ashtraythief

[ashtraythief]

at a conference I attended recently, a researcher pointed to the difficulty of finding material in archives because so much depends on the metadata and the terminology used to describe things changes over time. "it would be so helpful," the researcher said, "if I typed 'lesbian' into the library of congress database, it would also show me results that were categorised in the 50s, when the materials were interpreted as 'intimate female friendships'"

which is what tag wrangles at Archive Of Our Own do incredibly effectively: searching for "omegaverse" also leads to "alpha/beta/omega dynamics" and "alternate universe: a/b/o" and so on. but ao3 achieves this frankly incredible categorisation and indexing system by the power of countless volunteers putting in hours and hours of unpaid and unthanked free time, and it's completely understandable that most archives do not have that kind of infrastructure, but also how incredible that a fan-run website has better searchability, classification, and accessibility than the library of congress

[ashtraythief]

Every unhinged fic writer needs an equally unhinged friend who "yes ands" their ideas and encourages them to write all their most far fetched and insane stories.

[ashtraythief]

me, having deeply fallen out of the practice of writing poetry: I can’t write any more, I am now a Talentless Hack

the voice of my 11th grade journalism/12th grade creative writing teacher who rly did know everything: if you stop writing for a while the words will build up and stagnate. to clear the water, you will have to open the dam completely, and accept the fact that what initially comes out will not be palatable

[ashtraythief]

I just wanted to say thank you for your continued work on The End. I can’t wait to read it, no matter when it gets posted. I’ll be sad but know it’ll be a good read. ☺️

Thank you so much 💙 especially for being patient and sticking with it for so long! I've been working more on it the last few weeks and all the love for this story really does help the muse 😅

[ashtraythief]

The Underneath Update Post

Since I've been getting several asks about this, I decided to make an update post, and whenever something significant happens, writing-wise, I'll update this post. This is probably going to haunt me for a very long time, but I'm being pretty productive right now, so present!me thinks this is a great idea, while future!me is probably going to hate this. But that is not my problem, so. Here is where we are, on 16. June 25:

Still no idea how long it's going to take to finish it, but the journey's half the fun, right? Right???

[ashtraythief]

How’s “The End” coming along?

I'm having deja vu answering this, but

I had a good plotting talk with my underneath beta yesterday actually and she thinks I'll probably have to split either chapter 3 or 4 into two chapters, but I'm ignoring that for now lol. I finally made some big plot decisions that I've been waffling on for a while so hopefully I'll manage to write a decent draft for chapter one in the next few weeks, so we can really get started. After that, who knows. As you can tell by the word count, I'm least excited to work on chapter 2, so that's going to be... interesting to motivate myself 😅

[ashtraythief]

I’m going to be so sad when Underneath ends. 🙁 I’ve been reading this ‘verse when it was first done as a big bang fic in LJ. I love it and am re-reading it now. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. ☺️

Omg that's such a long time! Thanks so much for still sticking with it 💙 and not gonna lie, I'm gonna be a little sad too. We can be sad together 😅

[ashtraythief]

Favorite canon bisexual characters:

Nick Nelson in Heartstopper (2022 - )

Remy "Thirteen" Hadley in House, M.D. (2004-2012)

Rosa Diaz in Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-2021)

Alex Claremont-Diaz in Red, White and Royal Blue (2023)

Annalise Keating in How To Get Away With Murder (2014-2020)

Callie Torres in Grey's anatomy (2005-)

[ashtraythief]

Hey there!! Just wanted to come to tumblr to tell you that I adore all your fics on Ao3, you are an extremely talented writer‼️ I read Underneath and I was so pleasantly surprised to see all the other works in the verse, I am absolutely obsessed. I also really love The Long Hard Times fic🤩 I liked the prison scenario way too much lol and the dynamic between J2. I wanted to ask, what would you have had happened if you continued after the second part🧐 Did Jensen stick around with Jared as he went back to being an enforcer? Would he have gone up the ranks with all those connections like JDM? Speaking of which I also loved the background JDM/Misha you have such a good way of making all the characters intriguing, I could have read 50 chapters of just the everyday prison life😂

Omg thank you so much!!! And also, Hard Times, what a blast from the past 😅 honestly, it's been a while with those fics, but sure, absolutely happy ending for those two (though that probably means not so happy for other people...) and I think with his position as a leader in jail Jared's more poised to take on more responsibility outside. And Jensen for sure sticks around for that even if they're going to have to find a new balance outside. But they're gonna make it work.

Thanks for your lovely message, anon 💙

[ashtraythief]

Sorry to pile on with the other Underneath questions, but in Ghost from the Past, Jared seems, for lack of a better word, softer when it comes to Jensen. Is it because he’s finally come to trust Jensen won’t leave?

No worries, I really don't mind!

Yeah, I think it's a mixture of trust and learning to enjoy this kind of closeness? Like he realized he can be like that with Jensen and Jensen likes it. It's less of a battle these days, and Jared figured out that being like this with Jensen won't be seen as a weaknesses. And Jensen also allows it and enjoys it more openly these days. But it all goes back to a foundation of trust (foundation lol)

[ashtraythief]

I saw you mention that you had half finished fix, and I just want to say how I wish one was a follow up to Caught in the Cookie Jar. That fix was cute and wish I could see how things turned out!

