amoristt

[amoristt]

Ohh my, I have been revisiting the Grazing the Fire fic every few months just hoping you would grace us with an update and now I see you wrote two!! Thank you! I love it <3 and another LiS piece right on top, feels like Christmas ✨

im so excited to be starting another nathan fic! grazing the fire has so much still to offer if i could just sit my dumb butt down and write it lol. im happy almost ten years later ppl are still looking for updates thats so crazy to me!!!

[amoristt]

how is namgyu and his girl doing from the night falls like heaven? in your opinion does he keep his promise in being a good bf after the series ended?

the way i see it, he does keep him promise! he's still kind of a dick because lets face it- that's simply his personality, and growth is not always linear. but i definitely do see him trying to keep his girl happy and refraining from making the same mistakes as he did prior to the break up it's a learning curve for him because he's never had to do better for anyone. not even himself, bc hes always been content w his lifestyle even if it left him feeling pretty unfulfilled. so now he has to actively catch himself from falling into the same habits and potentially losing you again

[amoristt]

finding your writing has truly been a blessing for me so thank you for sharing your writing with the world

THANK YOUU this means so much to me ugh ive been feeling kinda meh abt my works recently so this really just hits me right in the heart i love u

[amoristt]

i need someone to request daryl dixon fics im absolutely FEIGNINGGG

[amoristt]

would you ever right for thanos? and if so could you do the same fic you did with nam-gyu where the reader gets high with thanos for the first time?

「 ✦choi su-bong/reader ✦ 」 tags: sfw // drxg ment, fluff

a/n: YUHHHH wordcount: 1,600

you’d always imagined your first time smoking weed would be something extravagant. like thanos would reveal some giant glass pipe and an entire arsenal of different green buds of leaf. but instead, on the rooftop of his favorite nightclub, he reveals to you his favorite “toy”. 

the endless chatter of people below and cars honking somewhere deeper in the city heighten the silence between you two, your eyes focused on a small piece of plastic in his hands, a stare more puzzled than you’d wanted to let on.

“that little thing is gonna get me high?”

thanos offers a single nod, nothing more. 

“...i see.”

“tonight,” he begins, with a puff to his chest a glimmer of determination in his eyes. he clicks buttons on his vape a few times until it lights to life with green LEDs. “you will experience the thanos lifestyle.”

“the thanos lifestyle, huh?” 

although your voice leaves you much more unamused than you were letting on, there was no denying the flash of excitement riveting through you. you’d always been curious- but whether it be money troubles, people troubles, or just outright not trusting what your other friends had offered you, you’d had yet to really give smoking a go. 

“alright, my girl, watch and learn.” thanos brings his vape to his lips and takes a long, deep lungful. does it almost annoyingly dramatical, like you’ve never even seen such an act before. like you didn’t hang out with his same crowd and watch your friends smoke themselves stupid on a near regular basis. 

“it’s pretty much the same as cigarettes, yeah?”

“cigarettes are for bums.” smoke puffs from him as he speaks, voice strained as he holds his breath. your brows knit.

“bums? you said it was hot when i smoked.”

thanos’s eyebrows raise for a moment, sheepish. “thats cuz you’re hot, baby.”

there’s no holding back your eyeroll, equally as so no way to stop the amused scoff that leaves you. the vape ends up in your lap, settled there by his lingering fingers while he let himself empty his lungs.

“go on. it’s still warmed up.” thanos doesn’t even cough. he’s a pro, after all. a dabbler of all substances- some even you weren’t aware of even after being attached to his hip for the better half of six months. 

a pang of nerves strikes you when you pluck his vape into your hands. “...what if i freak out?”

“you won’t.” says it like he knows for a fact, but it doesn’t exactly make your fears wash away. when the uncertainties of your expression don’t sooth away, he starts again, wrapping an arm around your waist. “have i ever led you astray? hm?”

“...no.”

“exactly. thanos doesn’t lead anyone astray. put your trust in me, baby.”

everytime english pet names meet your ears you can’t help but feel yourself cringe. but it seems like it works, some-fucking-how, because the next few seconds are taken up by you bringing cold plastic to your lips and huffing in a deep breath. thanos sits at the edge of his metaphorical seat.

your first impression is that it’s much more pleasant than cigarettes. not so much of a scald on the way down. 

watch, and learn. 

so you hold your breath just the same as he did and you fight the rising tingle sputtering up the passage of your throat. knocks at the door of your lips, makes your cheeks run rosey red and builds tears in the corners of your eyes. when you finally breathe out the slurry of smoke, the feeling only gets worse, and your lungs protest with great volume. 

“see! this is as bad as it gets. next time will be so much easier.”

despite his amused laughter, thanos’s hand pats away at your upper back, from the moment it begins all the way to the moment your wheezes settle into heaving chestfulls of air. when you can well and properly breathe again, you wipe the tears from your eyes and offer him a wobbly smile.

“how you feel?” he asked, ducking down to meet your gaze, that purple hair of his catching in the glow of LEDs below. 

“honestly, nothing yet.”

“give it some time.” 

until that point comes, thanos decides to tug you against his side and fill the night sky with more heaving lungfulls to smoke, misty puffs swirling in the air and rising into the endless depths. 

when it does come, you notice it weirdly enough, in your ears before anything else. one moment you’re as normal as normal could be and the next it feels as though your earrings are weighing you down. and then that feeling spreads like heat to your neck, your jaw, your chest. settles like lead in the fibers of your muscles.

thanos clocks it the second you let your weight fall onto him. 

a light thrum of your heartbeat under your skin that you can't quite tell if you like or not. 

“is it normal to be able to feel your heartbeat?” you ask, focusing on anything else except that. you hone in on him, the outline of him. beautiful lights shimmering over his jacket and purple hair. 

thanos hits his pen again and nods, speaking through misty clouds once again. “it goes away after a bit.”

“oh.”

“feeling good?” he runs a hand through your hair, huffing out his hit. 

“mhm. mostly. not a big fan of the heartbeat thing.”

“you just gotta get your mind off it.” he says, rubbing your shoulder.  “i know what you need.” his arm draws from its place around your side. 

“yeah? and what’s that?”

“you need the divine lyrics of the one, the only, legendary thanos.”

you laugh. you don’t mean to- but you do. “you’re really gonna rap for me? just bust it out right now?”

all he offers in return in a nod, and before you know it, he’s conjuring up an imaginary beat. 

