anadrym

[anadrym]

GUYS PLEASE TELL MY BRAIN TO STOP HAVING IDEAS, I CANT KEEP UP WITH ALL THESE WIPS

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When there's a tv episode full of emotional and physical whump

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Reblog if you’re grateful for your commenters <3

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its healthy for your paragraphs to vary in size, good for the ecodiversity of your doc

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Something I found on Twitter that really puts things in perspective as a creator.

[anadrym]

my dream as a fanfic writer is for one day, one of my fics to be someones comfort fic. like the fic that they reread when they don't feel good and want to be happy. i want my words to comfort someone one day

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where is all the art that perfectly appeals specifically to my exact tastes and desires and nobody elses

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absolutely HEARTBROKEN to find out how few Cait/Vi fics there are under the "presumed dead" tag on ao3

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courtesy of my roommate

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“What if I write it and it’s bad-”

WHAT IF YOU WRITE IT AND ITS GOOD? WHAT IF YOU WRITE IT AND ITS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED? WHAT THEN????

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hey

two questions

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My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

[anadrym]

how are you gonna be 31 and posting fandom content bro leave it to the teenagers

People 10 and 20 years older than me are writing your favorite fanfics, and drawing your favorite characters. You'd have no fandom without the people you think are 'too old' to have hobbies.

[anadrym]

I have read fanfics that have left me in tears, both happy and sad, had me laughing my ass off, wanting to scream. Fanfics might be seen as weird and taboo (weirdly enough) but no one can say that some fics aren’t so well written it feels like you’re reading a best selling book!

[anadrym]

Extended Author's Notes for Left Behind Ch17.

Spoilers!

Chapter title is from "Cascade" by Satron Paint Samuel. Very pretty song. :)

At 5590 words, this is the longest chapter so far! It will be dethroned by the next one, which is pushing 7k.

I feel like I keep making Cait touch Vi's tattoo, but like. Of course she does. It's her name, the name they tried to turn into a number but couldn't. And names have kinda become a thing in this fic. Caitlyn and Ghost, Vi and Number 6 / "the girl", [REDACTED] and [REDACTED], etc.

And, of course, one of the first things Caitlyn tells Petra is Vi's name. :')

Okay, so the whole part with Caitlyn panicking about the serum and whether it's keeping Vi alive? That was all added later. I'll admit, I originally forgot to address it until y'all brought it up in the comments a few chapters back. I couldn't find a place to fit it sooner, which ended up working out. Cait was too preoccupied with getting them out to consider it, so she didn't think about it until she was safe enough.

So, I don't know if this is a big reveal or anything, but... The Baroness completely misled Caitlyn (and you guys). The serum they've been using in Maintenance is entirely to keep Vi under control. It has absolutely nothing to do with Vi's revival after being shot. That was achieved via a different serum, which has not been necessary since.

Also, I love Petra just cutting off that downward spiral by calling bullshit. It's a conclusion Caitlyn would have come to on her own if it wasn't her partner's life that she was fretting over.

During her realization, Caitlyn goes absolutely still - no blinking, barely breathing, staring blankly into the distance - which is why Petra looks so unnerved.

Vi's head injury (from the bullet) is completely healed. It is not affecting her ability to understand speech or anything. That's entirely the control serum (an unintended side effect that the Baroness happily took advantage of). So, as soon as they can get the serum out of her system, she'll be able to start verbally communicating again.

They will end up doing a series of blood transfusions. We're not going to see them (I'm tired of Vi being unconscious, so we'll be back with her next chapter), but they happen and they help.

I don't like writing hospitals. I don't know how they work and I'm honestly not quite interested enough to find out. So I will avoid them as much as possible in my writing. That's why Caitlyn refuses. Luckily, Petra knows someone who knows someone.

Petra sees how pale Caitlyn is, sees that her hands are shaking, and realizes that Caitlyn needs to eat and drink. She doesn't say anything until after all of Vi's wounds are bandaged because she knows Cait won't even listen until then.

The bruising from the restraints is on Vi's wrists and ankles; since the injuries are on the insides of her elbows and thighs, Petra isn't too worried about bandages there triggering something. She has to ask about Vi's neck because she doesn't want to risk it.

(I want to write a fic where Vi is collared. The guard dog imagery is just too good to pass up.)

