed his hand on the shoulder of his older best friend

turning around, nicky nodded his head before turning back to the examiner and walked into the coroner's office.

only shane had followed the examiner and nicky into the office. kian and mark waiting outside since they didn't want to crowd the office or overwhelm nicky. besides, shane had offered on the ride there since he was nicky and lennon's other point of contact after each other. shane was best friends with lennon so to even think that they were possibly having to identify his best friend's wife's dead body haunted him and they hadn't even been shown the body yet. they hadn't even been escorted into the exam room yet. shane had been in nicky's dressing room originally when the first phone call from lennon was given to nicky and he was probably feeling that weird feeling again when it hit shane. why else would they be called to the coroner's office and not the hospital if lennon died in a more natural way like a car collision or stroke? because they wouldn't. if it was a stroke or car collision, the call would have come from the hospital.

this now made shane nervous and sick to his stomach as they were then brought into the exam room about to identify the body. the medical examiner and elliot...wait, if it wasn't elliot that nicky and shane needed to identify then who was it...

...no...it couldn't be...no, nicky was asleep...he was just taking a quick nap before the show... it can't be her...but it was...because next to the medical examiner, standing at the head of the body was elliot, the partner of his wife, lennon.

shane noticed the tears that elliot had been and was still crying due to the tear marks on his cheeks. it was clear that this was anyone but elliot's fault because he wasn't crying tears of guilt. he was crying tears of losing his best friend who just happened to be his work partner.

it was at this moment that shane had to bring nicky out of his haze. especially since it was clear that if they waited any moment longer, it wouldn't get any easier than it already was to have to identify nicky's dead wife. all the examiner needed was a head nod from either nicky or shane for him to shed the sheet that covered lennon. but, it was nicky's confirming head nod that the examiner knew for sure that it was time for them to identify the already known body of his wife, the dead garda officer that had been found.

almost immediately, nicky's entire body locked as he fell forward against the pulled out shelving unit that had his dead wife laying on.

once he realised that it wasn't elliot he needed to identify, tears immediately filled his eyes as he tried to memorise every single piece of his wife. it was his wife that he needed to identify for the coroners, not elliot. it didn't take shane any longer than it took nicky to realise who it was they needed to identify. just like nicky did when he saw elliot, shane immediately realised who they had been called in to identify.

without realising he was doing it, shane started to move his body over to the far wall as he watched his best friend become a widower and single father within minutes. nicky had become a widower and single father to aurelia, rocco and jay within ten minutes from the phone call to the drive from the point depot to the coroner's office. ten minutes it had taken for nicky to lose his whole entire world in the woman that was his wife and the mother to his three kids.

straight away, nicky lost his composure. of course he did. how couldn't he? he wept, whimpered and wailed like never heard before as they echoed across the small office to the parking lot where kian and mark could hear it. hearing his wails gave mark and kian all the information they needed to know that it was indeed lennon that was being identified. nicky then started to lean against the cold, metal shelving unit to keep himself steady so he wouldn't collapse to his knees.

he just couldn't seem to make sense of this entire situation his head. he couldn't understand as to who would do something like this to his wife, the woman who had just given birth a couple of months ago to their fraternal twins. even then, what did they do to his wife? the examiner didn't even mention it as it had been decided that it would be more efficient to have them identify who it was before revealing the cause of death.

"oh...oh my go...gosh!" nicky wailed as he panicked, what had even happened to his wife?

what was she even doing? why didn't she ring him back the second time he had called? he had so many questions going through his mind but not enough clarity to sort through them all. he couldn't focus on anything but the fact that he wasn't going to allow himself to collapse to his knees on that floor.

"i...i got-gotta call my-my family! got to call...oh, aurelia...rocco...jay...our babies!" nicky whimpered, sniffling as he found himself falling into hysteria at the fact he was now all on his own

this was the moment it truly, properly hit nicky that he had lost the love of his life and that his three kids had lost their mother. and the thing that shattered nicky's heart even more was the fact that they had no clue at all. the twins not even old enough to comprehend their mummy not being here anymore and aurelia just getting old enough to truly comprehend the possibility of her mum not being here anymore.

it tore shane's heart into pieces to hear nicky collapsing into hysteria and grief as shane struggled as it was himself. lennon had just given birth to rocco and jay and had only just returned back to work with the gardai after maternal leave.

"we...we got to get her out of here, okay?" nicky panicked, not willing to accept the news that lennon was dead as shane could only watch

shane's own tears unwillingly streaming down his cheeks ever so quietly, nicky's wails the only ones heard.

"it's really cold in here for her and i just don't--"

"--doctor, *sniffles*, sir umm how...how did lennon die? what...what happened?" shane blurts as a way to calm nicky down knowing he wouldn't be able to ask himself

this being the moment that kian and mark knew they couldn't wait outside any longer. neither of them caring that they were potentially crowding the small viewing room. they just couldn't stand by any longer, they had to be inside of that viewing room and comforting their distraught best friend.

"now that it has been verified that the body is lennon byrne, i can now confirm that it was a gunshot wound to her abdominal-stomach area in the midsection that was her ultimate cause of death. the gardai are now building a formal investigation as to who lennon's killer was and whether or not there was an ulterior motive. or if, as we suspected originally, it was a wrong place right time situation and didn't realise until it was too late. an investigation into whether or not the gardai purposefully put mrs byrne and elliot in a dangerous position that led to her untimely death is also being formed," the examiner spoke softly with a tilt of professionalism as shane nodded his head

nicky at this point was barely able to move let alone tilt his head in an up or down motion. his gutwrenching wails still being the only other thing heard as his legs slowly started to give way. he was starting to heavily rely on applying pressure to the shelving unit to keep himself upright.

it devastated shane, kian and mark just as much as it devastated nicky that they identified lennon's dead body. all their minds were filled with many questions as to what lennon was even doing that caused her to die from a gunshot wound and being so far away from elliot who was completely free from physical harm.

how on god's green earth did she get shot? was she doing something suspicious or that seemed suspicious to the person or people that shot her? was she aware that she was maybe accidentally walking through territory that wasn't her jurisdiction? or was she like the examiner mentioned, in the right place at the wrong time?

but then, a completely different thought went through all of their minds. did the gardai do this on purporse? purposefully send out one of their officers who had just returned from maternity leave and just hope with the pure negligence that she'd come back home safely?

or was this situation like what lennon would show nicky in a crime show when they first started dating and lennon tried to explain to nicky what her job was...even though he didn't need it to be explained since he would've have been a gaurd if the westlife thing hadn't worked out as well as it did.

were the people who shot lennon worried that because she was a uniformed gardai officer but had her personal phone with her, not her professional work phone that she was going to rat them out to elliot and the other on-shift gardai? so many questions yet it seemed as though they were no possible answers to fill the void that nicky no longer had his wife by his side anymore. his children, aurelia, rocco and jay no longer had their mum there to watch them grow up or be there for them when they needed her help when it was something dad couldn't fix.

this whole time of silence, nicky hadn't stopped wailing. it was still loud and just as agonising as before. of course it was, it was a dagger to the hearts of the examiner and his bandmates to hear the greivous wails. it seemed as if despite the amount of tears he was producing, he wasn't ever going to run out. it actually shocked everyone that he was still standing, though it was with the help of the shelving unit that was cold as ice with some of it covered with puddles of dried-up blood that he was leaning on. because, truthfully, they all thought that nicky would have immediately collapsed to his knees. however, they quickly realised that nicky still wanted to have some control over himself and his body if he couldn't control the wails that shook his entire body.

present time 

a little under four months later and the families of lennon were having the righteous funeral for their gardai officer. the reason for the four-month long wait was due to the double investigations that had taken place to figure out who had done it and whether or not the gardai were responsible for the death of one of their officers. finally though, with the long and tiring court process finished, thankfully in favour of the family, lennon's murderer getting the maximum penalty which was life without parole. going back to the investigation regarding the gardai's part of this homicide, they were put under a little bit of fire for their negligence for one of their officers. but most especially for the fact that it wasn't just any regular officer but one that had just returned from maternity leave.

however, that specific court case was ultimately acquitted because it turned out that the commanding officer that put lennon, elliot and the rest of that task force on that case was genuinely told incorrect information. the information that they were just supposed to be giving out water to the other gardai officers, not actually informing them of the dangers of the case that the other task force was handlin. it was someone else within the gardai, in a higher position in the ranks that was sentenced and found guilty of negligence, not lennon's commanding officer.

but, once that was done and all the stress from that was over, that was when they could finally organize the funerals. and yes, there was two funerals. the first one was a state police funeral because of the fact that lennon was an officer within the gardai and she was on active duty when she got killed. and the second one was the one that had just finished. the first one was planned by the gardai and the second one was planned by the two families, the byrne's and the ahern's, the families of nicky and lennon.

at both funerals, nicky gave a eulogy for his wife and they were both heartbreaking and beautiful. mentioning that he had been in love with lennon since they were twelve. also mentioning that whilst he was terrified of being a single father to aurelia, rocco and jay, he was confident in knowing that he had the support from not only his and lennon's family, his westlife family but also the family of lennon's gardai station. this was when mentioned in elliot's eulogy that was said straight after nicky's at the state funeral and reiterated again at the private funeral that had just ended.

due to being a singer and needing inspiration, this experience and heartache was then turned into a song that later became featured in a new westlife album. it was a love letter to his wife, and a future love letter to the kids when they were older. nicky wrote another song which was the story of his and lennon's love story so he could sing it to the kids if they ever forgot their mummy. the best thing about the song being the band had included little voice memos and audios of lennon singing within the background of the song and then a verse of just lennon's voice so the kids would never forget the sound of their mummy's voice.

during the service, nicky just wished he was somewhere completely different. course he did, why would he purposefully choose to be in a funeral home when he could be on the world stages in any country he wanted to. but, he couldn't do that. he couldn't run away. not from his kids after they had just experienced the loss of their mum. he knew he couldn't hide away from the truth of his wife's loss. he knew he couldn't run away from his kids to hide his cries so, he didn't. he sat up at the front of the church, aurelia sitting next to him with jay asleep in her arms and rocco asleep in his arms as he wept as he farewelled his wife and the mother to his kids.

✧ ೃ༄ ｡･:*˚:✧✧ ೃ༄ ｡･:*˚:✧✧ ೃ༄ ｡･:*˚:✧✧ ೃ༄ ｡･:*˚:✧✧ ೃ༄ ｡･:*˚:✧

sitting in silence, the byrne, ahern and families of the westlife members just twiddled their thumbs or trying to distract themselves in any other way that wasn't twiddling their thumbs. the silence was then broken by lennon's sister georgina ahern, the girl speaking up as she took notice of the way everyone made eye contact with her.

"...lennon would totally be saying a joke right now because she hates awkward silences," she spoke bluntly, trying to keep her voice airy, everyone looking at the girl to continue

"umm, okay, yeah, joke sorry...what did the ghost say to the bee?" she almost smirked as she regained her composure, everyone shrugging their shoulders not knowing the punchline

"boo, bee," she struggled to keep her laughter in which made nicky, her brother-in-law, who was still in tatters tearfully giggle

"what...what's brown and sticky?" cecelia, another one of lennon's sisters spoke up with a small giggle as immediately, georgina rolled her eyes at her sister's dad joke

"a stick," the sisters said at the same exact time, cecelia giggling softly whilst georgina was monotone, a joking roll of her eyes, her smile sad and small

"what kind of music do chiropracters like? hip pop" nicky spoke up tearfully with a chuckle as the room filled with giggles

not all the giggles were identical. some were tearful, others wholehearted, a couple were nervously laughing but it didn't matter. all that mattered was there was still laughter filling up the room which was a good step in all of their grieving processes.

"that was awful, nico. lennon would not have been impressed by that at all," georgina whispered, glad that her brother-in-law was with his kids again

for context, the aherns had been taking care of aurelia, rocco and jay during the four months during the double investigations and court proceedings.

speaking of the kids, aurelia noticed the way her dad's face changed. it was like a switch had been flicked and he was suddenly teary. it was clear that to aurelia, nicky had become overwhelmed with everything going on around him. especially with this being the second funeral for his wife and mother of his three kids, aurelia being one of them.