“baby, you make me feel whole- you make my love feel out of control. i’d treat you so right- i’d make you my goal.”  his hands move out in front of him as he goes, shifting to the beat bumping in the back of his head. “you know me, thanos, so clever. so stay with me girl, and be mine forever.”

raising his brows, he awaits your response. unfortunately for you, though, as endearing as it had been, you still find yourself leaning into him and giggling away. 

“huh?” he pushes your shoulders and stares at you, a hand on his heart. “you didn’t like it?”

“i loved it, i loved it.” words forced between floating laughter. thanos clicks his tongue and lets you crush yourself to him, arms wrapping to lock you in place. 

“that was some good material, you know.”

“i know, i loved it.” it takes all two seconds for you to find his cheeks in your hands, even less time to drag him down in a kiss. partly to shut him up, but mostly because he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve had the pleasure of seeing. 

thanos, of course, is all too happy to return the sentiment. grumbles a short you better before he lets himself curl over your form. he urges you back, gentle pressure of his form against yours until you can’t help but tumble backwards. your spine meets hard concrete but the smile on your lips refuses to falter. and when he’s had his fill, he leans back and drinks in the sight of you beneath him.

a sweet, bubbly, obviously stoned sight. 

thanos flops down next to you, rests his hand on his chest and sighs up at the stars. you, on the other hand, feel as though you’re never going to be able to leave this place. that you've become one with the roof and the stars and the cool breeze. 

“you chillin?” you hear his voice next to you, and you respond the only way that feels honest.

“i’m…” you breathe in, then out. “hungry.”

a low rumble of laughter sounds. “yeah?”

“mhm.”

“lets go downstairs,” he starts, hoisting himself to his feet. “we’ll get a table.” 

but you honestly could just morph into the ground and feel perfectly happy there. under the night sky, above the rhythmic thrum of EDM vibrating through the floor of the ceiling. it’s a perfectly warm night with just the right amount of breeze to rustle through your hair. thanos isn’t having it, though, an antsy man to his very core. so before you know it he’s reaching down to capture your hands in his own and you’re being hoisted up to your heavy feet. 

“you gonna make me carry you?”

“i mean…”

“alright.” thanos laughs deep in his chest, and suddenly the EMD feels like nothing compared to the rumble of him pressed against you. 

honestly, you’d thought he was joking, but a few moments later he’s crouching in front of you and beckoning for you to hop onto his back. you gawk at him, and he senses your hesitation and urges you again. 

you feel… shockingly weightless on his hold. his clothes are soft, his arms are stronger than you realized. the unmistakable scent of citrus shampoo, and the hum of his voice. thanos rises to his feet.

resting your head against his, enjoying the softness of his hair he so rarely let you touch, you let your eyes slip shut before he began trudging towards the rooftop doorway. the moment the door is open, music assaults your ears, but you can hear him regardless. 

“this is a once in a lifetime legendary ride. you’re lucky you know.”

there’s a moment where you can’t help but just giggle and grin like an idiot against him. the music grows louder by the second, and you’re sure this piggy-back ride would be short lived, but for now you’re just enjoying it. enjoying him. 

wondering how you found yourself in this position.

a smile on your lips drawing so deep into your features you’re unsure if you could ever look sad again.

 “yeah,” you murmur. “i know i’m lucky.”

[amoristt]

getting high w thanos for the first time posted tonighttttt hyuhyuhyu

[amoristt]

omfg i read gtf on ao3 (cs lets be fr, scowering scraps on ao3 has been all i had since tumblr BARELY has nathan fics) and MY FUCKING DUMBASS didnt realize that the gtf over THERE is the same gtf HERE.

gotta say, i absolutely fell onto my knees when i saw it wasnt completed on ao3 cause its SO. DAMN. GOOD. it's perfect, it has the right amount of EVERYHING (i skim through when i read anything but this time i SAT and i PATIENTLY read it cause i know this high i'll get wont last forever) and this will forever be my niche roman empire 💔💔

anyways sorry for rambling LMFAOO i dont usually brick shit rambles like there but keep up the good work, i'll be supporting and reading from both ao3 and tumblr!!! 💗

RAAAHH i cant believe i didnt see this until now??? thank you SO much this means so much to me. gtf means so much to me (surprising since i never freaking update, ikkkkk) so seeing ppl enjoy it makes me feel so good waaaah

[amoristt]

how to live

「 ✦nathan prescott/reader ✦ 」 -this is a commission fic! so some personality and physical traits will be specific to the commissioner <3 tags: sfw // alc ment, vomit mention (mildly), arguing, enemies to lovers, reader is a total baddie fs, nathan is... nathan lol

a/n: i'd like to thank not only god, but jesus, as well as @plstc0flwrs for commissioning this piece <3 here's chapter one out of (i think) 5 or so! i am so excited to be writing a fresh nathan piece UGHH god is good word count: 2,600

Bass and rhythm pumped through the floor like a heartbeat. Ripples sprouting in your cup while you stand inches from the epicenter of the sound- massive speakers nearly matching your height only feet away from a long table lined with solo cups. You’ve missed every shot, blaming it on the fact that this decked out old barn is darker than hell other than disorienting neon lights. Even though you lose, and you lose hard, you drink anyway. There’s a grin and a bark of laughter in between the gulps. 

From the very first time you’d heard the words Vortex Club uttered amongst your friend group, you were more than determined to get in. And now that you’re here, you’ve decided to not let such a privilege slip though your fingers. Especially so because this was the party- the last one before summer vacation. Just a mere week and you’d all be howling at the moon until the sky was breached with dawn. No homework, no grades. 

It’d taken some time to get in. Lots of connections were made in the process, and so did countless favors, but when the moment came… it was perfect. In your best outfit, your best make up, even the waves of your brown hair were cooperating. You’d waltzed right up to the girl playing bouncer and told her your name. Truth be told, after watching more than a few students be turned away, there was a part of you that was worried you’d be sent packing along with them, even though you had Logan’s blessing.

But you were on the list. And you were invited. So you let your spine straighten out and you walked right past her and into the pool room. The assault of colors and music was instant, and even though adrenaline pumped through you in droves, you decided the barn was the best place to begin your Vortex Party journey. Cup pong came moments later, along with a line of shot for the onlookers.

Music, alcohol. Pure, undeniable fun. 

It was like finding home. 

Your cuppeth runs dry eons before you’re comfortable calling it quits. So, naturally, you stumble your way through the masses of blurry bodies and drag your hand along the rickety wooden walls to keep yourself upright. It’s a trudge to the pool room but you make it, and when you arrive, you try your best to not make a mess all over the table as you pour yourself another round of crimson punch. 

