avalindin

[avalindin]

It was a bounty hunter, I swear...

Tom Hiddleston fic

Ch. 9: Scream my lungs out

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Kali couldn’t cry. Her eyes already stung from the hospital the day and a half before. She’d made a promise. Soon she would be at it again but when she would close her eyes, she would have the memories of being friends with Mina to keep her moving forward.

“Obi?”

Kali tried not to force a smile as her mother set her hand on her shoulder.

“Sorry, mom. Just tired.”

“I know, baby. Gonna get a nap while we set up our things?”

“I’m not sure how deep a sleep I may be in.”

“I’ll send in Demi instead. Manny just got home from Ibiza. She could sneak in if you want.”

A small huff of laughter was heard for a second, but Peggy saw the fast blur of her baby girl rush from the car and around the side of the house. She brushed the gray hair over her ear and tried not to look in the rearview mirror. Instead, she looked over her shoulder with a heavy and hurting heart to the crinkled mailing envelope that Mina was too weak to close just days before. Kali wouldn’t be ready for it, but she also made a promise.

Kali made sure the door was closed as she kicked off her flats and tumbled to her old mattress. Her fatigue guided her eyes to shut on their own. She reached under her bed for the small worn Yoda doll that had been hers for so many years. Her nose pressed into the top of the fake green wrinkles. She remembered before her, the doll wasn’t just Donovan’s, it was also Mina’s, gifted to him as a result of a puppy love crush.

“Hey!”

Kali dreamt of the first time that she saw Mina.

She had been so mesmerized at the boys’ VHS collection on the large screen in front of her, that she didn’t see the loud child dressed in bold colors. The silence of the new girl’s sandals had stopped once she quit chasing Donovan around the house and focused her attention on Kali. She wasn’t ready for the new child to rush to Kali’s side and size her up and down.

She got back up to her feet and held out her hand to Kali.

“I’m Mina.”

She slowly took Mina’s hand and her help to get to her feet.

“Kali,” she mumbled into the doll.

“You don’t talk much,” she exclaimed, almost scaring Kali, “Just stick with me and we can fix that.”

“Glad you did,” sighed Kali.

Sleep slowly took her before she could feel her held back tears roll to the pillows.

-

He bit the edge of his nail as the wheels rolled on. He hadn’t been in Texas since the last time he’d ran from Kali. There was a bit of him that wanted to see her again but with how he left things with her, the only thing he wanted to do was pay his respects and leave. There was some struggle to whether they were his respects to pay or not. He’d meet Mina only twice. Once in San Diego during their stay at the Con and once when Tom made a surprise pit stop in Austin to whisk Kali away for a romantic weekend, right before everything went to shit.

“Oh...”

Tom smiled and had hurried to press his finger to his lips. He even leaned against the doorway.

“Your fine ass can be my delivery boy anytime you want.”

“Mina! Don’t fuck this one either! We can’t keep finding...”

Kali had stopped in front of Tom, waiting just for her.

“Welp,” shrugged Nina as she stepped back from the door, “You know the drill.”

She gave Kali a mighty shove into the hallway and slammed the door behind them. He smiled to her boldness and wished he could have known her better.

His long fingers wrapped around the flowers as his car pulled up to the steps of the church. It wasn’t until he got out of the car when he saw a few people descend the church steps to their cars. Some looked his way, but none gave him any bother.

“Excuse me,” he softly butted to the closest people, “Is it still going on?”

“No. We decided to cut it early. Her ashes are going to the after-wake and then home with us. Hope you brought food.”

His heart broke as he looked into the ordinary eyes of Mina’s parents. He lifted his hand with the flowers towards them.

“I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through.”

“You knew Mina?”

“Only through Kali.”

Both looked at Tom and turned to leave void the flowers.

“Thank you but we know who you are.”

He was left on the steps with no cab in sight and not a clue of what to do next.

“Shit.”

-

His hand shook as he prayed for the strength to not lose his mind. He straightened his BDUs and slowly made his way up the cracked pathway. If the door hadn’t already been propped open, he wouldn’t have been able to go inside. Once his boots passed the threshold, he pulled the cover from his shaved head and set out to find his mother. Peggy pulled a tray of food from the oven and set them to cool on the counter. Her smile shown on the younger woman with warm olive skin and newly platinum blonde hair pulled up over her aid.

“Girls, just give these ten minutes to settle then dig in. Manny, fish, don’t hurt yourself.”

“Yes, Mama Tigger!”

“What about the guys?”

Peggy turned with enough force to twirl her dress in excitement.

“My Baby!”

She opened her arms to Donovan. He’d still grown a bit since the last time he’d been home.

“Hi, momma. Where’s everyone else?”

“Demi had to work but he’s on his way home. Kali is sleeping the funeral off.”

“In her room? Is she holding up?”

“Yeah, go out the back and use the side door.”

He kissed her brow and left with a few snacks in his hand to devour. He was careful to not step on his mother’s flowers as he stopped at the door of his nana’s old room. He still wasn’t used to it all. The knob turned with ease and his large hand pushed the door in. He saw his sister stir, making his hurry to stop the blaring sunlight from disturbing her room.

Kali could hear the door behind her. The quiet sounds of the grieving party outside her first door made her want to shove earbuds in her ears.

“Fuck,” she sighed as she clutched her Yoda closer.

“Terrible language, Ma’am. Now where the fuck did you learn that?”

She quickly turned and smiled as she rushed form her bed and into her brother’s arms. Donovan tried everything in his power to not cry but she was faster to wipe them away.

“I don’t… When did you get back?!”

“Today but I have to go back day after tomorrow. So, you got Nana’s old room, huh?”

“Uh, yeah,” she shrugged as she returned to the side of her bed, “It’s not much but...”

“I know.”

What was in the past was in the past and she liked it that way.

“So, did you get my package?”

“What package?”

“I mailed it to mom after last week. I thought she would have given it to you before I got here. There.”

He pulled something from the floor. He handed her a thick mailing envelope from the pile of mail that she never opened. She could feel the enamel in her back teeth clench when she saw Mina’s writing on the front.

“Fucking ass had me mail this without looking. Of course, she would make me work for her last words.”

Donovan took a seat next to his baby sister. Kali forced herself to exhale and reach for the seal. She ripped it open and pulled out a golden box along with a weak piece of paper.

“This was for the first one but yours will always be one with the Force, just like you.”

Donovan took the paper from Kali and gave a soft chuckle.

“You’d think her last words would be a little more wise-ass.”

“She always writes on the back.”

“How… Kal, I can’t read this out loud.”

“Got milk? Stupid cow.”

Donovan could feel his heart break as he saw Kali smile at the paper.

“What is it?”

Kali went back to the small golden box. Her fingers went for the small screw in the back. It turned until she couldn’t anymore. She wasn’t ready for the gentle lullaby notes of the Imperial March, so soft and mesmerizing as the turning dented wheel plucked against the small metal forks hidden inside. They were both quiet until Donavon cleared his throat.

“You need to take it back.”

“I know.”

Kali reached under her pillow for the small black box and slid it into her brother’s large palm. He flipped the ring box in his fingers and sighed.

“I really was going to marry her.”

“I know.”

“I would have been okay with an open marriage.”

“I don’t think you would have.”

“I would have done anything to make her happy.”

“You always did but she knew that ring was never for her.”

“Thanks, Nicholas Sparks.”

“You’re welcome, Muggle. We should get out there.”

Kali didn’t realize how hard she was staring at the until the flood of sunlight made her wince.

“Need a hand?”

“I’ll be fine. Can I get a minute?”

“Sure. See ya ‘round.”

Kali waited until the shuffle of his combat boots were around the bend. Her thumb pushed open the music box, but it wasn’t Mina’s gift. She gently pulled open the top of the inside for the piece of paper she guessed was waiting for her.

Her hands were shaking badly as she tried not to rip the last bit of confidence Mina always gave her.

Hey, bitch.

Sorry for the change in calligraphy but I need to do this quick before the other bitch comes back. First, I fucking love you. I was meant to be a part of your family no matter what. Kiss everyone for me, expect Donny. I’ll have something special for him when I see him again.  

Fuck my parents. If they have too, they’ll hurt you one more time. You were always so strong, little mouse but shit’s going south, and I may as well give you bad advice while I’m still here.  

This is about you know who. Wink, wink.

It will hurt but forgive him. We’re all scared. I was too. We do fuck up things when we’re scared, even if you never see that fine ass again.  

I’ll be waiting for you. Bring alcohol.

There was no reason to read it a second time. She folded it back to perfection and hid it back in the music box. When she got a moment, she would make sure she framed it in her memory. Kali got to her feet and straightened herself the best way she knew how. It was on her now to keep herself going with Mina still in her heart. She pushed her feet into her flats and out the side door.

“Might as well get this done with,” she shrugged.

Everything was quiet but heightened. The shuffle of feet, mainly towards the chairs where Mina’s parents were seated. They hadn’t always seen things eye to eye with the way she was brought up. While Kali was raised by a loving Peggy, Mina’s upbringing was a bit on the conservative side. They weren’t bad people, but they could have morally been better in supporting their only child’s decisions. Mostly, they blamed Kali or rather Peggy for their daughter’s downward spiral to Hell. Kali always laughed when those words came out of Mina’s mouth. She did what she could to move about the party and serve the guests without making absolute contact until Manny snatched the tray from her hands.

“Cock up, woman,” she signed, “Go on.”

It hurt her to move herself forward and stop in front of them. Really, she hadn’t thought of what would happen at this point. A slap across the face, a righteous rant about the unholiness that had become their daughter, or any number of things that had always gone through her head. The only thing she regretted was having a stomach full of delicious food as her nerves tried to poke her in the side.

“Things are starting to quiet down if you want to leave.”

Something simple where everyone would win. All would grieve in their own ways and Kali would make sure nothing smartass slipped out until they were gone for good. Mina’s mother was the first to react, just not in the way she expected. First, there was a smile. Then, she slowly got to her feet, smoothed out her skirt, and wrapped her arms around Kali. She was frozen in that moment, cautious in case of anything unexpected. Manny was within distance and ready for a fight. She gave a small enough hug back for it to count but her feelings for Mina’s mother made her feel worse.

Peggy stepped away from the kitchen for a moment. The pain in her chest for Mina grew worse. She sat on the back porch steps. Her aging fingers pulled the cigarette from her apron. It had been a long while since she’d given them up and now, she just wanted to get through the day. She put the nasty thing between her lips.

“What am I going to do Momma?”

Her mother had died the month before in her sleep. Kali miscarried early the month before that. She lit the end and inhaled the bitter smoke, feeling something else amiss. Each pull calmed her a little bit until she could hear raising voices from the house. She dropped the butt on the start of the driveway and hurried herself around the side of the house. She reached for Kali’s side bedroom door until a tall bit of movement got her attention. She craned her neck to the person she hoped to Hell she would never see.

“Son of a bitch.”

She locked eyes with Tom.

“Shit,” he whispered under his breath.

Kali ignored the voices from the kitchen.

“Our girl meant the world to us and her journey, God’s plan for her needed you in her path.”

Still cautious. She wasn’t sure if Mina’s parents would make a scene.

“I… don’t know how to answer that.”

Most everyone was preparing to go home with a few drunk stragglers waiting on Ubers and what family was left eating in the kitchen. Her skin felt like it was shrinking as her mother pulled away. Something was coming since Mina’s father was silent as he always was in her presence.

“We have something for you. One last bit of Mina.”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a silver chained necklace with a small black heart hanging down.

“Thank you.”

“I know it’s a bit much, but we put some of her ashes in there for you to have. You were a sister to her.”

“What?”

She kept as much surprise in as she could bear. Past that, she was more than happy to put aside her slight distain for them, for Mina’s sake.

“Now you’ll always a bit of her to taint.”

“Motherfucker.”

As soon as she closed her mouth, the bits of the house that were in an ear shot went silent as Mina’s father got to his feet, sporting the bible Mina would detest.

“God took her away because of you.”

It was good while it lasted.

“Get out. Just go. You have a right to grieve but just go pray rude behind my back like a normal person.”

