arquaticdreamer - Tumblr blog

[arquaticdreamer]

Why do you still keep trying to have a relationship with me? What do seek to gain? What more do you think you can do? Do you even understand what you're doing? I doubt it...otherwise you wouldn't be doing what you keep trying to do now. You have no basic human logic or rhyme or reason to what you aim to do. You have not a single iota of the nuclear fallout you've created. ....and so falls everything around you....all that you've imagined has crumbled before you....the pieces you've touched....the pawns you've moved.....the ramifications of all your hateful ways have divided into far reaching subdivisions....branching off like spiderweb of many different individual people......and yet.....this was your choice alone......do we even have a real conscious choice in what we say or do? Can we even begin to truly understand what it does to those around us??......

Why. Do. You. Keep. Fucking. Calling. Me!?!?!

[arquaticdreamer]

Cloud hates drop seizures and falling to floor flailing on dirty bathroom floor. Just helpless flailing on floor

[arquaticdreamer]

Great news!!! Cloud going to change legal deadname to current real name very soon!!! In 6 weeks cloud will have money to make name change in all documents and papers!!! This very important to Cloud as I'm part of a DID system and not relate or identify as legal deadname. That way bio mom will be forced to use my name real name. *happy flaps* *stimmy hands* ☺️☺️☺️🙌🙌🙌

[arquaticdreamer]

About us: The Hasted Tonberries

🌧️ Hello! ArquaticDreamer, my name is Cloud, I go by He/They pronouns

🌧️ We are a High support needs level 3 autistic ♾️

🌧️ We’re multiply disabled ♿️

🌧️ We’re unreliably/mostly nonspeaking

🌧️ We’re a polyfragmented overt complex DID system

🌧️ I’m (Cloud/host) a furry, possibly objectum, non-binary demisexual person

DNI: rad fem, terf, anti-LGBT, Ableists, racists transp//bic, sexist, mysog///stic, trans age, trans autistic, or transND, transabled, MAPS/NoMAPS, Z00phile, autiphobic, ddlg, or anyone who tries to fetishize age regression or those who need to age regress due to severe trauma, or those who sexualize autistics or other disabled people whether ND or not.

Our posts tags:

🫐 Arquaticautistic = a tag I always use for my posts

🫐 Arquatic asks = when I ask the community a question

🫐 Arquatic thinks = kinda like r/shower thoughts me making a realization or something regarding autism, and ND

🫐 Arquatic cries = any post I make whether it be info dump, or educational.

🫐 Arquatic echoes = this is for reblogs that I add onto something that I add my own flair or thoughts on. If I don’t add my own thoughts then it’s just reblogging tag

🫐 Arquatic rants = this could be highly emotional i just added this one recently as of now and I’m going to be using it for only my emotional rants or things regarding my time growing up autistic in an NT world or things that have to do with my struggles as an ND disabled person.

Tags we always use:

Nonspeaking, nonspeaking autism, high support needs, actually disabled.

[arquaticdreamer]

TW: Autistic experience post, Inf/////zation, abl//sm, growing up autistic.

As a HSN autistic growing up was so difficult, even though was semispeaking at time, it felt like no matter what cloud could say didn’t matter at all

cause of how bad NT adults think so little of kids already even more so ND autistic kids who aren’t fully speaking, so nothing cloud said or did was taken seriously at all, or was just laughed off or said “oh no you don’t really mean or think that.” Not undermining those who were born nonspeaking at all.

Just the fact that you’re autistic and ND in SPED class is traumatizing enough.. going into mainstream classes and still not being able to understand those what people say or men to say.

Cloud often wonders if cloud was really semispeaking at all to begin with always felt like unreliable speech could speak but most of what was being said cloud didn’t even mean or want to say.

Still not sure how cloud felt. But felt as though cloud a grew up unreliably speaking.

Just was never able to make sense to others or say what cloud actually wanted to say. Cloud always felt misunderstood by adults and NT classmates. Due to sever infantalization of autistics in our class.

Just going to need more processing.

[arquaticdreamer]

Hate it when AAC tablet holder gets all dirty after usage. Cloud going to get more supportive ipad holders. If anyone has idea on which to purchase let Cloud know please. Much thanks.

[arquaticdreamer]

Living in poverty as a HSN autistic is really fucking hard…..

