arachideu

[arachideu]

it’s ending soon. It feels like my life will end too, as this era closes but I’m just hoping that this new person I am— or the good parts at least— won’t die too. I can’t let her. I need to be strong and move on but fuck it’s May. It’s May and it’s time to leave but I don’t know what’s in store for me. Can I really find happiness? Can I do it alone?

[arachideu]

I talked abt my unrequited feelings today w/ the person i love(d?)

it was scary but tbh. I trusted and it’s a step to be better next time & when I fall in love again. Hopefully w someone who loves me back tho. that’d be nice

[arachideu]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

[arachideu]

today I made dinner: spinach and parm pasta, ‘marry me chicken’ or chicken in a cream sauce and garlic bread because I knew my friend was going to have a tough time. Sometimes I don’t know if I do things for the right reason. I bought them a mug— for both of my friends coming over for dinner tonight— and I’m tired from it. I don’t think I regret it, but I wonder if they noticed my efforts?

[arachideu]

so

trying to be a normal human and neutrally look at myself and my faults and flaws and mistakes instead of beating myself up about them like I deserve to be in a ditch.

Honestly I don’t really even remember the person I was even six months ago, nevermind a full 12 or 18– but that person exists in other peoples minds. What I mean to say is. I’m turning 24 and I think I’ve decided to chose kindness. I want to be better so I can love other people fully — not just because I’m afraid of holding them back. And I think that means that I will stop holding myself back in return

[arachideu]

oh man the anxiety levels are crazy tonight. I slept at 4am and I’m really trying to fight my mental illness

It’s not that ___ or ___ hate you and want to exclude you, it’s really not about you at all, why would someone else’s friendship or relationship flourishing impact you negatively? You don’t have anything to do with this, you’re not in danger, everything is fine

aaaaaaa

[arachideu]

it’s January and I think my heart still would do anything for you.

it’s 2025 though, and I’ve started to dream about what it’d be like to do things just for me.

[arachideu]

how many shots does it take to forget you?

[arachideu]

“Pining over someone is a waste of time”

“When do you give up? When they’re not interested.”

“Self deprecation (self humiliation in limerance?) is one of the most self-centered thought patterns you can have”

[arachideu]

I think im going to ***** ** about it or rather it makes me want to I’m quite sad and nervous but I gotta move because truly its not about me and has never been so I need to get over myself (/neutral) and

And I think I’m starting to believe that yeah. I deserve better. Better starts with saying yes to someone who actually wants me

[arachideu]

if you found a time capsule of some of the words of the person you love, would you not want to dive straight in to see if you can piece together fragments of the person you love?

now, is it really that person at all?

[arachideu]

please help me how do you deal with heartbreak

[arachideu]

I have a date but fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I miss him I want him HIM HER THEM YES THEM of all people yes my best friend FUCK PLEASE I can only admit this at 2am in the deep dark, into this void and I’m sorry I have to leave this wanting behind now god I don’t want to leave it behind please please

how do I leave it behind me? does it start with this date?

[arachideu]

never mind they replied the next morning hahaha everything’s fine and normal

I NEED TO GO STICK MY HEAD IN THE SAND WDYM THEY TURNED ON DND THE SECOND MY TEXT DELIVERED

[arachideu]

how long will I sit in my sorrow? I don’t know— unless I’ve waded through the water enough to be able to touch the edge of the shore again. I’ve been suppressing it so much that it’s underneath my chin.

[arachideu]

I NEED TO GO STICK MY HEAD IN THE SAND WDYM THEY TURNED ON DND THE SECOND MY TEXT DELIVERED

[arachideu]

"I rather have you selfishly think about yourself only/ hate me so that I can be more comfortable"