ask--eggman - Tumblr blog

[ask--eggman]

Fuck earth day!

*kicks a squirrel* and fuck mother nature.

Your creations.and empire are superior eggy and will last forever unlike the weak inferior world and the inferior animals.

Ohoho yes, that's the spirit! This world is indeed weak and inferior the way it is, it can only truly be celebrated and appreciated when I rule it all and turn it into something so much more beautiful! And with the power of the glorious empire and me as its mighty emperor, it shall reign forever supreme!

[ask--eggman]

simple question, is your lack of hair a stylistic choice, or is it natural?

It's both, really. Male pattern baldness runs in the family, if you couldn't tell by my grandfather. My father was a very similar case but he desperately tried to hold on to what hair on his head he had left, which I just found silly and unnecessary to cling to.

When it started to appear in me too and pretty early at that, it was expected and I didn't care for the preservation. So I just shaved it all and went full bald like my grandfather who had the better and right idea and decided to grow out my glorious mustache.

Clearly, I look most perfect with a beautiful shiny bald head and magnificent mustache instead!

[ask--eggman]

It’s Earth day? Why not Death Egg Day? These people are so ungrateful…

I know, right? The currently far superior sphere in space that was built entirely in my perfect image is in the planet's orbit right now and they don't think to appreciate that!

But fear not, one day "Earth Day" will be about celebrating me being the rightful owner and ruler of it, when I make it into something just as beautiful and perfect as my Death Egg is today!

Until then, I'm going to dub today "Death Egg Day", to celebrate and appreciate the superior giant sphere in space. And to think about how Earth could be just as great if it surrendered to the Eggman Empire!

[ask--eggman]

Doctor, many of us have been having quite the debate, and I'm tired of having to hear these idiots argue. I'm asking you this to finally settle this debate, are you or have you been in love with Vanilla? Cream's mom, in case you forgot somehow.

Why would anyone argue about such silly things? Why would any of you think you know anything about that kind of stuff concerning me? Don't waste your energy and breath on such nonsensical debates, put it into supporting me and spreading the word about my brilliance instead!

But fine, if it's such a burning question, I'll put it to rest. No, she's not my type. Plus, she comes with the baggage of having a child produced in the inferior traditional way, rather than what I accomplished with superior science in artificial intelligence with Sage. And it's that little pest Cream, at that.

Having a child of flesh and blood in the picture would come with expected responsibilities that I couldn't and wouldn't fulfill. Things that I very fortunately don't even have to think about when it comes to Sage. I'm not into that commitment.

Meanwhile, the whole time I had Vanilla imprisoned, the only personality I could gather from her was that of being a "mother." So much yapping about her child this, her child that. We're in stark contrast and not in a way I like. And I'd like a partner to dedicate such focus and attention to me alone instead!

I'm never "in love", even with those I may have taken some kind of interest in anyway. I don't waste my time with that sort of thing.

[ask--eggman]

Why is this website recommending this stuff to ME?

Hrmph! They never even have my size...

[ask--eggman]

Do not let the ridiculous current meaning of "Earth Day" distract you! Today, like all days, you should all think about how this planet is supposed to belong to me and what you can do to help get it into its rightful hands for good by joining the Eggman Empire!

And once I finally rule for good, it will become a day to celebrate and appreciate the beautiful new and improved version of Earth where it's finally shaped in my perfect image!

[ask--eggman]

In a previouse post you mentioned that your nose gets in the way of you doing things.

And im curiouse, what does it get in the way of?

Kissing men?

I mean come on, we know what you are. There's no shame in admiting it.

I wasn't exactly thinking of kissing when I said that... But well, it can sort of get in the way of that too. I can't kiss head on without my nose squishing upwards to reach. It's doable but usually some tilting of the head works better. This doesn't stop anyone from wanting to try, they tend to recognize how beautiful it is as they should and tell me it's "cute..." ////

Uhh - that doesn't mean it's men I'm kissing though! I'm talking about... The trophy I stole when Dodonpa was holding those racing tournaments a few years ago! I mean, I don't just kiss trophies. I kiss people too, I am very successful in pulling intimate partners, obviously. But the exact kind of people any of that is with is none of your business!

[ask--eggman]

hey whats this

*holds up clunky object that MIGHT (probably is) be dangerous*

What the hell? You put that thing down right now, it could be dangerous and I'm not having your curiosity cause me any trouble!

What even is it? I can't see very well from under here. I really should be more aware of what's laying around my base...

Actually, better question, how did you even get in here? Where's my security?

[ask--eggman]

Be afraid, Ivo, I can see your search history!.........

.........

.....

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH GAY SE -

WHAT THE ⁉️⁉️⁉️ YOU CLOSE THAT PAGE AND BACK OFF FROM MY STUFF RIGHT NOW ‼️‼️‼️‼️

That's certainly not my history! I must've been hacked again!

[ask--eggman]

a little birdie told me your insecure about your nose, thoughts?

Why would I be insecure about a single part of my body? It's perfect in every way, head to toe! My beautifully shaped, perfectly sized pink nose is no exception! It contributes a lot to my handsome, strong and bold facial structure. You all wish you could look as good as me!