Bugs, dirt, fleas everywhere, not always having energy to clean or keep up house work, even though much of it goes to our caregiver, she needs supports too since she’s autistic as well. And not enough money to get from our checks to actually live comfortably. Life sucks sometimes.

[arquaticdreamer]

Wow i hate that my toxic family has said this to me from time to time. So disgusting.

"omg you get to nap all day"

I literally can't control it, I'm so tired and fatigued by doing anything in the day time that I have to nap even of it doesn't really make me less tired.

[arquaticdreamer]

Those who have a real struggle with saying those words or do their best to “tip toe” around it have to really check themselves and ask themselves why they’re even so sensitive to say something that is clearly the truth as if they’re having a hard time accepting blatant reality that there are disabled people who co-exist in the same world and society as you do.

Pretending it doesn’t exist is highly ableist and you have to really check yourself personally, and for those who say that they’d be besides themselves if they ended up becoming disabled its as if they are inadvertently saying that their life or the lives of any disabled person are not worth living.

This goes for all disablities like FND and Chronic illness but right now autism is the main focus on this post. I really like the part it pointed out that “WORDS HAVE MEANING” it is true their are direct origins of the etymology that come with its own societal biases that come attatched to those words or term, and labels.

Make sure you know where they originate (AKA: educate yourselves) and use what those who are actually autistic and actually nonspeaking prefer ask them. And don’t try to erase autistics lives, voices and experiences by stating that, “oh but its a super power!” Or “I don’t like to think of it as a disability” stuff like that just further proves that the person has an issue with knowing that those who are disabled exist and can live fulfilling and interesting lives.

"Disorder" and "Disability" are NOT dirty words!!

A frustrated rant

I saw a video today and I can't get it out of my head, so I'll write about it instead. Excuse me and apologies if this sounds incoherent or if anything is incorrect.

The video was of a mom telling her followers about why she wouldn't tell her daughter that she has ASD (her daughter has autism) because she's "not disordered". It's frustrating to constantly hear this going around because it's false. If your daily functioning is not being disordered because of your traits/symptoms, you don't have autism. Autism is a disability, not a "superpower" like people in the comments were saying. I WISH that my autism didn't disable and disorder me, and that I "didn't know I was different", but that's what autism does. Yes, autism is a spectrum, but even Level 1 autistics are disabled because they have autism.

"Disorder" and "disability" are not dirty words, and by pushing the narrative that we should find a different name for the diagnosis, we are contributing to the stigma that disabled people get. Having a disorder doesn't mean you're fucked for life, it just means you have trouble functioning in a world that isn't accommodating for you, and that's not your fault or any disabled persons fault.

These "autism moms" also want to start replacing the diagnosis "Autism Spectrum Disorder" with "Autism Spectrum Condition". As an autistic person, the word "condition" sounds so much more demeaning and degrading than "disorder".

Autism is a Neurodevelopmental disability and disorder. AND there's nothing wrong with having autism. Both statements can be true at the same time. Being autistic isn't something to feel ashamed about, neither is being disabled or having another disorder.

I might be grasping straws here, but claiming that autism isn’t a disorder because your child “isn’t disordered” is excluding and silencing the hundreds of thousands of autistics who ARE disabled and disordered (like myself). It’s tone deaf, and seems to come from a place of privilege that might not be recognized in some situations.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but trying to change an entire diagnosis because you “dont agree with the wording” is counterproductive. ASD is autism, no matter how you put it. You don’t have to use “ASD” to refer to yourself, but don’t act as if the words disabled, disorder, and ASD are malignant.

Words have meaning, and ASD was called a disorder for a reason. This "ASC, non-disordered autism, autism is a superpower, autism mom" movement feels like it is pushing the autistic community back, and its frustrating to see.

[arquaticdreamer]

"The Autistic Mind Finally Speaks" by Gregorey C. Tino

And

"Talking fingers: Voices of Indian nonspeaking Autistics" by Padma Jyothi and Chitra Paul.

Are there any books you recommend to read with kids who are non-speaking/unreliable speaking?

Yes actually. But only a few (haven't read as many as would like because lack of access).

