ask-ii-next-gen-blog

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

How are you guys' marriages? I'd assume since you have such young kids not much is happening in the bedroom, huh?

…

Store Clerk: Card please.

Test Tube: Here. *hands it over*

Store Clerk: Alright, transaction is complete. You have a new mattress and bed frame. 

Test Tube: Thank you. *turns to walk away*

Store Clerk: Sayy… how’d you break your bed? What was goin’ on the night that happened? *winks*

Test Tube: *face turns red, looks around in random places, and remembers last night, jfc that was ridiculous*

Test Tube: What my husband and I do in our bedroom is our business. I don’t feel like answering that fucking question, and if you want to keep perversely winking at me and asking me questions about my sex life, let the record state that I’m currently pregnant. Now I’d like to take my mattress and bed frame home so I have someplace to sleep tonight. May I have my credit card back now?

Store Clerk: *shocked, and embarrassed* Uhm… sure. h-here you go. 

Test Tube: Thank you. *walks off*

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

What if Apple meets marshmallow again?

Marshmallow and Apple: We did, this was our original plan, was to break off from our previous marriages so we could marry each other. 

Apple: I missed you so much

Marshmallow: I missed you more!

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

What about Cheesy?

Cheesy: Well… Apple and I are getting a divorce in a couple of days. 

Apple: You’ll be keeping Cheddar, I keep Apple Pie. 

Cheesy: We weren’t… really that much in love. 

Apple: Our parents arranged our marriage, in fact…

Cheesy and Apple: We’re both actually suuuper gay. 

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

What if White out (Paper's & marshmallow's daughter) cries non-stop just because she wants to bring her deceased twinbrother's/-sister's life back?

Marshmallow: White Out is a bit older now, she’s in preschool with everyone else’s kids.

Paper: She used to cry a lot back when she was a baby, but mostly it was because she was fussy. We always had a feeling she knew what happened, I mean, she was there.

Marshmallow: Now she has to deal with a whole different set of problems since you’ll be taking her and she won’t see me as often.

Paper: Oh! We almost forgot to mention that.

Marshmallow: Paper and I are getting a divorce.

Paper: We just don’t love each other as much as we thought. It was a spur of the moment marriage, and our hearts are set on other people.

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

And MePhone4?

MePhone: Let’s just say I found someone just like me to settle down with. 

Isung Universe Note 3: This is a photo that we took two days before our wedding… I’ve given birth since then.

MePhone: It’s a girl…she’s so pretty. 

Isung: Just like you…

MePhone: Just like us…

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Umm, might I ask what's going on with volleyball?

Nickel: She’s just grumpy…. all the time… that’s it

Baseball: While she was teething she bit my hand…. multiple times. 

Nickel: She’s not a fan of her brother either, to be honest. 

Baseball: Yeah, I always thought the baby that took after you would be the mean one.

Nickel: What’s that supposed to mean?

Baseball: Everything. 

Nickel: Well I’d never- I’m locking you out of the room when I take the test, just for that. 

Baseball: Baaaabe, noooo. Also take your binder off, Ii have to wash it. 

Nickel: Later. 

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Baseball's and nickel's babies?

Baseball: This is a much older photo. Still adorable though

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

What about Baseball's & Nickel's kids?

Baseball: They’re a bit older now. They’re both 1. We’ve been away for a bit. But the twin on the right is Softball, our boy. And the one on the left is Volleyball, our girl. We’re… more than a little concerned about Volley’s mental health. 

Nickel: *snickers* Should I tell them or do you wanna? 

Baseball: Tell them what? Ohhhhh. 

Nickel: Nothing, forget we said anything. 

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Baseball's & Nickel's kids?

Look, I have literally at the very least 5 or 6 asks about this one thing. I have been working on other things, I’ll post a picture of the babies later today. 

-Mod Peanut

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Hmm, I feel like it's been while since we've heard from Lightbulb and Paintbrush, how are they?

Paintbrush: Uhm....I’m busy right now. Flashlight got hurt falling out of a tree, and cracked her skull and pierced her cheek with her jaw bone. She’s flatlined four times so far and I can’t take it. Lightbulb was on her phone when Flashlight fell. I got mad and yelled at her and called her some names I’m not proud of. 