Her hand clutched the chain tighter. It began to hurt. Voices quickly rose, including her own. Soon the words blended together, and faces grew red. Kali tucked the neckline into her dress so that it wouldn’t fly around the room at the rate her hand angrily tried to permanently show them the way out of her mother’s house.

When Mina’s mother refused to take another step, Kali tried to turn her to the exit. This caused her father to pull her hand away. Donovan and Manny took notice. Manny was out of the kitchen at once and set her sights on Mina’s father, wanting very badly to break his wrist on the way out the door. Donovan was able to pull her back a fraction and heavily insistent that they leave.

“Of course, we would expect this from you,” cried the mother.

“Would you like me to let my sister on her feet to you, because, believe me, I will.”

Demi stepped through the door with his scrubs still on, looking into what he had missed. Manny was tucked under Donovan’s arm, ready to fuck anyone up in a moment’s notice. Kali had tears streaming down her face.

“Just get out or I will fucking kill you myself!”

They turned on their heel without another breath. Their backs were to the car, slowly testing Kali’s building rage. Her hand grabbed Manny’s old field hockey stick.

“What the Hell are you waiting for?! For Mina to come back?”

She was out the door with Demi trying to hold her rage back without getting clocked with the wood.

“Please just go,” he begged.

“Mina was my fucking family! You couldn’t just love her as she was!”

There was a moment where Demi didn’t step with Kali and she paced towards them. Mina’s parents ran for the safety of their car. Peggy turned from Tom’s stare to the pure grieving hell the had become her daughter. The engine roared and the tires furiously sent the car back out of the driveway. Tom saw as Kali ran past him.

Her eyes filled with tears and she wasn’t sure what she saw. She sure as hell heard the Prius that ran over her mother’s mailbox as it fled from the neighborhood. Kali tried to control her breath. She turned back to Tom as he stood completely still. He knew he would be in a world of hurt but he knew it was where he wanted to be. Kali wasn’t sure of what to say but was pulled back from her speechlessness when Manny tackled Tom ruthlessly from his feet.

Tom saw how beautiful Kali still was. He could feel the breath leave him. Then, he could feel all the breath knocked out of him as a woman small than Kali nearly knock him out.

“Manny! No!”

“Jesus Christ,” screamed Tom as he tried to shield his face form her raining fists.

“Donovan! Get her off him now!”

“Fuck that! She fucking bit me!”

Kali grabbed what she could and jerked her sister away until she set her sights on Don.

“What the hell was that for?!”

Peggy was out of breath trying to separate her children. She saw a few people on their street peeking through their curtains and she didn’t need the cops called again on a small disturbance. She did raise fighters. What she didn’t expect was Tom helping to stop the fighting. That and Demi making a dive for Tom.

“Manwhore!”

“Good dammit!”

Peggy stepped back and tried to catch her breath.

“Knock it off,” she gasped.

Something was wrong and it wasn’t from the cigarette. It was too soon.

More guests from the kitchen either watched from the front porch or failed at helping stop the fighting in the front yard. When she got a breath, Kali held up her hand to her sister.

“I said I got this,” she turned her head to Tom, “You need to leave. Now.”

“Mom?”

Manny’s voice had changed quickly to the point on concern. All eyes turned to Peggy on the ground and clutching her chest.

Kali was terrified at the silence.

-

She remembered how Kali looked when she was in the hospital. She was so pale. She could feel herself asleep. Her chest was going to cave in. She knew the feeling.

“I’m so sorry, Midge.”

She could feel the tears streaming down her face. The doctor and the nurses couldn’t know what she had been through. Third birth, third baby to join her husband. She tried to hold herself, but she felt she deserved a few tears. Her fingers wanted to hold more than his tiny hand.

“Can I at least hold him? Please?”

With the nod of his head, the doctor stepped aside and unhooked her baby as quickly and carefully as they could. Once all the medicine and the plastic was free, the last bit of the baby was given to her. She steadied her breath. She had gotten skilled in being able to silently grieve.

“You are just so beautiful,” she whispered.

Her face was a mess, but she didn’t wish to waste a moment. Nothing could be missed in the last breaths her little boy had.

“You would have had so much fun, Jonah. I’m sure of it.”

She wanted to sing, to kiss him, but everything was too much. Her eyes burned into her love. She asked the staff not to tell her how much time went by; she couldn’t accept it. She held him a little while longer, even after he stopped breathing.

“Ms. Dawson.”

“You have to take him from me. Now.”

She understood the importance of her choice. Another baby would have the chance Jonah never would. She fought her voice. Her arms trembled as a nurse stepped forward and lifted the baby from Peggy’s arms. Through her tears, she watched her baby carried away to the next life and out of hers. All she wanted to do was die.

She wanted to stop breathing and let it all go.

“You can see her now.”

Kali and Manny were the first on their feet. Kali stopped for a second and looked back to Tom’s bruised face.

“Go,” he softly smiled, “I’ll watch your things.”

She didn’t wait for him to finish. He stayed where he was and looked to Donovan and Demi. He knew to keep his mouth shut. Donovan had a small, single scratch on his cheek. Demi wasn’t so lucky. His wrist was wrapped in a bandage and brace from trying to pummel Tom.

“Why are you here?”

“Dem. Not now.”

“No. Fuck your moral code of conduct, Army Bitch. I have a right to know.”

“Because I fucked up twice and when Peggy told me that Mina was gone, I thought Kali might want someone in the wake of losing her soulmate. If you want to beat me into the ground, guess what? Get in line, but for right now, can we set this aside until we know that another person in her life is okay?!”

He stopped and made sure he didn’t draw unwanted attention to themselves.

They were silent.

“I can do that,” sighed Demi, “Fucking Dummy.”

“Girls, chill out.”

She hated seeing her kids worried.

“You had a heart attack!”

“And you have school in the morning. I’m fine now.”

She always chose her words carefully. Manny tried not to meet her mother’s eyes.

“Hey!”

Peggy snapped her fingers. Kali knew why. Manny tucked her hair over her ear; the aid was somewhere dropped and hopefully together on the front lawn. She caught Peggy’s hands.

“Go home. Take some food with you and go back to school. If you don’t maintain that GPA, you’ll have to reapply.”

Peggy made sure Manny saw her hands as she signed. Manny shook her head. She stepped forward and hugged her around the tubes in her arms. Peggy held on for as long as she could.

“Hey,” she snapped her fingers again, “What do we do? Tell me. Both of you.”

“Calm your tits. Tits out. Out the door.”

Manny tried not to laugh.

“That’s my girl. Go on. I’m taken care of.”

Peggy let her hand go and watched her most adventurous child stop in front of Kali.

I’m sorry about your ass’s face, she signed.

“Don’t worry,” she signed back, “It’s an improvement.”

Manny vanished around the corner, leaving Kali with their mother.

“So. I’m sorry?”

“Why? What did you do?”

“It’s my fault he’s here.”

“Mom!”

“Wine was involved, and I forgot with all the commotion.”

“Unlike the scene on the front lawn? God damn it all, Margret!”

Kali huffed her breath and moved into the bed with her. Peggy giggled as she tried her best to comfort her little girl.

“I thought you might want a happy face.”

“Fuck you,” she pouted.

Tom’s eyes wandered. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself. Manny snatched her purse from the seat next him, ignoring he was even there.

Hey, I’m going back to get my stuff. I’ll be back in a week for break. Dibs on the chicken salad.

“Fine. How’s mama?”

She wants to see everyone, her eyes finally burned into Tom, including you, stale tea.

“Fine,” he signed, “I deserved that.”

She stuck up her middle finger and left them behind. Donovan grabbed the cover on the seat next to him.

“Let’s go, Green Bean,” he nodded to Tom, “Mama’s orders.”

Peggy smiled at the small group entering her room.

“My boys,” she smiled.

Kali moved from the bed and into the nearest chair before it was taken. Tom stayed on the other side of the room.

“Where do you fucking think you’re going?”

Demi and Donovan stepped back as Peggy held her arm open to Tom.

“Well, I…”

“Now, young man.”

He wasn’t sure why, but he felt he was the reason she was in the hospital bed to begin with. He balanced himself over the bed and gave Peggy the hug she wanted.

“I’m sorry about this.”

She let go and let Tom slink back to the couch on the farthest wall. Time passed and Peggy hated to let her children go. She tried hard to put on a brave face, even with pain in her chest. Demi left to get his wrist checked out and Donovan left to go clean the house. Only Kali and Tom stayed behind. At one point Tom woke with Kali under his arm. The room was completely dark with the exception of the nurse’s station.

1:30am

He turned off his phone, glad that his story of a sick family member gave him the privacy of finding Kali again. It all felt like a dream. Soon it would all end again.

“You act like she’s going to bite.”

Tom looked to Peggy trying to sit up in the bed. He slipped away from Kali and pressed the right buttons at the start of the bed to make her more comfortable.

“Thank you,” she sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

Peggy pushed on her tortoise shell glasses to see the fade of shame in his face. She patted the side of her bed for him to sit. He obeyed. Peggy could feel the strength in her hand weaken. No matter what happened, she knew she would fine. If only she really meant it.

“If you are sorry, then you need to meant it, Thomas. I’m still furious but life is short Tom. Stop being a pussy and talk with Kali. Get closure. Understand?”

“I understand.”

“Oh, honey,” she wheezed, “Just look after her.”

“I promise.”

Kali woke, seeing Peggy reach up and embrace Tom. It was strange to see her mother so forgiving after all she’d been through. She quietly slipped out of the room. She took a few steps down the hall, letting her mind wander. She had held on to her anger for so long after Tom had left but she thought that maybe if it was for the best. She did love Tom, but the pregnancy had been such a surprise, even with the fight, it was all too soon for them. Kali wanted what she had in the beginning with

Tom, a beautiful raw downward spiral. Things were different now.

Tom looked over to the couch, seeing Kali gone.

“Go,” Peggy whispered, “Don’t leave her alone.”

“Please try and get some rest.”

She only gave a soft smile as she had for years. The second Tom was gone, there was a loud beep on the screen above her head. She quickly removed the monitor from her finger before any nurses took notice. She would be fine. The pain returned and all she had to do was close her eyes and breathe. It wasn’t the best way, but everyone would be fine in time. They’d have to be. Nurses were busy with a rowdy patient across the way and they wouldn’t be back for her vitals in another hour or so.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

She was so tired, and she didn’t want to sleep anymore. Her feet shuffled as she tried to keep her head up. Her mind was unsettled but she knew she was helping. She stopped at the door of the small room. The cries from the crib broke her heart.

“Ms. Dawson?”

“Where’s the family?”

“They left without him.”

“What?”

“They were considering adoption until I came back with the paperwork. That was half an hour ago.”

“My God.”

Peggy rushed into the room as quick as her muscles could allow her. She reached into the crib and held the little baby. It calmed in no time, leaving a smile to Peggy and the nurses face. The baby responded wonderfully to her touch.

“That’s much better now, isn’t it?”

The baby fell asleep quickly, easing her as she was led back to her room with her new guest.

“Will anyone be back for him?”

“Child services is on the way now.”

“If I need to talk to the doctor, I understand but I’d like to take him.”

“Are you sure?”

Peggy sat on her bed. Her heart was filled with sorrow of her loss but slowly filling as the beautiful little boy slept soundly in her arms.

“Maybe all this happens for a reason.”

The nurse eased her hand on Peggy’s shoulder.

“He will be so happy.”

The nurse left them alone and Peggy did what she could to ready herself before the proper people found her. Her heart exploded when she was granted custody.

“Name?”

She signed the last of the papers and meet the deep brown eyes that found her.

“Donovan. After my late husband.”

“Kali?”

Kali rubbed her arms, cold from the hospital air. Tom removed his dress coat and placed it around her arms.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“I-I didn’t want to shout at 1 in the morning.”

“That’s probably wise. There’s some chairs around the corner.”

“You’ve been here before?”

“I work here janitorially.”

They sat by themselves, next to each other. Kali leaned against Tom as his arm drifted around her. It wouldn’t have been a great idea with eye contact. He fought himself to pull closer, pull her to his lap, to just hold her again. He would have to be fine with just that. She laced her fingers with his. His nose turned into her hair and smelled her. His heart was sore. The silence was needed.

“How did she go?”

