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Finding Comfort

There’s something to be said for how we choose our friends in our 20s. Perhaps we went to college or high school with them and the friendship has lasted over the years or maybe it’s just a person we happen to meet by chance while looking for our next great love online. We often spend time poking fun at memes on Facebook, trolling each other in the forums, perusing aisles at Target aimlessly, or having nonsense conversations about things that have no meaning. We relax with these friends for just a little bit. Yet time, responsibility, relationships and family test these friendships. 

In your twenties, you learn how to live on your own and see just how nimble these friendships truly are. While most people’s parents are still alive and for most friends in my circle the most difficult decision that some has to make is one relating to where they should move, which graduate school they should attend or whether to go home with the person they just met 15 minutes ago at Whole Foods, there is no real way to test a friendship as you did in the old world. Friends are not necessarily the people you come crying to if your boyfriend has been mistreating you for fear that they might eventually turn what you’ve told them against you. No, friends are the people that you goof off with but you never quite tell them anything serious that’s been happening with you. That’s for therapists. At least, this is the case with the nimbler of friendships. 

But how do you go about determining who is a true friend? Who is it? What qualities are required? In your twenties, you want to be friends with everyone and you want everyone to like you. If some ingratiates you and treats you like you’re the best thing in the world, they’re a friend, but if they constantly criticize you and bring you down, it’s an enemy. Where is the middle path here? What happened to people being kind to one another or trying bring out the best in each other. With regards the ingratiation, while it is a useful tactic for winning over clients or friends, it’s not really the glue that holds people together. There needs to be something deeper.

What I’m trying to say is that some friendships in your twenties are hinged on superficial things such as your desire to be liked or on conversations about absolutely nothing. If you’re expected confided in therapists while only functioning as someone who ingratiates and is ingratiated, how would you expect to find a true friend at this age?

What makes a true friends? How do you find one?

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Sweet Melodies - On Listening to Music With No Distractions

Today, I discovered the power of music.

I had never been a fan of the Grateful Dead before - the improvisational quality of the music struck me as something that was completely inaccessible and incomprehensible. Today was different - I was affected by Jam Rock music in way that I haven't been in a while. I'm fortunate enough to have access to XM Satellite Radio which enables me to experiment with different genres and artists without having to search on YouTube. With the click of a button, I can find a station that will fit my mood. 

When I listen to a good song, such as the one I have now - "Scarlet Begonias" by the Grateful Dead - I pay special attention to the chord progression. I try to close my eyes and pick apart the different sounds in the song. I am immersed in the moment, I feel present. I meditate over the melody and the harmonies of the different instrumental sounds colliding.

The long day of work and my worries drift away. All that matters in this particular moment is the music I'm listening to.

Sometimes it's hard to listen to music completely - it's usually background noise for the ride home or while you plug data into an Excel spreadsheet. However, I urge to try to listen to a complex song or piece such as a jazz tune, a classical symphony, or a rock song without distracting yourself with anything else. Just sit down, close your eyes, and let sound roll over you... How does that feel?

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Finding Your Happy Place

Entering the real world after college is like bursting the bubble that you were once in. You move past the sandbox and into the bullpen. The environment is less sheltered and your parents no longer pay for all of your expenses. All of a sudden, you bear more responsibility on your shoulders and you can't come crying to your roommates for help. Your boss is demanding, your credit card bill needs to be paid, your boyfriend is complaining that you work too much, and you still need to do the laundry that has piled up over the past two weeks. With so much to do, a gal can definitely get a little bit stressed. How do you detox?

When I feel down and out because of the pressures in my life, I just find my happy place. What is a happy place, you might ask? Your happy place is the special space where you feel content and relaxed. Staying connected can sometimes add extra anxiety so you could try putting down your phone for a few hours to do some yoga or spend some time with your friends. Disconnect for a bit. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel, although I must admit that I don't do this enough.

You could also find ultimate relaxation watching your favorite TV show, reading a book or spending time with friends. Just take a break - your productivity at work will increase. Your brain will be rejuvenated from the time away from your stressors. Just make sure that you don't overdo it.

I try to fit in a couple of hours of me-time a day to stay sane - I go to the gym and often get dinner with a friend. I find that I'm better at handling stress if I put in just 30 minutes of exercise such as jogging, Zumba, or yoga (although yoga also falls under meditation). Exercise and friends are my happy place.

What makes you happy?

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It's almost been a year since the last time I've written... While I could make up some excuse about how I went on a journey that's almost as epic as the one in Eat, Pray, Love or in Lord of the Rings, I have to be absolutely honest with you.

There's no excuse - I just had way too much fun exploring post-college life, Boston, myself, and my passions. I was doing research, so to speak, so that I could fill the pages of this blog to give you some kind of insight into the real world as a young professional who is just starting to figure out the difference between a Tall cup at Starbucks and a Small cup at Dunkin Donuts, a contract and an internship, and love and lust.

As I've transitioned into the working world from the somewhat sheltered college life, I've started to pick up a few tricks that have helped me realize that the real world isn't so scary. It's just a bigger sandbox than the one we had in pre-school where you use real money instead of Monopoly money. Now, you actually need to stand behind what you believe because your mom won't help you.

Here are just a few tips from the experience I've had. As I see it...

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How to Balance Work and Life

These past few days, I have explored the idea of a work-life balance. Starting out in the career world, I find it difficult to balance out my life and create time for things other than work. Working 9-to-5s (we all know how grueling that can be) is no easy task - especially after you realize that the caffeine is no longer kicking in after your third pumpkin latte. So how do the big scary adults have time for work, family, football, and sleep? They're not human. Just kidding, they are. You just have to block out your time. I know, it's back to the days of the File-o-Fax. Separate your free time on weekdays into blocks:

9:00 AM - 5:00 PM: Work

5:00 PM - 6:00ish PM: Drive home

6:00 PM - 6:30 PM: Idle computer time

6:30 PM - 8:30 PM: Chill with the homies

8:30 - 9:30: Lifting weight for the ladies

9:30 - 10:00: Idle computer time

Anyway... You get the picture. If you block out your time, you don't get overwhelmed by the commitments you have after work AND you actually get stuff done! But don't worry, no one said that you can't be a couch potato every once in a while because what's the fun in that?

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First lesson of adulthood: Divide and conquer. Brought to you by my good friend, Anna.

And now for the back-story... Anna's younger sister came to visit us at the end of our senior year in college, so we had to drop her off at the airport on her last day. On the ride back, Anna and I got an insane craving for donuts - the type of craving that makes you come to a screeching accident-causing halt in the middle of the road because you just can't beat it. Needless to say, wehadto pull over at Dunkin Donuts to get a dozen donuts for all of our friends (and, of course, some for ourselves).

Being college seniors, we were also insanely exhausted and wanted to sleep by the time we got back to the suite (it was still too early in the morning to remain awake). So, before going to bed we staked out our doughnut territory. Anna got the jelly doughnut and I got the glazed, naturally. And then we went off into dreamland for a few more hours.

In retrospect, we probably looked like a bunch of idiots because we wrote all over a doughnut box, but it got the job done. We told people what belonged to each of us and which of the doughnuts people could take. Surprisingly, none of our friends messed with our plan. We successfully divided and conquered.

When presented with a task, stake out your boundaries. How far are you willing to go? What are you not comfortable doing? Divide the task into small reachable goals and then proceed to fulfill each of them separately. Conquer.