Partiers are jumping in the pool, glowing in the LED’s. Projectors in every corner dot the ceiling with shifting stars and swirling vortex imagery. Outside, you can see through a door propped open, is a group of teenagers surrounding a beam of red light. That peaks your interest. Although you had every intention of returning to cup pong, this seemed to call you like a moth to a flame, wide eyed and ready to indulge. 

They’re lighting fireworks. Long rows of them, all at once, letting the flame lick into the wicks before they all disperse and duck for cover. Now that’s what you’re talking about. Excitement is already riveting away any nerves you could possibly feel, and you go hauling out that door without a second thought. 

Straight into something hard and particular boney. All angles and a deep rooted oof! ripping straight from the source as your bodies tumble to the hard floor. They’d came from your side, trying to barrel through the same door and feel the cold air on their skin, but the fucker hadn’t even bothered to realize you were standing right there. A blur of blonde hair and a red jacket. 

“Dude, what the fuck!” You rub your elbow you’d landed on, glaring daggers at the form in front of you scrambling to their feet. A male, you realize, who’s holding his gut and swaying as he brings himself upright. 

“You- ugh! All over my clothes! Do you know how expensive this is?!” 

His voice is shrill over the music, like daggers in your drunk ears. Any vibe you’d found yourself in successfully shattered as you gape up at him, watching punch drip, drip, drip down his clothes. He’s entirely soaked in it- and though he’s a face of red and raging, you’re so drunk you just laugh bitterly at the state of him. 

“Serves you right! Watch where you’re going!” 

A pop of white light explodes in the night sky and illuminates his face. All of him, at once.

“Watch where I’m going? This is my fucking party, hoe!”

Nathan fucking Prescott.

Punch soaks into his chest, his arms, his legs. For a moment, he’s like a demon before you, ready to reach out and throttle you good. But then he stumbles back and loses his balance. If it weren’t for the frame of the door, his ass would have met ground all over again, but he catches himself. In that moment you realize he’s either about to puke or pass out. Maybe both, by the looks of him. 

You could almost do the same. 

But instead he just sloppily pushes off the frame and disappears outside. Gone in the blink of an eye. You wait in the wake, staring from the floor and watching fireworks dazzle the crowd of drunk teenagers. Bright pops of glittering sparks, an abundance of laughter and cheers between every whistle of the rocket. 

That should be you out there. 

You peel yourself from your spot and wobble to your feet, clutching the very same frame of that doorway as Nathan had moments ago. One foot in front of the other, the horizon growing topsy turvy by the second, you wade your way outside and leave your empty cup rolling on the floor behind you. Bounding for the group, eager for a good time, you nearly meet the wall of their backs before you see movement in the corner of your eye. Someone’s throwing up in the bushes, and by the looks of them, it’s pretty damn rough. They’re leaning a flat palm against the school’s wall to stay upright, the other pressed firm to their gut. Between the pops of light cracking through the sky and the fairy lights swaying in the breeze, you catch glimpses of the details.

Blonde. Red varsity jacket. Totally fucked up.

Nathan, again. 

You know you should leave him be- you’ve already had to hope he wouldn’t remember your unfortunate run-in, but then he nearly topples over and you feel guilt eating shreds of dignity from your heart. 

You tell yourself he could have alcohol poisoning. And then, you tell yourself maybe if you helped him with this, he’d forgive you, even though it was totally his bad in the first place. 

There should have been more hesitation, but there isn’t,, and before you can stop yourself you’re suddenly a mere few feet away asking if he’s alright. 

Nathan can’t even respond. He’s retching something awful- long, painful sputters that make you feel as though you’re going to get sick too. He’s making some sort of motion with his hand towards you but in the darkness you can’t see much. Carefully, you pull your phone from your pocket and turn the flash on. 

“Hey, do you need me to call someone?” You manage, but you're sure you’re slurring every other word. 

From the corners of his eyes he’s glaring daggers, an expression drawn so deep in anger you’re unsure if those lines could ever leave his expression again. The blue and green hue of a firework lights him up, makes the outline of him shimmer. 

“Are you- Stop fucking recording me!”

“I’m not! I’m trying to help, do you need me to c-”

Nathan doesn’t give you the benefit of the doubt. He lunges from his spot and successfully grabs your phone from your hands in an instant, and then he beams it over his shoulder. You hear it clatter with the wall before you see it tumble to the ground behind him. 

“Dude!” You shove past him, nearly landing him flat on his ass all over again, rummaging through the grass to pick your phone back up. You don’t even need to see it with your own eyes to know it’s destroyed, your fingers grazing an array of cracks the second you find it. “My phone! What the hell is your problem?!”

A whistle riveting through the air, a pop of red glow overhead, like clouds of blood. 

“Don’t ever record me!”

Your phone’s screen turns on, peppered with black blotches overtaking the screen, lines of white devastated pixels obscuring any of what remains. “You broke my phone, dickhead!”

“Oh, I’m gonna do a whole hell of a lot worse than that if you post that shit anywh-”

“Woah, woah,” Another voice. Another guy, stepping in. “Nathan, you good man? What’s going on over here?”

Over your shoulder, you take a glance. A taller jock, this time. Dark skin and darker hair, equipped with the matching varsity jacket. 

You both start at the same time, a symphony of distress. 

“That bitch is shoving her camera in my face!”

“He broke my phone!”

“Okay, woah.” The jock throws his hands up and then kneels beside you, takes a look at the damage. “We’re you recording him?”

“No, I was trying to help him. I was trying to make sure he didn’t have alcohol poisoning or something.”

“My man never gets alcohol poisoning." The jock laughs when he says it, but you find hardly any of this amusing. Quite the opposite in fact. He takes a better look at Nathan, who is now leaning his entire body weight against the wall. “You good, dude?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Hayden, I’m fine, bro.” Nathan shrugs, but it comes off more like a limp shiver. 

You throw your arms up, frowning. “What about me? He broke my phone- how the hell am I supposed to get back to the dorms?”

“I’ll give you a ride. No biggie.”

“And my phone?”

“Look, he’s obviously fucked up right now. He’ll just pay for it tomorrow.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes and huff, crossing your arms. “Whatever. Just… Take me back, then. My entire night just got ruined.”

“Oh, boo-hoo.” Nathan scoffs. Karma bites him before you do, however, because a moment later he’s leaning against the wall again and gagging empty retches into the grass. 

The jock, Hayden, nods and seems to deflate along with the de-escalation. He guides you back to his car- a nice blue ride with an entire dashboard of LED’s that light to life when you sink into the passenger seat. You click your phone on and off, hoping that somehow, one of these times it’ll just fix itself. But it doesn't, of course, so the festering irritation only grows under your skin. 