"dad, are you okay?" aurelia decided to ask, nicky pulled out of his stupor and nodded his head

"uh...yeah, i'm-i'm fine! i just need some fresh air, alright baby?" nicky stammered out as aurelia nodded her head

"yeah, sure daddy, that's fine," aurelia's tone of voice was filled with worry, there was clearly something wrong with her dad but she didn't know what

as nicky stumbled out of the gathering room everyone was in, it felt as though he could finally get a breath of air into his lungs. for a while, it felt serene for nicky in the fields of the funeral home. until nicky felt a breeze passing against his cheek and what sounded like little bells in his ears.

turning around, he heard what he thought was a female voice, "can't walk out on them like that..." and it was a female voice but it just wasn't any female voice

it was lennon's voice. and nicky thought he was going crazy and he probably was as he furiously looked behind him just in case he had been followed. when he saw no one was behind him, he spoke up.

"...i...i don't want them seeing me like this," nicky sniffled as lennon's ghost softened from her stern facial features from before

"well they're in pain too, and the only way through it is with them," lennon begged as nicky wept, turning his head to the side

"this wasn't part of the plan, you...you weren't supposed to die," nicky's voice shook from his cries

"it happened and the only thing that matters now is helping our kids. i need you to promise me that you're gonna be there for them," lennon's voice was exasperated as nicky still found it difficult to keep eye contact with the ghost of his wife

"i don't know how. lennon, i don't know what to do," nicky sniffled, if anything, he didn't know how to take care of the twins, he was perfectly capable of taking care of aurelia and lennon knew that

"do your best," lennon spoke for one last time before fading away

but, because nicky looked away, he didn't see her disappear until he looked back over at the spot where her ghost was. it threw him off slightly at what he just saw and heard. the fact the ghost of his wife had returned, telling him off for running out on his family but then soothing him and comforting him was a solace for nicky.

by the time nicky had started his journey back into the funeral home, he could hear footsteps. it was clear that just like him, this moment was very overwhelming someone else. it wasn't until he noticed the striking ginger hair that he realised it was his daughter, aurelia. it was clear that her brothers were being taken care of, either by one of the westlife guys or one of the aherns which gave her the opportunity to run away outside.

as she ran outside, it was then that aurelia felt as though she could finally let go and just cry. her cries were almost as loud as her dad's were when he had to identify lennon's body at the examiner's office. wrapping her arms around herself as a form of self-protection, she had no idea that nicky had found her. and it was due to her own cries sounding in her ears that she hadn't realised her dad had come to look for her let alone find her, though accidentally. she thought she was slicker than a buttered otter since her dad was already outside and it seemed as though everyone else was preoccupied with the twins. however, apparently, aurelia cannot be secretive and slick around her dad as much as she likes to think she is.

aurelia was about to turn around from her little breakdown to go back inside, only to look up and match the tearful eyes of her dad.

no words were even needed to let nicky know that his daughter really wasn't as okay as she had made everyone believe she was. it was clear to nicky at this point that in aurelia's world, it felt as though everything was crashing around and on top of her all at once and today was her breaking point. she couldn't keep it in any longer but she didn't want to be in the presence of her family. just like her dad, but especially didn't want to have her breakdown in front of her dad because of how painful it would be for him to witness it. so, in aurelia's mind, the only smart option to her was to cry alone where no one could see or hear her.

"aurelia?" nicky only whispered before his daughter broke again, falling into her dad's frame as he immediately pulled his daughter into his arms

"i...i can't...it...it hurts so much dad...why did mum die?" aurelia panicked, the same way which nicky himself panicked that day four months ago in the examiner's office whilst aurelia and the twins were non the wiser

"i know it hurts ellie. it hurts like hell and truthfully it'll feel like that for a while, that was your mum, i'm never going to lie to ye. and, she...she died because it was a situation of right place at the wrong time. she had veered away from uncle elliot and she got caught in the crossfire of a drug deal gone wrong. the drug dealers at the field where elliot found her mum had noticed she was walking towards them. your mum, obviously oblivious to what was going on in front of her because she thought she'd be meeting up with the other group of gardai, when they saw her uniform and the phone in her hand, they thought she was going to rat them out to her fellow officers and possibly me. not like i'd be able to do anything but, they thought that because of the phone in her hand, that they'd get caught. and, because of that, they thought the best way to stop that possible scenario from happening was to essentially eliminate her so, that...that's what they did," nicky's voice shook towards the end, that had been the first time in months that he had explained to his daughter how her mum had died

"why are we so unlucky?" aurelia whimpered as she hugged her dad tight and he scoffed, sniffing as a tear of his hit aurelia's cheek

"i'm not so sure love but, i think this is where our luck turns around," nicky muttered, only hoping that he didn't just straight up lie to himself or his daughter

"how are you so sure?" aurelia whimpered again as she took a deep breath in, nicky doing the same before making eye contact with his daughter

"because darling, the shooter, whilst showing utter remorse and guilt for the murder of your mummy, is in jail for as long as he shall live as is the person high up in the gardai for even instructing mummy's commander to give her and elliot that task. even though we did forgive them both, they are both still responsible and still took away the life of an innocent gardai officer who was just doing what she was simply told to do. but, ellie, just know that i'm not going anywhere and i'm always going to protect you and the twins. even if i end up say, falling in love with someone else, you and the twins will always be an important piece of me as will mum's family and they will always be loved by me and i'll always call them my family, you understand ellie?" nicky was stern with his daughter in the knowledge that even though he may fall in love with another girl after the loss of his first wife, that the family of his first wife will never be forgotten as his first

and that was something that aurelia was pleased to hear as well as something that georgina, cecelia and the rest of the ahern family would appreciate. because no matter what, nicky will always be their brother and son-in-law and the aunty's, uncle's and grandparents to his kids. and that was because they needed it right now during this time of grieving, it was needed more than ever.

"i understand daddy. i'm glad that mummy's family will still stay ours no matter what happens even without mum with us," aurelia whispered nicky clenched his jaw as he held his daughter tightly

then the father and daughter both broke down into tears as they stood in the wooded area for what felt like an eternity. when in reality, it was almost an hour before georgina and cecelia, alongside rocco and jay, had come out to look for their niece, brother-in-law and dad. only to find the two of them still crying their eyes out as the six of them embraced. cecelia giving nicky rocco whilst georgina held onto jay. the second they got into the group hug, it seemed as though the tears didn't stop as nicky held his twin boys tight after georgina carefully gave him jay.

the four remaining byrne's cried over their mum and wife, the sisters crying over their sister and over the fact that they'd never see her smile, hear her laugh, hear her sing in the kitchen or play with their dog keano. they cried over the fact that dad nicky was a lot more vulnerable without mum than when she was alive. and they cried over the fact that rocco and jay would have to grow up without their mum and have little to no memories of her and only very few photos of the five of them as a family. whilst aurelia had also lost her mum too, it was obvious to her and everyone else that most of those tears were for the twins since aurelia had sixteen years whereas the twins only had months. this meant that when nicky cries over lennon, the twins won't be able to understand why since they're still babies and won't really be able to comfort their dad or understand why they are. they also cried over the fact that the only things they have left of their mum, wife and sister are the videos and photos of memories that were gonna spare a lifetime but were still not enough in the means of never getting new videos and photos of her with her children and husband.

"dad?" aurelia speaks up, her voice raw and scratchy from her crying

"yeah, ellie?" nicky speaks up as well, his voice also hoarse from the tears, his arms tight around his little rocco

"are you okay to go back to work, to westlife?" aurelia's soft words brought comfort to nicky that had never happened before as he found himself slightly smiling at his daughter's question

"yeah, i am darling. it's been four months, your uncles need me back for interviews and things. if you wish and want to, i'm sure it wouldn't be a problem if i could bring you and the boys with me if that's what worries you," nicky smiled softly as his daughter smiles and the faces of his sisters-in-law, ceceliaa and georgina light up as if all their previous grief slipped away

jay getting handed over to nicky so he could cuddle both of his boys at the same time was soothing nicky as well as it was soothing rocco and jay. because aurelia was so caught up in getting hugged by her dad and brothers, georgina spoke up.

"that sounds perfect, nicky. you were already an amazing father to aurelia and the twins but you'll be an even better father to them with the assistance of the westlife lads," georgina smiled as did cecelia, nodding their heads in agreement as nicky smiled back

"thank you g and cecelia, that means a lot," nicky smiled, trying to escape aurelia's grasp so he could hug georgina and cecelia as he hugged the twins close, taking a deep breath

during this entire conversation, the family had been walking back to the funeral home that they had left hours earlier. sitting down on the steps as they faced each other again and smiled at one another.

"you girls ready to face everyone again, you as well aurelia?" nicky questions his sisters-in-law and daughter as they stay close to one another

georgina holding the hand that aurelia wasn't holding of her dad's as she and cecelia smile down to the ground. they knew there was going to be a lot more tears but that they were hopefully going to be less intrusive.

"i mean, the world continues to turn, right?" aurelia chimes in as nicky smiles at his daughter and nods his head

the father and daughter made eye contact with georgina and cecelia before taking a quick glance at the now-sleeping twins before they decided to head back inside.

"you are correct ellie, the world does continue to turn," nicky smiled making his daughter laugh as they walked back inside with cecelia

georgina however, stalked back but not too far behind as bertie, the father of the ahern sisters stood waiting for them.

"you alright darling?" bertie whispered as he held his daughter georgina tight as she smiled, nodding her head into her father's chest, cecelia getting a hug from their mum

"uh-huh, more than alright dad," she whispered back as her dad smiled, closing his eyes tightly

"that's good babe, but, maybe give nicky another hug? he's not as strong as he thinks he is. he's struggling without lennon's help with aurelia and the twins. he's scared, g. he needs to know we'll still be there even if he does end up with someone else," bertie whispered as georgina nodded her head and walked back over to her brother-in-law

catching him off-gaurd since aurelia had since left to hang out with uncle shane and uncle kian, he was thankful he was now only holding one twin, rocco. nicky's tears seemed to begin again when georgina pulled him in for another hug. this broke georgina's heart all over again as nicky closed his eyes. only wishing for this whole scenario to just be a really bad dream and that he'd be walking back onto that point depot stage and his wife was still alive.

"you sure you're okay, nicky?" georgina whispered softly, asking her brother-in-law again who cried softly, hugging his son rocco closer, the other grip on georgina

"in time," nicky sniffled quietly, letting georgina understand that he was admitting he was terrified as georgina nodded her head in agreement

"in time," georgina repeated because it was true

fin

this was very strange and not at all something that would happen but i just thought what if in an alternate world where nicky whilst in westlife, had a wife that was apart of the irish police force, the gardai and this is what i had come up with.

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

home🫶

pairing : nicky byrne x sister!fem byrne reader

summary : about to go onstage, nicky gets the surprise of his life when his younger sister kenzie surprises him after being away in the military for a few years. 

warnings : military homecoming, happy and sad crying, older brother nicky

a/n : originally i was going to write this as his sister surprising him after sticking her finger in his ear but i decided against it as i didn't like how it was evolving so i stole an old one and decide to rewrite it for nicky. this will be written in lowercase since it just fits the vibe and theme of the one-shot. 

sighing in anxiety and disappointment, nicky chucked his phone back onto the coffee table in his dressing room at the aviva stadium. nothing, once again. statistically speaking though, checking his imessages, emails and his whatsapp every millisecond was not going to show a new message or email. despite knowing that, it didn't stop the westlife singer from checking anyway. even if it was just a single word or emoji he got, that would reduce all of the anxiety that he'd built up in his chest over the last seven years. the last form of communication received from her was via email and it was nearly two weeks ago when westlife's wild dreams tour 2022 was still in rehearsals before their opening show at dublin's aviva stadium. however, the moment he saw the news in regards to what was going on in the middle eastern country in which she had been deployed for the last seven years, made his anxiety and fear shoot through the roof more than normal. all he wanted, all he needed was just one small thing that would reassure him in knowing that his younger sister, army medic kenzie byrne was safe and that she wasn't injured or worst, dead. 

nicky sat in silence in his dressing room when a knock was heard at his door, "hey, nico, you okay?" it was kian, the look on the younger lad's face seemed genuine so, nicky responded to his bandmate 

"hmm?" nicky responded, his head shooting up, chucking his phone back to the coffee table yet again, kian giving him a chilled bottle of water, "oh, i...i'm fine," nicky nodded quickly but it didn't seem to be believable 

"come on, nicky, you can tell me anything. there is something bothering and eating away at you and you need to tell me, mark and shane," kian seemed to have a sixth sense with all of his bandmates and their emotions so, it was obvious to kian that nicky was clearly lying and hiding something 

sure, nicky could, majority of the time, hide his emotions as an emotional person. but, it was very obvious that the new news about what was going on in the middle east, knowing that that was where his military sister was stationed, was scaring him completely. and moments before he was due to be on stage for the opening show of their new tour with westlife didn't do anything to alleviate that anxiety or stress. 

