aspens-treehouse

[aspens-treehouse]

rereading this and holy shit my medicated brain is a whole different beast lmao

Cuddy should keep House in line by threatening to take away his Wilson privileges, an essay:

Alternate title: Episodes that didn't happen in the show but are cannon in my heart and no one can convince me otherwise, a summery:

Observe,

- Episode starts normally, House is avoiding clinic duty and gets assigned a case no one else can crack, he wants to try something far fetched and Cuddy, per usual, says no and wonders to herself if he was perhaps absent the week they discussed ethics in med school. This time though, she puts her foot down and threatens to send Wilson to a conference every time House does something that gets the hospital sued, would land him with felony charges and prison time if brought up in court, or preemptively triggers a headache for the nice woman in HR who knows how long its going to take to fill out the paperwork and record official complaints from innocent bystanders the other hospital staff in the aftermath of his convoluted and most likely illegal attempts to treat patients -

House: does it anyway and commits medical malpractice™ calling her bluff (I do what I want + You're not my supervisor + This sign can't stop me because I can't read)

Cuddy: actually goes through on her threat and sends Wilson across the country for three days to attend a conference

House: surprised pikachu face

- This process repeats about a half dozen times before House stops trying to call her bluff and realizes she's actually going through with her threat and he’s not confident enough that he’ll be able to outlast her this time because he's already bored out of his mind without Wilson to mooch off of or use to trigger a breakthrough with their casual flirting banter -

Wilson: thirty minutes into the episode has been sent to so many events that he's only come into work one day since Cuddy started this battle of wills with House a little over a week ago

House: starts getting desperate after a full week goes by without Wilson, and malpractices harder to try and break Cuddy's resolve

- during all this we check in on Wilson having the time of his life traveling, staying in fancy hotels, and catching up on all the newest medical breakthroughs of the past year. This is cut together or split screened with House becoming more and more desperate to break Cuddy’s resolve with crazier and crazier schemes -

Cuddy: threatens to loan Wilson to another hospital for a month if he doesn't start behaving, and even shows House the forms (she found an old form in the bottom of her desk and put Wilson’s name on it, but House doesn’t need to know that)

House: panics and is on his best behavior for the rest of the day. He even signs his real name on his clinic hours instead of a juvenile joke name, and that's when Cuddy knows she's won

- The ducklings figure out something's wrong when House says 'good idea' when Foreman suggests a possible diagnosis for the case they're working on that the audience has definitely forgotten about because there's only been roughly five minutes of the episode where anyone's actually focused on the patient who is actively dying or something equally dramatic and horrible -

- Cue the ducklings doing all sorts of tests and pranks on House because this HAS to be an imposter, who are you and what have you done with our boss because this is either some sort of elaborate prank that House is pulling, or he got hit in the head and the brain damage is making him nice -

- About 90% of the episode is spent with the ducklings spying on House and snooping until Cuddy explains what she did after she realizes nothing's going to get done until they get answers -

Wilson: finally comes back and House goes back to malpracticing normal immediately

- bonus points if it's right after the ducklings get used to this new version of House and their blood pressure returns to a level that none of them have felt since they started working with House, only for it to immediately shoot right back up when Wilson steps foot in the hospital and House returns to normal -

House: now back to his usual antics, is able to save the patient with one of his far fetched ideas because oh yeah they're doctors and we have to pretend like they're actually doing their jobs as serious medical professionals and not just using the ethics guidelines and HIPAA as kindling for the dumpster fire that is the diagnostics department

- House and Wilson then go on a date after work have dinner and drinks together like normal coworkers, and fall asleep cuddling in House's bed watching movies and drinking a few beers on House’s couch (🎶five feet apart cuz they’re not gay🎵) -

Cuddy: is the real winner here because she managed to get House to meet his required amount of clinic hours during this whole scheme, which was the goal in the first place, and doesn’t have to report him to the board and submit him for formal review (she shudders to think how much of the hospitals budget would have to be spent on lawyers if anyone looked too closely at House and his team’s methods)

- Oh and some love song that definitely isn't a metaphor for House and Wilson plays as we zoom out and the credits roll -

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Hi there,

I’m holding on to hope, one day at a time—and today, I’m asking for your support. My family is living through a reality no one should have to face, and I’m doing my best to keep our voices heard.

📌 Please take a second to check out my pinned post.

🔄 Sharing it can help it reach someone who might be able to help.

🤍 If you’re able to give even a little, your generosity could ease a heavy burden.

Your support, your time, your care—it all matters more than you know.

With love and deep appreciation,

@helpjehadddd

.

[aspens-treehouse]

I love talking with neurotypical people about my executive dysfunction because I'm like "yeah there's this invisible wall in my head that I'm incapable of getting past no matter what I do and it stops me from doing things" and they're like what the actual fuck

Meanwhile other neurodivergents are like

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Tumblr faggotposting

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*I go to the podium and stand before a pulpit, in tears*

T-today *sniff* we have gath-thered t-to *sob* m-mourn the demise of my *sob* children (they were only a month old).