“I can’t believe he threw my phone like that.” You grunt when Hayden gets in beside you.

“Nathan can get pretty crazy. He’ll get it sorted out.”

“How can I trust that?”

“Because Nathan can be a dick, but he’s not that much of a dick.”

“Yeah, sure he’s n-” 

And then speak of the devil, the backseat door is thrown open and Nathan crawls in more akin to a corpse than anything else. 

Through the mirror, Hayden takes note of the punch spilled all over Nathan’s front. “Aye, bro, you spill your drink or something?”

Nathan can’t muster up words anymore, but he can muster up that petty attitude. He throws an arm up, points at you and grunts, making his friend raise a brow in your direction. 

“You dumped your drink on him?”

“No, he ran into me at like, a million miles an hour.”

“Lies.” He pipes from the backseat.

“Not lies! You should’ve had your eyes open.”

Hayden puts the car into drive and Nathan shifts with the gravity, groaning out grumbles of curse words. 

“Slow down dude.” He manages. You roll your eyes for the second time.

“Oh, boo-hoo.” 

“Don’t boo-hoo me bitch, I’ll have to dropped from this sch-”

“Nathan, dude, come on.” Hayden pulls onto the road and settles into his seat. 

Nathan responds, but you can’t quite make it out. You aren’t even sure you need to hear it to know. Hayden just shakes his head and turns the music up, drowns out the blonde's drunk ramblings, either to avoid further arguing or because he can't stand to hear it any longer, you aren’t sure. 

You’re grateful, regardless. 

The rest of the ride home is the simple sound of rap on the speakers and low, pained groans from the living corpse in the backseat. It reminds you of the nights you’d spent leaning over the toilet, clinging to porcelain for dear life. The undeniable sign of a true partier. 

In another life, maybe, you two could have had some fun together. 

But definitely not this one. 

The dorms stand tall in a dimly lit parking lot, only half full of cars. Yours is at your parents house on the other side of town, naked down to its rim and frame, out of commission. 

“Sorry about your phone. We’ll get it sorted tomorrow.” Hayden says, always the reasoner. Trying to make sure you don’t get too pissed off about it.

“It’s whatever. I just wanna’ go lay down. This whole thing just totally ruined my vibe.”

Throwing the door open, you invite the crisp air. Nathan hums something slurred and incoherent, so you peek at him one last time. He’s laying on his back with an arm thrown over his eyes, the other resting on his stomach. Even though he’s an ass, and even though he definitely owes you for your phone, you can’t help but feel bad for him as he grimaces with each shift. So before you shut the door, you give Hayden one last glance. 

“Thanks for the ride,” And one final look at Nathan. “I hope you’re all good. Sorry for spilling my drink on you. Even though you totally deserved it.” 

You don’t let him bark something back before you’re tossing the door shut. He still manages, though. He always does after all. His hand is visible through the window, as is his middle finger. He’s brought himself up to lean on his elbow, flicking you the bird. Rolling his eyes and falling back flat when you toss one back.

Hayden pulls away when you get into your dorm, and you do what you can to start erasing this entire mess from your brain. Pushing into your room, you chug a bottle of water and pray that in the morning you aren’t in the same state as Nathan before class begins. So far so good, you even remember to wobble into the bathroom and wipe away all your make up, revealing your freckles to the world once again. You pray that in the morning this whole deal feels like a far away dream.

So, your first Vortex party didn’t go exactly as planned. Disappointment would be an understatement. 

Totally fucked up, in fact. It was mind boggling how one incredible evening could sour so fast at Nathan’s touch- but based on the rumors you’d heard cycling the halls of the school, that wasn’t exactly an uncommon event. You just happened to be the sore loser on the receiving end this time around. 

Oh well. Tomorrow you’d deal with your phone, and then he’d be out of your hair for good. 

You’re soothed to slumber counting sheep and reminding yourself that in one week you’d never have to see him again.

[amoristt]

Will you ever do more Nam-gyu smut? Asking for a friend (I'm the friend)

i will! im a bit preoccupied with a fanfic commission but when the right idea comes along ill fs write more lol

[amoristt]

hi :) I love your fanfics and was wondering if I could request a nam-gyu x reader story where instead of junhee being pregnant in the games, it's nam-gyu's ex gf. hurt/comfort would be nice and maybe add smut if possible, thank you!

hey anon! ily but as per my rules the only thing im not comfortable writing is pregnancy ;__;

but since i have some free time and i dont wanna not answer this, ill do a small lil thing just for you! in the future tho y'all pls make sure to give rules a quick look before requesting! <3

if you had told yourself months ago you would be at nam-gyu's side, more spent than you'd ever been in your life, swollen bellied and all, you would have laughed. or socked whoever said it directly in the jaw. one of the two, surely.

but here you are. shaking in your place, alive under his ever wandering hands, as if he hadn't already explored the entirety of you. as if he hadn't already had you keening harsh whimpers into the crook of his neck.

now, afterwards, it's still just as silent as it was before you'd let him back in. the sounds of sleep only accompanied by heaving chests and lung fulls of gasping air into each others skin.

he's a beacon of warm you hope you siphon from, hands finding every bit of him, clammy or not. broad fingers settle over your belly where they linger, tracing circles into the tightening skin.

it's strange- he's never been sweet like this. makes you think that perhaps if he had been like this before you never would have left in the first place.

a part of you kicks yourself for letting him back in like this. easy, and eager. but then you look around at the vacant beds. you look at the swollen piggy bank taunting you overhead, fat with grief and blood. reminds you that this, that he, could be gone in the blink of an eye.

and he's still tracing his thumb over your belly, and he's kissed you at least a dozen times on the side of your head in the last 3 minutes. for the first time since you'd arrived, you feel safe. protected.

so more than anything else, you actually feel grateful.

tomorrow would bring new horrors of their own, but nam-gyu tells you not to worry about that right now. he instead invites you to shrink into his side, welcoming the weight of you. pushing your hair from your face and harping on and on about your life together when you both make it out.

because you both will make it out, he says. he'll make sure of it, he says.

but as confident as he tries to sound for your sake, you know he's trying to convinced himself just as much. anything to fill the dreadful silence.

a million promises and three heartbeats thrumming to the rhythm of uncertainty.

[amoristt]

thanos x reader - first time smoking shouldddddd be posted tomorrow :3!!!

