ambiguitydream - Tumblr blog

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Same

don’t invite me unless these are the plans

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Being a highly sensitive individual, I tend to notice little changes. A person I used to have a somewhat casual relationship with suddenly started giving cold responses or outright ignores me. Then I find out they've had a fight with someone else in our social circle. But what does it have to do with me? Is there a sign on my back that says "deserves silent treatment"?

Trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're busy. But it hurts. Why is it whenever "those people" have disagreements, it gets taken out on me somehow?

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Hello ball of fluff <3

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ドーナツ、カフェオレ

ミスド〜🍩

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I think if I worked every day as much as I did today I would spend less time thinking how useless I am. I am not useless.

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I love school when it's empty after hours..

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I dislike being forced to sleep and wake up at a specific time. I dislike being made to feel like I'm lazy whenever I refuse to conform to these arbitrary rules.

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Laduree with my sissy

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Sometimes when I'm with family, the truth about my feelings about myself come out to the surface.

"I'll never be thin again,"

They keep giving me tips and tricks. Why don't you meal plan? Why don't you cut out X, Y or Z from your diet? Why don't you try intermittent fasting? Why not intuitive eating?

I already know how to lose weight. It's just so much more difficult mentally. I'm not looking for advice or for someone to help me or "fix" me. My negative feelings are valid.

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I'm not fat phobic. I struggle with self-image and have suffered disordered eating my whole life. I'm starting to feel like it's not possible for me to feel good about myself.

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Antique coffee & teacups have been an obsession for me.

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Espresso, GreenGate quilt & Yume Harry Potter mug.

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I'm convinced that certain people in my social circle just want to argue. I had the same issue with that specific individual. We can't talk about one topic without them turning it into a full on debate, no matter what it is.

They tend to repeat all the same misinformation. Sometimes it's information from a random source. Sometimes it's just something they overheard other people talk about. Sometimes it's a topic taken out of context.

The issue is not that they try to help or try to give advice. The issue is that they do it in such a condescending manner and will not even accept any additional information that will (usually) render their "advice" irrelevant because there's absolutely no way anything that they say could ever be wrong.

One day several decades ago this person who I will from here on I will refer to as "she", heard someone say that a certain brand of car uses way too much petrol. I think they probably meant a specific big type of car, like an SUV. Sure, SUV's aren't known for being cheap in terms of fuel. But they stuck to that story that was taken out of context. They tell people, "don't buy this SUV - buy THAT one (the one she has, ironically) because it doesn't spend as much petrol as the other one".

I happen to use an SUV from the brand that she doesn't like/accuses of being bad fuel economy. The one I was using is their biggest model. It happened to be the one my mom's family didn't need as much so I was the one using it to carpool my kids around. It happens to be bigger than the SUV that she uses so naturally, mine probably burns more fuel. It's to be expected.

So one time in a group chat I was trying to compare sizes of the SUV that I was using to another kind of SUV... both were in similar categories in terms of size, price and fuel economy; but I wanted to make sure since our social group chat had a few people who were more knowledgeable about cars. Like I said I was only asking about size in order to compare it to mine in terms of ease of parking space. NOTHING else. She started to parrot the same old story, "but that brand uses too much petrol,"

I didn't ask!! And if she didn't know, she shouldn't have joined in the conversation.

Then one time before I bought my own car, I was asking around (in the same group chat - because again, some people in the group have tried several different cars because they enjoy them etc) about a car from the same brand, but a much much smaller model. Again, she said "but that brand uses too much petrol,". I didn't ask you, okay? I just didn't. I was asking others who actually have the information I'm asking about!

I thought it was just me that she likes to argue with. It made me feel slightly guilty that maybe I did something to cause her to want to argue with me all the time. But now I'm hearing that she does it with other people, too, and they get tired of trying to explain to her that she isn't even on the same page as them. For at least 8 years now I have not had any private conversations with her anywhere, not on social media or WhatsApp even if she's there at a social function, I try not to be alone with her. Because even if I say, "you're right," or try to change the topic... she Just. Wont. Stop.

Then she says, "I don't know why people think I'm arguing with them all the time and get mad at me!!"

I wonder why...

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I love it so much 💓