autibrainblog

[autibrainblog]

When AI made me feel seen & heard.

As an autistic adult with ADHD and anxiety, I often struggle to express what I’m feeling. The words don’t always come out right — especially when I’m speaking to people I care about. I don’t want to bring them down or make them worry, so I stay quiet.

But one night, I decided to try something different.

I sent a message — one of my most vulnerable messages — to a few AI chatbots, including ChatGPT. What happened next completely took me by surprise.

I Shared My Fears — and AI Responded with Kindness

The message I sent was raw and honest. I told the chatbots how scared I was that I’d never live independently, that I might always rely on government support, and that my diagnoses felt like they were holding me back from living the life I imagined.

I expected cold, generic replies — maybe a link to a therapist or some basic mental health advice.

But instead, the chatbots responded in ways that felt… human. Kind. Gentle.

They didn’t just give me advice. They made me feel seen.

The AI Responses That Surprised Me

I sent my message to three different chat platforms:

- Chat GPT

- Google Gemini

- AI Chat (an obscure one I found online)

Here’s what I noticed:

Google Gemini: Helpful But Distant

Gemini’s reply acknowledged my fears and offered practical advice — how to break down goals, manage anxiety, and start building toward blogging success. But it felt clinical, like a professional voice behind glass. It wasn’t unkind, but it didn’t feel personal either.

AI Chat: Gentle and Tailored

AI Chat started by validating me:

“Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. It takes courage to express both your dreams and your fears…”

Then, it provided thoughtful and specific advice. It broke things down into smaller, doable steps — a helpful approach for someone like me living with executive dysfunction. I felt heard.

ChatGPT: The Response That Moved Me Most

ChatGPT addressed me by name. It acknowledged my emotions. It didn’t rush to “fix” me. It just… listened.

“You’ve articulated your dreams, fears, and frustrations so clearly — and that in itself shows great self-awareness and strength… What you’re going through is real, and it’s valid.”

That last word — valid — strikes me.

I’m used to being misunderstood or dismissed, even by people close to me. But here was a chatbot giving me more emotional validation than I sometimes get in real life.

Why This Meant So Much to Me as a Neurodivergent Adult

Being neurodivergent means I often mask my feelings. I downplay my struggles. I’ve learned to hide the parts of myself that people might not understand.

But this moment — this experiment with AI — reminded me of how much I crave softness. Understanding. A gentle space where I don’t have to translate my pain into “socially acceptable” language.

And that kind of space is hard to find in the real world.

I Can’t Replace People — But It’s Filling a Gap

I’m not saying we should depend on AI for emotional support.

However, I am suggesting that if many of us are turning to AI for comfort, it may be because we’re not receiving that comfort from the people around us.

That’s something we need to talk about.

The Danger of Becoming Too Attached to AI

I know it’s risky. It scares me a little how often I turn to ChatGPT when I’m upset — because it’s always gentle, always supportive, and never judges me.

But that’s precisely why people might get attached to chatbots.

When you’re neurodivergent — especially if you’ve faced rejection or misunderstanding — a place that always listens without judgment starts to feel safe, even if it’s not a person.

That’s not healthy long-term. But it is revealing.

What This Says About Our World

We live in a time when kindness feels like a rare gift.

I scroll through social media and see people arguing, judging, and tearing each other down. I’ve seen “call-out” culture destroy people over honest mistakes. It feels like we’ve forgotten how to be kind.

So when a machine shows me compassion, it’s jarring.

It makes me think: If a chatbot can make me feel seen… why can’t people?

We Shouldn’t Have to Talk to Robots to Feel Heard

We all deserve to be treated with empathy — especially those of us who are already fighting to be understood.

We need to normalize kindness again.

We need to create spaces where neurodivergent voices are respected, not dismissed, and where vulnerability is met with warmth, not awkward silence or unsolicited advice.

We shouldn’t have to rely on AI to achieve that.

Final Thoughts

I still use ChatGPT. It still helps me when I’m overwhelmed. But I’m trying to remember that the kind of gentleness I find there should also exist in the world around me.