Aww sorry nonnie! I appreciate your love for that fic, but that was very much a one shot for the sake of the one shot. But they absolutely lived happily ever after and were once caught making out at the kids' joint birthday party.

[ashtraythief]

I love that fic with Tyler!!!!! It made me laugh so hard. It was so much fun! Probably one of the “funnest” of the fics you’ve wrote for this world. I want to read it back always, but Tyler gives me second hand embarrassment. My god when Jensen overhears…. Mortifying. I would never recover if I was him. So much fun, though, and especially nice to see that in Underneath. I also love how people see Jared. I always figured he’d treat all his employees really well, but it’s still nice to see haha.

Oh thank you so much for this lovely message 🥰🥰🥰

I really love writing fun, silly fics and the underneath verse is not really that, so the inclusion of Tyler was just such a great opportunity to lighten things up a bit 😅 so happy you enjoyed it despite the second hand embarrassment 😅 and outsider pov is just always the most fun to write.

[ashtraythief]

You must be tired of all the Underneath asks, but I have a question.

In “Play Time”, Jared mentions not liking kissing before Jensen. So, in “Ghosts of the Past”, is this one of the things Chris is talking about with Jared being different with Jensen?

Honestly I'm not tired at all, because I love this fic and I love talking about it and I continue to be blown away by the interest in it. So ask away 😅

Hmm, I don't know if Chris was around enough to see all the kissing, but he probably did lurk a bit. So yeah. He saw it and it was probably part of it. Also the cuddling. Jared's much more touchy with Jensen generally.

I mean, Jared didn't dislike kissing before Jensen, it was more that he didn't mind it, so when Chris kissed him back then, he would've returned the kiss but I think for Jared kissing was always a stepping stone to fucking and with Jensen it becomes more. Sometimes they kiss, a lot, and don't even have sex! Wild concept to Jared lol but he came to love it. Partly I think because of the intimacy of it and partly because with Jensen his relationship is about more than sex. Granted, with Chris it was too, a little, but he never loved Chris like that and he also never opened up to him like that. And I think kissing and cuddling are also little chips in Jared's manly macho man facade and that's not something he would've done with Chris. He can with Jensen though and now he really loves it.

[ashtraythief]

star!!!!! excited to see what directors cut you want to talk about!

For the Fanfic Director's Cut Commentary

Sorry this took me so long to answer, but it was hard to choose a specific scene 😅 I went with the Underneath verse, naturally, because it's what I've been working on and because it's what most people seem curious about (though I'd be happy to talk about other fics too!). I settled on a more recent one, and an easy and fun one. If you want a meaty emotional scenes, you’re gonna have to ask for it 😂.

Worst Cliché, Chapter Two: Office Fantasies

Outsider POV, in which unsuspecting temp worker Tyler becomes second assistant to CEO Jared. The scene specifically is this:

Now that Mr. Padalecki was in the office regularly, Tyler had more to do. He fetched coffee and lunch, directed more phone calls, and got to deliver signed papers. Mr. Padalecki had a business attitude and a casual air of power around him. He never yelled, was never rude, always said please and thank you even though he didn’t have to, and he was sincere enough that Tyler never had the feeling he was just paying lip service.

Tyler spent half of his lunch breaks eating at his desk, but the other half he spent in the cafeteria, bonding with Melissa, who worked for the same temping company and who had started at PadaSystems at the same time, working in accounting. Melissa’s boss was not attractive at all, so she was living vicariously through Tyler. And he didn’t mind getting his new obsession with his boss off his chest.

“And it’s not only his looks,” Tyler said, despairing over his salad. “When Mr. Padalecki looks at you with his sincere hazel eyes and thanks you for completing a task, you feel like you just saved the company from ruin, I swear. And like, he knows every employee by name, even the janitors.”

“So he’s rich and nice.” Melissa whistled.

“I wouldn’t say nice, exactly,” Tyler said. “Like, that’s not his vibe. But he’s appreciative and not dismissive, you know. He sees people.”

Melissa pointed her yogurt spoon at Tyler. “But you want him to see you a little more.”

“Yeah, well. He’s tragically straight, so I’m going to have to settle for him smiling at me whenever I do something right.”

“He’s got a great smile too?”

Tyler had only seen it once when Mr. Padalecki was on the phone and leaving the office, but—“He’s got fucking dimples.”

“I think I’m gonna need to come visit you at some point for lunch,” Melissa said, eyes far away like she was already imagining that lunch.

“Don’t you dare,” Tyler hissed. Melissa was many things, but subtle was not one of them.

She just laughed and threw a napkin at him.

Tyler threw it back at her, then he saw the time. “Fuck, I’m late.”

He didn’t run out of the cafeteria, but it was a close call. He made it back to his desk just in time.