Why would I grow out a big magnificent mustache that draws lots of attention to my nose if I was insecure about it? Whoever told you that clearly doesn't understand that I have the most beautiful nose in the world and think it's something to be insecure about, ugh.

I'm a little bothered when the rosacea flares up to the point it looks bright red and my enemies make insufferable jokes about it. It can also get in the way of... a couple of activities but I manage! But it also has certain benefits in other areas that you can't even imagine. ;)

[ask--eggman]

"I like your mostache"

It's so beautiful, magnificent and perfect, isn't it? It draws all the attention to my also gorgeous face and makes all the men stare in jealousy! Years of great care and skilled grooming went into this and it truly cannot be matched in beauty!

[ask--eggman]

Eggy, how do you feel about coffee in general? Do you like Starbucks?

I LOVE coffee! I have to thank it for waking up my genius brain, so it can be at it's sharpest and most active to work hard and concoct more brilliant plans. Even a powerful smart brain like mine needs a good kickstart at the beginning of the day. Plus I always feel groggy and grumpy when I wake up and everything pisses me off until I've had my coffee. Helps keep me awake for long all-nighters of important work too.

Indeed I do! Iced Americano is my absolute favorite coffee in the world. I often try to drink hot coffee too fast and burn myself and I usually have to add tons of sugar, so I prefer something colder with plenty generous pumps of espresso. I can drink it much faster so it wakes me up much faster too. I typically have my robots create a far superior spin on it that I call Eggbucks, hoho!

[ask--eggman]

“Why are you such a pain? Why not use your power for good? Instead of constantly fighting sonic and losing every time?”

@ask-amy-and-cream

How very rude of you to come barging into my space with the audacity to call me the pain!

It is for good already! There's no cause more important than me conquering the world, acquiring my rightful place on the throne and ruling as emperor of my glorious empire!

You need to open your eyes and see that the world be a much more beautiful place when it's in my grasp! For me, at least, the only one who's opinion matters, ohoho!

Maybe then you could stop being a pain and finally start fighting for what will one day be the winning side for good! You doubt me now but one day you'll regret not believing me when you had the chance!

[ask--eggman]

Based on your other alternatives...

You're rather lucky for being motherless

Really? I have no idea what you're all talking about when you mention these alternatives and counterparts or whatever. I've only ever met two and none of the things you're mentioning these alternates having or doing apply to the ones I've personally met.

Well, either way it doesn't matter to me that I didn't know my mother. I don't waste time missing and moping about things I've never had in the first place. I prefer to work towards what is possible for me to achieve in life instead, like taking over the world!

[ask--eggman]

You're never beating the boy kisser allegations. (Or alliGAYtions in your case.)

Alright, now you're all just bullying me! So what if a man enjoys Creme Eggs that explode with white creamy sticky goodness? So what if he owns statues of male busts with toned muscular builds? Can't a guy enjoy sweet chocolate treats and have an appreciation for the arts?

And so what if he searched up a certain term just once after one of you used it in relation to me in another of your little jokes, only to find out that it's something gay and never again? *Closes a few tabs on computer* None of this proves anything about his sexual interests!

And erm, uhhh - what I get up to in my private time is none of your business anyway, so don't even think about prying into any of that! It's certainly not anything you're thinking of!

[ask--eggman]

There are some versions of you that have complete or partial reconstruction of your body using robotic parts (don’t ask me how I know that) so have you considered doing that? Transferring that 300 IQ mind into a bot?

Really? I've only met two counterparts and neither had modified their bodies in any such ways. Strange that you'd know that before me.

Anyway, absolutely not. I'm perfect the way I am! My deal of putting others in robots is because they're inferior in their pathetic weak natural forms and I can make them better when built in my image with my technology and robotics. But that isn't necessary for me because I'm already as perfect as I can be!

I also feel it could potentially make people overlook my natural mental and physical strength, if they could just point to any mechanical alterations I made to myself. When it's kept separate to me but still created by me with my mighty mechs and fearsome battle bots, I get all the credit and hopefully less doubt in my natural ability.

So I haven't the slightest interest. Well, for the time being. Every now and then, I do consider the ways it could possibly benefit me. I don't want to entertain the idea of losing a limb or anything else bad happening to my body but it'd be good to know I'd at least have a way to replace it if the worst happened.

I've also considered it as an option to extend my lifespan or immortalize myself. While I'd prefer to keep my beautiful natural body, if transferring to tech or machine is the only way to stick around, I'll do it. As long as I keep my brilliant mind and resemble my old looks as much as possible!

[ask--eggman]

Eggman, if by some chance, you had some downtime where you're not fighting sonic and the rest but were by some circumstance unable to go anywhere (i.e. trapped in a room together) and someone had weed...would you partake in smoking weed with your foes?

Eurgh, why would I be stuck with them? What a nightmare! Well in that situation, of course I would. I'd hope that it can make being trapped there with them at least a little more bearable!

I can't bear to spend more than five minutes max around them when completely sober, being trapped with them should be enough to make anyone want a toke.

I'd be a fool to turn down free weed anyway, as long as I can tell it's not some kind of trick.