He wasn’t given any details.

“She had a lot of headaches the past year. She’d been laid-off from her last job and she didn’t have the proper health insurance. Then there was a major nosebleed two weeks ago. It still seems so far away now. Mom took her to the ER, and she had a big clot in her brain.”

“Aneurysm?”

“It all happened so quickly. Even if she did have the means for having surgery, it wouldn’t have been enough. She was so full of life one day and then she was seizing and coding the next. Then, after two days, she made herself DNR. I couldn’t leave her.”

She sighed. She was so tired from all the tears. Tom kissed her hair. Kali knew what she wanted to say.

“I still love you, Tom. I was mad the after the fight and even worse when you left without saying goodbye, but I think it all was supposed to happen.”

“I know.”

He hated to agree.

“Mina did trust your character even if it did have shit moments. I’m willing to start over if you are but I need more time away from you.”

“I can live with that.”

Kali’s face slowly grew into a smile. Her eyelids slowly closed as she turned her face into Tom’s chest. He slowly reclined back in the uncomfortable chair ready for sleep to take him.

“Code Blue. Unit IMC.”

Tom and Kali both jumped at the sound of the intercom above their heads.

“The fuck?”

Kali rolled from the seat and watched the nurses rush down her mother’s side of the hall.

“No.”

Tom followed and was close behind once her eyes widened around the corner. They set off in a sprint to the rush filing into her mother’s room. Kali was frozen. Her mother disappeared in a sea of nurses racing to revive Peggy. Tom pulled her to the side from wheeling equipment. All she could do was hold Tom’s dress coat in her hands and ring the life from them as she watched her loving mother leave.

“Call it.”

“Time of death. 2:36am.”

-

“You got the list?”

Manny shook her head.

“I’m going to Japan next year. I’ll take a little more.”

Donovan rubbed at his arms through the Under Armor. Strange that he ran the whole way there, but he had a routine he liked to keep as well as the distraction. Kali was strangely relieved that they got a med student that was understanding of their situation.

“Demi.”

He just shook his head.

“I know why we have to do this now, but I just want to take my meds.”

It was a very long week for them.

“It’s okay. We’ll take Manny’s car if you want to go home.”

There was a small chuckle with a smile to follow.

“Maybe I’ll be the big spoon with your boyfriend.”

“There you are.”

Demi left his sister to do what he couldn’t handle anymore. Donovan grabbed the stiff cardboard box with the separated bits of his mother. Peggy had always wanted to travel but she was terrified to fly. Now, as agreed, she would see the world. With the box placed in the truck, everyone made a break for the backseat. Donovan turned for the road, but Kali was quicker.

“Hey, if you are taking the scenic route, can you pick up a few things at the market?”

“Sure thing. List?”

“Yeah. Be sure to get me the receipts when you get home.”

“Got it.”

Kali was able to settle herself in the driver’s seat. Manny was in the back without a word or sign. Silence was understandable. Everything blended so easily. The car stopped in the driveway. With the motor off, Kali could only sit there. Her eyes drifted over the two story home that her mother worked hard to pay off. The lawyer was a family friend and would make the last day of Shiva but thankfully Tom would be gone by then. Soon they would have to talk but there were things that she was and wasn’t feeling. Her eyes wondered to the mailbox that was back in the ground while they were gone earlier that morning. Tom must have been busy since then. She reached behind her.

“Hey,” she swatted at Manny’s bare leg, “We got work to do.”

Manny groaned but she knew. Kali was first in the house and taken completely by surprise. Demi was already on his feet and helping rearrange the family and friends that were already there. His pain meds always made him helpful and uppity. Peggy did have plans put in place. Kali had hoped it would be a few decades before they would happen but here it was.

Music came from the den, mostly 80’s rock and trash. Everyone agreed that was where the booze stayed. The kitchen would be put to use. There was food and a system for dirty dishes. That’s where she found Tom. She didn’t stay long as Manny stomped upstairs with half a bottle of Jack. She snapped to Donovan as he arrived home.

“I got her.”

Kali pushed her brown hair back and was carried with the system of the house. Most of the house had a flow. Only a few people upstairs at a time. Bathrooms stocked at all times. No empty plates in the house. No one had to leave for the week but there had to be breaks. Kali checked her phone the moment she felt some fatigue.

“Go have a lie down.”

Manny signed her.

“Where have you been for the last five hours? I thought you’d be out.”

“I almost got into a fight with Don, but we went for a run. I had a panic attack.”

“What?!”

“I’m a little better now and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, kid. We just grieve differently.”

“It’s almost midnight. Go to bed, man.”

She didn’t realize how the house had gotten quiet.

“Everyone else down?”

“Demi crashed in Mom’s bed. We got ourselves. Go.”

It wasn’t just her bed she was pushing Kali to. She stopped in the bathroom that was finally silent. She washed up as quick as she could before she cried. It didn’t stop her hands from shaking. Her hand could barely grab the doorknob.

“Kali?”

She sighed in relief as she heard Tom on the other side of the door. She used what strength she had to pull the door open. Tom was ready for anything as Kali stood in the quiet little bathroom.

“Hi.”

_____

Tagged: @808-anon​ @angelus80​ @angryschnauzer​ @antyc67​ @atinyfangirl​ @audasia25​ @damageditem​ @dangertoozmanykids101​ @inkededucatednnerdy​ @itsjustelen​ @jennphoenix​ @justahopeless-dreamer​ @kimanne723​ @lokilockedcougar​ @lovehiddles4everme​ @mazda098​ @missdibley​ @mrshiddelston​ @mypreciousmind1​ @nicole-stewart-loves-cookies​ @osb1anon​ @ourladybinxthings​ @peskipixi​ @prplprincez​ @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks​ @ririsutty​ @roamingbadger​ @sarabeth72​ @sevanya​ @shamvictoria11​ @starrynight35​ @siyoteodiara​ @startingtoenjoylife​ @texmexdarling​ @the-lady-mischief​ @tinaferraldo​ @tomkurbikston​ @vdcster​ @wolfsmom1​

[avalindin]

Stay Alive

Snowpiercer AU

*A/N: Am I back? For now, yeah. I know it’s been a year but I was busy heavily stressing about life and having Times Square dancers shaking their business in my face. So, I think I did pretty good.

She did what she could to keep her head down and cling to her husband. Nearly three whole years of shuffling around to the right stop that was still boarding. The journey was long and there were things she was able to push from her memory. What she couldn’t, she forced away to stay focused. Any mistake in the next few hundred yards and it would cost her life. She could hear the guards near the edge of the gates leading to the  tracks.

“Cardholders to the left, others to the right!”

She held on for her life. Her body hated the cold and what was left of her clothes did what they could to keep her warm. Anything she wore now wasn’t what she originally had when they first ran.

“Women, children first! Coupled tickets this way!”

“Come on move your feet!”

Her legs hurt from the cold that seeped through the torn leggings. She’d fallen and tripped so many times on the journey that she was sure that her legs were more coated with her blood than what was left of her fabric. Her grip became tighter the more they got to the filling trains. She didn’t want to look to the waves of panic and chaos pushing into one another. Children cried for their parents stuck on the edge of the tracks, handed off to complete strangers and never to be seen again. Again, she forced them out.

Still, she ignored the sounds around her and kept her feet moving. She screamed out when a tall, large man jumped in front of them. It wasn’t the first time; it all scared her, the desperation of strangers.

“How much for her? Please? I need to get on the train!”

“Not with my wife. Get lost.”

She whimpered as his grip on her wrist tightened enough to hurt but she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. They were that much closer.

“Come on. Everyone is grabbing a girl. The couples get lucky. Look around you!”

She looked to her husband’s eyes looking around to the women around them doing what they could to get to the train on their own. Disbelief sunk into her chest when her husband’s grip loosened for a moment and the stranger’s began to replace it.

“Sam!”

He turned back as the crowds of people pulled her from his hand. Hers grabbed on to his knapsack. She screamed and in another moment, was lost.

“Sam?!”

She fought the crowd and used the edge of her worn boots to climb up a snowy trash can to look for him. A smile hurt her face as she spotted him behind her. She waved her hand free of her bags and felt the breath stop in her chest. Her husband’s hand was locked tight with another woman’s and her grip matched his own.

“Samuel!!”

Her voice raised high enough to turn heads including his. She waited for his hand to let go, for his direction to change to hers but he pressed on without her. She even pushed the dark loose strands out of her eyes to be sure as he moved on.

“Sa-”

Her whole body jumped as she was pulled from her feet and down to the hard stone of the walkway. She tried to scream but a dirty hand covered her mouth as she was dragged to the boarded up building nearby. Her nails tried to reach up and scratch, but her fingers stayed clutched to the useless bags.

She could feel fires fighting the bitter, harsh cold. Once they were beautiful libraries and full of life. Now the books had all burned for heat and used to roast the animals caged high up the halls.

The poor lit rooms hurt her eyes after days of walking under the cold sun.

“Found one for auctioning. Train leaves in an hour.”

She didn’t want to know what was happening or how to get away, but she did what she could to hurt however held her. Her boots kicked his shins to make his curse. His fingers tangled into her hair and jerked her head back to keep her in line.

“Behave and you might get on the train in one piece.”

She would have rather died. Her jaw opened as wide as it could and when his fingers ran over the front of her teeth, she bit down as hard as she could. His scream of pain echoed over the howls of the caged animals and of the yelling crowd in the next room. Attention was something dangerous if it was pointed towards her. She let him go and spat the blood to the floor. Her body turned to run back for the light. A silhouette ran from the shadows to main doorway and lifted a bit of metal from one of the broken cages over his head

It was a tall man, his piercing blue eyes stunning her. They seemed familiar and terrifying.

“Get down!”

Her bags helped her drop to the floor. Her arms protected her as a shriek of pain filled her ears. A hand pulled her to her feet. She found the blue eyes again, the purest thing on his face as the smeared dirt on more of his skin.

“Run.”

The voice that came from his mouth was serious, but she obeyed and run by his side. She didn’t ask any questions and kept running. Her lungs burned the closer they got to the train.

“This way,” he ordered.

She flung the bags over her shoulder and stayed as close to her savior as she could. There was no way to know what would happen with Samuel gone. She would have to do what she could. Aside from her stranger, she was finally all alone. Her feet stopped once she had room to move her arms. She looked over her shoulder to the few people that made their way to the back of the train.

“Where are the guards?”

It was strange to hear her own voice.

“Cargo guards are on the inside. No payment to get on but you work for your spot on the train. Down here.”

The people in front of her scrambled to disappear under the wheels and onto the large metal railings. She did what she could to not slip on the ice. A hatch dropped near her head. Her stranger turned and nodded up.

“Go. Wait for me.”

She held on to what she could and hoisted herself up into the car. The dim light made her nervous until the dull lights overhead flickered on. She could feel her head spin a bit as her stranger’s hand returned to her arm.

“Come on.”

A few loud thuds almost made her look back as the train around her began to rumble. The unfamiliar roar nearly drowned out the screams of the people still outside, banging their fists on the walls. The bags on her arms were too heavy for her to reach up and cover her ears.

“Hey.”

Her stranger reached for her terrified face and turned the rest of her slowly to the nearest wall. She tried to push out words, anything but it was no use. Tears ran down her face, surely erasing a small bit of dirt left on her from her travels. Her knees buckled. She knew what was coming next. The world she left behind outside made her heart race wildly.

He caught her and pulled her farther towards the back. She almost didn’t see him disappear to return a second later with a blanket. He led her to the loudest part of the car near the wheels so they couldn’t hear anything else. He pressed her to the wall and laid next to her to shield her from the other passengers looking for a place to settle. She worked both her bags from her tired arms and tucked them between the both of them.

“Don’t let them see the bags or they’ll kill you for it.”

“Who?”

Her voice cracked a little. He only shock his head and covered her with most of the blanket.

“Don’t look at anyone else.”

“What do we do?”

“Sleep.”

“And?”

It had been a long time since she and her husband had left their lives behind to seek safety on the train that could save them from the growing horrors outside. She’d watched so many people die. Starvation, wild dogs, each other. So much death, so many things that would stay with her as nightmares. Too many horrors she’d seen, and she was sure it wasn’t going to stop now that she made it to the train.