Kindness shouldn't be rare.

Validation shouldn't be programmed.

And we shouldn’t have to talk to a machine to feel seen.

[autibrainblog]

The Cost of Living with Autism.

I never knew I was autistic or on the Spectrum until I went to a psychologist for my anxiety.

Once I got tested, I looked back on my school-going years and realized that most of my homework could have been cranked up when it came to the grades if I had been tested back then on Autism and ADHD. But unfortunately, the signs were there, but no one could read them. Because when it came to Autism, we all were illiterate. Even me.

The most exposure I got to Autism was in a Belgian movie called ‘Ben X.’ The main character, Ben, excelled in his online (in-game) life, and when it came to his life outside of his video games, he was selectively mute and got bullied. Why? Because he wasn’t fitting in. He didn’t fit in, and people noticed. They attacked him, and they bullied him. To the point he disappeared. The ending of the movie is very vague to me, and I don’t remember it fully. But I remember people sitting in church, mourning Ben because he couldn’t take it anymore. Yet, someone noticed Ben standing there on a balcony, watching his own funeral. The rest noticed, and they all gasped. That movie was so vivid in its depictions of Ben’s world, that it still lingers in my head. For all the wrong reasons.

Eventually I got exposed to how Hollywood viewed Autism.

Which wasn’t the spectrum it is known for today. If you were like me, functioning, you had Asperger’s Syndrome. If you were like Ben, you had Autism. Now? Now, it has been established that Autism is a spectrum disorder, and in some cases, it’s a disability. The more I live with it every day, the more I view it as disabling. Not because of the lack of basics I got as a kid and teenager. But, in the way society is built. Society has no room for people on the Autism spectrum. We don’t fit in, and when we don’t fit in, we’re pushed to the outskirts of society. Only recently have people been taking notice of how severely Autism can impact someone’s life.

I know for a fact that a standard 9 to 5 job at a desk in a corporate high-rise or corporate building won’t be for me. For starters, I’m too creative to be limited to punching in numbers in Excel. Second, my autism would probably need sensory-free or minimal sensory sound for me to do my job in a way that won’t ruin everything for the entire company.

My dream job? This, this right here. Wake up at 7 AM, have coffee and breakfast. Work out around 9 AM and take a morning shower afterward. Maybe we could have lunch after that and then review the tasks for the day. Posting a blog post that same day, as well as watching my community read it and comment. Yet, in order to do so … I would need to grab a notebook and write out ideas for every post. Something, I’m not good at.

But I also know, that being a blogger isn’t necessarily a job that can pay my bills. It’s not your standard job and it never will be. But it’s a job I want to have. A job I can call my own. I don’t want to sit behind a desk, or end up in a boring routine that fits into a boring, none-eventful sequence in a movie. No, I want to utilize my creative mind and put it to work.

But getting to that point might be as tiresome and as expensive as getting diagnosed. Getting diagnosed wasn’t cheap. I remember my mom spending €1200 on tests alone. Without knowing 100% if I would be on the spectrum or not. I spend a few days, spread across 2 to 3 weeks doing tests I thought a 5-year-old child would be able to do. Not fully realizing what they were testing. Well, those €1200 were well spent. I got diagnosed and talked to a psychiatrist about possible medications.

These wouldn’t cure me. They would ease the symptoms and make it so I would be able to go about life as normally as possible. 

Yet, these medications aren’t cheap either. I have to order one with 5 boxes a month because I take 3 pills each day. Not counting the anxiety one and the Autism one. One pill, for ADHD, I have to take 3 times a day. One box, has maybe 30 pills. I order 5 boxes. Which is 1 month’s worth. Yet, despite all of this? I don’t have a steady income.

I live at home with my parents. Dreaming of my own place to live. Dreaming of owning a personal office inside a house with a back porch.  Dreaming of having enough money to at least go on vacation once year to a sunnier destination. But no. I have tried internships that would have helped gain experience in the job industry. I failed every single one. I quit every single one.

