asecualhand

[asecualhand]

i dont like sex or heaving sex and i dont like bugs in the kitchen that crawl across the counter

[asecualhand]

Me at 12: I like wearing polos and baggy clothes!! It makes me look like a boy. I'm not ready to be a grown up girl yet.

Me at 16: I don't feel like other girls at school. It's like they all understand something that I'm missing. It feels as if everyone got their instruction manual on teenage girlhood, but mine got lost in the mail.

Me at 19: a customer almost called the cops because she thought I was a man in the women's restroom. While I'm sure it was racially charged, it was nice being called sir.

Me at 23: I know I will never marry or have kids. Peers warn me of womanly milestones to reach before my 26th birthday, but I can't hear them over the sound of slapping my boobs together. I'm content with being perceived as a lesser female. Womanhood feels like a performance and I'm being boo'ed off the stage.

Me at 25: I enjoy being a woman, but sometimes I wish I wasn't. I wish I could be a guy sometimes. I really like the name Anthony. It sounds masculine, but also sweet and kind. If I were a guy, my name would be Anthony. I like being a woman, but I wish there were other options, sometimes. This is a very normal thought to have.

Me now: Ruh-roh Raggy

[asecualhand]

ITS THAT TIME AGAIN

[asecualhand]

Not everybody uses split attraction. Asexual is a whole, complete term on its own. I'm Asexual; I have no interest in romantic relationships. My definition of asexual is correct, as is the hypothetical person you're complaining about. My existence does not invalidate you.

Split attraction is a very new -and very western- tool that's not useful to everyone. For example, many Japanese people use the term "non-sexual" because in Japan, asexual means "no attraction whatsoever"

Not only does this post erase non-SAM aces like me, it also disregards any documentation and definition of asexuality outside of North American/English-speaking communities

"This character is ace because they have never shown any interest in dating or have ever seemed to experience romantic attraction!" THATS NOT ACE THATS ARO THATS AROMANTIC AROMANTICISM THOSE ARE DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REMEMBER AROS EXIST OUTSIDE OF ASEXUALITY AND THAT THERE ARE ACES WHO FEEL ROMANTIC ATTRACTION PLEASE

[asecualhand]

I heard someone call barbie disappointingly heterosexual and I've never disagreed with anything more strongly in my life

[asecualhand]

the white-green gradient of a freshly chopped spring onion…. c'est magnifique

[asecualhand]

You’re lovesick. I’m love immune. We’re not the same.

[asecualhand]

I just watched a a video about asexual dating, and one of the questions was "could an asexual be in a happy relationship with a very 'intimate' Allo partner?" 4 out of 5 ace hosts basically said "if you loved them, you would at least try". I absolutely HATE it. Why are aces coaching each other to become sexually complicit? That's straight up encouraging assault.

They all kept talking about "communication is key" but communication can't solve everything. On top of that, if the goal of communicating is getting your partner into bed, that's coercion. We see how the "love conquers all" attitude can trap allos in toxic relationships full of cheaters and hopelessness, but we somehow think asexuals can't fall into this same trap because.... we're not driven by sex? Except we are, because sex-favourable aces exists.

It's not just this one particular video. I've spent the last 8 weeks looking up interviews, podcasts, and general discussions about the complexity of asexual experiences. Most of them have mentioned that some asexuals are """willing""" to negotiate or try something. The burden is always put on asexual people. It makes me uncomfortable seeing so many people gloss over how serious those implications are.

Anytime asexual people show concern or rejection of these relationships, somebody feels the need to get defensive of their own relationship(s). Documentaries about asexual couples always have comments saying "Aces can want sex!!!" Why do so many people feel invalidated when other aces don't compromise, and are still in happy relationships? Especially when both people are asexual?

I don't blame the individual person for thinking like this. It's more of a reflection of how asexual communities have slowly moved towards conformity within the last 6 years. Asexual visibility has taken off recently, and with more public view comes more public scrutiny. It's understandable how after years of harassment, asexuals want to be more relatable/palatable through conformity and respectability. It's a similar situation with how the "proper" queer person would distance themselves from drag queens or they/it pronouns. I just don't think that route is the right one.

Submitted 01/08/24

[asecualhand]

fuck it’s august??? what’s next? 2022???? can’t do this anymore

[asecualhand]

It won’t let me reblog EVERYONE LOOK

[asecualhand]

Me listening to my friends vent about their relationship drama:

[asecualhand]

Not ALL asexuals are ugly virgin losers. We can do COOL and NORMAL behaviors such as wiggling the willy, shitting on the first date, and biweekly scheduled WooHoo. Some of us even have piss kinks! We are just like you.

[asecualhand]

'aros can still date!!' 'asexuals can still have sex!!!'

we can also still bite you. do you want us to bite you.

[asecualhand]

actually

being aroacespec is wonderful

i enjoy being alone, w/o a partner of any kind

but that doesn’t mean im lonely, i have my friends and hobbies and isnt the sun in the morning the most beautiful thing????? the sound of rain??? laughing at a funny post until your stomach hurts?? isnt this community we built absolutely amazing????

i am not cold-hearted, im not a robot & most importantly, im happy this way

i just wish that little me wasnt fed so much crap growing up about finding “the one”; i wish someone told me sooner that i dont have to have relationships to complete me, that there were others like me, that im not wrong for feeling the way i do, that theres different ways of being & experiencing the world

but i have more of life to live & places to see & things to obsess over; theres always more

[asecualhand]

“Oh you’re aroace but you still date right?”

“How about a QPR??”

“Ace people can still have sex :)”

Shut up shut up shut up shut UP, I thought this was the one place where I wouldn’t feel bad for being single but now I feel worse!! Even in a community for aro and ace people, I’m STILL a loser for being single!

Submitted 26/07/24

[asecualhand]

"aromanticism and asexuality exist separate from each other and people who are aromantic and not ace deserve to exist in peace outside of the ace community without constantly being mislabeled as ace or erased from existence" and "people who are aroace and people whose experiences fall into both communities but who don't use the SAM are allowed to view their asexuality and aromanticism as one and the same thing, without being told they're mislabeling themselves or that they're harming the aspec communities by not clearly separating their experiences into either 'ace' or 'aro' categories" are statements that can and should be true at the same time

[asecualhand]

How do we have open conversations about comphet affecting aroace women, without seeming like we're piggybacking off of lesbians? How do we seek commonality, without seeming to push across boundaries?

There's a very big overlap between these communities, and there's a lot of shared experience with both groups being women who don't want men. Many aroace women mislabeled themselves as lesbians because of the relatability. There's great potential for an amazing alliance between these two groups, and it should be explored more thoroughly.

Aroaces have the freedom to post in the aromantic and/or asexual tags, by default of being aromantic AND asexual. If you don't want to see aroaces, go to the alløäro or alløàce tags.