ashrants

[ashrants]

not to be a stupid ass homo but I'm so gay for @grey-bees they're so fucking cute I'm gonna explode

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a year later and I'm still obsessed with my man

ugh he's so fine no one talk to me

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hanging w family makes me sad because it's a reminder I'm the outsider of my family in multiple ways and no one will ever truly understand me

I'm assuming they know I go by Ash but they've all swept it under the rug and just disregard me like who I am doesn't matter

[ashrants]

having trichotillomania is such a struggle and I'm very insecure about my hair. I'm at the point where I either wanna shave it all off and have a fresh restart or buy a wing so I can cover my bald spot

everyone who knows about my trich has been very kind about it but it's still a struggle for me and my mother isn't helping with my insecurity I'm just so tired

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small vent but my best friend shinji was really mean to me yesterday and he kept posing it as a joke, but as someone who used to just take and swallow it even when it hurt, I didn't put up with it this time. He kept calling me a dumb bitch and I was okay with that because I knew he was joking but then he had the audacity to call me slow and that's when i said "Okay fuck that". So I gave him a piece of my mind and sure, I might've gone too hard but I stood up for myself!! I call myself dumb but no one else is gonna call me that. I sent him that at 4:30pm yesterday and he hasn't responded so he might be mad at me and what sucks is that I have trauma from friends blocking me out of the blue so tbhhh he might do that after that whole debacle but idk.

sorry for this mess of a vent my thoughts are very incoherent rn but I just needed to talk about it

[ashrants]

posting this here bc Alex lawther makes me GRFGEARGFSRGAAARGGG

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these two are so autism and I can thoroughly explain why

in season 1, James always sits in a forward position with his hands in his lap.

James also plans out things ahead of time, much like a person with autism likes a consistent schedule in their day.

Early season one James also has an unhealthy hyperfixation in murder. According to him, he has killed multiple animals, and he contemplates which position he should kill Alyssa.

In both season one and two, Alyssa is known for her harsh and cold tone, even when she's being genuine with others. Alyssa struggles with getting along with others due to how cold she tends to be.

Alyssa is also fully aware that she is different from others, as she often quotes that she thinks "there's something wrong with [her]."

That's about all the traits I can name of the top of my head haha yeah

[ashrants]

;) heyyy

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you left me nearly 2 years ago

and I still find myself caring for you

you abandoned me

when you knew how much it'd hurt

and yet my heart still beats for you

it hurts to think about you

it hurts to think that you put all the guilt on me

when you were just as guilty

why do i care for you?

after you made me cry all those tears?

after you made me question my worth?

my kindness?

just because you couldn't properly communicate with me

i understand i had much to work on back then

but i was blind to it

i know i am not perfect

but you could have communicated that with me

yet you left me with little explanation

i want to hate you

i want to hate you for killing a part of me

that i'll never get back

but part of me still loves you

still misses what we had

and i'm not sure what to do about that

[ashrants]

today I learned if one of your wireless earbuds is louder than the other, and disconnecting and reconnecting it/ unpairing it doesn't work, put the tip of the earbud in rubbing alcohol for 30 mins. This will remove all the dirt, earwax and other guck from the inside of the earbud and give u a clearer sound 🙃

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and what sucks even more is that in the past, I've always been a loner. i grew up as an only child, I have had a terrible group of friends during high school, and my first two years of college sucked cause I couldn't build a relationship with any of my roommates. And now here I am with three girls who I actually like and want to do things with, and suddenly they're all unavailable

I seriously feel like I was just destined to be alone. I don't believe in God but if he does exist I feel like this is just his big fuck you to me

[ashrants]

I've been dissociating lately.. like i feel like a ghost watching my own body. I've felt just really unappreciated by my roommates lately, like every opportunity I throw at them to hang out with me they just turn down or come up with some excuse not to. I didn't even ask for much, I just wanted to play like an hour of Mario party and two of them said yes after they came home from something they were doing but then I asked again earlier tonight and oh no suddenly they can't cause they have something else going on. I wish they'd just cut the bullshit and say straight up to my face that they don't like me instead of beating around the bush. And of course, I can't go to talk to anyone about this cause everyone around me thinks I'm overly sensitive even tho personally I think this is a normal reaction. Like yeah okay if you have something to do, I understand but don't say yes and then bring up some bullshit excuse the next day. Everything sucks, people suck, I'm upset

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I love my silly dumb man soooo much like he's dealt with MY dumb ass for 10 MONTHS now!?!?!

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thingkjng about boygdfriebd (again)

dis is us btww ^_^ (we r getting pizzaaaa)

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they're both hot and I'm so gay for both of them okay goodnight

[ashrants]

me real (I feel like no one truly understands me because of the emotional wall I've built for myself and it's hard for me to let people in because I'm afraid they're gonna use my emotional baggage against me and I make quick bonds with people only to mess it up somehow and I'm never satisfied with anything in fear that I might lose it all one day)

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WAKE UP GUYS NEW STANSTATE RTC PICTURES DROPPED