A day with No Words (beautiful picture book)

Any of the books about Julia from Sesame Street. (can't think of names right now)

The reason I Jump (might be better for older kids)

The boy in the unruly body

These are all books Kiku has read and enjoyed and/or felt represented by.

Books Kiku hasn't read yet:

Jordan's World (book series by Jordan Christian LeVan)

Kiku is sure there are other good books too, maybe other nonspeakers on here could add books they liked/found relatable. @lavcommunicatez Kiku hopes it okay tagging you, but Kiku can't currently think of any other nonspeakers/nonspeaking/nonverbal people on here, because brain fog.

[arquaticdreamer]

hate how much people in agere communities use word nonverbal to mean temporary speech loss . there is much ableism that find in those communities and reason why never feel comfortable despite have agere episodes . 

nonverbal is not word for temporary state . when use nonverbal in this way , that really hurt people like gwydion self who live nonverbal life . please use words like speech shutdown , speech loss , lose words , or others . 

semiverbal not replace , because semiverbal also is permanent state . 

AAC talk is not choice , and not equal to baby talk . baby talk purposely misspell for appearance and comfort , AAC use is something can not change . when someone like gwydion complain that baby talk is very hard read , not at all OK to say " AAC is too , so just type better or else hypocrite " . yes , this happen before .

please , please , please do not assume someone is in agere community just for how talk and " act " . with moderate and severe brain disabilities , even adults can need child level material some or all of time . that do not make child , or even guarantee child safe . 

[arquaticdreamer]

Wow this is. At first I thought someone was gonna take pot shots at my boy gene wilder. No offense I do realize it was a product strictly of its own kind let's not get in a twist with that. But everything that's posted here I FRIGGTENLY TRUE and truly is happening right here RIGHT NOW in many places. And this terrifies me as a part time wheelchair user because I've managed to go for a short walk without my wheelchair. I am clinically disabled and have a real diagnosis. Albeit still trying to get official diagnosis for FND but I'm pretty damn sure I have it and self diagnosis is valid. I can't manage to afford getting full evaluation as most of us actuallydisabled goes. But this is just so terrifying. And I had to tell this to my caregiver. Boycott these kinds of media that perpetuate disabled people secretly faking their disability

The Untrustworthy Fake: Disability Tropes

[ID: A screenshot of Willy Wonka from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as he limps towards a crowd using a cane. In the picture, he has a brown top hat in his hand, and he's wearing a suit with a purple jacket, multicoloured bow tie and cream coloured pants. Beside him is text that reads: "Disability Tropes, The untrustworthy Fake" /End ID]

Tell me if this sounds familiar: A new character is introduced into a story with some kind of disability - usually visible but not always. Maybe they're a seemingly harmless person in a wheelchair, maybe they're a one-legged beggar on the street, or maybe they're an elderly person with a cane and a slow, heavy limp. But at some point, it's revealed it's all a ruse! The old man with a cane "falls" forward and does a flawless summersault before energetically springing back up to his feet, the wheelchair user gets to their feet as soon as they think the other character's backs are turned, the one legged beggar's crutch is knocked out of his hand, only to have his other leg pop out of his loose-fitting tunic to catch him.

All of these are real examples. Maya and The Three introduces one of it's main protagonists, Ricco, by having him pretend to be missing a leg in order to con people (something that works on the protagonist, at least at first), Buffy The Vampire Slayer had the character Spike, pretend to be in a wheelchair, until the other characters leave and he gets up, revealing it's all a ruse and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory introduces Wonka by having him slowly limp out into the courtyard of the factory, only for his cane to get stuck, causing him to "fall" and jump back up, revealing that he's actually perfectly fine. Virtually every single major crime show in the past few decades has used this trope too, from CSI to The Mentalist, Castle, Law and Order and Monk all having at least one episode featuring it in some way. Even the kids media I grew up with isn't free from it; The Suite Life of Zack & Cody sees Zach faking being dyslexic after meeting someone who actually has the condition in the episode Smarter and Smarter and the SpongeBob SquarePants episode Krabs vs Plankton has Plankton fake needing a wheelchair (among other injuries) after falling in the Krusty Krab as a ploy to sue Mr Krabs and trick the court into giving him the Kraby Patty Formula.