“Stay alive.”

She shook her head and flattened herself as close to the warming wall behind her. Her hand reached out and grabbed her stranger to pull him away from the shuffling boots hitting his back.

“No.”

“Do it or I’ll scream.”

He gave a small huff and moved as close as he could to her. His arms fixed themselves around her, giving them more room as the train rocked to life. She sealed her eyes shut and held onto her stranger. All she needed to think about was the colony waiting over a year away, still green and vibrant and worth everything she’d experienced.

She tried to open her eyes to look at her stranger one last time, but the ground held her hurting tired body and let her sleep the pain away.

 -

 She didn’t remember when she woke up. It all still felt like a dream. The only thing that was different was the stationary image of the other passengers in the car. Her legs felt like they wanted to move again after walking for so long.

Her ears were thankful not to hear any more screams and the sure turning of the train wheels behind her.  She ignored her stomach and kept her bags close to her.

“Here.”

She snapped from her daze to her stranger’s hand out with a bar of food in his palm.

“What is it?”

“What they could spare? Food is traded higher up the train and we were lucky to get something. You need your strength.”

She took the bar and took her time to gnaw at it. Food was still food and it had gotten scarce. Her eyes shifted to a small little girl hiding behind a pile of containers. She smiled to her and ushered her forward with what was left of her bar.

“What are you doing,” he hissed to her.

It was a chance.

“Mind your business. Come here.”

The dirty little child was hesitant at first but bolted from the shadows as she jumped to her lap and snatched the bar away. She was careful to hide the child’s ravenous eating from the others. She locked furious eyes with the stranger.

“Go ahead and say something. Someone has to give a damn.”

“It’s going to get you killed.”

“As long as I do something good. You do good, you die great. Something has to count for something nowadays.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled the bags under his long coat. When the little one finished, she flashed a smile to the woman.

“It’s all I had but you’re welcome. Where’s your family?”

She pointed to the back of the car behind the boxes to a pair of hidden feet. Before she could get up, he stopped her. Perhaps it had been for the best.

“Let me, in case it’s a trap.”

“Are you kidding me? People aren’t that stupid.”

The stranger stood and quickly made his way to the back. He stopped and a look of irritation found her. She followed the nod of his head, slowly bringing the child behind her. He had pulled the blanket back from a skinny blonde woman that had bled out from her stomach. Her skin had already hued blue, dead from the previous day.

The stranger knelt quickly and began searching the dead body.

“What are you doing?”

“Either we do it or they’ll do it worse.”

“Another dead one!”

She turned and saw a handful of people turn and fixate on the body.

“Let’s go!”

One of his hands was full of things taken from the body and the other pushed them safely out of the way of the scavenging and the wave of fists. She held the child starting to cry for her mother to shield her away. She didn’t expect the man to slowly reach for the child.

“Hey, come here for a second.”

The girl let go of her and clung to the man. He laid out the small things he was able to get his hands on. There were pictures, bandages, and a silver necklace; small items that the mother had tucked away when she was alive.

“Do me a favor and hold onto these? Don’t take them out for anybody, okay?”

The little girl shook her head and worked what she could into her pockets. He chained the necklace around her neck and was able to tuck it away under her clothes and mother’s scarf wrapped tightly to her small neck.

A loud screech made everyone in the car cringe as they all covered their ears. A thunder brought everyone to their feet. Men entered the start of the train car. The woman’s eyes went for the large machine guns holstered over their shoulders. One man larger than the line of guards stepped forward.

“Bring forward the dead! Anyone holding a body will join them!”

People backed away to the wall to let half stripped bodies to the front. She heard a whimper from the small girl as her mother’s stripped body was brought forward. Someone had taken the hat from her head to leave a stringy river of pale hair behind her.

“Shh. Don’t look at them. Close your eyes.”

Once the bodies were gone, the people moved about slowly but stayed to their feet.

“Stay standing for count! Tagging begins after! Go!”

The stranger pulled her close to him and the child.

“Do what they say, or you’ll die. They will not hesitate.”

She turned back to the people in front of her sitting one by one in perfect rhythm. Once in sight, she could see the guards perfectly. They looked different from the ones near the front of the train. Her mind went blank to her husband with his hand, painfully clutched to her.

“Down.”

She saw a guard with his arm out clicking something in his hand twice.

“You. Down.”

The stranger held on to the little girl and sat on the ground.

“You. Down.”

Her mind went blank for a moment, purely by accident and everything happened so fast. The guards yelled in her direction. The stranger grabbed her coat to pull her down. The guards all reached for their guns and pointed them directly to her. She was too petrified to move but her arm shot up before she realized what had happened. Her mouth opened and she wasn’t sure of what she said.

Her heart beat twice and the guns were lowered. She cleared her throat and forced herself to focus.

“I’m a ticket holder!”

Her voice echoed throughout the car, trembling as she held up the clenched ticket from her pocket.

“Let her pass. Now!”

She took a single step forward and was stopped. She looked behind her to the concrete grip of her hand on the stranger’s coat holding her back. She wasn’t sure why there was shock in his eyes.

“I have my family,” she barked back to the guards.

Another heartbeat and the largest one ushered them forward. She didn’t dare let go of the coat or her ticket as her legs led her forward. She didn’t dare look back to the rest of the car or the several doors that closed behind them. All she could do was fight the mushy bar that was trying to make its way up her throat. There would be time for that later.

“Stop. Name.”

Fear struck her. She knew she would be fine, but she hadn’t thought about the man or the little girl. Their blood was going to be on her hands. She prayed like Hell that chaos was on her side.

“Curtis and Ava Pierce.”

He held out his hand giving a guard the wallet she had hidden deep in her coat. She didn’t have the energy to be mad. The guard flipped open her wallet, looking to her ID and to a faded picture she kept of her and her husband. They were both almost the same build but her husband was a bit shorter.

“Alright.”

Relief stung as Curtis took the wallet back. She didn’t think the guards were that foolish. There was a moment as they nodded to one another. A single woman guard in grey stepped forward.

“Who’s this then?”

The little girl hid her face into Curtis’ chest scared.

“My niece. You just pulled out her mother with the blonde hair.”

“What’s her name?”

“Is that necessary?”

“Sarah.”

The little girl’s voice was beautiful. She couldn’t remember the last time she heard a child that wasn’t crying. Ava turned her head to little girl as she smiled to the woman guard.

“Is it now? Can you come with me for a minute so the grown-ups can talk?”

Sarah whimpered as she looked to Ava.

“It’s okay, we’ll be right here.”

She slowly let Curtis’ neck go and held on to the woman guard as she stepped back. Ava wanted to follow but the guard pointed their rifles once Sarah was cleared. She screamed for Curtis and Ava until he put his hands up. He moved to Sarah and pulled the cap from his head.

“Don’t worry. We’re just talking, I promise. Just close your eyes for me.”

She shook her head as Curtis worked his dirty cap over her tears. He gave her head a quick kiss and returned to Ava’s side. Ava tried not to panic when the door was shut between them and Sarah.

“So,” sighed the largest guard, “I know you’re lying.”

“It’s my name on the ticket and the ID in my wallet. What more proof do you need?”

The guard scratched at his chin. So many nightmare and so many things she lived through. She would get through this.

“Give her a kiss.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“No. I have money.”

“Do you now?”

“Stop it,” ordered Curtis as he stepped between the both of them, “You aren’t taking her money.”

“That’s not up to you. Just be lucky it’s me and not any others looking for a way to make room on this train. You want survive; you better keep up appearances.”

Curtis pushed Ava behind him to shield her, but it wouldn’t be enough.

“We’ll give you what you want and then we’ll go.”

He turned without another word. Ava almost started to argue until she met his eyes. He was just as scared as she was.

“Trust me,” he quickly huffed under his breath.

Ava wasn’t ready for the weight of Curtis pushing her back against a stray box and pressing his lips to hers. Her whole body was frozen as his hands slowly moved to her back to hold her to him. She wasn’t sure of what to do but it all felt humiliating and… welcome.

One of his hands drifted up to her neck to cradle her head as he buried his lips into her neck. Ava sealed her eyes shut to not see the looks on the guards’ faces. She did what she could to ignore the whistles and stifled laughter. She gasped as she felt Curtis press himself hard enough to feel her legs spread.

“Alright, that’s enough, the both of you. Separate. Now.”

She could feel Curtis force himself to stop but she wasn’t ready to compose herself. Her skin was on fire, needing to sweat. Her eyes stayed to the ground as one of the guards knocked on the door. It lifted to Sarah waiting. Ava reached forward and took her into her arms. All she wanted to do was leave.

“Alright. Move along.”

“Thank you.”

Curtis gave Ava a push forward to the series of doors opening ahead of them.

“I mean it about the appearances,” the guard pushed out in one breath.

They all moved on. They were led for what seemed like forever as Ava tried to hold Sarah in her arms.

“Here.”

Curtis took the sleeping toddler from her arms, not realizing that she’d been wearing herself out.

“Thank you.”

“Wait here.”

They stopped and were made to sit as what was left of the guards left them alone. Ava forced her eyes to stay open. The quiet was strange.

“So, Curtis?”

“Everett. Look, I’m sorry for what happened...”

“No,” she interrupted.

She took a breath and tried to find her words.

“It’s like you said. Stay alive. There are worse ways to survive. Just don’t give me a reason to kill you and don’t go through my things.”

“It saved us.”

“I know.”

She wasn’t ready for the way his hand slid into hers, dirty fingers lacing. He brought them to his chapped lips and kissed the back of her hand.

“You deserved better than him. I saw how he looked to you.”

He meant Samuel.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“If he stayed, then you wouldn’t have saved Sarah. Children get snatched for food all the time.”

She looked confused to him and then to Sarah’s sleepy face.

“Traded or worse.”

Ava didn’t want to imagine but anything could be passed off as justified under harsh circumstances. Apocalypses had all rules looked over. She ran her finger over her small, warm cheek.

“Stay alive.”

A guard returned with a strangely proper looking middle aged woman. Her clothes were unbelievably clean, and her posture was as straight as a statue.

“Welcome to the Cabins, Ticket Holders! My deepest apologies for finding you so late. We are experiencing some difficulty with proper organization of other holders and some souls that had wandered to the front of the trains in the chaos, but all is being settled as we speak. May I see your ticket, please?”

Ava reached into her pocket and showed her ticket to the woman. She, in turn, pulled a small lighter from her sleeve and held the flame to the ticket. Ava was perfectly still.

“Wonderful,” smiled the woman as she snapped the lighter shut.

“Excuse me.”

“Oh no, Mrs. Pierce, excuse me. I’ve had to test the tickets. There have been some forgeries and was punishable from the spontaneous combustion that came along with them. Glad to say that you are of the first that haven’t caught fire today.”

“That’s settling.”

“As you will be soon. Come now. You and yours shall be sent directly to your quarters after we get you cleaned up.”

Ava moved herself forward with Curtis and Sarah behind them. The walk behind the woman seemed to go on longer than she wished. Her body almost went on auto-pilot until a familiar voice filled her ears. She willed her knees to stay strong for once.

“My name is in the directory! I want to speak with your superior!”

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She was steady as she shook off Curtis’ hand and stopped in front of the main guard.

“My name is Ava Pierce and I am a ticket holder.”

“Ava!”

Samuel was shoved aside with the woman he’d chosen to take her place as she held up her ticket.

“My inherited money got me this ticket for me and my family.”

Her eyes accidently caught the snarl on Samuel’s face directed squarely at Curtis. He turned himself from Samuel’s growing fury.

“No! That is my wife, you bastard!”

Samuel tried to leap forward for Curtis as he tried to protect Sarah. She shrieked in horror as a single shot from the rifle rang out, hitting Samuel in one of his kneecaps. Curtis shielded Sarah’s face away from the blood and shattered bone as his own foot kicked up and struck Samuel in the neck.

“You stay away from my family!”

Ava reached for the wallet in Curtis’ coat and handed it to the guard.

“I’m the head of my family and my legal name is on the ticket. My mother was one of the investors before legal powers were handed off to me.”

“Excellent. Move them on from the show.”

