animu-simp

[animu-simp]

TW!! MENTIONS OF NEGATIVE/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ANXIETY(?)(IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN LMAO)

This is kinda just mindless rambling, a vent post ig? It's weird that this is my first post here but oh well

I like how complex life is.I like how I may not know much right now but that I have the power to change that. I enjoy the way feelings are. The way I don't know how to describe them, but I'm still able to feel them. I like to sit down and try to figure them out. I Google the most random things that may have an obvious answer, just to know more. I like to learn. I like to feel. I like being happy and sad and angry and disgusted and ashamed. I like knowing about myself.

I usually just took information as I got it. Blindly trusting and never asking questions outside of what I was taught. I was a good student. I was an obedient child, but never a person. I was never alive. I never experienced things on my own, I never learned from my own mistakes. The thought of making a mistake was suffocating.

I used to feel sick when I felt new feelings. My head would feel light, and I would feel nauseous. I'd start to spiral downhill, I'd tell myself that I was 'stupid' for not knowing. I would never waste time looking into these emotions because it was pointless. I felt pointless. It was a 'waste' to learn about myself because 'no one cared'. I thought everyone saw me that way as well. I never questioned that either. I felt good thinking that I knew something even if it wasn't the truth. I wanted to die. I lived in constant fear of never knowing what would happen.

I eventually learned how to feel, and think and how to ask questions without feeling shame. I learned to embrace feelings, whether they made me happy or not. I'm glad with how far I came. I look forward to the good and bad days to come. I think I can live a little longer in the uncertainty of life.

[animu-simp]

Sometimes I don't like being gay.I don't like the fact that I will never experience teenage love.My crushs will never love me back because they are straight.Some people won't like me because of my sexuality.Most of the people never look at my personality,they will only look at my sexuality.There would be boys that will say"I can make you normal".Some girls gonna make fun of me.But I also love being gay.Falling in love with women feels so special,women are just so perfect in every way no matter they are straight or not.When I look at women I just feel euphoric.I love sapphic couples they make me feel so euphoric that I can die because of that.I love girls.That's all