[amoristt]

please do reader getting high w namgyu for the first time 🙏

「 ✦nam-gyu/reader ✦ 」 tags: sfw // drxg ment, fluff,

a/n: ive thought about this in lengthhh ugh i loved this prompt wordcount: 1,400

it was no secret that in regards to drugs, you were a virgin of sorts. barely even dabbled in the world of nicotine and cigarettes, more privy to alcohol than anything else. nam-gyu's world was so different than your own, like two magnets dancing the line of attraction before inevitably colliding. with it, came a whole universe of new.

you'd always thought your first time dipping your toes into the waters of substances would be somewhere more... discreet than parked at the far end of paragons parking lot. hours ago the open sign had dimmed to darkness, and customers and patrons alike meandered home, desperate to find a pillow for their tired heads before the sun breached the horizon.

in some ways, you too, were desperate for a pillow to rest your head. ever since nam-gyu had thrown his arm around you months ago, with a wink and a nudge and that sly smile of his, you'd found your bedtime had drastically jumped from a polite ten at night to now a raging six in the morning. a bed sounded quite lovely.

but the hood of his car offers little back support, and the sun threatened to peek over the horizon and with it came a crisp morning breeze. a sense of regret is starts to tingle away at your nerves, rattling chimes of sense back into the wrinkles of your brain. nam-gyu lights a blunt and leans to offer you the enticing roll.

you’d been on the fence. so much so, it felt like you may never leave, but ultimately nam-gyu had been the stronger force. goosebumps ripple over your skin- whether from anticipation or chill, you can’t tell. 

the sky, once a inky endless vast of depth, began to shed away in hues of blues. but even so, under the streetlight, orange flickering light bathes that blunt plucked neatly between nam-gyus fingers. 

“come on,” he urges, a shit-eating grin playing in full over his lips. “before it burns out.”

it’s feather light, but the idea of it is heavier than you’d expected. hesitation didn’t come naturally but it did in this instance, made you hover the blunt inches from your lips as you flickered uncertain expressions to your partner. 

“why are you scared?” he jests, holding up a lighter, cupping a hand around the flame. “you wanted to try it. you're not gonna pussy out, are you?”

“you are way too into this.” you grunt, wrapping your lips around the end of the blunt. the moment it makes contact, there he is, sinking the end of it into that licking flame. the heat touches your chin, your nose, before it relights herby paper.

“alright, there you go. now just- in,” he lifts his hand and sucks in a deep breath, puffs his chest out before he dramatically lets it all out in one long sigh. “out.”

your nerves rise with the inhale. the moment milky smoke touches your lungs, the paper cover searing and simmering away in a glow of red, it’s so foreign you almost sputter out right then. but nam-gyu’s obvious excitement does little else except spur you on. you rip in that breath and you let it linger for a second longer than you probably should have. 

the way in was easy. smooth, in one fell suck of air.

the way out, not so much. 

the tickle starts a moment after you think you’re in the clear. a slow, fuzzy draw up the chimney of your throat. he can see it on your face plain as day- and the fucker is already snickering with those narrowed eyes and that devious grin.

that tickle snowballs into an outright retch- a cough so deep and true it racks your shoulders with every hit. red faced, hands pressed to your chest lie it’d save you. what must be seconds lingers like a lifetime, until you’re struggling to swallow in gulps of air with tears stinging your eyes.

“oh- shit-” you wretch, managed to finagle a few breaths of air between spasms.

“that always happens the first time. think of it like a right of passage.” nam-gyu’s hand pats at your back deceiving sweet, those long fingers of his rubbing your shoulder soothingly. his laughter betrays him. low, quiet. expectant. 

“this sucks. this sucks.”

“you gotta hit it again.” he brings the blunt back up to your lips, and for some reason, you listen.

you suck in another hesitant breath that nearly catches in your throat, but you do regardless. it's easier this time but you can't avoid the second onslaught of wheezing coughs sputtering from you like an old engine.

he lets you settle like that, leans back on the hood of his car and watches every shift of your expression. gauging, almost.

the minutes draw by, the sun begins to peek in glimpses of hot red over a blue sea of sky. at first, you feel nothing. but then...

it starts off slow. enough so, that you almost don’t catch it, until suddenly your chest feels heavier than you remember. the shakes of a chilly dawn come to a stop and you're warm- warmer than you should be. nam-gyus touch is amplified in the best way possible. 

you were sure, with your entire being, you were going to spend your first time high genuinely tweaking over something. whether it be your heartbeat racing in your ears, or the uncomfortable settle of your bones, the possibilities were endless. but… it’s nice. 

it’s easy. and it makes you lean your head on his shoulder and giggle away at nothing. you let all your weight fall on him, and he’s all too happy to accommodate the shape of you. 

“feel good, baby?”

“mmm,” it’s hard to answer, but you do it anyways, for him. “i do.”

nam-gyu is almost uncharacteristically sweet tonight. treading on eggshells, making sure to do everything right. making sure you don’t get scared off- even when he’d absolutely love to poke your sides and make you squeal. either way you’re loving every second of it, so you sprawl over his lap like a cat and he pets down your stomach with a grin playing over his lips. 

he’s beautiful in this light. beautiful always, but especially so like this. the streetlight flickers but it encapsulates him in shimmering gold. his hair falls around his face as he watches you, paws at you. 

“tell me a story.” you mumble, eyes half lidded, drinking him in. 

his brows raise. “what? a story?”

you shift in his lap. “mhm.”

it takes him a few moments to conjure something up, but when he settles on the perfect memory, you can see the exact moment it all comes flooding to him at once. 

“alright,” he starts, leaning back with his hand pressed flat to the metal hood, ignoring the sounds of it’s protests. “this one time at paragon, there was this huge fight.”

"yeah? what about?"

nam-gyu runs a hand through your hair. "it's a long story, you know."

“perfect.” you giggle. 

if there's one thing you'd learned about him, nam-gyu loved it when you just... listened to him. let him ramble on and on about things you could barely even understand. sometimes, afterwards, when he'd ran out of steam and the wall of memories ran dry, he'd pet down your sides and smile to himself.

this time is no different, and he relights the blunt and lets it dangle from his lips.

it’s not a funny story. quite the opposite, actually, all things violent and drug related spats, but you laugh along with him anyways. and he laughs too. laughs deep, in his chest, sometimes leaving him in puffs of grey as he finished the blunt off. 

by the time he wraps it all, you’re as heavy as lead in his hold, and you're rumbling with purring giggles. 

“you wanna head back to my place?” there’s a tone to him you can't quite place, but strikingly, it’s not nefarious. or maybe you’re just that comfortable- who knows.

"yeah." but when you try to lift your head, you feel as though you're glued to your spot.

"are you gonna make it?"