"you have barely taken a single break from your phone since we arrived here at the stadium, what's up? is it about kenzie?" it was obvious how genuinely concerned about nicky kian was but, nicky still tried his hardest at pretending that everything was okay 

"nothing. don't worry, it's...nothing's wrong, i'm fine!" as he tried to argue, taking a gulp from his water bottle, kian huffed in frustration, knowing that the older lad was lying but, didn't want to push it so he didn't which allowed nicky to once again, check his phone 

walking out of nicky's dressing room and into the hallway, he had crossed paths with shane, also after quietly observing nicky, wondered what was wrong with him. 

"what's up with nico? is he okay?" shane quipped softly, his eyebrows furrowing in worry, noticing the slow, shaky breath the older lad had exhaled for yet again, radio silence in the form of knowing whether or not his sister was safe had greeted the lad after checking his phone again (even though the dubliner was once again expecting radio silence)

"i've got no idea but, it's obviously about kenzie but, he won't say anything about it," kian shrugged, seeming quite worried and devastated himself since all of the westlife lads were very close with nicky's younger sister, kenzie 

"i'm sure kenzie is absolutely fine, you two," mark, despite his own anxiety for the older lad, assured his two fellow sligo bandmates, "he's most likely waiting for the military news or he's scrolling through his instagram page," 

"what are we talking about over here?" jodi, georgina and gillian, the wives of kian, nicky and shane suddenly joined the group, jodi and gillian also noticed the strange demeanour of nicky 

"nicky has been acting very strange and it's quite honestly worrying," kian spoke softly to his wife as he crossed his arms over his body 

"hmm, i'm sure he'll be fine," georgina strangely grinned, not even needing to follow the gaze that everyone else had 

this suddenly confused kian. but before he even had the chance to comment that georgina, his best friend's wife, was now acting strange, kian's eldest son, koa walked over straight to georgina, "aunty g, there's someone down the hall waiting for you. they've asked for you to give them their backstage pass," 

the two, koa egan and georgina, shared knowing looks, a sly smile breaking out on her face before farewelling the group, "i gotta go!" georgina spoke with an excited tone of voice

nicky looked like he was either going to break down into tears any minute or smash his phone to the ground. whereas his wife georgina was the polar opposite, looking as though she had either won the lottery or something as grand as a large sum of money. 

"and, uhh, who may i ask is paying us a visit backstage?" kian was more than shocked and confused, wondering out loud, georgina smiling 

shrugging her shoulders with a smile, "sorry kino, but i don't think i have the authorisation to tell you, i just have to give the pass to them," waving the lads and fellow spouses away, walking off towards the other end of the backstage hallway, the group couldn't be more than confused as to what just happened 

"please, don't tell me i'm going crazy and say that, that wasn't strange either!" kian almost groaned in frustration, he and the lads were moments from going on stage and one of their members was basically having a mental breakdown whilst his wife was acting suspicious? is this a simulation? 

"we've known georgina for many many years and i don't think she has ever had the authorisation to give someone their backstage pass for a westlife gig. can someone, anyone, tell me what is going on? gill, jodi, koa?" 

koa just shrugged, giving a hug to his dad and mum before rushing back over to the dressing room that was filled with the other westlife kids. mark's spouse, cailean in the room with them, watching them. the countdown for the start of the concert was basically twenty minutes and still, nicky hadn't left his dressing room. shane now walks into his bandmate's dressing room when he noticed his friend was watching the military news channel on his phone. 

"you okay, nico?" shane questioned, sliding on the couch next to nicky when he then noticed what exactly nicky was watching. "the bomb ambush in afghanistan?" the second eldest member observed, knowing with all full intent as to why nicky was watching it 

"up to thirty soldiers killed, and they think over a hundred are missing," nicky's voice was shaky and filled with anxiety. "no other information has been released so, no names have been given so far," the poor lad was all of a sudden teary-eyed and trying his hardest to hide it, trying to remain as calm and levelheaded as possible due to the fact that it was twenty minutes until showtime 

"come on nico, it's twenty minutes before we start. possibly could be the escape that your mind needs," 

reluctantly agreeing with his bandmate, the dub nodded. pressing down on the couch next to him, he pushed himself up. squeezing out of the space between the couch and coffee table and followed shane towards the stage. but not without checking his phone again to again find nothing. 

a couple of minutes later, when it was around ten minutes before showtime, the entire westlife family (excluding georgina) were all standing backstage just as the lads were about to go on stage. it wasn't until georgina and someone else walked over and noticed the sullen look on nicky's face. 

kian noticed the weird tension and finally decided to address it again as georgina was silent and was seemingly hiding someone behind her, "okay, georgina, what the actual heck is going on here?" demanding to know before the show started, he continued, "between nicky, checking his phone every second and then you having to invite someone in, there is something wrong and it's really confusing me!"

"maybe...i could give the answer?" whilst the voice was gentle and very obviously a feminine voice heard by a set of guitar amps, it made almost everyone's hearts stop

but no one's heart stopped more than nicky's. hearing that voice almost made his legs give out from under him as he looked over from where he had disassociated looking at a lighting rig above him. by the dizzying speed of light, the lad turned his head. kenzie. standing against a set of guitar amps in the backstage wings of the aviva stadium. dressed in a cute crop top and jeans with her blonde hair all curled with her medic cap resting on it, stood military medic kenzie byrne. georgina stood behind her with her phone out, recording her husband's reaction, amongst everyone else's who also made it in the frame. of course, at first, the lad thought he was maybe hallucinating, stunned and almost not wanting to believe that his eyes were for once not deceiving him. 

then, he did the unexpected, his microphone slipped from his hand, thankful it wasn't on otherwise the feedback would be torturous. and he scrambled over to his younger sister in a desperate sprint to get to her faster. as if he couldn't get to her faster, she'd disappear. a small squeak left his mouth as the siblings collided with each other, kenzie's arms immediately wrapping around his, pulling her older brother closer to her. in the background, georgina's small squeal of excitement could be heard as she watched her husband and sister-in-law reunite. 

for a while, nicky didn't want to pull out of the hug and, frankly, neither did she. but, kenzie couldn't deny that their show was about to begin and she was desperate to hug kian, shane and mark as well as the children and spouses. as tears slipped down nicky's face, with kenzie frantically wiping them away so it wouldn't noticeable for the fans, he couldn't help but feel every single emotion under the sun. happiness, shock, surprise, relief, every single emotion were butterflies that flew throughout his stomach as he took in every inch of his younger sister's face. scanning her as he wanted to reassure himself that his sister was truly okay and free from harm, the physical that is, that the heartbreak of war that can be brought back home with a soldier. once he had finished analysing his sister, he rested his forehead against kenzie's, his palms resting against her cheeks. whilst comforting her, it gave nicky the ultimate comfort in knowing how real his sister was and that she really wasn't leaving. 

"the...the news, you...i--" nicky couldn't bear to say another word of what he saw on the news as his voice shook with fear, still hearing his heart that hammered against his chest, "--i...i thought i..i'd never see you again!" the tearful lad whispered as he sounded almost out of breath due to the amount of anxiety he had been experiencing the entire day 

"what are you doing here, kenzie?" he whispered softly, even though he knew that the rest of his band and family would also want to know but needed it to be hurried up to the show that they were minutes from starting, he couldn't help the quietness of his voice 

"honourable discharge, i'm no longer needed nicky. i heard the news as to what happened whilst on the plane back home since it was told to us over the pa system. i had merely touched down when the statistics had been released to all news outlets and i'm still yet to go home and visit mum, gillian and adam. i came straight here because i knew i needed to see you first," kenzie smiled softly at her brother as he almost bursts into tears again as she holds him tightly 

"why are you home?" even though it was just answered, it seemed as if nicky still couldn't comprehend his sister's safe return, his small, tear-filled voice spoke up small from all the tears he'd cried, the band and co. watching on at the beautifully emotional sibling reunion 

even though it didn't need to be repeated, kenzie did anyway, "i am no longer needed nico. i can go back home and start my family with my fiancé or i can start touring with westlife..." she smirked which made nicky excited, he had always dreamt that, like previously, after kenzie's return from the military that she would come back on tour with the band 

however, it wasn't until kenzie heard a small clearing of the throat that she realised that kian was wanting some attention as did everyone else. giggling, the girl unlatched herself from her older brother and rushed over to kian who excitedly picked her up, swinging her around as the two of them giggled. from the very start of westlife, kenzie and kian were best buddies, having a very special relationhip with one another when nicky first introduced his sister to the band when she was a young teenager herself. so, seeing kenzie return back safely to ireland to surprise nicky and everyone else could not have made kian's night any better. 

shane was the next person to bring the byrne sister in for a tight hug. similar to kian, she and shane were instant friends, exactly like the friendship he has with her brother. the fact that georgina had already known about this surprise really meddled with nicky's mind but, it still made him teary-eyed, along with everyone else, when the younger byrne sibling walked into the backstage wing to surprise nicky and the group. shane couldn't have been happier to see his best friend's bright, blue eyes as kenzie came home without a single injury present on her body. 

then, after mark, she had a group hug with the spouses but the longest one was with georgina (after nicky and kian's hugs), her sister-in-law who had helped her with devising the plan to surprise nicky and everyone else. it was also then the moment in which the band needed to get into their places for the opening song of the opening night of their wild dreams tour. 

~

after the opening show of the wild dreams tour had finished and everyone had settled down, it was instagram time. and no one was more excited than nicky when he got the notification from his younger sister and her first instagram post after seven long years. 

liked by nickybyrneinsta, shanefilanofficial, kianegan, markusmoments, caileano, jodialbert, georginaahernbyrne, stormykeating and 8k others

kenziebyrne home.

