aymhives

[aymhives]

September

It was September. In the last days, when things were getting sad for no reason.

The time when I always wanted to remain aloof for an indefinite period.

Before the weather turned into a darker shade of brown, it was getting gloomy.

Meeting point of two worlds, the summer hadn't left yet, but the winters arriving.

It is the ambiguity I guess, that made it unique and the most admirable of all.

I love how the leaves weren't able to decide the colour they should have shown.

I started relating myself more to the weather, The trees, the mountains, the colour of sky, than the people around me.

As if I knew that I could save myself from the menace of humanity.

I started believing in the magical mountains and the pink winds, my belief didn't shatter it just revived.

and after a point, it scared me to think that I was not like others, atleast not intentionally.

Soon I realised that just like the weather, I have an October too,

coming all the way to me, and merging with the last pages of what I’ve been through.

I couldn't relate with summertime sadness anymore, nor the summer wine was helping.

I needed something in between, at least a mile away from both boundaries.

My sleeping hours were prolonged, and I couldn't help with the swollen eyes either.

I had a feeling that something is probably up, with the wide arm welcome of october.

But I left it the way it was, I left the course of time, I stopped caring about days and night.

I picked up a well read book for the most unfamiliar time, yet I was happy to welcome the most missed times.

There has always been something about October in specific, that made it so easy and tough to be alive in these times.

As if the October is a constant reminder of everything missing that should've been in life.

I know that I started with September but somehow I am talking about October now.

but tell me how could I differentiate between two tastes from the same glass of wine.

It still felt so easy, like the sun submerging into the sadness of sea.

It was like living in one of those times, when I knew things aren't right but also they couldn't get any more better.

It was a time to accept things and not to work over to amend, it was a time to accept things and be with them for life.

It was September, becoming October. a time to remain quiet and let it happen for the sake of mind.

It was a familiarity with the most unfamiliar times.

It was, I, getting acquainted with myself in the most unfamiliar times.

-AZ

[aymhives]

i am 22 years old. holding the degree of my dreams in my hands. with the perfectly blended cup of coffee. i am about to leave but the weather is being extra nice to me. i am constantly being grateful to the girl who refused to give up. though the journey isn’t ending here and i have miles to go. but before that i am taking the moment in, with every sip of coffee. i am reminiscing the best days of this journey so far and also the sleepless nights to make this dream come true. and longing to tightly hug my home. but now my home isn’t just one place. it is the people I’ve met. places I’ve been to. and the things I’ve spend my time with. now my home is everywhere and also nowhere. now my home is within. ☕️

[aymhives]

2 x 2 = 4

2 x 3 = 6

2 x 4 = 8

kids were literally screaming at the top of their lungs when i heard this while savouring my morning cup of coffee. Every now & then, i hear the noises of kids from the block school adjacent to our house. Sometimes they try to draw my attention with some random words in their recess time. Mocking each other and irritating the teachers. The colour of their uniforms might be the same but their colourful minds are far beyond the boundaries of limitations. I wonder how many of them will meet one day as a reunion while many of them serving the nation with heavy responsibilities on their shoulders. I wonder how many of them will be able to fly as and when they want. I wonder how many of them will be able to deal with the social dilemma of life on different stages. Life is harsh and it is a universal truth indeed. But I'm quite worried about their innocence and dreams that society might crush down. No wonder they're totally unaware of their future but I'm wondering how many of them will be able to fly ?

[aymhives]

now you keep pushing people out of your life because someone you wanted didn't stay. now you think you were always meant to be a loner and meeting people was a mere coincidence. now you can't live with the idea of having someone by your side because you know it won't work in the end.

-AZ

[aymhives]

but the thing that I'll never admit to someone is how i want to be loved the way, i know love is. How badly i want to feel understood and cherished like the way i feel my soul deserves. I’ll never admit the fact that i was always the one loving and not the one being loved. My heart will never be able to admit that i too want my heart to be held by someone and loved carelessly. I don't know for how long i can live with this unheard side of mine but I'm too sure of the fact that I’ll never admit this to anyone.