Paintbrush: I slapped Lightbulb and Lightbulb ran off with LED and I called Test Tube because I can’t handle this and Test Tube found Lightbulb. I...I just can’t handle this. It....it hurts and I want Flashlight to be okay. 

Test Tube: You need to talk to her, because I found her on a bench with LED sobbing profusely. I’d stick around, but I have to go home before the ice cream in my truck melts. 

Test Tube leaves the room, and the hospital. 

Paintbrush: B-baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you. I was stressed, and I didn’t know what else to do. 

Lightbulb: What you said hurt me, and it’s not fair that you won’t help me with being a better parent. 

Paintbrush: I promise that I’ll help you. I’ll never call you stupid again, okay?

Lightbulb: I...I guess. I need a minute to adjust okay?

Paintbrush: O-okay. 

Flashlight flatlines. 

Paintbrush: Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit!

Lightbulb: I don’ want her to die Paintbrush, I-I can’t deal with myself if she dies!

Flashlight’s heart rate picks up at normal levels

Paintbrush: H-hey...it’s stable now. M-maybe she’s going to be okay. 

Lightbulb: *smiles*

Flashlight: Ugnh...Mnh....

Paintbrush peers over

Flashlight: M...Mama? This...hurts... I-I’m scared. 

Paintbrush grabs Flashlight, pulling her into a hug

Paintbrush: Oh baby! I....I’m so sorry. It’s okay now...you’re okay. I promise. 

Flashlight: O...Okay...

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

MCHELLO EVERYONE IM MOD MALABITE AND I AM NEW HERE BE GENTLE WITH ME PLS

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

...did Nickel and the baby manage to survive that bloody mess?

Nickel: Very surprisingly, I’m still physically a man! 25 stitches later, of course, but still a man! 

Baseball: I have agreed that it can be my turn next time, because Nickel is not in the mood. 

Nickel: That would make us both the Mom and both the Dad.

Baseball: Nickel, you’re the Mom. 

Nickel: There is no Mom!

Baseball: Says the man with the simulation breasts. 

Nickel: Baseball!

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

So,how did Nickel give birth to the baby?

      It hurt so badly… Nickel thought everything in him was going to explode as the baby’s head traveled through him. It’s only window of escape was very small, and as it expanded, Nickel felt the edges tearing. The pain was unbearable, and tears began to flow from Nickel’s clenched eyes as he breathed in and out. Baseball was there, and Nickel was blindly grabbing the edges of his shirt. 

     “You’re almost there…just breathe and don’t push until I tell you,” Test Tube could be heard by Nickel, even though he couldn’t see her. He trusted her, but the pain was getting to be too much, he felt sick to his stomach. He wanted this to be over. He wanted to see his baby already. 

     “F-fuuck! This hurts!,” Nickel yelled. It was all he could bring himself to say. The searing pain was bringing the tears down faster. His face was red, and dripping with sweat. Nickel gulped, and kept his eyes clenched shut as his opening stretched to accommodate the baby. He began to pinch Baseball’s flesh as he grabbed.  Baseball was crying too, and he was biting his lip so much that it bled. 

     “Okay, we need to do this fast and smooth, one movement, on the count of three, I need you to push with everything you have, no matter how much it hurts, okay?,” Test Tube said. Nickel nodded. He listened as Test Tube counted down.  

                                     Three…. Two….. One.

       Nickel pushed with all the energy he could muster, giving a muffled scream and nearly cracking his teeth from grinding them so much, creating a tearing sound and a violent spray of blood to erupt from his nether region. Blood was all over the lower end of the hospital smock he was wearing, there was blood on his legs, and the bed. He was in so much pain, but suddenly, something slid through. Test Tube caught it in her hands, and examined it. 

      Nickel’s nose was bleeding now, he tasted it. He gently tried to open his eyes, he couldn’t see much. Everything was blurry. “Uhm…..it’s a girl?!,” Test Tube exclaimed, tapping the baby’s back and suctioning it’s airways. A powerful cry rang through the room. It hurt Nickel’s ears, but he was too happy to care. 

     “W-wait, I thought you said the baby was a boy,” Baseball said, confused as he held the baby girl in his arms, smiling. 