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nickybyrneinsta that one word just made me cry all over again 

kenziebyrne nickybyrneinsta same here! 

shanefilanofficial oh my god. that photo of you and cobi is adorable! having you back home is the best thing in the world, kenzie! 

kenziebyrne shanefilanofficial i know right, i love that photo of me and cobi! and thank you, shay, being home really is the best thing ever! 

kianegan thank god you posted the photo of me and you not crying! 

kenziebyrne kianegan i know right?! it seemed like nearly every single photo we took was of us crying except for this one! 

markusmoments kenzie's home! kenzie's home! kenzie's home! 

kenziebyrne markusmoments i'm home! i'm home! i'm home! 

caileano i'm coming home, to the place where i belong! 

kenziebyrne caileano where your love has always been enough for me! 

jodialbert these photos are gorgeous, kenzie! that photo of you and cobi, my heart! and the photo of you and gia! 

kenziebyrne jodialbert i know right, jodi! and i know my heart! 

georginaahernbyrne trying to keep your return home a secret was the hardest thing i've ever had to do oh my god! 

kenziebyrne georginaahernbyrne i know it really was! there was so many times on the drive down that i desperately wanted to just facetime or ring but i couldn't! 

username omg omg omg i'm gonna cry! kenzie's home after seven years! 

kenziebyrne username i've been crying nearly all day so i feel you, babe! 

westliferone i actually have tears streaming down my face! kenzie's finally back home! i'm so relieved that you got home safely! 

kenziebyrne westliferone awe, love! thank you, i'm grateful and so relieved as well but in all honesty, i don't think i've seen nicky with such relief on his face until the moment he saw it was me that was behind georgina

stormykeating welcome home baby! i bet nicky's relieved 

kenziebyrne stormykeating more than relieved! thank you stormy xx

liked by kenziebyrne, markusmoments, kianegan, gillianfilansligo, nicolefilan, rokeating and 7k others

nickybyrneinsta seven years later, the baby sister is back home and all grown up 

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kenziebyrne damn, who's the good-looking lass in the photos? 

nickybyrneinsta kenziebyrne my gorgeous sister who surprised me after seven goddamn years! 

markusmoments that's a sweet photo of nicole and kenzie at the concert, awe! 

nickybyrneinsta markusmoments i know right! gillian sent it to me 

kianegan i'm still in shock that it's been seven years 

nickybyrneinsta kianegan and you're telling me?! 

gillianfilansligo glad to have her back home nicky! 

nickybyrneinsta gillianfilansligo i really am too! seven years was way too long

nicolefilan awe, that photo of me and kenz at the concert! wild that it's been seven whole years

nickybyrneinsta nicolefilan it's a very sweet photo nicole! and i know, it blows my mind all the time 

rokeating welcome home kenzie, glad you're home safely but seven years? you're a crackhead babe! 

nickybyrneinsta rokeating tell that to kenzie, not me! but yes, i think she is a crackhead in all honesty cause i have no clue how she went seven years in the middle east without coming home 

shanefilanofficial these photos are just amazing, you're so grown up now kenzie! 

nickybyrneinsta shanefilanofficial they really are and she has! makes me sad that we missed seven years of it though

westliftertwo okay, but why did nicky's caption make me cry more than kenzie's?

nickybyrneinsta westliftertwo good question because my caption also made me cry more than kenzie's 

fin

whaddya know? yet another military homecoming fic! shouldn't be a shocker at all!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

byrne squared (part two to so much blood)🫶

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!reader

summary : a couple of months after her miscarriage, it was found out that alessandra byrne, nicky byrne's wife, was pregnant again and was finally able to give her husband nicky the one thing he's always wanted

warnings : fluff, mentions of miscarriage, infertility, hospital, happy tears, pregnancy, happy ending

a/n : praise the lord, this is an original one-shot that has not been reused and recycled thank god. i already knew i wanted to do part two of "so much blood" so i am so glad i got to. this will be a lot happier than the first part but the miscarriage will be talked about in an italicised flashback by an instagram post posted by alessandra even though it didn't exist in 2007, when nicky's twins, rocco and jay were born, pretend it did. and like part one, this will be in lowercase. enjoy my lovely dovelies.

liked by nickybyrneinsta, caileano, markusmoments, stormykeating, jodialbert and 9k others

alessandrabyrne all my life, i knew i wanted to be a mother and that my husband wanted to be a father. so, we started trying but no matter how hard we tried, we always had a negative result leaving us heartbroken. thinking we were doing something wrong, wondering constantly why we were never getting pregnant. and then, out of sheer desperation, we stopped actively trying to get pregnant and one day, finally, after what felt like we had been trying forever, the one time we weren't actively trying, there was a positive pregnancy test. and we were so excited, even though we still grieved over the losses of all the negatives, we were just glad that i could actually get pregnant to give nicky and me our first ever baby and it was all truly going to plan and both baby and me were healthy as could be. that was until, at five months, heartbreaking, during a westlife concert during their number one's tour, i miscarried at the london o2 show and lost what would have been me and nicky's little baby girl. no one can prepare you for losing a baby but also a baby that was the only positive after so many negatives just breaks you even more. i wish i could explain how disgusted i felt in knowing that i couldn't even give my husband and i the singular thing that we had both wanted our entire lives. for ages, i hated myself because my body couldn't do the one thing it was supposed to do. and for so long, all i could do was apologise to nicky because he didn't deserve to lose his baby. he didn't deserve to have his wife miscarrying what was going to be his beautiful baby girl. nicky, babe, even though i've constantly been saying it, i don't think i'll ever be able to stop saying it until i am able to give you our gorgeous baby girl so, again, i am so, so incredibly sorry that i couldn't give you what you so desperately want in your life. i am so sorry i can't give you your little princess or even a little prince but, in saying that, i'll never give up, i won't stop trying until i can give us our little princess or little prince!

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nickybyrneinsta oh aless, you don't need to apologise! it's not your fault babe! you need to stop apologising!

alessandrabyrne nickybyrneinsta i love you nico. it was an honour to even carry baby byrne for those short five months and i hope next time i'll carry it all the way to term for us

caileano when are you going to stop apologising, alessandra? it's not your fault and it never will be. nicky is not mad at you and he never could be! 

alessandrabyrne caileano i love you cailean.

markusmoments as always, my heart breaks over this. but one day i promise you'll give you and nicky a beautiful baby, just don't stop trying alessandra

alessandrabyrne markusmoments so does mine, mark. and thank you, i haven't stopped trying as i am determined as hell to have this baby and hand it over to nico

stormykeating my heart aches over this! but it heals because of how courageous and strong you are to even talk about it when it's something that many women don't talk about! ro and i send all our love, hugs and kisses to you and nicky 

alessandrabyrne stormykeating thank you for the kind words stormy, i love you and ronan so much, your guys' support has been amazing!

jodialbert you are superwoman, alessandra! thank you for speaking up about this even though it's difficult, you'll help a lot of women out there by posting about this my darling

alessandrabyrne jodialbert oh stop it, jodi! but, thank you, i was at first hesitant but quickly realised that if i do talk about it, it'll be a lot more helpful than just ignoring it and not talking about it!

just as nicky byrne, alessandra byrne's husband predicted and maybe even manifested, two weeks after posting about the miscarriage of her and nicky's baby, alessandra found out that after she and nicky really stopped trying that she was once again pregnant with her and nicky's baby. and it was predicted that baby byrne was going to be due in june of 2007. however, for the safety and consolation of the byrne's, they didn't announce the pregnancy until their ireland show when nicky mentioned that, once again, he and alessandra were going to become pregnant and thanked his wife. and then after that, alessandra announced it with some photos of her through a series of pregnancy bumpdates to her blog with the sweetest caption. but that was until after nicky had announced it on stage so let's just say it was just happy news on top of happy news after what was such devastation for alessandra and nicky. 

ireland show

"---good evening ireland!" nicky announces after the band sings their 2003 record of the year hit, mandy as the crowd cheers

"this is westlife's the love tour! we are so excited to back on stage in front of all of you guys, umm, the love tour is here and we are here to celebrate westlife so, thank you guys so much and, i just have to say that...i'm about to become a father..." nicky pauses as the crowd screams and cheers 

"thank you... it's been a tough time since my wife, alessandra sadly miscarried late last year so, we're excited to announce that not only are we pregnant but we are pregnant with twins..." the crowd screams even more as he then hears his bandmates, kian, shane and mark cheer and applaud, making nicky laugh as well as alessandra and the rest of the wives and spouses who were watching from the barricades in front of the stage 

"...so, umm, that's some exciting news that i've kind of been getting really impatient about revealing..." nicky gets cut off by his bandmates' cheering again, making him laugh as he continues 

"...yeah, we wanted to keep this as secretive as we possibly could, alessandra and i and, we're just so excited to meet our babies!" nicky smiled tearfully as a shy chuckle left his mouth 

"umm, anyway, moving forward, this next song is if i let you go all the way back to the beginning of westlife--" nicky then continues as he introduces the next song after dedicating the song to alessandra 

alessandra couldn't help but tear up as she watched her husband get so excited to announce that this time, he was really going to become a father and that she was going to be a mother after thinking they weren't going to be able to be parents. 

then, she cried even more when nicky sang to her during his verse, ultimately thanking her, his wife, for making his one true wish finally come true. shane, kian and mark then interacted with her during the song and then after a couple more songs, it was a break in between quick changes and they got to give a quick set of hugs and kisses to alessandra and the two baby byrnes. 

*

by the time the concert finished, it seemed as though everyone on social media and alessandra's blog were talking about the fact that alessandra and nicky were becoming parents again after the miscarriage of their first one. now, all the fans were waiting for was actual confirmation by alessandra so, alessandra gave her fans and the westlife fans what they were waiting for and did confirm that she was pregnant with her and nicky's twins. 

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alessandrabyrne it's with the greatest plasure and privilege to announce that the rumours are true that i am indeed pregnant with nicky and i's twins. it was as though my husband had either manifested it or just knew that a few months after posting about the miscarriage of our first pregnancy, that i'd fall pregnant again and was a lot further along than originally thought. so, i am so very pleased to announce that baby byrne squared should be ready to pop out sometime around june. it devastated me, as i documented, that i miscarried what would have been me and nicky's first baby but finding out i was pregnant again after not actively trying that i couldn't believe how blessed i was to be able to get a second chance at making me and my husband's dream come true. i love you so bloody much nico that, it's the greatest privilege to be able to give you and me twin babies and it's been the best thing i've ever genuinely done in my life and it's all i've ever wanted in my life and that's to see you happy and to have our little family together of our own. the countdown for baby byrne squared is now on! 

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nickybyrneinsta jesus christ, alessandra, i love you so much! watching you this entire time you've carried baby byrne squared has been astounding, you are truly a pro at this! i cannot wait for the day we meet them!

alessandrabyrne nickybyrneinsta i love you even more nico! and thank you, you're too kind, if i'm a pro, what are you because you've also been spectacular as well! and i can't wait either, it's going to be the best day ever!

caileano ahh, it's getting so close! it feels like we can just touch baby byrne squared due date and they'll be here soon!

alessandrabyrne caileano i know right? it's going to fly by so quickly and then boom, you and marky will be uncles to two beautiful little twins forever and ever!

jodialbert this post has made me so happy! seeing nicky get to announce, again, to a crowd of many that he's becoming a father but also to twins was for sure a moment that'll be unforgettable

alessandrabyrne jodialbert oh tell me about it! i wanted to post it before nicky announced it but i decided to wait since i wanted him to announce it before anyone else could. and i know, i was bawling my eyes out when he announced it, especially when i noticed the reactions of kian, nicky and shane behind him!

kianegan i still cannot believe nicky waited until the show tonight to tell us that you're having twins!

alessandrabyrne kianegan you're telling me?! i thought you guys already knew! which is probably why i started bawling my eyes out when i saw your guys' reactions on stage lol

markusmoments not gonna lie, i was a little bit stunned and maybe teary-eyed when nicky announced you guys were having twins

alessandrabyrne markusmoments so was i! i genuinely thought he had already told you three!

shanefilanofficial wow, still not over the fact you and nicky will be parents to twins! 

alessandrabyrne shanefilanofficial so am i and i'm carrying the twins for us!

gillianfilansligo you and nicky will be the best parents in the entire world!

alessandrabyrne gillianfilansligo here here gillian! i agree!

rokeating oh this is just spectacular news! i'm so glad you didn't give up trying!

alessandrabyrne rokeating oh, thank you so much ronan! you're too sweet! me, nicky and the unborn twins send all our love to you and stormy xx

*

then, surprising absolutely everyone, six weeks earlier then their due date, twin boys rocco bertie and jay nicky byrne were born on the 20th of april. in holles street dublin hospital via c-section, alessandra gave birth to the twins. then, it wasn't until very recently that the new parents got to bring their babies home due to how small they were, having to stay in incubators for four to five weeks to get to the correct healthy weight to leave the hospital. 

to announce the arrival of rocco and jay, fans waited until the parents brought rocco and jay home before they got to see the post of the happy parents with their twin boys. 

