amseltv

[amseltv]

My favorite part of writing is when I get to that part of "oh god it's shit it's so shit what do I do now it's so shit my beta readers hate it and are too scared to tell me it's so shit oh god oh god oh god."

It's a good place to be

[amseltv]

I love setting up a traumatic past as completely normal actually. And then as the character interacts with "normal" people the characters can react horrified and they just have to settle into the fact that oh yes they're actually quite fucked up and not okay

[amseltv]

I'm putting this here as a prediction for how the book will be perceived so mild book spoilers ahead.

Orlen is supposed to be pathetic and loser coded. If you look at him with no preconceived ideas you would say "wow what a toxic loser he is." But because he's attractive people are going to be all over him and excuse how shitty he is. (And that's kindof the point) I just know in my heart and in my balls he's going to get baby girl-ified. And you will have proved my point. (If it ever gets a live action version I want to cast Jack Wolfe for this very reason)

There's my prediction. Don't worry tho (would)

[amseltv]

[amseltv]

Facial dysmorphia is so wild cause sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like "damn I wish I looked like that all the time." ...motherfucker you do. That's your face dumbass. That's what you look like! What is wrong with you!

[amseltv]

I was at a social gathering this weekend and I was dissociating hard because it was very loud and I hadn't left the house to socialize in over a month. Anyway one of my in-laws POINTED AND LAUGHED AT ME FOR DISSOCIATING!! This in-law is also in school to become a therapist and is way past old enough to know better. Anywho how was your weekend?

[amseltv]

What REALLY fucks me up is when people you've known for years misgender you. Like damn so you really still just see me as a girl that fuckin sucks

[amseltv]

Reminder that no matter what your authors beliefs will always seep into their writing. With that being said here's a clip from my book

[amseltv]

So as it turns out listening to Next To Normal on repeat while in a bad depressive episode actually makes your mental health worse

Idk who could've guessed that but I'm going to try and stop listening to it so much

[amseltv]

Amsel! How did you write over 150,000 words in less than a month? I could never!

You wanna know how I did it? I'm fast and you're slow that's how I did it

(I'm also severely mentally ill)

[amseltv]

Sometimes I come up with banger lines and sit back wondering why I ever stopped writing in the first place.

The love they made was a practice in desperate worship. In needy devotion. The forgetting of the gods they were chained to. Flesh was their offering. The trees were their witness. The soft release of breath was their sermon.

[amseltv]

Yes I'm normal about my book and it's characters why do you ask? Oh these? Just studies of my ML's teeth... why do you ask?

[amseltv]

Absolution: begged his desperate hands.

Guilt: growled his hammering chest.

Damned: screamed his shaking legs.

"We can run away." Said is aching lips.

(I loved this quote from my book so much but I had nowhere else to put it so here you go Tumblr watchers <3)

[amseltv]

Writing is truly crazy because I swear I had a plan for these characters and then they mother fuckers went and fell in love! I didn't say they could do that! But here they are desperately in love! And now I've gotta be the asshole that keeps the ending I already had ruining their lives!

[amseltv]

I don't want to write a plot twist. I want to write a plot that you can see coming from a mile away but the MC is too deep in their own head they can't see it until they're slammed head first into betrayal and there's nothing you as the reader can do to stop it

[amseltv]

[amseltv]

So picture this. Your classic "slay the dragon" fantasy book that's not so secretly an allegory for growing up religious and trans and coming to terms with your god not being real. Non-binary MC, sapphic side plot, and magic that makes you crazier the more you use it. Eh? Eh?