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[anaantf]

“you’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.”

— 𝘜𝘯𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳.

[anaantf]

“Why do you not fear me as the others do” asked Ares, “do you not know that I am the God of tragedy and pain?”

Aphrodite’s hand stroked his hair gently, “my darling, what do you think love is if not a synonym for tragedy and pain. We are both a darkness and a devouring, just in different ways.”

- Nikita Gill, Excerpts from Maidens, Myths and Monsters

[anaantf]

selected diaries, virginia woolf / abandonment (the pair), henri de toulouse-lautrec / pillow thoughts, courtney peppernell / in bed, henri de toulouse-lautrec / work song, hozier / the two friends, henri de toulouse-lautrec / portrait of a lady on fire (2019), dir. céline sciamma

[anaantf]

“i remember you”

i say

as i

i watch his lips curve

into a smile

it fills me

with warmth

and i’m

starting to feel

lightheaded

“how do you do that?”

i ask

“what?” he says

and the familiarity

is insane

“make me feel like i know you

like we’ve been

together for lifetimes now”

we’re in a field

picking strawberries

and every time

i hear him

say my name

the world isn’t the same

i feel like a hero

i feel like the galaxies lie at my

fingertips

and his goodness

it feels like honey

dripping

drop

by

drop

it drips down

onto me

holding onto

the last touch

before he leaves

“honey,

i’ve only adored

you

lifetimes ago,

and here we are.

it’s nice to

see you

again.”

and he walks away

leaving the

weight of

the world

to sit on my heart

with an

ache

it was beautiful

while it lasted

until my mother

woke me up

with a

shake.

-anaan

@reminiscingagain on instagram 💓

[anaantf]

a few days ago

i realised

i had a caution sign

on my heart

i was too scared of it

being broken

so much that i

refused to let anybody in

because i feared

anyone who

entered

would walk

all over it

chew it up

and spit it out

in seconds

it was too delicate

to be dealt with

in any way

other than

being carried

gently

in hands just like a

bed of clouds

ever so soft

but i knew

it would never

go as i planned

for even

a bed of roses

has thorns

that would eventually

hurt

wound

break

this fragile heart

and

make my vision

hazy

i was too scared

of being vulnerable

with my scars

open for the world to see

too scared of

what would become

of me

if i ever

happened to find this heart

in someone’s

hands.

-anaan.

@reminiscingagain on Instagram💓

[anaantf]

if i spoke about you

to every stranger i came across

there would be

so many

in love with you

the way i once was

there would be

so many

whose eyes shine

at the thought of

you

so many who are

reminded of

you

every time that one

song

comes on

if i spoke about you

to every stranger i met

they would all

be shattered and hurt

and maybe

just

maybe

turn into poets

because that’s what you do

you make people

bleed

on the bathroom floor

and on paper

you cut them open

with

each word you

speak

if i spoke about you

to every stranger i saw

maybe i’d finally

learn

to let go

of you

little

by

little

as i tell them about the time

you put flowers in

my hair

and maybe they’d

fall in love

with you more

and i’d fall out of it

so if you ever

come across a stranger

who looks at you

like they’ve

known you

for a while now

don’t be surprised;

that was me

trying to

get over

the ghosts of

our past.

-anaan

@reminiscingagain on instagram 💓

[anaantf]

sleep.

they tell me to go to sleep

like there isn’t a whole war being fought in

my head

like it’s as easy as resting my head

on a pillow

and forgetting that misery has its

arms around me

like the weight

of my blanket doesn’t remind me

of every little thing that’s been

keeping

me down

it reminds me of

how i made my mother cry

when i didn’t eat for days

and

about that one time

i fell in love

with this guy

with dreamy eyes and

a voice so beautiful it could

make the birds sing along

but i was too afraid

to tell him

because i knew

i wasn’t good enough

not for him, but to be loved

i convinced myself

i did not deserve to be happy

because what have i truly

contributed to this world

ever?

so i drove away every little thing

that made me

happy

and i lay in bed at night

flinching at memories of

when i could’ve

been genuinely happy

but i chose to be

broken

hurt

miserable

only because i decided

i did not deserve good things

those are for good people

and i’m not

one of them

for i have failed to make

anyone happy in this life

and the weight of

not being good enough

and every other little thing that i

have denied myself

keeps me up every

single night

and this is why

i can’t

sleep.

~anaan

@reminiscingagain on instagram💓

[anaantf]

Study advice from a former/still procrastinator🧠🔍

So I’ve always stuggled with procrastination. I would stress myself out over doing no work and my solution was to continue doing no work. I got okay GCSE grades but if I would’ve revised/studied harder I could’ve done a lot better. These tips aren’t going to motivate you by themselves, unfortunately nobody can motivate you but yourself. I hope these help someone :)

Visual learners👀

Mindmaps help so much. Use as many or as little coloured pens and highlighters as you like. They really help you visualise the basic content of each topic.

