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If I didn't hate the idea of smoking so much I think I'd totally be into weed.

[anxiousauthor]

A little over a week ago, I sent an e-mail to an aunt I haven't spoken to in about seen years. I basically scolded her for being a bad parent. And for shutting out my cousin for almost twenty years, showing up once and then disappearing again. I wouldn't necessarily call myself an angry kind of person, but  I'd heard that she never came back or even called, and it was just. I exploded. I spewed venom on a page addressed to someone I used to love so much and was so close to. Someone I never imagined ever having to say these things to.

I feel terrible. Really, just awful.

When did I start feeling this way about my own family? When did I start lumping that big, giant group into one label? How could they be the villain when I never told anyone what happened?

I don't know, it's weird. Did I fall out of love with my aunt? I don't think so. Not really. My therapist says it's normal. This is kind of an extenuating circumstance, I guess. I had a special relationship with my cousin before he was outcast, and also with a man who wasn't as wholesome as he let on, and so my view is a little biased. My anger is a little biased, absolutely. Irrational, most definitely. But I can't help it. It was a crap situation and they handled it crappily and I don't want to be part of it anymore.

Whatever happens happens, but good lord I am not going to bring up my aunt to my cousin again. I messed up. I'm so sorry. I guess it's a good thing he stopped using his Tumblr (again). it's been a while for me, too, but I think I finally figured out how to use this thing. Been relying too much on social media that isn't a blog for my emotional outlets. which is fine, and I've met a lot of new people in a very short amount of time which is both overwhelming and kind of exciting. I feel like I'm growing. Which is also nice.

I'm going to be spending Thanksgiving at a new friend's place this Thursday. Jamie will be there, mostly because Kyle was going but the food is an added bonus. so I won't be alone there, hich is good. But I'm a little excited for it. They seem like good people. Very accommodating.  Here's to change.

[anxiousauthor]

ughughugh I don't like most people

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Unremarkably, Ollie joins the ranks of those who find Grant to be a beautiful human being. 

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Real Gabinete Português de Leitura, Rio de Janeiro (Photo: Alessandro Roncatti)

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Merci coffee shop/store in Paris. (Photo: HausofMoo.com)

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Deadlines. Deadlines. Deadlines. Deadlines. 

whywhywhywhywhywhyhelp

[anxiousauthor]

Today I learned I don't handle hangovers well. I'm so sorry, Jamie. I bet I'm like this when I'm sick, too.

...Jeremy, am I like this when I'm sick?

[anxiousauthor]

Codrington Library, All Soul’s College, Oxford, 1751. (via TheAtlantic)

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Reading Room, John Rylands Library, Manchester (via Gary995)

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Literary Coffee. Awesome! Thanks to Italian food illustrator Gianluca Biscalchin for incorporating a literary theme in his work.

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Spiral Notebook by witandwhistle.

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Edith Wharton’s Library. Edith Wharton designed her library for her own pleasure at the Mount in the Berkshires starting year 1902. Her library contains a rare collection of books from which her writings were inspired. It also houses 22 rare copies of her works. (Photo by Beatie)

[anxiousauthor]

Different Constellations

Sometimes I sit and wonder About the mountains and the moon And how people can think clearly Seeing such stunning constellations.

Then I  turn around And look the other way Where the city lies bright and loud, And the people self-absorbed.

So when I compare the two, You'd think the choice is easy. But if you really think about it, Nothing is that sleazy. 

Up close it may look dirty, Dingy and unrefined. But from far off it's quite pretty; It kind of blows your mind.

Here's the lesson for today For those who do not know: The mountains see the stars, But the cities make their own.

--Ollie J. Symon

[anxiousauthor]

I'm gonna try really hard to keep the anxiety rants to a minimum. Honestly I didn't think it would be that difficult.

People are incredible.

[anxiousauthor]