arsenicpanda

[arsenicpanda]

Carlisle: I was attacked and bitten

Edward: I was bitten without any choice and amidst a fever in the height of a pandemic

Esme: I threw myself off a cliff and was turned while unconscious without any prior knowledge

Rosalie: I was bitten after being brutalized and left for dead in the streets, without my consent

Emmett: I was bitten to be saved after being mauled by a bear. I thought I was being carried to heaven by an angel

Alice: I was stolen from an asylum and bitten to be saved from a tracker

Jasper: when I was bitten I was drafted into a brutal underground war

Bella:

[arsenicpanda]

#i didn't realize rob schneider had a tumblr account (via @gaffsie)

Adam Sandler: So here's my pitch. There's this guy, average guy, kind of a loser, stays upbeat, his only real flaw is that he's a child at heart and doesn't hide it

Me: Ok Adam. This is fresh as fuck every time

Adam: And one day, he meets this beautiful blonde, and she doesn't really respect him. But he KNOWS there's a connection, and there must be something wrong that she doesn't see it

Me: Adam you're blowing my fucking mind this is untouched territory for you

Adam: So the guy crosses a few lines, yaknow? He steps over the line a little bit but it's for love, right? So it's cool. He solves the problem with social heroics, stays persistent and even though things get rough he wins her heart

Me: Yesssss this is literal gold Adam this is ingots

Adam: And I'm thinking, like, who we can get to play the guy?

Me: I think we both know just the guy

Adam: You don't think it's weird that the awkward everyman hero with a heart of gold is me again?

Me: Adam. Hand on heart bro. I couldn't care less

Adam: I'm so glad. You're my rock

Me: Can I borrow another $10,000

[arsenicpanda]

My cartoon for this week’s Guardian Books.

[arsenicpanda]

I just discovered foodtimeline.org, which is exactly what it sounds like: centuries worth of information about FOOD.  If you are writing something historical and you want a starting point for figuring out what people should be eating, this might be a good place?

[arsenicpanda]

Disgust has absolutely no ethical weight. If you are basing your ethical positions on the emotion of disgust you should stop, it is entirely unjustified and leads to a huge amount of harm.

[arsenicpanda]

the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

[arsenicpanda]

veronica sawyer & kiyomi takada: the world and everyone around me fucking sucks, i am #2 on the social hierarchy, i wish we could build a world of only kind-hearted people but i don't want to kill anyone (a little too late for that)

jd & misa amane: my mom's/parents' death catalyzed my terrible abandonment issues, i'm new in town, i'm going to kill everybody on the planet for this person i just met who i'm madly in love with and have fun doing it, i have unexamined issues with my gender, i am literally the best character in the entire franchise i'm in,

[arsenicpanda]

Bruce truly hates magic with every pump and beat of his heart.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Bro really thought he ate with that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

[arsenicpanda]

The 2 states of Suzaku

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[arsenicpanda]

the only thing in our new apartment so far

[arsenicpanda]

Get car seats for my kids first.

[arsenicpanda]

[arsenicpanda]

It's so funny that Misa is famous. Imagine that you're a normal ass cop and you get put on a special task force to catch a mass murderer. And you meet with the expert detective in charge. And he tells you your top 2 suspects are a random teenager and like. Ariana grande

[arsenicpanda]

Bedtime Routine. my comic piece for @querermezines Kira Kira zine wheeeeee

[arsenicpanda]

Rukia the artist

[arsenicpanda]

Another Ace Attorney draw your squad meme thing. These are so fun to make!!