Dear *sniff* sideblogs, I may have known you for not very long, b-but *sob* I will miss *sob* y-you with m-my whole heart... *pathetic little wheeze*

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hang on I’m trying to see something

don’t tell me the name of your pet, just tell me in the tags the name you call them that’s got nothing to do with their actual name

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my dnd party has run into an npc who may or may not be evil and may or may not decide to betray us and the dm was in chat today like “just so everyone knows…not addressing this comment at anyone in particular…his favorite colors are red and black…wink” so now i’m desperately trying to get a real physical friendship bracelet done before session tomorrow in the vain hope that i can somehow stop this npc from trying to do a murder on my party

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tagged by @boy-oh-boyflux-bitch thanks!

Last Song: big bad wolf: Lilith max

Favourite colour: dark green, dark blue, black

Currently watching: House MD and Dr who

Spicy/Savoury/Sweet: all of them

Relationship status: taken

Current Obsession: too many to name

I dunno who to @ so aaaa

Nine people i'd like to get to know better:

Tagged by: @bell-of-indecision, thank you so much for tagging me <3

Last Song: Gmfu by Odetari,6arelyhuman

Favourite colour: Dark red, violet, pink

Currently watching: Death note, ep6

Spicy/Savoury/Sweet: Spicy

Relationship status: Single

Current Obsession: Mbti types and cognitive functions.

Tagging: @somin-yin @a-cloud-for-dreams @axepen @hinsaa-paramo-dharma @basic-bitch-alkali @rhysaka @blackknight-100 @squishywizardd @reykalot

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reblog this to remind the person you reblogged it from that theyre loved

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if you're still taking hilson requests, one i frequently think about is everyone else observing house and wilson. watching as their weird friendship turns into something undeniably more ('you two LIVE together??' 'what do you mean you and house had dinner last night?') but both of them are like. ? nuh uh wdym

chase watched as house and wilson walked into the hospital together, arms brushing against each other as house uttered something and wilson titled his head back and laughed. nothing house usually said was funny enough to make any of the team laugh like that, but wilson was beaming as if house was the world’s funniest comedian. shaking his head, chase moved to follow them. “did you two meet in the parking lot or something?” chase asked as he handed over a file to house. the older man took the file and gave chase a withering look. “we carpooled like we do every day. obviously,” house replied. chase froze and watched as house and wilson got in the elevator together and the doors closed in chase’s face. carpooled? how long had house and wilson been carpooling together when they lived on opposite sides of town?

cameron scrubbed her hands over her face, scrubbing the exhaustion from her eyes knowing it was going to be a long night. house was in his office, bouncing his ball against the wall as he pondered their latest case. from the corner of her eye, cameron caught a shadow moving outside the office. a few seconds later, wilson appeared in house’s office and walked towards the older man. house tossed wilson the ball and wilson caught it easily. “we can cancel dinner if you want to stay here? i can get some takeout for us to share instead,” wilson said. cameron watched as house shook his head. “you got the reservation weeks ago, and i’m starving,” house said. wilson snagged house’s cane from the wall and handed it to him. “let’s go then,” wilson said with a soft smile. cameron watched as wilson grabbed house’s jacket and held it out for the older man. a second later, house poked his head into the office. “going out,” house announced, and then the two men were heading out of the office; wilson holding the door open for house. cameron turned her gaze towards chase with a raised eyebrow. “did you see that?” she asked. chase shook his head. “see what?” cameron cast her eyes back towards house’s office. “dinner reservation. wilson holding the door for house. looked like a date to me.”

foreman could’ve sworn he was hearing things. he had to have been. there was no way… right? house was in wilson’s office, tapping his cane on the oncologists desk but not in a harsh way. it was gentle, as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it. “are you sure? i thought i put it in the laundry hamper yesterday morning,” wilson said. “well it wasn’t in the dryer last night and i was cold,” house grumbled. wilson chuckled, shoving the base of the cane off of the desk as he stood up. “i’ll bring one of my other sweatshirts over tonight and you can use that one, alright?” wilson offered. house sighed dramatically and moved towards the door. “it had better be as comfortable as the mcgill one,” he threatened, a hint of fondness in his tone. “it is,” wilson replied. house moved into the hallway, almost bumping into foreman as he did. house whacked him in the shin with his cane. foreman startled. “stop standing there with your mouth hanging open, it’s very unappealing,” house said. foreman darted his gaze towards wilson’s office, then to house, then back to wilson’s office. “are you and wilson… are you living together or something?” foreman asked skeptically. house rolled his eyes. “how else do you think we carpool to work together?” house asked as he walked away.