Ava grabbed Curtis’ hand and quickly dragged him away from Samuel’s painful wails. She didn’t want to or even need to look back to Samuel as she left behind her loveless and neglectful husband behind her. She carried on with Sarah back in her arms and Curtis’ hand in hers. Tears streamed from her eyes, but she felt no guilt or grief. For the first time, she felt no heaviness on her shoulders.

Onward, there were stairs and elevators to lead above what she thought were stacked floors of the train cars. She knew what her mother was investing in but not something as robust as the rumors of the surviving train and what it led to. So many new smells of the train tricked her nose to remind her of a normalcy from before the world had turned to shit. Smells from delicious to sterile and above all out of a dream, she convinced herself to remain focused. There was no time to dream just yet.

“Right. This is where we part. First, to sterilizations and check-ups, then to quarters for the remainder of your stay. Best of luck.”

Ava had no reason to worry as she and Sarah were separated from Curtis to be cleaned. She didn’t want to seem like a distraction, but she kept Sarah calm through washing and immunization shots.

“Good girl. Look at how pretty you are.”

Ava felt it was unnecessary at the workers of the train to over agree and smother Sarah, but it was their job and it kept Sarah smiling. They were led cleaned to small room with clear walls where a single person, unsure if they were man or woman, sat behind a typewriter with files spread around them. Ava turned her head by chance to see a painful look on Curtis’ face as something was injected into his arm. Her eyes looked in horror to a dark patch of skin on his left arm. Sarah quickly noticed but Ava quickly racked her brain. True white lie.

“It’s okay. It’s just the medicine fighting the bad stuff. He’s going to be fine.”

Frostbite was something Ava always feared. She was glad that none of the cuts on her legs were affected by it. She could only pray for Curtis’ arm. Once the pain in his face stopped, he would be led to Ava and made to sit in front of the typist but when she looked up he was gone from sight. She was glad that Sarah turned her attention to the hair that was cut, cleaned and laying on Ava’s shoulder.

“List of Inventory of the Pierce Party of three, detailed. Check here. All either returned or stored for your stay.”

“We want everything.”

“Initial here, please.”

Ava did, accepting.

“The Terms and Conditions of passage to the Colonies includes any accepted skills for the last stop.”

“I don’t have any skills. I have a chance to finish school.”

“There are programs to ensure maximum productivity.”

One of the staff rushed to the typewriter’s side and whispered something almost putting a smile to their face.

“Mrs. Pierce. A second of your time? She will need to stay here.”

Sarah was able to let go and cooperate as she moved to where Curtis used to be.

“I-Is there a problem?”

“There would seem so.”

Ava could feel the bumps on her arm raise. She tried to open her mouth to explain herself.

“You husband is having a hard time with testing contribution.”

“Contribution?”

“Yes, it was put down that your family would be making an addition in more than one way. Your physical exam won’t be until the day after tomorrow but since he is here…”

“Oh, I see…”

There was nothing to hide her blush and fear of getting caught. It was the appearances the guard had mentioned. No sudden changes meant no paranoia and no paranoia meant no inquiries.

“Things may go quicker with your assistance. Come back when you’re done.”

The frosted glass closed behind her, silencing the train and shocking herself hearing the frustrated breaths on the other side of the dim room. Ava was careful in her steps, listening to Curtis as he struggled. She arched her head and was stunned. Curtis’ clean skin was visible to her. His shirt was in a heap on the floor near his feet and his pant were pushed to the edge of his hips. His skin was littered in scars and it was all too mesmerizing to look away.

“Curtis?”

Her voice sounded different.

“I’m sorry. They were asking me too many questions and they gave me that.”

Her eyes glued themselves to the small plastic collection cup on the counter next to him. She pushed it to the wall and hopped on the counter next to him. She didn’t want to look down, not yet. His face was just as red as hers.

This was what they had to do. Stay alive. She took his hand and pulled him in front of her. It was hard for him to look her in the eyes.

“I didn’t think we’d make it this far,” he whispered.

It was strange to hear his voice so soft. His bottom lip began to tremble.

“Hey, hey. Don’t do that. We could have died in that back car.”

“No,” he whispered.

He turned his lips into her palm and kissed her skin. There was something wrong.

“Curtis?”

“I followed you. Him too. I-I didn’t mean to but… There were so many people going in different directions and not everyone was going to survive. I was following behind the groups for more than a year. There were times he was gone, and I made sure nothing happened. There were too many fucking close calls.”

“So, the tracks wasn’t a random thing?”

“I saw him let go and they would have done worse things than kill you…”

Ava grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his. Her mouth tingled, feeling something she hadn’t in a long time. She pulled away. Her eyes stayed closed as she felt Curtis panting in front of her.

The world had been dangerous outside, and he said it himself. There were too many times that she’d been caught in the chaos and nightmares that followed in traveling for months. Sam had shown his worth and though Curtis was a stranger, he cared more.

Her mind ran for a moment. Her fingers brushed the skin under his navel, and they wanted to go further.

“What would you do, Curtis?”

“What?”

“Our circumstances have changed. Not for the best but not the worst. Tell me.”

She grabbed his hand and formed it to her side, letting it slide under her shirt. Curtis’ fingers formed so beautifully to her side.

“I can’t.”

She pulled his neck down and kissed him. The sound that came from him made her face hurt as she smiled.

“Then show me.”

 -

 “Mr. Pierce?”

“Woodworker. Furniture, mostly.”

He didn’t realize he’d lost focus again as he tried not to look at the partly filled container left on the counter behind the typewriter just waiting to be picked up by someone from the medical car.

“With the arm?”

“Before. I don’t plan on stopping.”

“My ticket covers any medical attention he’ll need if it comes to that.”

“Naturally. That and future additions. Additions are encouraged. Do you have plans for additions?”

There was a silence that filled the clear room. Curtis cleared his throat. If he hadn’t controlled himself when he was alone with Ava, then they would have.

“Yes.”

“Very well.”

“Wait. Ah-”

Ava kicked Curtis’ shin to shut him up as the rest of her paperwork was put into their systems. The ticket was going to be used to its limit. No matter what, they would be taken care of. Ava kept her face buried in Sarah’s hair as they moved along. She stayed focused so she wouldn’t have to think of Curtis again.

His hands. His lips. Him…

“And the preschools are a floor below.”

“She’s still working out her mother’s death.”

“We have the best tutors. Something minimal until she is ready. Here is your quarters.”

Ava was stunned at the space of the quarters she was given. Much more room than the box car she left behind.

“Thank you.”

Ana turned to see the typist gone and a guard to take their place, one that had taunted them earlier on the train.

“Nice accommodations, Mrs. Pierce. Settling in well?”

“Yes, and we thank you for getting us here without a problem. Why are you here?”

“This isn’t personal.”

“The show at the back of the train seemed personal for your benefit,” interrupted Curtis.

“Fine,” agreed Ava, “but I have a feeling there is something more, isn’t there?”

“You got me. Some is personal but I’m a man of business.”

“I’m not fucking you.”

“Now, now. I’m not that morally corrupted. Your ticket puts you near the start of the process and things run smoother on schedule. Do this and I’ll be of a concierge to you.”

“You want a promotion.”

“Like you, I need to move my family into better living conditions. The standing importance of your ticket has many privileges.”

“I want to ten more people to come up. Families.”

“Ten more people?”

“They’ll easily fit in here with plenty of room to spare.”

“Are you joking?”

“My status, your connections. People deserve a chance. Think of what will happen to that space when your family moves up. Someone else will be able to survive in that spot.”

“What about that bastard at the start of the Cabins?”

“He knows what he did, and I will never think of him again. My deal. Either take it or leave it. I’m sure other guards have families that would love to step up.”

With a sigh, the guard tried not to act so impressed as he shook Ava’s hand.

“Deal, Mrs. Pierce. The paperwork will find you tomorrow.”

“I’m sure it will.”

Ava didn’t break eye contact until he broke his demeanor and held out his hand.

“I do mean my word, Mrs. Pierce. I lost people too. These are changed times. Those families won’t get up here at once. Believe me when I say there are more good people than worse. Certain ones didn’t make it to the train in time. Rules can be bent carefully, if you catch my wind.”

This was her chance to be the woman her mother had raised by herself. If it would keep the bad away for a little while longer, then it would all be worth it. She took his hand.

“Then help me find a way around this.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Have a well rest. You deserve it. I should also let you know that your dirty man bled out ‘fore he could be patched up. Don’t know where the skinny thing ran off to.”

“Not my problem anymore. If you find her, make sure she’s not in my car.”

She waited until he was gone and shut her new family away from the rest of the train. Curtis disappeared into the kitchen space. She could hear the curses echo from the amount of provided food lining the shelves. She could hear Sarah had wandered into the other room and play with the provided toys. Ava closed her eyes and let the silence numb her as she sat against the nearest wall and fell asleep.

Her eyes opened as Sarah wiggled out of her arms. Ava pushed herself out of the toddler’s disgustingly comfortable bed and stretched herself. Curtis must have put her in the bed next to Sarah. Her eyes followed the soft and pink colors, eventually ending up at the door to the rest of their quarters.

From the door there was a large open space for sitting. There was a fireplace, safe to use thanks to the many vents that channeled away smoke safely and from what she remembered her mother say, the heat would also make it to the other cars. There was a grand dining room table with room to spare and a large kitchen space. Ava wondered if her cooking would be as good as she remembered. Hopefully, her new inside man would find someone from the back that could help her. There were two bathrooms, one next to the kitchen and one in the spacious master bedroom. It stood next to Sarah’s new room and ending with the front door.

Ava turned her head to the master bedroom and saw Curtis out cold.

She closed Sarah’s door, and slowly made her way forward. The quiet scared her. There were clothes provided but she didn’t want to change out of her shirt and sweatpants. At least, not yet.

She closed the bedroom door behind her and felt the past wash over her. Her nose found the linens, fresh and undisturbed. She followed it to the closet on the other side of the room. Ava felt the flicker light above her hurt her eyes and fell to her knees at the sight of fresh towels. Her nose buried deep into the fabric and she knew she didn’t want to leave.

“Where’s my pretty girl?”

Ava remembered she always messed up the laundry her mother folded.

“How did I know you would be here?”

Ava remembered a small moment before everything happened when she was a child. Her mother’s arms around her with the fresh towels to comfort her and protect her from what life hadn’t thrown at her yet.

She didn’t have the same comfort when her mother was laying in the hospital bed with nervous lawyers surrounding her. There was no time for memories or goodbyes, only the warnings.

“Nothing big. Have Samuel withdraw as much as he can and wire it to the company on-site.”

“Okay.”

“Things are happening too quickly. You have until the day after tomorrow. You should be going now.”

“But we aren’t ready!”

Her mother’s hand fought the short length of the tubes. Ava couldn’t stop her tears.

“I have made my peace. No one is coming for me. Even if they were, I wouldn’t survive the trip. If you do not survive, then there is no point in all of this.”

“Tell me what to do, mama.”

She remembered how strong she wanted her mother’s hand to be.

“Stay alive. Promise me.”

“I promise…”

Ava knew her mother would be proud as she carefully folded the towels back where they belonged. Her eyes looked to the rows and rows of fancy clothes she know she’d never wear. She was on her feet and ran her finger across the fabrics.

“We could use better than this crap.”

Ava did come from money, yet she was raised to be humble but as her eyes settled on the unnecessary colors. She undressed herself and looked into each and every drawer that would be theirs. Functioning undergarments felt strange on her skin, so did the stockings and the deep green gown that slid across her curves with ease.

“Ava?”

She left the closet behind her and met Curtis’ eyes.

“I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

The smile on his face made her unsure if he really hated the dress.

“The whole closet is full of them. You don’t like it, do you?”

Curtis stretched out with the thin sheet to inch down his stomach.

“No, I do not.”

She chose to make one turn and show off the fabric.

“It looks flammable.”

“Like it could keep a fire burning for the whole night. Maybe into the morning.”

“I guess that makes it worth something.”

Curtis reached out and caught some of the fabric.

“It could but I still don’t like it.”

“Fine with me,” she shrugged.

Ava pushed the straps down her arms. She felt Curtis’ eyes burning into her chest as the dress fell to her waist.