"i might need a few minutes."

his home is heaven on earth, his bed even more so. but until you get the chance to slink under those heavy covers and wrap yourself around him, you found yourself struggling.

it takes longer than you’d like to admit for you get up, hop down, and toss yourself back into the passenger of his car.

nam-gyu teases you the entire way.

[amoristt]

hi!! so good to see you on here again, missed your writing so much <3 what are your thoughts on s3? i didn't expect a happy ending, but i'm still so heartbroken uughhhh

my friend that shit had me punching and kicking the air 😭 and like. im not gonna sit here and be like “what a horrible ending!!! wtf!!!!” bc i get that youre SUPPOSED to be sad but man. it did not make me feel good at all. i really wish it had gone in a diff direction ☹️

[amoristt]

foaming at mouth

Hi! I lovee your work it's so good and you portray Clark amazingly! If requests are open I would like to request Clark with a super shy reader that gets really excited by the things Clark does to her and he notices and tries to get her to ask for more and he teases her…

clark kent could hear your heartbeat from across the bullpen. which wouldn’t mean much if it weren’t for the fact that it always spiked—embarrassingly so—whenever he so much as rolled up his sleeves. which, he’d started doing more often.

not that he was showing off. or, well, not intentionally. he still buttoned all the way to the collar and kept his tie in a respectful double windsor. never touched you without explicit permission or more than propriety would prefer. barely even brushed your arm when reaching past you at the copier. but that didn’t stop the sound of your pulse from thudding in high-definition stereo. the moment his palm rested against the small of your back or his voice dipped into that low register—bam. your pulse jumped, thighs squeezing tight under your skirt. he could hear you. smell you. and bless you, you always tried to hide it.

but being the man of steel didn’t necessarily mean his willpower matched the title.

sometimes, on the occasions when he was feeling especially unfair, he’d lower his voice and ask, all good-natured concern and utterly disingenuous, “you okay, hon?” flustered beyond coherence, you never managed a real answer. stammered, nodded, eyes darted straight to the floor. “gosh,” he’d say then, nudging his glasses higher with a sheepish wince. “didn’t mean to rile you up.”

it wasn’t just how badly you wanted—though that part always humbled him. it was the way you wanted. quiet, so tightly wound. and the pride he felt when your composure gave out in inches, never all at once.

his favourite part though, was the hesitation. the excruciating pause right before you finally asked for more.

now, you’re laid out on his couch, fingers knotted tightly in his shirt. his mouth slots over yours in unhurried laps, tongue slipping past your lips with disarming tenderness, deepening with each breath you surrender. when he pulls back to breathe, a clear string of spit tethers your lips.

your hips move in stilted little tilts against his thigh. seeking contact. trying to be subtle, failing miserably. and that noise you made—a small, breathy whimper—makes his cock twitch beneath his slacks. eyes wide and glassy, you’re stunned by your own desire. you didn’t mean to let it slip. he knows that. but the damage is done. still, you won’t say anything.

fine. he can wait.

clark leans in, his breath stirring the tendrils of hair at your temple. “use your words, honeybun,” he croons, voice pitched in rasp, edged with expectation. “i know what you want. but i wanna hear you ask for it.” his hand coasts beneath your skirt, fingertips skimming the juncture of your thigh with brazen finesse. lingers there—administrating languid strokes designed to coax you into your undoing. his other hand tilts your face up. thumb brushes your lower lip, coaxing rather than commanding.

“sweetheart,” he murmurs, head canted slightly to study you, “you want something?”

your throat bobs with the effort to swallow nothing.

good, he thinks.

“c’mon, you can tell me. don’t make me guess,” he goads, a soft lilt in his tone. “might start assuming all kinds of things.”

the pads of his fingers skim higher, teasing the edge of your underwear without fully slipping beneath. when your hips lift upward again, he holds you still.

not a word out of you yet, but it doesn’t matter. your body’s given you away in full. his face nestles into the crook of your neck, lips curling into a self-satisfied smirk.

“you get this worked up from one hand on your leg?” he chuckles. “imagine what happens when i use two.”

[amoristt]

Hiii I have a request if you feel up to it👀 how about In-ho having a girlfriend during season 2. And he sneaks out to have sex with her every night while just pretending to go to the bathroom. They have to be quick though so no one gets suspicious about him leaving but he just reeeeaaalllyyyy wants her. Thank youuu!

clockwork

「 ✦hwang in-ho/reader ✦ 」 tags: smut // quickies, sliiiiiight angst but barely, publicish sex, afab!reader, p in v, unprotected, c.pies

a/n: YAAA i love this!!!! reader is his gf who lingers around his room while hes busy with the games <3 teehee wordcount: 1,450

its the same time every night- the same buzzing florescent lights flickering onto the cold, uninviting tile floors. the rooms empty per usual and uncomfortably quiet. some nights its unbearable. some nights it feels like being exposed, a sheep waiting for the slaughter.

second to last stall, always. 10pm sharp and ready for him. standing and waiting, peeking through the crack in the stall until finally the men's door creeps open to reveal exactly what you had been waiting for.

there he is. all of him- stoic and broody thinly veiled with soft eyes and an even softer smile. with his hair down like this, he comes across so harmless, so unassuming. it's a beautiful contrast to the methodic, captivating man you'd fallen in love with. there's burning within him you only sense, only you could feel. when he captures you against the cool tile of the bathroom stall and cages you within his arms, your heart is already thrashing in the cage of your ribs.

from there it's clockwork. your blood crashes in your ears as your legs are hoisted up around his waist, perched perfectly in the dip of his sides, like a puzzle. it's hard to make it last when he leans forward and ruts against you, even harder when his tongue finds your neck and laps marks into your skin. he's already painfully hard in his sweatpants, anticipating his nightly affair before he event gets into the room at all.

its hot, its suffocating, the ghost of his breath over your skin and the drag of his rough hands down your back, down your hips, then gripping the plush fat of your ass. you couldn't escape him even you wanted to- but you were sure, now more than ever, nothing could frighten you from this.

nothing could spoil the excitement of watching him finagle with the hem of his sweatpants and let his cock spring free from its confines. and truly, with your entire soul, you were sure there was nothing that could stop you from reaching down between your bodies and finding his leaking tip.

he makes a noise from the back of his throat and it's something prefect and raw and it that makes a shiver ripple up your spine. you wished more than anything else you could have more time- to make him keen and gasp into your ear with every teasing stroke, but time is of the essence. even this is risky, being with him at all a danger to his cover and a danger to your very self.

so you let your feet touch the floor only long enough to shove your pants down and off and then you're back to your place, pressed firmly against the wall. he bites a mark into the skin of your shoulder, you breach under his shirt to drag your nails down the length of his back. his muscle twist, sparking to life and writhing under your touch.

when his cock finds you, desperate and hard, in-ho rocks into you with one single thrust. you always accommodate him, even when it feels like he's so deep you lose track of where he begins and you end. every time without fail it punches the air from your lungs, makes you squeeze around his length until he's struggling to keep his composure.

there's a long moment, a pause, your hands clutching desperately to any skin you could find and his breathing cut short in your ear. he's never been the most vocal man, but he shows his unravel in other ways, starting form the tension in his jaw all the way down to his cock twitching inside your heat.