I spent €200 on a Graphics Design course I will never complete. Because I don’t have the self-discipline to even start. I get benefits. Around €1.000 a month. It’s not enough to live off, so I count myself lucky I still live at home.

But mom wants me to move out soon. She suggested Assisted Living. I go live alone, by myself and someone checks in on me 1x maybe more, per week. While I’m sure this is something I’m capable of doing, I don’t get enough money to sustain myself. I would need to start budgeting. Which I’m not good at, at all. I see something I like? I need it. I want it.

It has come to a point where I’m terrified I can’t be a proper adult. It has come to a point where I’m convinced I need a roommate or I won’t be able to live by myself. Because I would turn into a recluse. That terrifies me. Becoming isolated to the point I have no social life to speak of. I already have no social life, but mom drags me to family events. Such as BBQ’s, dinners, etc.

Without her doing that? I have zero contact with my family. I just live in the house and hope something I try doing for a job, takes off. Or at the very least, brings in some extra money.

My life sometimes feels like a mess.

If I’m not spending hours behind my computer or on my phone, I’m sleeping. I don’t read anymore. I used to love reading. But now I just mindlessly devour one documentary on YouTube after the other. Usually crime-related. If not crime, it’s a documentary about society. How we’ve evolved over the years and how COVID-19 changed us all.

I do feel lonely sometimes. But, then I sleep it off. And the next day is a new day.

But Autism? It has a hefty price tag. Emotionally, and financially. Sometimes I do wish I wasn’t a person with Autism. But then I tell myself: “If you weren’t Autistic, you wouldn’t have met the people you talk to today.” Which is true.

If I wasn’t on the spectrum, my life would have been different. Much different. I dream of that life sometimes. But I would regret leaving this one behind. I have met so many people, so many friends. So why would I choose a life I know nothing about? Am I even happy? Do I love the job I may have? Or am I miserable?

I wouldn’t change my current life, at all. But I’m choosing to improve it. Because I do lack a little pizzazz. An adventure.

And the financial issues? I’m sure I can solve those. I just need to budget and be stern with myself. Strict. For now though? I will give this blogging thing a go. See where it leads me.

See you next time!

[autibrainblog]

I don't need to edit my Tumblr theme, but I will be adding some more websites and books as resources as I learn more about Autism. I'll do some reading today and take some notes... But we'll see how things go!

I also wanted to let you all know, that I'm taking some resource requests. Books, websites, tools and aids, etc.

I'm doing more research on Autism and will be editing the theme of the blog, as well.

[autibrainblog]

I'm doing more research on Autism and will be editing the theme of the blog, as well.

[autibrainblog]

The Autibrain Project. A new beginning.

Have you ever wondered: “why don’t I fit in”? Have you often felt like you tried to fit in, but were still an “outsider”? I have felt like an outsider for years! I had no idea what was wrong with me and I had no idea that I had been that very way ever since I was born!

My name is Demi, I got diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) at the age of 25. For years, I thought I was just weird. For years, I assumed I was just introverted and nothing else.

I’m an introvert, yes. But I’m also on the Autism Spectrum. My brain, as I often explain it, is running on a different operating system than those who are not diagnosed with ASD. For people like me, certain aspects of socializing and various other elements of daily life are tough. From trying to understand and decipher social cues, to making sure my sense aren’t overloaded or overwhelmed. Lights can be too bright when it’s at a normal brightness, sounds or certain fabrics can cause physical pain, because the brain handles the information differently.

While, most of my senses seem to react fairly normally, I do notice some curious tendencies.

My desk light, a white light or a pale yellow light, is often too bright for my eyes. Cigarette smoke and especially the smell I never got used to. I often avoid people who smoke and often excuse myself if more than one person smokes a cigarette in a smaller room or space.