“You probably don’t like these either,” she sighed as Curtis’ eyes were glued to the black lace bra.

His hand slid up into the slit she didn’t remember was in the side of the dress.

“I guess that would all depend.”

Ava smiled, pushing the dress down past her knees and his hand.

“How about now,” she whispered as her fingers brushed alongside the lace panties that went with the bra.

“I may need a closer look. Come here.”

The hand at her leg guided her to the bed and over his waist.

“Is this better?”

“Maybe a little closer.”

Ava failed to keep a smile from her face as Curtis pulled her to the top of his chest. He arched his head up and kissed the inside of her leg. She could feel his lips move higher. She gasped at the feel of his nipping teeth, teasing her thigh.

His tongue darted out and pressed to the lace between her legs. She braced Curtis’ legs through the sheet, humping the tip of his tongue and needing so much more.

Curtis reached up and moved the fabric to the side and swiped his tongue up. Ava gasped, clawing at his legs. Curtis hid his wince from the dug of her shortened nails. Any long than they had been, and Ava would have drawn blood. He tried to hold her hips as still as he could, but it was like he remembered.

Warm, inviting, delicious…

So many years and tasting it again, tasting her, he didn’t want to stop but he need more.

Ava could feel Curtis move under her so quickly. The way he moved, the way he looked into her eyes, licking his lips to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to the soft mattress under him. His arms stayed around her; his hands touched every bit of her clean skin.

Ava kept her eyes staring deep into Curtis’ as his strong hand grabbed the front of her bra and snapped it open without hesitation. His lips buried themselves into her skin at the top of her chest. Her stomach cringed wonderfully as his fingers found themselves either around her naked breast or past the edge of her panties. Curtis refused to let her skin go once the pads of his fingers wandered between her legs.

He helped her legs part better; one of hers over his to let his hand feel her wet for him. She felt how quick his hand was. First, at the top, then down, slowly stroking her until his finger slid into her. He held onto her as she slowly writhed against Curtis. She guided his head forward to her neck. His teeth dug into her skin only a fraction and it was enough to nearly break her.

She could feel his fingers in and out of her, drawing her closer.

He stopped and slowly pulled his hands away. He arched forward and licked his fingers clean. Curtis wanted to turn back to see the beautiful look of hunger on her face but was distracted by the way she slid the useless panties down her legs.

“You were taking too long.”

He met her eyes as she pulled off what was left of the ripped bra. He grinned.

“I guess, I’ll remember that for next time.”

He was over her in an instant. He jerked the bedsheets away. They felt so strange on his skin after all this time, even Ava’s naked skin but he would get used to that much quicker. He panted in her ear the more he grinded against her.

“Tell me what to do.”

“No.”

He was thrilled by the smile on her face and the way her fingers brushed against her chest.

“Then what?”

She grabbed him, slowly stroking him. He wasn’t ready as his fingers curled roughly into the mattress. She missed this.

“Do to me what you would have done in that back room,” she took his hand and led it to her neck, “or out there, all alone, with no one around…”

There was a second of hesitation, snapped away as she offered her open legs to him. He crashed into her, needing to feel her warmth again. Ava opened her mouth as Curtis filled her. He winced at the nails digging into his back. His hips moved on their own. There were too many horrors, images growing and burning into his head but every moan that fell from her beautiful lips would eventually null them into dust with time.

He pulled his hand away from her neck and wrapped it to her jaw to keep her eyes locked to his.

“You should really be careful what you wish for, Ava.”

The low growl in his voice sent chills down her back.

-

 She hated the taste of the medicine she was given in the medical car the day before. In the coming days, her ticket would give her access to healing treatments for her muscles. She would have to eat her food slowly so her digestion system wouldn’t overwork itself. The strangest thing that made her happy was the feel of a fresh toothbrush.

Everything in her ached but the fresher ache from Curtis was very welcomed. She turned to her side, feeling her arm stretch over his stomach as he slept on his back. Ava opened a single eye. The last thing she had cared to remembered was her arms wrapping tightly around Curtis and her eyes safely shutting from exhaustion. She saw the bed above her. Around them were the smallest and flattest of the pillows that were provided.

Under her, she felt the rumble of the train. She would have to get used to everything. For now, she felt the comfort she was used to for so long.

She didn’t remember moving herself, but she didn’t care. She didn’t trust the mattress just yet. After two and a half years of running, she felt she would fall right through the mattress. For now, she had the few pillows under her and Curtis’ arms around her.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

She smiled at the sound of his voice. She lifted her to his warm smile.

“We may just have to break it in properly if you want.”

“You really shouldn’t tempt me.”

Curtis kissed the top of her head, feeling her clean dark hair on his healing lips.

“I thought I was going to wake up outside.”

“This really does feel like a dream.”

“We can stay here for a little longer. Sarah’s out and I’m not going anywhere. Appearances or no.”

Curtis pulled her closer to him so she wouldn’t disappear. No one would need them for hours.

“Thank you,” she whispered into his clean skin.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled as he wrapped the pulled covers tighter around them.

 -

 For such a big group, none of them could talk from what she could hear.

She could feel her knees wanting to shake. Soon, she would need to step out. Her sides hurt with excitement.

“You ready yet?”

Ava snapped her head up from her thoughts to Curtis. His coat was already on his shoulders. He could see the worry in her veins. He reached into her lap for his little girl, still asleep from the night before.

“Her fever went down. Panic from not wanting to admit a sick baby.”

“He’s here. Come on. Everyone’s ready and packed.”

“I can do this.”

“Fuck, right. Let’s go.”

Curtis shifted his baby in his arms. He slung a large bag over his free shoulder and a larger bag in his hand.

“Ava!”

Sarah sprung out of nowhere from the few other children and clutched with happiness on Ava’s pant leg.

“Good morning.”

“Mitzy made breakfast and everything is clean. Can we go now?”

“That’s what I’m here for lil’ lady.”

Sarah shot her grin to the guard waiting in the doorway to the cabin. Ava hurried past the ten sets of eyes that were hurrying for their final departure. No one knew what to expect.

“What now, Smith?”

Her eyes found two children, his children in the hall with full bags and smiles.

“I never got the chance to properly thank you.”

She saw the slight tremble of his lip. She quickly grabbed the door and hid what she could. Ava ignored Sarah at her leg and wrapped her arms tightly around the guard’s large shoulders.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing from now on,” she smiled, “I promise.”

He was quick to wipe his cheek and usher his small daughters forward.

“I-I’m sorry to ask this but it may take me hours to stay behind and situate the whole train with who we got left.”

“You never have to ask, Smith. I’ll take them for as long as you need. They’ll be with us when you get back.”

He gave his head a quick shake and nearly dove for his children.

“You gals be good and listen. For the love of God, you both fucking stay together and don’t leave Ms. Pierce’s side.”

Sarah reached out and took the girls by their hands.

“Jus’ follow me and Hope!”

Ava turned back to Curtis, listening from the side.

“If you wanted more kids, all you had to do was ask.”

She couldn’t resist his sly grin.

“Because you’d give me anything I want?”

“Damn fucking straight,” he softly hissed into her ear before turning away.

She bit the inside of her bottom lip and reached for her things. Everything was leading to this. She checked her watch. Each second hurt. God willing her oatmeal would stay down. Ava hurled both wide doors to the cabin and could here excitement throughout the train. Soon the closed environment would be slipping out from the metal seams.

She turned back.

“Everyone have their wristbands?”

A set of arms with bright orange plastic bands waved in the air.

“Good. I can’t do speeches and there’s nothing I can say to make this any bigger than this already is. The other spaces in the housing cars know what to do. We’ve made it this far. We only have to go home now. We’ve really made it.”

She felt Curtis’ hand slip into hers.

“Yeah, we did.”

The worry quickly fizzled, and she held her head a bit higher.

“Everyone get your things. We’re leaving now. Remember your orders and I’ll get you to the doors.”

In the corner of her turning eyes, she saw the organized scramble of the people she was able to help from the lower levels of the train. None were from the back car where she and Curtis started but there were worse places on the train. The cab was slowly and carefully picked apart. Nothing fancy was taken because it was already stripped down and repurposed.

Nothing went to waste. Not anymore.

A cry from the smallest member of the group got her attention. Curtis was already struggling.

“Here.”

Ava wrapped a long, thin curtain around her closed jacket and slipped the wiggling bundle close to her.

“There. Much better, my love.”

Hope’s little cheeks lifted to show a toothless smile. Ava wasted only a second to get lost in the blue eyes she’d gotten from Curtis.

“We’re almost home,” she softly cooed.

Zippers hit the side of swinging bags and feet slowly shuffled in the order decided. Ava was the first out the door as the long trail of the main housing guest car made their way to the start of the maintenance cars. Ten minutes, five minutes.

She could remember the terrifying shuffle. This time it felt unreal. Ava took a breath and braced the descending speed of the train. She ignored the soft whispers coming from her people. She knew what to do.

“Hey,” she whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, “You ready?”

There was a hiss that nearly made her jump out of her skin. Scraping metal. The blasting smell of fresh air. It all happened so fast. She turned her baby’s face away and closed her eyes. Soft sunlight blinded her at first but…

She opened her eyes and looked to the impossibly wide halls lined with single rows of staff waiting to greet the last bit of humanity. Ava took a strong step forward.

“Mrs. Pierce, I presume.”

“Yes and I have a temporary care of Private Officer Smith’s children as well. His information should have already reached you.”

She showed her orange band to the young woman in the crisp pantsuit. Her eyes shifted over Ava’s shoulder to the group filing behind and showing off their own bands.

“Very good. You may have well saved us a few hours. You and yours follow this way please?”

She last thing she saw was Curtis’ blue eyes as he helped moved Smith’s children forward with Sarah leading the way.

Ava strained herself to focus. Everything was a blur. Twelve hours and her people were all settled in their wing of a waiting sector. Sarah settled in with the other girls and other children of their group. All the adults paired with their own. Her guess was that everyone was sleeping. Soon, she would too.

She carefully placed Hope in the crib provided. Her finger slowly stroked her baby’s warm cheek.

“I hate that I’m gonna have to eventually tell you what happened out there.”

“Then she’ll know how we met.”

Ava watched as Curtis closed the door and set the lock to keep it that way.

“Where’ve you been all my life,” she giggled.

“Talking with Smith. He’s needed on the train the next few days. I told him we’d watch the girls.”

Curtis dropped the rest of his things and stretched his healed arms over his head. Ava couldn’t help but eye the bit of skin that showed itself as his shirt rode up. She had already changed, ready for when he would find her again. Ava felt herself growing antsy as Curtis took forever to kick off his boots.

“Sounds fine.”

“Excuse me, my eyes are up here.”

Ava rested her hands on his hips and smiled.

“You should really be worried about my hands, Mr. Pierce.”

“Should I, now?”

Curtis grabbed her hands and placed them on his shoulders.

“Or we could just not give a flying fuck.”

Ava enjoyed the joking contemplation of his bottom lip as his fingers messed with the front of her jeans.

“I would like that very much. Where should we start?”

She was quicker to reach for the hem of her shirt. The blur of white dropped to the nearest surface as Curtis was met with her smooth skin.

“Modest enough space this time. Everyone’s all tired out and no staff will bother us the next few days. I hear the beds are much firmer.”

“I’ll take it.”

He kissed her. Ava was glad his lips had fully healed and pressed hungrily to hers.

“I’d hope so,” she softly purred.

She kept her lips firmly to his. He tried to keep himself standing as he let her slowly led them to their room. He stopped for a moment and held her. Ava calmed herself and followed his lead. Their arms wrapped around each other and like that, she was ready to sleep.

“Don’t worry,” sighed Curtis, “I feel it too.”

He pulled her to bed, nearly tossing her to the middle. They tangled themselves together in no time and laid still. Ava could hear small noises, the settling of metal and clean air in the vents. Her face wasn’t used to smiling so hard.

“You were right about the bed.”

“Ugh. Quick rest?”

“Might as well.”

She giggled as she felt Curtis’ rough fingertips trace her bare back. Ava peacefully closed her eyes allowing herself to feel safe for the first time in a long while. 

