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Votes are in: The Best of Poland's Failed Date with The Oblivious Lithuania

Top 3 Failed Flirts

1. Feeding Liet

Feliks tries to feed Liet a pierogi while they watch a movie. However, Liet is distracted. He dodges on instinct, and Feliks falls over. Liet catches him, though, so... not a total failure! Feliks eats the pierogi, thinking "Fine, watch me eat instead! 😤"

2. Cuddles

Liet gets worried. Saying things like "We can leave if you're tired." and "We can finish the movie some other time." Feliks makes up a ridiculous excuse like "Just making sure your shoulders are still sturdy. You don't want squishy shoulders. Bad for your spine, mhm." Liet goes "Aww, thanks, Lenki. You're so sweet."

3. Bending over 👀

Feliks bends over to "get something," but bumps his head on the coffee table. He's a pro, though, and does the Wounded Deer Act—an important part of the Power Twink Playbook—to get Liet's sympathy. Liet rubs his head for him 😌

Top 3 Cutest Poland Pronunciations

1. Pinocchio: Pinoczio (pino-chio)

Liet says it sounds like a "Starbooks" drink. These sillies don't even realize they're made for each other smh

2. Cinematography: cinmanography (sinma-nography)

Don't ask him to pronounce cimanimniminanim

3. Pistachios: mustachios

Liet pointed at the name on the bag like "You mean pistachios?" and Pol goes "Yeah, mustachios!"

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Still better advice than anything influencers could tell you

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Sealand has 2 moms, and they are both men

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Iggy: Once a Gremlin Child, Always a Gremlin Child

England wasn't always as prim and proper as he'd like you to believe. In fact, when he was little, he was an absolutely crazed little forest goblin. Bite your toes and everything.

He was Very Cute, though. It was an adaptation for survival, of course. Through this cuteness, he met France and his dad, Ancient Rome. Fran was such a happy child it surprised Arthur. He was clean and his arms had the kind of pudge little kids should have.

Arthur's first words to him were "Why d'you look like a doll?"

He also met the equally gremliny Prussia. They still have scars from all the times they stabbed each other.

As Arthur grew, there was more and more pressure to Get his Shit Together and enter politics, form strategies, and be Respectable. He became a handsome young gentleman... but absolutely insufferable. He began to look down on other nations, and became a lot colder toward France. It wasn't surprising; he was hanging out with a bunch of stuffy royals who hated the French.

Francis was hurt and confused. He found a support system in the BTT. He even had a very short-lived interest in Prussia, but it was never quite Right.

Arthur began to feel lonely among all the prissy people. He decided Fuck the Man, actually, and ran off with a pirate crew. They saw him and went "What does this Rich Child want?" He fit right in, though—pirates are just water gremlin adults. Arthur was in his element. He's naturally a gremlin. No one can take that away. However, the gentleman training stuck too well.

"We are stopping here because I need a bath RIGHT NOW!"

When someone objects: "IF I DON'T GET CLEAN SOON IT IS YOUR BLOOD I WILL BATHE IN"

"..."

"AND THEN I'LL TAKE A REGULAR BATH"

He had a lot of fun, pillaging, invading, and swashbuckling to his heart's content.

After a few decades, Arthur came back to land, meeting France once again. Being mentally 18 years old, Arthur could barely think when he saw Fran's 21-year-old body. And thus began history's greatest situationship.

From prissy pirate to punk anarchy, Arthur kept pushing the boundaries even after becoming France's... well, whatever he was.

As always, he's naturally a gremlin man. Love is strong, though. He can't help but want to be a gentleman around Francis, despite the argumentative gremlin side of him "slipping" out through bickering. More like surfing out because it's smooth and intentional. It's a feature of their relationship.

What a gremlin.

And that's the story of Iggy Kirkland. One of many. Good night, children.

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England's Picnic

Top 7 Quotes Said To Imaginary Friends

1. "Now don't spill on yourself, Miss Fairy"

It made Fran jump like "WHAT did he just say to m—oh he's seeing things again -_-"

2. "This is not the time to go around sniffing butts..."

Japan looked behind him, like "Whose butt is being sniffed?? 😥"

3. "Oh, hush, Uni, Alfred's hair does not look like a stunted horn, don't be rude!"

Alfred called her a yassified rhino. According to Arthur, she did not like that

4. "Who spiked the apple juice? This is why we can't have nice things."

Romania paused and stared at his apple juice suspiciously. "If you're alcoholic why aren't you giving me a buzz? Where are you hiding it? 🤨"

5. "Put your top back on, Tinkerbell. No one wants to see that."

Norway covered his eyes to keep them pure for Vlad

6. "Don't touch those mushrooms, Brownie. You know what they do to you."

Mattie was sitting there like "Drugs or indigestion... do I wanna chance it?"

7. "I'm not inviting you guys next time... don't pout at me, it's your fault for turning my tea party into a night club."

Vlad: A nightclub??? CAN I JOIN

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The moment when your boyfriend doesn't know he's your boyfriend

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Gilly's diary has ALL the tea

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The scariest thing of all is the post-party hangover 🧛

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When you're tired of your friend's shit, but you can't be too mean cus he's still your friend.