Diagrams! But I don’t study a subject that uses diagrams? It doesn’t matter! Draw little diagrams and doodles to help you picture the content in a more fun way!

Colour code everything! Colour coding really helps you create cues. Cues are essential in recalling information so if you write your notes for one topic in purple and there is something purple in your exam you will activate that cue!

Sticky notes! You can put these everywhere. For my GCSEs, I had sticky notes: on the hallway mirror, in my sock draw, on the fridge, stuck to the TV remote. Literally everywhere you go on a regular basis or everything you use. Use digital sticky notes on MacBooks or set alarms with the info as the title of the alarm.

Use kahoot! Everyone knows what kahoot is so I’m not going to explain it. However, it is very fun and competitive and if you struggle to enjoy the content using a kahoot makes it a lot more fun.

Audio learners🎶

Record lectures or online lessons. You can use these to look back and listen to what your teacher is saying, listen to what they emphasise.

Watch YouTube videos on the topic. Honestly, ASAPScience’s songs helped me so much in GCSE science. It’s easier to understand and it gets stuck in your head if you want it to or not. (Just don’t listen to songs before opposing subject exams: I once had the periodic table song stuck in my head during an Literature exam- not helpful.)

Create mnemonics!! Just liked in primary school when we learnt the colours of the rainbow by remembering “Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain”, it’s so helpful. And, the stupider and funnier the more you will remember it.

Written learners📝

Rewrite them notes!! Rewrite them in different colours, type them up. Write them and see how much you can remember after 10 minutes.

Revision/note cards are amazing. You can lay out revision cards however you like. You can have them as questions with the answers on the other side, you can use it for the basic information or to just rewrite your notes in a form you can easily carry around with you.

Exam questions. This isn’t only for written learners, it’s for everyone. Anyone who ever has a test or exam for something. Use past exam papers or practise questions. Answer them and then use mark schemes to grade them. You’ll learn how to structure answers for different types of questions and you’ll also learn timing. It’s the best way to revise!

Overall tips🪄

You need to find something to motivate you. For you it can be getting into university, to show off to someone or even to just reward yourself. In all honesty, I use spite to motivate me. To prove people wrong and show that I’m more capable than they thought is an easy way to get myself to study.

You have to force yourself sometimes. There is never going to be a time where you want to study that extremely difficult topic that you haven’t been able to grasp. So you have to push yourself- this is harder for some than it is for others. But once you get into the swing of pushing yourself a little, it does become easier.

To counteract the point above, you have to take breaks. And I’m now taking, an hour break for 10 minutes of work. I mean, study for 25 minutes and have a five minute break and continue that. Get up, stretch, walk around, listen to song, get a snack and some water. Shake your body because sitting at a desk for hours on end is only going to hurt you.

Find a study buddy. Some people work better alone, I know I do. But some people need others to keep them on track and that’s perfectly okay! In my opinion, you shouldn’t choose your best friend as your study partner unless they are going to be strict with you. If you know that the person you plan to study with is only going to distract you, then pick somebody else.

Use a study group! Similar to a study buddy but in this case you can discuss the material you are going over and ask for other’s help. Peer mark fake questions for each other or again, do a quiz. Pick the right people and a study group will work perfectly!

Find a way to shut your brain off. Easier said than done, I know. But if you’re brain is pumping out thoughts about what you’re having for dinner or the show you watched last night, then you aren’t going to get anywhere. Some people use rain sounds (like me!!) but I wouldn’t recommend listening to music. You may think you’re new Playlist is going to get you excited to work but it’s only going to distract you. If you want to listen to music I would recommend purely instrumental music of songs that you don’t know- they’re plenty on YouTube!

Use reminders on your phone or study apps to keep you on track. I’ve heard so many people talk about the app, Forest. I have given it ago and I’d fully recommend it too. It has built-in reminders, sounds to listen to (and we know I love rain sounds) and small achievements to keep you motivated. You get rewarded with a tree or a few trees after your study session and if you get enough coins you can plant an actual real tree!! If you don’t want to pay £1.99, I completely understand so I would recommend Flora. It’s free and has almost all the same features as Forest. Give them a go!! (I will make another post about the differences:))

Speaking of phones, turn yours off!! Unless you’re using it for studying, in which case disable all notifications for a select period of time. You can set screen time limits on IPhones and if you really need it, get someone else to set the password so you can’t simply override it.