-

Tagged: @808-anon, @angelus80 @angryschnauzer @antyc67 @atinyfangirl @audasia25 @damageditem @dangertoozmanykids101 @inkededucatednnerdy @itsjustelen @jennphoenix @justahopeless-dreamer​ @kimanne723 @lokilockedcougar @lovehiddles4everme @mazda098​ @missdibley​ @mrshiddelston​ @mypreciousmind1​ @nicole-stewart-loves-cookies​ @osb1anon​ @ourladybinxthings​ @peskipixi​ @prplprincez​ @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks​ @ririsutty​ @roamingbadger​ @sarabeth72​ @sevanya​ @shamvictoria11​ @starrynight35​ @siyoteodiara​ @startingtoenjoylife​ @texmexdarling​ @the-lady-mischief​ @tinaferraldo​ @tomkurbikston​ @vdcster​ @wolfsmom1​

[avalindin]

Devilish_Doll’s first fic!!!

If you have ever posted a Tom or Loki fic on AO3, or commented on an AO3 story, then there’s a very good chance you recognize her name. @devilish–doll She’s such a faithful, kind, and hilarious supporter of all ranges of Tom/Loki fics, fluff, erotica, and even the dark and dirty smut that I dig. (Ya know, I can’t remember if she wanders outside Hiddles Town or not. You should see her and I try to to ou recommend to each other. It’s like playing go fish. “Have you read….? Yes. Here. Have you read…..? Nooooo!!! Go read it !So she just posted here first fiction on AO3. A one-shot called: The Patreon Saint of Sucking Cock.

Omg!!!! Is that title not awesome, or what????!!!!!! I’m so excited to read this it but wanted to tell you all first. I’m heading over to AO3 now. See you all there! .

@devikafernando @redfoxwritesstuff @nuggsmum @hallotom @tinchentitri @jennphoenix @finney13s @nildespirandum @ohhhmyloki @caffiend-queen @ladyoftheteaandblood @ladyfluff @nrthmnsplbnd9 @missdibley @lokilickedme @starscreamloki @archy3001 @hurricanerin @dianamolloy @lokis-lady-death @wickednerdery @winterheart17 @adamcansuckme @fanficshiddles @fandom-and-feminism @fadingcoast @moonfaery @lokispettigerr @boredbrooder @manip-loki @michelegurl @manager-of-mischief @annievvv7 @kalimav6 @mischievousbellerina @maeve-curry-writes @muchobsessedwithpretty06 @pedeka @latent-thoughts @latestarter58 @gingerwritess @vicariousvictoria @vethrvolnir @gutterfortunecookie @awolfbeneath @the-haven-of-fiction @thewidowlaufeyson @judas-nipples @lilithenaltum

[avalindin]

Please be gentle

Reblog if you're a fanfic writer and you wanna know what your followers' favorite story of yours is ❤

[avalindin]

Drunk drabble thought #2: movie nights at the avengers compound were your favorite. It was the only time you could be close to Bucky without revealing your crush on him to anyone including himself. Little did you know that he already figured that out and was determined to make you come before the first movie ended.

“I saved you a seat!” You called out to Bucky, beaming back at his answering grin. Oh, he made you dizzy but you held everything in, only using movie night as an excuse to sit near him, and then filling your well with all the feelings of his warm body next to yours and his musky scent until you ran dry and it was time to refill again.

He settled in next to you and reached back to grab the blanket thrown over the couch. “Little chilly tonight, huh doll?” He inquired, drawing the blanket over both of you, and you hummed in response.

The room darkened and the movie started, but you didn’t pay attention to a thing except Bucky. His thigh pressed to yours, a lock of his hair tickling your cheek, his arm around your shoulder. The couch you were in was in the back of the room, so no one saw Bucky’s other hand disappear under the blanket and settle on your thigh. Your heartbeat accelerated. A few moments passed and then his hand began to creep higher up your leg. You glanced at him in disbelief, and then turned back toward the screen. Bucky leaned in closer and whispered in your ear.

“Do you want me to stop?”

Quickly, too quickly, you shook your head. “Please,” you whispered back. “Don’t stop.”

Bucky’s lips caressed the skin under your earlobe. His hand resumed it’s journey and when he reached the waistband of your pajama pants he hesitated for a moment before pushing his fingers beneath, holding back a moan when he found you bare and soaking wet underneath.

You bit your lip, wanting so desperately to tell him how much you wanted him, how you had wished for this, how pleased you were that he was touching you at last. You turned to gaze at him and he responded with another whisper at your ear, “I know, baby, can you be quiet for me?”

You nodded and rested your head on his shoulder as he dragged a finger through your folds and then brushed against your clit, making you jump a little and then grind your hips up a bit to chase his fingers.

Mindful of the others in the room, he moved gently and deliberately, without surprise but with effective motion as he drenched his fingers in your slick, burying two inside you and stroking your clit with his thumb. Your breaths became heavier and he turned his head to bury his lips into your neck as you rocked your hips against his hand.

You didn’t need to tell him you were close. He sensed it in the stutter of your breath, the flutter of your heartbeat, and the whimper you stifled against the stubbled skin of his neck. Another whisper in your ear, “let go for me, doll,” and you felt your warmth gush over his fingers.

As you tried to quietly catch your breath he withdrew his hand and you nearly came again from watching him lick his fingers clean while staring into your eyes. You licked your own lips, biting the bottom one as you searched his eyes for the answer on what to do next.

“I’m ready for bed,” he said, with a mischievous grin. “You should watch a little longer.”

You nodded and a smile spread across your face as you watched him leave the room.

Gathering yourself together and waiting until your jelly legs felt secure again you left the room and headed toward Bucky, knowing that your night was hardly over.

Tags: @cchellacat @book-dragon-13 @buckmesideways22 @thesaltyduchess @cametobuyplums @marvelousmeggi @igothroughphasesalot @spacemansam @randomfandompenguin @loricameback @msruchita @marvelandotherfandomimagines @buckysbrat @sallycanwait68 @jobean12-blog @jewelofwinter

[avalindin]

Dear Captain Loki Laufeyson, Can I be a sky pirate too?

Well if anyone asks, I’ve stowed away on The Golden Horn to hopefully sneak my name onto the duty roster. If this works, I’ll be a real full fledged skyfaring pirate. If I get caught, just assume I got tossed overboard into the the Downdeep. But it’s worth the risk, let me tell you!!!

Misreall’s (@nildespirandum) words have me so mesmerized that I’m daydreaming about this world all week, waiting for the next chapter of her The Tale of the Golden Horn to be posted. This story seriously has left me begging to be a pirate in service of Captain Laufeyson.

My dearest Misreall (@nildespirandum), absolutely no words can truly express how in love with this story I am. The Tale of the Golden Horn is THE most beautiful gift I have ever received in my life. I treasure every single word of it.

GOD!!!! I can hear Loki’s voice so clearly!!! And I want to to say that Aenor doesn’t stand a chance. But then again, neither does Loki when Captain Aenor Breathnach is involved. Can’t you hear him??? Oh that voice!!!! The gif is obviously from the movie. I wish I were an artist, bc I can see him in my mind’s eye standing on the rail of his ship with his hair blowing in the wind. I’ve copied and pasted a couple paragraphs from Misreall’s first chapter when Loki attacks and overtakes Aenor’s ship.

““Captain Breathnach!”  The deep, loud voice of the captain of The Golden Horn could be heard easily as the sounds of shots died away.  “A word, if you please.”

His tone was pleasant, conversational even.

Aenor seethed to hear him.  Turning, the sight of him made her even angrier, should such a state be possible without causing an attack of apoplexy felling her.

He stood on upon the rail of the quarterdeck of his ship, a hand lightly around a bit of rigging rope, though he clearly did not need it to keep his balance.  The great hunter’s moon illuminated him as clear and fondly as any candle lit.

Laufeyson was a notorious dandy and tonight, battle or no, he was resplendent.  From his black, swashtopped boots with gleaming gold buckles and matching gloves, to his green velvet greatcoat open to show off his black jacket and gilt brocade waistcoat, to the fall of his elaborate cravat, to the emerald rings that sparkled on his long fingers, he was more expensively, elegantly, and dramatically dressed than any Lord sitting in the Midgardian Parlament.  Or from any of the other Realms, for that matter.

Only the crowning glory of a fine hat was missing, though his long, heavy black hair gleamed as bright as any crown. His massive, embellished tricorn with emerald feathers from the tail of some exotic bird that no one in Aenor’s home realm had probably even heard of, was in his hand.  He had doffed it when she reached her own quarterdeck, and offered her a showy bow, using it to add an extra flourish. It would have been an amusing or even a perhaps charming gesture from one well-matched opponent to another, if not for the cool smirk on his thin lipped mouth.

By all of the gods of sky and land, but how she hated him!

“I seem to have caught you unprepared for company.  I can wait if you feel the need to … dress?” He crossed his arms and leaned on the rope as steadily as if it were a manor house wall, his smirk having grown to a full, mocking grin.

Aenor stood tall, her legs slightly spread to allow for the buck and weave of the deck as her ship fought its wounds and the aircurrents.  She hated to be seen by him wearing only her red uniform breeches and blue blouse, but what difference could it make? She had more immediate concerns, mainly the lives of her crew and the fate of the Songbird.

It was not as if she could match him for style or fashion even if she were fully dressed, and he already knew what she looked like when caught off guard.  

As well as entirely out of uniform…”

WARNING: The steamy scenes between Loki and Aenor are piping hot!!!! So if you tend to gasp and moan loudly while reading, make sure to read this in public so everyone knows that Misreall (@nildespirandum) totally owns you! Totally!!!!!

@gamerwoman3d @lokilickedme @michelegurl @moonfaery @fadingcoast @fandom-and-feminism @fanficshiddles @latent-thoughts @latestarter58 @manager-of-mischief @largebeeffriedrice @missinstantgratification @annievvv7 @kalimav6 @mischievousbellerina @muchobsessedwithpretty06 @odinsonsobsessed @pedeka @icybluepenguin @maeve-curry-writes @vicariousvictoria @vethrvolnir @ladyfluff @gutterfortunecookie @the-haven-of-fiction @awolfbeneath @gingerwritess @finney13s @dianamolloy @devikafernando @a-sundry-bag @adamcansuckme @avenger-nerd-mom @alexakeyloveloki @angryschnauzer @ms-cellanies @caffiend-queen

Reblogging this, bc Tumblr has been temperamental and damn cranky with me all last night and this morning. Grrrr

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Do you have a master list? I’ve been away for a while and scrolling all the way down to find the first chapter of your stories would take a long time?(: thank you <3

Sure! I’ll try to remember to periodically update/repost this list for those on mobile devices, who can’t easily use the links at the top of my blog.

Thank you for reading!!!

You can always find all of my fics here.

Misc. Tom

Teacher’s Pet (Professor!Tom) - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 

Death Comes To Us All (AU!Tom) - 1  2   3  4  5  6  7 (Complete)

Cat and Mouse (Tom) - One Shot

Escort (AU!Tom) - One Shot

Halloween Fantasy (Actor!Tom) - One Shot

Close Friends (Lee Pace/Tom Hiddleston/OFC) - 1

Taking Notes (Professor!Tom) - One Shot

Ice Bucket (Actor!Tom)- One Shot

Incubus - One Shot

Passion and Desperation (Actor!Tom) - 1 2 3 4 5 (Complete)

High-Rise (Dr. Robert Laing) - One Shot

Backroads (Redneck!Tom - Prequel to Cowboy Kink) - One Shot

Cowboy Kink (Redneck!Tom)- One Shot

My Imaginary Conversation with Tom Hiddleston - Drabble

The Treehouse (Tom) - One Shot

Spin Cycle (Tom) - One Shot

Oakley

I Dare You (Oakley) - One Shot

Awake (Oakley) - One Shot

Broken (Oakley) - 1

Quiet in the Theater (Oakley) - One Shot

Jealous Much? (Oakley) - One Shot

Loki

Mad Prince - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Epilogue

Two Kings (Thranduil X Loki X OFC) - One Shot

Green (Loki - part 2 of Green and Blue) - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Epilogue

True Colors (Loki) - One Shot

Claimed (AU!Loki /.OFC) - 1 2 3 4 5 Epilogue (Complete)

Green and Blue (Loki/Actor!Tom/OFC) - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Adam

Prey - 1 2 

A New Lover (Adam) - One ShotCostume Party (Adam) - One Shot

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Not the full hit but just enough to take the edge off...