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Worst Ways The Allies Have Died

England: Burnt at the stake

Ironically, it wasn't witchery that got him in trouble. His pork pie resembled a human sacrifice, and one would think this is incredibly hard to do, but not for him. With his feet on fire and his ego hurt, Arthur cursed at the townspeople for not appreciating fine dining

France: Decapitation by guillotine

Riding high after a successful revolution, Franny wasn't expecting to be betrayed by that bitch Robespierre. Artie had to help him sew his head back on his neck. The second those vocal cords connected— "ARTUR YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT ZAT FUCKING BITCHBOY DID!" “Hush up, frog, I can feel your vocal cords vibrating! You'll make me do a shakey job.” Bonding by talking shit after an execution #JustNationThings

America: Mustard gas

This dumbass thought if he snorted mustard gas, he could taste mustard with his nose. Newsflash, this chemical weapon is not made from actual mustard. When his government found out, they started testing his brain because they thought, "There's no way he's this dumb." Yes way. But, to be fair, it could be all the head trauma. The injuries heal, but he never comes back the same 🤔

Canada: Mauled by a mama polar bear

Mattie went to the Arctic to show Kuma where he came from. It backfired, because a mama bear got really protective of Kuma. It's okay, Mattie understands. That was the day Kumajirou decided he preferred the land of chips and TV instead of raw fish and so much ice

Russia: Froze to death 

During the Victorian period, a certain Russian planned to meet with a certain American for a special private meeting to do some secret private business. In simple terms, it was a long-distance booty call. Ivan didn't want to leave any evidence of his whereabouts, so he traveled on foot. Big mistake. The man froze to death after swimming across the entire ocean for a piece of ass. Despite his death ruining the booty call, Alfred did think Ivan dying for him was incredibly romantic. SCORE!

China: Total organ failure from poisoning

An old fling poisoned his tea in a furious act of revenge. China didn't even flinch, even as his organs were shutting down. Not like MODERN nations, who cry at the slightest fatal wound! No, he finished the meeting, watching carefully, until he spotted that MANWHORE Luo with a face like he was nervously expecting something. He bided his time until the last moment, then pointed dramatically at the culprit just before collapsing, dead. That bitch got accused of being an evil spirit AND an assassin. HA! He was fucking terrible at sex, too...

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Someone get England some ice. This man is suffering from third-degree burns inflicted by his own son.

Part 1 | Part 2

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Spain: Lovi, I thought Rome was dead!

Romano: I did, too!

Ancient Rome: I was, but I'm back now

Spain: (gasp) Like Jesús!

Ancient Rome: Oh shit... (looks at his hands like "Maybe I am Jesus")

China: (whacks him with his sandal) As if!

Ancient Rome: Awww!

Spain: China came back from the dead, too?!

China: I WASN'T DEAD!

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I request more information about the pigtails thing. For... uh... record keeping.

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APH Nations' First Kiss

Italy: Holy Rome

That one's obvious as hell. We all saw it

Germany: Italy

The only person he's ever kissed. His first kiss as Holy Rome, and again as an adult. He was too awkward for anyone else before him.

His beefcake powers were not stronger than his absolute disaster gay syndrome

Japan: Alfred during Truth or Dare

He hated it. "Friends don't kiss friends! It's FORBIDDEN! And not in a hot way!!"

...Well, that was his first kiss on the mouth 🇬🇷

America: Forbidden kiss during the Cold War

Alfie certainly Became One With Russia that night. It was Russia's first as well

France: Some random guy in 1352

He was 18 in human terms and feeling adventurous. Little did he know the real adventure would begin 300 years later when an 18 year old Pirate England would swashbuckle into his heart

England: France. When Iggy came back as a pirate

He was really only ever meant for one man. No amount of tsunderism can allow him to escape Fate. It was also the day he lost his virginity 😌

China: A soldier

He would smooch the other Chinese soldiers in the tents. When he met Romulus that was all out the window tho

Canada: Cuba

They shared an ice cream like those 50s kids in the movies

Prussia: France

He drunkenly kissed him once, during the 1700s, at a party. Fran tasted like cigarettes, gross.

Ancient Rome: Julius Caesar

Turns out Caesar was even more of a manwhore than Rommy

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Love is in the air... pay no mind to the two angels releasing it like laughing gas

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The Exciting Online Life of Honda Kiku

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China: Rock is also rude, loud, and dumb.

England: My apologies for not being alive during the Ice Age. I would've loved to hear the classic sounds of cavemen.

China just chokes him 🤷‍♂️

Western Bullshit China Doesn't Understand

1. Hippityhoppity rap

What youngster made poetry rude, loud, and dumb? And how does one stop their son from listening to it? He tried to ask google but it told him he has cancer. And now he's wondering if harboring cancer as an immortal deems his biological system strong or weak

2. Google

Everything is either ads or cancer no matter what you search. An ad told him he'll get cancer from breathing so that's new. Wonder what that was selling

3. Pizza

Thinks Rome should have stopped his stupid grandsons before they started throwing cheese and sauce and God knows what on their bread. He's mad pizza burns his mouth every time. And the portions are too big for his teemy mouf

4. Superheroes

What's up with these magic mutant people? What do you mean they're not mystical creatures? America got Japan addicted to them, too, hmph. At this point China's convinced they're just quirky children

5. Words of Affection

In China you don't say I love you to anyone you're not romantically involved with. Westerners say it to their parents, siblings, friends, pet dogs, Uber drivers - and they don't even have different words to tell you what they mean! He freaked out when Hong Kong said it to him. Even went to England to complain - Iggy was like "He said he loves you? Lucky bitch, AND you're complaining about it, too. Ungrateful bitch."

6. England

The words of affection one reminded him of England, so he's part of the list now