annikamaja8-blog

[annikamaja8-blog]

[annikamaja8-blog]

Okay is it my turn to be angry now, ?

[annikamaja8-blog]

STOP LOOKING AT MY TUMBLR STOP STOP

[annikamaja8-blog]

The omen of rain was never bright.

when Surrounded by the dry heat and sunny skies of the wild west, a distinctive quality of the rains discomfort grew in the hearts of the fawn, something learned to honor.

The salty tear drops were my home, the God that i worshipped, and the church that i praised.

it rained the night you loved me, stealing honor

Murky showers choked down as the bottle slipped down your rough throat.

The clouds bellowed in resentment. You stole the loyalty of the rain,

the kind fluidity it once brought began to falter as my fathers poison fed off of the hidden mercy.

[annikamaja8-blog]

It will never be over; I still think of you when

i smell the rains solitude

I see the gray (& grey) that consumes me

I hear the planes engine roar

I still think of you when I feel the whisky burn down my throat

And I still taste the guilt that you forced me to swallow.

Every sense of mine is consumed by the thought of you.

I beg to be released from the boy you once were.

[annikamaja8-blog]

Please forgive me pleaaase I won't do that again please

[annikamaja8-blog]

1:24am april 24th 2025

I arrive and begin to throw up, exhausted. She sits there and lectures me. Telling me to talk to God and that I shouldn't doubt everything I say. I sit there and tell her I'm a bad person. That I'm a bitch and I compare myself to everybody else that I want to be. She tells me that I need to talk to myself the way I would to the kids at church; That I can't get better if I don't choose to work on myself. But what if I don't want to get better? What if I like the state that I'm in. The constant stress and worry drives me. The more I criticize myself, the better I perform. I want to be better but I want to stay driven. But all that drives me is anxiety. That fear of not being successful. The fear of not proving myself.

[annikamaja8-blog]

[annikamaja8-blog]

hot lemon water ( for digestion )

&

no bra ( for the soul)

[annikamaja8-blog]

[annikamaja8-blog]

"she plays her game of patience until she grows hungry, until she becomes ravenous. She is so beautiful she is unnatural; her beauty is an abnormality, a deformity, for none of her features exhibit any of those touching imperfections that reconcile us to the imperfections of the human condition. Her beauty is a symptom of her disorder, of her soullessness"

The lady of the house of love, The bloody chamber, by Angela Carter

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"I clung to him as though only the one who had inflicted the pain could comfort me for suffering it"

The bloody chamber, Angela carter

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I'd give you the entirety of my soul for a small taste of your love

[annikamaja8-blog]

"But in his innocence he never knew he might be the death of me"

The Bloody Chamber, Angela Carter

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"eat me, drink me; thirsty, cankered, goblin-ridden, I go back and back to him to have his fingers strip the tattered skin away and clothe me in his dress of water, this garment that drenches me, it's slithering odour, it's capacity for drowning"

The Bloody Chamber, Angela Carter

[annikamaja8-blog]

"His touch both consoles and devastates me; I feel my heart pulse, then wither, naked as a stone on the roaring mattress,"

The Bloody Chamber, Angela Carter

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"His skin covers me entirely; we are like two halves of a seed, enclosed in the same integument. I should like to grow enormously small, so that you could swallow me, like those queens in fairy tales who conceive when they swallow a grain of corn or sesame seed. Then I could lodge inside your body and you would bear me"

The Bloody Chamber, Angela Carter