foreman, chase, and cameron sat in the office with their heads hung low. “they have to be dating, right?” cameron asked. “date nights. sharing clothes. living together. it’s more like they’re married,” chase pointed out. “either it’s new and they’re screwing with us. or it’s old and we’ve all just missed it,” foreman muttered. their conversation broke off quickly when the office door swung open and wilson walked in. “have any of you seen house?” wilson asked, squinting his eyes and glancing through the main office into house’s office, but the older man wasn’t there. “he’s doing an ultrasound on a patient,” foreman supplied. wilson nodded and moved to leave the office. “hey wilson,” chase suddenly said. the oncologist stopped and looked back at the team. “are you and house dating?” chase asked. wilson looked between the ducklings with his eyebrows knitting together before he burst out laughing. “no! why would you even think that?” wilson said, shaking his head and still laughing as he left the office.

cameron cornered house later that day. “are you and wilson dating?” she asked bluntly, not having believed wilson’s answer earlier. it would be just like house to tell wilson to lie about their relationship if asked just to turn it into some kind of guessing game. house stepped around cameron with a scoff. “you’d hate that, wouldn’t you? it would ruin your hopes of us getting together.” cameron jogged to catch up with house. “not true. and that wasn’t an answer, you know,” she pointed out. house opened his office door and stepped inside. “no,” house replied, and closed the door in her face.

“they’re both idiots,” foreman said the next day as house walked in wearing wilson’s gray sweatshirt. “they’re pining and don’t even realize they’re essentially dating,” cameron added. “we’re going to be dealing with this crap forever. someone just tell them to kiss already and get it over with,” chase sighed as he dropped his head down onto the table.

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Bartender: thanks for stopping that bar fight, spiderman. Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house

Peter: thank you, but I can’t

Bartender: why not

Peter:

Bartender:

Peter, trying not to give his age away: I’m pregnant

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Dick fakes a polite charming laugh that all the Batkids have gotten wise to, and they consider it major bragging rights to be able to trip up Dick's façade and get him to break into a bone-chilling hyena cackle, particularly in front of rogues.

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thinking about the clinic patient who kept visiting her ex husband in her sleep and having sex with him. thinking about sexsomnia in the hilson dynamic while they’re living together after julie

if it was house: wilson wouldn’t know, obviously. but he’s nursing a divorce and would assume it’s some kind of cruel joke. he wouldn’t let him in the first time. the second time he would probably get angry, assuming he’s definitely drunk and/or being an asshole on purpose. both times he wouldn’t ask about it in the morning. the third time around, he would let him in. he would think oh well if it’s happened this many times he must be serious. and he would convince himself it’s not gay because it’s just a guy helping out his bro. he’s not sure which way the help goes. regardless, they “have sex”. it’s lazy frotting and grinding, no kissing (house tries, but wilson doesn’t let him), no penetration. further evidence for wilson to suggest to his mind that it wasn’t gay. in the morning he asks about it. and house has no idea what he’s talking about. and now they’re both freaking out because they think something is wrong with one of them, or it’s some elaborate prank. the fourth time, wilson stops him at the door again. he does like a full drug/alcohol check before letting him in. but he lets him in. and wilson bites his neck to make sure it’s real. in the morning, wilson sees house and goes “aha! it is real! look!” and house sees the mark on his neck and is absolutely mortified because he immediately recognizes that he’s been having sleepsomnia episodes. he apologizes softly and leaves the apartment, not even pausing to think that maybe if wilson was letting him in, that meant he actually did want it. now wilson is confused and frustrated. angst ensues.

if it was wilson: house would give him that wide-eyed puppy dog “seriously?” expecting the bone to be yanked away from him. but wilson would sidle into bed with him and nuzzle his nose into house’s neck. he would be sickeningly sweet, kissing his face and touching him gently. house would welcome it, and he would cum in his pants. he wouldn’t mention it EVER. it would just keep happening. eventually house would figure out what was going on. he would start flinching at wilson’s touch during the day. he would lock his door at night. he would cry and shiver and jerk off, thinking about how none of it was really real. and he would try to set wilson up with women so he would stop trying to get into his room. not that he doesn’t want to have sex, but it hurts too much. the realization that they are both using each other and wilson doesn’t even know. and of course the urge to just keep letting it happen tugs at him. and of course he doesn’t shut it down the first couple times. but at some point it becomes too much like living in a dream. he’s so disconnected from waking reality, he can’t let it continue. his mind is too scrambled to think that maybe there’s a reason wilson keeps going to his room. the fact that he is the desired one, not just the subconscious mind’s need for sexual contact, doesn’t even cross his mind. angst ensues.

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"I'm so funny in my head"

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Tim: I'm off the meds, I'm a new person now.

Bruce: they were antibiotics, you don't have a spleen. You're delirious with infection!

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"tim and cass look alike" hc but my spin on it is that gothamites keep thinking Tim is Bruce's daughter and Cass is Bruce's son

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Everything is transgender everybody transgender