apineappleswoes

[apineappleswoes]

Do you miss me at all Do you think about me at all I never felt like i screwed something up as bad as this.

Everything else i could hide away in my head and not think about it, but not this. You were my friend, my source of comfort by literally  just talking to you, my home , someone i found solace in. And now youre so out of reach.

Will you ever take me back. Will you ever WANT me back. Because now you dont want me. I dont want you to do something because of me i want you to WANT me back. To not take pity on me i dont want you to feel bad I want YOU to WANT me to be jn your life.

What if durinf this time you realize you dont want me. What will I do then.

Because it IS MY fault. I should have been better and i messed up so badly. I broke something so dear because i was stupid and reckless and inconsiderate and selfish. . My friend doesn't want me back. And i have nothing and no one but myself to blame I have pushed down so much grief and guilt for all these years on so many things and now its all manifesting into a awful cloud. When i met you and talked to you - i felt better. I would wait impatiently for 4pm every day because you'd wake up then. Id be the happiest person alive knowing i got to see you every day.

And now i dont .

I have been doing everything to distract myself from the void i created. Taking notes, doodling, playing games, walking, over eating ANYTHING. You think theyd make me feek better but its all just a distraction.sometimes it makes me feel worse. Because when i talked to you i didint have to think about any of that. i was happy just knowing you were there and now youre gone.

And its all because of me.

[apineappleswoes]

It actually hurts to breathe sometimes. Like you feel so awful you cant breathe and your chest hurts and you want to vomit . You feek like your stomach is turning in knots and you dont know how to make it stop.

You distract yourself with everything and yet you still feel like youre on the verge of tears due to the guilt and melancholy you feel.

Like i dont want to cry myself to sleep for like..the 3rd day in a row. I cant anymore.