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“Bury your past. Let flowers grow where you lay.”

— Unknown

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Am i pathetic if i say i still love you?

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Before Sunset ~ 2004

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When these letters came, there were 5 of these or 4? Not sure but this is the only letter i saved. I saved it to atleast have something that is only for me. But this time i hope i would have the courage to finally throw this away, even if i love handwritten letters made just for me.

Would you believe i received this 5 years ago? The person who wrote this for me was someone special to me. I wish i was too, to him. I just wanna start again, with just myself. With the people who makes me feel loved and important.

I dont really wish for something grand these days, i just wanna live a life where regrets doesnt even exist. That even if i fail doing something, atleast it is something i wanna try doing. Even if it hurts, atleast i learned something so i will be a step further to my goals or to where i should be.

I have lost my will to live, to love, to work. Now that im back on track again, i will make sure that i will be selfish this time. That i will put myself first.

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But this time I finally stopped thinking how would things be if we're still together. That might occasionally make me feel sad but im grateful I still have me. On my own, but thats fine.

“I wish I had done everything on Earth with you.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

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“I want someone to remember I existed. I want someone to know I was here.”

— Fredrik Backman (via thepersonalwords)

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Hey, should i say, uhm K?

Is that really hard for you? Uhm sorry that was dumb. Yeah i know its hard for you to open up and be vulnerable once again. I just hope that one day you'll finally learn to embrace that you dont always have to toughen yourself up. Its okay to be lost, to feel pain, but you know, there are things worth losing to, to gain something much better than what you already have.

4 years after and i still write letters for you. You know me, id rather write here than say it to you. Why? Idk, like im used to this feeling. Like im only pushing myself to fit in a place where i dont really have even just an inch to stay in. But that didnt stop me from wishing you all the best.

You might get to read this, but you also might not but atleast i get to release these thoughts off of my mind. Talking to you was one of the things i missed, it gives me that assurance that someone really wants to listen to me, not just to give me some "mandatory"esque advise thinking it might make things better but all i really wanted was someone i can lean to.

Your birthday is the last day of the year. 2020 might be shitty A BIG FUCKING SHIT haha but yeah i hope your special day would always remind you that you gotta celebrate yourself. From you achievements to failures because these altogether are what makes us. Its up to us how to respond to things thrown at us given that we can no longer change the situation we are at 🌻

-L

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They all said im too strong. Well its because who's gonna be strong for me when everyone else decided to leave and never come back

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You have to cut it, so it will grow. Dont let yourself die so he can grow. Its not your life purpose to be somebody's serum.

“Albero” / “Tree” © Virginia Mori

www.virginiamori.com

https://www.instagram.com/_virginia_mori_/

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I hate you for wanting the best for me. It’s never the best if it means you leaving me.

(via isusulatkonalang)

I had to force myself to get through all of these after the breakup. I drowned myself with work and everything. Looking back from where i used to be, to be honest. I may not be at my best, but this is much better than how i was before.

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He asked her after a talk, “would i still see you picking up the pieces” 

and wholeheartedly she said “yes i will, even if i have to over and over again, if thats the only way for you to see how you mean to me”

She said that even if thats impossible, Impossible because you cant repeatedly save someone, my love you also have to save yourself. She said that beause she loves him so much she’s scared of losing him even if it means she’s gonna lose herself. 

In the end he still left.

“why did you ask me that? you have made your mind already, thats bullshit” she thought to herself.

Years after, she still cries herself to sleep. Not that much compared to how she does months after the separation. But from time to time that still haunts her. Not him, not the guy she loved, but the pain that relationship left. 

She remembers him saying “You are the strongest woman i know”  the day she cant remeber the date , pain is all she can remember. The least he could say but she needed that tthe least.

Brave, strong, independent. Its not really what she wants to be but its what she needs to be, for herself. Years after you can see her give the smile that shines like the sun from the east. She has found herself again. Not the same, not familiar but it gives her the security. She’ll find love again, she still belives in that. 

Thanks to these people who supported me when i can no longer support myself. I cant think of dying just to end the pain, it may be practical but i believe someone out there will gladly accept my love. I began to accept that no matter how hard i try to be as close to perfect, we have obstacles in our lives that we have to face first. With that we may encounter people who will help us either to be aware of the things we should learn. Someone to love, someone that will fuel different emotions within you, you’ll get fired up or fired down. 

Light and love :)

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Hi Louisse, im really really proud of you

Louisse, you know how many people love you,right? and one day you when you go back here and scroll, you’ll see how much you improve everyday. Yes its hard but youll get through it, you always do but this time please be a little less hard on yourself. Not everything is your fault. 

Before when you use to argue with your father you would always end up crying. Late at night, all alone in your bed, and then your mind starts to wander and you start to cry. You are too precious and these people would always treat you like a diamond.  Thats how people would see you but to yourself youre just a rock who went under extreme pressure. They only see the shell, but that one person who will see your weakness, someone who will love you with your flaws. Someday, he’ll come and you’ll know.

You will  understand why people left, because in all honesty, you dont need that much. You just want someone, someone who will stay even if things dont look pretty anymore, when things get sour since thats the reality of life. We may cross our own paths, different directions but at the end of the day, we’ll find ourselves again in the arms of one another. And every day, even if we take different paths again and again, i would still be excited to go home back into your arms.