No matter the genre or target audience though, one thing is consistent: this trope is used as a way to show someone is dishonest and not to be trusted. When the trope is used later in the story, it's often meant to be a big reveal, to shock the audience and make them mad that they've been duped, to show the characters and us what this person (usually a villain) is willing to stoop to. Revealing the ruse early on though is very often used to establish how sleazy or even how dangerous a character is and to tell the audience that they shouldn't trust them from the get go. Gene Wilde (The actor who first played Willy Wonka) even said in several interviews that this was his intent for Wonka's character. He even went so far as to tell the director of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that he wouldn't do the film without that scene because of how strongly he felt this trope was needed to lay the foundations for Wonka's questionable intentions and motivations. His exact words are: "...but I wouldn't have done the film if they didn't let me come out walking as a cripple and then getting my cane stuck into a cobble stone, doing a forward somersault and then bouncing up... the director said, well what do you want to do that for? and I said because from that point on, no one will know whether I'm telling the truth or lying."

There's... a lot of problems with this trope, but that quote encapsulates one of the biggest ones. whether intentionally or not, this trope ends up framing a lot of actual disabled people as deceitful, dishonest liars. Now I can already hear you all typing, What?! Cy that's ridiculous! No one is saying real disabled people are untrustworthy or lying about their disabilities, just people who are faking!

but the thing is, the things often used in this trope as "evidence" of someone faking a disability are things real disabled people do. A person standing up from their wheelchair or having scuff-marks on their shoes, like in the episode Miss Red  from The Mentalist isn't a sign they're faking, a lot of wheelchair users can stand and even walk! They're called ambulatory wheelchair users, and they might use a wheelchair because they can't walk far, they might not feel safe walking on all terrains, they might have unstable joints that makes standing for too long risky, they might have a heart condition like POTS that has a bigger impact when they stand up or any number of other reasons. Also even non-ambulatory wheelchair users will still have scuff marks from things like transferring and bumping into things (rather hilariously, even TV Tropes calls this episode out as being "BS" in it's listing for this trope, which it refers to as Obfuscating Disability). A blind beggar flinching or getting scared when you pull a gun on them isn't a sign they're faking their blindness like it is in Red Dead Redemption 2. Plenty of blind people can still see a little bit, it might only be a general sense of light and darkness, it might be exceptionally blurry or just the fuzzy outlines of shapes, or they might only be able to see something directly in front of them, all of which might still be enough to cue the person into what's happening in a situation like that. Even if it's not, the sound of you pulling your gun out or other people nearby freaking out and making noise probably would tip them off. A person needing a cane or similar mobility aid sometimes, but being able to go without briefly or do even "big movements" like Wonka's rolling somersault, doesn't mean they don't need it at all. Just like with wheelchairs, there's a lot of disabilities that require canes and similar aids some days, and not others. Some disabilities even allow people those big, often straining movements on occasion, or allow them to move without the aid for short periods of time, but not for long. Some people's disability's might even require a mobility aid like a cane as a backup, just in case something goes wrong, but that still means you need to carry it around with you, and unless it can fold down, it's easier to just use it.

Disability is a spectrum, and a lot of disabilities vary in severity and what is required of the people who have them day to day. This trope, however, helps to perpetuate the idea that someone who does any of these things (and many others) is faking, which can actively make the lives of disabled people harder and can even put them in very real danger, physically, mentally and even financially.

Just ask any ambulatory wheelchair user about how many times they've been yelled at for using accommodations they need, like disabled toilets or parking spaces. How many times they've been accused of faking and even filmed without their consent because they stood up in public, even if it was to do something like get their wheelchair unstuck or as simple as them standing to briefly reach something on a high shelf. I've caught multiple people filming me before, so have my friends and family, and it's honestly scary not knowing where those images have ended up. This doesn't just impact the person either, a friend of mine was filmed while standing up to get his daughter (who was about 4 at the time) out of the car. He was lucky to have stumbled across the video a few days later on facebook and contacted the group admins where it was posted to get it taken down, but had he not stumbled across it by chance, pictures with his home address and his car's number plate, his child's face and his face all visible would have just been floating around, all because a woman saw him stand briefly to pick up his daughter.

Many people don't stop at just saying a nasty comment or taking a photo though, a lot of people, when they suspect people are faking, will get violent. I have many friends who have been pushed, slapped in the face, spat on or had their mobility devices kicked out from under them. I've even been in a few situations myself where, had I not had people with me, I think the situation would have turned violent.