Oh, I am never going to get enough of side characters calling Vi and Caitlyn each other's "girl." There's just something about "your girl." The recognition of their complete and utter devotion to each other, to the point of possession and codependence? Maybe?

I think it's really good that Petra calls Caitlyn out here. 'Do you trust me or not? If you came here for help, then let me help you.' She knows Caitlyn is still in survival mode, where she can't trust anyone, and she's telling her that she made it. She doesn't have to just keep surviving. She's safe now, and she can let herself feel all the things she's been surpressing. She can let someone else take over for a bit. She can focus on healing.

I was having so much trouble keeping track of who was on which side of the bed. I'll have to sketch it later.

Caitlyn keeps touching Vi lightly, afraid of waking her or triggering her or hurting her. And Vi keeps pressing into the touches. Cait is focused (for now) on the physical wounds. By Vi is used to hurting; she just wants the comfort of a touch without the intent to harm.

Cait is still in survival mode. Everything is a potential threat. Which is why she reaches for her gun when Petra comes back into the room. Petra can tell that Cait still needs time to let go of that defensiveness, so she doesn't hold it against her.

I originally had Petra give Caitlyn a glass of water, but when I was editing, I was like, "Oh, wait, she has low blood sugar! She needs some juice!"

Hooray! She's eaten one (1) whole sandwich! She's had water and juice! Yay!

Yes, Petra is actively trying to give Caitlyn even the smallest sense of normalcy that she can.

Petra giving them clothes makes me think of Captain Shakespeare in Stardust. :)

A new problem comes to light. If Vi hasn't eaten in years, then her digestive system absolutely has to be eased back into functioning. Which means that they'll have to keep administering nutrients and fluids intravenously. I'm sure that won't freak Vi out at all.

Petra absolutely has done this before. Caitlyn will find out more about it during the very brief timeskip between this chapter and the next. You guys will learn about it when Vi does.

Petra remembered Caitlyn's name! She's gonna keep calling her 'Ghost' though, until Cait says otherwise. She only uses 'Caitlyn' now because she's desperate for Cait to let someone to help her, even if it's just for ten minutes.

Mmm, and the recognition that the separation anxiety is two-sided. A well-warranted, though frankly unhealthy, amount of codependence. (They'll work on it.)

Caitlyn's reflection kinda makes the 'Ghost' moniker a little too fitting.

Cait leaves her dirty clothes in the bathroom. Petra will run them through the laundry and will find Tobias' ring. Just for everyone keeping track of where it is. ;)

Hell yeah! Emotional breakdown in the shower! Write what you fucking know!

Leave Caitlyn alone and unsupervised and she will go through your cabinets and steal your unused toothbrushes.

Survival mode again. Caitlyn trusts Petra, but still almost panics when the woman is between her and Vi (bear behavior), and when she can't see what she's doing. Logic vs. Fear.

Vi will get her earrings back, don't worry. One of you pointed out that they're all she has left from before the Purge and it almost made me cry.

Cait: I have to protect Vi, I can't let anyone touch her, she's hurt and I can't risk anyone else getting close. Also Caitlyn: Yeah, sure, I'll take these drugs without even knowing what they are.

So, apparently, you're not supposed to lie down if you have broken ribs??? I didn't know this. That's the main reason I made Caitlyn's injury less severe; she needs to be able to cuddle.

Petra, knowing how stubborn Caitlyn is and seeing the results of Vi's will to survive: "...I honestly can't imagine a world in which she doesn't recover."

I wanted them to cuddle! I'm so mad at myself! I damaged Caitlyn's ribs and inadvertantly sabotaged myself! Fuck! >:(

Gonna fucking make them hold hands instead. Damn it. I wanted them to cuddle. :(

Kissing your partner's hands, my beloved. (Especially when those hands have been forced to do terrible things.)

Teaser for next (next) week:

Her hair is messy, falling out of her loose, lopsided ponytail. Her clothes are rumpled. There are lines on the side of her face where the folds of the blanket have left their impressions in her skin. It's so beautiful and imperfect and Caitlyn.

Vi's heart cracks open inside her chest, something molten bleeding out of it. There is so much she wants to say, but all of it gets caught in the dry desert of her throat.

You came back. You found me. I missed you. I love you.

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What they don't tell you about writing is that as you write, you discover scenes and entire plots that you hadn't accounted for that need to be written. So you can spend two hours writing and editing only to realise you're further away from the finish line than you thought you were when you started