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nickybyrneinsta rocco and jay byrne. mum and boys are happy and healthy x

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alessandrabyrne the sweetest little boys in the world! 

jodialbert i feel like christmas came early! i love you four so much 💙💕💙

nickybyrnefan congratulations nicky and alessandra! rocco and jay are gorgeous

username congratulations nicky and alessandra! and congratulations to your wife for healthily delivering her 💕

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alessandrabyrne born six weeks early, here they are everyone, little boys rocco and jay was born safe and sound. it may have been a tough delivery but the relief nico and i had when we saw our two little boys at the end of it was all that mattered! rocco and jay, daddy and mummy love you so much! welcome to the byrne family, you'll love it! 

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nickybyrneinsta our gorgeous boys, aless! we have our little family now! 

shanefilanofficial oh aren't they just gorgeous little things! congratulations nicky and alessandra! 

kianegan oh, what gorgeous boys they are! they are already so loved! congratulations nicky and alessandra, they are beautiful! 

username congratulations alessandra and nicky! rocco and jay are just gorgeous! 

jodialbert rocco and jay are going to be the most gorgeous and loved little boys in the world!

baby rocco and jay were born safe and sound... nicky got his one true wish to come true... he has finally got his missing piece... he's the father to an already beautiful rocco and jay with his wife alessandra. 

fin

glad to have given this two-parter a happy ending and keeping it happy!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

so much blood💔

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!reader

summary : nicky's wife, alessandra, at a westlife concert, suffers from an awfully traumatic late misarriage at five months, right at the 24-week mark where it's considered a stillbirth. the byrne's had been trying for children for ages when she miscarries their baby in the bathroom after bleeding profusely before the westlife wives find her. 

warnings : mentions of miscarriage, blood, tears, hospital, angst, infertility

a/n : i have already written this with mark before but obviously it'll be changed due to this version being about nicky. unlike the character in this one-shot, i have never (thankfully) experienced a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy/ stillbirth etc, however, i do know people who have gone through that and it's soul-destroying. however, this does not mean by any means that i am glorifying or positively promoting the physical and mental tolls that miscarriages have on families as it is awful and very traumatizing. this is just a thing of fiction that i have written with no intentional means to harm anyone. this will also be in lowercase because i just feel like it will set the tone if it's written in all lowercase

attending westlife concerts with the rest of the westlife family was most probably alessandra byrne's, the wife of nicky byrne, favourite thing to do. especially now that she was carrying the beautiful baby that was going to be her and nicky's future baby and that was what made westlife's "number one's tour" 2005 all the more special for everyone. however, recently, alessandra had been having some painful and strange cramp-like pains in her stomach and back however, she had just been disregarding them because she didn't want to put more fuel in the fire of her fears of having a potential miscarriage coming true. and besides, the pains hadn't been too extreme that it required looking into so, alessandra just didn't think to mention it to her midwife. especially considering if this baby was to miscarry, it wouldn't be alessandra's first one either. it wasn't new news that the byrne's had been trying for ages, since their wedding in 2003, to be parents and everytime they did try, it would always end in heartbreak so, after that, alessandra promised herself and nicky that she'd never ever try to fall pregnant again. that was, however, until they stopped actively trying and one day that alessandra felt similar symptoms, she decided to take a pregnancy test and it came out positive which brought alessandra and nicky so much excitement that maybe all they had to do was just to not try so hard. all alessandra wanted for years was to manifest a positive, healthy, stress-free pregnancy for herself and her husband. and, as of right now, it seemed as if everything in alessandra's pregnancy was going exceptionally for her now that she had finally reached the fifth month and didn't pursue the same symptoms that she did when she'd never get past the actual pregnancy test saying anything but negative. and, to be completely honest, that knowledge that alessandra had healthily made it to the five-month mark in this pregnancy after so many negative and infertility issues just this past week gave her so much comfort and solace because it meant that she really was going to be able to give her husband everything he had ever dreamt to have and that was to have a child with the love of his life. 

whilst alessandra, the westives, gillian and jodi and nicky's sister gillian were on their way to the backstage wings where they were going to be watching their husbands, they couldn't help but bring up the conversation of her and nicky's baby and whether or not they had come up with names just yet. 

"---so, whilst you look divine being pregnant, alessandra, have you guys come up with names for baby byrne yet?" gillian, shane's wife asks as alessandra giggled whilst jodi and sister-in-law gillian smiled at each other as alessandra rubbed the tiny five-month bump

"uhh, nah, not really. i don't think we're personally focused on names just yet. i mean, i know i'm not, i of course, can't say the same about nicky but, all i know is that yvonne and nikki know the gender so, i think that's what we're waiting for," alessandra spoke before the girls smiled, their eyes all focusing and sparkling at the baby bump 

"yeah, i think nicky's actually told me a couple of names he had been thinking about but, for now i think we're still calling the little cherub baby byrne," gillian, nicky's sister chuckled as the other girls nod their heads and smile brightly as jodi speaks up 

"well, aless, no matter what gender baby byrne is going to be, you and nicky will for sure come up with a beautiful name anyway," jodi coos as she rubbed her warm hand across alessandra's stomach, making the pregnant girl giggle softly due to the tickly sensation it gave her 

however though, maybe the amount of laughter she and the others were doing was not the smartest. a large shot of sharp pain sent shockwaves through the mother's entire body as if it was a giant period cramp. along with the strange feeling of nausea, which alessandra had not once been experiencing, she quickly and quietly excused herself from the wives and sister-in-law to the bathroom just outside of the backstage wings which was the accessible toilet, the only one that alessandra could use. 

*

"--hello london! how are we feeling tonight?!" nicky cheers into his microphone as he laughs at the enthusiasm of the london crowd in front of him 

nicky then continued on with his little speech since it was a break in-between songs since it was coming towards the middle of the show which was when nicky did his very long and always hilarious speeches. until it was time for nicky to introduce my love which was approximately around the middle of the concert. 

"--this next song takes us back to the year 2000 and it was another song that went to number one and it actually got us our second record of the year in a row back in 2000..." nicky trailed off as he smiled before continuing on, ignoring the other three bandmates who were teasing him 

"...for those who don't already know, the song is my love but--" 

"--nicky and alessandra are having a baby!" mark out of nowhere blurted out, the fear in nicky's eyes ever so present, turning back to his bandmate before relaxing as he saw the smile on his wife's face

"yeah...after trying for what's felt like forever, alessandra's finally pregnant so that's exciting but anyway! continuing on with the show, this next song is my love, enjoy!" nicky giggled as alessandra and the westives plus nicky's sister gillian all smiled lovingly at the mention of alessandra and nicky's pregnancy 

then, the cords for my love began to play and the lads started to sing. nicky felt like he was on cloud nine after mark's accidental announcement that nicky was about to become a father, i mean, who wouldn't feel like that. alessandra for sure felt like she was on cloud nine over the child she would be giving birth to. however, throughout my love and the happiness of the accidental baby announcement, fear started to spread through the backstage as the two gillian's ran through the o2 to find baz whelan who was the band's security guard so they could tell him that nicky was urgently needed backstage. 

the crowd enjoyed every moment of the first half of my love when baz ran up onto the stage, making the crowd make noises of confusion whilst others squealed that the security guard was on stage. smiling as best as he could and waving to the fans, baz made a beeline straight to nicky. grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to his side, nicky lowered his microphone, and baz started whispering something into nicky's ear so it wasn't heard by anyone else. which, for some strange reason made the crowd scream even louder. the other three boys, shane, kian and mark, with confused faces watched on but still tried to keep the energy up by mumbling some crazy ad-libs and harmonies under their breaths to keep the audience occupied as their confused faces turned into looks of concern as within seconds, nicky's face ran cold and paled, his head shooting up towards baz. 

dropping his microphone to the floor, originally meant for one of the steps, nicky wasted no time in dashing off the stage in a flash of light. barely tilting his head at nicky, shane, since he was sat right next to nicky, grabbed nicky's microphone from the floor as baz shot him and the other two boys a look of "i'll tell you three later"

the other three all looked at each other in concern for their eldest bandmate and also now at the crowd who were waiting in nervous anticipation as to what the hell had just happened and why nicky just ran off stage. 

baz then spoke up, with nicky's microphone that shane had just handed him, "i am awfully sorry everyone. everything is fine, nicky just needs to take care of something right now that has been classified as an emergency. as of right now, everything i repeat is okay and all parties involved are okay. i am not entirely sure when nicky will return to the stage however, for the rest of this set, shane, kian and mark will continue whilst nicky takes care of what's happening backstage," baz announces as the other three, whilst absolutely fearful of what could be going on backstage right now, give each other comforting looks and decide to continue with the rest of my love without nicky 

at hearing this announcement, the crowd, whilst shrouded in worry, still erupt into cheers and baz walks off stage trying his best to maintain his cool and not let his facade crumble since he was the only one that actually knew what was happening backstage (and that everything was anything but okay). shane, kian and mark, now knowing that whatever was happening backstage that involved nicky, would be told to them later on, terrified them yet they had to hide that fear and continue the song and show because not only were they just told to by their security guard but also by their fans reactions. i mean, singing after a tragedy shouldn't be too hard, especially when they weren't aware of it, right? 

*

bursting out of the backstage wings and through the back rooms of the o2, not even paying attention to who may have been trying to calmly walk past doing their job, nicky demanded answers as to what was going on, especially due to the fact it was in regards to his wife, alessandra. then, suddenly, the only thing that rang through his ears was the sound of alessandra's screams and cries of desperation. 

jodi and now nicky's sister gillian were on the ground, desperately trying to coax alessandra to open the bathroom door but, not one single thing they were saying made the poor girl open the door. standing straight off the floor the second the two girls saw nicky, jodi spoke up, "she's been there for fifteen to twenty minutes, gill's made the call to 999, any minute they should be arriving," jodi was updating nicky, well, trying to as it seemed as if nicky was too fixated on trying to figure it out himself 

"what even happened?" nicky's usual calm tone of voice came out shakier, moving his ear to the door to see if he could figure out what was wrong, the things he heard was alessandra repeatedly saying "no" as she wept and let out small rounds of screeches to herself 

out of breath, with baz and nicky's mum right beside her, gill filan mumbled, "she still hasn't opened the door?" as jodi and gillian shook their heads as gill and yvonne turned their attention to nicky who was looking for answers, which jodi gave to him 

"in all honesty nicky, we have no idea what exactly happened," jodi shrugged sadly, wishing she did know so she could help her best friends, "we were all having a sweet, nice conversation about baby byrne and names and just having a right old laugh when alessandra just suddenly got up and excused hersel to the bathroom without another word. then, after it had been about four minutes, i got worried since she never spends longer than a minute in there when just before i could even knock on the door, i just heard her scream. she refuses to open the door for any of us, that was until i told your sister who ran over to grab baz to grab you and then yvonne, so, sorry for having to grab you off stage but, maybe, for you, nicko, she'll open it?" 

nicky shook his head at jodi's apology for making him leave the stage during a song as he took in a deep breath before leaning his forhead against the metallic, cold bathroom door, "aless? babe, it's just me, could you please open the door?" 

no response. not even a noise of acknowledgement. 

breathing in again, nicky tried a second time, "alessandra, please, can you open the door for me?" he tried to keep his voice as calm as he could but, how could he? his wife was potentially injured whilst pregnant with their baby and he had no clue what to do to help her 

a few seconds went past of pure silence that really worried the group, and made them hold their breath until a shaky, wet breath was heard on the other side of the door, "i...i can't nicko, please, go...go away! there's...there's so...so mu...much!" the girl sobbed out in utter terror and distress, her vocal cords breaking 

nicky tried his hardest to not curse, both under his breath and loudly. deciding to try again, he knew he needed to get to his wife and see what was wrong so he could help her, "babe, aless, if you're near the door, you need to move back," once again, no response from alessandra suggesting that she had moved away from the door 

then, taking the slim chance that he was right and his wife did move out of the way, as his sister, mum, jodi, gillian and baz watched on in fear, nicky jutted his right foot towards the bathroom door, his boot kicking it open completely. flying open immediately, the door revealed a scene that was beyond anything that everyone had imagined they'd be seeing. well, in all honesty, they had no clue whatsoever as to what they expected to see behind that bathroom door but, it certainly didn't involve all of this blood.

blood was absolutely everywhere, not only was alessandra surrounded and somehow sitting in it, there was blood all over her arms and some in her hair, legs and face due to her most likely panicking and hugging herself to self-regulate and comfort herself into a calm enough state. with no care in the world for his concert outfit, only stripping off the first layer that he was provided by the stylists and ripping off his in-ears and his mic-pack, chucking them aimlessly at baz, who caught them, the only thing that clicked into nicky's brain was to comfort his wife. dropping to his knees, he messily slid over through the blood and to the toilet bowl where alessandra was resting, her body rocking with sobs as he pulled her in for a hug, blood being transferred from her to him in an instant. her hands rested at her side limply, her chin resting on nicky's shoulder as her sobs shook both of their bodies. nicky was mortified, i mean, he had no idea that someone so small and petite as his wife could have this much blood rush out of them. esepecially when she's currently pregnant. 