"oh god," your voice is a pathetic whimper. cracks and jumps when he reels back just to bury himself to the very base all over again.

burying his face in your neck, drinking in the scent of you, he grunts out muddled obscenities you barely manage to hear over your own keens. at some point he decides you're too loud, and he brings a hand to cover your puffy lips and hush all those lovely cries.

in-ho has nothing to say tonight. he's desperate, more desperate than you've seen so far. he hoists you up with one arm and presses the other flat on the stall wall beside your head, uses it as leverage to crush you against the surface and make sure he can bury every inch inside of you.

the games must be getting to him, his urgency growing by the second, frantic to fill you to the brim before anyone has the chance to wonder where he could be.

if you could savor something- anything in your life, find a way to make a moment last a lifetime, it would be this. your body melting like putty in his hold, useless and drunk on the stretch of his cock. heels finding their rightful place at the low of his spine urging him deeper, deeper, deeper.

but the moment slips through your fingers like sand and before you know it heat washes through you in waves, starting from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, your very soul rocked with every thrust.

"im-"

"i know."

he cuts you off with a grunt, changes the angle and makes you howl and wrench around his body. its too much, you can barely breathe, can barely even think. can't do anything but tip your head back and feel the waves of pleasure wind you up before you're crashing down.

it takes all you have not to cry out, curling your toes and clenching your thighs around him so tight it almost makes him hold in place for a time. almost. gushing around him adds fuel to the burning fire, his hips pistoning against your own until you're seeing white and writhing in his hold.

forget whatever you sauid earlier. if you could capture a moment, it would be this.

in-hos getting sloppy now, you can feel it, bucking into the wetness of your release and reveling in the slick. when he's close, he gets messy, needy, and that stoic mask of his melts away in something beautiful. something entirely raw. something that makes him grunt whines against the skin of your neck and makes his hand grips bruises into your flesh.

once, twice, he buries himself within your cunt until he can't seem to bear it any longer. it's shameful the way he ruts into you, his own seed spilling onto the cold floor and around his cock.

only when the electrocuting pleasure subsides from coursing up and down his spine does he finally slow his hips into an idle rock. tip to the base, slow and tortious, feeling you for as long as he possibly could. head lolling to the side, properly fucked, you let him until he's satisfied.

"i wish you didn't have to go back." your murmur between gasping pants.

"not much longer." he's no better, but he kisses your jaw, chaste and sweet.

"promise?"

in-ho keeps you balanced in his hold, but he pulls back enough to see you, to touch his forehead to yours.

its the rare times you see it in him- the passion. he kisses you so deeply you wonder if it could be the last time, if somehow he knows something you don't.

you hate knowing it very well could be.

"promise."

when he sets you back down its like being filled with lead, a heaviness settled deep into your bones that makes every move harder than you remembered.

he leaves first- he always does. but first, before he settles his pants back around his waist and saunters out from that stall with less tension than when he'd entered, he drags your own pants back up to your hips and captures you in yet another kiss. a shier ripples through him when you run your fingers through his hair. there's reluctance, begrudgedness, in the way he peels himself from your hold.

just as he had the night before, and all the nights before that, in-ho makes sure to remind you to wait exactly three minutes before scurrying back to his chambers.

full of his seed, drunk on his sex. lonely with the emptiness of his side of the bed.

before he goes, he checks his appearance in the mirror, tidies his hair, and grants you a smile. he takes a longer final glance than usual, this unreadable woe settling into the warmth of his features.

"i'll expect you tomorrow. at the same time."

[amoristt]

pretty please i’m begging on my knees for you to do a pt2 of “always”🙏🏼

i would but hoenstly idk how i could make a second chapter without it jus being a repeat </3 anyone have ideas???

[amoristt]

pleasee write a namgyu x reader fic where theyre a toxic couple and always get in arguments but make up, like a repeating cycle. its up to ur creative interpretation to make up what they fight about, i just dont want smut, mentions are fine but id prefer mostly angst!!! :33

always

「 ✦nam-gyu/reader ✦ 」 tags: sfw // hurt/comfort, angst, toxic!reader and toxic!nam-gyu, drxg ment, no one is a good person lol

a/n: TY FOR REQUESTING! i hope you enjoy this! i never get to really get into writing toxicity so this was fun wordcount: 1,800

the balcony was always your favorite part of nam-gyu's apartment. for such a shady complex, the view was immaculate. a gorgeous view of the sky, the glowing neon's and hues of the city nightlife below. you always watched like a bird- an outsider to the human experience. a million blurry bodies scurrying to and froe.

but tonight, it's silent. more silent than it's been in years, you think. the moon is uncharacteristically uninviting, the clouds cover any stars twinkling in the vast blue. your breath leaves you in puffs of grey, accompanied by the smoke of your cigarette perched between your shaking fingers.

whether it's quiet because the night has come to an early end, or because there's a sea of rage behind your eyes drowning all else out, you aren't sure. the only thing you are sure of is the draw of your lips into a rigid frown and the burn of smoke filling your lungs. your eyes cant seem to focus on anything in particular, thousands of yards away, peering into the nothingness.

as if summoned, the source of it all pulls the sliding door open and plops down beside you on the bench.

nam-gyu moves like he couldn't care less, but you can see it the moment you decide to spare him a glance. tense jawed and twitchy. as always.

out of habit, or out of sheer stupidity, he extends his hand and offers you a plethora of colored pills.

"no."

"no?" he retracts his offer, stares into the pile. "why not?"

"unlike you, i can go five minutes without getting fucked up."

"unlike me." his scoff pisses you off so badly you could cry. "you keep telling yourself that. i'll remember this, the next time you come crying to me begging for more."

your jaw ticks, heartrate already starting to come up. he was going to kill you one day, you were sure of it.

"i don't have to beg for them, you can't handle it when i don't get high with you."

"because when you're sober-" nam-gyu stops himself, gives it a moment to think, before his anger gets the better of him per usual. "you can be such a bitch. i like you better when you're high."

you glare at him. hard, pointed, meanwhile he's caught somewhere between guilt and irritation.