There's even been cases where those photos and videos I've mentioned before have been used against real disabled people and they've been reported to their country's welfare system as committing disability fraud. While cases like this are usually resolved *relatively* quickly, in many parts of the world, their payment will be halted while the investigation is in process, meaning they may be without any income at all because of someone else's ignorance. If you're already struggling to make ends meet (which, if you're only living off one of those payments, you probably will be), a few weeks without pay can mean the difference between having a home and being on the streets.

Not to mention that when there's so many stories about people faking a disability in the media, especially when the character is doing it to get some kind of "advantage", such as getting accommodations or some kind of disability benefit, it perpetuates the idea that people are rorting the systems put in place to help disabled people. If this idea becomes prevalent enough, the people in charge start making it harder for the people who need them to access those systems, which more often than not results in disabled people not even being able to access the very systems that are supposed to be helping them. A very, very common example of this is in education where accommodations for things like learning disabilities require you to jump through a ridiculous number of hoops, especially at higher levels, only to have some teachers and professors refuse to adhere to the adaptations anyway because they're convinced the student (and usually disabled students as a whole) is faking.

Yes, the "untrustworthy faker" is a fictional trope, and yes, it does occasionally happen in real life, but not as often as media (including things like news outlets) would have you believe. However, when the media we consume is priming people to look for signs that a disabled person is faking, it has a real impact on real disabled people's lives. "Fake-claiming" is a massive problem for people in pretty much all parts of the disabled community, and it ranges from being just annoying (e.g. such as people spamming and fake-claiming blind people online with "if you were really blind, how do you see the screen" comments) to the more serious cases I mentioned above. It's for this reason a lot of folks in the disabled community ask that people leave this trope out of their works.

[arquaticdreamer]

Turns out I'm irresistible???? Hilarious. Cloud was sure to get tragic or running from past but I guess this is okay too

@stimmysoup @nonspeakers-r-us @silentdreamystars

Thanks for the tag @thelastplantagenet 😊💚

1. Do this uquiz.

2. Do this picrew.

3. Tag people.

feel free to play if you’d like :)

@buncha-angry-kids-with-no-money @thatoneandlonelyemo2005 @with-the-words-all-wrong

[arquaticdreamer]

So glad to finally have this.

The communication bill of rights by Tobii dynavox

[arquaticdreamer]

Cloud feels like the only reason Cloud still watches is just to root on those who do end up finding love and getting to see them all happy and giddy about the things they like. But yeah as far as the not getting paid for acting bs that's NEVER cool and shame on them for portraying the autists in some infa///izing ways but that's all Cloud care about is watching them grow as people

am i the only only person that really likes love on the spectrum?

i feel very represented by many of the people on the show who display some of my traits and some of my higher needs, i enjoy watching them because i relate to them and before i was in a relationship with my current partner, i understood what they were going through.

i always see people saying they hate the show because they “don’t feel represented” (namely people with lvl 1 autism) and that is valid but i also think the point is to showcase people who are at higher risk, who cannot hide it, who cannot just mask. and also there are lvl 1 autistics on the show so you are represented, they just aren’t the focus or the majority being shown.

im not saying everything the producers do in regards to editing is good (not at all) but i do enjoy it and i do feel represented by it.

[arquaticdreamer]

TW: Abl//sm with blood family:

Love when I get to blood family's home and sometimes they still look at me like I can speak but can't now. And its just like I'm trying so hard but literally can't even get my mouth to even open. Point is I'm fucking done being in denial about it. Late regression is here and it's here to stay guys. Stop acting like I can just spill the beans. Or how 'bout the other one my mom likes to say, "hmm maybe you can walk" sure maybe if my FND allows me to but right now at that moment I needed to be in my wheelchair. So please stop apologizing to my caregiver as if she doenst get paid to do this. *rolls eyes*

[arquaticdreamer]

So true it's frustrating

Something people NEED understand is.

NO we not WANT an AAC device

NO we not WANT a wherlchair

NO we not WANT use a cane

NO we not WANT any disability aid

We NEED it. Is not a desire is a NECESSITY

Get this inside dumbass brain of you already! Need stop think us disabled people like be disabled just because proud or aware need help.