"i'm so sorry nico," alessandra whispered out ever so quietly to the point where nicky could barely hear it, not that she needed to apologise at all anyway 

yvonne, the two gillians and jodi looked in, noticing everything that had happened and instantly, tears all welled in their eyes. ushering everyone out, yvonne gave one last look to her son and daughter-in-law before she also left the two of them so they could have a moment alone before the paramedics arrived. 

"and why are you apologising, alessandra?" nicky whispered as he rocked his wife back and forth, kissing the side of her cheek that wasn't covered in blood, his arms wrapped securely around his distraught wife 

"baby..." was all alessandra could at first whisper, which confused nicky 

"...baby? what do you mean baby, aless, what's happened, babe?" nicky pushed for some more answers as alessandra's face screwed as she closed her eyes and shook her head, tears waterfalling down her face as she refused to talk about what had just happened

nicky hugged his wife tighter, not just to comfort her but also to let her know that he wouldn't get mad or last out over whatever it was that she wasn't telling him. even if it did have something to do their child. he just wanted to be told what had happened so he could help his wife. 

finally, with reluctance and shame for herself, alessandra once again whispered it out, "...the baby, i...i lost the baby..." no loud sobs followed from her mouth after she revealed her stillbirth as nicky felt a switch get turned off whilst another one got turned on and his eyes filled with tears 

"...oh, oh aless! i am so sorry baby!" nicky whispered as he pulled his wife closer to him, his lips smooshed against her light blonde hair as his breath hitched as he felt his own tears leave his eyes as he closed them tightly 

the husband and wife sat on the bloodied up bathroom floor for what felt like hours whilst the westlife concert continued on stage before paramedics ran through the hallways of backstage before reaching the byrne's and the rest of the westlife wives. in a strange way, relief flooded nicky's body hearing the pitter patters of the feet rushing through the hallways towards him and his wife. subconsciously, even though he didn't know too much about first aid, he knew from the way his wife was scrunching her body up in pain that this was good timing for the paramedics to have their arrival. it looked as if the foetus was still inside of alessandra and that she'd need surgery to have it medically removed so nothing negative or dangerous would happen to alessandra like an infection. the bloody scene that the paramedics had to witness as they walked in was not a friendly shock to the system at all and it was something they could never get used to, even as veteran paramedics. seeing this much blood as a paramedic, especially if their patient is a pregnant woman, was never good news, never. 

*

nicky picked up alessandra and placed her on the gurney, unable to move as he just stood there as the paramedics wheeled away his wife to the ambulance. the hype and excitement from the westlife concert inside almost teased him with the lights flashing and joyful screams as his thoughts were then interrupted by the male paramedic, "excuse me, sir, would you like to come and ride with us? i presume you're alessandra's husband?" 

turning around to face the man, nicky gulped, "umm, yes, i am alessandra's husband, nicky byrne but uh, no, hold on, i need to at least get changed out of my clothes and clean myself up a bit, i'll meet you guys there as soon as i can though if that's okay," 

the fifty-ish year old paramedic nodded his head, telling nicky the name of the hospital they were sending his wife to, making sure yvonne was going with her so she wouldn't wonder later on why she was left all alone. the ambulance then took off with his wife and mum when nicky was finally alone and he felt himself walking back inside into the backstage area of the arena, his brain completely turned off, having no clue what to do or what to even think at this point in time. all he could do was find himself walking back into the bloodied bathroom where he found his wife, the blood staring back at him like it was teasing him for not just his and alessandra's loss but also the rest of his family's, especially since it hadn't really been that long since they stopped actively trying for kids. and finally, the sobs he had been swallowing back for the sake of his wife just released from his body in violent convulsions, completely overwhelming him and his ability to stand. he then tried to shake, wipe and flick away the blood that was covering the majority of his body from his legs to his upper chest, not stopping until he felt himself being grabbed that he realised that for the last couple of minutes, shane had been calling out his name, kian and mark not that far behind shane. 

nicky's raw, bloodshot, puffy eyes met up with shane, kian and mark's worried ones, "...hey, nico, hey!" 

not a second longer went by before nicky collapsed into shane's slightly shorter frame and tries to quieten his painful sobs into the brunette's shirt. taken aback not just by shock but also physically, having to catch not just himself but also nicky, shane doesn't hesitate to tighten his arms around the shaking, sobbing, bloodied-up nicky as he holds him tightly, encouraging the older lad to continue to cry over the emergency that still, he, kian or mark had no knowledge of. 

"that's it nico, yeah, ssh, that's it. let it all out buddy, it's going to be okay, you'll be fine..." 

*

...nicky had just incoherently tried to explain to shane, kian and mark about the emergency that had happened backstage that caused him to miss the rest of my love and a few other songs. with the other three struggling to understand what had happened, they looked at each other with confusion, worry and uncertainty rushing their bloodstreams. urging for nicky to take a few more breaths before trying again, was the moment in which jodi and gillian had walked in on their husbands trying to comfort their fellow bandmate. 

that was when, with some encouragement, jodi came forward and explained to the other three boys what had happened, "shane, what nicky's trying to say is, alessandra was hanging out with us and nicko's sister, we were laughing and blabbering on about what the baby would be called when out of nowhere, alessandra just quietly excused herself, rushing away into the bathroom. four minutes later, after i became worried since aless is never in there for longer than a minute, i went to check on her when before i could even reach the door handle, i just heard her scream and refuse to open the door. that was when we got gill and gillian to get baz to grab nicky off stage and yvonne from her seat in the crowd and then, that was when we came to the realisation that alessandra had gone into stillbirth, the...the baby's gone..." jodi's voice faltered at the end as nicky let out a sob as shane held him tighter, kian and mark both closing their eyes as tears filled their eyes 

covering his mouth with his hand, kian softly spoke up, "...oh, aless...where is she and yvonne? have they gone to the hospital?" kian's voice also faltered as his wife nodded her head, confirming something that she knew nicky couldn't do himself 

"yeah, kian, babe, the paramedics found out that the foetus was still inside alessandra so, she's been sent into surgery to give birth to the baby because if the baby isn't removed, the baby wouldn't be the only one we could potentially lose," jodi sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve as shane once again squeezed nicky tightly as kian gestured to mark to say that they should go over and help shane comfort nicky 

and, without another word, kian and mark squeezed themselves into nicky and shane's hug as they all, shane included, started to cry together over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby after shane and gill's little nicole. the westwives, jodi and gill, and nicky's sister gillian, also overcome with emotion, then also joined in on the hug as they all cried together and grieved together before they realised that they had left nicky's mam all alone with alessandra. 

but, before they left, shane whispered one last thing before they broke the group hug, "...it's gonna be okay, we'll be fine..." 

*

now that it was well known within the london o2 that alessandra had just been wheeled out by paramedics to the hospital, the rest of the westlife concert had been cancelled since the band knew they couldn't and wouldn't continue the show as a three-piece and leave nicky in the hospital on his own with his mam. so, within minutes, everyone, except for one, had all changed from their concert outfits and rushed out of the arena to baz's van to get to the hospital that nicky had been told that alessandra had been transported to. 

however, this whole time, nicky's weeping didn't stop. at this point, he was wailing like a dying animal, he was so devastated. what was more devastating was this was the first time his bandmates had seen nicky really break down and cry. and that was what broke their hearts the most because they all knew that all nicky ever wanted to be in this life was a dad and just as he was four or so months away from becoming one, the baby passes away. and before shane got into the car with nicky and kian, shane realised that nicky still hadn't gotten changed was still holding his clean clothes. 

so, to calm their distraught bandmate and get him out of his bloodied clothes, kian this time speaks up, "hey, nico, come on, look at me, alright?" pushing him away, nicky still does what he's told and makes eye contact with kian 

"whilst this sounds like utter bullshit and you have full permission to smack me for saying this, everything will eventually be okay. you, alessandra and your whole family will recover from this and all of us getting in this car and waiting at that hospital will help you guys out. and eventually, alessandra will give birth to the most precious little baby ever but, right now, you need to get changed and back into this car so we can get to that goddamn hosptial because out of everyone here right now, alessandra needs you, your mam needs you and you need your mam and your wife!" wiping his tears away, nicky nodded his head, agreeing with his best friend and bandmate  

but not before looking down and realising, kian was right, nicky did forget to get changed out of his now dried-up bloodied concert outfit, he spoke up, "oh shit, you're right, i...i'll go and get changed, i'll be back..." nicky hushed out as he wiped his tears away and rushed back into the venue so he could get changed 

whilst that type of moment, one of his bandmates forgetting to get changed would normally be hilarious, this time it pierced through kian's heart, it smacked mark across the face and it just broke shane's heart to see how distressed and inconsolable nicky had been that he had simply forgotten to get out of his bloodied up concert outfit this entire time whilst everyone else had done so before walking to baz's van. nicky then took those sweet few seconds as he stripped himself of his bloodied concert outfit and into a clean, comfy set of sweat pants and a white t-shirt along with a pair of slippers. double-checking he had everything he needed and that he hadn't forgotten anything else this time, he made his way back out of the arena and to the van where everyone was waiting inside, kian waiting outside for him as they then made their way to the hospital to alessandra and yvonne. 

*

alessandra couldn't believe that she could get so excited about finally getting pregnant after struggling so much with infertility to only, in the span of what was only a few months, have her body fail her. all she wanted to do was to give her husband and herself a goddamn family and she was so close to doing so as well. at this point, the grief of all the other negative results and heartbreaking infertility appointments was practically gone because she knew it wasn't her fault and she had just accepted that it was now normal for her to lose a baby. however, knowing that this specific baby, she had allowed herself and nicky to get so excited because it was the one and only time that they hadn't actively tried to get pregnant just made her grief the worst it had ever been. she felt like she had once again failed nicky since she couldn't accomplish the one goddamn thing that women were practically put on this earth to do. all her husband ever wanted was a goddamn child and she couldn't even give him that. 

waking up from her surgery, the girl was drowsy and for a moment forgot where she was when she heard the familiar voice of her mother-in-law, yvonne, "...hey darling, you're awake, i'll get the nurse--" 

"--yvonne, where...where's nico? i...i need to apologise to him, and...and to you! i need to apologise to you! i am so sorry yvonne! i didn't mean to lose the baby i---" 

"--hey, hey, no, aless! we won't be doing this, not today! you have got absolutely nothing to apologise for! no one is blaming you for the loss of you and nicky's baby! i don't blame you, nicky doesn't blame you, no one blames you alessandra! it is not your fault at all! you had no control nor any idea that this was to happen! don't you dare blame yourself for something that is out of your control!" yvonne stressed as alessandra timidly nodded her head, still feeling awful but less heavy now that she truly felt reassured that it wasn't her fault - that is until she saw her husband 

"do you know when nico will get here?" alessandra then timidly asked her mother-in-law as yvonne sighed, she could tell that alessandra was trying to stop yvonne from getting the nurse 

"no, i don't darling but, i really need to tell a nurse that you're awake so, can i please inform one of the nurses that you're awake?" yvonne smiled softly as alessandra timidly nodded her head as that sent a shiver of relief down yvonne's spine

"thank you, aless, and nico shouldn't be too far away and neither should the rest of the lads and wives since they will have also been made aware, now, i'll be back in a couple of seconds, a minute tops, behave!" yvonne winked at the end as alessandra breathed out a laugh with a small head nod as she rested her head against the wall of the hospital behind her whilst she waited

*

by the time nicky and everyone else had arrived at the hospital and was allowed access to his wife's hospital room, she had already had the surgical procedure she needed to remove the deceased foetus. even though she knew that her husband had walked into the hospital room, she couldn't even bear to look up and make eye contact with him. especially with the knowledge that the stillborn had also been wheeled into the room for the husband and wife to meet the baby, she couldn't even bring it within herself to even breathe the same air as him even though she knew she'd eventually have to otherwise she'd alert the doctors and nurses. it ripped nicky apart knowing that not only did alessandra have to go through the surgery alone since yvonne isn't considered "immediate family" but that she was so ashamed of herself that she couldn't even look him nor the baby in the eye. 