      Nickel felt another wave of intense pain hit him, and he pushed extremely hard out of instinct, screaming. Another slight tearing sound, another splash of blood, another object emerged. “Well….there he is,” Test Tube said nonchalantly, patting the baby on the back, and suctioning again. This cry was much weaker than that of the newborn boy’s predecessor. Nickel opened his eyes gently, and reached out to hold the baby. Test Tube handed the boy to him. 

      “You alive Buddy?,” Test Tube asked, checking the vitals on the heart monitor and writing them onto a few sheets of paper. Nickel nodded weakly, breathing heavy and back still slightly arched. 

      “How the fuck do women do this?, This is literally the hardest thing in the world to do,” Nickel breathed. Test Tube smiled, and elaborated. 

      “Our bodies have three openings naturally, I had to make you an opening. Also, our opening is the size of a coin without stretching to accommodate a watermelon, while yours is the size of a pen tip. It is extremely painful, almost every single time, but you had a few extra hoops to jump through,” she said. 

      “Baseball, next time you want a baby, you’re the one getting pregnant, not me, fuck this,” Nickel said. Baseball nodded in agreement. Nickel held the baby in his arms, and smiled. 

      “Awww, you make such a cute mom, Nickel,” Baseball squealed. Nickel shot Baseball a glare, one that nearly threatened death. Baseball gulped and laid off, point was taken. 

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Apple: I'm going to the store, keep an eye on the baby.

Cheesy: Okay!

Apple: *leaves*

Cheesy: *picks up Cheddar* Aren't you just a chip off the old cheese block?

Cheddar: Bah!

Cheesy: *sticks his tongue out at Cheddar*

Cheddar: *laughs*

Cheesy: *places Cheddar on the floor* Let's see what you got, little buddy.

Cheddar: D...d...da...*drools*

Cheesy: *snickers*

Cheddar: Da-ddy!

Cheesy: Holy Swiss! *slaps knee* You said something! *picks Cheddar up and spins him around*

Cheddar: Daddy?

Cheesy: Mhm?

Cheddar: Down.

Cheesy: I can't just drop you.

Cheddar: Wet.

Cheesy: *moves his hands around* Oooooh, let's change you then, buddy.

Cheddar: Daddy.

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Nickel: *folding baby clothes* You know what the biggest mistake I've ever witnessed was?

Baseball: What?

Nickel: Our marriage.

Baseball: Aw, Babe, don't say that. You love me.

Nickel: Oh I love you, but your dumb ass dropped the ring so many times it should've been sent to YouTube.

Baseball: Says the guy who tripped on thin air and fell face first into the cake.

Nickel: That was you.

Baseball: FUCK!

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

Hey fan and test tube, how's you garden of hellspawns doing?

Fan: I’m shocked you know about them, we’ve never told anyone. 

Test Tube: About as good as you’d expect. The city sent us a notice saying that they might have to investigate our house, because we’re the house where the mail carriers disappear. Mainly because we feed them to these monsters. 

Fan: They’re gross, Test Tube calls them her thorny babies and feeds them with a giant spoon sometimes. *retches* 

Test Tube: Well, they kill weeds and watch the babies when we can’t, so stop complaining.

Fan: Can we at least cut down the giant tulip? She keeps drooling on me whenever I head to the garage. 

Test Tube: I’ll think about it. 

[ask-ii-next-gen-blog]

@suitloon how's the baby?

Suitcase: We have Helium and Trunk, who are adorable miracles. Ii’m glad that I’m still around to take care of them. Helium is the one on the left. 

Balloon: They’re both a little clingy, and they’re a lot heftier because they were bottle fed. 

Suitcase: They’re both two years old, and they’ll be starting school with everyone else’s kids soon. 

Balloon: She’s the last baby we’ll be having for a little while. 

Suitcase: Uhmmm…..about that…

Balloon: What? You said you didn’t want any more kids for a little while to give your body a break.

Suitcase: That’s what I wanted yeah. 

Balloon: So, what’s the problem?

Suitcase: I’m pregnant. 

Balloon: Oh shit! 

Suitcase: Shhhh! I just got her to sleep. 

Balloon: *whispering* Oh shit.

Suitcase: We can talk about this on the couch- and no groping my ass this time! This is why we’re in this mess in the first place. 

Balloon: *hurriedly follows Suitcase*