"why did you come out here? to pick another fight with me?"

a shrug is all you're given in response. you wish you could pin all this turmoil on him. but you can't, because as though it were your very nature, you decide to poke the bear.

"go on, then. let's hear it. tell me again how i'm being such a cunt and ruining the vibe. go on."

nam-gyu grunts, shakes his head and stares down into his lap.

"fucking asshole. come on, i know you want to. you shove his shoulder, your back pressing against the armrest to face him entirely. "or just pop some more pills and make both of our lives easier."

"it's your fault," the seeds of loathe are sprouting, infesting. "maybe if you didn't make my life so miserable all the time i wouldn't have to."

"please." laughter leaves you in bitter barks. "you're such a junkie you'd be an addict no matter who you're with. i'm just the only one willing to put up with you."

nam-gyu narrows those almond eyes of him and even under the dim moonlight, you can see the fire. the anger. the constant tenacity of a pish and pull neither of you understand why you keep alive.

"so go then. get out and go somewhere else." he fishes a single pink pill from his handful. "you won't. we both know it."

for a long moment, you're silent. the outburst drains you, the mood swings are impossible to keep up with. a riptide that yanks you from shore to shore.

a part of you wants to relight the viscous cycle. bite back harder, deeper. draw blood and rage. but another part of you, one that seems to grow by the day, asks you why you do this to yourself. why you look him in the face and sneer, and scoff, and taunt. but never leave.

why you were the one willing to put up with him.

when you look away, you can feel his eyes following you, studying you. he presses a pill to his lips and finally, you speak up.

"alright."

nam-gyu drops the drug back into the palm of his hand, stone faced.

"alright?"

"...alright."

he narrows his eyes again, tilts his head, demands you look at him head on. "what does that mean, huh?"

"it means," your tongue swipes over your lips, uncertain. "it means that i should go."

"go where?"

"home, jackass. anywhere but here, with you."

"you can't go home."

you knew he'd say it before he even uttered the words, but it still strikes you like lightning. still makes you grit your teeth as your cigarette idly burns out.

he see's the weakness and he pounces.

"when's the last time you even talked to your parents, huh? four years ago? you think they want anything to do with you?"

"thats not fair."

"be realistic."

"than i'll go somewhere else. any where's better than- than fucking-" you look around, throwing your arms up with a huff. "here!"

"don't talk stupid like that. you would freeze to death out there, in the streets."

there's a shameful sting of tears beading in the corners of your eyes, because you know he's right. there is nowhere else for you. hell, you barely belong here.

perhaps it would be better if you simply did meander your way into the streets, find random street bench to make your eternal resting spot. the defeat sinks into your shoulders.

"sometimes i wonder if you'd prefer that." you whisper. almost instinctively, you brace for his scathing reply.

go, then. he'd tell you. you'd be doing us both a favor.

but it doesn't come. he simply palms his drugs, and shoves them back into the pocket of his sweatpants.

"don't say that." he says, and he suddenly finds that he can't look at you anymore.

"i'm serious."

"shut up."

the bear gets another poke.

"but you're better off without me, yeah? since i make your life so miserable?" tears breach your waterline, cascade down the mounds of your cheeks.

another.

"just fucking tell me you hate me, and i'll go. i'll leave right now and you'll never hear from me again."

silence. he stares off into nothing, unreadable.

your face twists into something unrecognizable, hurt and pissed and defeated. finally the strength to get up comes in bursts, and you bring yourself to your feet, bounding for the door. you're sure he's going to watch you go, sit back on the seat and wait for you come crawling back as always.

so it really does stun you when you're stopped in place, a hand clutching tight to your wrist.

"nam-gyu," your voice comes out uneven, embarrassingly so. makes you feel even smaller than you had moments ago. "i can't do this shit anymore."

"you're being emotional. sit back down."

"i'm serious, i'm tired."

his other hand comes to join the first, pulling you, dragging you back down to sit with him, to suffer with him. and you're letting him- you're letting him reel you right back to where he wants you. step by step, its so easy. easier than anything else.

there's no one else to blame except yourself when you settle down beside him, and there's no one else to blame when you let him reach up to push at your head, forcing it to rest on his shoulder.

"just hang out with me. we're fine."

you sniffle, wiping hard at your tears. "we're not."

"we are."

"why do you even want me here? since i make you so miserable?"

"stop with that shit, would you?" he turns to face you, uses his sleeve to wipe your tears away. and then he has the audacity to kiss your forehead, plant another on your temple.

he kisses your nose, tries to capture your lips but you turn sharply.

"i cant, nam-gyu."

"why not?"

chaste kisses against your cheek, over and over again, creeping closer to your lips.

"come on..." he breathes, fingers catching your chin to try and make you turn back towards him. you do little to resist, but he coos regardless, sweet things you only hear when he worries he may have gone too far this time around.

he holds the sides of your face in his hands, so sweet and tender, so different than before on the turn of a dime.

"nam-gyu, you make this shit so hard. i hate it."

"i'm sorry."

but you know he doesn't mean it. not even when you finally turn to face him and he takes the first chance he gets to crush his lips against yours.

when he breaks for air, you whisper, "i hate you."

"my girl." he murmurs against your lips. tears gather at your chin and dot your pajamas bottoms. "i need you."

"i hate you. i really do."

"i love you." nam-gyu pulls away but only to yank you to his side, kissing the side of your head and planting his hand over your own. "here, let's just chill out, alright? we'll talk about this tomorrow."

you hear the shuffle of fabric, and before you know it, you're staring blurry eyed at a pill inches from your face. you pluck it from his fingers, and bring it to your lips, even when you know you shouldn't.

"....you really only like me when im high?"

nam-gyu shakes his head.

"...okay."

against your better judgement, you swallow it down.

your partner, your lover, your worst enemy. he kisses the top of your head again and slings his arm loosely over your shoulder, the other still clasped overtop yours. he draws circles into your skin with his thumb, lures you in all over again, sooths those tears and those lines in your face.

you're sure hours from now, you'll either be back at each others throats, or you'll be somewhere lost between him and his sheets, wondering why you're doing this to yourself all over again.

but for right now, the clouds are starting to dissolve in the sky, and twinkling stars are poking through the plumes of grey. or, at least, you think they are. as the minutes pass the world creeps to life, the magic little pill settles into your bloodstream and turns all those terrible feelings into tingly numbness.

you let yourself sink against him, and you try to convince yourself that the way he's running his fingers over your knuckles is love.