Katie was always diligent and kept an eye on his break times, but with Mr. Padalecki in the office, she became even more efficient, managing schedule changes, travel arrangements, and meeting presentations with mind-blowing speed. Tyler got dizzy just looking at her. If he wanted to be a personal assistant for the rest of his life, she’d be his new role model. And Katie obviously enjoyed working for Mr. Padalecki very much, not that Tyler could blame her. At some point in the course of the day, Mr. Padalecki usually lost his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt to reveal muscular tan forearms and Tyler had to remind himself not to drool. But the white shirt really left no doubt that Mr. Padaelcki would be able to not only fuck him against a wall but probably bench-press Tyler like a human barbell. He needed to go to the bathroom to collect himself after that mental image. Tyler really knew better than to lust after hot straight guys, but he was only temping here and the work wasn’t exactly his dream job, so he thought indulging a little in his daydreams was okay.

Until a week later, when Tyler realized that he’d been so very, very wrong about his boss.

Director's Cut Commentary: I looooove writing outsider POV, it’s just so much fun to imagine how other people in this fictional work are going to react to your characters.

Plus, no one is always aware of how they are perceived, so this opens up a whole new set to write about a character. It also lets me delve into a different character voice. The Underneath verse especially is pretty serious fare, so it was fun to choose the office romance setting to get a different look at Jared (and I really leaned into that trope lol). We also never really see what he does at work, because Jensen’s rarely there and it doesn’t really matter to their story, so this was also fun. Tyler is a pretty care-free guy, and while I have a whole backstory for him that I didn’t put in here, I think this shows that he’s not taking things too seriously, is still figuring himself out and also this job. Including Katie’s devotion to Jared also let me explore that he generally has a good relationship with his employees. I think there’s a lot of merit in the saying don’t judge people by how they treat their equals but their inferiors (not as people, obviously, but as in below them in the corporate ladder or service industry workers etc). I worked as a waitress for years, and while most people treated me well, there were a couple of privileged assholes who treated me like shit while being super nice to my boss, the owner. And I think that says a lot about them. So this fic was a good chance to show that bad mob boss Jared treats all of his people well and with respect and inspired loyalty in both of his jobs. He might be a big bag criminal, but he does have a code of morlas and ethics, and his heart is in the right spot. Mostly anyway. The small look at Katie’s work ethic is also another marker in the Jared knows how to pick his people column, which I always considered his greatest strength and key to his success.

I also realize that this scene is super horny, but Jared’s very hot and since Jensen isn’t really the swooning type, this was self-indulgent fun. It’s half the reason I wrote this fic, honestly. It was also a good opportunity to show another side of the whole Jared presents himself as a macho man so he doesn’t appear gay. I think I explored that elsewhere a little too, but I think, realistically,the mob is probably not the most queer-friendly space. So Jared, who did not want to hide that part of himself, presents himself as much as a dominating guy’s guy as he can. Clothes, watches, cars, liquor; everything is modeled on classic manly men things. Some of it he genuinely likes, some of it he learned to like. And of course, turning his body into 250 pounds of muscle, so he can punch a guy out with one hit if anyone questions his masculinity. It’s fairly toxic, but to me it felt fitting for this fic. And so I had Tyler think he’s straight too. Of course, he eventually figures out he’s wrong, but it takes him a few days.

So yeah, this was mostly light fun, an opportunity to approach this verse from a lighter angle and showing some stuff that otherwise doesn’t fit into the main narrative. I hope that was interesting, anon, thank you for the ask!

[ashtraythief]

Do you have fics outside of Underneath that need to be finished? I can’t remember a long series that is unfinished, at least. Maybe Lifetime, but that fic is basically finished, from what I remember. So yeah, which fics are you hoping to go back and finish (besides Underneath)?

Well, there's Starcrossed, though I really bit off more than I can chew there and I don't think that's ever going to get finished 😭 and I have 10+k written for a sequel for an old one shot that I really want to finish one day. Though technically that's not a series yet because the original fic can stand on its own. I also have some unfinished outtakes for breaking the ice, which is also not really an unfinished verse, but there's more alternate POV stuff for it.

My other WIPs have never seen the light of day, so they're only WIPs to me I guess, but they're still real and taunting me 😅 (there are 20 files in that folder. I broke out into cold sweat just looking in there to count lol so this is where I'm at)

[ashtraythief]

Also, I noticed you said this won’t be your last fanfic in this fandom, that you’ll write more for your WIPS and finish other fics you started… Does that mean no new fics from you? I have a hard time picturing you never writing J2 again. It doesn’t feel right. I guess you’ve been writing for this fandom for so long; and I’ve been reading them for so long, that it’s hard for me to imagine a day when Ash no longer writes for this fandom. If it means anything, I’ll be re-reading your fanfics when I’m 60+ and in a retirement home. I’m pretty confident on that haha

Oh, no, don't worry, with WIPs I meant the ones lingering in my writing folder. So while these fics are WIPs to me, they'll be new to everyone else 😅 I mean there's a lot I'll probably never finish but some fics have several thousand words and that's just too much to leave unfinished. So while I'm writing less now and also in new fandoms, I'm pretty sure I'll keep writing J2 until I'm also in my sixties lol. As you said, it's been over ten years now, and at this point it's just a very present part of my adult life that I don't think I'll give up anytime soon.

Thank you do much for your lovely message, nonnie! Very much put a smile on my face 💙