[aymhives]

and then,

she accepted her fate,

her broken dreams

and the moments of chase.

she left people behind

and moments of praise.

she carried her "self"

with nothing but grace.

neither did she lose,

but she did "gain".

she became tranquil,

for the moments of frail.

the aura so attractive,

that nothing can be compared.

she carried her "self"

with nothing but grace.

-AZ

[aymhives]

Embracing the unknown

parts of us are hidden between the tapestry of known and unknown. we find our lost pieces in unknown. we sense a feeling of familiarity with people we never met before. the "aks" of our soul is stuck with things, moments, scents, colours and certain timings. and solitude doesn't completes us. it reminds us of the enigmatic moments that once were shared with someone. the captivating gaze, the lost words between silence and chaos- reminds us of nothing but embracing the unknown.

[aymhives]

Moonlit night

evokes a connection to the cosmos. a sense of timelessness. tranquility of rustling leaves. distant hooting of an owl. soft rustle of breaths. moon's reflection on the world. disturbingly calm silence. ache of unspoken promises. heartfelt deep desire to run away. together makes a silvery long night. among the quirky combination of memories.

[aymhives]

🇮🇹/ Rome

one of my fantasies is to stay in Rome for few days. visit museums. libraries. music. flower shops. wandering here and there. breathing art. watching art. loving art. eating local food. connecting with people. eating ice-cream weirdly multiple times. and just seize all the moments.

-AZ

[aymhives]

mayhem

mayhem; such a beautiful word for chaos. like the hidden beast behind the veil of beauty. like a nonchalant kid holding outrage. like the deafening silence before storm. holding alot and not showing at all.

-AZ

[aymhives]

good memories rarely last but bad ones surely do

just like the pain rarely last but scars surely do

-AZ

[aymhives]

LIFE /lʌɪf/ :

may be it is an illusion

or it might not be a truth

but may be it exists somewhere

between the thoughts of loosing at it

-AZ

[aymhives]

my tragedy isn't understandable

and my scars are hidden enough

my lips may tell a different story

but my heart has seen enough

my hopes are dying daily

cz nobody is trustworthy enough

my intentions were to take a step ahead

but my past hasn't left enough

my existence may end up being an illusion

but i hope it will be worthy enough

-AZ

[aymhives]

your audacity to reach out

after fully damaging me

is never going to help out

from what I've been dealing with

now your countless calls

and your endless efforts

needs an answer

but doesn't deserve to have one

i can take your calls

and can recognise your efforts

but I've nothing to say and nothing to give

you left me bleeding

hurting

and dying

in the fire of your dishonesty

and the hatred you developed for me

I buried my heart and killed my feelings

cz deep down i knew

you can never be truely with me

now I've learned to suffer

to keep feelings buried

but your audacity to reach out

still amazes me

-AZ

[aymhives]

dark isn't that dark of a word

it doesn't suffice to the darkness of my heart

to the darkness of my imagination

and to the darkness of my life

but may be one day

a word more deeper

more hollow

and more darker

will suffice to my suffering

AZ

[aymhives]

Exchange of glances was a sheer coincidence back then

But you were the first and last who made me believe in them

I was never that person to believe in god's timings

But your mere existence felt like happening of some miracle

You weren't even mine but my every single breath was becoming yours

and that's when i felt like

I've won everything without even fighting for so long

-AZ

[aymhives]

Why do we say that everything is fair in love and war? What if your fair is a mere destruction to someone?

Why do changes and decisions are considered as good omen? What if your new beginning is a full stop for someone?

Why do we say that look for your soulmate?Why don't we say that wait and hold on and prepare yourself for whatever comes to you?

Why are we afraid to accept those scars? What if those scars are our destiny?

Why are we living with plethora of grudges? Why can't we just let go to certain things?

Why are we becoming inhumane and toxic for our souls?

Why is it the way it is?

-AZ