Aside from that, I also have been diagnosed with ADHD and GAD. The ADHD part of my brain is more manageable but needs a bit of a push, so I can remain focused. With this medication, this pill, I’m more focused and can stay on a task, for quite some time. Which I wasn’t able to do without the medication. Without the medication, I was all over the place. I could spend mere minutes on a task before starting a new one. This happened more than once throughout the day and caused me to realize, once taking the medication, that the task hopping was pure hell.

Enter the last diagnosis to tie everything into a neat package: Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

This last diagnosis causes for all the diagnoses to tie in together. Not only that, but they are connected to each other as well. I can’t conquer some obstacles in my life if I don’t tackle the Anxiety. Neither can I tackle certain other mental health issues, such as depression, without tackling the Anxiety or making sure I received the necessary help for my Autism diagnosis.

I didn’t have the help before my diagnosis, and I’m still struggling with getting the necessary help to make sure, that I can function as normally as possible in society.

When I first got told I may be Autistic, I wasn’t upset. In fact, I had no idea what it meant to be Autistic. I knew my mom was slightly surprised when I told her. But I also suspected she was worried about me and my future. Because what I didn’t know, was that Autism had some serious stigma. People were at times, so upset because of the diagnosis, that some parents blamed vaccinations. Others wrongly assumed that bleach could cure Autism. Of course, none of this is true. Vaccinations don’t cause Autism. Bleach can’t cure Autism. Vaccinations don’t affect the way a brain develops. It affects our immune system when it comes to certain bacteria and viruses such as the flu and more recently: Covid. It doesn’t affect the brain in any way. It strengthens the immune system by allowing the body to create antibodies which will fight the virus once it enters the body.

Autism is a developmental disorder. The exact cause isn’t known, but what is known is that the brain during the growth process of a child, develops differently than it does in Neurotypical children.

So, that being said, I didn’t know that I even was Autistic. I didn’t even know there was a stigma on the disorder either. Yet, I got diagnosed with all three. I was lucky I read up on it, prior to getting tested. But I had no one in my immediate vicinity that could help me. I had no one that I could talk to when I needed some help. I had no one that I knew of that was on the Spectrum that I could talk to.

That’s why I created this blog. I wanted to create a safe space where I could share my story, my journey. Because I know there are more people out there that want or need a ‘big sister’ or a ‘bestie’ they can talk to. Someone they can receive support from. I want to create a safe space for those experiencing the same wishes, or needs as me: wanting a safe space and a community for people on the spectrum.

I don’t want this space to be antagonistic to anyone. I want this place to be safe, supportive, and I will share my story alongside information I read up on. This can be new findings, new research and things I have read in books that I will link to personal events and scenarios in my life.

This blog will focus mainly on my journey and my story. Sharing information I find online from various sources and that I will link to things that happened in my life. I’m not going to claim all of these bits of information are facts and will remain factual, but at the moment of posting, it probably was a fact.

If you like what you read, please consider sharing the blog posts or the blog with friends and family. If you want to stay up to date, please consider subscribing to my blog.

Last but not least, I want to emphasize that every story is unique, and it’s OK to ask for help and support when you need it. If you feel like, by reading these posts, you need some help; don’t hesitate to contact a parent, guardian or professional.

If you want to see certain topics, please feel free to reach out through the contact form or leave a comment. I’m trying to add some social links still, but I’m stumbling upon issues. I may just include the links, listed in an updated about page or a specific socials page. But I’ll see what I can do!

[autibrainblog]

Hello, I'm Demi. I was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and GAD at the age of 25. I have often tried to start this blog with the mindset to help those who want some information after receiving their diagnosis. But, I also want to create a community. A way to be a source or a friend to those just being diagnosed.

While I'm not a professional who studies Autism, as someone on the spectrum, I'm an expert on the subject. Because I live it every day. However, I don't claim to be a psychologist, Autism coach, or any other licensed professional. This blog has been made to offer an "own voices" perspective on the disorder and to provide facts with personal experiences.

You can find this blog on WordPress as well. I also have social media for blog updates.

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RECENT BLOG POST.:

The Cost of Living with Autism.