"...please aless, baby, say something, just anything." nicky whispered out in a teary beg to his wife as she slowly but nervously lifted her head up, finally looking her husband in the eyes as she finally noticed just how hard this had also been for her husband and therefore everyone else 

"i...i...i tried so hard for anything but this to happen..." alessandra whimpered out in a whisper as nicky choked, not able to say a single thing as he swiftly moved over to the bed, hugging his wife as they cried together 

then, they moved from the hug and wheeled the cot over to them so they could meet their baby for the first time...

...the baby that was going to be their little baby girl if she hadn't been born still...

shane, kian and mark all cried as they watched their bandmate and wife grieve over the loss of what would have been the second westlife baby girl. 

"...we were going to have a baby girl nico..." 

"...our precious little princess aless..." 

fin

this was very depressing and again, if these topics do trigger you, please do not read it because if all the warnings are ignored it is not my fault that you consumed this fic after being told not to!

© amberswilddreams, 2024

[amberswilddreams]

happiest memories🫶

pairing : nicky byrne x fem!reader

summary : all it took was just one photo, a photo from nicky and alessandra byrne's recent wedding that set off four of the couple's happiest memories together.

warnings : just a lot of fluff

a/n : the photo in question will be first and then the memories will be in 'order' and in italics so it makes more sense and the present time will be in normal font. also, i decided to finish my nicky byrne streak today with a happy one-shot after giving him some really depressing scenarios. 

nicky and his wife alessandra byrne had just been rearranging their house when alessandra stumbled upon some of her and nicky's wedding photos from 2003. the photo she saw though, in particular, sending good shivers down her spine. the photo in specificity was taken as they left the church after the ceremony. nicky and alessandra had a very fancy, showbizzy sort of wedding in france after having a civil ceremony in county wicklow. the photo was taken just outside the church they had just gotten married in, alessandra was taking up majority of the photo with only a slither of nicky able to be seen, alessandra smiling a big smile at her new husband as they held hands. the slither that could be seen of nicky was his hand holding his wife's and the faintest/blurriest portion of his chin that looked as though he was also smiling at his wife. a big talk of the wedding was the fact that alessandra had two separate dresses, her ceremony dress, a simple satin, silky long-line dress, and her reception dress, a short dress with sparkling fringe all over it. which, of course was screaming y2k whilst nicky just changed from his suit jacket to his white button-up for the reception. 

"...wow, i had completely forgotten about this photo..." alessandra trailed off as she looked up to her husband who could only smile and nod his head 

"...i did too to be quite honest. i'm still glad even after so many years though that it doesn't show me crying *giggles* because lord have mercy, i just know i would have been non-stop heckled for that!" nicky joked as alessandra smiled at her husband, also laughing with him 

"i mean, in all honesty, i kind of wish the photographer had included you in it more. you're cute when you get emotional," alessandra giggled as nicky smiled, shaking his head as he giggled 

"i have to say though, this may just be my favourite photo from our wedding..." nicky trailed off as that intrigued his wife 

"...how so?" "you'll see," nicky smiled as he opened up a photo album that was titled 1999

1999

alessandra was currently recording her first-ever single as one of rca records' new artists that they had just recently signed a contract with. whilst the girl was excited, she was just as terrified as she was excited. this was something she had been dreaming about doing for ages and now at just shy of twenty, she was doing exactly that. whilst it wasn't the first time exactly that alessandra would be recording a song, it was still the first time she was doing it as a signed artist with a record deal. 

the girl was just asked to come out of her recording booth to meet another recently signed artist to rca records, another irish act but, she was told it was a boy band, five boys who ranged from the ages seventeen to twenty. however, she was slightly worried that because she was wearing nothing but a calvin klein bra and sweatpants she'd be making the wrong impression on the boy band. but, her manager, louis walsh told her not to worry about it and that her outfit choice would not change the impression from the boy band. and, honestly, she was glad that she trusted her manager's judgement because, in louise we trust, he was right. 

"...hey...umm, you're alessandra buchanan? the other new signed artist to rca records?" a dublin accent rang out which caught alessandra's attention, looking up from her sheet of lyrics and sheet music, she smiled as she saw one of the five members of the boy band in front of her, he had gorgeous blue eyes and what looked like dyed blonde hair, looking a little nervous 

"hiya...yeah, i am alessandra and, you are?" 

"nicholas...i'm nicky byrne, i'm one of the memebrs of louis' new band, westlife. we've also been signed to rca records recently," he smiled shyly as alessandra smiled back at him as she scooched over so he could sit with her, a smile forming on his face as he quickly took the seat, ignoring the wolf whistles of a second blonde boy who was most likely another one of the members of the band 

"oh, nice! i'm also being managed by louis, i think i do remember him mentioning that he was managing another boy band after boyzone but, i thought the band name was westside, maybe i hallucinated that actually *giggles*," nicky giggled at alessandra's quip of hallucinating westside as alessandra shared eye contact with the fellow blue-eyed boy 

"you didn't hallucinate that, alessandra, we were originally called westside but, we had to change it for legal reasons cause i think a charity or whatever was named that so, we changed it to westlife," nicky explained as alessandra hummed with a nod of her head with a small giggle afterwards

"ahh, that makes sense..." 

"...hey, nico, i was just looking for you..." 

"...oh, i...i am so sorry. was i interrupting anything?" a sligo accent suddenly rang out, alessandra shifted her eyes to see a slightly shorter and slightly younger irish lad who had a striking set of hazel-like eyes standing in front of her and nicky 

"oh, no, no, you weren't at all. nicky and i were just introducing ourselves to each other. hello, i'm alessandra buchanan, another one of rca records' newest signed artists and i'm also under louis walsh's management," she introduced herself as she stood up so she could properly shake hands with the new unnamed lad who smiled back at her - nicky watching at how effortlessly she had just done all of that with the most manners ever 

"hiya alessandra, i'm shane filan, i'm in westlife with nicky and another three lads, also managed by louis walsh," shane smiled as alessandra too smiled and nodded her head as she then giggled 

"well, shane, seeing as we're all here, do you want to sit here with nicky and me unless you needed to grab nicky for something else like a recording session or something?" both boys were so shocked to see how poised and put together a fellow signed artist who was basically the same age as them was after having just met the both of them, the two lads smiling at each other 

"yeah, sure, i can stay here with you both. i was just trying to find nicky is all as one minute i was talking with him and bryan and the next second i look back and he's off and gone somewhere else," shane giggled which made nicky's face heat up - did he seriously bail out from his friends to introduce himself to her? 

"oh, did he really do that? anyway, that's great you can stay with us, shane. besides, still confuses me why i'm recording today considering i can't even understand the melody this bloody song and i have to record it by the end of the day..." alessandra trailed off as nicky couldn't help but smile at the girl that was sitting very close to him 

"...well, i...i mean, if you wanted, shane and i could help you with getting the melody? just so you can get the song recorded by today?" nicky stammered out nervously as alessandra smiled at the offer, shane agreeing as well 

"seriously? i mean, it wouldn't be the first time i get someone raising their voice at me for not figuring someting out on my own *giggles* but, if you are able to, that would be such a help, thank you, nicky and shane," alessandra thanked sweetly as nicky and shane smiled at the girl 

"it's no problem at all alessandra, nicky and i have already done our recording for the day, only bryan, kian and mark are left in the studio so, we're happy to help you. plus, we don't want you to be yelled at again, also, i know we should be like "enemies" and compete but, that's not our vibe. we're label buddies so, we'll be buddies in real life, so in saying all of that, let's help you get this song recorded!" shane announced as alessandra smiled as nicky grabbed her arm and helped her up from the seat 

alessandra started to walk to her studio, turning around to see nicky and shane stalling behind her, giggling, she spoke up, "you coming boys or are you gossiping about me?" nicky and shane paused before shaking their heads 

"we're coming alessandra!" they both shouted out which made the three of them giggle, alessandra turning around to continue to walk in the direction of her studio, leaving the sligonian and dubliner to themselves 

"you are totally in love with her nico!" shane chuckled as nicky rolled his eyes, pushing his friend as they walked over to alessandra's studio 

"no, i am not!" 

"just wait a year, maybe less..." 

"...nico, babe, what were you thinking about?" alessandra rubs her husband's back as he smiles 

"'99, when we first met in the studio when westlife and you were signed to rca records," nicky smirked as alessandra giggled, showing the photo he had found that had been taken later that day  

"holy crap, that feels like it was foredver ago now!" alessandra chuckled as nicky nodded his head in agreement 

"it really does, shane really was right..." 

december 1999

it was britannia's record of the year 1999, where both westlife and alessandra were nominated for record of the year with their songs flying without wings and breathe when it was shown that westlife and alessandra were seen walking in together, causing a right stir to all the magazines and paparazzi that showed up for the event. making the artists both giggle, none more so than alessandra and nicky, since they were shown walking in next to each other. it was wildly known within the magazines the whole year that those two had grown extremely close and was rumoured that they were dating since they were always seen out together. which, when it came to rumours around westlife and alessandra, people were shocked that bryan wasn't trying to ruin it since it was usually him that was in the magazines for those sorts of things. but, to be funny, nicky and alessandra started to put more fuel in the fire by constantly amping up their public outings and public flirting and egging on the photographers and magazines so they could get a reaction. 

for the first time this entire night, however, alessandra had walked off from nicky and their table as she had spotted shane chatting with ronan keating, westlife's co-manager, fondling a whiskey. 

"...hey shay, ro, can i sit?" alessandra asked sweetly, the ceremony not even begun filming yet, shane and ronan's eyes moving from their glasses to the young girl, both of them smiling back 

"hey aless, course you can," shane smiled, ronan smiling too, "where's nicky, thought you'd be joint at the hip," the fellow irishman chuckled before the three composed themselves, so as to not create too much noise 

"of course you did. but, nah, since the cameras aren't rolling, and before the evening starts, thought i'd just frolic around and talk to some people before the ceremony starts, ya know? just to release some nerves," alessandra smiled, making shane and ronan smile back as they empathised with the girl since record of the year was such a prestigious award show that was now in its second year 

"fair, i mean, record of the year can be quite stressful," ronan smiled with a shrug of the shoulders since it was his second year being nominated 

"do you think he's realised you've left him?" shane chuckles at alessandra, playing around with his whiskey that he was seemingly having trouble even drinking as the irish lass chuckled 

"i mean, i feel like if he had he'd be going on a manhunt right about now but, i think right now he hasn't noticed, why do you say that mr filan? you suspect mr byrne and i have a thing going on?" alessandra narrowed her eyes at the boy, bringing her hands underneath her chin as her elbows rested against the table as she moves closer to the sligonian who giggles hysterically and moves back instinctively, ronan quietly giggling, the three of them thanking heaven that they weren't on air right now 

"no, why would you think that? am i that obvious?" shane cackles, his head flailing backwards making alessandra and ronan shut shane up so no one else would hear them as they also start giggling 

"sssh, unfortunately, yes, you're not as slick as you like to think you are mr filan," alessandra giggles as the three of them calm down 

then, just as the three of them calmed down, denise van outen, the host of the 1999 record of the year made her way to the stage after the cameraman had announced that they were about to go live. this then worried the crap out of alessandra, the colour draining from her face since it was her first big awards show since getting her recording contract at the beginning of the year. both men, shane and ronan, noticed this and asked the girl if she was okay. 