Ok. I’ve managed to get an idea, and write a few paragraphs. That’s a good enough start for me. I’m going to chill for the rest of the night and let the story develop in my head.

PSA: My fics are located here, and the most recent chapters of Mad Prince have been posted on my Loki fics page here. Also, as a reminder, I do still have my most popular (and lengthy) stories available for Kindle and Nook, under the name of Lana Winter. 

I’ve been looking back over some of your blogs, reminiscing about how things were a few years ago….and I miss it. We used to have so much fun. I don’t know how many of us are left…but we should totally get the band back together again.

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I’m going to try and break these posts up, so I don’t flood anyone’s dash. That’s three chapters of Death Comes To Us All. There are seven, total.

I also fixed the link issues on my main fics page…

Fics

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For Angst ask prompts, I'd like #38: “I needed you. And you weren’t there.”

The first words Thor speaks to him are “Where is the Tesseract?”

A growled demand. The brash, entitled tone Thor took when addressing Laufey on Jotunheim.

Loki bristles and gathers his own words to go to war.

He huffs out an dismissive laugh. “Oh, I missed you, too.”

“Do I look to be in a gaming mood?” Thor’s eyes are a storm and his hammer is raised in a fist that looks like it wants to punch.

How can Thor would even think to say ‘game’? Fury licks up through Loki like an igniting flame and he is punching. Before his mind even reacts his fist cracks against Thor’s jaw and the shockwave travels back down his arm.

He curses himself for reacting before he can craft a strategy.

Thor grabs him by the neck in a choking grip.

“Where is the Tesseract, Loki? What have you done?” He shouts in Loki’s face, so close his breath is tangible in hot gusts.

“What have I done! And there you are, Thor!” Loki hisses. “There is the truth of you. Not, ‘Where were you, Brother? How did you survive?’ but ‘What have you done?’ I am only ever of use to the court of Asgard when I serve your purpose. Well I have found new purpose, Odin’s son.”

Thor looks chastened, eyes wet.

“I thought you dead.” Thor’s grasp on his neck gentles, old gesture Loki knows like his own reflection. He pushes the affection away.

“You thought,” Loki echoes, flatly. He turns head away, the hand on his neck burning him with its mockery of concern.

“Loki, what has happened to you? Where have you been?” He drops Mjolnir, and the short musical hum grates Loki’s ears.

“It matters not. I have been given purpose. I have seen true power, and I—”

“Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be king?” Thor grabs him by the shoulders now.

“Controls? No one c-controls me,” Loki says, and twists out of Thor’s grip. He’s starting to shake, so he stalks the craggy ground in a circle. “I was and should be king!”

“Not here, Loki. Not like this.” Thor’s voice is soft, conciliatory.

Loki can’t stand it, this gentleness. He’s coming apart. Flashes of the empty rock world come to him. Thin dusty air never refreshing his lungs, sunlight never brightening his eyes, his stomach a churning hollow. Poison his only water and razor whips lashing his back.

He doesn’t realize he’s weeping until the tears grow cooler than his skin.

“Loki, tell me what happened,” Thor pleads from far away.

“No!” Loki says. He turns on the spot and isn’t even seeing Thor as he seeks out the seam in his armor and sinks the knife in.

Thor grunts heavily but doesn’t counter attack. He presses a hand against the wound and reaches out for Loki again. “Brother, please, tell me.”

“Now?” Loki sobs, inching away. “Now you offer solace? In the midst of battle? Where were you then Thor?”

He screams, his hands twisted into claws.  “Where were you then!”

Thor catches up to him, and pulls Loki against him, and the fight falls out of him. He slumps against his brother, crying in gulping, heavy sobs. “I needed you. I needed you Thor, and you weren’t there.”

Their shared tears rock them together and eventually they sink to the rocky ground, bloodied hands grasping each other’s necks.

“I didn’t know,” Thor whispers. “When you’re ready, tell me everything.”

Thorki tags under the cut:

Keep reading

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Siren Song - Part 5

Pairing : CEO!Bucky x Reader

Summary: Tired to wait for the man you had had a crush on for years to see you as more than his secretary, you sign up for a matching app that showcases talent. Without seeing your face, WhiteWolf17 finds himself falling lured by your voice. But getting your boss out of your system is more easily said than done. (Modern AU, Little Mermaid inspired AU)

Words: 2,2k

Warnings: Fluff, but mostly angst. I’m sowwyyyyyyy

A/N: Please don’t hate me too much after this! This is my entry for @ciarawritesmarvel Disney AU 1K celebration challenge

I Part 1 I Part 2 I Part 3 I Part 4 I Siren Song Masterlist I Main Masterlist I

If there was something you loved more than using your break to have lunch on the beach, it was using your break to have lunch on the beach with Peggy. The wedding was only two weeks away and you two needed to fix at least a few hundreds details before the big day. You knew she also lowkey used the excuse to sneak into Steve’s office while you finished a couple tasks but who cared? Picking you up for lunch was how the two of them had met in the first place, so it was like walking down memory lane.

You probably looked dumb, smiling to yourself and relishing in every single sensation the sea could bring you but you didn’t care, everything was perfect. The wind that made your lips taste salty, the warm sand in which you had dug your bare feet and Max sprawled at your side. The large stray dog seemed to be living on the beach, everybody around here knew him.

You had met Max when he walked into Mr. Barnes’ office for the first time  about a year ago. The window bay had been left opened so the place could be filled by the cool breeze and soothing sound of waves crashing against the shore. Both of you were so focused in your tasks, you hadn’t noticed the dog taking a nap on the large carpet near the couch.

Keep reading

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For later

Let Me In

Characters: Natasha x fem!reader

Summary: You’re an empath, able to feel, comprehend, and share in the complex emotions of those around you when you touch them. Natasha is the only member of the Avengers that you haven’t yet empathized with, mainly because she won’t let you. Even though Fury recommended you for the team for psychological aid, Nat refuses to let you touch her and you can’t help but wonder if there’s more to her coldness than what meets the eye.

Warnings: Insecure!natasha, angst, mentions of death, nightmares, making out, BAD EDITTING IM SO SORRY

Words: 2984 (aye longest one so far!)

A/N: Okay seriously why do I never see any nat x fem!reader fics??? I decided to make one for your reading pleasure. So here. Enjoy and PLEASE WRITE FEEDBACK YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT HELPS!! ALSO MY REQUESTS OR SO WIDE OPEN THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE WHERE THEY BEGAN SO REQUEST SOMETHING.

Keep reading

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Omg why I didn't read Coven Garden Hotel before?!! It's sooo goood, I'm shaking! I'm only on chapter 5 and I'm already in love! Can't wait to keep reading! Kris, you're such an amazing writer, never forget that! <3 - Maizie.

Hiya Maizie! How are you, my love? 

I’m not sure why you haven’t read Covent Garden Hotel before. It was originally posted as a roleplay and then I edited it into chapters to post on AO3. I’m insanely proud of it, and lucky to have written it with a partner, one far more talented with words than I am. I can’t take credit for all of it, as my partner took with Jonathan Pine. I hope you do keep reading and you’ll leave a comment or two (my partner will get copied as deserved).

(It wasn’t until around chapter 17 that my partner left the story for me to finish.)

Thank you so much for the message. I hope you continue enjoying the story!! <3 <3 <3    So many hugs for you, Maizie!

Covent Garden Hotel Masterpost

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Omg why I didn't read Coven Garden Hotel before?!! It's sooo goood, I'm shaking! I'm only on chapter 5 and I'm already in love! Can't wait to keep reading! Kris, you're such an amazing writer, never forget that! <3 - Maizie.

Hiya Maizie! How are you, my love? 

I’m not sure why you haven’t read Covent Garden Hotel before. It was originally posted as a roleplay and then I edited it into chapters to post on AO3. I’m insanely proud of it, and lucky to have written it with a partner, one far more talented with words than I am. I can’t take credit for all of it, as my partner took with Jonathan Pine. I hope you do keep reading and you’ll leave a comment or two (my partner will get copied as deserved).

(It wasn’t until around chapter 17 that my partner left the story for me to finish.)

Thank you so much for the message. I hope you continue enjoying the story!! <3 <3 <3    So many hugs for you, Maizie!

Covent Garden Hotel Masterpost

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🤤

I Own You

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Words: 2500

Warnings: NSFW (smut!)

A/N: Since I’m back on tumblr, I decided to repost some of my old work and fanfics! Hope you enjoy! 

A dull headache was the first thing that woke you up. You blinked few times to clear your sight and look at the empty side next to you.

Turning around you noticed that the sheets were a pure mess and then you noticed that it was 2 p.m.

“Ah, great!” you groaned and then pulled to covers to the side.

You were naked and probably got awfully drunk last night.

Then it hit you. You had a fight with the god of mischief before you let tequila possess you.

Keep reading

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Loki Fanfiction

A Flash of Gold (NSFW) Reader POV. You have known Tony Stark all your life, through your father, and when you lose your boyfriend and your job in Chicago in the same day, he takes you in. At Stark Tower, you meet Loki, who is fascinated with your multiple body piercings. Belle of the Ball (NSFW) Loki has met a woman he desires during one of his private excursions to Midgard and wants to bring her to a lavish ball being thrown by the royal family. Unnamed plus sized OFC looks so amazing in her new dress that Loki is speechless and avoids her for a while to steel his affections. When he figures out he has hurt her feelings, Loki invites her to dance, and more. 

Casualties of War (Rating: T, unfinished) Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 Before the Chitauri War in New York, trapped in a cell on the SHIELD helicarrier, Loki sends an illusion of himself to warn the Midgardian woman he fell in love with years ago to leave the city. He discovers something that changes everything - he has a half-human daughter. When it appears after the war that they have been killed, Loki vows revenge on Thanos.

Death of the Lie (Rating: T, unfinished) - Collaboration with FadingCoast Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 TBA Odin and his daughter Hela are the perfect conquerors of the universe. The nine realms fall one after the other into their clutch. After Odin takes a second wife and has a son with her, he has no need for Hela anymore. Hela abandons her father and marries Laufey, King of the Frost Giants, soon becoming pregnant with his heir. Despite Odin’s declaration of war to prevent the child from being born, the baby survives, born just minutes before Odin can imprison Hela for her insolence. Odin steals the Casket of Winters and takes the baby home with him, to raise him until he may have further use of him. The boy grows up to look and act a lot like his mother, which disturbs Odin and makes him treat the boy horribly. Odin’s lies run deep, but the boy - a Prince twice over - will one day discover the truth. [Trigger warnings: child abuse, bullying, graphic depiction of violence, graphic depiction of childbirth, self harm, suicide attempts] Dine With Me (NSFW)  Reader POV. You are Loki’s fiance, living with him in Asgard. After he teases you at the dinner table, the two of you head off to the nearest room - which happens to be Thor’s bedroom. A sex contest begins. (This contains a threesome with the Brodinsons and they are very comfortable with each other here. Lots of brotherly banter and taunting.)

Drabbles (Rated G) Young Loki / You’ll Be In My Heart / What’s in a Name

Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction

Dream Come True (NSFW) Reader POV. You’ve been dreaming of having a personal encounter with the God of Mischief for a long time. Lucky for you, your boyfriend Tom Hiddleston is more than happy to indulge you. And he takes ALL of his roles seriously. [Roleplay, light bondage]

Public Debut (NSFW - link goes to AO3) Tom has been seeing a woman in secret for more than a year. It’s time for the London premiere of the Loki solo film, the perfect opportunity to introduce her to the press. They can’t keep their hands off each other when they get home.

Wake Up Call (NSFW drabble) Reader POV. You wake up early one morning and see that your boyfriend Tom Hiddleston is fast asleep and in need of a lumberjack. (If you get my drift.)

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Here, hold my feels 😭

Upon ascending to the throne a young prince learns the highest state secret in the kingdom is that the treasury, and the very economy itself, has been managed for hundreds of years by a 4lb dragon too runty and crippled to amass or protect its own fortune.