"...aless, you okay?" shane questioned, snapping alessandra out of her disassociation as she smiled at him and ronan 

"yeah, i'm fine, why?" alessandra responded as the two lads looked at each other in worry 

"do you want me to get nicky or do you want me to walk us back to our table for the awards ceremony?" shane then asked as she smiled and nodded her head 

within minutes, nicky with two glasses of vodka soda had reached shane, alessandra and ronan. downing the two drinks, shane and nicky, along with alessandra in the middle of them, walked back over to the westlife/alessandra table for the ceremony that was moments from going live. 

let's just say that for the rest of the ceremony, nicky and alessandra did not leave each other's sides after the first time failed. that was until it was announced that westlife had won and had to perform their winning song one last time. 

"...nicky, do you remember when we went on tour together?" alessandra suddenly sks her husband as he tilts his head, trying to rack his brain of the memory 

"i'm trying very hard, why? what happened when we went on tour together?" nicky questioned, leaning against the table as alessandra pointed at a photo that showed the two of them together in the middle of laughter with the other members in the background

westlife and alessandra on tour

just one glance was all it took for alessandra to forget the next set of lyrics to her song as she tried her hardest to get back on track so she could remember the next set of lyrics so it wasn't the crowd singing the whole time. 

to the fans in the audience, it was obvious why alessandra forgot her lyrics and who that one glance was to. and nicky wasn't so slick either. the two had been making silly faces at each other until one of nicky's signature "nicky looks" caught her off guard and made her forget what lyrics were coming next in her song. 

after barely getting through the song due to her giggles, alessandra spoke up for her mini speech before the next song, "...gosh darn it, nicky! okay, for those who were concered or confused, the reason why i forgot the lyrics of my own song was because of nicky byrne from westlife! we were making silly faces at each other, as we usually do, when nicky caught me off guard with one of his famous "nicky looks" and it all just went to shit from there *giggles* so i apologise greatly for that everyone!" alessandra giggled, the audience laughing with her as she turned to notice nicky suddenly get all bashful and red in the face 

laughing cause she could hear his bandmates giving him some stick, alessandra spoke up again, "now nicky's getting teased by his bandmates which is the funniest thing in the world but, it is your fault, nicky!" alessandra joked as nicky shouted an apology which caused everyone to laugh again 

"i'm sorry, okay aless?!" nicky shouts as alessandra and the audience laugh, resulting in the couple, nicknamed nicsandra, also bursting out into laughter 

"i know, i was just playing with you, nico!" alessandra giggled as nicky let out a dramatic sigh of relief, the both of them really just teasing the crowd at this point 

"i take that back actually..." alessandra huffed as nicky's entire body shook in laughter, his head flying back as alessandra had a sly smirk that was twitching at her lips before she also broke 

"...you wish!" nicky snickered after he had composed himself from his full-body laugh as alessandra groaned and rolled her eyes after she had composed herself from her laughter as well 

"well, shit, i can't win this and, now i'm supposed to continue performing? how unfair!" alessandra huffed as nicky and the rest of the westlife boys and the audience found this entire interaction between the couple hysterically comedic 

"that's because you never do, i always win these things! i would've thought you'd know this by now babe, come on now!" nicky teased, not realising that he had just outed him and alessandra's relationship, causing the entire audience to scream bloody murder, alessandra's eyes widening and nearly giving herself whiplash from how quickly she turned towards her boyfriend

in an attempt to stop the fans from freaking out over this new revelation, alessandra tried to lessen the imapct, "nicky! no, guys, calm down, nicky and i are not dating..." trailing off at the end only because she knew that there was no way this could be fixed, nicky had seriously just outed his own relationship with alessandra after keeping it private for at best, a year 

"...yeah, nah, there is no way we can hide it now, sorry aless!" nicky hushed out after alessandra finished her set, causing the girl to smile, grabbing her boyfriend's face and kissing it 

"it's okay babe, i think it was starting to stress us out a little too much so, i don't mind that everyone knows now..." she trailed off as nicky's face lit up, not just in excitement but also due to the fact he was blushing 

"...cool, i agree..." nicky trails off as he giggles, before pulling alessandra in for a kiss causing the both of them to giggle even more as they touched foreheads before hearing the click and seeing the flash of a camera, making them giggle more 

"...babe, i had never felt such fear until that moment i accidentally outed us on our first tour together!" nicky chuckled as alessandra giggled hysterically, nodding her head in agreement as they looked at the photo where the memory had come from 

"i know! i was mortified but, by the end of it, i didn't care anymore since it did stop the magazines from constantly making rumours about us just to stop them from mentioning brian," alessandra giggled as nicky nodded his head, giggling too 

"honestly, at that point, i think i was too since we were so used to seeing brian in the magazines for the wrong reasons, i guess we also wanted to prevent that and how it could have potentially ruined westlife's image," nicky smiled as he rubbed his hand against his wife's back before giving her a kiss on the cheek and getting up to make dinner whilst alessandra continued to look through the photo album 

2004

"...wait, your full name really is nicholas bernard james adam byrne jr?" alessandra chuckled, she was currently staying with nicky in baldoyle and right now they were at nicky's childhood home, she had picked up a photo frame that she hadn't seen until this moment - a baby photo of nicky that had his first, middle(s) and last name engraved in the photo frame

"yeah...it's been like that my entire life, what about it baby?" nicky scoffed as he turned around to see what his wife had gotten into when he realised what she was holding 

"why didn't you ever tell me that james was really one of your middle names?" there was sort of a sad tinge in alessandra's voice when she asked that and, it saddened but at the same time confused nicky, who had placed the tea towel down and left the kitchen to check on his wife  

"i...i'm not sure babe, i guess our middle names really haven't eveer come up in conversation since our wedding, why are you asking that babe? i thought it was common knowledge that i had three middle names. is there something you haven't told me yet?" nicky was genuinely concerned as alessandra scoffed slightly as her husband tilted his head 

"james was the name of my brother that uh, that wasn ever born because of a very late abortion that my mam had taken..." alessandra trailed off in embarrassment, placing down nicky's baby picture as she sighed heavily - nicky was never told about that and, whilst it intrigued him, it worried him more so than anything else 

"...how late, if you don't mind me asking, of an abortion did mam have of baby james, babe?" nicky's face was genuinely a look of concern as alessandra smiled slightly as she placed her hand plam down against the old cabinet that had the old childhood photos, including that baby photo of nicky amongst other ones of him with his siblings, gillian and adam, scattered all over it

"at the fifteen week mark, two weeks after she had been told that baby would have a facial abnormality and a week after she had an early ultrasound to determine the gender of baby james..." she trailed off and it was very obvious to nicky that this was a thing that she rarely spoke about and he respected that but, it still hurt his heart as he never thought his mother-in-law would do something like that to a baby who was so close to being born, not that he was one to ever judge what a woman does to her body however 

"how...how did you and the rest of the family react? how did dad react?" nicky stuttered, feeling like he shouldn't have been asking so many questions but, he couldn't help it and alessandra was slowly smiling - as if talking about this trauma that she had shoved so far down was actually helping her relieve the trauma it gave her 

"we were absolutely appalled by what she did at first. i mean, i refused to talk to her and honestly, sometimes i still do as it's something my step-mam has trouble shutting up about at every family function even though it was a couple of decades ago now. dad was devastated, he didn't care if baby had a facial abnormality. he was just excited that we were bringing in the eighth kid as we all were however, mam, on the other hand obviously soon realised, as did the rest of the family, that if she were to carry the baby to term, it wouldn't just be bad for the baby but also get dangerous for mam as well. so, it was decided that terminating the baby was the safest bet, especially since she didn't want her already seven children to get older without their mam alive to see it," alessandra trailed off as nicky's face fell into furrowed eyebrows with a saddened look on his face 

"wow, that...that's awful and, i bet no matter facial abnormality or not, baby james would have been the sweetest little brother ever!" nicky smiles softly, placing his hand over the top of his wife's who smiled back as she nodded her head 

"thanks, nico, never knew i'd reveal that especially so soon after our wedding as it isn't technically my place but, i guess it's just been weighing me down lately..." alessandra trailed off as nicky's smile grew prouder 

"...and i'm proud of you my love... also, what's your middle name? you didn't tell me at the wedding so i had to stand there red-faced whilst my full name was recited out but yours wasn't,"  

"for god's sake nicky, it's sofia-anne," 

"have i ever told you that your middle name is absolutely gorgeous?" nicky just randomly blurts out as he mashed up the sweet potatoes as alessandra giggles and furrows her eyebrows in confusion 

"excuse me what?" she cackled as she went back to folding up clothes that had just been washed, nicky giggling softly as they kept an eye on the noise in the play room 

"your middle name bubs, it's very pretty," nicky spoke as alessandra blushed as she giggled out in embarrassment 

"awe, thanks my darling! i love it as well," she giggles softly as she places the folded jacket into the wash hamper 

"who gave you your full name?" nicky then asked, his focus more on his wife's name than the sweet potato mash, making alessandra giggle 

"dad did actually. he had always loved those three names, alessandra, sofia and anne and, he realised that they had a good flow together and, when he put it together with the last name, it was just nice and satisfying to say so, they decided to name me, alessandra sofia-anne buchanan, with sofia and anne being hyphenated," she smiled, shrugging her shoulders as nicky bit his lip - yeah, he still loved the hell out of his wife 

"that's adorable. i love that your dad chose it, i'm guessing that gave daddy the upper hand in the department of the favourite parent?" nicky giggled as alessandra nodded her head as she huffed some hair out of her face that was starting to become red 

"oh, for sure. daddy's girl from the start!" alessandra giggled which made nicky chuckle as well as he then continued on the sweet potato mash for his family's dinner 

wedding day, daddy/daughter dance, 2003

it was time for the daddy/daughter's first dance at nicky's and alessandra's french wedding and, let's just say, she was so very excited and, it was mainly due to the song choice. she had elvis can't help falling in love as a surprise for her dad as that song was the song he would sing her to sleep with every single night. 

the song started and straight away, alessandro buchanan, alessandra byrne's father couldn't hide the tears that had built up in his eyes as his little girl wiped them away. instead of her father singing the lyrics to his little girl, alessandra surprised her father and sang the words to him. 

"wise men say, only fools rush in but i can't help falling in love with you..." alessandra sang softly as the father and daughter duo glided softly on the dance floor, nicky watched on as he danced with his mother with a tearful smile on his face 

"...like a river flows, surely to the sea darling, so it goes, some things you know, are just meant to be..." the duo sang together as they hugged and swayed side to side in tune with the music 

"...take my hand, take my whole life too, for i can't help falling in love with you, for i can't help falling in with you, yeah..." 

humming the melody of elvis' can't help falling in love, alessandra continued to fold clothes as nicky heard his wife, "...you alright babe?" nicky whispered, hugging her from behind as the chaos of their two kids started to filter away into white noise as alessandra smiled at her husband 

"mhm," alessandra mumbled back, turning her head to smile at her husband as she then took notice of her and nicky's eldest daughter, sofia

"sofia! could you get your brother ready please, daddy's just about done with dinner!" alessandra called out, a happy squeal leaving sofia's mouth as she neatly put her toys away before gathering up her brother's toys as well 

"coming mamma!" sofia calls back, herding her younger brother upstairs to wash their hands for dinner, giving the husband and wife a few more minutes together alone 

"mmm, you think sofia and james will react well to getting another brother or sister?" alessandra announced casually as nicky's eyes widened

"what? seriously? you're pregnant again babe?" nicky gaped in shock as alessandra giggled, nodding her head 

"yep, i'm five months, just short!" alessandra squealed as nicky picked up his wife in pure excitement

"WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY, ALESSANDRA!" nicky screeched from just about the tops of his lungs as the husband and wife chuckled, hearing the increased pitter patter of feet meaning that most likely, sofia and james had heard their daddy scream 

fin

this ending is a sweet ending for sure that at the time i wasn't the biggest fan of but it has since definitely grown on me!

© amberswilddreams, 2024